Episode 9 Ministry Of Curious Stuff


Episode 9

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Transcript


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1:09:501:09:57

TELEPHONE RINGS

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Here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff,

1:10:061:10:08

we seek to answer any question you may ask.

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No question is too ridiculous.

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On call - our highly curious researchers, Lovett,

1:10:141:10:18

Wannamaker, Frazernagle, Tea Party, and of course, Captain Lengthwidth.

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The ministry is a thinking facility that helps us to find you an answer.

1:10:241:10:30

-TANNOY:

-The working day will commence in 10 seconds.

1:10:311:10:35

Don't be late.

1:10:361:10:38

Attention. Mr Reeves is entering the building.

1:10:451:10:48

Welcome to the Ministry of Curious Stuff!

1:10:501:10:53

Good morning!

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-Hello, Mr Reeves.

-Good morning, Mr Reeves.

1:10:561:10:59

Good morning, Mr Reeves.

1:10:591:11:01

-Mr Reeves.

-Yes!

-Come here. I've got an idea for Britain's Got Talent.

1:11:011:11:05

-Excellent, what?

-Watch this.

1:11:051:11:08

BIRD CHIRRUPS

1:11:101:11:12

-What's that? Where's that coming from? Is that you?

-Yes!

1:11:121:11:16

-I'm making the noise with my mouth.

-It's incredible.

-Yes.

-Do it again.

1:11:161:11:21

BIRD CHIRRUPS

1:11:211:11:23

-Wonderful.

-It's easy, you have a go.

-OK.

1:11:231:11:27

HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

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Not quite as good as you, but not far off.

1:11:311:11:33

CHIRRUPING

1:11:331:11:35

It's beautiful! It's wonderful.

1:11:351:11:39

-Hey, wait, hang on a minute.

-No, no, no! No! No!

1:11:391:11:43

You're just a fake. Just a bird-whistling fraud.

1:11:481:11:52

And I hate you.

1:11:521:11:53

That does seem like a bit of an over-reaction.

1:11:551:11:58

Yeah, I'm really sorry.

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I didn't really mean it.

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Come on, these questions won't answer themselves.

1:12:021:12:05

-Frazernagle, who's on the lines?

-I've got a caller on line four.

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-I'll put you through!

-Excellent.

1:12:091:12:12

TELEPHONE RINGS

1:12:121:12:13

Hello, this is Vic Reeves here, at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.

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How may I be of assistance?

1:12:181:12:19

Hi, this is Jack.

1:12:191:12:20

My question is, who has the biggest tongue?

1:12:201:12:24

Thank you, Jack.

1:12:241:12:26

Very good question. Good day!

1:12:261:12:29

Jack wants to know who's got the biggest tongue. A very good question.

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Lengthwidth, what do you know about big tongues?

1:12:341:12:37

Well, I've got a regular size tongue, I think.

1:12:371:12:41

-Shall we check it?

-You can if you like.

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Let's have a look. Stick it out, kid.

1:12:431:12:46

Yeah. That's good. Quite firm.

1:12:461:12:48

STRETCHING, TEARING

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Aaargh!!!

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I'm so sorry.

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Right, settle down, everyone. Big tongues, what have we got?

1:12:591:13:03

Did you know, Mr Reeves,

1:13:101:13:11

there are some amazing tongues in the animal kingdom?

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Some animal tongues are well amazing.

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A giraffe uses its tongue to clean inside its ears.

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My car keys, I was looking for them!

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A giant anteater's tongue is two feet long.

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And a woodpecker's is so long,

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the only place it can store its tongue is wrapped around its brain.

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But, warning, never have them all in the same room at the same time.

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-It can get a bit messy.

-Aaargh!

1:13:441:13:46

Call an ambulance!

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So, a giraffe can clean its own ears with its tongue - incredible.

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But I can do that as well. I can clean my own ears with my tongue.

1:13:581:14:01

-I can do that too.

-No, you can't.

-Yes, I can.

-No, you can't.

1:14:011:14:04

-Well, go on, then.

-I will.

1:14:041:14:06

Aaah! Get off.

