Growing Pains ROY

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house, on an ordinary street.

'The only trouble is, he doesn't LOOK very ordinary.

'All Roy really wants is to fit in.

'But it's very hard to stay out of trouble

'when you're a cartoon!'

Ro-o-oy!

Ro-o-oy!

Roy!

ROY!

'Over the past few days in the O'Brien household,

'Maura has noticed a change in Roy's behaviour.

Roy?

Are you coming downstairs to watch a bit of telly?

There's popcorn.

That is all right, Mum. I've already had a sandwich.

Ro... Roy?

This is your father speaking.

What kind of sandwich?

He says he's studying up there but he's not fooling anyone.

But, hey, it's all part of growing up

and to be honest, I'm fine with that.

I don't mean to sound heartless or anything

but I do have a life of my own that doesn't revolve around my children.

Maura, the film's starting.

Not right now, Bill, I'm going through photos!

You're the one who wanted to...

SHE SIGHS

Oh.

Look at that.

He was the cutest baby,

but a real handful.

We had to tie a lid on the cot with ropes

just to keep him safe in there.

That's him on his fifth birthday.

That's a more recent one.

I'm so glad he seems to be settling in and making lovely friends.

Cartoon characters on TV never grow up.

For a while we thought Roy was going to be the same.

But you can't believe everything you see on TV.

(Look at that.)

My Roy.

Science...

Science is really the worst subject for me.

Some get it, some don't.

I definitely don't.

I mean, the human body.

It's not as if it exactly applies to me either.

See that? And the candles are still lit!

Don't even remember eating that.

Anyway, all this science stuff just doesn't seem to go in.

I can't concentrate on it.

Now, can anybody tell me

which muscle pumps the blood around our bodies?

The heart. Very good, Roy.

THEY LAUGH

EMBARRASSED LAUGHTER

They grow up so fast.

There's Rebecca.

It's hard to believe it's the same girl.

SHE LAUGHS

I'll never forget the day this was taken.

I wish it was as easy to get a laugh out of her nowadays.

Mum, what are you doing?

-Nothing.

-What's that?

It's just a photo.

-Aw, that's just great!

-See what I mean?

BELL RINGS

Not so fast, everyone.

After lunch we will be looking at more amphibians. Namely, the frog.

And, as you can see,

I've brought in two of them to help us with our studies.

Miss? Miss Sheringham?

Are we going to be asking them questions?

No, Kathy, we are not going to be asking them questions.

We are going to...

We are going to...

..dissect them.

You mean, like...cut them up and have a look inside?

Aw, Miss! That's just cruel!

More like, that's just gross.

Yeah, Miss, that's just really cruel.

Enjoy your lunch.

Miss Sheringham. Can we talk to you for a second, please?

Yes, of course, Sinead. Roy.

Most of the children don't see why the frogs have to die.

And, to be quite honest, neither do I.

I'm sorry you feel that way, but may I remind you, Miss Sheringham,

that this is a science class we're talking about, not a petting zoo.

But dissection isn't even on the syllabus any more!

Exactly! And the test scores for science around the country

are at an all-time low.

I have the figures right here!

-Can I see that?

-No.

Science isn't pretty, Miss Sheringham.

You're studying the life-cycle of a frog and I'm afraid death is

a very important part of that cycle.

But...it's just murder.

Roy, tell him!

Yeah, it's wrong to kill them. They've done nothing to us!

Kids, I need a moment alone with Mr Hammond.

I'm serious. I'm not doing it. I've thought about it and I won't do it.

OK, then...

I'll do it.

But you owe me.

So Hammo's going to...

..the frogs, yeah?

Well, that's what I heard.

It's so unfair.

They're just poor little defenceless animals.

Well, it's going to happen anyway.

I mean, who's going to stop him?

Settle down, children, settle down!

Today may be Friday

but the weekend doesn't start until I say so.

Right, Miss Sheringham has kindly asked me to perform

today's dissection.

