Rock Star Pixelface

This is The Console. Pixelface games loading.

# Life's so great in a console space

# Digitally here again

# So much more than a pixel face

# Living in a game

# Living in a game Living in a game

# We're playing with the same old friends

# Everybody knows our name

# We'll be here till the journey ends

# Living in a game

# Living in a game Living in a game. #

I can't believe we've lost so many of the blocks.

Well, I think some went missing last time we played.

Is it my turn?

OK...

I win.

That might explain why we're missing so many of the pieces.

-Plus, I did eat a few.

-That's disgusting!

I did dip them in jam!

I suppose we just have to make do with this.

I'm going for the tricky bourbon.

LOUD GUITAR RIFF

Yeah! Let's rock!

Wow! It's Kirk Bigglemeyer,

the greatest guitarist in the gaming world here in our console!

-What is that cacophony?

-Awesome.

That is incredible.

-I didn't know you liked guitar.

-Yes, yes. What a luxuriant bow.

How do you do it?

Well, I use a rich protein conditioning treatment

after every wash and a diffuser when I blow dry.

I've got all of your albums.

That's pretty cool of you, little fairy dude.

Rock Monster 1, Rock Monster Upgrade, Rock Monster 2,

even Rock Monster 2 - Additional Riffs.

-You're the greatest.

-Maybe not for much longer, I'm afraid.

-Why?

-You're not retiring?

-Well, I might have to.

See, our lead singer, he hurt his back tidying the hotel room.

And tomorrow we've got to film a video sequence,

and without a singer, our game could be over.

DRAMATIC RIFF

-Perhaps one of us could be the lead singer.

-Yes, perhaps.

Well, I am a tremendous singer, aren't I, everybody?

Surely you remember the time I sang that wonderful elfin ballad,

The Song Of The Bogle Clencher?

How could we forget.

# My sweetheart took a lemon and a-fishing she would go

# She went down to the riverside jigging around to and fro

# Oh-ho-hoooo... #

TUNELESS STRUMMING

Ahem! 41 verses to go.

# "Tickle me, mackerel", said the witch atop the crystal chair. #

-I'll sing it now for Kirk!

-ALL: No!

Oh, hello. Who's the poodle then?

This is Kirk Bigglemeyer from Rock Star.

He's looking for a singer for his band.

Hey, mate, I love to sing, get a load of this.

Up in the morning to the rising sun!

Up in the morning to the rising sun!

-Brush my teeth and wipe my...

-Oh! What is all this noise?

I can't hear myself think - and I'm tremendously good at thinking

so it's normally not an issue.

There's a vacancy for a singer on Rock Monster.

Well, I've certainly got the looks to be a pop star.

I live and breathe music, it should definitely be me.

ALL TALK OVER EACH OTHER

I've got an inbuilt kazoo, it ought to be me. I'm made of music, me.

Look, just chill out.

-We'll have a competition and I will pick the winner.

-Brilliant!

-This is so exciting.

-Oh, wow, I love that game. Can I have a turn?

Yeah, why not? Romford, would you..?

Rock time!

He's good.

Yes, go, Claireparker! Woo hoo!

BACKING TRACK PLAYS

It's no use, I can't win this competition.

I've never been able to sing in front of people. It gives me nightmares.

-Like that time Rex made us all cheese flavoured cocoa.

-My turn!

I've been practising this for hours.

BACKING TRACK PLAYS

# If you like it then you should have put a ring on it

# If you like it then you should have put a ring on it

SHE SINGS TUNELESSLY

# Whoa-oa-oa oh-oh-oh-oh-oh oh-oh... #

-Oh, stop! Stop!

-Did I miss some lyrics?

Lyrics? You mean you were singing?

-Yes.

-I just assumed a cat got caught in a mangle.

-Alexia!

Or that an angry goose had sat on a drawing pin.

Or maybe a screeching baboon

playing with a car alarm in a hooter testing factory.

OK, Alexia, I get it, I'm not that great at singing.

Oh, it wasn't all that bad.

Oh, no, hang on, it was.

-Is that really necessary?

-Oh, yes. I need an electric lyre.

It wouldn't be very rock 'n' roll otherwise.

-Wish I played an instrument.

-Is that thing safe?

-Of course it's safe.

Are you sure I can't help?

I'm pretty good with electronics, what with being made out of them.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm quite capable, thank you.

-If you could turn me on, please.

-If you're sure.

BANG!

ELECTRICAL BUZZING

Wow! I like your stage make-up, you look really rock 'n' roll.

Thank you, I'll have the trout.

Right, let me show you how it should sound.

BACKING TRACK PLAYS

-YELLS TUNELESSLY:

-# If you like it then you should have put a ring on it

# If you like it then you should have put a ring on it

# Don't be glad... a ring on it!

# Whoa-oa-oa oh-oh-oh-oh-oh oh-oh, ow!

# Whoa-oa-oa oh-oh-oh-oh-oh oh-oh... #

Wow! You two look great light that, really rock 'n' roll.

Crazy times. What is this thing?

Hello! Everyone's really looking forward to the competition.

That's great news, furry dude. What are you going to sing?

Oh, I don't think I'm going to have a go. I'm not very good at singing.

-Oh, it's not so difficult.

-Well, you've been doing it for years.

-Yeah, I know. Always on the go, nowhere to call home.

-Really?

Yeah, I'm totally out of touch with day-to-day life.

I've been trying to work out

how to use that hairdryer for about an hour.

-Well, that's a toaster. For toasting bread.

-No way, man!

I always thought that came straight off the tree already toasted.

Wow, you really are out of touch.

Yes, I haven't even made a sandwich for about eight years.

Perhaps you should have a go now?

Awesome idea, then I can connect with the real world. How do I start?

-Well, first you're going to need some bread.

-Right.

And then do I boil it in the hairdryer?

-Morning, what's happening?

-Just in time. Activate pants!

-Whoa, what was that?

-Just trying my new hammer pants.

-Hammer pants?

When will you ever need a pair of hammer pants?

-For crushing melons.

-Oh, right.

-Now, what can I do for you?

Oh, it's this new singing competition.

I'd love to give it a go but I can't sing a note.

I was wondering if you have any instruments I could learn.

-Have you ever considered the xylophone?

-The what?

# Can't read my, can't read my, no you can't read my poker face... #

Join in!

Yeah, not really my kind of thing. You got anything else?

Let's see what I've got in stock.

Whoa.

-That is a tuba. See how you get on with that.

-Right you are.

Now, where was I? Yes, activate pants.

Argh! Why do I invent these things?

Are you going to use your electric lyre for the competition?

-No, it is too...

-What, badly wired?

-No it is...

-Idiotic?

-No.

-It is too...

-much of a terrible idea?

-No. It is too coarse.

I will start with an acoustic number

that will demonstrate my marvellous vocal range.

-That should be quite a short song.

-Don't listen to him.

-You've got a lovely voice.

-Indeed. This is the tip of the iceberg.

I rather fancy my first album might go gold. Then platinum.

Maybe even myrrh.

-That sounds great. Can I be in your band?

-Of course you can.

-Brilliant.

Being in a band is hard work.

When we are successful we will be selling out stadiums,

and a lot of people will want to come and see us.

-Yes.

-Those people will need to be shown to their seats.

The person who does that will be your boss.

I'm not so keen now.

Guys, guys, check this out.

-I'm going to play the tuba.

-What have you done to it?

-I've unravelled it.

-Unravelled it?

-Yes, I had to. It was all curled up.

Here goes.

Hang on a second.

TUNELESS BLARE

Argh! Stop it, stop it!

Oh, I think my cogs have popped.

Maybe we should join forces.

Signing up to the army will not get us anywhere.

-No. Team up. Form a group.

-That is not a bad idea.

I might not feel so nervous if we are all singing.

I might be able to stay in tune.

Let's do it.

Love a duck! I not going near that lot again.

Exploding lyres, deafening tubas. Do you mind if I hole up in here?

Guess what?

-We're good to start a girl band.

-Oh, are you?

We stand a better chance if we work together.

-Sounds like you need me as your manager.

-What for?

Just a couple of things.

Contracts, venue hire, hotel bookings,

your entourage, their entourage, their entourage's entourage,

studio sessions, A & R, R & B, Ps & Qs, record labels,

tigers, nappies, whelks, limos, catering. That is just your basics.

Gosh I didn't realise it was so complicated.

With me in charge it will be plain sailing. First up, what's your name?

-Claire And Her Accessories.

-No way.

-Definitely not.

-Why not

-Alexia Plus Two?

-The Kiki Three?

ALL THREE ARGUE

All right, all right. Turn it down. Very highly strung, these popstars.

That's it, you are doing well.

-Now you need to put the other slice of bread on top.

-On top of what?

-This toaster?

-No, that is a vacuum cleaner.

-You need to put the bread on the sandwich.

-This is a crazy business!

That's it. Lower. Don't be scared. There we go. Brilliant. Well done.

A cheese sandwich.

-Awesome.

-Right, time to toast it.

CRUNCH

-Sorry, QM. I thought you're supposed to unravel it.

