Mum v Mum Millie Inbetween


Mum v Mum

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You'll never guess where my mum wants to take us when Dad gets back.

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Swimming with dolphins? Chicken Hut?

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It's a biker rally, with loads of roary bikes

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and hairy, beardy bikers.

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It sounds amazing!

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-What sounds amazing?

-Amber is taking us to a motorbike rally...

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-Except, I don't want to go.

-Except, Fran doesn't want to go.

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What?!

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Well, I don't blame her. It will be dangerous,

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-smelly and full of motorbikes.

-It won't be smelly

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or full of motorbi... Well, it WILL be full of them.

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-But that's the point.

-And you'll get lost

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or kidnapped or tattooed.

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Mum, Amber is going to be there. What could go wrong?

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Eh, everything I just listed. So, I think it's a no.

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Why can't my mum be cool, like yours?

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I think mine's a bit TOO cool.

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Well, that has to be better than just boring.

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COMPUTER BLEEPS

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Craig...

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..am I boring?

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Uncool?

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It's just that Millie thinks Amber's cooler than me.

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I haven't really met Amber much, but...it's a pretty safe bet.

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# La-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la

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# La-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la

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# La-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la

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# La-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la

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# La, la-la, la-la, la-la

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# La-la, la-la, ahhhh. #

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Wow! Sharon.

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Morning!

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What do you look like this morning?

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Mum, what is that?

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Oh, yeah, I'm rocking shorts over tights today. There's no big drama.

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-I bet Amber does it all the time.

-No, I meant the T-shirt.

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I've always liked the Temper Smarts, you know that.

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Temper Hearts.

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# I'm a boy and you're a girl

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# And you make my heart wanna twirl... #

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# And your singing makes me want to hurl... #

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Mum, that is not the Temper Hearts.

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That is Boy Banter. They are zero chill.

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Oh, yeah, I like Zero Chill, too.

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Mum, it doesn't mean what you think it means!

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I've learnt something important recently.

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Never call your mum boring... especially when she can hear you.

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Yeah? Lovely!

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-Yep.

-'Are you having a good time?'

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-What are you wearing?!

-This is all we could find.

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'Amber?'

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No, no. Just getting the kids off to school now. Say hi to Tony.

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-BOTH:

-Hi, Tony!

-'How are you doing?

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-'Are you getting ready? You should be going.'

-No, we're not late.

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-The clock is fast.

-'No, it runs slow!'

-It's slow?

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-'Yeah.'

-Is it? Good. I did not know that.

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Jake, stop!

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We're going to need this.

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And Millie reckons HER mum is uncool!

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-Honestly, I'm fine.

-'No, I'm checking the train times now.'

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Don't. Look, I am completely under control.

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-'...there on time.'

-OK, yeah, you just relax.

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-'Keep your eye on the ball.'

-Yes, thank you(!) You know what

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-I always say?

-'What?'

-Late is great.

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'Aye, but early is curly, you know that.'

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-It was the other way round yesterday.

-Something has to be done.

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-Yeah.

-Wait, Jake! Whoa!

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-What's this?

-Chocolate.

-And olives.

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Chocolate and olives, I know. Crazy!

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Who wants sandwiches?! They're so..boring, aren't they?

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-You want to trade your chocolate for my olives?

-This is weird!

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-Make it stop!

-Me?

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-You must have done something to Mum.

-It's OK, girls,

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old people go a bit funny sometimes.

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Not like this!

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-Is everything OK, Mum?

-Everything's fine,

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Miss Millie! Zero chill.

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# From the bottom of my heart

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# We will never part. #

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Sort it!

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Oh, don't bother.

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I've got crisps for lunch. It's brilliant.

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Aw, Kylie posted a picture of her new cat.

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It was so sweet. When it was the last one, she stuck up photos

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of it everywhere.

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I know...because it ran away.

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Oh, a new Friend Request!

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Who's Sunny Sharon?

