Trick or Treat Millie Inbetween

I know what you're thinking - I look brilliant!

It's Halloween!

Me and Lauren always go trick or treating together.

This was last year.

OK, I'll bite. Why are you dressed as a basketball?

I'm not, I'm a pumpkin!

Oh!

All units, we have a pumpkin down.

Ugh, I hate it when she does that.

Before the fun can start,

we're meant to be having tea with Dad's new girlfriend and her kids.

Dad's nervous. You can tell cos his laugh goes up.

Hee-hee-hee!

Oh, no. Who are you?

Lunar Chick!

Sorry, what's that? Loser Chick?

Don't bother. I look good and I know it.

Wow, deluded. Well, I'm not going round with you like that.

PHONE BUZZES

Yes! I'm not going round with you at all. I'm invited to a party!

But we always go...

Millie!

Oh!

Ow.

All units, Loser Chick is down. I know... Again.

Ohh!

HE GRUNTS

Dad's getting stressy.

I don't blame him. I'm nervous, too.

What if they're the kids from hell...

Like Craig!

Or worse, what if they're adorable and Dad likes them better than us?

Right, get a grip.

I'm sure they'll just be, like, normal.

-DOORBELL BUZZES

-Ow!

Haaar!

You must be Jake. You look great!

Oh, you got me.

Jake, we agreed - no poking.

-Hi, love.

-Hiya.

Nice to see you again, girls.

Tony, Lauren, and Millie, these are my two wee beasties,

Fran and Jake.

-Hi.

-Hiya.

-Hi.

We've heard so much about you.

Yeah, like what?

Don't worry, it's good...mostly. Hee-hee-hee!

-Why are sweets all over the floor?

-Oh, I dropped them.

Leave this to me.

So... Cool Halloween costume!

Thanks...but it's not a costume.

Nice start, Loser Girl.

Hey! Ah!

Got you!

Erm, yes, you did, actually. I nearly swallowed my fangs.

Brilliant, yeah? He's been working on it all morning.

Yeah, loving the gaping neck wound.

You're going to slay them out there.

Actually, I'm not bothering going out.

What? Why not?

So I can stay in and answer our door.

Give the kiddies a proper scare.

Awesome!

Thanks. I bet some of them wet themselves.

Yeah, Craig puts the "wee" in Halloween!

Don't forget to put the "Hallo" in either.

Jake, stop it!

Sorry, Fran-Pants.

Lauren...

It's OK. Let her look.

You know you two are exactly the same age?

-I bet you have loads in common.

-Do we?

Yeah, you're both shy. Hee-hee-hee!

So, Fran, what bands do you like?

All sorts. Rubber bands, wrist bands...

..and especially hair bands.

Millie meant, like, music.

Oh, yeah. I like mostly loud music.

-OK! Who wants a drink?

-I'll get them!

-No, I will!

No, I will. You stay here and chat.

My toes may never uncurl again!

Why do parents always think you'll get on with their kids?

I don't even get on with Lauren and she's my sister.

-These are for you.

-No, thanks, I'm working.

No, I mean to give out to the kids.

Fearsome fruit bites! Yeah, much better for them than sweets.

I'm trialling it out for Sunnyshopper.

You don't have to.

Cos I can tell you... One, they won't eat them.

Two, they'll go mushy in the bags and make the proper sweets soggy.

Just give them out, OK?

And three, they will stab each other with those little swords

probably in the eye!

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Customers.

Or shall I call them fresh meat? Stand back.

Let the games begin!

-Zombies, four, kids, nil!

-BOTH:

-Hoo!

Remind me, is Halloween, A - about EVERYONE having a good time?

Or B - older people having a good time

and kids having nightmares for weeks?

-BOTH:

-B.

Here we go, everyone. Isn't this nice?

Hi, Dad! Fran was just telling us how much she likes metal.

-What, heavy metal?

-No. Just metal.

Alloys are my favourite.

-Fizzy drinks!

-Tuck in.

Mum, is that a good idea?

It'll be fine. Just the once.

Ah! I like it here.

Well, it's great to have a young lad around the place.

Wow! You like computer games?

When the girls let me. Hee-hee!

Dad, don't even pretend.

-Careful, Jakey.

-No, it's fine, honestly.

I'm so pleased you guys have finally met.

I was thinking later maybe you could all go

trick or treating together.

That sounds like a wonderful idea.

I can't go trick or treating.

Course you can. You don't want to miss out on the chance

to show the youngsters around the place.

Is that meant to come off?

Hee-hee-hee!

How could you say that?!

I don't want to go round with kids we don't know!

What's the difference? You're all wearing masks.

I'm going to a Halloween party!

Right, I haven't got time for this. Name your price.

-Popcorn after school.

-And trainers without holes.

New trainers. Popcorn. Done.

And I'm going to my Halloween party. End of!

I need you to stay here, all right? You can go later if there's time.

A sleepover each!

Done. Everyone happy?

KIDS SCREAM

Maybe Craig should go out after all.

But he's having a great time and the kids are petrified.

Get him to go out! He's way too scary.

They're kids in sheets, not extras in a horror movie!

People will start avoiding my house.

They are terrified, it's brilliant.

I could do with a sweet top-up, though, actually.

I thought you were offering fruit?

No, I meant for me. No offence, but zombies are fruit intolerant.

Mike, I'll get phone calls!

"My wee Ian has been waking screaming

"since he went to your house and a zombie offered him fruit!"

Yeah, you're right. We should have gone with the sweets.

It's not the fruit. It's the zombie.

OK, OK... I'll talk to him.

What are you looking at?!

Sorry about my mum. She gets carried away.

No problem, it'll be fun.

I'm going as...

Lunar Chick!

I've never heard of her.

She has her own TV show in Spain. Chica De Luna?

-If you say so.

-I bought it in a charity shop.

You bought yours? I made mine myself.

Really? Where is it, then?

In here. I used bits from my spring collection.

Oh, so you're into fashion?

No, I collect springs.

-Right.

-Here I have...

Eyemuffs! And...

Earglasses!

So, what do you think?

Really, erm...

Really imaginative.

Nice work! Props for all this, Son.

I was wondering, though, how come you're not going out yourself?

I'm just a bit old for it really, aren't I?

No, you're never too old. Trick or treat!

Dad, If I'm too old for it, mate, you definitely are.

No, you used to love going out with your mates.

Oh, yeah...

That's it. New neighbourhood, no-one to hang out with.

No, I just like staying in.

It's OK, bud. I get it.

I just think it'd be a bit tragic, shuffling round on my own.

Zombie No Mates.

Yeah, good point. Even the flesh-eating undead do need pals.

I should've thought. My bad.

So, Sharon could not be happier.

But one little thing, yeah?

She wants you just to dial back the scariness just a tad.

For the little ones. Be more of a...fun zombie!

-A fun zombie?

-Yeah, you know, like...

Rrr! Rrr! Rrr...

Brilliant. Fun zombie.

Why did Mum ask them to go round with us?

We don't even know them!

But this feels like a good hunting ground. Lots of sweets.

So, what do you think of them?

Well... The older one seems a bit of an air-head.

The younger one dissed my outfit. And they're both not that friendly.

And their dad's trying WAY too hard.

But other than that, they seem really nice.

Wow. Remind me not to invite you to any of my parties.

-Jake, that's enough.

-Mind your own beeswax.

Where are you going? Don't leave me.

I left my costume in there. Just don't break anything.

Which in your case means not touching anything!

Ooh, scary make-up.

-I've not put any on yet.

-You're not going out in that dress.

-What's wrong with it?

-Any shorter and it'd be a crop-top.

If you were any shorter, you'd be a doorstop.

I wouldn't wear it if I were you...

And that's why you'll be spending a lot of your life doing crosswords.

-Dad will go bonkers.

-I can handle Dad.

And I'm taking round the little kiddies, aren't I?

Yes, I am! Yes, I am!

Stop it!

This is wicked! He's got Vortex Warfare Three!

Who's room is this? If you press your eyelids you can see sparks!

Uh-oh. Sugar rush.

Their dad's got the weirdest laugh. Do you reckon he and Mum snog?

Gross.

Jake, how many of those have you had?

It's only my third. Or fourth. And lots has come out my nose!

-OK, I think I should...

-Hey, get off!

Now look what you've done! That's her Halloween costume!

