Episode 11 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab


Episode 11

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Transcript


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For the last time, it's me, Richard.

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I'm not going to perform my hidden talent to prove it.

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Open the door, lab rat.

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-Open it.

-BUZZER

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Thank you.

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Ah!

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Honestly!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello!

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Yeah.

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Honestly, I really am Richard. And this is my Blast Lab.

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One thing.

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It's supposed to be top secret.

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How did you lot get in here?

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Assuming my lab rat on security bucks his ideas up,

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I shall bring in two teams of science clever clogs

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to compete for awesome prizes. Coming up...

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Because the experiments we do in here are so important,

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I have a team of SAS commandos to guard the lab.

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They're all at choir practice this afternoon.

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But at the last minute I've managed to call in

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a fearsome one-woman fighting force.

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It is my Ninja Nan.

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CHEERING

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Hello, Ninja Nan.

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Thanks for standing in for us.

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Now, she may look fragile,

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but she is a trained ninja.

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See? Nan, if you'd like to take your place in security, please?

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Nan, take your place in security. Thanks.

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Thank you. Away she goes.

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At full speed.

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She is so hard,

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she sleeps on nails, an anvil for a pillow.

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Says it's good for her back.

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Are you settled in yet?

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Are you in security? Oh, she is.

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-Lab rat.

-SMACK!

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She didn't like that. Well, she's settled in...

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She's in her tartan shopping trolley again.

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Thermos flask!

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That'll be tea in there.

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She likes it strong. I mean ninja-strong.

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I once took a sip by accident.

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Couldn't taste anything for a week.

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Now Ninja Nan is settled,

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let's look at who's trying to get in today.

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-Should be a bunch of people.

-CHEERING

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Hold on, hold on.

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Hang on, with the applause and the excitement, yellow people.

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You might not be the Yellow Team. You say you are.

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We need to prove it before you come through.

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I have my security files.

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Your names? So they check off.

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-Saffy!

-Callum!

-Ellie!

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That tallies. Your hidden talent. What is it?

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ALL: Being mad and crazy!

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Yeah!

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THEY SCREAM

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Good grief! It does say, "We're all mad here."

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Fair enough, come through.

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You're cleared!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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You are our Yellow Team.

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Congratulations. Where are you from?

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ALL: Binfield. And we're the...

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-..Mad...

-..Crazy...

-..Things!

-Your own name!

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And it's irrelevant. You are the Yellow Team, OK?!

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But nice to have you here.

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Should be people claiming to be Reds.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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So, you're the Red Team, are you?

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ALL: Yeah.

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Can't take your word for it. I've got to check.

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Your name?

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-Toni.

-Helena.

-Oliver.

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Yes, that's correct.

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Your hidden talent. Oliver?

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I can put my leg behind my head.

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Really?

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He has! Can't deny that!

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I wouldn't, but he has.

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Come on in, through security, into the lab.

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CHEERING

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That proves it. You are our Red Team.

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Where are you from?

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-Wigan!

-And called what?

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-The Winstanley Watts!

-You're wrong.

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You're the Red Team. Be content. Welcome anyway.

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Time to play round one.

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Teams, take you positions, get ready.

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Get settled in and ready.

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I'd like to introduce my assistant.

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All the way from Africa, via my garage, it is Oliver.

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CHEERING

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A crowing achievement, Oliver's Fact Nav,

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containing every fact ever written,

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every one ever thought of.

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Some that no-one would ever want to know.

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But it's not always right.

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Let's see if our teams can sort the facts

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from the fiction.

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Oliver will let you know.

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If it is true, he'll do this.

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CAR HORN

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And if it's false, Oliver will do this.

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FOGHORN

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Simple as that.

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This is your first chance to earn a point in the Blast Lab, OK?

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Reds, you're going first.

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Tell me if it's true or false.

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Here comes your fact.

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The Eurostar - that's a train -

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has the power of 20 Formula One racing cars.

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Have a good chat.

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You never know what you know that'll help.

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True or false?

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-Let me know.

