So Long Sunnyshopper Millie Inbetween

MUSIC ON RADIO IN BACKGROUND

No matter how many times he does it,

I will never get used to seeing Mike drink a cabbage.

-Ah!

-Oh...

-Yuck.

-Sorry, did you want some?

Oh! Sunny Shopper!

What's happened now?

I don't want to talk about it.

Three, two, one...

They took down my "veggies are out of this world" display.

I made a whole vegetable solar system.

Oh, that boss! It's him that should be getting made redundant, not me.

Everybody loved my cucumber space rocket.

-Say that again?

-Everybody loved my cucumber space rocket.

No, before that.

Oh, um... I'm getting made redundant.

That doesn't sound good.

-What's it mean?

-It means her job is going.

-Going where?

-Going bye-bye.

I'm being replaced with a self-service checkout.

So long, Sunny Shopper. Vroom!

This is a disaster. We're going to have to move!

And only eat beans on toast!

And what about those Uff boots Mum was going to buy me?

At least YOU'VE got your priorities straight(!)

Mum said they had to cut back on staff,

but she had better ideas than anyone there.

I'll tell you why I'm dressed as a lobster.

I didn't ask.

International Seafood Day at work.

'OK, so her live lobster lucky dip was a fail.

-'But you have to expect...'

-Stop that.

'..ups and downs with someone uncreative.'

I don't see what YOU'RE so smug about.

You can forget about that school trip.

-What? No. Mum promised.

-That was before.

Before, when we had all the broken biscuits and dented tins

we ever wanted.

So, I was meant to be going on this school trip

to an outdoor adventure centre. But maybe we all have to make sacrifices.

This is huge. I have to tell Dad.

-If Mum asks us to...

-SHE GASPS

-Mum, how did you do that?!

-Invisibility apron.

Now, don't go blabbing to your dad. Because it's none of his business.

I'm sure there's lots of jobs out there for really old people...

-Experienced people.

-Really?

-We'll be fine. Really.

Now, come and have your tea. It's your favourite. Beans on toast.

Ohhhh!

She loves beans on toast.

Mum, I'll understand if you have to cancel my school trip.

That's really sweet of you,

but I'll be getting a wee payoff from Sunny Shopper, so...

we'll be all right.

Yes!

So, the trip is still on and I get extra credit for offering. Result!

You're going to have to open it at some point, you know.

Letters from the taxman are never good news.

Yeah, you're right. Just ignore it(!)

I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Prison?

And probably not even a high-security one.

-It's a refund!

-What?

They're sending me...800 quid!

-800 quid!

-Yes!

I can get that next-generation games console

with the HD V-smart VR goggles!

Are we blowing it, then?

-We?

-Cos I'd love a walkie-talkie for my bike helmet.

-Did someone say we won some money?

-Aye, here we go.

Can we finally get a tiger?

-That might be a bit impractical.

-Aw!

-OK, What about a micro-pig?

-Mm-hm.

-They're much easier and so cute.

-Come on, please.

-Please!

Then we can feed it to the tiger.

Mum, where's my PE kit?

-Watch where you're going!

-I can't. I've lost my glasses.

Has anyone seen my callipers?

-Callipers. PE kit.

-Thank you.

-Your specs.

-Mum...

-What?

-What are you wearing?

-Oh! Silly me.

I'm on autopilot, yeah.

When you're on the scrapheap, funny things happen to your brain.

-You going to be OK?

-Of course. Yeah. I'm fine.

Remember, a setback is often an opportunity in a wig.

-What?

-In disguise.

Yeah. Thanks, Mike.

-Right, off you go. Don't be late.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye, Mum.

SHE SIGHS

Right.

MUSIC ON RADIO

"Dog walker. Must have own scoop."

Hmm. Maybe not.

"Dinner lady."

Hmm. No, not since seeing Craig eat.

SHE SIGHS

Re-dun-dant.

"Unnecessary or surplus to requirement."

SHE SIGHS

I'm unnecessary.

THERE'S my birthing beanbag!

Argh!

