Lauren Deleted Millie Inbetween


Lauren Deleted

Comedy drama series. Lauren's social media usage is dangerously out of hand. With Millie's help she deletes herself, but craves what she's missing.


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Transcript


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Pizza for breakfast? Classy.

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Oh, I thought it was toast.

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She's obsessed with her phone.

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A bit like you with your hair.

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-I might see Siobhan.

-Not if she sees you first.

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So, Lauren posted this.

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Now, don't get me wrong, I do love a bit of online banter.

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Like when Fran aced her maths test, I sent her this.

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I know. Edgy, right?

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But I sent it to her, not my entire group chat.

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And all of this is keeping Lauren up at night.

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And me too.

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That's your new profile picture. So deluded.

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Kittens.

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Not like me back? Blocking you.

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Joining chat. Oh, kittens.

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Lauren. It's one in the morning.

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They're all still up.

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I'm not going to be the loser that goes to sleep first.

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Honestly, she's out of control.

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Kittens! I love kittens!

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I found her this morning, facedown in the laptop.

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Then, she's straight back at it.

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Morning, Millie. Wakey, wakey.

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You look ridiculous.

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Take me to your leader.

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That's some serious bedhead, Millie.

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Lauren, that's private!

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Privacy is so over.

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If you can't stand the heat, don't sit on the cooker.

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Plus, I do it to all my friends. It's not just you.

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My pizza or your face?

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LOL. Who should I send it to?

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Oh, I know. Amy.

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Who ordered 20 pairs of suede boots and a mermaid tail blanket?

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Was it Mike? It wasn't me.

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I don't believe it.

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It was me, but I don't even remember.

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You've been sleep shopping.

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The courier might take them back if you're quick enough.

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Queen Siobhan is here early.

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Excuse me, ladies.

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He's playing with fire.

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One word from her and he could be socially vaporised.

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Hey, don't you think sleep ordering 20 pairs of boots

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-might be a wake-up call?

-It's fine.

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I've sent them all back, except the mermaid blanket.

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Declan wants it, which is a worry.

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Mr Yates has a bone to pick with Lauren.

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Why? What did she do?

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She put a one-star review of him on Rate My Teacher.

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Do you not remember that either?

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Lauren, now you're sleep reviewing.

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Seriously, delete your account.

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Stop hating on me.

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I'm the normal one here. Now, leave me alone.

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I need to create some fake accounts so I can like my own posts.

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He's good. Friend of yours?

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I know him, but he does ballet and I do street.

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Are they not both kinds of dance?

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Yeah, but they're worlds apart.

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It's like saying cornflakes and...

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-Branflakes?

-No, chicken dippers.

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Hi, Leo. How's it going?

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Oh, hi?

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Tracy. You settling in OK?

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If anyone messes with you, you let us know.

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Will do. Thanks.

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I think she's taking a shine to him.

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Wouldn't want to be in his shoes.

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Oi, you! Look what you've done!

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-Let go of me!

-Chillax, Tracy.

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It's just an accident.

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Sure, Leo. Just an accident.

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I just saw Amy, the one that I sent the edgy message to.

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My pizza or your face.

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-That Amy.

-And she was mad at you?

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You crossed the line? Hurt her feelings maybe?

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No, she's fine, because I didn't send it to her,

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I sent it to Siobhan.

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-Not the Queen.

-My finger must have just slipped.

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Well, she might think it's funny.

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If she had a sense of humour.

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One message to all of her followers

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and I'm going to be as popular as nits.

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OK, so my only hope is that she's not seen it yet,

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so I'm going to go over there, faint into her bag,

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grab her phone and then flush it.

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What could go wrong with that?

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Oh, I know. I'm just going to delete myself.

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Won't work, but why tell her?

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At least I'll get some sleep.

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OK, done.

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So now I don't exist any more,

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and now she can't possibly get the message.

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This isn't going to work, is it?

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Not if you've already sent it, no.

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It's like a horror movie.

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It's like I'm killing myself from beyond the grave.

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Well, stop panicking. She hasn't read your message yet.

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See?

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She's checking now. Help me.

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OK, but if I do, you have to promise to stay deleted.

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No, that is way too radical.

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You wouldn't even do that.

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Well, I'm not seconds away from a life-changing event.

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Do we have a deal?

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OK, deal, just please help me.

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OK, go and distract her.

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-Hi, Millie.

-Hi.

-Hey, Loz. Look.

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-You messaged me.

-Stop.

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-What?

-I mean, um, hi, Siobhan, isn't it great that you're so popular?

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Wish I knew your secret, so that I could bottle it,

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then I'd sell the bottles, then I'd be rich.

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Shut up. Are you trying to make me feel better?

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Because of my spot?

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No. What spot?

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You're sweet, but awful, isn't it?

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My face is like a pizza.

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I bet it's getting worse.

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Siobhan, are you going to be going to the cafe later?

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Bet you'll need to book a really big table for all of your friends.

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Oh, your message.

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Hi! Can I have your autograph?

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I really look up to you.

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What hair products do you use?

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-How's it going?

-Not good.

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-What's her password?

-How should I know?

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-Guess.

-Um, Miss Perfect?

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-Princess Popular?

-What do you think you're doing?

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I caught her. Hope she didn't put anything on your phone

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pretending it's from one of your friends.

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I know this looks bad, but we...

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-You.

-We were just...

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-Virus!

-Yes.

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Lauren has a virus.

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Yes. It made me do crazy things.

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No, a phone virus that wrecked your phone.

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Yeah, she sent you an infected message.

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-What?

-It's fine as long as you delete it without opening it.

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Yeah, otherwise, your phone will be fried.

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OK, there it is.

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Deleted.

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Why didn't you just tell me, though?

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I was just so embarrassed.

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Oh, poor you.

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Soz about your phone.

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Oh, just one of those things.

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Yes!

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OK, we have a deal, remember?

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-I don't know, though.

-Look what nearly happened.

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Yeah, you're right, it's my decision and no-one else's,

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so I'm just going to post it.

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-Why?

-Just to see what everyone else thinks.

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It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks.

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You're doing this for you.

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I know, it's confusing.

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I'll help.

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Good.

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Do not give that back to me, even if I ask for it.

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This is perfect.

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Especially since it was me

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who sent that message to Siobhan instead of Amy.

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-The courier might take them back if you're quick enough.

-OK.

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There. That's payback for my bedhead video.

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I know, I know, I shouldn't have, but I had to do something.

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Anyway, it's all worked out great.

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Lauren's deleted and I am the hero.

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Oi, you, beanpole, do you have anything to say to me?

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You're in my way?

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-About this.

-It was an accident.

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Watch it. It's not as if you're cute and you have lovely blue eyes,

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-you know.

-Yeah, not like Leo.

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-Who mentioned Leo?

-Sorry.

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Watch you don't slip down any grates, Twiglet.

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Yeah, mind yourself, lanky.

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Oi. Watch this.

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Can't do that, can you?

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So you watch it, because you do not want to make me angry.

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All right, then, breadstick.

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All right, we all need to take it easy.

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-Oh.

-Sorry, mate. You were in the way.

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What is this stuff?

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-Orange squash.

-It was an accident.

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Thanks, mate.

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MUSIC PLAYS

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So, I deleted myself.

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-Fireworks emoji.

-Deleted?

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-That sounds painful.

-My social media accounts.

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I feel so free.

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You should try it, Leo.

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No, thanks. I'm happy here in the 21st century.

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No, they've scored.

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My friends are going to be blown away.

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In the forest, a mighty tree hath fallen.

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Mum, this tastes amazing. What did you put in it?

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Nothing special. Same recipe as always.

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Only this time, you're not necking it down while you check your chats.

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KNOCK AT THE DOOR

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Please, can I use your washing machine and your shower?

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-I'm deeply sticky.

-Of course, Jake. Come in.

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I tried to wash it out but...

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-What happened?

-Long story.

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We just didn't want to give Franma more to worry about.

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-Franma?

-I did not just say Franma.

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Fran's grandma.

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-It's a thing.

-It's not a thing.

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How long has that been there?

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For about three years.

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It's like she's waking up from a long sleep.

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Real snuggly, isn't it?

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Who's your big hunky merman, eh?

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Do you know, I should change my name to Fin.

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Has this show always been so slow?

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Yeah, but you're not watching it how it's meant to be watched.

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-How's that?

-From behind another screen.

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Oh, message.

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-Might be from you.

-Declan!

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I'm deleted.

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I know.

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Miss you. #proudofyou.

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No hash tag. No hash tag.

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It's great.

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So much time to think.

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And we can have deep chats.

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Well, say something.

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Um, so what's it like being completely out of the loop?

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I don't miss it.

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It's like being in the '80s and I love the '80s.

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Back combed hair, legwarmers.

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So, do you think in the '80s, mermaids wore tail warmers?

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See? That is the kind of interesting thing

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we don't normally get to talk about.

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BEEPING NOISE

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Someone's phone. I'm just going to go bring it to them.

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I think this door might be stuck.

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Oh, is it just the washing machine?

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Yeah. How do you open it again?

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How would Lauren know?

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Burn.

