Dream Christmas Millie Inbetween


Dream Christmas

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-# Christmas

-The snow's coming down

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-# Christmas

-I'm watchin' it fall... #

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Oh! I was hoping it'd be a monkey.

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Why would there be a monkey in an advent calendar?

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Duh, haven't you heard of Santa's monkey helper?

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Christmas, always a new challenge in my family.

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Lauren and I are staying at Dad's tonight

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before heading off to Mum's tomorrow.

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In between, as usual.

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Right, who wants to put the star on the tree?

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-Me!

-Me!

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How about we let Jake do it?

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Yes!

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-That's not fair.

-Boo-yah!

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I got the star, in your faces!

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Christmas Eve is my favourite part of Christmas.

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It's when my tummy gets all fluttery

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and it feels like even miracles can happen.

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Oh, not again.

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Fran, will you get the scissors?

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Though it's usually just daft stuff like that.

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No, don't touch it.

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-Fran, don't do it.

-Hold still.

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Oh, nothing says Christmas like an action movie.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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And no Millie and Lauren to get in our faces.

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Let the days of unlimited food and telly roll.

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Oh, who was at the door, love?

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You remember my nephew Ollie, don't you?

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I wish I didn't.

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Oh, nice cardigan, Craigy, did it used to be your gran's?

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What is he doing here?

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His family have gone skiing,

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but he's twisted his ankle so he can't go.

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-Poor old Ollie.

-Yeah.

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Really kills.

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-Skateboard injury.

-You need RICE.

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I'd prefer popcorn.

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No! Rest, ice, compression, elevation - RICE.

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We are going to look after Ollie till they get back.

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I don't want to share my Christmas with this annoying little elf!

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He does my brain in.

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Oh, so you do have a brain?

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Sharon, where is the Christmas stash?

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I need to stress-eat.

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No Christmas stash until tomorrow.

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-What?

-What?

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-What?

-We're saving it, for when Lauren and Millie get here.

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-When are they coming?

-I don't know.

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Some time tomorrow.

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But the... The candy canes.

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And the chocolates.

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And the jelly beans.

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-Dad, tell her.

-I've got frozen sprouts.

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But I can't eat those.

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No, for Ollie's ankle.

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Anyway, I'll leave you to get reacquainted.

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If you need me, I'll be icing my Yule log.

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SHOUTING AND GUNSHOTS ON TV

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Mate, if you're hungry, I'll make you some cheese on toast.

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I don't want cheese on toast, cheese on toast isn't Christmassy,

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it's just toast with yellow stuff.

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So you're just going to accept that?

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Oh, and I suppose skater boy here has a better idea, does he?

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Yeah.

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ICE. Infiltrate, capture and eat.

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Jake, you heard me the first time.

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But why do we have to go to bed now?

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We can sleep all January.

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Because Santa's coming with his little monkey helper.

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But mostly because I say so.

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And the sooner we go to sleep, the sooner we can open our presents.

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Oh, right, calming down now, Rudolph.

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Who's more excited, you or us?

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(Definitely him.)

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Right, well, I'm off to pull Santa's sleigh.

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-Goodnight, you three.

-See you on Christmas morning.

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I'm so excited!

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-Night, Dad.

-Night.

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-What's that?

-This?

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Nothing.

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Says, "To Grandma and Grandad."

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It's from the year before Mum and Dad...you know.

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Split up?

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They cancelled their Christmas visit.

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Never came the year after that either.

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It seems like forever since we've even heard from them.

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They do live in America.

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I'm pretty sure they have phones in America.

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And the internet. And pens.

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Even carrier pigeons.

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They travel around.

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It can't be easy to stay in touch.

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Or maybe they just don't care.

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I'm sure that's not true, Millie.

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Hey, it's Christmas,

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we only get one shot at this a year

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and I'm not having you moping and bringing it down.

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Yeah, you're right.

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See you on Christmas morning.

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-Night, Millie. Night, Fran.

-Night.

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Infiltrate, capture and...

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Eat.

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Come on, mate, save some for me.

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Mmm.

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A-ha! You little Christmas creepers.

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It was Craig, Auntie Sharon.

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He put me up to it. He said that he'd steal my crutches

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if I didn't fetch food for him.

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What?! No, I never.

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Wait, Sharon, please don't do that.

