Strictly Romford Pixelface

This is The Console. Pixelface games loading.

# Life's so great in a console space

# Digitally here again

# So much more than a pixel face

# Living in a game

# Living in a game, Living in a game

# We're playing with the same old friends

# Everybody knows our name

# We'll be here till the journey ends

# Living in a game

# Living in a game Living in a game. #

LAUGHTER

Ow! Mind where you're going, you pointy-toed forest-goer!

If you will lie there in the middle of the room, what do you expect?

I'm trying to reach that can of oil.

LAUGHTER

-What are we watching?

-It's Claireparker's Zombie Bloopers Reel.

Ow! Ow! Oh, I'll never get it.

It might as well be up the Eiffel Tower!

THEY LAUGH

-This one is brilliant!

-Come on! Let's have a look.

So does not see this next shot coming.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, come on! Come on, let me see!

That is priceless, I am so glad I saw this!

Oh, come on! I want to look.

Funniest thing I've ever seen! You wouldn't want to be missing this.

Ooh! Oh, come on!

Now this is a classic, watch out for the live power cable, Mr Zombie!

Oh, come on, shift out of the way, will you?

His hair's standing up like that!

Oh, come on! I can't see. Can someone lift me up, please? Hello!

Sorry, Romford.

-There you go.

-Ah, cheers. Brilliant.

-That's about it.

The rest is Aethelwynne polishing his woodland creature carvings.

I do not believe you recorded over that!

Oh, relax, there's three hours of it!

All right, can someone lift me down now, please? Hello?

Hello? Can you...come on, please.

It is fascinating to watch a craftsman at work.

You see how I'm rubbing with the grain? That's terribly important.

'Visit my website, polishingwoodenanimals.com.'

Ohhh, how boring is this?

-You all right, Kiki?

-Not really.

There's a big inter-console ballroom competition coming up.

Everyone from Groove Academy 2's going to be in it.

But Dean LaRouge has said he doesn't want to be my dance partner.

Can't someone else do it?

Well, I've asked everyone else. No-one wants to.

-Why? I thought you were a good dancer.

-I am.

But no-one can seem to handle my enthusiasm.

Does it have to be someone from Groove Academy 2?

Well, it's an open competition so I suppose not.

Maybe one of the boys from here could do it?

Ballroom requires elegance, poise, passion and grace.

RILEY GROANS

A-agh! Ohh! A-agh! A-a-agh!

Ooh, look. Here comes the beeswax polish!

'That'll get a lovely shine. And although they hang out together,

'none of them are friends. They don't even get on.'

Oh, yeah! Oh, that's the spot, right there! Ahh!

Can somebody help me off this chair, please? Help.

Why don't you try them out? They might surprise you.

-I'll do it meself.

-CRASH

A-a-agh! Ooh, me battery cover! A-agh!

Cor, I thought I was going to be stuck there forever.

Nearly bent me crankshaft getting off that chair.

Wish I had a proper body.

If you're interested in that sort of thing,

I do have a bit of a connection.

What sort of connection?

I know a body man. He deals with spares, shall we say.

He could sort you out with something.

Oh, yeah, well as long as it's all above board.

Oh, no! It's definitely not above board. It's highly illegal.

Well then, that puts me in a little bit of a tricky moral dilemma.

I understand. Take all the time you need to think it through.

No, no, no, it's all right, I've just shut down my morality chip.

Come on, let's do it! I want limbs!

SAMBA MUSIC PLAYS

-What do you think?

-Actually, it's not bad.

-Great, cos I had a few thoughts about the choreography.

-Oh, really?

Yeah. It's all very pretty, but it could be more efficient.

I'll show you what I mean.

You know we start here, then we go over there,

-then over there, back over there, and we end up there?

-Yeah.

Well, how about we go straight from here to there in a straight line?

It'd be a lot quicker. Watch.

See? We've achieved our objective, and exposed ourselves

to fewer alien attacks.

There aren't any aliens here.

Exactly. Look, I'll show you again.

No! Riley, we're not going to do that!

What? I thought you said you wanted me to lead?

That's what I'm doing, I'm being a leader.

