Episode 11 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab

For the last time, it's me, Richard.

I'm not going to perform my hidden talent to prove it.

Open the door, lab rat.

-Open it.

-BUZZER

Thank you.

Ah!

Honestly!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello!

Yeah.

Honestly, I really am Richard. And this is my Blast Lab.

One thing.

It's supposed to be top secret.

How did you lot get in here?

Assuming my lab rat on security bucks his ideas up,

I shall bring in two teams of science clever clogs

to compete for awesome prizes. Coming up...

Because the experiments we do in here are so important,

I have a team of SAS commandos to guard the lab.

They're all at choir practice this afternoon.

But at the last minute I've managed to call in

a fearsome one-woman fighting force.

It is my Ninja Nan.

CHEERING

Hello, Ninja Nan.

Thanks for standing in for us.

Now, she may look fragile,

but she is a trained ninja.

See? Nan, if you'd like to take your place in security, please?

Nan, take your place in security. Thanks.

Thank you. Away she goes.

At full speed.

She is so hard,

she sleeps on nails, an anvil for a pillow.

Says it's good for her back.

Are you settled in yet?

Are you in security? Oh, she is.

-Lab rat.

-SMACK!

She didn't like that. Well, she's settled in...

She's in her tartan shopping trolley again.

Thermos flask!

That'll be tea in there.

She likes it strong. I mean ninja-strong.

I once took a sip by accident.

Couldn't taste anything for a week.

Now Ninja Nan is settled,

let's look at who's trying to get in today.

-Should be a bunch of people.

-CHEERING

Hold on, hold on.

Hang on, with the applause and the excitement, yellow people.

You might not be the Yellow Team. You say you are.

We need to prove it before you come through.

I have my security files.

Your names? So they check off.

-Saffy!

-Callum!

-Ellie!

That tallies. Your hidden talent. What is it?

ALL: Being mad and crazy!

Yeah!

THEY SCREAM

Good grief! It does say, "We're all mad here."

Fair enough, come through.

You're cleared!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You are our Yellow Team.

Congratulations. Where are you from?

ALL: Binfield. And we're the...

-..Mad...

-..Crazy...

-..Things!

-Your own name!

And it's irrelevant. You are the Yellow Team, OK?!

But nice to have you here.

Should be people claiming to be Reds.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So, you're the Red Team, are you?

ALL: Yeah.

Can't take your word for it. I've got to check.

Your name?

-Toni.

-Helena.

-Oliver.

Yes, that's correct.

Your hidden talent. Oliver?

I can put my leg behind my head.

Really?

He has! Can't deny that!

I wouldn't, but he has.

Come on in, through security, into the lab.

CHEERING

That proves it. You are our Red Team.

Where are you from?

-Wigan!

-And called what?

-The Winstanley Watts!

-You're wrong.

You're the Red Team. Be content. Welcome anyway.

Time to play round one.

Teams, take you positions, get ready.

Get settled in and ready.

I'd like to introduce my assistant.

All the way from Africa, via my garage, it is Oliver.

CHEERING

A crowing achievement, Oliver's Fact Nav,

containing every fact ever written,

every one ever thought of.

Some that no-one would ever want to know.

But it's not always right.

Let's see if our teams can sort the facts

from the fiction.

Oliver will let you know.

If it is true, he'll do this.

CAR HORN

And if it's false, Oliver will do this.

FOGHORN

Simple as that.

This is your first chance to earn a point in the Blast Lab, OK?

Reds, you're going first.

Tell me if it's true or false.

Here comes your fact.

The Eurostar - that's a train -

has the power of 20 Formula One racing cars.

Have a good chat.

You never know what you know that'll help.

True or false?

-Let me know.

-CHILDREN SHOUT

OK, a lot... A lot of trues down here.

One false amongst all the trues.

You don't think it's got that much power?

Don't have to go with the audience.

You really don't. What do you think?

-We think true.

-True.

-Final answer?

-Yup.

It's your first point. Red Team thinks it's true.

Oliver, is it?

-CAR HORN

-True!

CHEERING

Wow!

It's not just the power. It's the weight as well.

The power of 20 Formula One cars,

but they can weigh 800 tonnes.

Not as fast as Formula One cars.

Yellows, time for your science fact. What?!

We haven't started yet!

It's a chance for a point. Chance to equalise.

Due to gravitational effects,

you weigh slightly less

when a lump of cheese is held over your head.

Is that true

or false?

Have a chat. Think about this one.

Audience, true, do we think?

You weigh less when a lump of cheese is held over your head.

ALL SHOUT

OK.

False round there. A lot of trues through there.

These guys thinking false.

Don't just go with them.

They have been wrong before. What do you think?

-False.

