Saving Private Romford Pixelface


Saving Private Romford

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This is the console. Pixelface games loading.

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# Play so great in a console space

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# Digitally here again

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# So much more than a Pixelface

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# Living in a game, living in a game Living in a game

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# We're playing with the same old friends

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# Everybody knows our name

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# We'll be here till the journey ends

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# Living in a game, living in a game Living in a game. #

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Make room! Make room!

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-Romford's in trouble.

-What happened?

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He was captured by the alien robot.

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I managed to rescue him,

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but I think he might have activated his self-destruct protocol.

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That a bad thing, self-destruct protocol?

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I don't think there is such a thing as a good self-destruct protocol.

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It's like an enjoyable trip on public transport.

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What do the numbers mean?

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When that timer reaches zero... Well, let's just say it...

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It could mean the end for Romford.

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Who's hungry? I'm hungry.

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-What? Too soon?

-Aethelwynne!

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No, I just mean I'm hungry because of all this distressing information.

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It's making me hungry with concern.

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You should be concerned, elf boy.

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When he reaches the end of that sequence,

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he will release a massive electromagnetic pulse,

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which could wipe out all the data in the vicinity.

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Including us.

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-THEY GASP

-Oh, no!

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Well, us includes me.

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-Well, don't just kneel there, we have to get him out of here.

-No way!

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Look, I'm as upset as the rest of you. This is nothing personal.

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I just think you should take him back into your game and allow him

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to self-destruct in the vacuum of space, and we can get lunch.

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Are you sure it's nothing personal?

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-I seem to recall you and Romford didn't always get along.

-Nonsense.

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Oh, really? Console, play history log.

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Search terms: Aethelwynne and Romford rows.

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Search returned over 500,000 results.

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Would you like to refine your search?

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No, just play the first few.

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Playing results.

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I'm going to put you in the laundry basket.

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No, don't you dare! Don't you do it!

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Here, elf boy, get your Legolas off me.

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I'm not just a foot stool, you know.

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I know. You're also a marvellous mini fridge.

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Delicious!

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ROMFORD LAUGHS

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Did I mention I've also got a shake-the-can function?

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Stay in there and be quiet, OK?

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HIGH-PITCHED TONE

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Ow! Ooh! What is that noise?

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That is a tone that only elves can hear.

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-Turn it off! It hurts! Turn it off!

-Only if you take me out of here.

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And I warn you, I've got another noise

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that will actually make you wet yourself.

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Oh, all right!

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Thank you very much. You know what?

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-I might make that wetting yourself noise anyway.

-Oh, yeah?

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-No, don't... Put that remote control down!

-No!

-Right.

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Wah! What is that? Turn it off!

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There's plenty more where they came from.

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All my laundry was in the wash and I had nothing to wear...

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Hang on, what...ow! Ow!

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Ow! Right, take that.

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All right, we had our differences.

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But Romford and I had our good times, too.

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Console, play history log,

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search terms: Aethelwynne and Romford chuck.

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Search returned zero results.

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Well, we had good times.

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I just think, for the good of the Console, he should go.

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And, you know... Boof!

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No way. I'm not letting you take him.

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Stop it, stop it!

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I can't stand to see two of my best friends suffer like this.

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Aethelwynne, I want you to blast me into space instead.

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-Rex, you can't.

-Alexia, don't try and talk me out of it.

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It'll be tough, on you especially, but my mind's made up.

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I want to take Romford's place.

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I shall be the one who leaves the Console.

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No, Rex, you can't leave,

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-because you're not the one about to self-destruct.

-But...

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Ooh, yes, no, that is an excellent point.

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Maybe no one has to leave.

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-Maybe we could stop the countdown?

-I don't know, Claire Parker.

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What if it all goes wrong?

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We could end up wrecking the whole console.

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You know how fragile and flammable it all is.

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No!

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Rex, what happened?

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Well, I was making small talk

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and then it sort of got away from me a bit.

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And now suddenly everyone's on fire.

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This place is of surprisingly bad quality.

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I think if Romford could tell us, he wouldn't want us to risk it.

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I mean, if I were in his position, I'd do the selfless thing, too.

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You, selfless?

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Listen, everyone, I've behaved abominably today.

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I did wrong... Leaving the door open for the zombies,

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and completely failing to own up...

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I even made Claire Parker think that it was all her fault,

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and I pretended to Rex that we would go out on a date.

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-Sorry, is that not happening now?

-I was appalling and selfish.

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I now realise how important it is to take responsibility for my actions.