Tony!

-Sorry. They're letting me test out the VR goggles.

-That is well freaky.

Is that for your pregnant ladies?

Yeah, something to hold on to when they're all, you know...

SHE GROANS

But it seems to have lost all the beans.

BOTH: Jake.

Listen, I'm sorry about the kids pestering you.

It's no bother.

-No, it's your money. You should do with it what you want.

-Thanks.

Although that bike walkie-talkie IS on sale.

You're flying around Venus or whatever. Sorry. I should go.

Oh, this is hopeless!

I'm going to wind up disappointing someone and I worried it'll be me.

What about putting it towards a break for all of us?

That would be the mature, sensible thing to do.

Blow it on a holiday. Hmm.

We don't just dump our coats on the floor, do we? We use a hook.

Look. There's yours, Craig.

-It's not like it's got my name on it.

-Actually...

..it does.

I don't like the look of this.

She's ironed our pants!

And where's all my Timber Heart stuff?

And my books?

CRAIG SHRIEKS

I can literally...see my floor!

Everything gone.

Months of hard work ruined!

And she opened my window and let all this air in.

Extreme tidying.

Mum! What's got into you?

You don't need all that clutter.

I'm taking it to the car-boot sale.

Not my books, you're not.

You mustn't be afraid to let go.

No. YOU let go!

No. What, why...? Mum!

Sharon has completely lost it.

She colour-coded my sock drawer!

She's now thrown away all my pants with holes in them.

Which means I have no pants.

You're going commando? Gross!

No offence, mate, but that is gross. Right, we need to stop her.

This is classic avoidance activity.

-What's that?

-Like when you have a bubble bath

when you should be doing your homework.

Someone needs to have a word with Sharon,

find out what's bothering her.

Me? Again?

Why am I always the one to have a word?

Because you're the best at it.

OK, flattery will get you everywhere.

-I'll talk to her.

-Right, I'm off to Dad's.

-Remember, no blabbing about Mum.

-Please, what do you take me for?

Mum's been made redundant. But you didn't hear it from me, all right?

Oh, no, she loved that job. Well, she'll be OK. Not to worry.

Not to worry? She used to have a job and a uniform,

and now she has turned into a mad house-botherer.

Don't let her cuddly outside fool you.

Inside she's as tough as nails. Believe me, I know.

She'll be fine.

Thanks, Dad.

Besides, it could be a good thing.

I used to have a regular job.

Look at me now.

Dad, you're in your dressing gown, hitting golf balls into a shoe.

Living the dream. This is what happiness looks like.

I'm freelance. I work my own hours.

Just giving you a heads-up.

Anything that I can do to help?

You could buy me some Uff boots.

Right, join the queue.

My pay-out from Sunny Shopper.

It's not much, is it, after all those years?

Still, it's your school trip and Lauren's boots taken care of.

Mum, your CV is great. Anyone would love to have you.

-So why the avoidance activity?

-Hmm?

What? What avoidance activity?

I just want to work somewhere where my ideas are listened to.

Not squashed like rotten tomatoes.

Maybe you should...

open up a shop. Veggie World.

Do you know, I used to have this crazy idea that

I'd start a business from home.

Yes, do it!

Now is the perfect time.

Millie, I've been put out to pasture. Recycled.

Replaced with a machine that says, "Put item in bagging area."

-I'm not exactly feeling very confident.

-Well, you should.

Because you are brilliant.

You made Sir Whiffalot for me when I was five.

-It's a very funny name for a pony.

-Oh, I always thought he was a dog.

See? I can't start my own business!

I can't even make a pony that doesn't look like a puppy.

If I went on Dragons' Den with that, they'd just laugh at me.

You never know until you've tried.

I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try and have a few ideas.

But, you know, if I do start my own business,

I'm going to need this, and more.

-And, well, you know what that means?

-No school trip.

And Lauren shouting because no Uff boots.

But this is more important.

OK. I'll try it.

For one day.

But let just keep this between you and I for now, yeah?

Thanks, Millie.

What have I done?