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You just need the magic touch.

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-Grab the clothes horse.

-Why'd they dump juice on you?

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It was a mistake. They were after Malcolm, but I got in the way.

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That was your mistake.

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Don't tangle with them.

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And tell Malcolm to stay away too.

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-One dancer to another.

-I told you, he does ballet and I do street.

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It's like he's a hamster and I'm a...

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-Gerbil?

-No, a giraffe.

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Whatever. If anyone can fix this, you can.

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Why do they give us so much homework?

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Right, what's next? I've done that.

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And that. And that.

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Maybe you've done it all?

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No way. I never have time to finish.

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Hmm.

0:13:430:13:45

-What?

-First time for everything.

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PHONE PINGS

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-Your phone just pinged.

-I'll read it later on.

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-Or tomorrow.

-How can you?

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Are you even human?

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Ha! I knew it.

0:13:580:14:00

A phone does other things than social media, Lauren.

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Look. I just took a picture.

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Of the ceiling. Fascinating.

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Beep. Oh!

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Beep.

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Beep.

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Don't judge me. I got Declan to write me out some messages.

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Beep.

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Kittens!

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Psst! Over here.

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Get down. You need to keep a low profile.

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I'm not afraid, you know.

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Look, my sister said, "Better a live coward than a dead hero."

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You have to stand up to bullies.

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You are not tough enough.

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Ballet dancers are well tough.

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Not like that.

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If you front up to them, they'll mush you.

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It's their code.

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Yep. I guess you're right.

0:15:110:15:13

OK, then. Check this out.

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It's Tracy's audition for the Lion King.

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# Let it go! Let it go! #

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Oh, man, where'd you get that? It's priceless.

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And it'll be all round school by tomorrow.

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Yeah. What?

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Like you say, she's too hard to take on, in real life.

0:15:300:15:34

-No, that's not what I meant.

-So I'll do it online.

0:15:340:15:36

Thanks, Jake.

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MUSIC PLAYS

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Nice one, Leila.

0:15:460:15:47

What is that?

0:15:490:15:50

Do you like it? It's my likes board.

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I've got 28 likes.

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Can't you just, like, like yourself?

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I do like myself.

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12 of these are from me.

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Kaitlin. Bing!

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You've got mail.

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She's losing it, and last night was rough.

0:16:070:16:10

Lauren?

0:16:150:16:16

Yep, she took a sleep selfie.

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Kicking myself I didn't film it.

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See you later.

0:16:330:16:34

Lauren, a likes board?

0:16:350:16:37

Do you not see how tragic that is?

0:16:370:16:39

OK, I admit it.

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-I need friends.

-Who doesn't?

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Just not 300 fake ones.

0:16:420:16:44

I need it communicate like Siobhan needs to swish her hair.

0:16:440:16:46

But you need to do stuff first, so you have something to communicate.

0:16:470:16:52

-I do do stuff.

-Like what?

0:16:520:16:54

-Netball.

-You gave it up.

0:16:540:16:55

-Photography.

-Selfies don't count.

0:16:550:16:58

-Shopping.

-You do it all online.

0:16:580:17:00

Are you saying that I've made myself a nonperson?

0:17:060:17:09

You're not a nonperson.

0:17:090:17:11

You just don't need people to keep telling you how great you are.

0:17:110:17:14

Oh, thanks.

0:17:140:17:16

And while you're here, will you like me?

0:17:160:17:18

# Let it go! Let it go! #

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Wow, I think she invented some new notes.

0:17:510:17:53

Yeah, it's true.

0:17:530:17:55

But now Malcolm's going to send it round the whole school

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so everyone sees her big fail.

0:17:580:17:59

That's not right. You know why.

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Because they'll find out and kill him?

0:18:020:18:04

No, because it's really mean.

0:18:040:18:07

I know, but what can I do?

0:18:070:18:09

Talk to him.

0:18:090:18:11

But he does ballet and I do...

0:18:110:18:12

Stop it! Look, if he sends it, it's partly on you.

0:18:120:18:16

How is this on me?

0:18:160:18:17

-You didn't stop them.

-The kid's unstoppable.

0:18:170:18:19

Look, all I know is that she's really trying here.

0:18:210:18:25

And that's not something to shame her for.

0:18:250:18:28

Ah! You freak!

0:18:400:18:41

What are you doing? Give that back!

0:18:410:18:42

Don't give me it, even if I ask for it!

0:18:420:18:44

I'm not asking, I'm telling!

0:18:440:18:46

-But we had a deal!

-You're not the boss of me!

0:18:460:18:49

OK, I give up.

0:18:500:18:52

It was only a matter of time until you cracked.

0:18:520:18:54

And you clearly have the willpower of a dog with a bag of mince, so here.

0:18:540:18:59

Thank you.

0:18:590:19:00

Now go ahead and post all your selfies for all your friends to like.

0:19:000:19:04

I know you can't help yourself.

0:19:040:19:06

A phone does other things apart from social media, Millie.

0:19:060:19:10

I just took a photo.

0:19:100:19:11

-See?

-That's pretty good.

0:19:130:19:16

Of course it is. But I'm not finished yet.

0:19:160:19:18

-Doesn't he do street?

-I know, but he's OK.

0:19:220:19:26

-Look, Malcolm...

-I'm going to send that clip out now.

0:19:280:19:30

Wait. If you do, doesn't that kind of make you the bully?

0:19:300:19:34

What do they teach you in street dance?

0:19:340:19:36

Mate, she's tougher than me.

0:19:360:19:37

You don't have to be tough to be a cyber bully.

0:19:370:19:39

-That's not fair.

-Or a cyber coward.

0:19:390:19:41

I'm not a coward.

0:19:410:19:42

OK, fine.

0:19:450:19:46

-I won't send it.

-You're doing the right thing.

0:19:460:19:49

So if I can't fight back online, I have to face her, face-to-face.

0:19:490:19:53

No, wait, you can't.

0:19:540:19:56

This is real-life, not ballet.

0:19:560:19:58

-You might get hurt.

-You got a better idea?

0:19:580:20:00

Yeah. Didn't think so.

0:20:010:20:03

Lauren, these are great.

0:20:070:20:09

Thanks. Who knew that there was so much to see in the park?

0:20:090:20:12

Yeah, parks are amazing.

0:20:120:20:14

They're like a mini countryside or huge garden.

0:20:140:20:18

We should go hiking in the hills sometime.

0:20:180:20:20

No. Because I like taking photos of people, not sheep.

0:20:200:20:24

I really, really want to share these.

0:20:240:20:26

There. I'm undeleted.

0:20:270:20:29

Are you sure that's the best idea?

0:20:290:20:31

Whilst there are sharks in the sea, the wise man does not rent a pedalo.

0:20:310:20:36

Yeah, I'm sure.

0:20:360:20:37

Now watch the messages pour in.

0:20:370:20:39

Oh, it's just a message from that courier service

0:20:390:20:42

about my cancelled shoe delivery.

0:20:420:20:44

You all right?

0:20:450:20:47

Mike, what time did I tell the courier to cancel this order?

0:20:470:20:50

-8:16.

-And what time did I send this message?

0:20:500:20:54

-8:16.

-So how could I have been in two places at once?

0:20:540:20:58

Interesting question.

0:20:580:21:00

The ancient Chinese have a theory that...

0:21:000:21:03

Millie! I'm going to kill her!

0:21:030:21:07

OK, so this message says that I was in the hall

0:21:070:21:10

cancelling my shoe delivery at 8:16.

0:21:100:21:12

But that's also supposedly when I was in the kitchen sending Siobhan

0:21:120:21:16

the pizza message, which is impossible.

0:21:160:21:18

-So what's the answer?

-Is it Professor Plum was in the library

0:21:180:21:23

with a candlestick?

0:21:230:21:25

I didn't send that message.

0:21:250:21:27

You did.

0:21:270:21:28

Lauren, I mean, you do have some imagination, but honestly.

0:21:280:21:33

I knew it! Come back here!

0:21:330:21:35

-Come back here!

-No!

0:21:350:21:36

I knew that you sent that message!

0:21:360:21:38

Come back here!

0:21:380:21:39

I could've been sent to social Siberia because of you!

0:21:390:21:42

I'm sorry, not sorry!

0:21:420:21:43

You sent out that bedhead video of me!

0:21:430:21:46

My laptop! Put it down so I can kill you.

0:21:460:21:49

No, look.

0:21:490:21:50

Lauren, these are really good,

0:21:530:21:55

and I'm not just saying that to save my skin.

0:21:550:21:57

Now, would you have taken these if you weren't deleted?

0:21:570:22:00

Well, maybe not, but...

0:22:000:22:02

But this is your thing.

0:22:020:22:04

You should post some of these online.

0:22:040:22:06

I bet you'd get loads of likes.

0:22:060:22:08

I'm not that shallow.

0:22:080:22:11

And this does not get you off the hook.

0:22:110:22:13

Who's for the cafe? It's two-for-one day.

0:22:140:22:17

And it's all kicking off.

0:22:170:22:18

All right, Malcolm, look.

0:22:350:22:36

-We don't want to string this out.

-Dee-dee.