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One of us has to risk ourselves for the others

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and so now I believe that that person should be...

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Romford.

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OK...so maybe I wouldn't.

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But we have to think of the common good.

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Romford may have to take one for the team.

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No way! He's staying.

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All right, let's take a vote on it.

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Those in favour of lobbing our little friend Romford into outer space?

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All those in favour of keeping him here and trying to fix him?

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Ugh! Well, can you at least put him further away,

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in the training room or something?

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Seeing a timer counting down to my inevitable doom

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is, frankly, a bit of buzz-kill.

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I'll take him.

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I owe him that much, at least.

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Console, play history log. Search terms "Romford and Riley",

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"Good times".

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CONSOLE: Searching. Playing results.

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Do we HAVE to watch this?

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It's depressing enough already.

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BOOM

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BOOM

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To get that flag, you're going to have to brave

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a swarm of lethal robots

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and single-handedly scale the enemy mother ship.

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-Sounds like fun, doesn't it?

-The boy's mad!

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Romford...

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..wish me luck!

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HEROIC MUSIC

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Very noisy in here!

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-Eh? What?

-I said, it's very noisy in here!

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-Can't hear you, what are you saying?

-I said, it's very noisy in here.

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Oh. Oh, is it? Can't say I'd noticed.

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Eh?

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Me ears are still ringing, honestly. What about you, Romford?

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-Can you hear properly yet?

-Nah, you're all right. I've had lunch.

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Rest easy, pal.

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We'll figure this out.

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Come on.

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This feels wrong, somehow.

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I know they might not like it, but it's best for everyone.

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Oh, I don't know. We did take a vote.

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Oh, OK. All those in favour of ignoring the last vote,

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getting him out without telling the others.

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Right. There you go.

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It's a 100% majority.

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Right, good. Well... I do feel better, having done it the right way.

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And I know just the place for him.

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HE GRUNTS

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The lair of the Troll King.

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We'll tell him it's a gift. A novelty alarm clock, or something.

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That way, if Romford does go off,

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well, he'll erase that warty old misery, too.

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Wow! Romford is absolutely filled full of stuff.

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Given how complicated he is, you'd think he'd be a bit more useful!

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Perhaps we should talk to the QM.

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He might have some idea what to do.

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OK, listen... I don't want to criticise the QM...

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I don't know if it's just me,

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but has anyone else noticed... he isn't all that helpful?

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That's not fair, Claireparker.

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I think he's lovely.

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Oh, I didn't say he wasn't lovely, I just...

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Given that we're under some time pressure here,

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do you think he might be the best guy to go to?

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Young Rex, what can I do for you?

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Why are you wearing a dress?

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This old thing? I've been beta testing the costume randomiser.

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BLEEP

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Whoa. That's better.

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BUZZER

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Hello? QM, are you there?

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Claireparker. Do not be afraid.

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You are the first to witness the magic of my invisibility hat.

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-Right...

-It's amazing, isn't it?

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I bet you have no idea where I am at all.

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Are you under the massive hat covered in fruit?

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What? How did you know?

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The giveaway was the massive hat covered in fruit

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floating in mid-air.

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Yeah, it does make it obvious, doesn't it?

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Activate pants!

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What... Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What was that?

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Just trying out my hammer pants.

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-When would you need a pair of hammer pants?

-To crush melons.

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I really don't like this cape.

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HEAVENLY MUSIC

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Hmm. I don't think so.

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Ah, that's better. Rather fond of this one.

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Well...maybe we should just have a go ourselves.

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Here's a diagram.

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Wow!

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-That does look quite complicated.

-Come on, Rex.

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You've dealt with trickier technical stuff before.

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Her only hope is me

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and an improvised fruit cockpit.

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I still don't see how this can work.

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I got the idea from you.

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You said I don't understand anything apart from apples.

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And you're right. I'm no good with numbers and dials, but this way,

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I know exactly how everything works.

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Oh. Um...

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Except for that. Don't know what that is.

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OK. Ahem!

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Captain Glover!

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I want you to listen to me very carefully and do exactly as I say.

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Grab the joystick firmly.

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Right.

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Where's the joystick?

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Oh, I'll do it!

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Make sure the top four buttons in the top panel have been pressed.

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Now. Make sure that the pineapple... er, the dial in the top left corner

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is turned to the right.

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Grab hold of the banana...er, joystick and ease it gently forward.

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JET ENGINE OVERHEAD

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Doors to manual. Two minutes to landing!

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THEY CHEER

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Thank you for flying Air Rex.