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Oh, no, she's found us!

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ALERT TONE

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She's sent me a video.

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# I don't need no-one, see When I have you in... #

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That's Boys Alive!

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This is really bad!

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-Hi, gang! Good day at school?

-Speak to you later.

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-Great.

-Did you know that the Vikings invented the comb?

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-Erm...

-We can't stop for long.

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Kelly's mum is taking us to that new pizza place.

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-Fran's going to be there.

-I know. I read your online chat.

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-Mum! What have you done?!

-Oh, this?

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I've been meaning to do that for a while, yeah.

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Oh, by the way, I Friended Kylie and we got chatting

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and she says I can come tonight. How cool is that?!

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Oh, no. Mum online is a total nightmare.

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Oh, just come back, man!

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But I'm on my judo-ercise course.

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It's just all getting too weird. I mean, Sharon's lost the plot.

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Hey, hey, I can chop a plank of balsa wood in half. Listen...

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Oof!

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You failed?

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Might need to... saw it halfway through.

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But seriously, just come back. It's all girls and me. I'm outnumbered.

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'They're back.'

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I've got to go.

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And how was I supposed to know she liked Ryan?

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He is piffed, though.

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Ah, it was, literally, the most amazing night ever!

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SHARON GIGGLES

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Aww!

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-Kylie is just ace.

-Ace? Does that mean, like, on point?

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Yeah. Whatevs.

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I am going to help her with her band. Cooking and driving and stuff,

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because she can totally sing. Shame about her mum, though.

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She is just SO uncool. I mean, bookie or what?

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-Mum, please.

-What?

-Stop!

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This is brilliant! You're my bae!

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Oh, I'm going to upload this.

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Mum, isn't it time for your peppermint tea and the news?

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Oh, don't be so lame! Right, who wants more ice cream?

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# There's sprinkles! #

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That was, literally, the least amazing night ever.

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It sounded pretty amazing from here. She's your bae?!

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Now Mum's posting pictures of cats.

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We don't even HAVE a cat.

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Our mum forgot to do the laundry again.

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She's trying to deal with all your dad's work calls.

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She wants him to have a relaxing break.

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At least I didn't have to get dressed.

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Now, when I fall asleep in maths, I've got the right clothes on.

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Yeah, and I'm dressed for double motorbiking.

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Pretty cool, huh?

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Shot fired!

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-Ouch!

-What is it?

-I don't think you'll want to see it.

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Huh! Craig, stop sharing it!

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What is she doing?!

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I am, literally, about to cry.

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Do you know that even know what's up with your mum?

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-She swapped brains with Zoella?

-I don't know anything,

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except that she's lost it.

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She overheard Millie talking the other night, saying she's boring.

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Did you let her hear that?

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I meant boring, but in a good way!

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This stops now!

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I wish my mum was a bit more boring.

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She's always juggling too many plates and, with your dad away,

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they are starting to smash.

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Still, at least it saves us having to wash them up.

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Uh, why did I wish my mum was cool, like yours?

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Huh! No!!

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What if we get my mum to see yours up close -

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show her the plates being smashed. What is she really bad at?

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Everything.

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-Except motorbikes and babies.

-Not true.

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But there is one thing she is absolutely terrible at.

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Fish fingers and chips!

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Enjoy!

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ANGEL TALKS ON PHONE

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Cooking - not her strong point.

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Right, so we will get her to cook dinner for us all, including my mum.

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Then, she will see how terrible it is..

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And my mum will see how epically- organised and together yours is

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and stop trying to do too much.

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You fire up in the oxygen tank, right, but at the same time,

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you have got to fight four caranchas.

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GAMING TONES

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See that high score? Mate, that has taken me WEEKS!

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Here, do you know Lauren? She wanted to play, right,

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but I had to say no. She'd only embarrass herself...obviously.

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OK, that sounds cool.

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It's a date. Thanks, Mum!

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Fantastic! You're the best, Mum!