-I'm sure it's fixable.

-I don't suppose you've got any other instruments I could try?

-Let us look.

-A keyboard. You know how to play this don't you?

-Of course.

I'm not daft.

Where are the strings?

I would like this opportunity to tell the press our new name.

The Console Girls.

Under the guidance of our manager, Mr Romford,

we are going to top the charts.

And we're looking forward to our next album and tour.

All right. That's enough.

-Is this necessary?

-It is vital to practise.

You have to learn how to deal with the press.

-Shouldn't we be preparing some songs?

-No time for that.

You have got a photo call to get to, then you got to split up, reform,

split up again, reform,

and one of you needs to marry a footballer.

-Nearly there.

-Maybe you should try making something else?

-Squash!

-I love orange squash. How do I make that?

-That's easy.

I'm sure you can do that.

-Great! Let's go and dig up some oranges.

-No, no, no.

-Oranges don't grow in the ground.

-Of course. I can be stupid sometimes.

Oranges in the ground(!)

I do of course realise that oranges are hatched out of eggs.

STRUM

To the orange farm!

HE SINGS SCALES TUNELESSLY

Aethelwynne. Aethelwynne.

Aethelwynne. Aethelwynne.

Aethelwynne.

-AETHELWYNNE.

-Argh!

-Sgt Riley.

-Do you know anything about keyboards?

Smidgeon. Why?

I can't get this one to work.

I had to rearrange all the keys because they were all jumbled up.

I put the white ones at the top and the black ones at the bottom.

I still can't get it to work.

Sgt Riley, the musical term for what you've achieved here

is a "completi fiasco".

-Right, yes. Is that a good thing?

-No.

-Oh dear.

-How is that song of yours coming on?

-Not bad. Ahem.

FALSETTO: # Buddy you're a boy

# Make a big noise playing in the street

# Going to be a big man some day

# You've got mud on your face you big...#

What's so funny? I am singing all the right notes in the right place.

No, it's fine. It's just it's not very rock.

Listen to me, space buddy.

If I were any more rock they'd be selling me at the seaside!

No, no, no. You need to sound more like...

# I'm cleaning up the sandwich mess... #

Like that.

# That Kirk made, yeah!

# I'm cleaning up the sandwich mess that Kirk made, yeah! #

Rex, what are you doing?

I'm cleaning up the sandwich mess that Kirk made.

-No, was that you singing?

-No. Oh, yes.

-How extraordinary.

It is, isn't it? He hit it with a vacuum cleaner,

now he's off to make egg squash.

-No. I mean, I didn't know you had a voice like that.

-You never asked.

-Would you like to be in my band?

-As a singer?

As a backing singer of sorts.

Yes please!

Hi, Kirk. Have you managed to...?

Ssh! It says concentrate!

# You're not going to ring my telephone. #

-Sorry, QM. I thought I was doing the right thing.

-Oh, Riley.

-I don't suppose you've got any other instruments?

-I shouldn't really.

Go on then. It's your last chance.

-You know what these are don't you?

-Do I know(?) Violins? Cheese?

They're maracas. They are a percussion instrument. Shake them.

Oh, right, yeah. Got you.

You can't go wrong with those.

Let's see if my modification has worked.

Activate pants.

MUSIC PLAYS

Get down!

One, two, three, four.

# Buddy you're a boy make a big noise playing in the street

# Going to be a big man some day

# You've got mud on your face You big disgrace

# Kicking... #

No, I forgot that bit. Cut, cut, cut.

Do I have to sing from underneath this box?

It will make life a lot easier if you can't be seen, trust me.

-But why?

-If no one knows it's you singing

you won't have to do any of the boring stuff when we're successful.

Like signing autographs, getting hassle from fans. It's hard work.

-Is it?

-Yes. Once you're famous

you couldn't pop out and buy an apple for example.

-Couldn't you?

-No. You'd get mobbed by fans.

Wow!

If I can't have any more apples, I definitely don't want to be famous.

Exactly. I'm doing you a huge favour.

Let's practise. The competition starts in an hour.

Hey, dudes. I brought you some squash.

Brilliant. Well done.

It was easier than I thought.

You just pour it straight into the glass.

You didn't put any water in this.

Water?

Sugar rush!

It may be a bit strong.

Right, ladies. We have got the name, the look. We have got the action.

Let's get out there and win that competition.

Hang on a second. What are we going to sing?

Both: Oh, yeah.

I knew there was something I'd forgotten.

I'm sure we'll sound fine. Why don't we try this one?

1, 2, 3, 4.