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I trust you had a pleasant flight.

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Yeah, but that was mainly fruit.

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And fruit does sort of make sense to me.

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Yeah, Rex, about that -

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your relationship with fruit isn't particularly that healthy.

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Oh, no - fruit is extremely healthy.

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I meant, mentally healthy.

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-Oh, Rex!

-Sorry!

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Sorry!

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-Lemon?

-Oh, thanks very much.

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I'm sticking name tags onto them all so I know which ones are mine.

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Now they're all mixed up.

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They're ALL yours.

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-I'm Rex.

-Get off the sofa!

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-Pardon?

-Down! Down.

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No, no, er...

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Rex isn't a dog. Rex is a...

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What are you?

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As your date, I am programmed to compliment your appearance.

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I am scanning for positive features.

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What's the problem?

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I'm trying to think of something to say that won't sound sarcastic.

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Mmm!

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You have...eyes!

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Aargh!

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Tangerine juice!

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It stings!

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It slightly stings.

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-Romford, put up a picture of some fruit.

-Uh-huh.

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-14 apples, 81 grapes, two plums, five bananas and a mango.

-Oh.

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Spot on. That is amazing.

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Somehow, fruit just makes sense to me.

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I just like to get my 105 a day.

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People, please - can we focus?

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-Romford's not long for this world.

-OK. Right.

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What do we know about how Romford works?

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Can anyone remember anything he said about how he's constructed?

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Is that thing safe?

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Course it's safe!

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Sure I can't help? I am pretty good with electronics,

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what with being made out of them.

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No, no, no. I'm quite capable, thank you.

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Riley, if you could turn me on, please.

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If you're sure.

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CRASH!

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Wow!

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I like your stage make-up, Aethelwynne!

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-You look really rock 'n' roll.

-Thank you. I'll have the trout.

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I forgot about you, little robot dude!

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Oh, no - I'm fine. Don't you worry about me.

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Shall I just pour it straight in?

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ALL: NO!

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-No, no!

-FIZZING

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Rock on!

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Romford! Romford, are you all right?

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He's a super powerful computer. He'll be fine.

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He's a super powerful computer full of orange squash,

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I don't think it's done him any good.

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Where am I? I don't need my hair cut.

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Oh, the Girl Guides have stolen my piano...

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OK, to summarise. Having taken into account

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all of the technical information, the plan is...

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to try and remove one of Romford's cogs and hope that that works out.

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Any questions?

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-Ahem!

-Yes, Rex.

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Why is Romford so small?

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That's because this is a drawing of Romford.

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Any other questions?

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Yes.

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Everyone here is a drawing, so...

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-Right.

-All right?

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-Thanks for clearing that up.

-OK. Let's do this. Let's save Romford.

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-Romford's gone.

-He can't have just gone.

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Well, maybe that's what happens at the end of the countdown,

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he just...disappears.

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I'm sorry, Riley.

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I didn't realise how difficult this was. I usually just get Ro...

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-..Romford to do it.

-Yeah. It's the little things, isn't it?

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I mean, our weekly game of Snap just isn't the same now he's not here.

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See?

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Snap!

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Somebody help me, I've got me weave stuck.

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-Oh, come here.

-Ow!

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Thank you.

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Well, that's odd.

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-What is?

-Doesn't anyone want to say anything disparaging?

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Why? It just seems something unfortunate happened to you.

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No, no, no. Somebody should say something sarcastic.

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If Romford were here, he'd be merciless.

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And yet, now he isn't,

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somehow I...find myself a little incomplete.

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Looks like you got yourself in a "hairy" moment there.

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Wow. Really?

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A "hairy" moment?

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Rubbish.

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What are we going to do?

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Oh, I can't take it any more!

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I have to tell them the truth.

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No, Alexia.

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Aethelwynne and I have moved Romford.

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Argh!

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HE GASPS

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It was her idea!

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She tricked me with democracy.

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What were you thinking?

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SHE GASPS

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I just thought that would be the best thing for everyone.

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I didn't realise we'd all miss him so much.

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Where did you put him?

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HE GASPS

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In the troll king's lair in Sword Of The Ancients.

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I thought that if he went off in there, he'd erase the troll king.

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Uh...

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Oh.

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-I'm so sorry, Riley.

-Right.

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You'll just have to go back there and get him.

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She's right.

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Off you go, Aethelwynne.

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Why do I have to go?

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It was her idea.

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Come on, let's vote.

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All those in favour of me staying.

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Oh!

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It's so embarrassing.

