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This is The Console. Pixelface games loading.
# Life's so great in a console space
# Digitally here again
# So much more than a Pixelface
# Living in a game, living in a game Living in a game
# We play with the same old friends
# Everybody knows our name
# We'll be here till the journey ends
# Living in a game, living in a game Living in a game! #
Have you been eating pictures of apples out of the book again?
No. Don't be ridiculous.
Morning, everyone. I have the message from the quartermaster.
-Riley, your replacement jet pack has arrived.
He says please don't test it indoors this time.
Did it work?
Trying to do four loop-the-loops
might have been a little bit ambitious.
Romford, your jasmine-scented polish has been delivered.
Lovely. Finally I can smell almost as good as I look.
And Rex, your mum's coming to visit in a couple of days.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
Rex, while you're in there, can you see if you can find my keys?
This is The Console. Legend Hunter session complete.
Another day, another level.
I must admit, the boy is playing my game an awful lot at the moment.
Oh, but that's the price to pay
when you're such a star of a massively popular series.
It must be terrible for you.
Let me tell you how I completed the level.
-I was inside this huge...
-Yes. I had to locate a...
Yes, but it was guarded by a...
-Two-headed minotaur with a Welsh accent?
-Stop ruining my story!
How do you know, anyway?
Oh, just a wild guess.
-Oh, and I'm reading your game guide.
But it's against the rules to read strategy guides for your own game.
Oh, I know. That's why I'm reading yours, not mine.
Oh, your next level looks very exciting.
Oh, what is it? Tell me.
Oh, I'm not sure if I should. Then you'd have an unfair advantage.
All right... What do you want?
Alexia, I am shocked
that you'd think I would try and get something out of you.
Make me breakfast every morning
-and clean the zombie bits off my boots for a week.
OK. Your next level takes place on the Great Wall of China.
And you're being chased by an army of Mongolian warriors.
Oh, a chase sequence!
I'm brilliant at those.
And you have to escape on a bicycle.
-Oh, I wish I got to do things like that in my game.
I can't even ride a bike.
Sorry, are you sure it says a bicycle?
Not jeep or speedboat or majestic stallion?
No, a bicycle. You CAN ride a bike, can't you?
-Of course. I'm an expert bicycologist.
Then you could maybe teach Kiki to ride a bike while you're training.
Oh, would you? That'd be amazing.
Yes, what a fabulous idea.
Buenos dias a todos.
-Buenos dias a todos.
-What's wrong with your voice?
Nada. No lo se.
Hang on, sounds to me like someone's been fiddling
with the language settings on Aethelwynne's game.
What do you mean?
I mean that Paella Fitzgerald here is stuck on Spanish mode.
-Can't we change him back?
-Why would you want to do that?
Because it's embarrassing and humiliating for him.
I ask again, why would you want to change him back?
-Yeah, well, don't get personal, chief.
Rex, why don't you want your mum to stay?
I do. It's just...
I've got this older brother, Tiny.
He's an end of level boss in Mega Gino World
and he's a bit, well, stronger,
more successfuller and better-lookingerer than me.
-He got the brawn, I got the brains.
Mum's always been a bit disappointed in me.
So, well, I might have told her
one or two white lies.
Rex? What did you tell her?
Well, I told her I was the hero of an amazing secret agent game
where I get to fly helicopters
-and take out the bad guys with my kung fu skills.
And now she's going to find out the truth,
that I'm just a loser who collects apples
and jumps over mushrooms all day.
And now she's going to be even more disappointed than ever.
When she comes just tell her I'm not here.
I'm going to sit in the laundry basket with my old underpants.
Oh, Rex, don't punish yourself.
Oh, no, I go in there to cheer myself up. I like the smell.
I'm sorry I've been lying to you.
Look, the first apple you ever gave me.
Rex, we've been thinking about your little white lies.
Er, massive great whoppers, really.
About your mum thinking you're Mr Big Action Hero.
Well, we've had a few ideas.
Why don't we go along with the lie, pretend its rue?
-So you won't have to disappoint her.
-You'd all do that for me?
-Por supuesto, Rex. Que son los amigos?
-He says, "Of course.
"What are friends for?"
Well, that would be amazing. Thanks, guys.
Um, while you're here,
I did actually tell her one or two other tiny,
-although actually quite massive, whoppers as well.
I said that as I was the most important character in The Console,
I sort of had my own room. Sorry.
-Fine, we'll go to the girls' dorm.
Um, also, I did sort of tell her
that I had a glamorous, legend-hunting girlfriend.
There is no way I would ever...
You refuse to help Rex in his hour of need?
It's only for one day, after all.
-Oh, I did tell her I have a butler,
an elf butler.
-He said he'll be more than happy to be a butler
and he'll even wear a pinny.
Oh, forget it. This is hopeless.
Mum's just going to have to accept
that her youngest son is the short, weedy, grainy one.
Right. My first cycling lesson.
I suppose we should get started, then.
So, this is a bicycle, obviously.
And, er... That'll do for today.
-Well, it's enough for a beginner.
Don't want to push yourself too far on your first lesson.
Well, I already knew that.
I must be more advanced than I thought.
-Let's skip straight to lesson two.
-Oh, um, sure.
Right. Lesson two is a verbal exam
to recap lesson one.
What is this?
Well done. You've passed.
-Good day to you.
-No, hang on. I want to learn how you get on
-and keep your balance, stuff like that.
-Oh, OK, OK, OK.
Let's just get on the bike.
How hard could this be?
How are you getting on, Kiki?
It's quite easy once you get the hang of it, isn't it?
Yes, er... Argh!
Look who it is!
It's Rex Dynamo, the hero of the greatest secret agent game
in the whole world.
Oh, no, Claireparker, you don't have to pretend. It'll never work.
Course it will, Rex, darling.
Now, time for dinner with your mother.
Hang on, is this a dream?
Oh, no. Am I going to have to sit an exam with no pants on in a minute?
-Let's hope not.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs Dynamo.
-Rex has told me so much about you.
We're all very proud to live with your son. He's a real superstar.
Oh, yeah, and his game's the best.
For dinner we're having his favourite.
Apple casserole with roasted apples, apple salad,
apple mash, apple gravy
and apple bread, followed by strawberry surprise.
-What's the surprise?
-It's an apple!
You guys, that's amazing!
This is what it'll be like with your mum. We'll all go along with it,
so you don't have to hide from her.
Thanks, guys, that's brilliant.
You've shed all over me already. If your mum wasn't coming
there's no way you'd be getting special treatment, you know.
Yeah, I know.
This is brilliant. My first ever bike ride.
-Alexia, are you OK?
-Yes, I'm fine. Why do you ask?
Well, you've gone really pale and your eyes are really wide.
Ooh, and you're shaking and you're sweating a lot
and your teeth are chattering and you're breathing dead heavily.
You're crying and you're dribbling.
And you're making really weird squeaky noises!
No! Oh, all right, all right! I don't know how to ride a bike!
Really? You kept that well hidden.
I've never told that to anyone.
Oh, I'm so ashamed.
And now I've got to ride one
at high speed to escape an army of Mongolian warriors.
Oh, what am I going to do?
As far as I can see, riding a bike is all about confidence.
You just need to conquer your fear. Now, relax.
See, it's nothing to be afraid of.
I was looking for the QM.
I'm terribly sorry, he isn't available.
My name is Sir Donald Bungus,
Chief Inspector for the Ministry of Apples.
Oh, hello, Sir Donald.
May I see your apple papers, please?
Yes, certainly, Sir Donald.
Papers, papers, papers... Uh...
Oh, hello, QM. I was just chatting to Sir Donald Bungus.
-We were in the middle of some paperwork.
-Rex, that was me!
My instant disguise kit. There is no Donald Bungus.
Oh, thank goodness for that. I think my papers might be a bit out of date.
What can I do for you, Rex?
I was coming to see what time my mum was arriving.
Your mum? She left a note.
Do you know what, for the first time ever I'm actually looking forward
to her coming. In fact, I can't wait.
-It'll be the best day ever.
-She's not coming.
-Apparently she's got an appointment to get her fleas done.
-She says you'll understand.
Oh, that means the others won't have to pretend I'm a success any more.
Oh, and they went through that rehearsal for nothing.
And I'm not going to get my strawberry surprise.
-Sorry about that, mate.
-No, it's fine.
Alexia's right. I don't deserve that kind of special treatment.
I am just a loser after all.
Do you think I could borrow that for a minute?
-Yeah, of course.
