Konnichi Roy ROY

'This is the story of Roy O'Brien.

'He lives in an ordinary house on an ordinary street.

'The only trouble is, he doesn't look very ordinary.

'All Roy really wants is to fit in,

'but it's very hard to stay out of trouble when you're a cartoon!'

Roy!

Roy!

Roy!

Roy!

'It's a big week for the students at Sandyford Progressive Learning,

'as it's being twinned with a school in Japan

'and receiving a very special visitor.'

Roy, your breakfast is on the table! You're going to be late for school!

FLY BUZZES

ROY BURPS

And a very good morning to you too, son.

Ugh, disgusting!

Good morning, everyone, or "ohayou" as they say in Japanese!

Oh, very good, Roy. So you're enjoying Japan week then?

It's deadly! Lots of things come from Japan.

Karate, judo, sumo wrestling, ninjas...

I'm sensing a theme here.

Didn't someone leave a martial arts comic in back of your taxi before?

Oh, yeah! Yeah, I dropped this polite young man to some, erm...

FLY BUZZING

..some nerd conventions. Star Wars...or Trek?

Or something, I can't remember.

Ah, it's probably up in the lost and found box,

mind you, I can't find that since we moved.

You mean you've lost the lost and found box? Nice one, Da.

Check this out! I saw this in a movie.

Roy!

Ah, Roy! I'm after washing Becky's uniform.

Erm, I'm going to be late for school. Sorry. Bye.

Whoo-hoo! Go Tara!

Whoa!

Right, O'Brien.

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times...

Ah, excellent, Roy!

You displayed the properties of a hurricane perfectly.

Can anyone tell me what a hurricane is called in Japan?

A typhoon, sir.

Correct! Yeah...

Shouldn't you be getting them inside, Mr Lucey?

Classes are about to begin. SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Yeah, OK.

Try and be a bit earlier in future, Roy?

Yes, sir. Thanks, sir.

'Mr Lucey is teaching the kids some of

'the more traditional Japanese activities.'

There's much more to martial arts than just fighting.

Yeah, finally we're learning something useful.

I mean, maths and English are important,

but are we ever going to use them after school?

That is a good point.

Sir, my fingers are too big and I only have four.

Be patient, Roy.

The paper already knows what shape it wants to be.

Your job is to let that happen.

Oh! I think my paper wants to be a snowball. Ta-dah!

'Ms Jervis has some disappointing news for Mr Lucey.

'He won't be leading the welcome for the Japanese principal.

'Mr Hammond will.'

Look, between me and you,

Derek was extremely keen to do the meet and greet duties.

I'm not exactly sure why, but...

Oh... It's just that I've spent the last few weeks brushing up on

Japanese etiquette and...

I know, but that's why I need you, to make sure things run smoothly.

Can I count on you, Paul?

Of course you can, Jane.

Thanks for being so understanding.

Oh, I made you a...

You can always count on me, Jane.

Jane, Jane, Jane...

Argh!

Ah, yes, the ancient Japanese art of bonsai.

It's taken me years of patience and practice to perfect.

Yours truly has been given the most important task of

coordinating Mr Tanaka's visit.

Miss Jervis practically begged me to do it!

Between you and me,

I think she probably feels quite out of her depth.

But of course, I'm always ready to assist.

In fact, I relate strongly to the Japanese sense of...

modesty, integrity, self-sacrifice and honesty.

HE CHUCKLES AND SNORTS

I call this move The Flying Dragon. Check it out!

FAGAN SHOUTS: Sketch! It's Hammo!

Argh!

LAUGHTER

Ah, Roy!

You should have learned from this week

that a knowledge of martial arts is not to be taken lightly.

Sorry, Sir.

And tidiness is important in Japan too.

Neatness and order are very highly valued.

Sir, is there anything we do that Japanese people would think was rude?

That's a very good question Lau... Sophie.

It's considered very rude to blow your nose in public

and they take their shoes off when entering a Japanese home,

and also they don't eat and walk.