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-It's Christmas.

-We are saving these until tomorrow.

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Trust - takes years to build, a second to break.

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I know what you're like.

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Once you start, you just can't stop.

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If I don't do this now,

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there'll be nothing left for the girls.

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See? This is what I'm talking about.

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Even when they're not here, they give you grief.

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I will be keeping hold of the key.

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Go on. Shoo.

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Oh, this is so not fair.

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It is my right to eat Christmas food on Christmas Eve.

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SHE SIGHS

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Wake up. Millie.

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Millie.

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Wake up.

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It's literally snowing on Christmas Day.

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-You're kidding me.

-Mm-mm.

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It never snows at Christmas.

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Come on. There's presents, what are we waiting for?

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How much longer is she going to be?

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Hey, what kept you, sleepy head?

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Yeah, we've been waiting ages.

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-Sorry.

-Actually, we've only been waiting for, like, two minutes,

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but who's counting?

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I am!

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And it's been, like, three.

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Actually, I think I might go have a shower.

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No, no, no!

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Wow, did you decorate the decorations?

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-Is it too much?

-Too much Christmas is just enough.

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-I love it.

-Come on, presents.

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OK, well, let's get started.

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-First up, we have...Tony.

-Aw!

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Socks!

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And they're my favourite colour - tartan.

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OK, next is...Lauren.

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SHE GASPS

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It's a new phone! Yeah!

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IOY. Happy emoji. Thank you.

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Yes. And next we have one for Jake.

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A wormery!

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Father Christmas must have gotten my texts.

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Or his monkey helper.

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Mum, can I go outside and dig up some worms?

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Have you seen it out there? The ground's frozen.

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This is what Christmas is all about.

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Being together with my family.

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Well, most of them, anyway.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Who could be calling on Christmas Day?

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Surprise!

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Mum? Dad?

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Dude! It's totally, like, awesome to see you.

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Well, aren't you going to let us in?

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We're not digging this cold.

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My ponytail's frozen solid.

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Aye... Come in.

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Here, let me...

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You guys came, for Christmas!

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Better late than never.

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-Right, kiddo?

-Look how much you've grown.

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Last time we were here, you only came up to my ankles.

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Mum, Dad, this is Amber.

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Hi, I'm Amber.

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Like Tony just said.

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And you're his parents.

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So, Amber... Any chance of getting my hand back?

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Oh, yes. Sorry.

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And this is Jake and Fran, her...our...

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Well, my stepkids.

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Awesome to meet you guys.

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I've got a wormery.

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Well, that's one way of saying hello.

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And there's my Millie.

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Hi.

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I have already chosen three names from my worms.

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Spaghetti, Noodle and Mr Wiggles.

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Man, I really love this kid. He's blowing my mind.

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LAUGHTER

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It's Christmas and my grandparents are here.

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Yippee, right? So why am I not happier?

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Why do I feel so upset?

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Man, I love your tree.

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It's, like, how much more Christmassy can a tree get?

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Back at home, we decorate a cactus.

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I put a cranberry on every spine.

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With one very startled angel on the top.

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What's the matter with you?

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-I'm fine.

-Yeah, and I'm a reindeer.

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Usually we can't shut you up.

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I can't believe they've not even apologised

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for dropping off the face of the earth.

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Well, cheer up, they're here now.

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Besides, you can't sulk on Christmas, it's the rules.

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Where are they going to sleep?

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We haven't got enough food,

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we haven't even got presents for them.

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They can have one tartan sock each.

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You're going to have to tell them about the baby.

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Aye, I'm waiting for the right moment.

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Millie, why don't you come over here?

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We've got you a present.

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There you go, honey.

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-Thanks.

-Open it.

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We want to see your face.

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Your grandad carved that himself.

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We know how much you love ponies.

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Yeah, maybe when I was little.

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What's got into her?

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I know, we can give them a broken toaster.

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A broken toaster's nothing more than a novelty bread holder.

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Now just relax.

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Relax? This is the first time I've met your parents.

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I mean, what if they don't like me as much as they like Sharon?

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-Don't be silly.

-Well, what if they don't like Fran or Jake?

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Or what if they're allergic to worms?

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Calm down, everything's going to be fine. We've got this.

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You can't give them that.

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Oh, the A-Z Of British Bikes.