-CHILDREN SHOUT

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OK, a lot... A lot of trues down here.

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One false amongst all the trues.

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You don't think it's got that much power?

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Don't have to go with the audience.

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You really don't. What do you think?

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-We think true.

-True.

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-Final answer?

-Yup.

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It's your first point. Red Team thinks it's true.

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Oliver, is it?

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-CAR HORN

-True!

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CHEERING

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Wow!

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It's not just the power. It's the weight as well.

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The power of 20 Formula One cars,

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but they can weigh 800 tonnes.

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Not as fast as Formula One cars.

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Yellows, time for your science fact. What?!

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We haven't started yet!

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It's a chance for a point. Chance to equalise.

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Due to gravitational effects,

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you weigh slightly less

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when a lump of cheese is held over your head.

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Is that true

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or false?

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Have a chat. Think about this one.

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Audience, true, do we think?

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You weigh less when a lump of cheese is held over your head.

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ALL SHOUT

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OK.

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False round there. A lot of trues through there.

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These guys thinking false.

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Don't just go with them.

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They have been wrong before. What do you think?

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-False.

-Think that's false.

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Oliver, true or false?

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FOGHORN

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CHEERING

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I'm glad, I've got cheese to test it,

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see if you float away. Doesn't work.

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In fact, you do weigh slightly less when the moon is overhead.

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The force of the earth's gravity

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is slightly counteractive - the moon has a gravity of its own.

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Right.

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This question is different.

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I won't ask true or false.

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I'll ask you to give me an answer,

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and write it on the boards.

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It is...quite tricky. You may not know the exact answer.

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I'll give the point to the closest team.

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One all, this is another point.

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What is the speed of the fastest sneeze?

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In miles an hour, the speed of the fastest sneeze.

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Have a chat. Have a think about that one.

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I'll ask the audience.

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I shall take my microphone mud tree.

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Got any ideas? Got a clue? What do we think?

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Whisper, you're next to the Red Team.

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(No idea.) LAUGHTER

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You made me walk all the way over here

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-for you to tell me you've got no idea?

-Yeah.

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You've got a great career

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as a lab rat if you want one!

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Anybody got an idea?!

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Thank you(!) Anybody got an idea?

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What do you think?

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-One mile an hour?

-Ssh, they'll hear!

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-One mile an hour.

-100 miles an hour?

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That's quite a difference between the two.

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I think it's...

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-..maybe 60 miles per hour.

-You really thought about that.

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Is that a speed-limit thing? Any faster, it's too fast?

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You'd get points on your nose!

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Let's see if the teams have answers.

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Yellows, you've got an answer?

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Red Team, answered?

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The point for this

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goes to the team closest to the real answer.

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Let's look at what you got.

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Turn the boards round.

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Yellows say 125 miles an hour.

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Reds say... That's an interesting development!

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That's like a weird mind thing going on in the Blast Lab!

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The only way we can do that is,

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you're both the closest, or you're both the furthest.

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I'm generous.

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You're both the closest. A point each.

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-Congratulations. Well done.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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If you want to know...

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Do you want to know? Good.

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..it's 103.6 miles an hour.

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It was held by Donna Griffiths.

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She sneezed for 978 days in a row.

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You've got two points each

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at the end of that.

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That's all to come. Now, we're going to play Mini Science.

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We'll conduct experiments

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using everyday objects.

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Here is my 65-year-old science teacher!

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She's smart, wise, half my size, Mini Miss!

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-CHEERING

-Hello, Miss.

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-Have you grown since last time?

-Don't make jokes.

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Not becoming of you.

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Sorry! She really is 65!

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I had bother with my time machine, she came out like this.

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-I put in the codes...

-Richard!

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I don't have all day.

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Sorry. What have you got in store for our teams?

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Today we're looking at pressure.

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-Right.

-Each team has got five small pots, filled with

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different liquid.

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They have orange juice, gunge, milk,

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cola, and some of Ninja Nan's tea.

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Each team member has to choose a pot

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to be their rocket.