Sorry, Fran. Sorry, I didn't mean to.

You're a walking disaster area.

Oh, no please don't cry. Not here.

What are we going to do?

OK, don't panic. We can clean it off.

Hi! Dad's bought doughnuts.

We're not hungry, are we?

No.

We're fine here.

Here...in my room?

We'll just be through there.

Great.

What's wrong with him?

Sugar crash.

Yeah...

-Cover your eyes!

-OK.

Ta-dah!

Yay! Oh, wonderful! You look fab.

-I do, don't I?

-Yeah. Oh, I'm so pleased.

It really suits you. You remind me of me when I was your age.

-Dad!

-Yeah?

-No way you're going out dressed like that.

-Why not?

Cos there's not enough of it, that's why not.

You wouldn't want your little girl to feel left out, would you?

That depends what she's being left out of!

Anyone who wears that is an attention seeking bimbo.

Really? Well Amber lent it to me.

She did?

Lauren asked if I had anything appropriate.

Well, it's a nice dress, first thing...

Maybe Amber wasn't quite as tall as you when you were...

I think what your dad's trying to say is it might be a bit full-on.

-You said it was fab.

-For someone your age.

-How old were you when you wore it?

-I was, uh...

-Tony?

-Lauren.

Fine. I'll wear something else. How about a bin bag?

Or some stitched-together hessian sacks?

-Fine by me. As long as it covers...

-It's so unfair. I'm not a child!

Argh!

DOOR SLAMS

We've had a chat. Craig's going to put on something

a bit more kid-friendly. Hey!

A zombie clown?

Oh, well, that's in no way going to freak out a six-year-old.

Hey, you've got to admit that's pretty cute.

Honestly, how is that less scary?

Well, I wouldn't want to scare anyone on Halloween, Sharon!

They're probably screaming at your fruit bites.

It's not the fruit bites!

Fine. Have it your own way.

Halloween's stupid and I'm too old for it, anyway.

It's OK. It's just he'd rather be hanging out with his mates.

It's my fault. You see, rather than going out,

he came up with the idea of answering the door.

It's just a pity it never worked out.

Oh, thanks. I feel much better now.

Good.

Ouch.

Zombies, vampires, and werewolves everywhere,

and the real monsters turned out to be...his dad and my mum!

DOORBELL RINGS

Hello! Ooh, don't you look scary!

We wanted to see the scary zombie.

What are you doing?

It says "stain remover".

It says "use sparingly"! Stand there. Don't touch anything.

Maybe if I dry it...

There you are. What are you two doing in here?

Come on.

This is your chance to hit it off with Mum's new boyfriend's kids.

Which would make Mum really happy.

Oh, come on... Pretty please?

-Ow!

-Jake? Jake, are you all right?

Right, OK, well, I think you'll live.

Fran... Fran?

Wow. You look like rubbish.

Oh, ha-ha.

You really going out dressed as a bin bag?

I'm making a point.

Dad said no, eh? Told you.

Want to live to see 13?

Millie, What are you doing?

We need to get out there or I'll never make it to my party on time.

I can't find my costume. Have you hidden it?

-Why would I hide your Loser Chick suit?

-Lunar Chick.

OK, I don't mind if you look like rubbish.

This coming from a trash bag on legs?

-Ah, hiya!

-Hi.

-Don't go in there.

-Why not?

Because...Jake's in there.

Fran, have you got the...

..BOSTUME?

He isn't in there, is he?

He is now.

-What are you doing?

-Cutting out the bad bits.

How are you going to explain the massive hole in her suit?

Giant moths. You got a better idea?

Yes! Never go out with my hyperactive little brother!

Now what do we going to do?

-Run away.

-Sounds like a plan.

Let's go.

I'm sorry.

I overreacted.

Whatever.

I want you to answer the door.

The kids are all asking for you. Well, the braver ones, anyway.

You're a zombie celebrity!

What about being too scary?

I thought if I was at the door, too, we can still give the kids a fright,

but just not one that's going to...scar them for life.

OK. But we ditch the fruit cos Halloween's all about the sweets.

OK, deal.

-But, obviously, I'm going to need to look the part, too.

-Obviously.

Ha-ha-ha.

What do you think?

How honest am I allowed to be?

Oh, good, you found your costume. Let's go.

Just look at it.

Wow, who did that?

Aw, Jake. Little devil.

Don't go in there. It's a crime scene.

Trust me, the kid did you a favour.

And if we play this right, we don't have to go round with them,

and I can go to my party!

Dad...

What happened?

Millie found it in the bathroom and she found this beside it.

Jake? What do you know about this?

-Well, I...

-I did it.

-It was me.

-But why would you do that?

I...

I...

I was jealous because it was so good.

Oh, Fran!

Dad?

Well, at least someone liked your costume. Hee-hee-hee.

Seriously, I'm, er...

I'm sure we can...

I don't know what to say.

Well, I do. How could you? She looked so cool in it.

We can't go round with you two now. Come on, Loser Chick.

Lunar Chick!

I'm so sorry. I don't know what's gotten into Fran.

Maybe we just introduced the kids too quickly.

Should've started with a drive-by wave.

Why would she do that? And Dad didn't stand up for me.

You know, he's more worried about hurting their feelings.

Well, what about mine?

If I really had superpowers, she'd get what was coming to her...

Zap! Zap! Zap!

-Ahem.

-I was practising for a play.

Whatever. Mum asked me to say sorry about the...

So... Sorry.

Wait.

So you got in a big strop and then tipped stuff over my cossie?

-Right.

-Then you chopped it up and ripped it?

-I just thought it might...

-Then what about the pitchfork?

What is this, an interrogation?

I'm only establishing a timeline.

Jake must've dropped it. He leaves his stuff all over the place.

Once I found his shin pad in the fridge.

Jake told me everything.

It was an accident, OK? He didn't mean to do it!

Just please don't tell Mum.

Fran, we're leaving.

-Why did you tell her?

-I didn't tell her anything.

Oh, very clever, Miss...

Clever.

Come on, Jake.

I can't believe how Dad was so spineless with those kids.

Don't you get it? Dad likes Amber.

Her kids could trash the house and he'd call it redecorating.

I guess you're right. You know, Jake did do it.

Fran took one for her little brother.

I don't get why you would do that.

I know it's hard for you to imagine.

Not hard, Millie, impossible. I'd never do that for you!

All units, we have a bin bag down.

I just want to know one thing - why did you do it?

Cos I'm the older one.

Plus Jake would've blubbed, and it's already embarrassing enough.

Where do you think you're going? You owe me a costume!

If we're going trick or treating, I need something to wear.

And you said you're good at making things.

-Why did you change your mind?

-What you did was pretty cool.

Pretty stupid.

OK, I might have one or two ideas.

Now I AM scared!

KIDS SCREAM

It's OK! We're not real zombies!

But I am! Raa!

KIDS LAUGH

How come they're not screaming at me?

Well, you've either got it or you haven't.

Meet...Loser Chick!

-Yay!

-And her partner, the Human Ear!

-Very good.

-And I'm the big baddie, Devil Boy!

Yay! Whoo-whoo-whoo!

Poke me with that one more time, and you'll be wearing it.

You two can't go out like that.

Look who's talking - the bin bag lady.

Whatever. Let's get this over with.

-That wasn't me.

-Hold on a second.

Take that hat off.

She is so busted.

I'm sure that with a few little adjustments

we can make your dad happy...ish.

The sweets are calling. Are you ready, Human Ear?

Ready! And with my super-hearing,

I can sense my surroundings in microscopic detail.

Ow!

-Where's Craig?

-Oh, some of his mates came round.

A couple of aliens and a Voldemort, so he went out with them.

Aw... I'm so pleased.

-DOORBELL RINGS

-We haven't got any sweets.

It's OK, we've got fruit bites.

-What is this?

-We want sweets. Trick him!

THEY LAUGH

It's not the zombie...it's the fruit.

That girl's so embarrassing.

Asking anyone if they had any unwanted springs.

Well, how else do you build up a spring collection?

I'm glad that's over. Now I can go to my party.

I know, I know... Don't say anything.

Well, we finally met Amber's kids. Now that was an eye-opener.

Jake's clearly a total nightmare.

And at first, I thought Fran was weird.

Now I know she is. But you know what?

Maybe weird's the new normal. Round here it is, anyway.

Ow!

Happy Halloween!