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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, I'm Richard.
Welcome to my top-secret underground laboratory
where I do all my top-secret science.
Nice to see you.
Just one thing, though. I know this is my lab,
but please don't call me a mad professor.
It's not fair, cos technically I'm not a professor,
so you can't say it.
I should warn you, though, this lab is full
of some pretty strange sounds and unusual smells...
not all of them from this lot! But it's lovely to see you.
Welcome to the lab.
Very shortly, you'll be meeting two teams
who think they can push the boundaries of science's envelope,
to look at them, you'd think they'd have trouble opening an envelope.
They'll be competing in scientific games
and attempting to win prizes, so let's see what's in store today.
Now, the work that goes on in this lab,
everything that happens here is incredibly important.
So important, in fact, that I have my own
round-the-clock, 24-hour SAS protection team.
Yeah, to look after me. Unfortunately, though,
one of the SAS guys nicked his thumb on a tin of beans last night.
It was really sore, so all the other guys have gone round to his house
to comfort him, so they're not here.
Instead, though, I've had to enlist the help of someone very special
to ensure our round-the-clock safety - my nan.
Don't mess with her, though, because she's a Ninja!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thanks for standing in.
I know she may look frail,
but actually she's a fully-trained Ninja.
OK, OK, Nan. Calm down. Nan, if you'd like to take your place.
Nan? NAN! Thank you.
If you'd like to take your place in the security office, thank you.
It's best not to move too suddenly. She'll tear you apart.
Honestly, I once saw her go off for a gentle jog
and she set off a speed camera. Oh, yeah.
You should see her house. It's spotless.
There's no mess, no bugs. She doesn't even use fly spray.
She's so quick, she catches them with chopsticks, like that. Deadly.
Oh, yeah. She's nearly there.
Nan, are you settled in yet?
Have you taken a seat?
No, no, no! Listen.
You don't clap a fully-trained Ninja
just for sitting down on an office chair, all right? She's serious.
Let's have a look at who's trying to get into my lab today.
Somewhere, there should be some people
who claim to be the Yellow Team.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, so-called Yellow Team.
I've got some facts here in my security file
just to check you out before we let you in the lab.
Can't let just anybody in here, OK? So identify yourselves, please.
Leanna, Darcy and Daisy. Yeah, that checks out.
It says, "The hidden talent in your team
is that one of you can do Irish dancing." Who can do that?
-Leanna, you'll have to do that
to prove that you are who you say you are.
Well, yeah, I'd say that was Irish dancing.
I'm no expert but that...
Was that Irish dancing? Yeah, that was Irish dancing.
That proves that you're the Yellow Team.
Come into the lab, please. You're through security.
Hello, Yellow Team. Lovely to see you all.
Where are you all from, by the way?
ALL: Hertfordshire! And we're the Smarty Pants!
You've given yourselves a name?
-Wrong. You're the Yellow Team OK,
but welcome to the laboratory. Don't touch anything.
Stay there, because we've got to meet your opponents.
Somewhere, a bunch of people
who think they're the Red Team. Where are you?
The same for you guys. Before I can let you past
Ninja Nan on security, I've got to check you are who you say you are.
-What are your names?
Joe, Max and Daniel. That checks out. Hidden talent.
In my security file, it says, Max - if you are Max -
you can touch your nose with your tongue.
Go on, then.
Oh, you can. You did. Give him a round of applause.
You are the Red Team. Come on in.
OK, that is you. You are through security.
Where are you all from?
-We're from Oxfordshire...
-No, you're not.
You're the Red Team, and that's final. Welcome to the laboratory.
Great to have you here. I think it's time to play Round One so,
teams, take your positions, please.
And while they do that, I've got a very special assistant to help me.
He is Oliver.
We've been across Africa together
and now he is here with us in the laboratory.
He's been given a make-over specially for his new job,
and I've actually fitted him
with an artificially intelligent computer system.
Actually, Oliver is very environmentally-friendly.
He runs on nothing but Girls Aloud CDs,
making the world a better place for everyone by using them up!
Now, I've fitted Oliver with a state-of-the-art Fact Nav system
which contains all the scientific facts in the universe.
All the facts are absolutely right, apart from all the ones that aren't.
Thankfully, Oliver's pretty brainy himself
and knows which ones are right,
which ones are true and which ones are false.
But it's up to the teams to decide first
so, if it's true, teams, Oliver will do this.
CAR HORN BLARES
And if it's false, Oliver will let you know by doing this.
FOG HORN BLARES
We get the message. Let's get on with the first round, then.
Are we ready?
This is your first chance to earn some points, OK?
Your first chance to earn some points here. Red Team, you go first.
Your question is this.
Hawaii is moving towards Japan at 7cm every year.
Is that true or is that false?
Talk amongst yourselves, give it some thought.
Audience, what do we think?
All these light-flashing signs.
You think... Nearly everybody... Just one there thinks it's false.
Why do you think it's false and everyone else doesn't?
-I don't know.
-You don't know. Right, fine. You made it up.
Everybody there thinks it's true.
There's a few there think it's false.
Red Team, have you conferred?
-Do you think it's true or false?
-Oliver, is it true or false?
CAR HORN BLARES
Wey-hey, well done!
Your first chance to get some points and you got them.
Well done, guys. Right, Yellow Team, let's move over to you.
These are you first points at stake.
Your question is this -
most diamonds are over three billion years old.
Is it true or is it false?
You can confer. Have a chat.
Audience is straight away thinking...true. Yeah?
Couple of falses. Let's find out what the Yellow Team thinks.
Have you made up your minds?
-And what did you all agree?
We think it's true.
You think that it's true that most diamonds
are over three billion years old?
Oliver, is it true or false?
CAR HORN BLARES
It's true! Well done, Yellow Team.
So we've got one point a piece. This, then, is your final question.
This is different because this one needs an answer.
Not just true or false.
Write it down on the pads in front of you,
and the team that gets nearest to the correct answer
will win this round,
because you might find it's difficult to be completely accurate.
How many parts are there in a Boeing 747-400? That's an aeroplane.
You're looking vague.
It's a Boeing 747-400.
How many parts are there in it?
OK, if I can ask both teams -
how many parts are there in a Boeing 747-400?
Show me your answers, please, Red and Yellow teams. Let's have a look.
We've got, from the Red Team, 2 million? 2 million parts.
That would take a lot of building.
-Have you elected a leader of your team yet?
-And which one of you is it?
Yeah. And...are you confident in your team's answer?
-No, not really.
So, that was like wings, wheels...
Well, the correct answer is...
You couldn't have been much further out there. I'm terribly sorry.
So that means, for the Red Team,
that's another point to you. Well done.
So...the points now stand at...
128! What were you thinking?!
You couldn't build those stairs out of 128 parts!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That's to come, but now it's time for Mini Science.
Now, this the round where our contestants must conduct
a scientific experiment using ordinary household objects.
And to help me is my old science teacher, Mini Miss!
I should point out that Mini Miss is 65 years old.
Looking good for your age, Miss.
Thank you, Richard.
I know you're thinking she looks like a ten-year-old.
That's because she is... NOW.
You see, I wanted to bring back the teacher I knew as a child,
so I invented a time machine which was great,
but unfortunately it didn't work quite as planned,
and Miss has come back a little younger.
But you still know what you're talking about, don't you, Miss?
Of course I do, Richard. I'm a professor in nuclear physics
and I've been teaching for over 40 years.
See? So what have you got for us this week?
Well, today's teams are going to be playing Mug Man,
and all you need is a plastic beaker, a postcard and some water.
Mug Man? What do you do with these things?
Well, place the postcard over the beaker, shiny side down.
Now, turn the beaker upside down,
still holding the bottom of it
-and the postcard flat against the beaker.
Now, carefully remove your hand from underneath the postcard and,
hey presto, the postcard should stay put.
That's not glue, that's just water in there! Yeah!
Miss, has that got anything to do with air pressure?
Correct, Richard. You WERE listening.
All those years ago, I paid attention.
That's because - now, let's think about this -
air is actually heavier stuff than we think it is,
and it's pushing down.
It exerts a force in all directions and, in this case,
when it's upside down against the card like that,
the air can't put its pressure on top of the card
because the cup's in the way,
so the air pressure is actually pushing up on it as well,
and that's holding it in place.
-So I was right.
See, teams. Simple enough. Or is it?
Can I ask a question, though, Miss?
-Where did you get that water from?
From the pipe over there.
Do you know where that pipe goes?
Put it this way. I don't know about Mug Man.
-It maybe should be Wee Male.
Anyway, once you've assembled your Wee Male, it doesn't stop there,
you've then got to deliver it, and you have to do that
across this handy obstacle course that you might have noticed.
So you set off, carry your Wee Male very carefully
across the Bridge of Destiny, staying on this side.
Don't fall in the nuclear tank. It's terrible. Down the stairs.
Very difficult here.
If the card falls off, you don't just run straight back.
You've got to finish the course and then set off back.
By now, the next team player will be getting theirs
set up and ready to go. You duck under here, over here.
This is when I tried to re-invent the bicycle.
It didn't work. Then the Stepping Stones of Science.
Pick your own route, but just be quick. That's the main thing.
Get to the end. This is the tricky bit.
