Millie Makes Peace Millie Inbetween

I'm training Leo. You'd think for someone named after a lion he'd

understand the law of the jungle?

Not really.

Actually, I was waiting, so...

Leo, where's your killer instinct?

-I'm a guest here.

-Well, you've got to stop thinking like that

or you're going to start smelling.

What? That is not happening.

Then fight.

Oh, no, you don't! It's my turn!

Sorry, Sharon.

Except you do not want to mess with the lioness.

HE HUMS

How did you manage to use four towels for one shower?

Easy. Body, face, left side of hair, right side of hair.

That is bonkers. And why can't you just hang them up afterwards?

Cos then my hands would get wet and I'd have to use another towel.

Argh!

It's only four towels, we've got plenty more in the cupboard.

See? Even Mr and Mrs Lion like to do some play fighting.

At least I hope it's play fighting.

Oi, leave some for me.

Sure you've got enough?

Big sister, bigger bowl of cereal.

Look what I found on the doorstep.

Morning all. And how's my princess?

How does she look that good eating cereal?

Call the cereal police, we've been robbed.

You know what it is? I think they're making that box smaller.

Worry not, my love, you can share mine.

All good things come to those who wait.

It's a quinlette. An omelette made with quinoa.

I'm not that keen.

I think I'll just have some toast.

Sorry, Sharon. We're out of bread.

But I offer you mine.

No, must be a new loaf around here somewhere,

cos Mike did a shop last night.

I thought it was your turn. Not that I'm counting,

but I did the last five.

Well, not that I'm counting, but you do finish work at three.

Yeah, and then there's marking and lesson plans and teachery stuff.

This is ridiculous. How can we be out of food?

-There's quinoa.

-Like I said...

And this place is constantly a tip.

Does no-one do the washing up any more?

Or take the bin out?

I'll do it.

Why did you just yank it like that?

Why do you buy the cheap bin bags?

Because they're cheap.

-And now I'm late for work.

-Me, too.

No, clean that up first.

It's fine, Mike, Millie will do it.

Thanks, Millie.

Wow. That went from nought to furious in about 2.3 seconds.

That's not normal for Mum and Mike.

They're Love Islanders.

It was a really big argument, and it just felt weird

and wrong and smelly.

-Smelly?

-Bin juice.

-Eugh.

Don't worry, it's just a phase they're going through.

My mum and your dad went through a phase where they bickered nonstop.

Right before they split up.

-But they got back together.

-Well, my mum and dad didn't,

and this feels more like that.

Mike and Sharon won't split up, they just joined up.

You need to keep love alive.

-What about a chores rota?

-How romantic.

-It might make your mum less cross.

-But it'll make me more cross.

Chores are deeply annoying.

And you can use an online shopping app.

Why go to the store when you can get roughly what you ordered

-delivered to your door?

-Great idea.

Cheers, Fran.

Millie. Would you tell Fran that we need to be home by 4:30pm today?

She's right here, why not tell her yourself?

Because I'm not talking to her.

-Why not?

-I upset him somehow, but he won't tell me how.

Says I should be able to work it out for myself.

And can you?

No, cos I'm not Psychic Fran!

So until he tells me, I'm not talking to him either.

Well, this all sounds very mature.

So, tell her we need to be home by 4:30pm.

Jake says you need to be home by 4:30pm.

Tell Jake, fine, and that he's a rubbish little brother.

Fran says fine and that you're a...

No, this is ridiculous!

I am not going to be your argument assistant.

Wait! Millie!

I need to say something rude Fran.

Millie, wait!

Oh, not another school field trip.

No, I made a chores rota for me, Lauren and Leo.

Seriously?

Yeah. I thought it would help.

What, and Lauren and Leo are OK with it?

Erm...

Yeah, deffo.

Declan's got a tough mission.

Aww! And you did all the washing up?

So I've got my first gold star.

OK, bye.

Wow, it's clean in here.

Aunt Gloria's not coming, is she?

No. No, Lauren, Leo and Millie have organised a chores rota.

-Really?

-And I thought you could use this for the shopping.

Why spend hours trudging round a store...

When you could spend hours tapping on your phone?

Great, makes shopping like a game.

Take that, bananas! Got you, milk!

Hey hey, kale, bonus!

Just download the app, love, and, FYI, kale is never a bonus.

Whose turn is it for the bin?

-BOTH:

-Yours.

-Mine?

Who made this chart?

So, looks like Mr and Mrs Lion are back to purring.

I'm good.

Bin juice!

Eugh.

Grandma...

..could you ask Fran to pass the ketchup, please?

Are you two still not talking?

I mean, who's going to be big enough to end this?

Oh, OK, I see, then I won't hear anything either of you say.

You can't do that.

Are there any more chips?

Fran, that's not fair!

Did you just talk to her?

No, definitely not.

But you must have heard me.

Heard what?

GRANDMA SNORTS

-Well, that's just rude.

-Yeah, grow up, Grandma.

Children! So childish.

You put us on a chores list.

Are we literally living in a prison camp now?

I've got a rash from hoovering.

Look.

Maybe it's some jam.

Yes, it's jam, but I'm still not happy about doing so many chores.

Thanks for my jam rash, Millie.

Well, maybe I should have asked first, but I had to do something.

Why? Because we were all so happy?

No, to stop Mum and Mike from arguing.

That was not arguing, that was romantic bickering,

so they can have the fun of making up.

Do you and Declan bicker?

No, only because he does everything that I tell him to.

Oh, such a lucky boy.

I just thought we should do something to help out.

It'll keep things calm between them both.

Also, if you help out you get a gold star.

Really? Well, I'm a big girl now and I don't care.

Oh, well I've got two already, so...

What? You do not get more gold stars than me.

OK then, I'm off to go meet Declan now, do I get a gold star for that?

Only if you think going to meet him is a chore.

-Funny.

-Oh, and when you see him, can you tell him

to eat less breakfast or more quinoa?

Bye!

Cos I'm now a row stopping machine,

I'm going to sort another one.

Hey, Millie. Aren't you supposed to be at your French club?

Oui, but this won't take long.

What won't?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Look, I understand,

you both went out on a limb and now your pride is making you pig-headed,

while the rest of the world laughs at you.

That's why you need someone sensitive to help.

-Fran, I want you to imagine you're Jake.

-Eugh.

What do you think he's thinking?

"Oh, isn't it great, I get all this attention

"for being a massive pain."

OK, thanks for that.

Jake, I want you to say why Fran upset you.

If you won't say it, can you at least write it down?

"I'm upset because Fran smells and is the worst sister."

Jake, this is not helpful.

-I hate you.

-Well, I hate you, too.

Well, at least they're talking.

So I get them all doing push-ups and then the whole class go to the head

-and complain about child cruelty.

-Aw, poor you.

Oh, hey, Millie.

You're a bit late, aren't you?

I just got back from French club.

Oh, sorry, Mills, I forgot to pick you up.

Oh, Mike, how could you?

-You usually remind me.

-Oh, so it's my fault? Sorry, Millie.

It's OK, you actually did me a favour.

I had to walk. Much healthier.

Anyway, Tony used to do it.

Yes, well, Tony's in Spain. So you need to step up, Mike,

and take a bit more responsibility for the girls.

Then you should take more responsibility for Leo.

So French club was fun. Guess what we did?

I do take responsibility for Leo, and he's not even your son.

A first cousin once removed is practically a son.

Anyway, the only responsibility you take is telling him off.

Yeah, well, someone needs to set some boundaries around here

or else it'd be like The Hunger Games.

And no, before you say it, that would not be cool.

Yeah, I wasn't going to say that.

Although, we could shoot our tea with flaming arrows.

Oh, you let them get away with anything as long as they like you.

That is not true, there was this one time...

That time when Mike caught us watching TV

when we should have been doing our homework.

What did mean old Mike do?

He watched it with us.

Yeah, and we got pizza, that was a cracking night.

Typical! Sometimes being a parent means being firm.

And sometimes being firm means being mean,

which is what you're being right now.

DOORBELL RINGS

-BOTH:

-Oh, it's my first online grocery shop...

Two lots of shopping!

Great. Well, at least I didn't order any kale.

Right, it's OK, because I got double!

Well, on the plus side,

at least we won't run out of any of those in a hurry,

even if Declan the cereal hoover comes over every morning.

And where are we going to put all this stuff?

Don't worry, I'll find room for it.

And if I can't, I'll store things in my tummy.

Starting with these biscuits!

Hi, Mum, what do you want for breakfast?

Maybe some cereal.

Here you go, Mum.

Actually, no, I think I might fancy some toast.

Hey pres-toast!

Oh, nice one. Thank you, Millie.

No way, cereal boy.

Have you noticed they're making the bowls a lot smaller?

That's not fair.

It is not easy being the peacekeeper around here.

-Hey, Mills, you all right?

-Yeah.

I'm just tired from trying to stop Mum and Mike arguing.

I almost feel like giving up.

Good idea, stop interfering.

What? I'm not interfering.

Right, like you're not interfering with me and Jake.

I think you'll find I'm helping you be sensible.

So Jake and I are talking again?

No, but that's because you're being silly.

Maybe. Unfortunately, he's my brother, and this is our argument,

and you should just butt out and let us get on with it.

Some people just don't know when they're being helped!

I was helping, wasn't I?

You know that you've gone too far with all this

stop the arguing stuff, and it's not that bad anyway,

and everyone hates you.

Well, I can live with that if it makes Mum and Mike happy again.

-Oh, they are happy!

-They can't be!

Happy people don't argue!

Normal people argue, like we're doing.

-It doesn't mean that I hate you.

-You just said that you did.

I was exaggerating.

I just don't like you.

I'm joking. Mum and Dad argued before they split up.

That was different.

Is it? They were happy, then the bickering started, then the arguing,

then it got louder and more pointless

until they finally split up.

And now the exact same thing is happening.

You're being seriously paranoid.

Well, it doesn't mean that I'm wrong.

Now move out of the way! I've got to do this before Mum

gets annoyed with four towels Mike again.

Did you just do a face plant into Leo's pants?

SHE LAUGHS, MILLIE GROANS

So, we're just going to sit here.

No tea, no television, no computer games,

no laptops, No, I-anythings,

no e-whatsits, no nothing, until you two start talking again.

Or until the mountain crumbles into the sea.

Whichever comes first.

-BOTH:

-Fine.

SHE SIGHS

OK, don't freak out, but I just saw Mum in her bedroom,

-she's packing a bag.

-What, seriously?

Oh, no, like she's planning on leaving?

-Shh! Calm down.

-I am calm!

Get a grip, OK?!

We just need to check on her and make sure she's not doing

anything like before, when she and Dad split up.

Like throwing out his bath toy collection.

Yeah, that sort of thing.

Right, it's bedtime.

Well, if nothing else, I have to admire your sheer stubbornness.

You may even be more stubborn than your mum,

and that's saying something.

And I'll see you both back here tomorrow,

for Round Two.

She's making boiled eggs.

Exactly, just like before her and Dad split up.

-Did she?

-Yeah.

Well, I'm pretty sure.

But that skirt, that's different.

Is it a splitting up skirt, do you think?

Well, it has got a split in it.

Morning, love.

Would she do that if she was really going to leave him?

Yeah, so he doesn't get suspicious.

Of course.

This is so bad.

What are you two on about?

We're worried that Mum and Mike are going to split up.

-Oh, right.

-What? Is that all you've got to say?

Well, they're clearly not. Anyway, what can we do about it?

Is Mike doing anything weird like when him and Craig's mum split up?

How would I know? I wasn't there.

Although Craig did say before they split up, Mike cried a lot.

MIKE HUMS A TUNE

Are there tears behind that smile, do you think?

-What are you lot whispering about?

-The girls were saying...

-Nothing!

Have some more toast, Leo!

And here we go again.

Eyes down for a full house.

CLOCK TICKS

MUSIC: Shout Out To My Ex by Little Mix

She's gone, you can stop miming now.

Oh, yeah, but did you see what she was looking at?

I know, a flight booking website.

It all fits! She's going to leave Mike and go to Spain or something.

What are we going to do?

This is not a good idea.

Better than yours.

Gluing her to the sofa would have definitely stopped her from leaving!

And so will hiding this.

Oh, I know the perfect place.

Not in here, Mum knows all our secret hiding places.

Even inside my hollow picture frame?

First place that she'd look.

-Now you tell me.

-Downstairs!

What about under the sofa cushions?

Seriously? Mum flumps them up so often you may as well hand it

to her and say, "Have a nice flight."

I know!

We can hide it in here.

Hide what?

-Nothing!

-Cos I am a brilliant hider.

Once I hid Craig's Christmas presents so he couldn't

open them early and I did such a good job, that five years later on,

I still couldn't find them!

THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY

It was a bit of a rubbish Christmas, though.

Yeah, thanks, but we're OK.

No, seriously, what you hiding?

Hang on, is that a passport? Why are you hiding a passport?

-You're not running away, are you?

-It's not, and we're not.

No, no, seriously, you can't mess around with things like passports.

Come on, hand it over.

Millie, come on, give it to me, please.

Leo!

My beautiful barley and tofu broth!

Sharon's beautiful passport.

At least she can't use it now.

I am so cross.

No more Mr Nice Guy, I'm going to punish you.

Come on, Mike, Leo didn't even mean it.

No, I mean you two.

-BOTH:

-Really?

-Yeah, sometimes to be a proper parent,

you have to be mean... I mean, firm.

So I'm confiscating your tablets for two weeks.

That is not fair.

-Mike!

-Well, that is what's happening,

so both of you go to your room.

Please.

Yes.

I did it. I was a mean parent.

And it's horrid.

I'm starving, and I miss my screens.

OK, I'm angry with Fran because she FaceTimed Mum when I was out,

so I didn't get to speak to her.

-Can I have some food now?

-Seriously?

All this time and that was it?!

I can't believe you didn't twig that that would upset me.

You got her news first.

Fran, you get back here now, we're not done yet.

-Oh, not again.

-No, not again.

PHONE RINGS

-Hi, love, how's it going?

-I'm fine, but I didn't call to talk to you.

Oh.

-Right.

-I called to let Jake talk to you.

You can tell him the news.

Hi, Mum, it's good to talk, and use a computer...

..and eat.

SHE LAUGHS

Unlike you to enjoy eating while using a computer.

Lauren's furious with me, and Leo.

Only cos I said he was rubbish at catching.

And Fran? PHONE RINGS

That's her. I bet she's only calling just to tell me off.

-Hi, Fran.

-Newsflash!

Jake's talking to me again.

Great. What was it?

Oh, I just FaceTimed Mum without him.

It just got blown up into something massive.

By clamming up about it?

Yeah. And since we're unclamming, I decided I should call you.

I'm sorry I interfered.

I guess I thought I was the fight busting champ,

but I made things worse.

No, you didn't. It was a good try and we needed to talk,

so Grandma tortured us till we did.

Cool. So we all good?

All good. Now, excuse me, I have a little brother to go tickle.

I leave you alone for a couple of hours and I come back to find you've

-upset the entire house!

-You know what I mean.

That's Mum and Mike having their biggest argument yet,

and I've given up trying to stop them.

If they split up, they split up.

Even when they've done something really bad?

Well, even if they did, you went way over the top

with their punishment. They need those tablets for their schoolwork.

But they ruined your passport.

Look, and my lovely broth.

Frankly, anything you put in that broth would be an improvement.

Not a government document.

Look, you told me to take responsibility, so I did.

-I was firm!

-You were mean.

I can't win.

You know what I mean.

Sometimes I don't think you care about my feelings these days.

-Of course I care.

-What do you call kids that have been

through two divorces?

-Millie and Lauren?

-I'll have to live with Uncle Mike by myself.

That would be weird, especially as he'll be crying all the time.

Hang on.

It's gone quiet.

-ALL:

-Eww!

Does this mean you're not dumping Mike?

Who? My cuddly lion?

-ALL:

-Eww!

What on earth gave you that idea?

Well, all the arguing.

And the bag that you secretly packed.

And the flight that you secretly booked.

I only knew about the arguing.

Get out of that one, Sharon!

Oh, you're quite cheeky for a guest.

Can't win. The bag, that was stuffed to be taken to the charity shop.

Hey, you're not throwing out my bum bag.

Oh, anything to stop another argument.

Look, right, it's true, we have been arguing a bit more than usual.

But then Mike's been a bit more wrong than usual.

I'm sorry if it scared you.

Scared me. I hate all that arguing.

But it is a part of life.

And as the wise man says, the storm always passes,

but it waters the grasses.

Don't even go there.

Sometimes you have to get things out and not let them

fester inside.

That was a very loud defestering.

But what about the flight that you secretly booked?

Not a flight.

Flights - plural.

For the trip we're taking to London for half term!

No way!

Sweet, Mum, thanks.

Wow, cool! You're the best mum.

Unlike the tablet snatcher.

-Aww, jokes.

-Is it me or is it takeaway time?

Already on the way. It's been so emotional, no-one was actually

going to cook any tea.

Hey, Leo, you're learning.

So, I think I get this.

With Fran and Jake, it was good to get involved,

but with Mum and Mike I needed to back off.

I don't get this.

Anyway, it's good to talk, but try not to shout!

# And it's called black magic! #

My mum would be appalled if she seen me do this.

It's Fran and Millie.

-It is us.

-It's Fran and Millie.

-Fire Lawrence? I mean, do...

-DOOR SLAMS

Sorry, just look...

I don't know why.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm practising my plate spinning.

Not with your...

SHE STUMBLES OVER HER WORDS

Hey, Ollie, what happened?

Would you believe!

Fidget spinjury... Sorry.

-Action.

-I can't believe he made me do it all on my own.

-SHE HICCUPS

-After the tenth time, you were...

I'm so sorry, I thought they stopped.

Fran won't let me.

You had the whole conversation in your head then, didn't you?