# Da, da, da, da, da, da

# Da, da, da, da, da, da

# (OUT OF TUNE) I like the tie around your neck

# I make you look so good in it

# I like the watch around your wrist

THEY SING DIFFERENT WORDS

-I think you've over routed the axle cable on my auditory server.

-What?

It's hurting my ears, love.

Luckily, your Uncle Romford has a plan.

Here, sing into this.

That may be able to polish your sound a little.

OK, all set? From the top.

# Da, da, da, da, da

# Da, da, da, da, da

# I like the tie around your neck

# I'll make you look so good in it

# I like your watch around your wrist

# Just wind me up and go tick, tock, tick. #

-Wow.

-That sounded great.

Yes. Auto tuning, love.

You put guff through that and it will come out sounding like Beyonce.

Isn't that cheating?

Who said anything about cheating?

It is just a helping hand. Every band does it.

Really?

Oh, yeah. That Lady Goo Goo,

Fizzy Rascal, Winchy Tinchy Spider, Jason Timberlake.

They are tone deaf, the lot of them.

As long as everyone does it.

Come on, Claireparker. We don't stand a chance without it.

Absolutely. Have another go. Practice makes perfect.

1, 2, 3, 4.

-So exciting.

-Please, let me win. Please, let me win.

# Here come the girls... #

Wow.

-You look great.

-Oi, do not distract the artistes.

Has anyone seen Kirk? He should be judging.

He said he was preparing a little something for us all.

Surprise! I have made you all a nice cup of squash. It's party time.

Well done. You finally did it.

-Did you remember to put water in it this time?

-Oh, yeah.

I got it just right. Drink up.

This is my shoe.

Ssh. This is his big moment. Don't ruin it for him.

There you go, girls. Enjoy.

Oops, I forgot about you, little robot dude.

No, no. I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

Shall I just pour it straight in?

ALL: No!

-No, no...

-Rock on!

'This is the Console. Competition time.

'Will the judge please take his seat.

'First contestants, Alexia, Claireparker and Fifi Nova.'

APPLAUSE

Romford? Romford? You all right?

He's a super powerful computer. He will be fine.

He's a super powerful computer full of orange squash.

I don't think it's done him any good.

Where am I? I don't need my hair cut. The girl guides have stolen my piano.

Romford, we're about to start.

It's half past two. Where's all the cutlery? What's going on?

Why are you dressed as bears?

'Please welcome the Console Girls.'

We'll just have to do our best.

# Da, da, da, da, da

# Da, da, da, da, da, da

# I like your tie around your neck

# I'll make you look so good in it

# I like your watch around your wrist

# Just wind me up and go tick, tock, tick

# And you make me want to sing... #

SHE SINGS OUT OF TUNE

# Oh, around my neck... #

BUZZER

What's going on?

Sorry, Romford was using an autotuner to make us

sound better and I think it's gone a bit haywire.

An autotuner?! You blatant cheats!

You're all disqualified, I'm afraid.

Romford said it wasn't cheating.

Romford? Oh, me cogs! I'm off to dry out.

-Next!

-Next contestant, Sgt Riley.

Right, I think I've cracked it this time.

Shouldn't they make some sort of noise?

They were making a silly shaking noise.

Turns out, someone left a load of beans in them.

I threw those away.

BUZZER

Next!

Unbelievable. You people.

'Next contestant, Aethelwynne.

APPLAUSE

# Buddy, you're a boy make a big noise

# Playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day

# You got mud on your face

# You big disgrace

# Kickin' your can all over the place

# We will, we will rock you

# We will, we will... #

# Rock you... #

I can explain.

Next!

There isn't a next. That's everyone.

And you all cheated.

No-one did anything musical at all.

Apart from my little friend Rex.

Which is why he should be the one who sings in the video.

Well done, Rex.

You've got the best voice.

In fact, he's such a good singer, I'd like him

to join the band full-time.

Wow!

-That's amazing.

-Go, Rex.

I'm not sure I want to be in a band.

Why ever not?

Well, being mobbed all the time, not being able to buy apples.

Ah, yes, um, Rex, I, um... I made that up.

Sorry about that. It was mean of me.

I tried to pass of your voice as my own.

-You should join the band.

-What an opportunity!

Imagine, a rock star.

I don't think so.

-No?

-I don't want to be famous. I'm happy being here with my friends.

I still need someone to sing in the video. Who could it be?

I still don't see why he got to be in the band.

He was the only one left.

# Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine, oh, yeah

# You can dance, you can jive

# Having the time of your life

# Ooh, see that girl, watch that scene

# This is the dancing queen. #

'This is the Console. Please go

'to the CBBC website where the Pixelface games can now be played.'

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd