Promalicious Sadie J

SMASH!

O-M-G, Dedes, I came as soon as I got your voicemail.

Is it true?

Yep, the Cheerups are holding their very own prom.

That's, that's...

An abomination against the whole of womankind?

..Not the phrase I was looking for.

They're also holding a prom queen competition.

They want to crown the most fabulous girl in town.

No way! This is it, this is my moment!

I never dreamed I'd get a chance to be prom queen. Result!

And can get this. You can only enter if you can get into the prom.

So they're vetting everyone they sell tickets to.

Unless you can meet their archaic, misogynistic criteria

of what a cool girl looks like, you're out.

And what are their archaic, misogynistic criteria

for what a cool girl looks like?

No denim.

And no sneakers.

They actually refused to let Theresa Babcock attend

because she was too much of a "boring brainiac".

Not Brainiac Babcock, the human snorefest?!

Oh, um, oops.

Hey, Theresa!

Loving the dress.

Sads, don't you understand? This is our chance to fight

these flee-brained, pom-pom smiling piranhas.

If we stand shoulder to shoulder,

as sisters and comrades,

we can show them that they cannot objectify people like this.

Are you with us?

Oh, look, Stephen Hawking!

# Can somebody tell me why I'm always surrounded by boys

# Give me a break

# They got attitude, kind of cute

-# But when they're in trouble, takes a girl to save the day

-Save the day

-# I'd love another girl around the place

-To be her

# Someone to back me up so I always

# Have the last word

# Guess it's hard to be the only girl

# In a boy's world

# Girl, girl in a boy's world

# I know I'm stronger cos I got a positive mental attitude

# I'm understanding, kind of sensitive, want gratitude

# I don't want to be the only girl

# In a boy's world. #

Next!

Next! Next!

Next!

Kit! What are you doing here?

Duh! I'm on the prom committee.

Cos my Glee-tastic show choir the Kitz Katz

have been chosen to wow the masses on the night.

Since when have you had a Glee-tastic show choir?

Since I met the leading lady of my dreams,

the spotlight of my life.

The one, the only Esme Chambers!

A professional marriage made in heaven!

BOTH: # If anyone should ever write my life story

# For whatever reason...

# For whatever reason there might be... #

Dip practise?

Thought you'd never ask.

One ticket, please.

Your prom queen is in da house!

Next!

Hey, you can't refuse to sell me one.

I'm not wearing denim.

These are kitten heels.

It's not just about the way you look, Jen-ster.

It's about who you bring.

You can't be prom queen if you don't have a king.

A king? Like, a date?

Are you kidding? I don't need a bloke to be fabulous.

Duh! Obviously.

You need your king like you need a bag. Or earrings.

The success to your outfit.

This prom stuff is like seriously messed up.

And, like any good accessory,

he has to be better than everyone else's. Take my king, Brad.

He's an A-star student, a minor league baseball champion, and...

..the coolest guy in the universe.

He doesn't sound all that...

GUITAR RIFFS

Hi.

Ha...

I'm Brad.

OMG, I need a bag. I mean, a Brad. Right now.

All right?

All right.

Do you see anything good?

Ha-ha-ha!

What have you done, you melon head?

Fractured my wrist in two places.

Saving a puppy from a collapsing kennel.

You jinxster. You look rough!

Get it? Ruff!

That's not what Callum the footie captain thought.

-He drew you a football?

-And a goal. Milly liked it too.

THE Milly James?

She thought I was "brave and inspirational".

-No way!

-Ow.

-You got a heart over every "i" in inspirational!

Oh, yeah.

Miss Atkins is going to write a poem on it

in her favourite fountain pen.

See ya!

MUSIC: "Use Somebody" By Kings Of Leon

# You know that I can use somebody...

# Someone like you!

# Whoa-a-a-ah, ah-h-h

# Whoa-a-a-ah, ah-h-h

HE TURNS THE MUSIC OFF

I wasn't doing anything, boss, honest.

That's the trouble.

I tell you,

that new Metal Motors Garage across the street is doing us in.

We've got to get out there and start drumming up some trade.

I don't mean that sort of drumming.

Hang on.

What did you mean, "we"?

What do I get for drumming up some trade?

Well, I don't know, a sense of purpose.

A reason for getting up in the morning.

Pride in a job worth doing, a job well done.

HE SNORTS

All right, 25 per cent of every pound you bring in.

You'll have to do better than that, Steve.

A quarter of every pound you bring in.

Yeah. Done!

That's my boy.

Well, what am I going to do, eh?

Sorry, I thought you could read my mind. About getting a Brad.

But not Brad, Brad - my own Brad. But Brader, Bradist, Brad...ish?

MOBILE BEEPS

Kit's dancing partner has busted her ankle. Oh, what do I care?

I've got my own problems. Dede, how am I going to get to be prom queen?

Sorry. If you want to go to all that trouble,

just for some pointless title, you're on your own.

-I've got my own battles to fight.

-What are you doing?

Phase one of Get Babcock To The Ball.

I would have said, "prom", but it lacks alliteration.

Great!

B-T-W, does she ever speak?

Theresa is a girl of few but choice words.

Erm. Ah!

"Brains are beautiful"?

Guys, can't you see I'm having a C to the R to the ISIS here?

This is what I'm talking about.

Being fabulous isn't about the clothes you wear or the guy you date.

It's about the kind of person you are. Inside!

You shouldn't need a boyfriend just to become prom queen.

It's not a boyfriend, it's an accessory.

It's like an Alice band - only not like an Alice band

cos that's not a cool accessory. Is it?

It doesn't matter what you call it.

If we don't stand up to the Cheerups on this, every perfectly normal,

single, intelligent girl will throw out all self-respect

and do something ludicrous, like...speed dating!

-Just to get a king for the prom.

-Yeah, I know, and that would be...

..Terrible.

Hi, I'm Sadie J and you've got three minutes to wow me.

-What are you doing?

-Speed dating. Tell me about yourself.

I've got a girlfriend.

Oops!

Hi, I bet you're an A-star student, aren't you? Wow, and handsome.

-Thanks.

-And sleep!

I just don't get it. Are there no single, talented,

non-manky toothed boys that could be my prom king?

# Oh, I bet you wondered how I knew

# About your plans to make me blue

# With some other guy I knew before... #

-Wow!

-DING!

Hey, Kit, how's you? So who are your mates?

-# The...

-Kitz...

-Katz... Show...

-Choir! #

Get in! So are the boys interested in being prom king?

Does Gaga wear spandex? The queen would have to be a choir girl.

Ta-da! Your new Esme has arrived.

Please, I replaced that loser hours ago. Saluta Senora Carletta!

MUSIC: "She Wolf" By Shakira

# A domesticated girl That's all you ask... #

Carletta, are you all right? Talk to me, talk to me.

Rehearsals start at seven, don't be late.

OK, big congrats, you're my new prom king.

Kidding, it's you, hot stuff. OK, you got the gig, handsome.

What are you doing? If you're not a triple threat,

you don't even hit the radar with these guys.

-What's a triple threat?

-Duh! Dancer, singer, diva!

These guys need a dynamite debut on the dance floor,

in heels and a headset, before they even give you the time of day.

Why didn't you just say so? I can do that!

This sister is literally a maniac on the dance floor. Oh!

Ow, ow, ow, watch it!

You're going to smudge the graffiti Ryan Andrews did.

-Doesn't matter, cheeky boy.

-Yeah, it does, he drew me a Bart Simpson.

-Look, he's saying...

-You've got competition.

No, "eat my shorts".

-Oh!

-Never mind two fractures, I've got three.

-No fair, how?!

-I broke it saving a baby seal from a troubling iceberg.

In the river. Milly James called me brave,

inspirational and incredible.

-Capital "I" - big, fat love heart.

-No!

-A couple more signatures and I'll have as many as you.

-This is war!

BOTH: Ow! Ow! Owww!

And that's why 72 persons,

including the lady mayoress, have signed my petition to allow

Theresa Babcock and girls like her to be allowed to attend the prom.

And enter the prom queen competition if they so choose.

We're trying to practise the routine here, in case you hadn't noticed.

Now what exactly is it you want?

Liberty, freedom,

emancipation from an outdated notion of what "fabulous" really is.

The people have spoken.

The prom is not a democracy, it's a dictatorship, and I'm the dictator!

I know you should never think ill of your fellow sister,

but I hate that small-minded, dung breath, dung muppet. Oh!

-Steve, Steve, I'm like the son you never had.

-I am the son you had!

-Now sign here.

-OK, lads, there's only one way to solve this.

Cast up.

Casts away.

-It's not fair, he's my dad!

-Ow!

Read it and weep, Steve. That quarter of every pound is going to cost you.

I figured the best way to bring people in was to go cosmopolitan

and offer them a free cappuccino or a cuppa

while they're getting their car fixed.

Very funny.

That's good.

Yes, you know, I haven't been a mechanic for 20 years without

realising that gimmicks like that are a waste of time.

It's working for Metal Motors across the street.

It's just a fad, beginners' luck.

The Cadillac is parked out in the yard.

It needs new wheels, new trim, the axle is kapuff

and so is the enginator.

-So, where is my cappuccino?

-I'll put the kettle on, shall I?

He won't be long. I'll just check it.

SHE WARBLES TUNELESSLY

-SINGS TERRIBLY:

-# Closed off from love I didn't feel the pain

# Once or twice was enough but it was all in vain

-BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICE:

-# Time starts to pass

# Before you know it's frozen... #

Gee, I'm really good!

# But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you

# They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth

# My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

# You cut me open and I

# Keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love

# I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding... #

-Dedes...!

-Sorry.

-Where did you learn to sing like that?

-It's a cross I have to bear.

My mum sings like Mariah Carey.

I couldn't... Could I?!

-So, how's the old campaign coming along, then?

-It's not.

Whitney's still refusing to let Theresa go to the prom,

even though she's got a king.

No!

That's why we're creating over 50 anti-prom T-shirts to wear

when we stage our brainiac flash mob at the event tomorrow.

SHE CHUCKLES

You're not joking?!

Guys, you don't have to go to all this trouble!

Why didn't you just ask me for help?

-I did!

-Sassy J can get the old Babcock

here into the competition - the Jenkster can pull a few strings!

Seriously? Sass, that would absolutely...

What do you want?

MUSIC: "Telephone" By Lady Gaga

# Hello, hello, baby, you called, I can't hear a thing

# I have got no service in the club, you see, see

# What, what, what did you say?

# You're breaking up on me

# Sorry I cannot hear you, I'm kind of busy

# Kind of busy

# Kind of busy

# Sorry I cannot hear you, I'm kind of busy

# Just a second, it's my favourite song they're going to play

# And I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, eh

# You should have made some plans with me, you knew that I was free

# And now you won't stop calling me, I'm kind of busy

# Stop calling, stop calling I don't want to think any more

# I left my head and my heart on the dance floor

# Stop calling, stop calling, I don't want to talk any more

# I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor

# Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh

# Stop telephoning me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me

# I'm busy, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh

# Stop telephoning me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me

# Call all you want but there's no-one home

# And you're not gonna reach my telephone

# Out in the club and I'm sipping that bub

# And you're not gonna reach my telephone

# Call all you want but there's no-one home

# And you're not gonna reach my telephone

# Out in the club and I'm sipping that bub

# And you're not going to reach my telephone. #

APPLAUSE

-So, now who wants to be my prom king?

-BOYS:

-Me, me, me!

OK, OK, OK. Go on then, I'll take everyone.

You can never have too many accessories!

Yes, I'm so close to prom queen, I almost feel a royal wave coming on!

-How good am I?!

-Well, technically, I sang it.

-I know, I'm brilliant!

OK, I've done that for you - how are you going to get

Theresa to get to the prom for me?

You bought that rubbish? Gaga, I'm good!

Sadie, why did I ever trust you?

Oh, come on, Dedes.

My dad has more of a chance of being prom queen than her.

She wouldn't know fabulous if it tapped her on the shoulder and

went, "Hey, I'm Fabulous McFabulous, but my mates call me Fabby!".

CLATTERING

Theresa, wait. Unbelievable! That's the whole point of our campaign.

If we could have got her into the prom,

we could have challenged the notion of what fabulous really is.

-But I suppose you agree with them anyway.

-Dedes!

-No, Sadie.

I'm never doing anything for you ever again!

She'll get over it! Won't she?!

That was Gaga-licious! In fact, it was greater than Gaga-licious.

-It was Gaga-listic!

-Thanks, Kit Kat!

I tremble at your twinkle toes,

I shiver at the soul in your soprano! You're going to kill

when you sing the Kitz Katz finale at the prom with me tonight!

-Let's go, Katz!

-I am, aren't I... 'Sing?!' What?! No!

Dedes!

Right, I've been thinking.

Seeing as you've got most of the hockey team's signatures

but none of the footie's, I might be tempted to do a swapsie.

-Forget it.

-Oh, come on!

-I've got at least three midfielders here I don't need.

-I mean, it's over.

-Since when?

-Since Milly James realised that there are no seals

or icebergs in the local river.

-And that I didn't break my wrist in the first place.

-But...

What?!

-Why?!

-Cos you're the plaster cast boy.

You saved a puppy from a collapsing kennel. Everyone loves you.

-I was jealous, all right?

-You melon head.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

I didn't do this saving the puppy.

-I trapped it in my nan's shopping scooter.

-No way!

-Mmm-hmm.

-You won't tell anyone, will you?

-No!

Danny. Danny. Danny! Danny!

Danny!

OK, spill. I haven't got long,

so keep your excuses short and to the point.

I don't have to make an excuse. For once.

I've got the Babcock into the prom.

-But how?

-Ahem. Theresa!

Or, should I say, waitress!

-That is...

-Mmm?

-..Terrible!

Just because she refuses to wear what those candy-brained

cheerleading chumps think is cool, she has to go in as the help?

-But, but...

-Get with the programme, Dede!

-She talks!

Sadie's found a valuable flaw in their armour.

The rules clearly state that anybody at the prom can enter

the prom-queen competition. Even the help.

No way! I don't know what to say.

Say, "I'm coming to the prom

"and I cannot wait to sing the lead vocal for you, Sass!"

Fine. But wait, how am I going to get into the prom?

No! Please don't make me! I hate taking off my uniform!

It's like a second skin!

No!

Sorry it's a couple of sizes too small. OK, ten.

So that's two teas and a double-shot cappuccino coming up.

What are you doing? You should be servicing cars, not serving tea!

Yeah, and how do you think the cars got here in the first place?

-Metal Motors is empty thanks to Keith's Cafeteria.

-Keith's...?

Have you heard yourself?

Can you see yourself?

-Chill out. It's just a few hot drinks, that's all.

-A few...?

Excuse me, which tea comes with the frosted fairy cakes?

Lapsang Souchong or Redbush?

Actually, we're fresh out of fairy cakes.

-But could I interest you in a rocky road?

-No. Sorry.

Your Cadillac is ready. Out the back.

Finally!

-Oh, sorry, I've just got to prepare your bill.

-Bill? What bill?

The bill for the work I've done on your car.

-That was for free, it says so on the poster.

-No, it doesn't.

It says, "Free tea and full service while you wait".

Excuse me, I just need to have a little chat with my mechanic.

Keith!

-Hey, Whitney, just the one accessory?

-The best one.

Do we agree, boys?

ALL: # No, no, no! #

One sec, guys, I just have to check my harmonies with my vocal coach!

Dedes, are you crazy? You can't do that here - someone might see you!

Where else am I supposed to go?

Behind the curtain!

Hey, lady.

Ready to stop the show with our show-stopping power performance?!

-Totalistically!

-Hey, Kit.

Not for me, darling - I've been carb-free since Year Five!

Well, go, then!

MUSIC STARTS

APPLAUSE

# Looking in your eyes, I see a paradise

# This world that I've found is too good to be true

# Let them say we're crazy, I don't care about that

# Put your hand in my hand, baby, don't ever look back

# Let the world around us just fall apart

# Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart

BOTH: # And we can build this dream together

# Standing strong forever

# Nothing's going to stop us now

# And if this world runs out of lovers

# We'll still have each other

# Nothing's going to stop us

# Nothing's going to stop us now... #

Whoa!

-Who's that?

-Dede!

# I'm so glad I found you

# I'm not going to lose you

# Whatever it takes, I will stay here with you

# Let them say we're crazy, what do they know?

# Put your arms around me, baby, don't ever let go

# Let the world around us just fall apart... #

If you can't beat them, join them!

# ..if we're heart to heart

# And we can build this dream together

# Standing strong forever

# Nothing's going to stop us now

# And if this world runs out of lovers

# We'll still have each other

# Nothing's going to stop us

# Nothing's going to stop us now

# Oh! #

Dedes, you were amazing!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Woo!

Whoa!

OMG, you guys! You're not going to believe this.

After you left last night, guess who got voted prom queen?

-Please say it's Theresa!

-Nuh-uh.

-Not Whitney?

-Nuh-uh.

It's our very own Dedes!

No way!

-I didn't even enter myself.

-I know!

BOTH: We did!

But why?

Cos, as somebody once told me, being fabulous isn't about what you

wear or who you date, it's about the kind of person you are inside.

Oh, congratulations, Dedes. This is so amazing, I feel a song coming on!

ALL: No!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd