Playdate Millie Inbetween

I love half-term,

and I've got some big plans -

getting up late, lazing around,

doing as I please,

maybe making some chocolate brownies -

and that is JUST the morning!

Sorry, did you just say "pack"?

Don't forget your waterproofs - the weather looks dicey.

-Mike's mate's had a cancellation...

-On his caravan.

-So we can spend the half-term there.

-For free!

All squeezed in together.

That's...unbelievable.

And not in the good way.

That caravan is well dodgy,

and I do not want to spend my half-term under half a roof.

We thought you'd all be thrilled.

We wanted to surprise you.

I am surprised -

surprised that you forgot I have another English test coming up!

-No problem, you can bring your books...

-"Books"!

I don't have time for books, Mike - I've got an exam.

And I'm staring my new career as a superstar songwriter.

Can't you do that on a caravan?

No, you see, my friend Cherish is helping me write lyrics.

She's a poet, Dad.

We have a deep connection.

Don't you remember how much fun we had in the caravan last time?

How could I forget?

THUNDER RUMBLES, WATER TRICKLES

-Who fancies a quick walk?

-Yeah!

Oh, have the fields changed much since the last one?

Oh, yeah!

They're wetter.

It was a long week.

It was so fun, but the thing about surprising us is...

we've already made other plans.

-Really?

-Oh.

-CRAIG:

-Yep, maybe next time, eh?

I hate to disappoint them, but parents have to learn -

they can't always have their own way.

Years ago, they would have jumped at that.

They're growing up.

I was looking forward to spending some more time

with the kids for a change...

-Somewhere they can't get away.

-Me too.

But we don't have to go to the caravan to do that.

We could stay here and join in with them.

Their plans don't include us.

Let's face it, Mike, we're invisible.

Well, let's do something about that.

I used to write songs when I was Craig's age -

I could dig them out and inspire him.

And I love making brownies with Millie.

-Well, let's do this!

-Right!

You make me feel lower than a pair of a rapper's jeans.

If you're peri-peri chicken, then I'm a side of baked beans.

Wow. That's good.

It's called the Chicken Hop Blues.

You're really sensitive, you know?

Am I?

I mean...

I just write from the heart, I suppose.

And the stomach.

And you're quite...spiritual too.

Have you ever tried meditating?

No. See, my dad's the one...

Yeah, I mean, meditating... All the time.

The quest for the perfect brownie.

Oh! Ugh...

It's best if we just keep things tidy.

"We"?

Oh, and I always tick off the ingredients as I go along.

Well, I had to find another recipe book.

I couldn't read the old one for all the ticks.

MILLIE SIGHS

Oh, that oven is way too hot. No, brownies burn really easily.

I'll just turn it down a bit.

Where would you be without me?

I don't know, because here you are!

Oh, isn't it lovely just kicking back

and spending some time together for a change?

Yeah...

She is seriously cramping my style.

That's the problem with parents at half-term -

not enough to do.

Oh, Jake! Jake!

Wait! You forgot your clean pants.

No, I'm wearing them.

Me and Fran are only gone for five days.

-Hey, have fun at your dad's.

-Miss you already. Mwah!

-FRAN:

-Come on, Jake, we're waiting!

-CHEERING

-Oh, yes!

Five whole days.

We can do anything we want!

So, what shall we do?

# I'm floating in outer space

# Locked in my carapace

# Safe in my special place

# So Mum can't get me

# Oo-oo-ooh. #

Now, you see how I made that rhyme?

-Yeah. Too cute, wasn't it, Craig?

-Mm... Yeah.

Didn't make much sense, though.

Well, that's poetry, eh, Cherish?

To get the full effect, you really need to have the synthesiser.

A synthesiser? Amazing! You haven't still got it, have you?

Yeah, somewhere.

It would probably take me the rest of half-term to find it, though.

Can you get it, though, Dad? It would be SO great to hear it.

Would it?

OK, yeah!

Ha-ha, this is such fun!

-Ha...

-Ha...

Great guy.

Did you grease the tin first?

Oh, never mind. We'll try again.

You can't eat these anyway - the whole base will be burned.

You know, Mum,

Lauren is really stressed out about her English exam

and she needs your help but she's too proud to ask.

Does she?

Aw, bless her.

Can you manage without me, Millie?

Well, it will be a struggle, but I'll give it a go.

I feel bad for doing that to Lauren, but this is an emergency,

and the problem is, Mum thinks there's only one way to do things -

her way!

SYNTH PLAYS BEAT

# Destruction and evil

# The work of the weevil... #

Wait, hang on, hang on. Weevil? Why not devil?

SHE SCOFFS

It works on a different level, Craig!

Yeah, and it rhymes!

But it doesn't make any sense.

That's poetry, right, Cherish?

OK, from the top.

SYNTH PLAYS BEAT

# Destruction and evil

# The work of the weevil... #

You should have said you were worried about your exam. I'll help.

Thanks, but I've already got an online study buddy

and he is well hot... at English.

He is well hot at English.

INCOMING CALL JINGLE

Hi, Harry!

'Hey, babe. Hey, did you hear about Chloe and Ben?'

Harry, my mum's here.

Hi, Harry. I'm Sharon.

We can have a little study circle, just the three of us.

SHE PAUSES CHAT

OK, do you really want to help?

Yeah, I've got loads of time. Hit me.

-Read that - it's my set text.

-What's it about?

How should I know?

That's why I was getting you to read it.

-SHE RESTARTS CHAT

-Hi!

I was just telling my mum how clever you were.

'You're way more clever than me!

'You've finished all of War And Peace.'

You know me, once I start something...

SHE GIGGLES

-Right, are you ready for some special treats?

-Yes!

Oh, chocolate doughnuts!

Wait, how are they special?

-Dark chocolate.

-Oh!

Mm, mm! That is so good. Oh...

-Fizz? Wicked!

-It's not even diet!

DOCTOR WHO THEME

Oh, look, it's Doctor Who already.

Jake, quick, it's Doctor...

'..architecture is a movement that...'

-Custard cream?

-Mm!

'..descending from the modernist architectural movement

'of the early 20th century.'

Millie!

You panned Mum off onto me?!

We have to share responsibility, and she was driving me mad!

And now she's driving me madder.

I am going to kill my dad! He just won't leave me and Cherish alone.

What's up with them?

We may as well be stuck in a caravan together.

MESSAGE TONE

"Bring back my games console and let's do karaoke."

Great! Now our dad wants to hang out with us.

I thought that by their age, parents are meant to be less trouble.

They both need distracting.

Maybe I could organise a playdate.

A playdate?

That's a nice idea, but do you really think

they're going to want to hang out with each other?

What about when they argue over the toys?

Leave it to me.

It's true, they wouldn't do this normally.

UNLESS they thought they were doing each other a favour.

Ha.

The thing is, Dad,

we're driving Mum and Mike a bit crazy.

They could really use a break from us.

One down, one to go.

Dad and Amber are a bit lonely without anyone there.

They were really hoping you'd come round.

OK.

Great, come on.

You will enjoy it once you're there.

It's not that we don't love spending time with you...

-It's just we've got things to do.

-Plus, we won't always be around.

-You need to find more...activities.

-"Activities".

That don't interfere with us.

I'll look after your brownies for you, Millie.

Well, remember to leave the baking until I get back, eh?

When you get back, I'll have the perfect brownie waiting for you.

-I don't need any help.

-Fine.

I thought the new band was going so well.

Aw, Dad! There is no "new band"!

If you want a band, find someone your own age.

Now, you enjoy yourself.

They're just grumpy because they're hungry.

I'll give them a snack on the way.

Hi!

Ugh...

So, that's where you put your coats and shoes

and in there is the bathroom.

-Hello.

-Hi.

-Hiya.

Welcome to the child-free zone.

Not including future children.

Well, she mainly stays quiet.

For now.

Right...! Well, have fun, all of you.

I'll call you if we need anything.

So...

Lauren burnt my brownies, but I'm going to show Mum.

If you don't experiment,

then how can you come up with something new and amazing?

Cinnamon? Why not?

Oh...

Now we can kick back and enjoy half-term.

Who needs grown-ups, eh?

INCOMING CALL JINGLE

I'm not even here.

Hi, Harry.

Hi, remember me, Lauren's fun sister?

'OK, shall we get on with it?'

Yes, so you were going to tell me about Ben and Chloe.

I meant the English revision.

How do you see the female characters?

You can't see them, Harry - it's a book!

Maybe if it's EVER made into a film...

So, come on, dish.

So show me what you've got, then, hey?

Be nice. You were a bit insensitive about my weevil.

Can you sing them like your dad?

Or can't you play a synth?

I've got a whole mixing studio in here.

Of course I could play this old thing.

BEAT PLAYS

HE PLAYS JARRING CHORDS

It's out of tune.

So, if I leave 15 minutes earlier,

I miss the rush AND I get to school before 8.30.

SHE GIGGLES

Legit? Ben and Chloe are an item?

'Yeah, they got together in the end, like Pierre and Natasha.'

Are they in the year above is?