Yes, Sean?

Did you see any ninjas when you were in Japan?

EVERYONE LAUGHS

No, Sean, I didn't.

But that doesn't mean they weren't there.

You see, ninjas are masters of not being seen.

Eh, what's going on?!

You frightened the life out of me!

Can you believe that look, my going out suit still fits?

-Actually, no, I can't!

-Remember this one?

-How could I forget.

-Come here.

-Stop, Bill...

# Those were the days. #

CLATTERING

-Oh, sorry love!

-Oh, actually...

-It's the box you were looking for.

-Very good! Well done.

Violin, plastic chicken, false teeth, keys, boat anchor...

Yeah, well, it's not mine.

Ah, here it is! Martial arts comic..

Brilliant. Well done, love.

And, Bill, your tea's ready.

-And get this place tidied up, and, Bill...

-Yeah.

Be careful, yeah!

-ELVIS IMPRESSION:

-I'll be right in baby, thank you very much.

SHE CHUCKLES

-Oh!

-CLATTERING

It's all right! It's all right! Nothing's broken!

Glad to hear it, Bill.

Roy! No biscuits.

I'm starving!

Say it, don't spray it, Roy!

What did I say, Roy!

-Sorry... Nice suit, Da.

-Thanks, son.

It's nice to know that someone in this house still has a bit of taste.

Is that make-up?

You're one to talk, aren't you!

Ah, deadly! Thanks, Da!

-Did you lose a bet?

-Hilarious!

I'll have you know that back in the day this was very cool.

Please don't say cool.

-Cool. Cool. Cool.

-Cool.

Oops, sorry, Becky.

-Now, that's not cool.

-No.

-Very funny.

-BILL AND MAURA CHUCKLE

FLY BUZZES

GONG AND ORIENTAL MUSIC PLAYS

Good morning, family.

What's happened, Roy? Are you all right?

Sit down there, son.

I'll have to call Dr Rashid!

Forget about Rashid, just call an ambulance!

It is not necessary to call anyone. I am feeling fine.

Thank you for your misplaced concern.

Ah, today will be a good day!

Wow! Thanks, Roy!

Right, Roy what's going on?

Helping your sister? Being polite?

Having table manners?

The manga comic taught me about honour and respect.

A life without honour is meaningless.

We'll hold off on Rashid for now. We might let this one run its course.

FLY BUZZES

Wow!

Always be aware of your environment.

I must not be late for school.

Ma, you have honoured me with this breakfast.

GONG SOUNDS

Never a dull moment, huh?

I mean, it was a bit preachy but other than that...

FLY BUZZES AWAY

Good morning.

-Is everything all right?

-Never been better, sir.

Excuse me, I don't want to be late for class.

Good morning, Derek. Oh, I didn't realise you had green fingers.

Oh, sorry, I'll come back.

No, no need.

I sometimes get a nose bleed after my early morning exercise.

Really?

-Yes, I must stop pushing my body to its limits.

-Right.

Well, I was just checking in to see if everything is set up

for Mr Tanaka's visit today.

Ah, all under control.

Of course for a man of my considerable experience,

this is child's play.

Well, it's been a fantastic week for the kids.

Their enthusiasm is infectious.

Roy, in particular, it just never ceases to amaze me.

Well, don't hesitate to call if you need any help.

And, of course, Mr Lucey is a terrific resource.

Yeah, yeah... Won't be necessary.

Anyway, I'll leave you to your... preparations.

"Roy amazes me."

Wait a minute! What's O'Brien up to now?

You look deadly, Roy! Can you do some ninja moves?

Sorry, Niall, only as a last resort and to uphold honour.

Boring!

-Are you all right, Roy?

-I'm great.

You know, I can't misuse martial arts, especially after yesterday.

It would be dishonourable.

Aw, come on, Roy, I want to see something!

-Impossible.

-Me too!

All right. I suppose I could do a little something.

APPLAUSE

That's brilliant.

-Very impressive.

-One more, Roy?

OK, stand back. I need some room.

Argh!

Argh!

Take this!

Roy! To my office this instant.

The rest of you, clear up this mess.

Now, listen here, Roy.

Nothing or no-one is going to stop today from running smoothly.

What is with this new look, boy?

I'm a big fan of Japanese culture, sir, and...

Yes, well, just make sure you're not seen by Mr Tanaka,

or I'll give you extra homework for a month.

Have I made myself clear?

But, sir, I was looking forward to seeing the...

No buts! Now, you may go. I have this gift to wrap.

Sir, wait a minute!

You can't give four of anything as a gift to Japanese people.

It sounds like the word for death "shi"

and is considered very unlucky!

Quiet, O'Brien! No more backchat.

But sir! The school's honour is at stake.

Look, it's in this story about Japan.

Give me that comic. I'm quite sure this isn't on the curriculum.

As if four glasses with a lucky four-leaf clover

on each could be unlucky!

No, O'Brien, you might have to try a little bit harder than that

to make a fool out of Derek Hammond.

-Oh, Mr Tanaka is ten minutes away.

-Excellent.

Hang on, that's a very collectible Japanese manga comic!

I know that, Mr Lucey.

No, it's funny, I had that issue once.

Yes, it's O'Brien's. Here, why don't you hold on to it for me?

Oh, with pleasure!

Yes, I've warned O'Brien to stay out of sight for the visit.

Mr Lucey?

I said "Mr Lucey"?

Sorry.

All right, just be polite. I'll handle the formalities.

Relax!

GONG SOUNDS

Konnichiwa, Mr Tanaka.

What's Derek doing?

I have no idea.

Konnichiwa is used in the afternoon to say hello, not the morning.

Bowing isn't meant to be a competition!

Do something, Paul. Make it stop!

Welcome to Sandyford Progressive Learning, Mr Tanaka. I'm Mr Lucey.

Allow me to introduce Ms Jervis, SPL's Principal.

So very pleased to meet you, Mr Tanaka.

Mr Hammond, you've outdone yourself!

We welcome you to our most humble school, Mr Tanaka.

You honour us with your presence.

Thank you all very much for the warm welcome.

I am the one who is honoured to visit you today.

I hope this is the beginning of a long

and lasting relationship between our schools.

No, no, no. We are honoured with your presence Mr Tanaka.

The honour is mine, Hammond-san.

I must insist it is we who are honoured, with your presence.

OK.

Take note, Mr Lucey. First impressions are the most important.

How could Hammo be so stupid.

He will bring dishonour to our school.

Yeah, but Hammo will end up looking bad and that's good, right?

No, we need to uphold the school's honour, we must destroy that gift.

Sounds like a quick way to get into serious trouble, Roy.

Now is not the time to think about ourselves.

Now, who's with me?

-Me.

-Me.

-Me.

-Me.

Yes, I actually left my position as principal in another school because,

well, I missed the interaction with the other kids.

That's very interesting, Hammond-san.

Yes, my attitude as such is that I'd be ready and willing to consider

positions in say other schools...

in dare I say it...

another country?

Hai. Very good.

Doughnut?

A doughnut is a tasty snack, Mr Tanaka.

Hai. Donatsu. We have also have them in Japan.

Now, if you follow me, I've laid on some performances showcasing just a

small portion of what the kids have learned about Japan this past week.

Ah, very good. What have I got to look forward to?

Er...sorry?

Just some cultural events we've thrown together.

The kids are very excited.

Oh! So-so-sorry, there's somebody at the door?

Hm, I could have sworn I saw someone at the door.

Well, let's not dilly-dally!

So, Mr Tanaka, what's the weather in Tokyo like this time of year?

Mr Hammond, we don't want to unwittingly offend our guest.

Eating and walking is a bit rude in Japan.

Who? Yes, well... Bad for my figure anyway.

Things are going extremely well, wouldn't you say?