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That's three rockets per team.

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When they have chosen,

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team members drop a fizzy tablet in

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and put the lid on quickly. Then, they

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place the rocket on the launch pad,

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-stand back, and wait.

-Miss?

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-Hmm?

-I love these rockets.

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Can I try? Just to show how they work.

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You'll use water.

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This isn't unfair,

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you haven't got this liquid. OK, I'll do it.

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Safety goggles on.

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You should know from all those years ago.

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Sorry, Miss.

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I feel safe.

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Right. So,

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when it comes to launch time, you get your rocket like this,

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your pot,

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tablet out. Get the lid ready. Be quick.

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So, I put the tablet in.

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Put the lid on quickly. Stand back.

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-And wait.

-Then we wait.

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Whoa!

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That worked then, Miss!

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OK. It's fairly simple, teams.

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Before you get to that bit, the launch, you've got to decide.

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The team who launches all rockets first will win.

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This is about pressure.

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Yes, Richard. Well done.

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About the pressure that builds up in the pot

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when the reaction happens, when the tablet is dropped in.

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That forces the lids off.

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-If the tablets are all the same...

-Yes.

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..and they can choose different liquids,

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-it's which liquids make that reaction happen first.

-Right.

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Understand?

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-Red Team, do you understand?

-Yep.

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-Yellow?

-Yep.

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I'm going to give you time to chat,

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to decide before we have a launch countdown.

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That some time begins...now.

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Reds, not much chatting going on.

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We've finished.

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-You've finished?

-Yeah.

-How do you know which ones to use?

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-Have you made your mind up?

-Yeah.

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-How are you doing?

-We've decided.

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-You as well?

-Yes.

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You six really are rocket scientists!

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OK, if you've all decided,

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we need to line up our rockets.

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You'll see three launch pads.

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Put one of your liquids on each one.

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Why orange juice?

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-Cos it's acidic.

-Right.

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Orange juice is acidic.

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-So...

-That's alkaline. It reacts.

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It's the reaction.

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So, the most acidic.

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Whose idea was that?

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-Me.

-And me!

-Well, both of ours.

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Right.

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Reds, you've gone for the same.

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Why have you gone for these three?

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When I was having my first tablet for a headache,

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Mum said, "Drink it with cola."

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I put it in the thing.

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There was nothing left of it!

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That's experience.

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Perfectly good in science.

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Why the other two?

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I've chosen gunge because...erm...

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because this is toxic.

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It's an acid, so it'd react.

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-You think it's the acid that it is the key here?

-Yeah.

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We're going to find out if both teams are right.

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Moment of truth. Audience, ready?

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ALL: Yes.

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Make sure there's plenty of room!

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Not really! This is rocket science. We need to be careful.

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I'll put goggles on. I'll be safe even if you're not!

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That's good to know! My safety is everything!

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How are we going to do the countdown?

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OK.

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ALL: Five, four, three,

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two, one, zero, launch!

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Here we go. Standing back, waiting.

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First one to launch.

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Will it be Red? Yellow?

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I can't stand the tension, Miss.

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I can't stand the tension.

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-Sure you'll pull through.

-I don't know!

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Watch those, I'll watch these.

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Ah! First for Yellow!

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It was the coke. The orange juice as well.

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Hang on, is anything happening? Ah!

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Ah! That's...

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In neither cases, the toxic gunge gone.

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Clearly, I think it was too much for the exploding tablets!

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The Yellows' reacted faster, with explosive consequences,

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with the Red rockets going off just moments later.

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The difference in timing was the way the tablet fell.

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It's to do with how much of the surface of the tablet

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can be got at by the liquid.

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That's how quickly the reaction is triggered.

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Yellow Team clearly take the point there. Well done!

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Whoa, there go the Yellows like a mini rocket.

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Course, we're now still all standing in the Blast Lab

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with one unexploded rocket amongst us.

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The power of the pressure on those pot lids was pretty impressive

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I wonder what would happen

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if we made everything about that experiment much bigger.

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So we created our very own bowling alley.

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A 100-metre-long bowling alley.

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My expendable lab rat is now going to demonstrate

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the conventional style of bowling.

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Well, fairly conventional!

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How many skittles will he knock over?

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That was rubbish.

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Instead, let's use a super special Blast Lab cannon.

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A bowling ball is loaded into the cannon

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and sits above a pile of gunpowder.

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When the gunpowder is lit, it burns ridiculously quickly

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producing huge amounts of hot gasses.

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These expanding gasses are trapped by the cannon

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and have nowhere to go except out of the big hole in the end.

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This forces the bowling ball out at insane speeds,

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hopefully towards our carefully-arranged skittles.

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Time for another demonstration,

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with my very own super special Blast Lab cannon.

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Let's see how many skittles it knocks down from just 18 metres.

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Wahey! Strike!

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But how will it perform

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on our super-sized, 100-metre-long bowling alley?

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OK, so, let's stop the film there for a moment.

0:18:200:18:23

I want to ask you a question. He's got three attempts.

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Each time there are 28 skittles.

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So that's 84 skittles in all over the three attempts.

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I want both teams to tell me

0:18:320:18:34

how many skittles they think will get knocked over.

0:18:340:18:38

The team with the nearest answer,

0:18:380:18:41

the ones who get nearest to the real answer,

0:18:410:18:43

will win a point.

0:18:430:18:45

So, out of the 84... Give it some thought.

0:18:450:18:48

-Red Team, what do you reckon?

-65.

0:18:480:18:50

65? 65 from the Reds.

0:18:500:18:53

-Yellows?

-We said that as well.

-No, you didn't!

0:18:530:18:55

-Yes, we did!

-Did you really?

0:18:550:18:57

-Yes.

-Do you want to stick with that?

0:18:570:18:59

-Yes.

-If it's the same answers,

0:18:590:19:01

you can't win get ahead or change the score.

0:19:010:19:03

-OK, 65 it is.

-Oh, that's weird. That's just weird.

0:19:030:19:07

Frankly, I'm scared by what's going on in the Blast Lab.

0:19:070:19:10

Have you lot been conducting an experiment about mind melding?

0:19:100:19:15

They've gone for 65.

0:19:150:19:16

Anybody disagree? Anybody think a different number?

0:19:160:19:19

-What do you think?

-64.

0:19:190:19:21

Oh, come on! Anybody braver than that?

0:19:210:19:23

-Can we change to 66?

-OK, we'll let you change once, to 66.

-Yeah.

0:19:230:19:28

OK. So we're going to go with 65 and 66.

0:19:280:19:31

In other words, if it's more than 66, they win.

0:19:310:19:34

If it's less than 65, you win.

0:19:340:19:36

THEY CONFER IN WHISPERS

0:19:360:19:38

They're sticking with it. They're sticking with it. OK, 65 and 66.

0:19:380:19:42

Only one way to solve this. Watch the film.

0:19:420:19:45

Roll the tape. Let's see.

0:19:450:19:46

Oh, no, that's terrible.

0:19:530:19:55

It did smash into one of the cones.

0:19:550:19:57

But a cone is not technically a skittle and therefore doesn't count.

0:19:570:20:01

So total skittles knocked over after one round? None.

0:20:030:20:06

Argh! How close!

0:20:130:20:16

Hold on, that skittle has fallen over.

0:20:170:20:19

I'm pretty sure the wind caught it, not the ball.

0:20:190:20:22

So, total number of skittles down after round two?

0:20:220:20:26

Still none.

0:20:260:20:28

Time for our final attempt. Here we go.

0:20:310:20:33

No! Unbelievable! It's missed again.

0:20:380:20:40

And so the total number of skittles down, after all three attempts?

0:20:400:20:45

A big, fat zero.

0:20:460:20:48

Oh, dear. So they got none at all

0:20:480:20:50

which means, even though you said 65 -

0:20:500:20:52

which is a long way from none -

0:20:520:20:54

you are closer than the Reds who said 66.

0:20:540:20:57

So, the Yellows take the point.

0:20:570:20:58

Well done, Yellows! Well done.

0:20:580:21:02

And now it's time for both teams to go off and get changed

0:21:020:21:05

into protective suits for The Messy Messy Mess Test.

0:21:050:21:08

BUZZING

0:21:080:21:10

Oh, dear. Is it not working?

0:21:100:21:12

You see? Oh! No, I said it wouldn't.

0:21:120:21:14

The lab rats thought they could power the lab using brain waves.

0:21:140:21:18

But they've attached their machine to a lab rat.

0:21:180:21:21

They don't have any brain waves! Well, not that we'd recognise.

0:21:210:21:24

Told you it wouldn't work. Back to the drawing board for you.

0:21:240:21:27

Now it's The Messy Messy Mess Test.

0:21:270:21:29

Today it's in the nuclear box.

0:21:330:21:35

That's why you need the protective suits.

0:21:350:21:38

Strange thing about the nuclear box.

0:21:380:21:40

Late last night I was in here working on an experiment

0:21:400:21:43

And I heard a sort of strange screeching,

0:21:430:21:46

howling, squelching noise.

0:21:460:21:48

I looked in here. I don't know. I don't think I saw it.

0:21:480:21:52

I saw... It could have been a tail, or pincers. Definitely teeth.

0:21:520:21:56

It's all right. Just don't touch anything that moves...

0:21:560:21:59

..or is perfectly still.

0:21:590:22:01

Right, the game. The idea is to get these pods to the other end.

0:22:010:22:05

These pods contain prizes, each of them. All sorts of things in there.

0:22:050:22:09

Watches, night-vision goggles. All manner of prizes in there for you.

0:22:090:22:13

To get them to the other end you can't just pass them.

0:22:130:22:16

You can't use your hands, because they'd melt off.

0:22:160:22:20

Use these tongs instead. Pass them one to another. Don't drop them.

0:22:200:22:24

If you drop a prize pod, leave it, start with another one.

0:22:240:22:27

The guys on the end have to get them into the basket.

0:22:270:22:30

The team with most prize pods in the baskets at the end will win

0:22:300:22:34

and take the prizes home.

0:22:340:22:36

The losing team has to blow them up.

0:22:360:22:40

That's the game, OK? Now, there are some interesting tactics.

0:22:400:22:43

The Red Team are going with two players.

0:22:430:22:45

They're trying it their way. The Yellow Team are going with three.

0:22:450:22:50

Because the Yellow Team is ahead on points at the moment,

0:22:500:22:54

that means you get to start first.

0:22:540:22:55

So when you hear the first nuclear alert, you start.

0:22:550:23:00

Then the Red Team will hear the second nuclear alert.

0:23:000:23:03

Then you start.

0:23:030:23:05

Well, you have some time to do this. That time starts now!

0:23:050:23:08

NUCLEAR ALERT SOUNDS

0:23:080:23:09

So, away we go. And the Yellows are off and running.

0:23:100:23:13

NUCLEAR ALERT SOUNDS

0:23:140:23:16

There's the siren for the Reds.

0:23:160:23:17

It'll be interesting to see

0:23:170:23:19

if their tactic of only using two players works.

0:23:190:23:22

The Yellow Team could have done the same but they decided against it.

0:23:220:23:26

Looks like it is! The Reds bag their second pod.

0:23:260:23:29

I've given this some thought.

0:23:320:23:33

I think playing with only two members,

0:23:330:23:36

the Red Team are at a massive advantage

0:23:360:23:39

because it's all about passing pods one to another.

0:23:390:23:42

That's where you lose the time, drop them and have to start again.

0:23:420:23:46

Clever. Very clever of the Red Team.

0:23:460:23:49

Look at that! The Reds have five pods,

0:23:490:23:51

with the Yellows still struggling to get their first.

0:23:510:23:54

Reds get another as the Yellows, let's be honest,

0:23:560:23:59

are making a complete hash of it.