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Those trolls are terribly ungracious about these sort of things.

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HE HUFFS

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Oh!

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Hello, tons of fun!

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GROWLING

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So...

0:20:300:20:32

Been a bit of a mix-up in the goof department!

0:20:320:20:36

Your novelty alarm clock was supposed to go to the kingdom of the dwarfs.

0:20:360:20:41

You're supposed to get this lovely set of mugs.

0:20:410:20:44

GROWLING

0:20:440:20:47

No?

0:20:470:20:48

Don't like the mugs?

0:20:480:20:50

Well, perhaps you prefer something else?

0:20:520:20:54

Can you think of anything you'd prefer?

0:20:540:20:57

GROWLING

0:20:570:21:01

My ethereal underpants?

0:21:030:21:05

They're my favourite!

0:21:050:21:08

It takes 1,000 years to weave a single pair.

0:21:080:21:11

Oh, all right.

0:21:130:21:14

Can I use your changing room?

0:21:140:21:15

And don't look!

0:21:170:21:19

BEEPING

0:21:220:21:25

OK.

0:21:260:21:27

There it is.

0:21:270:21:29

I don't think that's had any effect at all.

0:21:290:21:31

I don't know. That clock's going down a lot faster now.

0:21:310:21:34

ALL: Put it back!

0:21:340:21:38

Put it back! Put it back!

0:21:380:21:41

OK. Rex and I have been to see the QM.

0:21:440:21:46

Apparently, we need to do a hard reset on Romford.

0:21:460:21:50

Actually, he talked about his new horse detection device

0:21:500:21:53

and then he told use about the hard reset.

0:21:530:21:55

Yeah, which I didn't think was relevant to the conversation,

0:21:550:21:57

considering we're running out of time

0:21:570:21:59

and our very existence is threatened.

0:21:590:22:00

Yeah. It was really frustrating.

0:22:000:22:03

There we were, our very existence threatened,

0:22:030:22:05

and he just kept going on and on and on

0:22:050:22:08

about how radar doesn't actually work on horses

0:22:080:22:11

but it does work on carrots.

0:22:110:22:13

-Anyway...

-Carrots?

0:22:130:22:15

Yeah, that's what I said but if you feed your horses lots of carrots,

0:22:150:22:20

then you don't have any trouble finding them.

0:22:200:22:22

Anyway...

0:22:220:22:24

Or you can use swede.

0:22:240:22:26

-The problem with that is not all horses like swede...

-REX!

0:22:260:22:30

Sorry... Long story short, didn't detect any horses.

0:22:300:22:33

We need to do a hard reset in order to stop the clock.

0:22:330:22:38

Magic! But it will remove all of Romford's memory.

0:22:380:22:42

Not magic.

0:22:420:22:43

-That's where this chair comes in.

-That's what that is.

0:22:430:22:48

I wondered when we'd get to that.

0:22:480:22:49

Romford will lose his whole personality unless one of us

0:22:490:22:53

is willing to make a back-up of Romford on our own memory,

0:22:530:22:57

which is very risky.

0:22:570:22:59

Yeah. He made this face...

0:22:590:23:01

I'll do it.

0:23:030:23:04

-Are you sure?

-Yes, I'm sure.

0:23:050:23:08

I'll do it for Romford.

0:23:080:23:10

Sometimes, you have to take one for the team.

0:23:100:23:13

How will we know when it's working?

0:23:140:23:15

He said it would be obvious.

0:23:150:23:17

Ooh...

0:23:220:23:23

OK.

0:23:230:23:25

CRACKLING

0:23:250:23:26

CRACKLING

0:23:280:23:30

Oh, my giddy aunt.

0:23:310:23:32

I only told you to blow the blooming doors off.

0:23:320:23:35

Cloned alien robots at 12 o'clock, sergeant.

0:23:350:23:37

You're a big man but you're in bad shape.

0:23:370:23:40

Good night.

0:23:400:23:42

Cogs on my ear. If 1,200 men couldn't hold

0:23:420:23:45

the defensive position this morning, what chance have we got with 100?

0:23:450:23:48

Complete.

0:23:480:23:49

Alexia? Are you all right?

0:23:510:23:53

Woah! That blew my mind!

0:23:530:23:56

What's it like having Romford's mind inside yours?

0:23:560:24:01

Weird. It's like a could feel his thoughts.

0:24:010:24:04

He likes you, Kiki.

0:24:040:24:06

And, he secretly enjoys dance music.

0:24:080:24:10

Ah, how sweet!

