Episode 8 Richard Hammond's Blast Lab

I'll never forget that holiday, Nan,

cos that was the one where you won the beach surfing competition

and then you went on to win the Glamorous Granny Cage Fighting.

It was just astonishing. Ah, well, happy memories.

Right, let's get back to the lab. Cheers, Nan. See you soon. Oh, dear.

Hello, I'm Richard Hammond and this is my Blast Lab.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Nice to see you all. My laboratory is like a great big fun theme park,

except, instead of roller coasters, I've got vats of radioactive goo

and there's no souvenir shop. Joining me on a fun-packed ride

will be two teams conducting scientific experiments

in order to try and win some fantastic prizes.

Coming up, Oliver's fact-free diet is going badly,

which is great news for us, in Fact Nav 2.0.

We shall be bending light around corners in Mini Science.

It's man versus machine versus bird of prey

in a race to get an urgent message to my lab rat before it's too late.

And then, the bridge that can decide your destiny. It's... What is it?

Oh, yeah, the Bridge Of Destiny!

The Bridge of Destiny!

To ensure that my Blast Lab stays a secret,

I've employed someone who, when it comes to fighting,

is cooking on gas.

That's because she's still a bit sceptical about electric hobs.

It is my Ninja Nan!

Let's have a look in the Nannex, see what she's up to.

She's still talking to the postman. Poor guy's been there over an hour.

He thinks he's being interrogated. She calls it having a nice chat.

Let's see who's trying to get into my lab today.

Right, you lot claim to be the Red Team, do you?

OK, for security purposes, we shall have to check that out.

Identify yourselves by name.

-Toby.

-Harry.

-Jessel.

Toby, Harry, Jessel, that's what I've got written down here.

And a talent? Jessel, what are you going to do?

I can walk on my hands.

OK. Well, go on then, walk on your hands.

If you can do that I'll let you in.

Er...

Yeah, fair enough, that's walking on your hands. Come on into the lab.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I'm not sure that's going to be useful

but nice to know you can do it if you need to.

we agreed a security password with the real Red Team.

If you are the real Red Team, tell me what it is.

ALL: Quad Bikes.

That's what I've got here.

They're what you want for Christmas? You like them?

-We go quad-biking quite a lot.

-Do you?

Take care, they're dangerous.

Go and get settled in ready for the first game.

That's good, that's good. We have a Red Team.

What we need now is a Yellow Team and these three say it's them.

Hello, so-called Yellow Team.

Let's find out if you really are. I've got a security file here.

Identify yourselves by name. You are?

-Hannah.

-Frances.

-Lois.

Yeah, that's what it says here. Talent, who's going to do what?

-I am.

-What are you going to do?

-I can do the worm.

-What does that mean?

-Shall I show you?

-That's probably the best, Lois. I think it is.

Go on, then.

Have you started yet? She's gone. She's actually vanished!

Oh, good Lord! Is that supposed to be happening?

OK. Fair enough. If that's the worm, come on into the lab.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, girls, welcome to the lab.

Well, welcome this far but not all the way into the lab yet...

She's watching, she's watching. Keep an eye on you, Frances, don't worry.

If you are the real Yellow Team, you would know the password

that we've already agreed. What is it?

-ALL: Goat.

-Yes! What is that, your lunch order?

-Why goat?

-A goat ate my bag on a trip to Marwell Zoo.

-Did it?

-Yes.

-They can be mean, goats.

OK, go and get settled in and ready for the first game.

We have both teams. Just one other thing we need.

Here comes a vehicle that not only oozes intelligence

but leaks brake fluid, as well.

It is Oliver!

OLIVER'S ENGINE REVS AND HORN TOOTS

Oliver, welcome.

Get him all hooked up. There you go.

Ah, yes.

I have installed the very latest Fact Nav 2.0 system into Oliver.

It's brilliant!

It contains millions, if not billions, of scientific facts.