Look, Roy. We checked it out. It's doesn't look good!

What are you two doing loitering around here? Go find your seats!

I'm going to have to go now. I'm on stage after the martial arts.

Yeah, we have to get ready for our act, Roy, sorry.

I know how I can get close! Listen quick.

We hope Mr Tanaka enjoys our performances.

Here's Declan and Darren with a display of karate.

APPLAUSE

Hey, Fagan, your trousers are ripped!

What? No, they're not! Get lost.

-Yes, they are.

-Why? Why did you do that? Argh!

-What happened there?

-Stage fright.

No way! Is that David Beckham, there in the second row?

I'm not falling for that.

And now, our second challenger.

That was a dishonourable move, Deco.

Honour's for losers.

Bet you can't throw me?

Argh!

GONG SOUNDS

You all right, Roy?

I used too much manga force! Must learn to control.

Is that a cartoon boy?

Yes, Roy is one of our more enthusiastic students.

He is such an inspiration.

Next, Niall will recite a type of Japanese poem called a haiku,

which he has written himself.

Thank you.

There's nothing I'd like more than

the challenge of working in another country, Mr Tanaka.

Salary isn't an issue at all.

The year's first snowfall.

A noise by a frozen pond.

So, roughly what is the basic teaching salary in Japan?

Almost there.

Brand-new trainers soaked.

GONG SOUND

Roy just watch us, and try and keep up.

JAPANESE MUSIC PLAYS

A three month notice period is all that's required here.

Whoa, whoa, can't stop...

O'Brien, what on earth are you doing? O'Brien! O'Brien!

Tah-dah! All part of the show, Mr Tanaka.

I still have the reflexes of a young man.

Very good.

Now, the performers should know that their efforts have been noted.

Well, that concludes our show.

I hope our distinguished guest enjoyed it.

Now, without much ado, we'll shall present our gift.

Roy, I hope you're not thinking what I think you're thinking?

Sometimes honour comes at a price.

Don't do it, Roy! Hammo will make your life hell!

Stand back, everybody!

No!

Are you all right, Roy?

I am now.

Wow. Thank you very much for the wonderful display.

I am an otaku! So happy.

Otaku, ta, tak? Wha... What's going on?

Ah, amongst other things. An otaku is a big manga fan.

I am too, Mr Tanaka, and so is Roy here...

That was amazing!

Ahh, it was nothing really.

Yes, yes. Very good performance.

We're all otaky...keytu, tuka... Whatever!

-Why did you do that, Roy?

-The gift was four glasses, sir.

I had to uphold the school's honour.

You can't give four of anything as a gift to Japanese people.

I read about it in a manga comic.

Of course. That makes perfect sense.

Do you know I once had a copy of this, but I lost it.

I dropped this polite young man to some nerd conventions...

Of course! It was you!

What?

You were the ner... Nice polite man in my da's taxi!

It was in his lost and found box!

No way! Brilliant!

-Looks like it found you, Mr Lucey.

-Thanks, Roy.

Where are we going to find another gift at such short notice?

The paper knows what it wants to be.

Please accept this humble gift, Mr Tanaka.

I only wish it could be more.

I am honoured to accept this. It's awesome!

Especially from a cartoon boy. I am not worthy.

How cool was that!

Please may I take some photos to show my colleagues

and students in Japan?

I told O'Brien there would be a price to pay

for causing trouble today.

Roy acted in the best interests of the school.

Don't you know you shouldn't give a gift of four of anything in Japan?

What? Four?

But the set of glasses had lucky four-leaf clover?

Roy has acted in a very brave way.

I think we can all learn something from today's events?

-But, but, but...

-He has clearly saved the day.

SLURPING

If anyone doesn't want theirs, I'll have it!

SLURPING

I have you now, O'Brien!

That is no way to eat in front of our guest!

Please, Hammond-san.

In my country we make this noise if we like the food.

And this is very good.

HE SLURPS

Deadly!

Why not?