What if all her ideas are bonkers and it all goes pear-shaped?

I'll have blown my school trip for nothing.

Well, how did it go? Does she need a foot rub?

You can hold a lot of negative thoughts in your feet.

Is she going to leave the house? Get another job?

Or is she going to mess up my socks again?!

Um, everything is fine!

She'll start on that job search first thing in the morning.

-Oh-ho!

-Thank goodness.

See, I knew you'd get her to do the sensible thing.

-AMBER:

-Oh, I can't wait to tell Fran and Jake.

What?

I was thinking, maybe I should... save my money instead.

Well, you ARE saving it. For the holiday.

At which point, you'll be spending it on us.

I mean, until Sharon gets a new job.

What if the girls need a bit more support?

And that's why you're the guy for me.

-Even though I am gutted.

-I'm sorry.

And hooray.

-Are we going to Spain?

-No.

Tony just clicked on an ad by mistake.

Wicked! Look.

Is that the stuffing from my birthing beanbag?

-I can make an indoor snowstorm.

-No, no, please don't. No, no. Jake!

HAIRDRYER WHIRS

So, I couldn't find my school stuff this morning,

and it turns out your mum put it on my shelf.

I mean, who's going to look there? It's just ridiculous.

I'm sure Sharon will have calmed down.

-Mum!

-Oh, hi, love. I've been having so much fun.

Watch this.

-FIZZING

-Oops.

POP!

-Why are you home so early?

-I'm not early.

-I need to tidy up before they...

-Too late.

-Hello.

Does anyone smell smoke and fried... watermelon?

Sharon, you've obviously been under a lot of pressure.

-Perhaps more than we realised.

-It's fine.

Everyone, stop saying, "It's fine." Mum, you've lost it!

I'm not sure she ever had it.

I honestly haven't.

-Well, then, what's the matter, Sharon?

-It's all Millie's fault.

-You! You always make things into a disaster!

-What happened to...

"Because you're the best"?

-FRAN:

-I sent you a picture of my new cagoule.

It's on the equipment list. For the trip.

The thing is, I'm probably not going.

What? Why?

This isn't about the money, is it? Since...

you know, your mum got sacked?

Made redundant.

-Wait, how do you know about that?

-Lauren told your dad.

-It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

-Having a blabbermouth sister?

No. Needing to save money.

I just don't want people feeling sorry for me.

It's me I feel sorry for.

Who's going to hold my hand on the high ropes now?

Starting a business?

I was thinking about what you said the other morning.

"Has anyone seen my callipers?"

No. How a setback might be an opportunity.

Yeah, but to start a business, you have to have a good idea.

I've got some.

Like what? Like that thing in the hall?

What is that, by the way, Sharon?

It's a pop-up garden shed.

Only it won't pop down.

Or a chocolate monkey hand.

That's meant to be an edible glove.

Why would you... Never mind.

And that's just the start.

You're going to need other stuff, like money and experience.

Oh, you're right. People like me don't do something like this.

Even my own family don't think I can.

Yeah, I feel like that.

Why have a dream if it's going to be crushed?

Hey, no, that's not what I meant.

What I said was, you know,

you can't build Rome in a day... on your own... out of stuffing.

Or chocolate monkey hands.

She's got loads of other ideas. Better ones.

We can all help. We can all pitch in and volunteer ideas.

-No way.

-That's an order.

This is what life is all about - taking risks, living dangerously.

You're so not selling this to me.

Right, we are officially a think tank,

so no criticism, keep the energy flowing around the circle.

Don't let it get trapped in the corners.

But, Dad, circles don't have corners.

I know. Because then it would be a square.

And you cannot drive a car with square wheels.

So, positive energy in the circle.

The calendar scarf.

You put your dates in these and you wear them.

Combining two uses. Sorting your life out...

And keeping your neck warm.

Fashion shoes. But with a heel at the front for walking downhill.

That is literally the worst idea I've ever heard.

Craig... Stay positive.

POSITIVELY the worst idea I've ever heard.

Fine.