Fascinating stuff. Slight problem.

I spilled some strawberry jelly into the system whilst I was fitting it.

I know. I was utterly gutted.

Such a waste of strawberry jelly.

As a result, not all of the facts in there are correct.

Teams, it's down to you to tell me

whether the science facts I give you are true or false.

If they are true, Oliver will do this.

HORN TOOTS

And if they turn out to be false, Oliver will do this.

FOGHORN BLARES

We play the game like this.

On each side you will see each of you has three lights.

For every question correctly

we'll turn one of those lights green. Simple enough.

The first team to get three lights lit green wins the game,

they take a point and we move on.

A slight twist in there.

If you answer a question correctly you get a green light.

If you're wrong, we light one of the other team's lights green.

Yeah. Yellows are working that one out!

Which means you can win the game for them.

So, do think carefully.

First question - very important this -

it's a nearest-to question. Think carefully.

The Large Hadron Collider is the largest particle accelerator

in the world but what is its circumference?

I'll take the answer in metres.

Get thinking, chatting and scribbling an answer down.

I'll give points to the team nearest the real answer.

Yellows are ready, Reds are ready, as well.

Time's up!

OK, Yellows, let's have a look at what you've got.

90 metres.

Reds, you think the circumference is 150 metres.

It's quite a lot bigger that number. The real answer is 26,659 metres.

Which means the Reds, although a long way off, are nearest.

Well done!

I'm sorry, girls, that was really cruel.

I'm sorry. But I only did it because it was cruel.

Actually, it's enormous. It's got 9,300 magnets inside it,

and is the world's largest fridge because it is cold inside!

It's capable of firing particles at around 99.99% the speed of light,

which is quite incredibly fast.

Reds, you've taken control with your first green light.

You get the first true or false question.

And it's this - diamonds come from volcanoes.

Is that true or false?

So, Reds, you've had a bit of time to think about this.

-So, do you think it's true or false?

-True.

Diamonds come from volcanoes.

Oliver, is that true or is that false?

-HORN TOOTS

-It is true.

That's another green light for the Reds. Well done, team.

They're made under the Earth's surface,

crushed together by high temperatures and pressure

and then spewed out when the volcano erupts.

You stand around catching them. No, you wouldn't.

OK, Yellows, important one this. If you get it wrong, what happens?

-They win.

-Yeah. No pressure!

No pressure at all. Right, here is your true or false science fact.

Dolphins drink at least nine litres of water every day.

Don't answer straight away, have a chat,

because you never know what you might know.

Is that true or false? Vote with your feet. Let's see.

An audience unanimous in its decision.

You all agree that's true.

I think so because they live in the water, so they must drink something.

It's a lot of water. OK. Audience, back to your places.

Let's have a look and see what our team thinks. Yellows?

-We think it's false.

-You think it's false?

-Yes.

Dolphins don't drink at least nine litres of water a day.

That's the Yellows' answer. OK, Oliver, they think it's false.

Is it true or false?

-FOGHORN BLARES

-It is false. Well done, Yellows!

Well done, you're still in the game.

In actual fact, dolphins don't really drink at all.

They get all the water they need from food,

by burning the fat in their bodies. So, they don't actually gulp water.

OK, Reds, here's your science fact.

A coconut is not actually a nut.

Have a think about it, Reds.

Reds...

..so this is critical, really, isn't it?

A coconut is not actually a nut. Is that true or false?

-True.

-You think? Reds think it's true.

Oliver, is it true or false?

-HORN TOOTS

-It's true. It is true.

That's the third green light for the Reds

They win the game and take the points. Well done, Reds.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-One-nil.

Now, when you're operating a time machine

there are all sorts of complex things to think about.

Did you counter-wind the xenon spring?

Did you re-flash the temple equilibrator?

Did you modulate the...green things and when's lunchtime?