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-BOTH:

-See you later!

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Yes, Tony, I forgot to do the laundry, but I am doing it now.

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-'I'm coming back.'

-No, no. Do not come home.

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-'But you're not coping.'

-Yeah, I've got this.

-'Have you?'

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-'Really? I'm not so sure.'

-In fact, I'm having a dinner party.

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-That is how on top of things I am.

-'As long as you're happy.

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-'I'll see you soon.'

-OK. All right, bye!

-'Bye.'

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SIGHING

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Maybe I'll do fish fingers.

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GAMING TONES

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-Hiya!

-Aren't you supposed to be at your dad's,

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for Operation Sort Out Sharon(?)

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I have got homework, but I'm bored. Give us a go on your game.

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Seriously?

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-Well, you'll be rubbish.

-Might not be.

-Yeah, you will be.

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Erm..click there.

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And double click there.

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-Why am I going underground?

-You hit "Dig".

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Oh!

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What's that?!

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It's a wererabbit.

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What does it do?

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HE LAUGHS

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I said you'd be rubbish! Do you want to play with some of my mates?

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What?! No way!

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Just thought they could help you.

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-One is a medic, one gets very high scores...

-OK, then.

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Yeah, you can see the other colonists.

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OK, yeah, we could have a party and...

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But I...

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Nasty. And you're still rubbish.

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I'll get some popcorn.

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PHONE RINGS

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-Hey, Dad.

-Craig, mate. Look, I have been thinking,

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I don't want you outnumbered. I'm going to come home early.

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No, no, no. You're all right. I'm actually having a bit of a laugh.

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Oh!

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Oh, OK. Good. Things are good here, too.

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I can punch a hole in some Styrofoam.

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You da man!

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Ara, Ninja!

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Johnny, Lauren's playing the game.

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No, she's so NOT sick.

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Look, spread the word.

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GAMING TONES

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-Ready?

-Ready.

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-ALL:

-Whoa!

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What happened?

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Weird.

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I don't understand it.

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A parallel universe.

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It's the only explanation.

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-Do you think so?

-No!

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No.

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Oh, hi, guys!

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Dinner should be ready when your mum gets here.

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I just have a few calls to make for Tony. He's still on his break.

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But I am on top of everything.

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She's been taken over.

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-By aliens.

-She's juggling all the plates.

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And they are even clean.

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Right, my mum gets here soon.

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She can't see this. She will never get over it.

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We have to ruin everything.

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First, overcook dinner.

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Second, we need to find something that's going to make a mess.

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Volcano.

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Oh, yeah, because we've obviously got a handy volcano(!)

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You know, just lying around.

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Never underestimate Fran.

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Ready? You might want to stand back.

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FROTHING

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It's going to blow!

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Yeah, we might need a LITTLE more messing up than that.

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I've got it. Your dad keeps his films in alphabetical order.

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-There!

-The problem is,

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we need to unleash mayhem., but we are both too neat.

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We need someone who can take this flat from tidy to "tornado hit it".

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My mum, usually.

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PINGING

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Oh, and my mum's nearly here.

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We need a walk-in disaster area.

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Huh. I'm bored.

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Who wants a spaghetti fight?

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This is fun.

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Why aren't you dead yet? You should be dead.

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What is that number in the corner there?

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You've nearly reached my high score.

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-Eee!

-Oh, why aren't you rubbish any more?

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-Look, just give it here...

-No!

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I'm the one that has made friends with all the wererabbits.

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-What?!

-Here, bunny-bunny.

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No, you can't make friends with them. That's impossible.

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ALERT TONE

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ALERT TONE

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ALERT TONE

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Why are you not back here?

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-MEDITATIONAL:

-Because you said you were fine.

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-What are you doing?

-I'm trying to shatter a cracker,

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with the power of thought.

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You can't, of course. It's impossible, but that's the point.

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I will tell you what's not impossible -

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Lauren beating my high score.