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-Motorbike oil.

-HE LAUGHS

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-How did you know?

-We're big bikers.

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Tony must have told me.

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But we only got into road hogs when we moved to Arizona.

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Oh, nothing beats roaring through a canyon, wind in your hair.

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Just us and Mother Nature and a massive motorbike.

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Oh, these are such wonderful gifts.

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What's wrong with everyone?

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All acting like it's so normal that Gran and Grandad rock up

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as if nothing's happened.

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How's the tea coming on, Mills?

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And I can't say anything cos we can't not be happy at Christmas.

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Who wants to see my worms?

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Oh, you bet!

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This is Mr Wiggles.

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No, wait, I think that's Spaghetti.

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No, I think it's Noodle.

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He's the cheeky one.

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Oh, aye, I mean, we visited every single state.

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Apart from Hawaii, that is.

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And now it feels like we've never been away.

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Well, you have.

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Hey, why don't we all take a family photo with my new phone?

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Everyone squeeze together. Millie, sit.

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OK. Here we go.

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Three, two, one...

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-ALL:

-Cheese.

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Oh, that's an awesome pic.

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Now, make sure you e-mail it to us.

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Oh, so you do have e-mail?

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-Millie...

-Oh, well, what do we look like?

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A pair of old hippies who live off the grid?

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Our RV has got satellite broadband.

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So why have you never e-mailed us?

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Or phoned or sent a postcard...?

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Hey, honey, we've been a tad busy, OK?

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Too busy for your own grandkids?

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I bet you'd have more time for us if we were motorbikes or cactuses.

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Technically, that should be cacti.

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Technically, I don't care.

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They've stayed away for years

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and suddenly turn up without even saying sorry.

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Millie, you're the one that needs to say sorry.

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-Right now.

-No.

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They should apologise for not visiting.

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I bet they won't even bother coming when the baby's born.

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You're having a baby?

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You said you'd tell them.

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I never found the right moment.

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It's OK, Dad, don't worry,

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I'm sure they'll be far too busy to visit anyway.

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We should go. Clearly, us being here is bad karma.

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-Well... Tony, do something.

-Mum, Dad, wait.

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Millie!

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Wait, don't leave.

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What, now you want us to stay?

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Millie's made her feelings perfectly clear.

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I just wanted you to stay in touch.

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Don't you know how upset that made me?

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Yeah, well, we have our very own full lives.

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Bikram Yoga on Monday,

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crystal healing workshop on Tuesdays.

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-Bingo on Wednesdays.

-And all of that is more important than us?

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More important than me?

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The past is history, the future is a mystery.

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So let's not get all hung up about it, OK?

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I don't want you to go. I've missed you.

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Sorry to bother you, has anyone seen my monkey?

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SHE GASPS

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-You OK?

-Yeah, just a bad dream.

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Apart from the snow.

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I dreamt that Gran and Grandad came to visit.

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Why is that so bad?

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It was awful. But I think I've figured it out.

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I was only angry because I care.

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I felt forgotten, left behind...

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..and ignored.

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The magic of Christmas.

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I've got a Satsuma and a tonne of sweets.

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Merry Christmas, Lauren.

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Fran, Merry Christmas.

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Merry Christmas, you guys.

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Presents!

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TV SOUNDS

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Can you smell that?

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HE SNIFFS

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That's...

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-ALL:

-Roast turkey!

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Dad, is this Crimbo or The Hunger Games?

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When are Millie and Lauren getting here?

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I'll have a word. I promise I'll come back with something yummy.

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What are the chances?

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-I wouldn't hold your breath.

-OK, we need a plan B.

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-You block the toilet.

-How's that going to get us fed?

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Oh, it's a distraction, you dummy.

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You go and block the toilet, call your dad and Auntie Sharon.

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Then, while they're busy unblocking it,

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I swoop into the kitchen,

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get the food and meet in your room in ten.

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Right. Got it.

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Wait, how are you going to swoop with your dodgy leg?

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Oh...

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-I was faking it.

-I knew it!

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Impressive. For a annoying dork.

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I hate skiing. I'd much rather stay here and stuff my face

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than keep planting it in the snow.

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Maybe we're not so different.

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Result. Garibaldi biscuits and some smelly cheese.

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Time for plan B.

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And this one is for Jake.

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Yes! A wormery.

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That's just like in my dream.

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-LAUREN:

-No way.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Who could be calling on Christmas Day?

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Well, don't ask me, I don't know anything.

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Why don't you go and find out?

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Mum, Dad?

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-Hello, son.

-We've missed you.

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Gran, Grandad!

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-My wee Millie!

-Oh, it's great to see you.

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No way!

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Sharon, Dad, come quick.

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It's overflowing, the toilet! Help, it's gone everywhere!

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Ugh! What's he done now?

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HE SNIFFS

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Christmas is go!

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I still don't understand how you managed to flush

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both your trainers down there.

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It all just happened so fast.

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I mean, one minute, they're on my feet, and the next...

0:18:390:18:42

I've got to go. Laters.

0:18:420:18:43

Admit it, I'm goals.

0:18:480:18:51

Yeah, whatevs.

0:18:510:18:53

Say it. Say I'm goals, or I'll eat it all.

0:18:540:18:57

All right, you're goals.

0:18:570:18:59

No, you're goals.

0:19:000:19:02

Oh, stop it.

0:19:020:19:03

-THEY SNAP

-Hey!

0:19:060:19:09

Dig in.

0:19:120:19:13

Mmm...

0:19:140:19:15

I can't believe that you pulled this off.

0:19:180:19:21

It wasn't easy, but I thought

0:19:210:19:22

it was about time your argument came to an end.

0:19:220:19:24

-What argument?

-It was our fault. We were well over the line, son.

0:19:240:19:27

It was my fault.

0:19:270:19:29

Oh, face it, Leaf.

0:19:290:19:30

We all said things we regretted.

0:19:300:19:32

Did you just call him Leaf?

0:19:320:19:34

Well, it's his name.

0:19:340:19:35

My name's Tony.

0:19:350:19:36

Tony is a nickname that you made up at school.

0:19:360:19:39

His real name is Leaf.

0:19:390:19:41

No idea why you wanted to use it.

0:19:410:19:43

-Maybe he wanted to turn over a new...

-Stop it.

0:19:430:19:46

Anyway, before your mum and dad...

0:19:470:19:49

-Before they, erm...

-Split up.

0:19:490:19:52

Aye.

0:19:520:19:53

We...

0:19:540:19:56

We had a kind of argument.

0:19:560:19:58

You see, we thought they should have stayed together for you girls.

0:19:580:20:02

And things were said and...

0:20:020:20:04

-Well...

-We thought it was best to keep our distance,

0:20:040:20:07

so that's why we moved to the States.

0:20:070:20:09

But we see now how wrong we were.

0:20:090:20:13

And how lucky you are to have Amber.

0:20:130:20:15

And they get two Christmases and two birthdays.

0:20:160:20:19

Who wouldn't want that?

0:20:190:20:21

Well, I should have been more mature.

0:20:210:20:23

Parents can be idiots sometimes.

0:20:230:20:26

Too right, Leaf.

0:20:260:20:28

Don't push it.

0:20:280:20:29

Sharon, the girls are going to be a while.

0:20:340:20:36

Couldn't we have a little something?

0:20:360:20:38

Not that it makes any difference to me, but these are growing lads.

0:20:380:20:41

I suppose you're right.

0:20:420:20:44

It's not fair to keep you from your lunch, so...

0:20:440:20:47

we can all have a little bit.

0:20:470:20:50

What?!

0:20:550:20:56

Seriously?

0:21:000:21:01

There had better be a good explanation for this.

0:21:020:21:04

Maybe a fox got through the cat flap.

0:21:040:21:06

We don't have a cat flap.

0:21:070:21:09

Or got in down the chimney.

0:21:090:21:12

Could have been Father Foxmas.

0:21:120:21:13

You've eaten the Christmas dinner, haven't you?

0:21:130:21:15

And you didn't save me any.

0:21:150:21:17

It was Craig, Auntie Sharon, you know what he's like.

0:21:170:21:20

Seriously, are you going to keep doing that?

0:21:200:21:22

OK. OK, it's...

0:21:220:21:25

It's because of my bad leg.

0:21:250:21:26

The girls will have had a really nice time at their dad's.

0:21:280:21:32

Now they're coming here for turkey bones.

0:21:320:21:34

Sharon, I am so, so sorry.