Unfortunately, I was mostly thinking of the lunchtime thing

and that's probably why when I tried to bring my old science teacher back

she arrived through time looking like a ten-year-old.

She is, of course, Mini Miss!

Hello, Miss.

Lunchtime is at 12.10pm, Richard.

Now, please focus on the matter in hand.

Yes, sorry, Miss. What are we doing today?

Well, today, our teams are going to be acting like spies

and trying to steal that painting of a Mona Ninja in a game we call...

DEEP VOICE: The Nan Vinci Code.

Wow! That's impossible, though,

because the Mona Ninja is locked behind

special Nan-proof security glass,

so to get it out you'd have to know the security key codes.

That's right, Richard, and the key code is written in two safe places.

On top of the balcony and under the boats.

Our teams are going to need to use all these bits and pieces

they've got here to build periscopes

in order to help them see over the balcony and under the boats.

That's right, Richard.

When they have each piece of code from each location,

they need to put them together

and use the code breaker to work out the numbers.

Once they're sure they know the code, they hit the buzzer,

then type in the code and see if they're right.

First team to do so wins.

Ah, Miss, as they're acting like spies

and that's water with the boats in, shouldn't this game be called...

DEEP VOICE: James Pond?

No, and if I hear any more puns like that, Richard,

-it'll be another detention.

-Killjoy.

-Pardon?

-Nothing, Miss.

Right, teams, this is quite complicated.

A lot of thinking involved, so get settled in and ready.

You can't look or touch any of the equipment yet

but just have a think and a quick chat

because what they're going to be doing... We're using light here.

Light likes to travel in straight lines. That's what it does.

And when you reflect it, bounce it off things,

it bounces off at the same angle as that at which it arrived.

They're going to use these mirrors and tubes to build periscopes,

so that when the light comes in it bounces and bounces

and then bounces down and into their eye

and they can see what they couldn't otherwise.

It is quite tricky, this, teams.

Good luck. One-nil right now to the Reds.

Let's see what the score is after this round. Let's go!

Wow! Away go both teams straight to the bottom of the balcony.

Looks like the Yellows have chosen the right mirror straight away.

And the Reds. Both teams trying to work out the code

to change the letters into numbers. A lot of concentration.

Yellows straight to work on their underwater periscope.

Oh, what's this? The reds are erasing their code.

This time they use the correct mirror to see the letters.

Toby has also worked out the numbers from the code.

Meanwhile, the Yellows have their underwater periscope made

and Lois is the first up to try it out.

But she's looking far too low in the tank

to see the letters on the bottom of the boat.

Reds now constructing their underwater periscope

but they need to be super-quick

as Yellows are already looking in the water

to find their second two letters of the code.

Well, they're looking...but it doesn't seem to be working.

Reds now have their underwater periscope made

and they're heading to the tank.

This is such an intense game. It's so confusing.

The light is doing the simple thing, going in a straight line

and bouncing off the mirrors at the same angle.

But there's so many mirrors and different angles

to try get the light to go where you need it to

so you can see. This is surprisingly difficult!

Reds now up and running and searching.

-Yes, yes! H, C. H, C!

-Unbelievable, the Reds have it!

-I can't see anything.

-Yellows still struggling

but the Reds now breaking the code.

But have they got it right?

One, nine, eight, three.

'Access granted.'

Yes, they've done it!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Reds, well done! My brain hurts just watching all that going on.

That was not the easiest game,

trying to harness the power of light to see round corners.

That was difficult, and code-breaking as well.

Everybody's brains aching? Mine is, just from watching.

So, the score after that round is two-nil to the Reds. Well done!

I'm sorry. It's difficult.

So, we've seen how mirrors can be used to send messages round corners,

which got me thinking. Yeah, dangerous when I do that, I know.

But it got me thinking, what is the fastest form of communication?

I sent my lab rats to find out, with the help of our delivery man,

Postman Rat.

Postman Rat thinks he is the fastest method of delivering the mail.

We disagree. So it's time to put his claim to the test.

We have devised an experiment to determine once and for all

who reigns supreme in the postal delivery stakes.

Enough chat, let's meet the competitors.

First up, we've seen him already, it's Postman Rat.

He lists his dislikes as dogs, rainy days

and being bitten by wet dogs on rainy days.

Next up, the computerised e-mail - electronic mail.

The ideal method of keeping in touch with people across the globe

or just sat next to you at school.

Lastly, our very own expert, the carrier pigeon. Hang on!

But I'm no fool and that's no pigeon.

OK, I'm being told that the bird and our carrier pigeon

left the blast lab aviary together but only one turned up.

The pigeon must have escaped. Instead, we have Mike,

who we'll call our advanced carrier pigeon.

That's it, he's our advanced carrier pigeon.

Each of these competitors will be given a message at the same time

to deliver to our lab rat sat at his desk, exactly 400 metres away.

One message will be hand-delivered by Postman Rat,

the other will be typed in and e-mailed to his laptop

and the third will be attached to Mike's leg and flown

to our second bird handler, who's positioned next to the desk.

Whoever delivers the message first wins. That's the plan.

Let's find out more about the science involved

before guessing who's going to win.

Postman Rat is using the muscles in his legs to move forward,

with the speed of about three miles an hour.

Mike is using the flapping of his wings to create forward thrust,

allowing him to reach speeds of up to 90mph. And the e-mail?

Well, this can be transported at ridiculously fast speeds.

But is typing faster than writing? Will Mike know where to go?

And will our wireless internet stay connected

long enough for our e-mail to be delivered?

We've met the competitors, we know the rules, so who's going to win?

OK, hold the experiment right there cos, well, there's a point in this.

It can't make any difference to the score - two-nil -

but I think, just for fun, I'm going to ask you the question.

Which is going to win? Which is going to be fastest?

Have a think. Have a chat.

So, what do you reckon? Yellows, what do you think's going to happen?

We think the bird.

You think the bird is going to win.

-We think the bird.

-You think the bird, as well?

So, why not the email? Why do you think that might fail?

It's going to take quite a long time to type it.

That's a very good point.

My Lab Rats are not very good at that sort of thing, that's true.

What about the Postman?

-Because he's slow.

-Yeah, he'll possibly get lost.

Well, there's only one way to find out,

just for fun and for a point, let's carry on with the experiment.

OK, here comes the Lab Rat with the message that needs to be delivered,

and the competitors have it.

Each of them has to write down the message before they can send it.

Oh, and Postman Rat has finished.

And he's off!

Will this head start be enough?

Now, Mike has taken to the air and quickly shoots ahead of Postman Rat.

He has a sizeable lead now, ahead of both competitors,

especially the email rat who still hasn't entered the message.

Oh, but what's this? Mike has gone off course!

This could cost him the race for sure.

The email is almost entered

and Postman Rat is making steady progress.

But now Mike is back on track.

Will the message make it in time?

Oh, the email is sent,

and it's in the tower, transmitting.

But the message is being passed from Mike.

It could go either way!

And Mike wins!

-COMPUTER:

-You've got mail.

The email comes in second,

and Postman Rat a pathetic third.

So, the bird won, which means an extra point to both teams.

Well done, Reds and Yellows!

You need to go and get changed into your chemical protective suits.

You'll need them for the Messy, Messy, Mess Test. 3-1 is your score,

Reds running ahead of the Yellows.

So, they're all good forms of communication,

although some of them are more readily available than others.

I wonder what that message actually said.

Ah, your table's about to explode!

I see, hence the run.

Makes sense now.

LOUD EXPLOSION

Thank goodness for the speed of Mike. He saved the day.

If you think that table was dangerous,

then steer well clear of Ninja Nan's coffee table when there's cake out.

I've got two words for you, booby trap. Be careful.

Now, audience, can you all have a look at your watches, please?

Can anybody tell me what it's time for?

Oh, yeah, that was it.

Now, today, teams, you face the Bridge of Destiny.

DEEP VOICE: The Bridge of Destiny.

Cool. Now you have to fish around in there,

in that hideous gunge, to find parts of a bridge.

Actually, I've always wanted to go in a gunge tank,

but apparently I'm too old now.

I can't help but feel just a bit of jealousy.

The Bridge of Destiny.

-No, I said "a bit of jealousy".

-Sorry.

Yeah, you're only supposed to say that when I say "Bridge of Destiny".

The Bridge of...

No, not now, it's too late!

Let's move on. Your prizes, such as a Robotic Car Set, a Metal Detector

and a Radio Controlled Spider

need to be transported across this tank of revolting gunge,

because if they fall in they'll either break

or they'll mutate into piranha prizes and nibble at your toes.

There are things in there that will do that. Try and ignore them,

or just scream to let us know.

You need to construct your bridge out of those pieces

festering in the fluids around you.

There are squeegees in there to clean it when you've finished,

but it's up to you how much time you spend doing that, OK?

As soon as you finish your bridge, pull the lever to release the car

that will pull your prizes across the Bridge of Destiny.

A bit of jealousy.

Thank you.

Reds you're in the lead, so you get the five-second head start.

Yellows, you only go when you hear the siren, OK?

This is a straight race to get your prize pods across the tank.

And that race starts...

now!

Away go the Reds, searching for the kit of parts.

KLAXON SOUNDS

And now the Yellows follow suit.

And look at that! The Reds have their first piece in already.

Yellows getting some bridge pieces on the deck, as are the Reds.

Already it's looking like a close battle, this one.

Now the Reds look like they have all their pieces out of the gunge.

They're just trying to work out the order they go in.

This is great teamwork in evidence today.

And in goes their second.

Yellows making some progress,

but it looks like the third piece is going in for the Reds.

And now the fourth, too.

I've never seen a team complete the Bridge of Destiny so quickly.

And away goes the red car.'

That was a clear result. The Reds successfully built their bridge.

The Yellows struggling there with that one. It is tough.

So, Reds, congratulations, that's a win for you. Well done, Reds!

And while we're here, let's take a look at what you've won.

Each of you will take home the following. Ninja Nan, are you ready?

A metal detector,

a chemistry set,

a flying UFO,

a robotic car set,

a radio controlled spider,

a Rough Roader,

a transforming ball

and a bionic 'copter. Well done, Reds!

What a haul of prizes!

Ha, ha, Yellows.

The amazing thing is, they would've been exactly the same for you,

but instead of taking those prizes home

you're going blow them to bits,

because it's time for Bidet Goes Bang!

Well done, that is quite a haul.

Well played, well run.

Obviously, we would have a really tricky situation now because

it's the same prizes for you

and we can't have two teams leaving with prizes

because you didn't win. But that's OK.

We've got a way to solve that problem and we'll do it now.

To get there, it's the Walk of Shame. Follow me.

Coming through, coming through.

Coming through, sad team here.

Sad scenes all over.

It's a touching moment for us all,

mostly for you three, because you're about to detonate

the prizes you would've won into a million little pieces.

Well played, girls. You're great sports.

I'm sorry you couldn't win in the end,

but you get to blow up the prizes you would've been taking home.

And we're going to do that now. So, let's count you down.

Five, four, three, two, one!

LOUD BANG

That did the trick. Well done, girls.

That brings today's show to an end.

In the name of science, we've bent light around corners

and pitted a postman against a pigeon against an email in a race.

Shame no-one asked to use my patented, super quick snail mail.

And I actually had a message from it, just arrived now,

delivered by a snail.

"Henry VIII has just got married for the second time."

Oh, that's nice. Hope it lasts. Anyway, see you next time.

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