New Boy ROY

'Ballyfermot.

'On the face of it, a normal, average, unassuming suburb of Dublin,

'just like any other.

'Dingle Street - home to the O'Briens.

'A family, just like any other.

'Well...almost.

'Maura O'Brien is a receptionist at Ballyfermot Medical Centre.

'Husband Bill is a cab driver.'

You've caught us at a bad time.

We're all a bit frantic today.

Roy!

'And they've got two children. Roy, 11, and Becky, 14.'

Aw, Becky, don't you look smart, love? Mwah!

60 shades of green, and they choose snot.

'Today's a big day - it's the start of the new term,

'and both children are going to new schools.'

Roy!

OK! OK! I'm coming! >

I hope nobody asks for Cabinteely.

Your dad'll go without you!

OR the 'Mun.

Ha-ha-ha!

-Don't you start.

-What?

So, I look like weird. Get over it.

What did I say?

So I look like I just crawled out of a swamp.

No, I didn't say that.

Don't start, you two. You're like a broken record.

It's SO unfair! Why doesn't Roy have to wear a uniform?

He does! You've still got your tie to do - remember, Roy.

And have you done your teeth?

PING!

-Oh, Roy!

-Sorry, Ma.

You've got to watch yourself today, of all days, love.

ROY SNIFFS

Oh, there you go again!

Uh, that... That was Becky.

-What did

-I

-do?

Roy, you promised, love.

Oh, I can't help it.

Will you give him a break, Maura, it's his first day!

I just don't want him to blow it, yeah?

MAURA SIGHS

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house, on an ordinary street.

'the only trouble is, he doesn't LOOK very ordinary.

'All Roy really wants is to fit in.

'But it's very hard to stay out of trouble

'when you're a cartoon!'

Ro-o-oy!

Ro-o-oy!

Roy!

ROY!

He-he!

'Roy O'Brien was Ireland's first cartoon baby.

'And we'll be following him as he settles into life in his new school.'

Well, here we go. School at last.

Loads of new faces.

Don't know anyone there, yet, so...

..it's all a bit scary.

Thing is, I've got to be careful.

Mam says I can't do any...stuff.

You know, cartoon stuff?

They call you a show-off, you see.

Or you'll get picked on.

Mam says if this is going to work,

I have to try and "blend in" like everyone else.

But...

It's not that easy, you know.

What's it like having a cartoon brother?

Well, to be honest, you tend to get forgotten about a bit sometimes.

I mean, I've got a new school to go to today, as well...

haven't I?

You get used to it, I suppose.

Help! Help me, Becky! Help!

Uhh!

Ah, look who it is.

How are you, Tommy?

'Tommy Byrne lives on the same street as the O'Briens,

'so the family have agreed to take turns for the school run.'

-Did you have your breakfast?

-Yeah.

-What did you have?

I had porridge and banana.

Porridge and banana, you greedy fella.

Go on back there, he's back in the bedroom.

'Roy's presence in Dingle Street

'has caused a bit of a stir in the neighbourhood.'

Right! Chop-chop, people. Let's get moving.

Come on, we're late. Let's go.

Morning. Morning!

Yeah, there'll be a matinee performance later on,

about four o'clock, when we're back from school. All right?

Thanks very much for the lift, Mr O'Brien.

No problem at all, Tommy. Seatbelts, lads.

Now, I won't be home till about five, all right?

So I can't get you, Son.

Sure Becky'll pass by and get you.

What time you finish tonight, Becky?

We forgot Becky.

TYRES SCREECH

'Ballyfermot School has 300 pupils

'of all nationalities, religions and social backgrounds.

'But Roy will be its very first cartoon pupil.

'They've agreed to take him on a week's trial.'

Yes, OK, that's great. Tell them I'll be there in about five minutes.

'Derek Hammond is the school's head teacher.'

We, here at Ballyfermot School welcome all types with open arms.

Chinese New Year, Ramadan, Yom Kippur - not a problem.

Kosher? Vegan? Halal? Bring it on!

Disabled pupils - nice new ramp at the side entrance.

Though, er, I think the builders still have to come back...

But this is uncharted territory.

This is a first for us - for any school, in fact. Anywhere.

Ah, Miss Sheringham.