0:21:340:21:36

I'm sorry, Auntie Sharon.

0:21:360:21:38

And I'm famished.

0:21:380:21:39

Not that that is the point.

0:21:390:21:42

Look...

0:21:420:21:44

Look... I reckon there's still enough leftovers for me to knock up

0:21:440:21:47

something pretty delish.

0:21:470:21:48

Do you have the slightest idea what you're doing?

0:21:480:21:51

You're looking at the school's Junior Mega Chef semifinalist,

0:21:510:21:53

two terms running.

0:21:530:21:55

Look, you two go and put your feet up,

0:21:550:21:57

me and Granny's Cardie can handle it.

0:21:570:21:59

Well, this had better be good.

0:21:590:22:01

Honestly...

0:22:010:22:03

-HE LAUGHS

-What?

0:22:050:22:07

And, Jake, this is for you.

0:22:110:22:14

A little bird told us you might be getting a wormery.

0:22:210:22:23

So we got you a wormery carrying case.

0:22:230:22:27

Great! Now I can take them for walks.

0:22:270:22:29

And, Millie, Lauren, we've got some cool things for you, too.

0:22:310:22:35

Did you mug Father Christmas on the way here?

0:22:380:22:41

No, these are all the presents we've been saving up

0:22:420:22:45

every year since we saw you last.

0:22:450:22:47

You still got us presents?

0:22:470:22:49

Even though you didn't see us?

0:22:490:22:51

Of course.

0:22:510:22:52

Hang on a sec.

0:22:520:22:53

Oh, where's she off to?

0:22:540:22:56

Yes!

0:23:010:23:02

This is for you. I made it the last time

0:23:050:23:07

we thought you were coming for Christmas.

0:23:070:23:09

It's me and Lauren. Lauren's the one that looks like a pineapple.

0:23:160:23:19

And she's the one that looks like a pixie.

0:23:190:23:23

Oh, it's perfect.

0:23:230:23:24

Oh!

0:23:240:23:26

Oh, thank you.

0:23:260:23:28

Right, who's for charades?

0:23:310:23:33

Yeah. In the dark.

0:23:330:23:35

THEY LAUGH

0:23:350:23:38

Ta-da!

0:23:450:23:47

-Wow.

-You made that from leftovers?

0:23:500:23:53

Yeah, and a few bits from the freezer.

0:23:530:23:55

So it's a turkey meatloaf with a chocolate and cranberry jus

0:23:550:23:59

and a pan-fried medallion of sprouts.

0:23:590:24:01

And carrots.

0:24:010:24:02

I mean...

0:24:040:24:06

hand-sliced, water-boiled carrots.

0:24:060:24:09

Do you know, Ollie, I've been watching you

0:24:090:24:11

hop round the kitchen cooking,

0:24:110:24:13

and I haven't noticed you limping once.

0:24:130:24:15

-Er...

-It's a Christmas miracle!

0:24:150:24:19

-Yeah.

-Hi, we're home.

0:24:190:24:22

Oh, Merry Christmas, girls.

0:24:220:24:23

-Merry Christmas, everyone.

-Merry Christmas.

0:24:230:24:25

Ollie, didn't know you were coming.

0:24:250:24:27

You're just in time for the gourmet feast.

0:24:270:24:29

Thanks, but maybe later.

0:24:290:24:31

I could not eat another thing right now.

0:24:310:24:33

Don't worry, guys, I shall get stuck in.

0:24:330:24:37

Mmm!

0:24:370:24:39

The tartness of the cranberries perfectly offsets

0:24:390:24:43

the sweetness of the chocolate,

0:24:430:24:45

creating taste layers that make my mouth sing.

0:24:450:24:49

Say what?

0:24:490:24:50

It means it's delicious.

0:24:500:24:54

Maybe I could try a little bit.

0:24:540:24:56

So that's another red letter day in my crazy two-housed family.

0:24:580:25:03

Not only is it Christmas, but we found out

0:25:030:25:05

that Dad's real name is Leaf,

0:25:050:25:07

like we'll ever let him forget that.

0:25:070:25:09

And most importantly,

0:25:090:25:10

it's the day that Lauren and I got our grandparents back.

0:25:100:25:13

And that's kind of the best present ever.

0:25:130:25:15

Merry Christmas, everyone!

0:25:150:25:17

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