These are inspired by my days at Sunny Shopper.

-Food cushions.

-CRAIG: What, cushions you can eat?

You can't actually eat them, Craig.

Well, what's the point in that?

I have created an app which allows you to see

when your parents are going to get home.

And I call it the Parent Tracker.

What would you need that for?

Never lose your glasses again with...phone glasses.

PHONE BEEPS

This is MY phone!

It's only a prototype.

I've missed four likes, two chats and a ping!

Drawer Angels.

A personal drawer-tidying service. "Your drawers are our business."

You might want to rethink the slogan.

I'm out.

For the last time, this isn't Dragons' Den.

So what do we all think, then?

ALL TALK AT ONCE

-This is hopeless!

-I think we should do them all. I love 'em.

Oh, Dad, the circle is over. It's time to be honest.

I can only afford one shot. It has to be right.

Then we've got to find someone neutral to test them.

Where are we going to find anyone?

Leave it to us, Mum. Me and Lauren will find someone...somewhere.

-What is a focus group?

-A bunch of opticians on holiday?

Funny(!)

-Whatever it is, it costs loads.

-And what if they don't like anything?

For that price, they should like it all.

Mum's already started making prototypes.

Maybe we could help narrow that down.

-Hello. Did you find anywhere?

-Not yet.

-We're still working on it.

-We can't do this here.

-Right, let's take this over to Dad.

Chuck me my phone.

Never lose your hairbrush again!

I'm seriously going to kill you!

Hi, Dad.

So, Shazza's going freelance. Good on her.

-I could give her some tips.

-On shoe golf?

OK, we are going to need some privacy.

Oi, don't touch that. It's not yours.

This looks nice. Good design.

But a serious fire hazard.

Does it still count as one of your five a day?

Fran, can you give me a hand with this?

I have to get ready for work.

-Are you thinking what I'm taking? These guys are neutral.

-And free.

-But what would Mum think?

-We don't have to tell her.

We'll make up a website. She'll never know. She's over 30.

OK, guys, we think you should test out her ideas.

What, us?

-Is Mum OK with that?

-Yeah, she's... fine. She just wants guinea pigs.

-You guys are getting guinea pigs? Wicked!

-She means us.

-What, so we're going to have to eat those little pellets?

-No!

It sounds like a giggle. What do you reckon, team, eh?

These'll do nicely.

Right, going to have to love you and leave you, I'm afraid. Bye!

Right, well, we will road-test this lot

in a fair-minded and totally impartial manner.

And if they're pants, we'll say so. Come on, let's get started.

Hmm.

Sparkies Electrics. You'll get a buzz from us.

Hang on. Er, let me see.

Sorry, when did you say? January?

January...

Um, would... Hello? Hello?

HE SIGHS

OK. This is good.

Oh!

Maybe not.

Pop down!

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh!

Don't just stand there. Help!

Pop-up shed!

It's Parent Tracker. We've got about two minutes.

Quick. Let's hide the evidence.

-Any news from the testing people the girls found?

-Oh, not yet.

They said they'd be some time. They're professionals.

-What were they called?

-The girls told me. I wrote it down.

"Consumer Testo Product Focus."

Consumer Testo Product Focus?

-Dot com.

-Let's have a look at their website.

"Page not found."

Could try turning it on and off again?

Probably best to wait for one of the kids to help.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Oh, yes, this is she.

Thank you. That's very flattering.

Could you hold on a second?

Lauren couldn't make it, but I'm here.

So fire away. What did you think?

Well, some of the ideas were good.

But had one awful, fatal flaw.

And some didn't.

But were absolutely rubbish.

Except Parent Tracker.

Oh, yeah, Parent Tracker was brill.

Aye, as long as we could have Kid Tracker as well.

Are you having one, too? That would spoil everything!

So, you mean, that's it? Back to the drawing board?

I'm afraid so.

We did say we'd tell you if they were pants.

And they were. Sorry.

This is what I was afraid of.

Mum's ideas are exactly like Craig's pants.

They've all got to go in the bin.