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-Yes!!!

-I've got to go.

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I will have to shatter it with the power of my mouth.

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CRUNCHING

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Ninja!

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Sweets?

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Yeah, apparently Tony hid a whole packet before he left,

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so we could have a treasure hunt, but they are hard to find.

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-And you only have one minute.

-OK, but what kind of sweets?

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-You know your favourites?

-Yeah!

-Those ones.

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OK, that's all I need to know!

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-What...? Jake?

-Sweets, sweets! Where are the sweets?!

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Oh, no, have you been at the lemonade?

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SMOKE ALARM BLEEPS

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Is that something burning?!

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-Oh!

-Sweets, come to Jake!

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ROCK MUSIC BLARES

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Dinner is ruined!!

0:15:210:15:23

Fran! Jake, what has got into you?!

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-I have only got one minute!

-It's erupting! Mum, help!

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There is lava on the nibbles!

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DOORBELL RINGING

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I'll get it!

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PHONE RINGING

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Tony, not now!

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MUSIC OFF

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-Sweets!

-Cool!

0:15:490:15:51

BOTH: What?!

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Yeah, this is totally sick. Safe. Millie, we should do our place

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a bit more like this. You know, sort of, exploding sofas,

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volcanoes, slight burning smell.

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-(I thought she couldn't handle the mess?

-She can't. She'll crack soon.)

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(Watch carefully.)

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Look, I'm sorry that the place is, well, erupting.

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Amber, mate...I love it!

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-"Mate"?

-"I love it"?

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-Yeah, it's like bear dench.

-It's what?

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-It, erm, means cool. Yeah, doesn't it, Millie?

-If you say so, Mum.

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-What's up with her hand?

-She's looking for something to fold.

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-She won't know she is doing it.

-Dinner's a tiny bit burnt, sorry.

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Oh, no, biggie!

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Who wants to waste time checking food and making sure it's edible?

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I mean, the less food, the less washing up.

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I'm all right!

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Would you like a nibble?

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Mm-hm.

0:16:430:16:44

(Why is she biting her lip?)

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(She's spotted the DVD that's not in alphabetical order.)

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(She's close to the edge.)

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It just needs...

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Jake! Is that a sweet over there?

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Huh!

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Sweets! Oh!

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Oh, Sharon, I am so, so sorry.

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Oh, yeah. Chillax.

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I actually quite like the orange and lime green combo.

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Actually, I, sort of, see what you mean!

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-Wonder what grey and orange would look like?

-Only one way to find out.

0:17:120:17:16

Oh!

0:17:160:17:17

Bear dench.

0:17:170:17:19

On point.

0:17:190:17:20

ALERT TONE

0:17:250:17:27

Cake!

0:17:430:17:44

For you, Lauren. It's all for you.

0:17:440:17:47

Been saving this up since I was six years old.

0:17:470:17:49

Want my Tooth Fairy money?

0:17:500:17:51

Look at that! Then you could buy your own one of these.

0:17:510:17:54

RATTLING

0:17:540:17:56

-Yas!!

-Let me play one of your favourite tunes.

0:17:580:18:00

MUSIC PLAYS

0:18:010:18:04

Check this out.

0:18:080:18:09

Yes!!

0:18:110:18:12

Yes!!!

0:18:160:18:17

Ha-ha!!

0:18:170:18:18

No!!!

0:18:180:18:20

-How did you..?

-Just because you're slow doesn't mean everyone else is.

0:18:230:18:26

Shouldn't have laughed at me on the bus, then, should you?

0:18:260:18:28

Right, I'm off to go do my homework. See ya!

0:18:280:18:32

ALERT TONE

0:18:380:18:39

Mum's still going to blow. I can tell.

0:18:470:18:49

Just needs one more little thing.

0:18:490:18:51

The straw that made the camel's back totally lose its cool.