1:14:071:14:09

-What-what-what?

-You fool.

1:14:091:14:11

-But I liked it.

-I know.

1:14:111:14:13

So, lots of animals with big tongues,

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but one of them surely has got the biggest tongue.

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Actually, it's none of them. The blue whale has the biggest tongue.

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It's big enough for 50 people to stand on.

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Like a bus!

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But not a bus, a tongue!

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Amazing!

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And curious!

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Brace yourselves!

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Stations, everyone!

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Well, hello, my good friend, Andrew Baxter, the blue whale.

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Oh, stop it, Vic, you're tickling me!

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-Hello, Vic.

-Hello, Andrew. What's all this I hear

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about you being able to put 50 people on your tongue?

1:15:051:15:09

Yeah, that's right, Vic. Last week I had four football teams

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and Dermot O'Leary all having a party on my tongue.

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Having a party! Ha ha!

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Hang on a minute. By my calculations, that's 45!

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-You're five people too short.

-Oh, yeah, but that's because...

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-Because what?

-All right,

1:15:261:15:28

Take That were there too, including Robbie.

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Take That?

1:15:321:15:34

Yes, they were dancing too close to my larynx, and I swallowed them.

1:15:341:15:39

No! You swallowed the popular music act Take That?

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Yes, I did. Have a listen.

1:15:411:15:44

# Today this could be

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# The greatest day of our lives... #

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BELCH!

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Who'd have thought it? Popular music act Take That

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finish their days inside a blue whale. Ha-ha-ha!

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Oh, no, stop it! Oh, Vic!

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So, Mr Frazernagle, summarise!

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Right, well, to answer Jack's question, a blue whale has

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the biggest tongue, weighing in at a massive 2.7 metric tonnes.

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2.7 metric tonnes! Incredible!

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Right, Miss Tea Towel, get that information off pronto. Thank you.

1:16:231:16:29

-Party.

-Not tonight!

1:16:291:16:31

LOUDSPEAKER SYSTEM RINGS

1:16:331:16:34

'Attention! Flying postal services entering the ministry.

1:16:341:16:39

'Please have your post prepared for the postal personnel on arrival.

1:16:391:16:44

'Postal person descending. Postal person descending.

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'Please stand back.

1:16:511:16:53

'Postal service reaching its destination in three...two...one.'

1:16:531:16:58

"RULE BRITANNIA" PLAYS

1:17:001:17:02

'Postal services departing. Stand clear.

1:17:051:17:08

'Post will be delivered

1:17:081:17:11

'in approximately 2 minutes and 32 seconds.

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'Thank you for using Flying Postal Services.'

1:17:181:17:22

Goodbye, sweet avian messenger

1:17:221:17:26

Right, next question, please.

1:17:261:17:28

-Of course, sir, I have a caller on line one.

-Thank you.

1:17:281:17:31

PHONE RINGS

1:17:311:17:33

Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.

1:17:331:17:38

Who may I avail myself to?

1:17:381:17:40

Hi, this is Maya. I'm just wondering why don't girls grow beards?

1:17:401:17:46

Thank you, Maya, thank you very much indeed. Goodbye.

1:17:461:17:50

Maya wants to know, why don't girls grow beards?

1:17:501:17:54

-ALL:

-Ooooh!

-Yes.

1:17:541:17:56

-Captain Lengthwidth.

-Yes?

1:17:561:17:58

What do you think about beards?

1:17:581:18:01

-Ah, yes, great big hairy things, aren't they?

-Yes.

1:18:011:18:04

Hairy things. Come up behind you and give you a big hug.

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-No, no, no! Not BEARS. What do you think of beards.

-Beards?

1:18:091:18:13

-LIVERPUDLIAN ACCENT:

-Oh, right.

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I like looking out the window in the morning,

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and staring at them mucking about in the bird bath.

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LIVERPUDLIAN ACCENT: I'm not talking about BIRDS!

1:18:221:18:24

-What you talking about, then?

-BEARDS!

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Beards, beards, beards!

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Oh, beards. Oh, no. Horrible. Horrible things.

1:18:291:18:35

All right, team, what have we got?

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Beard, moustaches, goatees, sideburns and ladies.

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What do we know?

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Mr Reeves, as you probably know, facial hair is my area of expertise.

1:18:491:18:54

Now, there is a Beard and Moustache World Championship.

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FANFARE SOUNDS

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Seven types of moustaches are accepted in the competition.

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They're called the Natural, the English, the Hungarian,

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the Dali, the Imperial, the Fu Manchu and the Freestyle.

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The question is, do they let ladies in?

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Unfortunately not, Mr Reeves. It's men only.

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Well, that won't help us answer Maya's question.

1:19:171:19:20

What else do we know about facial hair?

1:19:201:19:23

The Indian police force offered pay increases

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to offices with moustaches.

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In 2004, police in Northern India started to pay an extra 30 rupees -

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that's 40p a month - to any police officer who grew a moustache.

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The Madhya Pradesh State Police said research showed

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that police with moustaches were taken more seriously.

1:19:451:19:50

-Oh!

-Boo!

-Rubbish copper!

1:19:501:19:54

Oh!

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However, the shape and style of police moustaches

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would be monitored to ensure they did not start to look too mean.

1:20:001:20:04

Good!

1:20:041:20:06

Good!

1:20:061:20:08

Good!

1:20:081:20:11

No, no, no! This makes you look like a very naughty boy.

1:20:111:20:14

Start again!

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Ow!

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Well, that just goes to show if you want to get ahead, get a tache!

1:20:191:20:23

Not always, Mr Reeves.

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Curiously, if you lived in Russia in 1698 and had a beard,

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you'd have had to pay beard tax.

1:20:301:20:32

A tax on beards? In Russia? I've never heard of anything so ludicrous.

1:20:321:20:37

Me, neither, but it's true. It was introduced by Peter the Great.

1:20:371:20:42

Was it? Well, maybe I should have a word with this "Percy the Fantastic".

1:20:421:20:47

-Peter the Great.

-That's what I said.

1:20:471:20:49

Mr Reeves, guess who's coming through C12?

1:20:491:20:53

'Russian leader loading in C12.'

1:20:541:20:57

-Ah! Peter the Super!

-Great.

1:20:571:21:01

No problem. Now, tell me about this beard tax.

1:21:011:21:04

Well, people with beards are so square, it's like "get a life".

1:21:041:21:08

I want my Russian people

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to be like trendy Europeans - cool and clean shaven.

1:21:101:21:13

If you want a beard, you have to pay the price.

1:21:131:21:16

Take a look at this bozo. He looks like a big, bearded Russian nerd.

1:21:161:21:21

I won't have it. Not on my watch.

1:21:211:21:23

If you want a beard this size, you must pay...

1:21:231:21:26

-50 roubles.

-I cannot afford that!

1:21:281:21:31

That is not my problem, my friend.

1:21:311:21:33

Well, I tell you what, stay there. I might be able to help you out, mate.

1:21:331:21:38

Stay there. I'll be with you in a minute.

1:21:381:21:41

FOOTSTEPS GOING UPSTAIRS

1:21:411:21:44

-Excuse me, Miss Wanamaker. Hello, what's your first name?

-Wanda.

1:21:471:21:53

Wanda Wanamaker.

1:21:531:21:55

Right. Hello, son!

1:21:551:21:58

-Hello.

-Hang on a minute.

1:21:581:22:00

Here, how's that?

1:22:021:22:04

20 roubles.

1:22:041:22:06

-Is that any good for you?

-I literally have no money.

1:22:061:22:09

OK, wait a minute.

1:22:091:22:12

What about that?

1:22:121:22:15

-10 roubles.

-Any good?

1:22:151:22:18

-I don't even know what money looks like.

-Right. Wait a minute.

1:22:181:22:22

Ow!

1:22:251:22:27

How about that, then, Peter the Satisfactory?

1:22:271:22:31

You win this time, Mr Victor Reeves, but if you set foot

1:22:311:22:33

in Mother Russia with one strand of stubble on your bulbous chin,

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I will come down on you like a sack of satsumas.

1:22:371:22:40

And that is hard, my friend.

1:22:401:22:42

I didn't think he was that great, did you?

1:22:511:22:54

It's terrible they should tax anyone just for owning a bird.

1:22:541:22:58

How many more times, we're not talking about birds,

1:22:581:23:01

we're talking about BEARDS. Not birds, beards on your chin.

1:23:011:23:04

-Oh! Beards!

-You're a nightmare, you.

1:23:041:23:08

-I know, I'm really hard work.

-I know, you dozy twerp!

1:23:081:23:12

Right, what we want to know is, why don't girls grow beards?

1:23:121:23:15

I think I've found it, Mr Reeves. Some women actually can grow beards.

1:23:151:23:20

Lots of amazing bearded ladies performed in circuses

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during the 19th century.

1:23:241:23:26

She's right, Mr Reeves.

1:23:261:23:28

The most famous of these women is Annie Jones.

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She joined the circus when she was a baby.

1:23:311:23:34

By the age of five, she had a moustache and sideburns,

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and became very well known as the Bearded Girl.

1:23:381:23:40

And then as a grown-up,

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Annie became America's favourite bearded lady.

1:23:421:23:46

Yes!

1:23:461:23:47

She's waiting for you in G1, Mr Reeves. Down there.

1:23:471:23:50

'Bearded lady loading in G1.'

1:23:521:23:55

Well, hello. Are you who I think you are?

1:23:571:24:01

Well, of course I'm who you think I am.

1:24:011:24:03

Annie Jones, America's favourite Bearded Lady. You're beautiful.

1:24:031:24:08

Mr Reeves, it's interesting that you should think she's beautiful,

1:24:081:24:13

because there is actually an Italian phrase,

1:24:131:24:16

"Donna barbuta, sempre biacuta",

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which means "everyone loves a woman with a beard".

1:24:191:24:23

What a coincidence, because that's the title of my new hit single.

1:24:231:24:28

MUSIC STARTS

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# Oh, pretty baby, my bearded lady

1:24:331:24:37

# The hairs on your chin drive me crazy

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# Don't even think I'd replace that lovely bush on your face

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# And it's growing longer each da-a-a-a-y!

1:24:441:24:49

# Oh, pretty baby, my bearded lady

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# Your whiskers are covered in gravy

1:24:531:24:56

# Porridge, ice cream and bits of margarine

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# And I love you more each da-a-a-a-y, hey!

1:25:001:25:05

# Bearded lady

1:25:051:25:07

# My bearded lady

1:25:081:25:11

# My bearded la-hey-deeeee! #

1:25:121:25:17

LOUD, SLOPPY KISSING

1:25:211:25:24

-You're a man.

-Pardon me, what was that? I was momentarily distracted.

1:25:241:25:28

Yeah, I said, you're a man.

1:25:281:25:31

Yeah, I'm a man! What of it?

1:25:311:25:33

-Yeah! I knew you was a man!

-Did you? What gave it away? The whiskers?

1:25:331:25:37

Something like that. Where's the real Annie Jones?

1:25:371:25:40

-She couldn't make it.

-Why?

1:25:401:25:42

-She had to go to hospital.

-What for?

1:25:421:25:44

-She cut herself.

-How?

-Shaving.

-I was so looking forward to meeting her.

1:25:441:25:48

-Get outta here!

-My pleasure.

-Yeah!

1:25:481:25:52

Get outta here, Mr WhoeverYou-Are.

1:25:521:25:56

Hey, I quite liked the look of that bird.

1:25:561:25:59

You can't call a woman a bird! It wasn't a woman, it was a bloke.

1:25:591:26:03

I am not talking about that, I'm talking about the hair on her face.

1:26:031:26:06

-You like the beard?

-Yeah, I like the beard.

-That's all right, then.

-OK.

1:26:061:26:12

So there you are, some ladies can grow beards, although it's very rare,

1:26:121:26:16

and if you do see one, give them a tickle under the chin for good luck.

1:26:161:26:21

Get that information off to Maya, please, Miss Tea Potty.

1:26:211:26:24

-Party.

-Party.

1:26:241:26:26

'Flying Postal Service has arrived.

1:26:291:26:32

'Post prepared for postal personnel.

1:26:341:26:38

'Thank you for using Flying Postal Services,

1:26:381:26:42

'your number one aerial courier.'

1:26:421:26:43

Goodbye.

1:26:451:26:46

Goodbye.

1:26:461:26:48

I'm going to the canteen. Anyone want anything?

1:26:481:26:51

-You want anything? No? Right. No.

-Oh, yes, yes!

-You do?

1:26:511:26:55

-What do you want?

-Nothing.

1:26:551:26:58

-Oh, hello, Mr Reeves!

-Hello, Mrs Dollop.

1:27:001:27:03

-It's Mrs De Lope!

-Dul...lope?

1:27:031:27:06

-Get it right.

-So, what curious cuisine have you got for me today?

1:27:061:27:11

-Something lovely here for you. This is Casu marzu.

-Casu marzu.

1:27:111:27:15

It's from Sardinia. It's a lovely cheese.

1:27:151:27:18

-Yeah? Phowarrr!

-Go on, try some.

1:27:181:27:21

-Do I have to?

-Yes! Try it!

-Yeah, all right.

1:27:211:27:25

Naaaah! Nuu-uu-uum! Urrrrgh!

1:27:251:27:28

-It's disgusting!

-Looks like you're enjoying it.

-It's disgusting!

1:27:281:27:33

Quiet! It's a lovely soft cheese and it's got hundreds and hundreds

1:27:331:27:38

of little maggots in it, crawling all the way through. It's delicious.

1:27:381:27:42

-It's horrible!

-Are you dissing my cheese?

-Yeah!

1:27:421:27:45

-Well, you know what you can do, don't you?

-What?

1:27:451:27:48

Get out...of MY...CANTEEN!

1:27:481:27:52

-I'll leave it.

-Get out!

-Casu marzu?

1:27:521:27:54

More like khazi poo-poo!

1:27:541:27:57

Out!

1:27:571:27:58

Ah, lovely.

1:28:001:28:02

Excellent, everybody.

1:28:021:28:04

Right, now, we've had tongues and beards.

1:28:041:28:08

How are the switchboards doing, Mr Frazernagle?

1:28:081:28:11

Buzzing, Mr Reeves. I've got a caller on line three

1:28:111:28:15

who's been on hold for ages. I'll put you through.

1:28:151:28:18

TELEPHONE RINGS

1:28:181:28:20

Hello, this is Vic Reeves here at the Ministry of Curious Stuff.

1:28:201:28:25

-How may I help you?

-Hi, my name is Masood.

1:28:251:28:28

I want to know, could an animal win the X Factor?

1:28:281:28:31

Thank you very much, Masood. Goodbye.

1:28:311:28:35

Well, Masood wants to know, could an animal win the X Factor?

1:28:361:28:39

Do you know, as far as I'm concerned, they already have.

1:28:391:28:44

We've had Lion-a Lewis! Ha, ha, ha!!!

1:28:441:28:47

-Alexandra Bird!

-Ha, ha!

1:28:471:28:50

Cat Cardle!

1:28:501:28:53

Ha, ha, ha!

1:28:531:28:56

All X Factor winners, and all animals. Ha, ha, ha!

1:28:561:29:00

I'm detecting codswallop, Mr Reeves, and you know it.

1:29:001:29:04

An animal has never won the X Factor.

1:29:041:29:08

Really? I never knew that, to be honest. I didn't.

1:29:081:29:11

Right, come on, team, what have we got on musical animals?

1:29:111:29:14

Here's a curious fact.

1:29:211:29:23

Dolphins can sing at a pitch higher than Mariah Carey.

1:29:231:29:26

Really?

1:29:261:29:28

Incoming in E11, Mr Reeves.

1:29:281:29:30

'Singing Dolphin loading in E11.'

1:29:311:29:34

DOLPHIN SQUEAKS

1:29:361:29:39

That's beautiful. But, tell me, how comes you can sing so high?

1:29:451:29:51

-SPEAKS IN VERY LOW VOICE:

-I dunno, kid.

1:29:511:29:53

It just comes naturally to me.

1:29:531:29:56

Well, that's all well and good,

1:29:561:29:59

but what else have we got on singing animals?

1:29:591:30:03

Sticking with sea mammals, whales can sing the loudest.

1:30:031:30:06

I'm not surprised, judging by the size of their tongue!

1:30:061:30:10

Indeed, Mr Reeves, a whale's song is 188 decibels,

1:30:101:30:14

that's louder than a jumbo jet.

1:30:141:30:16

It can be heard from over 500 miles away,

1:30:161:30:18

so it wouldn't need a microphone.

1:30:181:30:21

Well, that's incredible!

1:30:211:30:24

And curious!

1:30:241:30:26

Brace yourselves.

1:30:271:30:29

-Hello, my old friend, Andrew Baxter.

-Hello, Vic.

1:30:391:30:43

They tell me when you're not balancing 50 people on your tongue,

1:30:431:30:47

you're singing really loudly.

1:30:471:30:50

# Yes, it's completely true! I always sing so loud! #

1:30:501:30:54

Oh, blimey, that was loud. And if you don't mind me saying, a bit flat.

1:30:541:30:59

-Thanks very much.

-That was you and not Gary Barlow, wasn't it?

1:30:591:31:02

-It was Gary Barlow, actually.

-I thought you might say that.

1:31:021:31:06

Well, loud is one thing,

1:31:071:31:09

but we need an animal with the skills to impress Louie Spence.

1:31:091:31:12

You mean Louis Walsh?

1:31:121:31:14

Louis Armstrong, first man on the Moon. Who cares?

1:31:141:31:16

Well, how about this, Mr Reeves?

1:31:161:31:19

Lyre birds are amazing mimics - who know copying sounds and that -

1:31:191:31:24

they can recreate almost any sound they hear.

1:31:241:31:27

For example chainsaws, car engines, fire alarms and camera shutters.

1:31:271:31:31

Amazing! I'd like to meet one of these incredible creatures.

1:31:311:31:35

Lyre bird coming through, Mr Reeves. Beaky beast in H4, down there.

1:31:351:31:40

'Bird impressionist loaded in H4.'

1:31:401:31:43

Ooh! There it is! Ooh, it fluttered by!

1:31:431:31:46

ELEPHANT CALL, CAT'S MIAOW AND PUMP NOISE!

1:31:461:31:49

-That's rubbish, I could do better than that, can't I?

-Oh, shut up.

1:31:491:31:53

-Do you want to hear me?

-Go on, then, Mr Reeves.

1:31:531:31:56

I can do impressions better than the lyre bird. Anything you want.

1:31:561:32:01

I'm going to do the impressions, OK?

1:32:011:32:04

Starting off with a bell.

1:32:041:32:06

BELL RINGS

1:32:081:32:10

-Pretty good, eh?

-Oh, amazing, Mr Reeves. And what else can you do?

1:32:111:32:16

A car horn. (The car horn.)

1:32:161:32:19

CAR HORN TOOTS

1:32:191:32:21

What about that? And I take requests.

1:32:211:32:24

-Right, well, how about a bus?

-A bus.

1:32:261:32:29

What do I do?

1:32:291:32:31

OK, a bus!

1:32:311:32:34

BUS BELL RINGS

1:32:341:32:37

NOISE OF BUS PULLING AWAY

1:32:371:32:39

-How did you do that?

-I don't know.

1:32:411:32:43

You see? I'm incredible.

1:32:431:32:45

You're amazing, Mr Reeves!

1:32:451:32:48

Thank you, Wanda.

1:32:481:32:51

So, there we are. Any more facts on musical animals?

1:32:511:32:54

Yes, over here!

1:32:541:32:56

The famous composer Mozart had a pet starling which he loved.

1:32:561:33:01

It had a big impact on his life and on his music.

1:33:011:33:05

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, composer, musician, wearer of wigs

1:33:061:33:13

and...bird lover?

1:33:131:33:15

Mozart had a pet starling and found it quite an inspiration,

1:33:151:33:19

particularly when it learnt to sing

1:33:191:33:22

his catchily named Piano Concerto No 17 in C minor FF.

1:33:221:33:27

Wunderbar! Wunderbar!

1:33:271:33:31

STARLING BEATBOXES

1:33:311:33:35

OK, now you're showing off.

1:33:351:33:37

Mozart loved the little bird, so as you can imagine,

1:33:371:33:40

he was gutted when he carked it.

1:33:401:33:42

In fact, he was so sad he had a massive funeral

1:33:451:33:48

and made all his friends and family come along.

1:33:481:33:51

Which is a bit weird.

1:33:511:33:54

Sorry. Just saying. It IS a bit weird.

1:33:541:33:57

Have we got a conclusion? Can an animal win the X Factor?

1:34:001:34:03

Well, no, Mr Reeves, they can't.

1:34:031:34:05

And as we've seen, a lot of animals are very musical

1:34:051:34:08

but they're not allowed to enter the X Factor, unfortunately.

1:34:081:34:12

-It's in the rules.

-In the rules? Have you got a rule book?

1:34:121:34:16

-Just here.

-Show me this rule book. The X Factor rulebook.

1:34:161:34:19

No animals. That's the only rule in it!

1:34:191:34:22

OK, get those facts off to Masood pronto, please, Miss Tea Party.

1:34:241:34:28

Right away, Mr Reeves.

1:34:281:34:30

A very good day today. Well done, team.

1:34:311:34:34

Well done indeed. Well done, everybody!

1:34:341:34:37

'Attention, Ministry. The working day is over.

1:34:371:34:40

'Re-assessing curious stuff.

1:34:401:34:43

Jack asked who has the biggest tongue, and we found out.

1:34:431:34:47

In the animal world, an anteater's tongue is two foot long,

1:34:471:34:50

a giraffe uses his tongue to clean its ears

1:34:501:34:52

and a woodpecker wraps its tongue around its brain.

1:34:521:34:56

But the biggest tongue belongs to the blue whale.

1:34:561:34:58

It's big enough to fit 50 people on.

1:34:581:35:00

Four football teams and Dermot O'Leary are all on my tongue.

1:35:001:35:05

Next, Maya wanted to know why don't girls grow beards?

1:35:051:35:09

And we found that about the beard and moustache championship.

1:35:091:35:12

-Do they let ladies in?

-Unfortunately not, Mr Reeves. It's men-only.

1:35:121:35:16

The Indian police offered more money to cops with taches.

1:35:161:35:20

In 1698, bearded folk in Russia had to pay a beard tax.

1:35:201:35:25

If you want a beard this size, you must pay 50 roubles.

1:35:251:35:29

But to answer Maya's question, girls can grow beards.

1:35:291:35:32

Just look at 19th-century bearded lady, Annie Jones.

1:35:321:35:36

Masood asked, could an animal win the X Factor, and we found out.

1:35:361:35:40

Dolphins can sing higher than Mariah Carey.

1:35:401:35:44

That's beautiful. Whales can sing the loudest of all animals.

1:35:441:35:48

# I always sing so loud... #

1:35:481:35:51

A lyre bird can imitate almost anything brilliantly.

1:35:511:35:55

ELEPHANT CALL AND PUMP NOISE

1:35:551:35:56

Mozart had a pet starling that inspired his music.

1:35:561:35:59

Wunderbar! Wunderbar!

1:35:591:36:01

But sadly, Masood, it's the law. Animals cannot enter the X Factor!

1:36:011:36:06

-I do like a lady with a beard.

-You do like a bird with a beard.

1:36:061:36:11

-Don't start that again.

-All right, kid.

-Right, goodbye, everybody.

1:36:111:36:16

'End of the day. Transportation ready for Mr Reeves.'

1:36:161:36:19

Goodbye, Mr Reeves.

1:36:191:36:22

-Goodbye, Mr Reeves.

-Bye, Mr Reeves.

1:36:221:36:25

Stand back, everyone.

1:36:251:36:27

I'm going home for me tea!

1:36:291:36:32

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1:36:441:36:46

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