Now I won't get to go on my school trip, oh, and, even worse,

I'll to break the bad news to Mum.

Not one of them?

Sorry, Mum.

Oh, well, it was fun while it lasted.

-Oh, come on, you're just getting warmed up.

-Yeah.

What about that edible glove? What if you made it not edible?

Then it'd just be a glove.

Right, come on, all aboard the think tank. Whoo-whoo!

Dad, please, no!

It's all right. I've got some good news.

I had a call from Sunny Shopper.

They're opening another store, and they want me to apply.

They're going to give me a quick call back

when I've had time to think. But...

Well, now I've decided.

-That's great, Sharon. Well done.

-PHONE RINGS

That's probably her now.

Hello.

-Sharon? It's Amber.

-Oh, hello.

Would you like Millie or Lauren?

I've just got off shift

and I was giving you a ring about your foodie cushions.

My what?

You know how we've been testing your business ideas over here?

You've been testing them?

Except the cushions. I took them to work.

'See, Jake emptied my birthing beanbag.'

It's snowing!

Jake, would you stop that, please?

Anyway, I grabbed the bag of cushions

because I had to take something, and everyone went wild over them.

And believe me, these are women with a lot on their minds.

Anything else?

It's just that I've got over 20 pre-orders

if you do end up making them. They loved the broccoli bolster.

One of the dads tried to walk off with it.

OK, well, I just thought I'd let you know. And good luck.

-'Thanks. Bye.'

-Bye.

Tony tested them?!

I thought you said it was the Product Testo Focus thingy!

I asked you NOT to tell him, but you did.

And you got him to test MY products, which... They're all rubbish!

-I mean, whose idea was that?

-Hers.

-They're neutral.

-What? Tony? Neutral?

It wasn't just Dad, it was the lot of them.

How can I trust what your dad's girlfriend and her kids say?!

If you can't trust your family, who can you trust?

-But they're not my family.

-But they're ours.

-So don't listen to them, then. Just do what you want!

-No, no, no!

This has gone on long enough. I'm-I'm so embarrassed!

Hey, hang on. What did Amber actually say?

You know, she took them into work, without my permission,

and she got all these advance orders and interest and stuff.

So, people that you don't know loved them and wanted to buy them?

Yeah.

Even whilst they were having babies?

I'm going to get this all over social media like a rash.

And Craig will volunteer to do you a website.

-What? No, I won't.

-That's an order.

I think you need to learn what the word "volunteer" means.

I can help with stuffing.

And I can take on extra classes.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

Oh, yes, hello.

Um, I have had time to think about it.

And...well...

something else has come up for me.

So...

Thank you.

Well...

So long, Sunny Shopper!

DOORBELL

-Hi, Fran.

-Hi.

-Is that your new cagoule?

-No. It's yours.

-Mine?

-You're coming on the trip. I told your dad about it.

-He said he'd cough up.

-Really?!

Wow!

-Thanks, Fran.

-Got to go. See you on the high ropes!

-Bye.

-Bye.

PHONE RINGS

-Hi.

-Hi, Dad. Thanks.

It's no bother. I had a bit of a windfall and...

Well, I was going to blow it on me, to be honest,

but then everyone got in on the act, so...

Why not treat them? They're family, too.

When Fran told us about it, the first thing they all said was

I should make sure you go. And I agree.

Lauren went and Jake'll go and...

Well, this is your turn. You and Fran.

You are so ace, Dad!

Just doing my job. You go and have fun.

That was a couple of weeks ago.

And now Lauren's doing what she does best - getting the word out.

PHONE BEEPING

Oh!

And, yeah, she got her new Uff boots.

And Craig's website's gone live...

after Mum deleted all of his Parent Tracking pages.

And Mike...

Well, he's been taking so many extra Ab Attack classes,

he's like one big ab.

And...I'm off!

High ropes. The bog run. Abseiling!

Basically, six days of sheer terror.

But compared to round here, it should feel like a rest.

And I'm taking a cabbage to help me recover.

-Hey!

-What?