And here...

Here is what we have to look forward to.

THEY GASP

Cool...

Gloves.

Glasses.

Scalpel.

The chloroform

will knock the frogs out

so they won't feel any pain at all.

HE LAUGHS

And now...we introduce...

the frogs.

Despite what some children may think, this is not

my favourite part of the job.

FLY BUZZES

But if the children want to see me as the bad guy, that's fine.

I'm not here to be liked.

I'm here to educate.

And if the price of that education is a couple of frogs, so be it.

FLY KEEPS BUZZING

It's not as if I'm going to enjoy it.

THEY LAUGH

Right, what's going on here?

Where are the frogs?

HE LAUGHS

Somebody's made... a very bad mistake.

Miss Sheringham,

close the door

and don't let anyone out.

Why cut up helpless little frogs when I spent

two hours drawing up their insides on the board for my class to copy?

They can learn from that.

Anyway, frogs. Disgusting.

What is Mr Hammond going to expect me to do next?

He'll be asking me to dissect...rabbits.

Guinea pigs.

He'll be asking the class to bring in their own pets next!

BELL RINGS

'Of course,

'I had my suspicions about the disappearing frogs, but...

'I wasn't going to tell anyone.'

Go.

Roy. You're the last one.

Yes, Sir.

-Is there anything you'd like to tell me before I look in your bag?

-Em...

Watch out for the banana sandwich.

MYSTERIOUS CROAKING

What was that?

The other half of the banana sandwich.

Seriously, Sir, it was minging!

Should Roy not be home by now?

Yeah. He should be.

-Hi, Mum. Hey, Dad.

-Hi-ya, love.

-You all right?

-How are you, lads? What have you been up to?

Jack, can you get the biscuits?

And Tommy, can you get the drinks out of the fridge?

Thanks, Mr and Mrs O'Brien.

Oh, fire away(!)

Roy! Don't go binging on snacks now.

I'm making dinner.

I've made your favourite.

It's all right, Ma.

I've already eaten.

Where's me red ones?

-What's wrong with your yellow ones?

-I don't like the yellow ones.

They make me feet itchy.

Bit of cake, lads?

BOTH: No!

That's totally sick!

And kinda cool as well.

Roy, I never knew you were such an animal lover.

Oh, yeah! Me? Are you joking?

I love animals. They're great.

Still, though,

would have been kind of cool to see their guts.

HE GROANS

What?

You should release them into the wild straight away, Roy.

It's the best thing for them.

And besides, you don't want to get too attached.

-Attached?

-Yeah.

-To frogs?

-Yeah.

Attached to frogs!

I can't release them into the wild.

They're just not ready.

Frank would probably be OK,

but Winston...

Well, you can see for yourselves.

Frank is obviously the party frog.

That's him on the left. He's all action.

While Winston, he's more your quiet type.

HE SIGHS

That lad's deep.

He's a deep frog.

If you know what I mean.

'It being the weekend, the boys have decided to do some shopping.'

I'm just saying, I think it's a bad idea to keep the frogs.

I know what you think, Tom! But I know they're not ready to leave yet.

Check this out. We got a container for the frogs, and the man gave us

loads of extra stuff. For free!

And we got a thing of crickets to feed them.

Are these dead or alive?

Don't know.

THEY SCREAM

So, when are you going to let the frogs go?

I need to fatten the frogs before I can let them go into the world.

What? Fatten up frogs?

Lookout! Hammo! Hide the gear.

-How are ya, Mr Hammond!

-Hey, Mr Hammo!

That was a close one.

You've got to get rid of these frogs!

Raising kids is hard enough in this day and age.

You try and keep an eye on what they're doing

and you're accused of being too nosey.

But you can't leave them up to their own devices.

They could get up to anything!

I mean, take my Roy.

Heaven knows what's going on in that head of his.

But I know the answer to that question is in his bedroom.

Why else would he be spending so much time in there? Never fear!

I mean, what's wrong with keeping an eye on what the kids get up to?

If it were up to Bill, they'd be allowed to do whatever they pleased.

I'm always painted as the bad guy.

And Bill gets to be the good guy.

I'm always the one who gets to do the dirty work.

Why don't those boys ever lift the lid?

Maura.

-What?

-What are you doing?

Will you come down the stairs?

What? Can't a mother be concerned about her son?

Concerned? I'm concerned about you. You're spying on him!

Heaven knows what's going through that poor little head of his.

At least Rebecca keeps a diary.

Um... Hi, Becky!

Hi, Becky!

(Do you think she heard that?)

Probably.

Are you two getting fatter?

I think you're getting fatter.

But you don't do very much froggy stuff, do you?

You probably didn't learn that in school, did you?

I'll just put this camera down here.

Stuff like hopping or catching flies with your tongues.

It's time for me to teach you how to be frogs.

Here I go. So, in the wild, this is how frogs

communicate with each other.

HE CROAKS MANICALLY

I'm all right!

I'm all right.

I'm not all right.

Hopping.

Essential in the wild for a quick escape.

Could save your life.

Right, lads.

I won't always be here to feed you, so you've got to feed yourselves.

We're going to learn how to use those tongues, lads. Right?

So, let's say you want that big, juicy fly on the wall.

Ah, how are you, Tommy?

-Hi, Mrs O'Brien.

-How are you, Jack?

-How are you, Maura?

-Oh, do come in.

Right upstairs.

It says here that frogs can live up to 15 years!

And the container needs to be cleaned constantly.

The moisture can lead to all kinds of fungal and bacterial infection.

You even need to feed the crickets!

-So?

-So we're just saying that you shouldn't get too...

I'm not attached! I told you, they're not ready to go.

But it stinks in here!

It's only a matter of time before Maura finds out.

She will freak.

Girls aren't like us.

They hate disgusting things.

So, there's a bit of a smell - no problem. I'll sort it!

And do you have to call my ma Maura?

-It's a bit freaky.

-That's her name.

What do you want me to call her?

I don't know. Roy's ma? Something!

Wasn't there a lamp here?

Mum, if you don't talk to him, I will.

Mam, where's that spray that Da had?

You know the one that makes his car smell really new?

Roy, would this have anything to do

with the peculiar scent coming from your room?

Peculiar scent?

It smells like something dead got sick!

Yeah? Well, your mouth is a lot closer to your nose than my room is,

so maybe it's your breath! Buck-tooth Becky!

That's enough, both of yous!

I was going to give the house a spring clean.

I'll start in Roy's room.

No! You're not going into my room.

It's private! Just stay out!

Ma?

Are you OK?

Yeah.

DOORBELL RINGS

I'll get that.

Well, come in.

KNCOK AT THE DOOR

Hide the frogs!

Who is it?

Me, Sinead.

Come on in.

I can't believe you saved the frogs, Roy.

You're such a legend!

-How did you know?

-Tommy texted me earlier.

Sinead wanted to see the frogs one last time

before you do the right thing and set them free.

-You are going to set them free, aren't you, Roy?

-Of course he is.

And the sooner the better.

Well, that's the thing, you see.

I was thinking they should stay here a little longer.

You know...safer!

You can't keep them here, Roy!

If being stuck in a plastic container

in your bedroom doesn't kill them, the smell will.

They have to be outside!

But it's dangerous out there!

Roy, you have to set them free.

But what if they puke, or hit their heads, or choke on a lamp?

-ALL: Choke on a lamp?

-Never mind.

You got attached, didn't you, Roy?

I'm not giving them up, OK?

They need me. You don't understand. They're much more than pets to me.

They're like my best...

What's that stuff?

THEY GROAN

They've spawned!

-You see, the female lays over 2,000 black eggs and...

-Frank's a girl?

Who's Frank?

You all right, love?

I just don't think Roy needs me any more.

Don't be silly, love. Of course he needs you.

He's turning into a man.

Well..

As if one isn't enough here already!

What's that supposed to mean?

Would you put some trousers on, for goodness sake?

It's my house too, you know!

-Hiya, Beck.

-Hey-ya, honey.

Do you want a biccy?

No? Like a hug?

Give Daddy a hug. Here.

Beautiful.

THEY LAUGH

My husband, Legs O'Brien.

Give us a biccy.

Come on, Roy.

We can do this the easy way...

-..or the hard way.

-But they need me!

It's for their own good, Roy.

Frogs aren't meant to live in boys' bedrooms.

Roy, put it down!

No! The frogs!

-I'm so, so sorry.

-It's OK.

They're OK. I just didn't want you taking them.

See what could have happened if you did?

Ma!

Roy, I'm sorry, but I will not be told

where I can and can't go in my own house.

Are those frogs?

Yeah...

Happy... Happy... Uh...Mother's Day!

But it's not Mother's Day.

Yeah, but...

TOMMY: He was going to keep them until Mother's Day.

It was meant to be a surprise.

Frogs? On Mother's Day?

ALL: Yeah...

Is that why you've been hiding out in your own room?

ALL: Yeah.

Oh.

Come here to me, son!

I mean, frogs for Mother's Day.

I mean, who'd fall for that one?

Yeah, "Here you go, Ma, they ran out of roses and chocolates

"at the flower shop but I thought frogs would do instead."

I'm telling you, he has some cheek, our Roy.

I remember, I was a right little tearaway when I was a young lad,

you know. But I've never have the nerve

to try to get away with an excuse like that. You know what I mean?

You were a tearaway?

No, no...I wasn't. No, I...

No, what I mean is that I might try to get away

with the odd trick or two, you know, but my Da,

oh, my Da would put me straight. Ah, fair play to him.

That was what that evil smell was coming from his room!

-Hm?

-And he had the cheek to say that it was my breath!

That right, Da?

Course, love, yeah.

Course.

But, I mean, somebody had to deliver the bad news to Roy,

about the frogs.

So, myself and Maura decided that, er...that she'd do it.

Yeah, right!

You and Mam decided, did you?

Well, we did, actually, yes.

And less of your lip, by the way, young one.

You might want to pop up and brush your teeth again, love.

I mean, frogs are not...

It's the thought that counts.

Isn't that right, Roy?

Ma!

And that's something I will always cherish. But...

I'm just glad that Francesca and Winston found a good home.

And it's right here where we can see them any time we want.

-But Roy...

-Hey!

We could keep them in the sitting room!

-What do you think, Ma?

-Er...

Roy, listen. We need to talk.

About Fran, and Winst...

About the frogs.

Really?

They're frogs.

They're disgusting.

ROY GASPS

I'm afraid they're going to have to go.

Shh...

Winston, Francesca, there's nothing more I can teach you now.

I have to let you go.

I don't want to, but it's for your own good.

Maybe someday,

years from now, you'll understand, when you have children of your own.

Go free and live your own lives.

HE SNIFFLES

-Are you sure they'll be all right?

-It's the best place for them, Roy.

They're safe now.

Goodbye, Francesca! Goodbye, Winston!

'It's been ten weeks now since Winston and Francesca's release,

'and there's been some surprising news in the O'Brien household.'

Remember that disgusting stuff in the container?

Yeah, well that was spawn, which is like frog's eggs and stuff.

I couldn't keep them in my room any more,

so I had to put them out in the back garden.

And it turns out Winston and Francesca had hundreds of babies!

Seriously! My Ma found them hopping in the garden.

ROY!

I asked her if I could keep some,

but she just gave me one of those looks again.

But that's cool. They're everywhere out there anyway.

And they look just like Francesca and Winston.

I shouldn't really have done this,

but I brought one in to show you guys.

That's mad. He was here a second ago.

Uh-oh!

SHE SINGS TO HERSELF

SHE SCREAMS

HE LAUGHS

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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