'They're in War And Peace - the set text.'

Yeah, right!

OK. Hang on, Millie needs me. I'll call you back in a bit.

He'll think I'm an idiot. I haven't even read War And Peace.

-What page did you get to?

-12.

Well, it's full of Russian names!

Well, it is a Russian novel.

Yeah, well, I think they forgot to translate my copy.

And Mum didn't even write me a revision schedule!

Eurgh! Eurgh!

That tastes like one of Craig's old football socks.

It can't! I put everything in.

Where's the sugar?

Mum always ticks things off as she goes along.

I know! And I can hear her saying, "I told you so," from here.

Can we really not go one day without our parents?

I tried getting the bus with the kids...

but they banned me.

Too embarrassing.

It's not just us, then.

No, Craig crosses the street to avoid me when he's with his mates.

Oh...

I hope Jake never does that.

Oh, he will.

One day they can't do without you, and then, pff...

Well, they just...they don't need you.

Oh, come on!

We can enjoy ourselves still without the kids around.

Come on, give me the games console.

-OUT OF TUNE:

-# You crushed my soul

# I'm drowning in despair

# I was in a dream

# Now it's turned into a nightmare... #

HE LAUGHS

It's not meant to be funny.

No, I know but, you know, it's so miserable...

I kind of thought it was funny.

Oh! Well, maybe I should have made it

all about spicy chicken wings instead.

I take back what I said earlier -

you're not sensitive or spiritual.

And your dad's SO much nicer than you!

Cherish!

Cherish! Cherish!

No, no, no, Cherish! Cherish, don't go!

Please don't go, Cherish!

All songwriting teams go through this.

And your chorus - that just rocks!

-OUT OF TUNE:

-# I'm so sad, sad, sad

# Cos life is so bad, bad...

# Bad? #

-MILLIE CLEARS THROAT

-Oh!

Get lost!

No, Cherish, please don't go!

I'll cook you some food.

-Good idea.

-I'm starving.

-Not for you! For Cherish.

You can cook?

Yes, I can.

-Look out! Cliff!

-Ha-ha, hey!

-I'm glad we could cheer you up.

-Yeah.

Wait, what do you mean?

Millie said you were feeling lonely without your kids.

She told us you two needed to get out of the house.

Argh, argh, argh! I hit a tree!

It's your go, Sharon.

-Well, it's more fun here anyway.

-Yeah!

Right, OK.

Here we go...

-Oven preset?

-Check.

Dinner is served! Vegetable stir-fry.

Finally!

Craig, these potatoes are, like, raw!

And is this a banana?

I LOVE a red pepper, though.

Oh, no, those are actually chillies.

Argh! Hot! Hot!

I guess we'll have to wait for Mum and Mike to come home.

We could die of starvation by then.

You're as good a cook as you are judging lyrics.

-Great idea, Craig.

-What?

-Ordering pizza.

I like pizza.

-Woo!

-Boom!

LAUGHTER

Right, OK, we've done golf, tennis, skiing. How about some yoga?

I'll definitely take you at yoga.

I don't think I've got the strength for competitive yoga.

Me neither. How about...karaoke?!

Oh, yes, please!

DOORBELL RINGS

-One skinny-mini with no cheese.

-That's me.

One Cheese-o-rama with stuffed crust.

Pizza is so all about the cheese.

One Monster Mexican, extra cheese, extra ground beef,

extra ham, extra chicken...

-..extra chillies!

-Nice one, bro.

And a margarita...

-Hiya, Cherish. How's it going?

-Hi, Jeff.

-I didn't know you were working.

-It's just a holiday gig.

OK, that is £29.99.

Lay some paper on me.

What?

I don't have any money.

Why were you expecting me to pay?

Because you are the one that ordered it.

Why do you think I got all the extras?

-Lauren?

-I'm broke.

Mum always pays for this kind of stuff with her card.

No, no, no, no, please!

Sorry! No pay, no pizza.

But I'm really starving.

I don't believe it!

Cherish...do you want to come and help me eat all of these?

It'll only go to waste.

Erm...

Sorry, Craig.

Bye!

It's OK.

Maybe another time, yeah? Hey.

I'm guessing no tip either?

-Gone.

-Oh, Craig, you'll see her again.

Huh?

I'm talking about my Monster Mexican.

THUNDER RUMBLES, LAUGHTER

# Dancing Queen

# Feel the beat of the tambourine

# Oh, yeah

# You can dance

# You can jive... #

THUNDER RUMBLES

Oh, look, a thunderstorm!

Maybe we should check up on the kids?

Ah, no, Mike, don't embarrass them.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

# Digging the Dancing Queen! #

Woo!

Our turn now.

Oh, yeah, quick!

# Para bailar La Bamba

# Para bailar La Bamba se necesita... #

I am so hungry! I'm just going to call Mum.

No-one is calling Mum.

We need to prove that we can be independent.

Bread!

-TEETH CRUNCH

-Ow!

Ah! Instant noodles! I win!

Toaster!

-Argh!

-Oh, no, we've blown a fuse!

That's your fault.

You've had the oven on since breakfast time.

No, it's not. It's the fuse box.

Just stop arguing and fix it.

I don't know how. Mum always does it!

And the worst part is, my brownies aren't even done.

Oh, Millie, nobody cares!

CRAIG WHIMPERS

Craig, are you scared of thunder?

No!

OK, a bit.

I'm calling Mum.

PHONE RINGS

MUSIC: Macarena by Los Del Rio

-Have you got it?

-Cross, cross...

# Hey, Macarena! #

Hello, Mum? Can you please answer?

I've called you ten times!

What if something's happened to them?

What if they never come back?

THUNDER RUMBLES VIOLENTLY

PHONE RINGS

# Hey, Macarena #

PHONE RINGS

# Hey, Macarena! #

THUNDER RUMBLES

There's no food in there, Millie - I've checked.

I'm trying to find the fuse box.

You know how to change a fuse?

-No.

-Then what's the point?

MILLIE SIGHS

Well, at least I'm trying to do something.

-What are you doing?

-Reading this.

Now that I've got nothing else to do, it's actually quite good.

-VOICE TREMBLING:

-Oh, food...

-Craig, are you eating something?

-No...

If you've found something, you have to share it!

It's just a stock cube.

No! I found it, didn't I?

-No!

-You greedy...!

PHONE BEEPS

Great, my phone's just died.

PHONE BEEPS, LAUREN GASPS

So has mine.

PHONE BEEPS

Why aren't they here?

Yeah, why are they never around when you really need them?!

Well, it's not as if we REALLY need them.

OK, we're alone in a pitch-black house in the middle of a storm,

but what could actually happen to us?

THEY WHIMPER

So, we could be attacked by burglars, or MUGGERS, or...

Feral dogs packs.

But none of that is going to happen.

We're just scared because...it's dark.

THEY GASP, OBJECTS CLATTER

-What was that?

-I don't know.

The wind?

KNOCKING

Someone's trying to get in! Like in Zombie Apocalypse.

There's no such thing as zombies!

I'm sure there's a torch around here somewhere.

THEY SCREAM

Open the door! We forgot our keys.

-WHIMPERS:

-Oh...

-MILLIE SIGHS

Oh...

-# Hey, Macarena! #

-All right...

-What are you all doing in the dark?

-Everything went bang.

-Has the trip switch gone again?

-I'll get it.

Why didn't you just turn it back on?

We didn't know how.

Why didn't you answer your phones?

Oh, 15 missed calls.

Sorry, mate, we were having such fun.

What, you couldn't answer your phone?

That's so irresponsible!

And now Craig's songwriting career is over before it's even started,

I'm going to fail my exams, and we're all starving!

What, didn't you find the casserole in the freezer?

-What?!

-What?!

Your dad gave me this for you.

-Ha!

-A DVD of War And Peace.

Great, I'm going to go watch it while you guys make dinner.

Let's get the food on, Millie.

Mate, can I have a word with you about Cherish's lyrics.

I thought you loved Cherish's lyrics.

Nah, they're all a bit serious and grim,

but before you criticise, first you must encourage.

Yeah. I found that out the hard way.

OK.

So you told Dad and Amber we wanted to go round.

You wanted to get rid of us?

We just wanted to do stuff without you breathing down our necks.

But it was a disaster.

And I can't even make a tray of brownies on my own.

Well, these look good.

What did you do to them?

I didn't cook them for as long as you do...

sort of by accident.

So you can do it without me.

-OK, but I'm not sure I want to. Not just yet.

-Aw...

So she's actually in love with her cousin,

which makes so much more sense.

Well, I bet it reads way better than the DVD.

-Brownies, everyone?

-Ooh, delicious!

-Thank you.

So, who's ready to hear the new mix for the Chicken Hop Blues?

OK?

SYNTH PLAYS RHYTHM

It's good when parents get to have a little outing on their own,

but it's good when they come back

and you can stop worrying about them.

# You make me feel lower than a pair of rapper's jeans

# If you're peri-peri chicken

# I'm a side of baked beans... #

HE PLAYS ENDING RIFF

Go on, mate!

-CHEERING

-Legend!