-Think that's false.

Oliver, true or false?

FOGHORN

CHEERING

I'm glad, I've got cheese to test it,

see if you float away. Doesn't work.

In fact, you do weigh slightly less when the moon is overhead.

The force of the earth's gravity

is slightly counteractive - the moon has a gravity of its own.

Right.

This question is different.

I won't ask true or false.

I'll ask you to give me an answer,

and write it on the boards.

It is...quite tricky. You may not know the exact answer.

I'll give the point to the closest team.

One all, this is another point.

What is the speed of the fastest sneeze?

In miles an hour, the speed of the fastest sneeze.

Have a chat. Have a think about that one.

I'll ask the audience.

I shall take my microphone mud tree.

Got any ideas? Got a clue? What do we think?

Whisper, you're next to the Red Team.

(No idea.) LAUGHTER

You made me walk all the way over here

-for you to tell me you've got no idea?

-Yeah.

You've got a great career

as a lab rat if you want one!

Anybody got an idea?!

Thank you(!) Anybody got an idea?

What do you think?

-One mile an hour?

-Ssh, they'll hear!

-One mile an hour.

-100 miles an hour?

That's quite a difference between the two.

I think it's...

-..maybe 60 miles per hour.

-You really thought about that.

Is that a speed-limit thing? Any faster, it's too fast?

You'd get points on your nose!

Let's see if the teams have answers.

Yellows, you've got an answer?

Red Team, answered?

The point for this

goes to the team closest to the real answer.

Let's look at what you got.

Turn the boards round.

Yellows say 125 miles an hour.

Reds say... That's an interesting development!

That's like a weird mind thing going on in the Blast Lab!

The only way we can do that is,

you're both the closest, or you're both the furthest.

I'm generous.

You're both the closest. A point each.

-Congratulations. Well done.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

If you want to know...

Do you want to know? Good.

..it's 103.6 miles an hour.

It was held by Donna Griffiths.

She sneezed for 978 days in a row.

You've got two points each

at the end of that.

That's all to come. Now, we're going to play Mini Science.

We'll conduct experiments

using everyday objects.

Here is my 65-year-old science teacher!

She's smart, wise, half my size, Mini Miss!

-CHEERING

-Hello, Miss.

-Have you grown since last time?

-Don't make jokes.

Not becoming of you.

Sorry! She really is 65!

I had bother with my time machine, she came out like this.

-I put in the codes...

-Richard!

I don't have all day.

Sorry. What have you got in store for our teams?

Today we're looking at pressure.

-Right.

-Each team has got five small pots, filled with

different liquid.

They have orange juice, gunge, milk,

cola, and some of Ninja Nan's tea.

Each team member has to choose a pot

to be their rocket.

That's three rockets per team.

When they have chosen,

team members drop a fizzy tablet in

and put the lid on quickly. Then, they

place the rocket on the launch pad,

-stand back, and wait.

-Miss?

-Hmm?

-I love these rockets.

Can I try? Just to show how they work.

You'll use water.

This isn't unfair,

you haven't got this liquid. OK, I'll do it.

Safety goggles on.

You should know from all those years ago.

Sorry, Miss.

I feel safe.

Right. So,

when it comes to launch time, you get your rocket like this,

your pot,

tablet out. Get the lid ready. Be quick.

So, I put the tablet in.

Put the lid on quickly. Stand back.

-And wait.

-Then we wait.

Whoa!

That worked then, Miss!

OK. It's fairly simple, teams.

Before you get to that bit, the launch, you've got to decide.

The team who launches all rockets first will win.

This is about pressure.

Yes, Richard. Well done.

About the pressure that builds up in the pot

when the reaction happens, when the tablet is dropped in.

That forces the lids off.

-If the tablets are all the same...

-Yes.

..and they can choose different liquids,

-it's which liquids make that reaction happen first.

-Right.

Understand?

-Red Team, do you understand?

-Yep.

-Yellow?

-Yep.

I'm going to give you time to chat,

to decide before we have a launch countdown.

That some time begins...now.

Reds, not much chatting going on.

We've finished.

-You've finished?

-Yeah.

-How do you know which ones to use?

-Have you made your mind up?

-Yeah.

-How are you doing?

-We've decided.

-You as well?

-Yes.

You six really are rocket scientists!

OK, if you've all decided,

we need to line up our rockets.

You'll see three launch pads.

Put one of your liquids on each one.

Why orange juice?

-Cos it's acidic.

-Right.

Orange juice is acidic.

-So...

-That's alkaline. It reacts.

It's the reaction.

So, the most acidic.

Whose idea was that?

-Me.

-And me!

-Well, both of ours.

Right.

Reds, you've gone for the same.

Why have you gone for these three?

When I was having my first tablet for a headache,

Mum said, "Drink it with cola."

I put it in the thing.

There was nothing left of it!

That's experience.

Perfectly good in science.

Why the other two?

I've chosen gunge because...erm...

because this is toxic.

It's an acid, so it'd react.

-You think it's the acid that it is the key here?

-Yeah.

We're going to find out if both teams are right.

Moment of truth. Audience, ready?

ALL: Yes.

Make sure there's plenty of room!

Not really! This is rocket science. We need to be careful.

I'll put goggles on. I'll be safe even if you're not!

That's good to know! My safety is everything!

How are we going to do the countdown?

OK.

ALL: Five, four, three,

two, one, zero, launch!

Here we go. Standing back, waiting.

First one to launch.

Will it be Red? Yellow?

I can't stand the tension, Miss.

I can't stand the tension.

-Sure you'll pull through.

-I don't know!

Watch those, I'll watch these.

Ah! First for Yellow!

It was the coke. The orange juice as well.

Hang on, is anything happening? Ah!

Ah! That's...

In neither cases, the toxic gunge gone.

Clearly, I think it was too much for the exploding tablets!

The Yellows' reacted faster, with explosive consequences,

with the Red rockets going off just moments later.

The difference in timing was the way the tablet fell.

It's to do with how much of the surface of the tablet

can be got at by the liquid.

That's how quickly the reaction is triggered.

Yellow Team clearly take the point there. Well done!

Whoa, there go the Yellows like a mini rocket.

Course, we're now still all standing in the Blast Lab

with one unexploded rocket amongst us.

The power of the pressure on those pot lids was pretty impressive

I wonder what would happen

if we made everything about that experiment much bigger.

So we created our very own bowling alley.

A 100-metre-long bowling alley.

My expendable lab rat is now going to demonstrate

the conventional style of bowling.

Well, fairly conventional!

How many skittles will he knock over?

That was rubbish.

Instead, let's use a super special Blast Lab cannon.

A bowling ball is loaded into the cannon

and sits above a pile of gunpowder.

When the gunpowder is lit, it burns ridiculously quickly

producing huge amounts of hot gasses.

These expanding gasses are trapped by the cannon

and have nowhere to go except out of the big hole in the end.

This forces the bowling ball out at insane speeds,

hopefully towards our carefully-arranged skittles.

Time for another demonstration,

with my very own super special Blast Lab cannon.

Let's see how many skittles it knocks down from just 18 metres.

Wahey! Strike!

But how will it perform

on our super-sized, 100-metre-long bowling alley?

OK, so, let's stop the film there for a moment.

I want to ask you a question. He's got three attempts.

Each time there are 28 skittles.

So that's 84 skittles in all over the three attempts.

I want both teams to tell me

how many skittles they think will get knocked over.

The team with the nearest answer,

the ones who get nearest to the real answer,

will win a point.

So, out of the 84... Give it some thought.

-Red Team, what do you reckon?

-65.

65? 65 from the Reds.

-Yellows?

-We said that as well.

-No, you didn't!

-Yes, we did!

-Did you really?

-Yes.

-Do you want to stick with that?

-Yes.

-If it's the same answers,

you can't win get ahead or change the score.

-OK, 65 it is.

-Oh, that's weird. That's just weird.

Frankly, I'm scared by what's going on in the Blast Lab.

Have you lot been conducting an experiment about mind melding?

They've gone for 65.

Anybody disagree? Anybody think a different number?

-What do you think?

-64.

Oh, come on! Anybody braver than that?

-Can we change to 66?

-OK, we'll let you change once, to 66.

-Yeah.

OK. So we're going to go with 65 and 66.

In other words, if it's more than 66, they win.

If it's less than 65, you win.

THEY CONFER IN WHISPERS

They're sticking with it. They're sticking with it. OK, 65 and 66.

Only one way to solve this. Watch the film.

Roll the tape. Let's see.

Oh, no, that's terrible.

It did smash into one of the cones.

But a cone is not technically a skittle and therefore doesn't count.

So total skittles knocked over after one round? None.

Argh! How close!

Hold on, that skittle has fallen over.

I'm pretty sure the wind caught it, not the ball.

So, total number of skittles down after round two?

Still none.

Time for our final attempt. Here we go.

No! Unbelievable! It's missed again.

And so the total number of skittles down, after all three attempts?

A big, fat zero.

Oh, dear. So they got none at all

which means, even though you said 65 -

which is a long way from none -

you are closer than the Reds who said 66.

So, the Yellows take the point.

Well done, Yellows! Well done.

And now it's time for both teams to go off and get changed

into protective suits for The Messy Messy Mess Test.

BUZZING

Oh, dear. Is it not working?

You see? Oh! No, I said it wouldn't.

The lab rats thought they could power the lab using brain waves.

But they've attached their machine to a lab rat.

They don't have any brain waves! Well, not that we'd recognise.

Told you it wouldn't work. Back to the drawing board for you.

Now it's The Messy Messy Mess Test.

Today it's in the nuclear box.

That's why you need the protective suits.

Strange thing about the nuclear box.

Late last night I was in here working on an experiment

And I heard a sort of strange screeching,

howling, squelching noise.

I looked in here. I don't know. I don't think I saw it.

I saw... It could have been a tail, or pincers. Definitely teeth.

It's all right. Just don't touch anything that moves...

..or is perfectly still.

Right, the game. The idea is to get these pods to the other end.

These pods contain prizes, each of them. All sorts of things in there.

Watches, night-vision goggles. All manner of prizes in there for you.

To get them to the other end you can't just pass them.

You can't use your hands, because they'd melt off.

Use these tongs instead. Pass them one to another. Don't drop them.

If you drop a prize pod, leave it, start with another one.

The guys on the end have to get them into the basket.

The team with most prize pods in the baskets at the end will win

and take the prizes home.

The losing team has to blow them up.

That's the game, OK? Now, there are some interesting tactics.

The Red Team are going with two players.

They're trying it their way. The Yellow Team are going with three.

Because the Yellow Team is ahead on points at the moment,

that means you get to start first.

So when you hear the first nuclear alert, you start.

Then the Red Team will hear the second nuclear alert.

Then you start.

Well, you have some time to do this. That time starts now!

NUCLEAR ALERT SOUNDS

So, away we go. And the Yellows are off and running.

NUCLEAR ALERT SOUNDS

There's the siren for the Reds.

It'll be interesting to see

if their tactic of only using two players works.

The Yellow Team could have done the same but they decided against it.

Looks like it is! The Reds bag their second pod.

I've given this some thought.

I think playing with only two members,

the Red Team are at a massive advantage

because it's all about passing pods one to another.

That's where you lose the time, drop them and have to start again.

Clever. Very clever of the Red Team.

Look at that! The Reds have five pods,

with the Yellows still struggling to get their first.

Reds get another as the Yellows, let's be honest,

are making a complete hash of it.

SIREN SOUNDS

That is it. Time is up. We have to stop there.

It won't be difficult to count the pods and see who's won.

My lab rats do that for me

because their paws are immune to whatever is in there.

OK, lab rat, the Yellow Team have got how many pods?

None at all. It's not easy this, is it? It's very difficult.

The Red Team, with their unique tactics, have got... Lab rat?

Seven pods! That means the Red Team are the winners.

And so, Red Team, we'll now find out exactly what you have won.

I need the help of my specially-trained assistant,

Ninja Nan!

She has the prizes here to model for you.

You'll be taking home a Blood, Bones And Body Bits Kit.

CHEERING

Blast Lab goody bag!

An MP3 multimedia player.

CHEERING

Test tube seahorse.

CHEERING

A growing lab.

CHEERING

A chemistry set.

CHEERING

An Electro Magic Kit.

CHEERING

That's seven prizes. They'll take them home with them.

Yellows, that was a brave effort.

But there's nothing in here. Now, this is both good news and bad news.

The good news is it doesn't matter

because you still get a Blast Lab goody bag each. Yeah!

The less good new is, because you lost, you've got to blow it up.

Sorry, that's what happens next. It's time for Bidet Goes Bang.

Well, this is it, Yellow Team. How are you feeling?

-OK.

-We've had a good day.

-Oh, good.

But resigned to the fact that... What went wrong in the game?

Well, Saffy, at the beginning, she grabbed it a bit too far.

Eventually when I got one, I think I grabbed it too far, as well.

It's so hard, isn't it, getting a grip on those pods?

Well, the good news is

your goody bags are over there, ready to be blown up.

So, there's no putting this off any longer, really.

Some of us are destined to be winners.

Some of us are destined to have our hard-earned prizes blown up

in an exploding bidet, and that's you guys.

-Your prizes are already in position. But who's doing it?

-All of us.

All together? You see, you came here as a team,

you fought as a team, now you blow up your prizes as a team!

Lift the plunger for us, please.

Don't push it before the countdown.

Are we ready?

Five, four, three, two, one. Go!

That's it, it's all done. That's all we've got time for.

We've seen how things behave under pressure,

like fizzy tablets in a plastic pot and bowling balls in a cannon.

Now I'm about to put pressure on something else, my useless lab rats.

They'd better tidy this up and fast.

See you next time!

Blast Lab was recorded in front of a live studio audience.

Probably no lab rats were hurt too badly during filming.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]