-There, perfect sandwich.
-Are you sure that's big enough?
Here's a little something I made to go with it.
Todos, tenemos el visitante.
He says we've got a visitor.
Es la madre de Rex.
Well, that must mean...
You must be Claireparker.
I've told Mum a lot about you.
I mean I've told ME a lot about you.
I mean Rex has told me a lot about you.
Oh, is that a sandwich?
Yes, and this is Riley and Romford.
Es un gran placer conocerte.
And this is Aethelwynne, your son's Spanish elf butler.
-I'll go and fetch Rex, then, shall I?
Oh, no, no, no. I'm sure he's busy in his game somewhere.
Oh, yeah, he's possibly in the middle of a car chase.
You know, the whole secret agent thing.
Yeah, he's a pretty amazing guy.
Well, I suppose I'd better go and powder my nose
and then I'll use the toilet.
-Weirder! I can't get over how much she looks like him.
It must be an animal thing. I mean, all sheep look the same, don't they?
Sorry, who are we saying she looks like?
-Rex, what have you been doing?
I've just been... I've...
I had a... Phew!
Is that a sandwich?
Well done. Now are you ready to try with the rest of the bike?
I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.
Could we stay like this for a bit?
Alexia, as soon as the boy gets home,
-you'll be called up into your game.
-Oh, I know.
Then a haul of Mongolian archers are going to use me as a pin cushion.
'This is The Console. Would Alexia please come to the green room
-'or dinner with Mrs Dynamo?'
-She's here already?
Park this, will you?
So, this is lovely, isn't it?
Care for a glass of squash?
Rex, this isn't a date.
I wouldn't be here at all if it wasn't for your mum.
-Where is she, anyway?
-Oh, I'll just go and check.
-Oh! Hello, Mrs Dynamo.
which is who I assume you are, as I've never met you before, of course.
So, you're Rex's lovely girlfriend?
Oh, great. And what exactly is it you like most about him?
Oh, gosh, well, um...
Oh, no, can't really think of anything off the top of my head.
No, no, of course not. Never mind.
Oh! He's kind, I suppose.
He's thoughtful and he's funny,
although he doesn't always mean to be.
You know, the best thing about him is...
-He's honest. In fact, he's the most honest person I know.
Magnifico, roast apples.
Where is Rex, anyway?
Oh, um, I'll just go and see if I can find him, dear.
Oh, good, the food's arrived.
Rex, what are you doing?! It's rude to eat before the guest.
-We'll just have to wait until your mum comes.
I'll just go and get her.
-There's something fishy going on.
How do you mean?
-Take a look at Mrs Dynamo and tell me who she reminds you of.
I'll give you a clue, it's someone in The Console.
-Of course, you're right. I don't believe it.
I don't get it. Why would Kiki disguise herself as Rex's mum?
No, not Kiki.
-No, because I'm here. I'm standing here.
-Oh, forget it.
I think we're going to have to keep an eye on our Mrs Dynamo.
Oh, hi, everyone.
Hi, Rex. How's your mum?
Um, she's fine. Why?
-Can we see her?
-Yes. Yes, you can.
I'll just pop in and get her to come out and talk to you.
Rex, podemos ver ambos al mismo tiempo?
He says, "Can we see you both at the same time?"
Um... Well, she's sleeping now, so...
It's all right. We'll pop our heads round the door. We'll be quiet.
She's over there.
See, I told you.
Let her get some sleep.
Um, she roars in her sleep.
Everything OK, Mum?
I think she must be having a bad dream
about um... being a racehorse.
CARS BEEPING In heavy traffic.
On a boat.
In a thunderstorm.
And playing a piano.
And falling onto a gong, probably. Um, excuse me.
Ee, uh, huh, uh...
Oh! Hello, everyone.
Gosh, is that the time? Well, I really should get going. Bye-bye!
Argh! Mum! What are you doing here?
Hello, poppet. Oh. Miguel moved my flea appointment till tomorrow,
so I thought I'd come by and say hello anyway.
-Oh, Rex, come here.
You've got muck all over you.
-Mum, get off, get off!
-Rex, why are you dressed like a mad old lady?
Well, as you know, I'm a secret agent
and I'm working undercover, so I'm in disguise.
Ooh, how exciting.
Lovely dress, too.
Oh, so this is where you live, is it? Ooh, it's very nice.
Mum, why don't I give you the tour?
Oh, where shall we start first?
-How about the saucepans?
-Lovely saucepans, dear.
-What was that?
-That was me.
I'm something of a ventriloquist.
I'm just practising my routine for the Saucepan Appreciation Society.
I told you, there's a reasonable explanation for everything.
I've just been talking to the quartermaster.
He wanted to see you two urgently. Something about free apples.
-I'm not that bothered about apples.
-Did I say apples?
I meant zombie-proof planks and free armour. Just go! Go, go, go!
I think I've had a very thorough tour of your saucepans, dear.
Why don't you have another look, Mum?
-Hi, Mrs Dynamo.
-Hello, dear. What are you up to?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
Well, I think we're done with the tour of the saucepans, dear.
Shall we have a look at something else, sweetheart?
Let's have a look. Oh, ooh.
Mum, this is the sofa.
Ooh. Oh, lovely.
Oh! Ooh, sweetheart.
Oh, that's nice. It's a bit itchy...
-Oh, hello, guys.
Standing here, nonchalantly reading a comic.
Your mum said the QM was giving away free armour and planks.
He wasn't even there.
Just Sir Donald Bungus from the Ministry of Apples.
Where is your mum?
Oh, she had to run off.
What's going on in here?
Everyone, why don't we all play a new game that I've just invented?
It's called How Quickly Can You Be In A Room Other Than This One?
-Get in! I love this game.
-Oh, Riley. Sometimes I worry about that lad.
Any reason why your mum left all her clothes behind?
Er, well, like I said, she was in a hurry.
She's quite a forgetful lady, forgot to not take her clothes off.
What about her hair?
Er, that's her spare hair there.
Well, if no-one else is going to play
How Quickly Can You Be In A Room Other Than This One,
-I'm certainly not going to play it on my own.
Oh, that is a comfy sofa, sweetheart.
I'm just not sure you're supposed to get that far into it.
When I click my fingers,
you will all forget everything that has happened today.
Worth a try.
-I would not want to be in Rex's shoes right now.
Having to explain to your mum that you've been lying to her for years?
Eh? No. It's just they wouldn't fit.
So now you know everything.
I'm no secret agent.
The glamorous girlfriend doesn't exist.
All I do all day is eat apples and break crates with my head.
I'm sorry I lied to you and I'm sorry to be such a disappointment.
Whatever are you talking about?
Well, I'm not strong or successful like Tiny.
At least you don't sleep with the light on
because you're scared of the monster under the bed.
Really? Tiny's scared of the monster under the bed?
It's the one in the cupboard you need to be worried about.
Rex, look around you.
You're the hero of your own game.
You have lovely friends willing to suffer lots of indignities for you.
I'd say that makes YOU pretty successful, wouldn't you?
Well, I suppose so.
Rex, I'm ever so proud of you.
You could never, ever be a disappointment to your old mum.
I've got to go now. Your father will be expecting his walkies.
-Bye, Mrs Dynamo.
Transporting Mrs Dynamo.
Phew! Well, I guess that all worked out pretty well, then.
Don't leave me hanging.
-You're going to leave me hanging, aren't you?
-Rex, you lied.
I'm sorry. I know. I'll make it up to all of you, I promise.
Rex, how could you?
Alexia, I'm so, so, sorry.
I was an idiot. I realise now it's always better to be honest.
I'll do anything you ask, anything.
This is The Console.
Legend Hunter now loading.
Would Alexia please enter the game?
Ah. There is one thing you can do.
OK. I've got the remote from the QM.
Hopefully we should be able to reset your language settings. Here goes.
Oh, yeah. I like him like that.
Oh, I think I might have put him on pause by mistake. Try again.
Not that either.
Oh, I think that makes him look sophisticated.
Oh, no, he's still Spanish.
Oh, Rex's hairs do get everywhere, don't they?
This is The Console. Legend Hunter session complete. Alexia released.
Hang on, if you're in here, then who's...?
-How did it go?
-The level's complete.
Well done, Rex. Consider yourself forgiven.
Those Mongolian archers are a bit feisty, aren't they?
# Life's so great in a console space
# Digitally here again
# So much more than a Pixelface
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
This is The Console. Please go to the CBBC website,
where the Pixelface games can now be played.