-Sorry.

0:22:360:22:39

We want to settle this.

0:22:390:22:41

Yeah?

0:22:410:22:42

We'd like to apologise for calling you beanpole.

0:22:440:22:48

-And lanky.

-And Twiglet.

0:22:480:22:50

Anyway, it was a bit of a stretch.

0:22:500:22:52

-Tracy.

-Sorry.

0:22:520:22:54

That's more like it.

0:22:540:22:55

Come on, ballet boy. This is supposed to be a duet.

0:22:570:22:59

I hope the stain came out of your top. Fancy a tea?

0:23:020:23:05

Yeah. Two sugars, ta.

0:23:070:23:09

Oh, and a skinny latte.

0:23:090:23:10

-Dee-dee.

-Sorry.

0:23:100:23:12

A hot chocolate.

0:23:120:23:13

Wow. So she's actually human.

0:23:170:23:20

She did audition for the Lion King.

0:23:200:23:22

Yeah, to play Scar.

0:23:220:23:23

-How was that, Leo?

-Yeah, that was spot-on, Tracy.

0:23:250:23:27

Thanks. I owe you one.

0:23:270:23:28

-No, but you're sweet.

-Right back at ya.

0:23:280:23:31

So, did you get Leo to ask Tracy to do that?

0:23:330:23:37

Yep. She'll do anything for him.

0:23:370:23:40

-What he did he get from you?

-Dance lessons.

0:23:400:23:44

-What?

-To help with his footy skills.

0:23:440:23:46

I told him that Marcus Rashford has tap dance classes

0:23:460:23:49

that he never misses.

0:23:490:23:51

I've got to hand it to you.

0:23:540:23:55

Now she can't stop taking pictures, which is great,

0:23:590:24:03

because she's found her thing,

0:24:030:24:05

but she wants me to do a shoot as a mermaid.

0:24:050:24:08

Not going to happen.

0:24:080:24:09

Look. There's Siobhan.

0:24:110:24:12

I hope she never finds out what that message said,

0:24:120:24:15

and who really sent it.

0:24:150:24:16

You wouldn't. Not after I helped you.

0:24:160:24:19

Out of the mess you made for me?

0:24:190:24:20

So, I'm thinking, watery light, seaweed in the hair, and shells.

0:24:200:24:26

-No!

-Oh, Siobhan!

0:24:260:24:28

OK, OK.

0:24:280:24:30

-I'll do it.

-Oh, good.

0:24:300:24:32

So, what do you think of Glasgow?

0:25:000:25:02

It's great, you know.

0:25:020:25:05

PICTURE SMASHES

0:25:050:25:07

LAUGHTER

0:25:070:25:10

This is terrible.

0:25:100:25:12

Slate one, take one.

0:25:120:25:14

One. Jump!

0:25:150:25:17

LAUGHTER

0:25:200:25:24

FUNNY SQUIRTING NOISE

0:25:250:25:28

Come back, Craig, and all is forgiven.

0:25:310:25:33

On the other hand, it's like he's...

0:25:330:25:36

..never even left.

0:25:380:25:39

I said that I wanted to just hang out and chill,

0:25:410:25:43

and then he gives me this.

0:25:430:25:45

An I-tinerary.

0:25:460:25:48

How?

0:25:480:25:50

An itinerary.

0:25:500:25:51

Look we don't want to give them...

0:25:510:25:52

538, take three.

0:25:560:25:58

Don't forget Ri Rinn's catchphrase,

0:25:580:26:00

Se-gar-na-ta-may-ni!

0:26:000:26:01

LAUGHTER

0:26:010:26:06

An itinerary?

0:26:080:26:09

How is anyone...? No, sorry.

0:26:090:26:11

An itinerary.

0:26:110:26:12

Now is not the time.

0:26:120:26:14

-Name?

-It's Jake.

0:26:140:26:16

Oh, sorry. Sorry.

0:26:160:26:17

It's Jake.

0:26:180:26:19

Fear not.

0:26:230:26:24

LAUGHTER

0:26:240:26:26

What?

0:26:260:26:27

Pretty smooth, though.

0:26:270:26:28

-An itiner...

-Itinerary.

-Yeah. An itin...

0:26:300:26:33

An itinerary. Yeah, right.

0:26:330:26:36

An itinerary.

0:26:370:26:39

How would Lauren know?

0:26:410:26:42

Burn.

0:26:420:26:44

Ah!

0:26:440:26:46

MUSIC PLAYS

0:26:460:26:50

Lauren's social media usage is dangerously out of hand. With Millie's help she deletes herself, but craves what she's missing, until she finds photography. Jake tries to help another dancer.


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