You take the card off, the water falls in there.
Keep hold of the beaker.
You deliver your card, Yellow Team in the yellow post-box,
Red Team in the red one, obviously.
Then you've gotta get back, so back through here,
being careful not to mess up anybody coming the other way,
over the Bridge of Destiny. Dash, dash, dash, keeping the glass.
Now it's time for the next person to go, but you don't just set off.
This is a relay race, so I put my glass down
and you have to high-five before you leave.
Well hold your hand up, then, Max.
There you go. Now you can set off and it's your turn. OK?
Good luck, teams.
You've got Some Time to do this. Just SOME time. And it starts...
Both teams carefully taking their Some Time to prepare their Wee Male.
And the Reds take the early lead,
while the Yellows take a more tentative approach.
The Red Team tackle the limbo pole with ease,
and the Yellows? Ah...
Red Team going very well there.
Bit of a disaster for the Yellows, breaking my obstacle course!
I built that!
This is where it went wrong last time for Yellow, but they're...
Oh, it's gone wrong again. That's what happened there.
OK, they're through, they're through.
Now the delivery.
I think we'll allow that for Yellow,
even though they wrecked my obstacle course!
Right now, it's 2-1 to the Reds.
Puts the Reds in front.
They've wrecked the course again!
You can see the science helping them across,
the air pressure holding the card up, pressing it in place.
There's no glue. It's just air pressure.
Air actually exerts pressure as it has weight.
Above our heads are miles of air
which are pushing down on our heads,
and the air pressure on your body is...
Well, it's the equivalent of two elephants sitting on you.
Luckily, the inside of your body has pressure in it and pushes outwards
with the same force so you don't get squished.
Maybe my body doesn't have enough pressure in it.
That's why I'm short.
Well done, Yellow.
That's another one.
They're beating the Reds.
Time is up, time is up, time is up.
Sorry, Yellow, time is up.
Sorry, Yellow, that's it, time is up.
Right, it's time for the big toss-up. Let's have a look.
First of all, the Yellow Team
successfully delivered three postcards, OK?
Red Team - now, they're currently ahead
two points to one for the Yellows,
so let's see if this equalises it or puts them in the lead.
We've got one, two, three, four for the Reds!
Well done, Reds!
If you think about it, all that we've just seen,
all that running around on our obstacle course,
relied on air pressure to hold that postcard on, cos it wasn't glue.
That was just the air pressure pushing up.
So air pressure's stronger than perhaps we thought,
but how much stronger?
Today, at our top-secret test facility,
one of my loyal lab rats will perform a breathtaking experiment.
He's going to crush a can
using only the pressure of the air that we breathe.
Take one small metal oil can,
a gas burner,
a bottle of water,
and some matches.
Now, I know that you would never use matches, but don't worry.
This lab rat has been specially trained by me.
Then part-fill the can with water.
Bring to the boil over a moderate heat,
remove from the flame,
fasten the lid and allow to cool for a few moments.
Bob's your uncle. One crushed can.
This works because the water vapour from the boiling water
pushes air out of the can.
When the lid is replaced and the can cools,
the water vapour turns back into water,
leaving a partial vacuum where the air and gas had been.
This means there's now extremely low pressure inside the can,
so the higher pressure of the air outside crushes it.
The experiment worked fine on a flimsy tin can,
but will the same thing happen to a steel barrel?
They seem pretty tough.
We're going to fill one barrel with more water than the other
to see if it makes any difference.
Obviously, with my lab rats being both stupid and expendable,
it's OK for them to do this sort of thing.
I know you would never do anything as idiotic as this.
Now we just have to wait for them to cool down.
OK. Now, I hope everybody's been watching carefully
because there's an extra point here, Yellow, Red teams.
Which barrel do you think will crush first,
or do you think neither will crush?
So give me your answers, team. Yellows, what do you reckon?
-The girl will go.
-You reckon the girl's barrel will go first.
-The man's one.
-There's only one way for us to find out. Let's watch it.
A cool, refreshing spray with water should speed up the experiment.
# So slowly
# Time goes by
# So slowly... #
This isn't working.
Let's bring out the big guns.
I'm sorry about this.
Our calculations must have been a bit off.
You just can't get the staff these days.
This is getting really boring.
Let's step it up a gear.
At last, the professionals are here.
This should speed it up.
And just to make sure, a bit of ice.
Any time now...
Success! The barrel with more water produced more water vapour.
This created a greater vacuum,
allowing the air outside to crush that barrel first.
That is an extra point to you, the Red Team,
so that means we're now 4-1 to the Reds.
Well done. Guys, we're into the final round now,
so you need to go off and get changed cos there's
an outfit required because of where you're going.
Today's Messy Messy Mess Test is in the nuclear box,
which is why you needed the protective suits.
-You all comfortable?
-I don't really care. Just wondering.
If you see anything moving in there, don't touch it
cos they've all got teeth.
Quite frightening. This is the game.
Each of these pods contains fabulous prizes like a robo-spider,
an MP3 player and a toxic mutant
which will be quite comfortable in there.
The idea is to move these pods from this end of the box...
Obviously, you can't use your hands cos they'd melt and drop off,
so use these tongs instead.
Pass them from one to another,
down to the other end, and put them in the baskets.
-Have you already been swimming in there?
There's a lot of it on your head! Get them all in the baskets.
The team to move the most prizes across the nuclear box
gets to take them home.
The losing team has to blow theirs up.
Red Team, you start first
because you had the most points at this stage of the game,
OK? They've earned you a five-second advantage,
so when you hear the first nuclear alert, you start.
Yellow Team, you can only begin when you hear the second nuclear alert.
Don't worry, you will recognise it when you hear it.
You've got Some Time to get as many prize pods as possible
across the nuclear box into the baskets.
You all understand the rules?
Good, because that time, Red Team, starts...now!
And the Reds are off,
seemingly oblivious to the nuclear goo that surrounds them.
That's the second siren,
and the Yellows explode into the game like a coiled spring.
Or perhaps more like a rusty old spring
that hasn't sprung since it was a lad.
Unlike the Red Team who've already got a prize pod.
And a second prize pod for the Red Team! Is there no stopping them?
I should point out, apart from the quite incredible danger
of even being in the nuclear box,
this is not easy.
The Reds not just seizing the advantage here but taking it,
making it their own and refusing to give it back.
The toxic goo seems to have had a strange effect on the Yellows.
Some Time actually seems to be slowing down
in their area of the tank.
They can't even keep hold of their hard hats.
It's OK. My hands can't melt with the nuclear goo
because I've had special ones made.
If that was your hands, they'd just fizz and disappear.
As the Reds' prize basket bulges ever more,
the Yellows' solitary prize pod is looking lonely and confused.
Oh, this is embarrassing now!
When will Some Time run out and put them out of their misery?
OK, that's it!
Both teams, time is up.
Things getting very tense in the nuclear box there, I noticed.
It's not an easy game that. Right, let's count up and see who's won.
I think it's quite clear because, Yellow Team, two.
Wasn't easy that, was it? Sorry.
Red Team, well, loads! How many are there in here?
There's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
Seven pods. Well done, Red Team. You win. Congratulations!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
So it's time now to have...
If you're watching at home, never ever open a prize pod
from a nuclear box without wearing gloves cos it would melt your hands.
I've had mine specially made. They're proofed, they don't melt.
I'm going to open these to see what you've won.
I'm going to need help, for which I need my specially trained Ninja.
The wheelbarrow full of prizes.
Gee, I wish you wouldn't do that quite so near...
Ninja Nan, finish with the Ninja stuff! Now we're doing the prizes.
Thank you. Let's see what you've won. First of all,
there is a Bop It game,
a mineral dig...
There's tons of stuff in here.
You've won toxic mutants,
several of them.
Well, you are them now, so you get one each.
You've won, oh, tons of stuff. Well done, Reds, for winning all that!
We'll get all those packed up for you to take home,
but here's the difference.
Losers, Yellow Team, I'm sorry.
Let's have a look at what you would've won.
You would've been taking home a prize egg, MP3 player,
that would've been quite nice.
I'm sorry but, you know, instead of taking them home,
you're going to get the joy of blowing them up instead.
It is time for Bidet Goes Bang!
So, Yellows, how are you feeling?
-Not bad. Reds, can you stop the smugness.
I can feel it. Just cos you're taking your prizes home
and you're about to blow yours up. Sorry.
-MP3 player would've been quite nice, wouldn't it?
You get to blow it up. Who's going to push the plunger?
-All of us.
-All of you? Oh, you see, there's team play.
What went wrong in the game?
We just couldn't pass it.
It was quite difficult as it turns out.
Well, look, your prizes are already in the bidet.
There's no putting off this moment any longer, so are you ready?
Well, step forward.
You have to lift the plunger and don't push it down
until we've done the countdown, or it'll go bang.
-Are we ready for the countdown?
All gone. All gone.
Well, on today's show, we've learnt a lot about air pressure
and how it works all around us,
and we've done that by crushing some big barrels and running around
with upside-down cups of wee.
Don't try that at home, though, any of this. See you next time!
Blast Lab was recorded before a live studio audience,
which is more than I can say for my lab rats.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
E-mail [email protected]