0:24:100:24:12

Riley, I feel he really would do anything for you.

0:24:120:24:16

I'd do anything for him.

0:24:160:24:18

He's a good piece of kit.

0:24:190:24:20

Oh, oh, oh! Do me! What does he think about me?

0:24:200:24:24

Erm... It's a bit...hazy.

0:24:240:24:28

Woah, woah, woah. Let me guess.

0:24:280:24:29

He admires me greatly but he hides it by being incredibly rude.

0:24:290:24:35

Erm... That's not exactly what I'm getting.

0:24:350:24:39

Erm... Oh, look at the time. Less than a minute.

0:24:390:24:42

Not enough time to tell you all the wonderful things that

0:24:420:24:46

-I'm sure he wanted to say.

-Ah!

0:24:460:24:48

Are you sure this is the correct procedure?

0:24:520:24:53

-According to this. Now you just drop him.

-Drop him?

-DROP HIM!

0:24:530:24:57

Romford? Romford, say something!

0:25:000:25:01

Please set date and time.

0:25:050:25:07

BEEPING

0:25:100:25:11

Please set accent.

0:25:110:25:12

-SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-Hello, I'm Romford.

0:25:140:25:16

-ITALIAN ACCENT:

-Hello, I'm Romford.

0:25:160:25:19

-SCOUSE ACCENT:

-Hiya, I'm Romford.

0:25:190:25:20

-COCKNEY ACCENT:

-All right, chief, I'm Romford.

0:25:200:25:22

He's back!

0:25:220:25:24

Perfect!

0:25:240:25:26

Now all we need to do is download his memory from Alexia.

0:25:260:25:28

Alexia?

0:25:280:25:30

Alexia, are you OK?

0:25:340:25:35

I don't know.

0:25:350:25:37

I have this sudden, overwhelming urge

0:25:370:25:39

to collect these things.

0:25:390:25:41

We should get her downloaded as soon as possible.

0:25:420:25:45

Hmm! Nickel cadmium. Nice!

0:25:460:25:49

-Thanks, Romford.

-Whatever.

0:25:550:25:57

Come on Romford. We're on in two.

0:25:570:26:00

All right, keep your kevlar on. I'm coming.

0:26:000:26:03

Cut the backchat and saddle up.

0:26:030:26:05

Oh, this is classified but...

0:26:080:26:10

I missed you.

0:26:110:26:12

Look! I appear to have put on my tunic all lopsided.

0:26:170:26:20

How unfortunate.

0:26:200:26:22

At least it matches your face now, you pointy-eared squatter.

0:26:220:26:26

HE LAUGHS

0:26:260:26:28

It's good to have you back!

0:26:290:26:31

Blimey. What's got into the Lord Of The Whinge?

0:26:340:26:36

I think he's glad that you're OK.

0:26:360:26:39

No thanks to you, Lady Lies-alot.

0:26:390:26:42

Yes, erm, sorry about that.

0:26:420:26:44

I thought it was the right thing.

0:26:440:26:45

I never could have done something so selfish and deceitful.

0:26:450:26:49

Really?! Don't forget I've been inside your head now.

0:26:490:26:52

You mean you remember the stuff from the download?

0:26:520:26:56

I know everything!

0:26:560:26:58

Your hopes, your dreams, your dirty little secrets.

0:26:580:27:02

Like why you hide Aethelwynne's conditioner

0:27:020:27:04

because you think it's funny when his hair frizzes.

0:27:040:27:07

Well, it is quite funny.

0:27:070:27:08

Or why Kiki's disco CDs keep going missing.

0:27:100:27:13

I do love to get my groove on!

0:27:130:27:16

And why Claireparker can't find any batteries for her emergency torch,

0:27:160:27:20

which she really needs.

0:27:200:27:22

Or the way you play those high-pitched tones

0:27:220:27:25

to make Rex think there are insects buzzing around him.

0:27:250:27:28

BUZZING

0:27:280:27:30

All right. Nobody's perfect.

0:27:320:27:34

I'll tell you what. Don't mention any of this

0:27:340:27:36

and we'll call it quits.

0:27:360:27:38

Deal.

0:27:380:27:39

# Life's so great in the console space

0:27:400:27:42

# Digitally here again

0:27:420:27:45

# So much more than a Pixelface

0:27:450:27:48

# Living in a game living in a game... #

0:27:480:27:52

This is the console.

0:27:520:27:53

Please go to the CBBC website where the Pixelface games can be played.

0:27:530:27:57

Download Subtitles

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ASS