0:23:590:24:02

SIREN SOUNDS

0:24:040:24:06

That is it. Time is up. We have to stop there.

0:24:080:24:11

It won't be difficult to count the pods and see who's won.

0:24:110:24:14

My lab rats do that for me

0:24:140:24:16

because their paws are immune to whatever is in there.

0:24:160:24:19

OK, lab rat, the Yellow Team have got how many pods?

0:24:190:24:24

None at all. It's not easy this, is it? It's very difficult.

0:24:240:24:28

The Red Team, with their unique tactics, have got... Lab rat?

0:24:280:24:34

Seven pods! That means the Red Team are the winners.

0:24:340:24:38

And so, Red Team, we'll now find out exactly what you have won.

0:24:430:24:46

I need the help of my specially-trained assistant,

0:24:460:24:49

Ninja Nan!

0:24:490:24:51

She has the prizes here to model for you.

0:24:520:24:55

You'll be taking home a Blood, Bones And Body Bits Kit.

0:24:550:24:58

CHEERING

0:24:580:25:00

Blast Lab goody bag!

0:25:000:25:03

An MP3 multimedia player.

0:25:030:25:05

CHEERING

0:25:050:25:07

Test tube seahorse.

0:25:070:25:08

CHEERING

0:25:080:25:10

A growing lab.

0:25:100:25:12

CHEERING

0:25:120:25:13

A chemistry set.

0:25:130:25:16

CHEERING

0:25:160:25:18

An Electro Magic Kit.

0:25:180:25:20

CHEERING

0:25:200:25:21

That's seven prizes. They'll take them home with them.

0:25:210:25:24

Yellows, that was a brave effort.

0:25:270:25:29

But there's nothing in here. Now, this is both good news and bad news.

0:25:290:25:34

The good news is it doesn't matter

0:25:340:25:36

because you still get a Blast Lab goody bag each. Yeah!

0:25:360:25:40

The less good new is, because you lost, you've got to blow it up.

0:25:400:25:44

Sorry, that's what happens next. It's time for Bidet Goes Bang.

0:25:440:25:48

Well, this is it, Yellow Team. How are you feeling?

0:25:570:25:59

-OK.

-We've had a good day.

-Oh, good.

0:25:590:26:02

But resigned to the fact that... What went wrong in the game?

0:26:020:26:06

Well, Saffy, at the beginning, she grabbed it a bit too far.

0:26:060:26:12

Eventually when I got one, I think I grabbed it too far, as well.

0:26:120:26:16

It's so hard, isn't it, getting a grip on those pods?

0:26:160:26:19

Well, the good news is

0:26:190:26:21

your goody bags are over there, ready to be blown up.

0:26:210:26:25

So, there's no putting this off any longer, really.

0:26:250:26:28

Some of us are destined to be winners.

0:26:280:26:30

Some of us are destined to have our hard-earned prizes blown up

0:26:300:26:33

in an exploding bidet, and that's you guys.

0:26:330:26:36

-Your prizes are already in position. But who's doing it?

-All of us.

0:26:360:26:40

All together? You see, you came here as a team,

0:26:400:26:43

you fought as a team, now you blow up your prizes as a team!

0:26:430:26:46

Lift the plunger for us, please.

0:26:460:26:48

Don't push it before the countdown.

0:26:480:26:50

Are we ready?

0:26:500:26:51

Five, four, three, two, one. Go!

0:26:510:26:57

That's it, it's all done. That's all we've got time for.

0:27:020:27:05

We've seen how things behave under pressure,

0:27:050:27:08

like fizzy tablets in a plastic pot and bowling balls in a cannon.

0:27:080:27:12

Now I'm about to put pressure on something else, my useless lab rats.

0:27:120:27:16

They'd better tidy this up and fast.

0:27:160:27:18

See you next time!

0:27:180:27:19

Blast Lab was recorded in front of a live studio audience.

0:27:240:27:28

Probably no lab rats were hurt too badly during filming.

0:27:280:27:31

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:410:27:43

E-mail [email protected]

0:27:430:27:45

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