'Dymphna Sheringham is now in her second year at Ballyfermot,

'and will be Roy's class teacher.'

Now, these are your fortnightly report forms.

This is login ID for the new online court booking system.

And this is the feeding roster for the, uh...

school hamster.

Oh! And you have a new pupil - Roy O'Brien.

Anything I should know about him?

Ah... Nice family. Um... Average academically, I think.

Quite...animated, actually.

BELL RINGS

Right.

-You all right, Tommy?

-Yeah.

Now... Here we are.

You all right, Son?

Just a bit nervous, Dad.

Look, that's the old butterflies. I had them my first day, as well.

You'll be grand.

Knock 'em dead, huh?

Good lad.

Touch screen, got GPS, wireless internet,

Bluetooth, social networking,

got it tax free in Hong Kong.

Hey, Conor! Look!

Took this on the plane. They guy next to me's asleep.

So I took his sick bag and...

Oh, wow!

Cool!

All right, everybody! Welcome back to school! Wel...

Glad to see you all fit and raring to go.

Everybody inside, now.

Nice and orderly.

Now, let's have you all inside, please? Thank you!

SCHO-O-OOL!

HE BLOWS A WHISTLE

Right. Now that you've all had the chance

to meet our new addition to the school - Roy O'Brien,

you can see he's just the same as everyone else here.

And he'll, er, get treated just the same as you.

CHILDREN SCREAM

A cartoon in OUR school? A real live cartoon? I mean, how cool was THAT?

Well, his mouth was kinda crooked,

and one eye was bigger than the other

but...he was cute.

He's a cartoon. Get over it! He's not even a good one.

All right! This is your first day at school.

You're understandably a little nervous.

-AHH!

-Ah!

Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Move along, everybody, move along!

Try to control yourself, O'Brien.

I just can't help it!

Move along, everybody. Thank you.

We have a community ethos here, Roy.

No one individual is more important than another,

so you must try to fit in and get along

and not disrupt and distract from the general running of the school.

-Do you understand?

-Yes, sir.

You're on a week's trial here, O'Brien.

Just remember.

BELL RINGS

CHILDREN CHATTER

-Hi, Miss!

-Hello, Sinead.

How was Prague, Miss?

The tram system was excellent. Thanks for the heads up, Tommy.

-Hi, Miss!

-Hiya, Jack.

-Hi, Miss!

-Hello!

Derek, can you not just give me a straight answer?

I'm hearing all sorts of weird stuff about this O'Brien character.

-Is he special needs, is he?

-Look...

Mr Hammond. Roy O'Brien?

-Oh, settling in OK is he, Miss Sheringham?

-He's a cartoon!

Do you know, I KNEW there was something about that lad!

Why didn't you warn me?

I'm sure you can handle it, Miss Sheringham.

Are we talking special needs? Do I need a classroom assistant?

What about calculators? Have you seen the size of his fingers?

Look. The authority dumped this on me yesterday.

I don't think for a minute it's going to work out, but...

What about health and safety?

Ooh, er...there goes my phone!

He's a cartoon?!

Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy!

-No, me!

-I'm sitting beside him first!

Miss! Tell them to take it in turns!

CLASS!

We have a LOT of work to do this term,

so there will be no more interruptions.

Three years at teacher training college.

There was nothing about teaching cartoons!

What was I gonna do? Treat him just like any other pupil.

that's all I COULD do.

Now...

Let's see who's sitting beside Roy BEFORE lunch.

And it's...

-Conor!

-Oh, yeah!

-BOO!

-Shh!

Right. I'm going to ease you all in with your first assignment this term.

I want you all to tell me about your summer holidays.

Ask Roy, bet he did something wicked!

Class, not now. I want you to prepare a five-minute presentation.

On where you went to, what you got up to, with any photos, or visual...

Miss!

-When am

-I

-sitting next to Roy?

Friday, for the fifth time, Sinead.

Frida-a-ay!

'But Roy is not popular with everyone.'

So, you can do all that cartoon-y stuff?

-Well, yeah, but...

-Oh, go on, Roy. Do a trick!

-Go on, Roy.

You don't have to, if you don't want. Remember what your mam said.

-What did she say?

-I'll get in trouble with the headmaster,

then I won't be allowed to stay.

Do that thing with the butterflies again! Go on!

Oh, please!

-Sorry, guys, I can't.

-Oh.

-OK.

-Maybe next time.

Ooh!

Sorry, Roy. Didn't see you coming.

Miss, look!

Class, come back and sit down.

Roy, hurry up and come in.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, Miss.

Right, class...

Nothing to see.

Back inside.

Roy's never been to school before.

Where we used to live there was just a school with a couple of teachers

and they told us point blank they couldn't cope.

So we had a tutor come to the house.

It's daft, isn't it?

I mean, Roy's just like any other 11-year-old boy, you know.

He likes loud music and computer games, playing with his mates,

all the usual stuff, like.

It's just like, well...

Like so many people they couldn't get over that initial...hump.

You know, that he's...

-a cartoon.

-A cartoon.

'It's Wednesday, and Denis the caretaker is polishing the floors.'

< You'll be late for lunch, Roy!

< Will I give you extra crackling?

Tommy, quick!

Woah! Woah! Wo-o-oah!

Roy O'Brien. Why am I not surprised?

Oh, sorry, sir. Ahh! Sorry, sir.

My floor!

Ooh, yeah. I didn't mean it! It wasn't my fault, sir! Ohh...

THEY ALL TALK OVER EACH OTHER

OK, OK! Apart from the birds,

apart from the accident outside the main hall,

apart from the fact that nobody outside Miss Sheringham's class

could get any work done, again, this morning...

is there anything else?

Every time he's in a hurry, there's like this...noise.

-Coconut hooves!

-Yeah! Followed by a kind of, you know...

whiplash sound.

Tut-tut, tut-tut, wu-tshh!!

His eyes.

When I told him we were out of banoffee pie, they popped out.

Literally. Poor Ellie nearly passed out in the custard.

OK, OK, settle down.

This is as much as I feared.

I told the education officer we'd give it a week,

but it looks like we'll reach a decision sooner.

What does that mean?

It means school is clearly not a realistic option for Roy, after all.

Are you all right, Roy?

I don't think it's going so well, Miss.

Don't worry. It's always a bit hard at the start.

Just...try to keep your head down and not get too overexcited,

and we'll be all right.

Yeah, Roy was going to be a challenge, but...

I'd never given up on a student before

and I'd no intention of doing it then.

Besides, I kind of liked him.

I think, deep down, he had a good nature.

-Come on, Roy, do something!

-Just one little trick, Roy.

No! One of the teachers might be watching!

I'll keep a lookout.

No, I won't. I promised!

Maybe it's because he can't.

What was that, Kat?

Maybe he can't do any tricks. He doesn't know how.

No, I just don't wanna get thrown out.

Maybe he's just a rubbish cartoon -

a no-frills freak.

'It's Thursday, and Miss Sheringham's class

'are giving their holiday presentations.'

That's another one of the banana boat.

The crazy golf's here somewhere.

That's another one of our pool.

The disco with the crazy foam.

That's one of the flat-screen TV in our bedroom.

58 inches. Mental!

Right. Kathy, just a small tip.

The odd photo of a temple or a market

might have nailed the fact it was Thailand.

But thanks anyway.

OK. How about Roy next?

Go on, Roy. Show them your camping trip -

how you helped put the tent up.

Didn't you do anything, Roy?

He stayed in a tepee, Miss.

Ooh, don't you want to tell us about it?

-KATHY CLAPS SLOWLY

-Boring. Boring.

-(Tommy!

-What's the matter, Roy?)

I can't move.

If I do, I might get in trouble.

When I told Roy to keep his head down, I didn't mean it literally.

I hate to see kids stifled.

But the main thing was to get through the rest of the week

without any mishap.

Right, who's next to Roy today?

Sinead.

It's OK, Miss. I'm not really bothered.

Oh. Does anybody else want to take Sinead's spot?

Tommy had to stay inside today. He gets hay fever.

So I'll just, er, hang here a bit on my own.

I think it takes a bit of time to make new friends.

So, I'll just have to be patient.

Oh, no!

Well done!

Just this once.

Hey, fellas.

Not now, Roy. We're busy.

-Go see if Denis has his ladder.

-Why should I go?

-Woah!

-Hey, Sinead, you see that?

-Shh! Guys!

-Do it again, Roy!

Fellas, no! I...

-That was just the coolest thing!

-See how far his arm stretched!

What did he do?

Do it again, Roy!

Well...

Kat! See that?

-See how his arm can stretch?

-Really?

How far can you stretch, Roy?

Oh, I don't know. Er...

-Kathy, no!

-Ah, show us, Roy!

Kathy, stop!

That's enough now.

So, you say things have calmed down a bit?

Not a peep for two days!

Well, I'm not so sure.

Mr Hammond, the novelty's worn off now.

-You'd hardly notice Roy's here...

-Roy! Roy! Roy!

Roy! Roy! Roy!

What is going on? Ro-o-oy!

See me in my office. Now.

Kathy had been on his case all week,

trying to trip Roy up.

Yeah, literally. She's trying to get those little birds.

It's not fair, really.

Can't blame Roy for this one.

But Mr Hammond, if you just listen!

We've given him every chance.

But it wasn't Roy's fault!

Tommy, Jack and Sinead just came up to me and told me what happened!

Our test results are rising year on year,

punctuality and attendance are up.

Look, people are actually LYING about their address

to get their children into our school.

We have our image to think of here.

So we just turn our back on him?

Where's he going to go?

PHONE RINGS

ROY'S TEETH CHATTER

Oh, no.

This isn't good.

Oh, this isn't good at all.

What's my mam gonna say when she finds out?

No, no. Thank you. Excellent.

Yes, thank you. Bye.

That was Castlemoyne's College For Boys.

They heard about the Roy situation and they've offered to help us out.

They can take Roy?

But, aren't they private?

What about the fees?

They said they could create a special bursary

and that he'd get his own personal tutor, too.

Isn't that the posh school by the university?

Well, I wouldn't put it QUITE like that, Miss Sheringham.

They took in that autistic boy...

and those Iraqi refugees last year.

And they've set up an exchange programme

with the village in Rwanda.

Wasn't their headmaster in the Sunday newspapers last weekend?

Really? Oh, must have missed that.

Yeah, I'm certain.

It was in the education supplement.

He's up for some sort of charitable award, or something, isn't he?

What, an award?

It would have been nice if we could have kept him here, but...

they've got the resources, I suppose.

And, as you say, we've got our image to think of.

I mean, I've tried, but it's so hard.

Sometimes I just can't help it.

Mind over matter, that's what my mam said.

Now, willpower...

The headmaster will see you now, Roy.

Ah, Roy. Take a seat.

Oh. Oh, woah! Ahh! Ahh!

Ahh! Ahh!

-What's going on?

-Roy!

Ahh! Ahh!

Ahh! Ahh!

-Ahh!

-What are you doing? Get out of my vacuum!

I can't! I'm stuck! I'm really stuck!

Roy! Stop messing about and pull yourself out of that.

I told you, I can't! Ahh!

Well, don't just stand there! Do something!

Wait a sec, it's got a reverse flow button on it.

What?!

You just pull on the little fella and I'll flick the switch.

Well, O'Brien, it's er, certainly been an interesting week.

But not a week to be remembered for all the right reasons, either.

But I've persuaded the staff

that the unfortunate incident in the playground before was a one-off.

And the least said about the vacuum cleaner thing, the better, really.

And that we should accept you here on a...permanent basis

provided you play your part and realise that we're here at school

for a serious purpose.

You can stay, Roy.

YES!

Sorry. Sorry, sir.

The relief! I just can't tell you the relief.

It was a big fuss about nothing, though.

All I want is for Roy to be accepted,

live a normal life.

I told you he'd be fine.

That lad has got his head screwed on.

I've seen him do it, actually. It's...

-a quick thing.

-Mm.

Well, I made it.

HE YAWNS

Funny, after Mr Hammond said I could stay, it was easier.

I didn't do anything cartoon-y in the class.

Didn't do anything cartoon-y on my way home.

And tonight, I was as good as gold.

HE YAWNS

Maybe it had something to do with not being stressed.

Or maybe it was just... mind over matter.

Well, next week, with any luck,

I'll have everything...under...control.

HE SNORES

Subtitles by Zoe Short, Red Bee Media Ltd

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