0:18:510:18:54

ADULTS LAUGH TOGETHER

0:18:540:18:57

Pepper. You can put pepper on everything. Loads of pepper.

0:18:570:19:00

OK, great.

0:19:000:19:02

So, we need a spoon and...

0:19:020:19:03

Oh, yes!

0:19:060:19:07

Cancel the pepper. This is our secret weapon.

0:19:070:19:11

Cutlery?

0:19:110:19:13

Exactly.

0:19:130:19:14

Mum, can you help me set the table?

0:19:140:19:17

This drawer here.

0:19:190:19:20

Safe!

0:19:200:19:22

Are you OK?

0:19:240:19:25

How do they find anything?

0:19:250:19:26

I mean, it's all, you know... You need spaces and compartments.

0:19:260:19:30

Knives, forks, spoons. It's just the way it is!

0:19:300:19:33

I think I should just get... You'll get cutlery madness!

0:19:330:19:35

It's no good. I can't let this happen.

0:19:370:19:39

-Sharon?

-Millie, Fran, Amber - stop wiping.

0:19:390:19:43

-Eh, I think we'll be OK.

-I'm sure you will,

0:19:430:19:45

-with a drawer like that.

-Excuse me?!

0:19:450:19:47

I mean, why do you even have a volcano in here?

0:19:470:19:50

It was Fran's homework project last month and...

0:19:500:19:53

Why DO we have a volcano in here?

0:19:530:19:55

Millie, why did you show me the cutlery drawer. You know me

0:19:560:19:59

and cutlery drawers!

0:19:590:20:01

And why was Jake looking for sweets?

0:20:010:20:03

I... I thought that maybe you could use some tips from Sharon.

0:20:030:20:08

Tips?!

0:20:080:20:09

-Oh, there's no need to ask who helped you with all this!

-We thought

0:20:100:20:14

you would stop trying to act cooler than Amber.

0:20:140:20:18

Hey, hey, hey! Your mum is fine as she is. She is very...cool.

0:20:180:20:22

Thank you.

0:20:220:20:23

And your mum is fine as she is, too.

0:20:230:20:25

-Mm-hm.

-Even if she is a little bit disorganised.

-Am I?

0:20:250:20:29

Well, I suppose I am... if you're a little bit uptight.

0:20:300:20:33

Uptight?!

0:20:330:20:34

At least I've got a spoon compartment!

0:20:360:20:38

-At least I don't dress like my nan.

-There is nothing wrong

0:20:380:20:41

with the way I dress.

0:20:410:20:43

-You are obsessed.

-You started it!

-I so did not start it!

0:20:430:20:45

-You did start it!

-I so did not start it!

0:20:450:20:48

Craig...

0:20:500:20:52

It's too late. The zombie movie's over.

0:20:520:20:55

The zombies won. Lauren beat my high score.

0:20:550:20:57

-Did she eat your brains, as well?

-She might as well have.

0:20:570:21:00

My life is over.

0:21:000:21:02

With these mind-control techniques that I have learnt,

0:21:020:21:05

we can crush Lauren's highest score. Watch this...

0:21:050:21:07

Whoa, Dad, how did you do that?

0:21:120:21:13

-There was a thing behind it!

-No, there wasn't.

-Yes, there was.

0:21:160:21:19

-Wasn't.

-Was!

-Don't mess with me!

0:21:190:21:21

I am a Ninja.

0:21:210:21:22

It's really not a problem, Sharon.

0:21:260:21:28

-Why don't you take the cloth?

-I wasn't meaning to be rude.

0:21:280:21:32

-I was just trying the help.

-It's completely fine.

-I'm sorry!

0:21:320:21:35

Look, Mum, I know I called you boring and you're not.

0:21:350:21:39

Well, you are,

0:21:400:21:41

but in a cool way.

0:21:410:21:43

See?

0:21:430:21:44

Eh, not really.

0:21:440:21:47

And it's useful having my clothes all sorted by colour,

0:21:470:21:49

you know, in case I get invited to...

0:21:490:21:52

-A rainbow party!

-Yeah!

0:21:520:21:54

Sorted by colour?

0:21:540:21:56

Just sorted would be good.

0:21:570:22:00

Or even there, at all.

0:22:000:22:01

I guess you are just a bit TOO cool sometimes.

0:22:020:22:05

Aren't I even a bit boring?

0:22:050:22:07

A bit.

0:22:070:22:08

-We're just going to go and...

-Clean up in there!

0:22:100:22:13

-The food looked nice.

-Oh, it was really a takeaway.

0:22:170:22:20

-Oh, I do that sometimes.

-Yeah?!

0:22:200:22:22

Yeah, the girls never know!

0:22:220:22:24

-Well, it's ruined now, anyway, so...

-Oh, never mind.

0:22:260:22:30

Actually...

0:22:300:22:31

..beef casserole.

0:22:340:22:36

You carry an emergency casserole in your bag?

0:22:360:22:38

Only when I come to yours.

0:22:380:22:40

It's quite hard, you know,

0:22:400:22:44

looking after kids who are used to the world's most perfect mum.

0:22:440:22:48

No, do you know how hard it is, now they hang out with the world's

0:22:480:22:50

coolest biker chick?

0:22:500:22:52

I suppose I am pretty cool!

0:22:520:22:54

Well...I'm pretty perfect.

0:22:540:22:56

And I love your hair, by the way. It's ace.

0:22:560:22:58

-Oh, no-one says ace any more.

-Oh.

-No, it's "sick".

0:22:580:23:01

It's sick.

0:23:010:23:02

Sorry, do you mind..?

0:23:040:23:06

Can I just..?

0:23:060:23:07

And breathe.

0:23:110:23:13

I can't do boring.

0:23:170:23:18

It's just so boring.

0:23:180:23:19

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

0:23:190:23:22

Hey! I'm back!

0:23:220:23:24

Tony, I told you not to come home!

0:23:240:23:26

Well, I had to. My holiday was over.

0:23:260:23:28

Oh, yeah!

0:23:280:23:29

It looks like things haven't fallen apart without me.

0:23:290:23:31

Of course not. Like I said, everything is under control.

0:23:310:23:34

Will you do this?

0:23:390:23:40

-You're back!

-Hey!

0:23:400:23:42

Thank goodness!

0:23:440:23:46

Oh, and thanks for the treasure hunt, by the way.

0:23:460:23:48

-How did you all get on?

-Actually, Mum has coped pretty well.

0:23:500:23:54

And Fran will be making packed lunches for us all, all week. Cool?

0:23:540:24:00

Cool!

0:24:000:24:01

Well, maybe I've never been cool. I mean what is "cool"? Define cool.

0:24:040:24:10

Not dressing your entire family in matching fleeces.

0:24:100:24:13

Ah, well, perhaps I could be a bit more chillaxed.

0:24:140:24:17

-Don't ever say that again.

-Right, I'll be calmer. I'll be cool.

0:24:170:24:21

I'll be calm.

0:24:210:24:23

So, Craig - bah-ah! -

0:24:230:24:25

Lauren totally dissed you. Everyone is talking about it online!

0:24:250:24:29

That is WAY shameful, dude!

0:24:290:24:32

Yeah. I'll Unfriend everyone tomorrow.

0:24:330:24:35

Ooh! Look out! Chlorantula!

0:24:360:24:38

Like I said, Mum's great and so is Amber.

0:24:410:24:45

But in this world, some people are cool and some...

0:24:450:24:48

..some just like to know where their spoons are.

0:24:540:24:57

# La-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la

0:25:010:25:03

# La-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la

0:25:030:25:05

# La-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la

0:25:050:25:08

# La-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la

0:25:080:25:10

# La, la-la, la-la, la-la

0:25:100:25:17

# Aaaaaah... #

0:25:170:25:18

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