Yeah, well, I'm relieving you of your duty.

Oh!

Right, what's the score?

My body man will be here any moment now, so I'll leave you to it.

-Good luck!

-Cheers, Alexia.

This is the Console. Sentient Force now loading.

Will Romford and Sgt Riley please enter the game?

-Come on, Romford. We're up.

-Not yet, I'll catch up with ya.

You Romford?

-Yeah.

-Sweet. I've got the old... HE WHISTLES

-The old what?

-You know. The dodgy gear.

I didn't order any gears, I wanted a whole body!

I was trying to keep it hush-hush. You know, on the old click-click!

You didn't even complete your sentence then. You just stopped

-and made a clicking noise.

-Look, this box contains a body.

Oh, you mean the body I ordered from you illegally on the black market?

Yes! The body you ordered illegally from me on the black market!

All right, keep your voice down, man!

SALSA MUSIC PLAYS

Oh, Rex, what's wrong? You haven't got fleas again, have you?

No, it's just this outfit isn't very comfortable. I prefer natural fibres.

Well, just try and manage! OK, from the top.

So, backwards and forwards, and backwards and forwards.

Now, split into your solo section.

OK, and what should I be doing here?

Well, whatever you're doing, it's great. Just keep going, Rex!

ELECTRICAL BUZZING I've got a bit of a funny feeling,

-like all my hair is standing on end.

-Oh, that's OK!

It's the spirit of the music entering your soul!

Actually, I think it's static electricity.

This nylon's having a weird reaction with my fur!

No, no, it's just the power of salsa!

Right, now, come back together again.

Yeah, I'm not sure this is a good idea. I feel pretty electric.

No, it's fine. It's Latin fever, you're meant to feel that way.

You're the expert.

A-a-a-agh!

-Agh! Agh!

-Rex?

-Uh-huh?

-I don't think that was Latin fever.

No.

Oh! Agh! Oh!

I think I'm magnetic! A-agh!

Ooh! Ballpoint pen, very nice!

GUNFIRE AND EXPLOSIONS

Incoming!

Romford!

Romford! Where are you?!

Is that all you've got?

That was nothing! It'll take more than that to stop this soldier!

Right, looks like I'll have to deal with this one on my own.

BUZZING AND WHIRRING

Fire Command. Fire Command, this is call sign Riley reporting in, over.

"Oh, hello, Riley! How's things?"

Yeah, fine, fine. Look, I'm in Section Five, I'm pinned down,

I've encountered enemy hostiles.

I've been separated from my combat droid. Over.

"Oh! That sounds like a right pickle. Rather you than me."

Thanks. Look, I can't hold them off all by myself without my droid,

so I need to find a way out. Please advise possible evac. Over.

"When you say "evac," d'you mean evacuation?"

Yeah, of course. Evacuation.

"Why don't you just say the word then?"

-Because it's quicker.

-"But it's not quicker, is it?

"You and I have had to have this conversation, now.

"That must've taken a minute longer than if you'd asked me

"without the abbreviation nonsense."

BEEPING AND WHIRRING

Disarm, life form!

Identify! Are you our commander or the enemy?

-Erm...!

-If you are the enemy, we must destroy you.

If you are our commander, we must follow you.

In that case, I'm the commander.

Greetings, Commander. What are your orders?

Shall we scan for enemy life forms in the area?

Yes...No! I mean, negative.

-I mean, just give me a minute to think about this.

-As you wish.

SAMBA MUSIC PLAYS

Hmm-mmm!

Don't worry, Kiki! I'm an excellent dancer!

Such a relief! The others weren't up to much. Right!

Let's get started.

-What's that?

-It's a maypole!

-What's it for?

-For dancing, Kiki! You can't dance without a maypole!

Right, I'll go clockwise, you go anti-clockwise.

Pink over blue, and try not to snag the braid!

Everyone, look who's here!

Oh, my goodness. Romford, look at you.

Yeah, I know. I am magnificent.

-Wow!

-It's basically a knock-off Sims background character,

-so the coding isn't perfect.

-His feet do look a little bit...

Yeah, they're not a matching pair and they're both left feet, but...

Still, not bad. A lot of these black-market bodies can be dodgy.

This is a good one, you know. Plus, he threw in a bonus arm.

Is that a hook-hand?

Yeah, it was a spare from a pirate game.

-Yeah, these hands don't seem to get on.

-Well, give us a spin.

That is the one thing. If I take my hand off the wall, this happens.

A-a-agh! Ow!

How does this whole commander thing work, then?

BOTH: We are programmed to the commander's orders.

If there is no commander, we revert to our pre-programmed orders.

Which are?

BOTH: Eliminate all organic life-forms!

OK, OK, OK, look. Right, this is your new prime directive.

Protect your commander, that's me, at all times.

-Protect Commander!

-Protect Commander!

All right, good. That's very good.

Anything comes near me, you guys intercept it.

-WASP BUZZES

-Whoa, whoa, stop! What you doing?

-I thought I saw a wasp.

-Me, too.

OK, good, a wasp. That's good. That's very good.

I never thought having a body was going to be this hard.

It's OK. Remember, you're only one day old. Just try a few steps.

Right-o! Right, oh, whoa! Oh, I'm doing it, I'm doing it. Yeah, yeah.

OK, now try to go it alone.

No, no, don't let go! No, no, don't let go!

-Whoa, whoa, oh, oh!

-Come on! You can do it!

-Yeah, yes, yes!

-That's it.

-Ohh!

That was a perfect start. You just need practice.

MUSIC: "We Walk" by the Ting Tings

You all right, Kiki?

Not really. I still can't find a dance partner.

All the boys were useless.

Well, I thought maybe I could be your partner.

You know, I've done lots of ballroom dances.

Debutante balls, gala balls, country balls, summer balls,

Christmas balls, you know what I mean.

So, I thought maybe you and I could dance together.

-That'd be so cool, I'd love that.

-Great! I'd hoped you'd say that!

Wow! We're going to look amazing!

-Ready!

-Yep!

-Let's go!

Whenever you're ready.

Go on, then. You lead.

No, you lead.

No, I'm not being the man!

Well, I'm not going to be the man!

-Out of the two of us, you're the one that's most like a man.

-Oh!

Hmmpf!

Typical man.

Oh, yeah! Mmm, delicious.

-That was the fastest weight-gain I've ever seen!

-How has this happened?

You're eating too much junk food, so you put on loads of weight!

The thing about bodies,

-you have to look after them.

-Especially black-market bodies.

They're not always that well put together.

Are you saying there's something weird about me?

No, no, we're just saying that you've got to look after yourself.

-Perhaps do some exercise.

-Exercise? No, thank you.

-Yeah, come on.

-I'll consider it, but only if I can have another cake.

Actually, leave it in the tin, this time. I prefer that.

Agh! Agh! Oh! Oh, blimey!

Oh, come on, how many more?

Ahh! Ahh!

Come on, Romford. You can do it. Come on. One for me, do one for me.

That's it, Romford! Come on, give it a bit of oomph!

Blimey! Oh, no more!

Oh, please, it's killing me!

Yay! One for Riley!

Yay, Romford, you can do it! One more! One more! Come on!

Ohhh!

Go on, Romford. Yeah, pick yourself up.

I promise, last time. One more. You can do it. One more.

Ooh, no, no, no.

Ahhh!

Huh-huh!

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Well done!

A-agh!

I have to hand it to you, Romford. You look amazing.

-I can't believe how much you've toned up.

-Most of it was just wind.

Wow, Romford! You are really getting hold of your body, now, aren't you?

Oh, yeah! All that training has really improved my coordination.

Mmm. Interesting. Hey, can you do this?

Well, let's have a go. And...

Da-daa, da-da-daa, da-daa, ta-dah.

-Easy!

-Err, how about this?

Shouldn't be a problem.

A-one, two, three! Ooh, ha-cha!

OK! How about this?

Piece of cake.

Da, da, da, a da-da, da da, da da-a-a, da!

Romford! Please will you be my dance partner?

What, me? A dancer? Could it possibly be true?

# When Marimba rhythms start to play

# Dance with me, make me sway

# Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore

# Hold me close, sway me more

# Like a flower bending in the breeze

# Bend with me, sway with ease

# When we dance, you have a way with me

# Stay with me, sway with me. #

Ohhhhh!

I've never felt so free! I was at one with the music.

Especially when we're going to the left!

You really have talent, you know.

And being able to program the moves into your head is very convenient.

This is so much better than blowing things up with Riley.

This could be a new beginning for me.

Oh, my God! The final! High five!

Er, guys, hello? I think I've finished charging now.

Excellent news, Commander.

However, the charging bay is the most secure part of the compound.

Right, yes, OK. Oh! I think there's a wasp in here.

Oh, no! Release him!

OK, OK, OK, stop! I think you've scared it off.

Right, now, what are your prime directives?

BOTH: Protect the commander.

Protect the commander, very good.

Right, now, I'm demoting myself and I'm promoting you all to commander.

-You can't do that.

-Of course I can. I'm the commander.

I can do whatever I want.

Now, I hereby demote myself and promote you.

Er, so who's in command?

You're the commander! You're both the commander!

You're both equally in charge! Now, what are you going to do?

BOTH: Protect the leader.

Exactly, protect the leader. That's very good, Number 42.

-Now, where's the safest place?

-Ooh, I know. The recharging bay.

-The rech...exactly!

-What about the wasp?

Never mind the wasp, forget the wasp. There's no wasp.

The wasp's gone, OK. Now, in you go. Both of you, that's it. And you.

In you go, there you go. Right, I'll be out here, I'll stand guard.

OK, then. Promise you won't go, though?

Of course I won't go. You're in command. I have to do what you say.

I think he's going.

Are you still there?

Course I'm still here.

OK, don't go, though.

Whatever you say. You're in charge.

I thought I was in charge.

-No, he said I was.

-I'm in charge, and I command you to shut up.

Don't you tell me to shut up.

THEY SQUABBLE

Thank you, judges. Now onto our next contestant, would Kiki Nova

and her partner, Romford, please take to the dancefloor?

MUSIC PLAYS

Oooh!

This is the Console. Sentient Force complete. Sgt Riley released.

Oh! Phew!

Wow! What a game!

Ohhh... Eh?

Yeah! Just, er, escaped from behind enemy lines.

Single handedly.

ALL: Shhhhh!

-We're trying to watch.

-What?!

Whoa! Is that Romford?

-Yeah.

-Look at his abs!

I know.

Aww!

I have never felt so alive.

That trophy's as good as ours!

Whoa!

ALL: Ohhhh!

Romford!

Oh, dear. I think his body's hit its use-by date.

ALL: Ohhh!

Oh, there goes my swashbuckling arm.

-What do we do now?

-Keep going, I've still got one arm.

I can finish as long as the legs don't...OH!

ALL: Ohhh!

-We're going to lose points for this!

-Maybe the judges won't notice.

Just dance around me, and I'll click my fingers.

ALL: Oh, no!

Oh, Romford! Look at you.

Don't be sad, Kiki! The light that burns twice as bright

burns half as long, and I have burned so very brightly!

Well, didn't they do...well?

Judges, can we please have your scores?

Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero.

Zero point five! No, sorry, zero!

Yep, cogs, cogs, coggity-cogs.

So don't leave me hanging out to dry like that again!

From now on you listen to everything I say and you obey every order!

Well, maybe not every order but try and do most of them.

-Yeah, all right.

-Oh, and Romford, you're a great dancer.

Kiki, I know we lost, but by making me your partner,

you achieved something much greater than winning some trophy.

You gave me a moment of grace and beauty,

and I will never forget that.

Oh, thanks, Romford.

-And to commemorate it, I've made you a special trophy.

-Ooh!

Thanks Romford, I...ooh, I don't know what to say about that,

-it's...A-A-AGH!

-A-a-agh!

One of the pirate arms is still alive!

# Life's so great in a console space

# Digitally here again

# So much more than a pixel face

# Living in a game Living in a game. #

This is the Console. Please go to the CBBC website,

where the Pixelface games can now be played.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd