Baby Brain Millie Inbetween

What's she doing in there - redecorating?

Hurry up! You've been like an hour.

Nearly finished.

I need the loo!

-Can't it wait?

-Do you really want to find out?

Give me a second, OK?

One. There. Now let me in!

All yours now, bite size.

Morning, shorty.

Hey! It's my turn!

You snooze, you lose.

Ever since Mike and his trained monkey moved in,

this house has been way too crowded.

Like living in a tin of sardines...

Coming through.

..and smells even worse.

-Mum!

-Oh! Hi, Millie! I was just er...

looking for the...tape measure.

Oh! There it is! Bye.

That was Mum's sneaky face. I've seen that face before.

How's Mr Flopsy?

He's MUCH better. Hopping around all over the place!

It's a bit weird, though - his tail used to be white but now it's brown.

And his ears are a slightly different shape.

Oh. That IS odd.

She's up to something. Something involving my room.

Cots. Mum was looking at cots!

Why is there marge on my mobile?

CRAIG! I'm going to kill that boy.

Mum was measuring our beds, Lauren. Cots. Measuring. Our room.

And what kind of animal puts an empty milk bottle back in the fridge?

-A very clever one!

-CRAIG!

Who cares about the milk?

Mum's going to turn our bedroom into a nursery.

Don't be stupid. Why would she do that?

-Why do you think?

-Maybe cos she's realised that Craig has the mind of a two-year-old

and wants to give him a bedroom to match.

No. Because Mum and Mike want to have a...

A hammock?

They want to have a baby!

-What?

-What?

Thanks again for looking after Jake. He's so excited!

That's OK. We're going to have a great time, aren't we, champ?

Can we build a tree-house in the kitchen and then fill it with sand?

-Wow, you just read my mind! Course!

-Yes!

-He'll forget that in two minutes.

-Right.

So, you're all ready for your big girl's weekend?

I'm so psyched. Fran's first music festival.

It's going to be wild!

What is that?

Just a book I'm reading.

-It's a dictionary, Fran.

-So?

I've just reached "juxtapose" and I want to get to the Ks before Monday.

Like "knapsack".

"Knapsack" begins with an N, love.

-Knickers.

-So does that.

Right! Time we hit the road.

So have a good time with Jake.

It's going to be so great for him to have some male company.

You can do boy stuff, you know, like...chopping things.

-And burping.

-Leave it to me!

Yeah. Don't let him stay up too late. Or get too excited.

Or have too much sugar.

Remember Halloween?

Don't worry, it's all under control.

-Look what I found in the back of the cupboard!

-My secret stash! I mean...

Where did he find THAT?

Just go, you know, enjoy yourselves. We'll all be fine.

I promise.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-Ah!

-DOORBELL RINGS

Like I said, it'll all be fine.

-Bye.

-Bye, Mum. Bye, Fran.

-See ya!

Whoo!

This is dumb.

There's no way my dad would want to have a...baby.

-Anyway, your mum's way too old.

-No, she isn't!

-Whatevs.

Anyway, this isn't a Code Red situation.

Yeah, I'm sure there's a simple explanation.

Yeah. And I'm going to find out what it is.

How exactly are you going to do that, Miss Marple?

Simple. I'll just ask her.

-Mum.

-Oh, hi, love.

What are you doing?

Going through a few old things.

Oh, do you remember this?

You wore it when I brought you back from the hospital.

-You looked like a wrinkly old man!

-Mum!

And look at these wee booties.

Aren't they just adorable!

It's just such a magical time.

OK, so THIS...is Code Red.

A-ha, there we go!

That's the Hawker Hurricane. It's a classic!

I've waited years to make this bad boy.

Now we get to do it together!

Careful.

Yeah! Rock bands!

Hmm? Oh, that.

I got that hoping Lauren and Millie would get into music.

But they said they wanted real instruments.

Oh, it's got a drum kit! Can we play? Can we?

What about making this, though, champ?

I want to play. Can I play drums?

I like hitting things.

Tell you what, when we've made the plane, we can play the band game.

Deal?

OK, so you can play the first level. Then we'll do the plane. OK?

Cool!

Jake. Don't hit your head, hit the drums.

No, no. Other end.

MUSIC: "Should I Stay Or Should I Go"

Wow!

We've got to stop them. There's no room for a baby!

And we've not got money to blow on nappies. I need a new manicure set.

-Look at the state of my cuticles!

-Ladies! Please. Big picture.

I've seen the bigger picture, Craig.

And it's not a pretty sight.

BABY CRIES

Mum! Mum! I've won the drama prize!

That's nice, love. Mike, is this bottle still good?

Thursday. Goldfish. Dormitory. What was the question?

Hello?

Instant noodles on toast. Best I can do.

Can anyone hear me?

No, you're sleeping on the floor. I'm on the sofa.

BABY CRIES

Ah!

Nightmare!

You're overreacting. It might not be that bad - might be cool.

Who made you the president of the baby fan club?

Always wanted a little brother. Someone to kick a ball round with.

Pass all my worldly knowledge on to.

Yeah, that shouldn't take too long.

Nah, if anything, it'll even it up a bit. Two on two.

Yep, you got us. We could never outsmart two boys.

Unless...You do realise it's 50/50 the baby could be a girl?

-We've got to stop them. What's the plan?

-Right.

Mum and Mike are remembering all the gooey, nice things about having a baby.

So we need to remind them of all the bad stuff.

Yeah, I like it.

You can work on Mike, and Lauren and I will work on Mum.

Wait, we're joining forces with the Craigster?

Aw, gross! No way.

Come on. Help me get these pillowcases off.

What are you going to do with those?

I still don't understand how you managed to injure BOTH your arms.

Told ya, skateboard accident.

Worth it, though. Did a 360 before I hit the kerb.

Well, you ought to be more careful, son.

-Remember, a focused mind is the path to focused body.

-Eh?

He means don't be such a klutz.

Give him some more cabbage, Mike.

You're all right. I've had enough.

Come on. Just one more mouthful. It took ages to make.

-I don't like cabbage.

-Oh, stop being such a baby!

No, don't want it! Yuck yuck poo.

Right. I'll going to treat you like a baby, then.

Here comes the cabbage express! Chugga-chugga! Wooo-wooo!

Come on, open up. In it goes. There we go.

Well done, son!

Right, I'm going to heat mine up later, I think.

If you tell anyone about this, I'll hack into all your accounts.

Chill!

Stay in character.

Hey, I missed this before.

That's Mum's handwriting.

Romeo, Trixibelle, Liberty, Coochy-Coo. She's looking at baby names. This is awful!

Those are rank names.

And there's a number here too.

PHONE RINGS

'Hello, Paisley Nursery. How can I help?'

-It's a nursery!

-This is serious.

If mum's looking at day-care and baby names, we might be too late.

She might already be...

She might, she might not be. We need to keep trying.

It's time to up the attack.

We need to go to stage two.

# So you got to let me know

# Should I stay or should I go... #

Whoo, yeah! We are rock gods.

I'd forgotten how much of a laugh this is!

-Know what, we should give our band a name!

-Read my mind.

How about Maximum Voltage! Cos I'm an electrician. Get it?

How about burgers and chips!

What kind of a name's that?

-It's not. I'm hungry!

-Oh.

Right! Think we should move on to the next difficulty level. What d'ya say?

-Yeah, OK.

-Great.

What are you doing?

-I want to play guitar.

-I don't think that's a good idea.

-Why not?

-Because I'm the axe-man.

And playing the guitar takes skill and quick reactions

and I don't think you would be any good at it.

Oh, I don't want to play the drums any more. Gimme!

Nobody said being in a rock band was going to be fun, Jake.

It takes hard work and dedication.

-Now get over there and bash those pads.

-Poo to you.

Don't you poo-to-you me!

Do you want to build a tree house in the kitchen or not?

-Oh, yeah! I forgot about that!

-Good.

OK, you ready? Two, three, four!

-ALARM RINGS

-Wakey wakey.

Time for stage two. Show time.

SHE SCREAMS

What is it? What's going on?

Oh. Sorry. I must have been having a nightmare.

Thank goodness for that.

All right, let's all try and go back to sleep, shall we?

Maybe some warm milk would help?

Warm milk? Yeah, all right.

I'll get you some.

Thanks, Mum.

ALARM RINGS

Urrrghh!

It's got to be done.

Aaaahhhhhh!

What is it? Are you OK?

Another nightmare. It's about this little dude with a big head.

Maybe if you came and sat on my bed, it would make it better.

Course, love. You just get some rest.

-I'll be right here.

-And some more milk?

Coming right up.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Aw, I'll go.

Five times I got up last night. Five times!

I haven't done that since Lauren was a baby.

Mike!

Oh, sorry. Must've dozed off.

-I'm going to the loo.

-Need a hand with anything?

No. No, thank you. No, definitely not.

Go on, Jake! Keep up!

Jake!

That's another fail!

But I saw a fly.

Let's go waterskiing. I've never done that.

Look, we can't get to the end of the game

if you keep spacing out like this.

It's not fair. I want to choose a song.

I'm the one with the experience.

-I'm the lead guitarist AND front man.

-Well, you used to be fun.

But now you're just a boring old bossy-pants!

Well, maybe you should grow up, you smellyhead droopy drawers!

I'm going to go and make the plane.

Fine. Do what you like. I don't need you anyway.

Going solo.

Did you see your mum this morning?

She looked even worse than you!

Just a few more nights and they won't even think about...

What are we doing again?

-Stopping them having a baby.

-Oh, yeah.

KNOCK ON DOOR Craig, sling!

Hi, just popping out for a doctor's appointment.

What? The doctor's? Why? Are you OK?

Fine. Nothing to worry about.

But I'll have a big surprise for you when I get back.

What sort of surprise?

Ah, that would be telling.

Let's just say it's something

that's going to completely change your lives!

Doctor? So it's actually happening.

Maybe Mum's just... got a cold, or something?

So You're Having A Baby.

We're doomed. Doomed.

I still can't believe it. Mum's pregnant!

Sharon? Pregnant?

Ha-ha-ha!

-Hi.

-Hi.

-Hiya.

-You're home early. Nice time?

-Yeah!

It tipped it down with rain.

There's nothing like a sea of mud to bring people together.

Classic festival vibe.

It was a quagmire.

Must have been bad if you read all the way up to Q.

It was a nightmare!

The tent was drier on the outside. And the loos

-will haunt my dreams

-forever. Yeah, you had to go with the flow a bit.

Things were flowing... to the bottom of the field.

Well, at least you kept your dictionary dry.

Yeah, by pinching the plastic bag our loo roll was in.

Roof. Shower. Toast. Civilisation, I missed you!

That's it, that's it.

Good boy.

Oh, one more sip.

-You'll feel better.

-Oh!

A baby, I dunno.

I've only just worked out where to put my lamp.

There, there. Look, here comes the banana express.

-Chugga-chugga-chugga!

-Craig! Craig! Your arms!

It's a miracle! It's a miracle! It's a miracle!

So how'd it go with Jake?

Bit rough. He wasn't playing properly!

Oh? Well, if Jake's good at anything, it's playing!

No, I mean in the band!

Oh, he's got raw talent, that kid

but you know, he just has to grow up a bit.

Where's the glue?

Tell Jake I'm not telling.

Well, tell Tony...

-HE BLOWS RASPBERRY

-Yeah, well, tell Jake...argh!

He's eight-years-old! What's your excuse?

He started it!

What with his getting bored and hungry and wanting to make a plane.

Tony, I don't care if you're a frustrated rock star,

-he looks up to you!

-He does?

Yes, heaven knows why and now he feels you're disappointed with him.

Oh.

Make it up to him, eh? Or else I'll be disappointed.

-And you don't want to see that.

-OK.

How can Mike not know? It doesn't make any sense.

Maybe Mum just hasn't told him yet.

Nah, she'd tell him before us if he's the dad.

Unless...

Mike's not the dad!

Now you're just saying words. What does that mean?

Who else could it be?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Are you thinking at all?

-Dad!

-What about Dad?

Wait, are you saying Dad's the dad?

Dad's the dad. I'll prove it to you. We're going there right now.

SHE SIGHS

Look what I'm making! It's an actual plane!

Hi, Amber. I brought you that toastie maker you wanted to borrow.

Thanks, Lauren. Oh!

Yeah, it's a bit greasy. Might need a bit of a clean.

Anyway, I was just wondering

if I could ask you a few questions, cos you're a bit of a baby brain?

-A midwife.

-Yeah, whatever.

So, you know how you can tell when a woman is going to have a baby

because she has an inner glow

and gets weird food cravings like chicken nuggets with custard?

And a massive belly, yeah.

Well, I was just wondering if there was any way to see

if a MAN is going to have a baby?

You mean, how do fathers-to-be act?

Well, most I've met are really excited and happy.

Ooh, yeah! Fingers of fire!

Although others are sometimes really stressed out and even angry.

What? Oh, no! No! You stupid, stupid thing!

Some are really emotional and get upset easily.

I was so close! So close!

It kind of depends, really. Why do you ask?

Um...friend of mine's dog is having puppies.

We just want to know who's the dog-father...

So that's your proof? Dad shouted at a game?

The guy was like unhinged! The dude's pregnant for sure.

This has gotten way out of hand.

What's he going to tell Amber?

Whatever it is, stay out of it.

If they say anything, act surprised.

If anyone asks for our room, the answer is no!

Millie, Mum and Dad are going to have a baby,

our lives are going to be unchanged forever.

What?

-BOTH:

-Dad!

-Are you absolutely sure?

-Sure sure?

As sure as we can be.

Well, I don't know anything about it.

-There's only one guy involved, and his name begins with Mike.

-See?

You two are going to have to grow up fast.

I had a baby, and believe me, that was the end of my childhood.

Well, why have you got a toy guitar, then?

Ignore that. It's Jake's.

I don't want to live with a baby. They smell like nappies and sour milk.

So will you two soon.

But it'll probably bring you all closer together in the end.

A baby is a wonderful, miraculous magical thing

and you should be very happy.

I know I would be!

You're right, Dad. Thanks.

Tony, do you think we ought to get one of our own?

I don't want another baby! Are you crazy?!

I don't want any more children!

I was talking about the toastie maker. But I'll bear that in mind.

Ah, dolce cucciolo... Oh. I thought you were Sharon.

Just brushing up.

Sorry that we ruined the surprise for you, Mike.

We need to have a proper chat before your mum gets back.

Just taking the video game to the charity shop. Along with my dreams.

Hey! Is that my plane?

That looks...

..looks awesome. I can't believe you did that on your own.

-It took me ages.

-I missed it!

I was really hoping we'd be making the plane together.

We still can. Hurricane, Rolls-Royce of the skies!

Oh! Why'd ya do that?

Now I can make it again. With you.

Oh!

Ha! I see. Great.

Ah, sorry about that whole band thing.

I probably could've had a career as a... Anyway. Sorry.

-Mates?

-Mates.

Good stick-work, by the way. You're like a human drum machine,

but better looking.

Right on the beat.

You were pretty cool, too.

-You could've had a career as an axe!

-Axe-man.

-I'll believe that when I see it!

-Well, that sounds like a challenge. Eh?

Your weapon, sir.

-Yeah, let's rock!

-Yeah.

-Not disappointed?

-Not this time...lucky for you!

I'm home!

How did it go at the doctor's?

Oh, fine. Fine.

Let me take that.

Oh, thanks Craig.

Here, come sit down. Take the weight off your bab...feet!

Feet. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Hi, Mum. I've made you a cup of tea.

Thanks.

Mum! Don't put it on your tummy!

-All right. What is going on?

-Nothing.

Yeah, right. I'm just going to get something from the car.

No, no, I'll get it.

You shouldn't be lifting anything in your condition.

My condition? How did you know?

Mum, it was kind of obvious.

Oh, was it? I don't want anyone making a big fuss.

Don't worry. We'll all chip in and help out.

Yeah, we are right behind you.

Aw. Thanks, guys. I have to say it was a bit of surprise

-when the doctor said there was two of them!

-Two!

I know, I couldn't believe it!

-Yeah, it was a real shock.

-I'll tell you what.

I'll sleep on the sofa, and you can turn my room into a nursery.

And Lauren and I will help look after the baby.

-I mean babies.

-I'm sorry. The what?

And what's most important is that we stop all this arguing.

We've got to stick together now, as a family.

Er, I think someone has got the wrong end of a very weird stick.

I'm not pregnant.

I've got ingrowing toenails!

-What?

-What? Oh!

# Should I stay or should I go now... #

-Go for it!

-Woooo! We love Maximum Voltage!

We're going to complete the game!

I can't believe we're going to finish it.

Whoo!

What...

Why did you do that?

Because then we would have finished it.

And I don't want it to end!

Jake, you know what? You rock!

-Whoo!

-Woo-hoo.

-Let's go again.

-Yeah!

Two, three, four!

What about the big surprise that was going to change our lives?

You know how crowded it's been since Mike and Craig moved in?

-Yeah. So?

-So I bought you bunk-beds!

I thought you might have more space in your room.

What about the baby clothes and the book?

I've been emptying out the old wardrobe.

Yeah, I thought you could have it in your room once the bunk beds were in.

But you left it open on a page of cots!

Next to the page of bunk beds.

What about the list of weird names? Trixibelle. Bathazar?

Names of bunk bed styles.

What about the nursery?

Nursery?

Oh, yeah, they've got a sale on.

They're selling toddlers?

No. It's a garden centre.

I was buying a few plants to dot around up the place.

No further questions.

Definitely no babies?

No, let's just leave it there, shall we?

Good plan.

It's amazing how much less crowded this house feels without

the imaginary baby!

Maybe it has something to do with our new bunk beds.

-They might cause less fights.

-I bagsie the top!

-No, I bagsied it already!

-You can have the bottom.

I want the top! Get off!

Girls! You know I can't get stressed in my condition.

SHE LAUGHS

Now that just gets funnier every time.