Slumberlicious Sadie J


Slumberlicious

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Check out my tween-tastic slumbover guest list.

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Out of your league, never going to happen, she's in Faliraki,

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she SHOULD be. No, no, no, yes, yes, yes.

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That's me, you and Dede.

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-Dede's a "maybe".

-What can I g...?

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Oh. OMG! You are having a slumbover?

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-It's a sleepover meets a slumber night.

-I know what it is.

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I got to see this loser list.

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No way! All these girls are coming?

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-No...

-Chantel Levinson is coming.

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She's like me, only...British.

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And the rest. Totally A-list.

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She's so selective, she didn't even turn up to her own slumbover.

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-Ya-ha!

-Oh, look, you forgot somebody.

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-OMG! Chloe is coming to my slumbover?

-So that's four.

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Are you crazy? You have to help me.

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I've got to make sure all these other girls come, too.

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Sorry, Sass, drama o'clock!

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I've got my acting appraisal, emphasis on the "praisal"!

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PHONE RINGS

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-'Hello, Sadie?'

-Hey, Deeds!

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'Are you in the hardware store?'

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Of course I'm in the hardware store.

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Yep, picking up those nine-inch nails right now.

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-Shh!

-Oh, really?

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And what about the spring balanced coils?

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Er, let me check.

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Not there, not there...

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Ah, got 'em!

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One sec, Deeds.

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I knew you were bunking off.

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That's why I went there myself.

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Sass, we're on a deadline.

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-The Trembler Teapot T-2000 won't invent itself.

-More's the pity.

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We're presenting this to THE Duncan Bannatyne tomorrow and this was the last thing we had to do.

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Oh, no, don't pull that face with me.

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You're the one who signed us up for Dragons' Den.

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That's when I thought we'd invent bacon and egg flavoured lipstick.

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-Not some fancy teapot for grannies.

-Just admit it.

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You've been totally distracted by this stupid slumbover, again.

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Don't be ridonculous!

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I was...

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researching spouts for our teapot.

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-Yes. They don't have them here.

-Enough with the lying.

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-We've got work to do.

-No!

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# Won't somebody tell me why I'm always surrounded by boys

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# Give me a break

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# They got attitude, kind of cute

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# But when they're in trouble Takes a girl to save the day

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# I'd love another girl around the place - you could be her

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# Someone to back me up so I'll always have the last word

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# I guess it's hard to be the only girl in a boys' world

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# Girl, girl

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# I know I'm stronger because I've got a positive mental attitude

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# Understanding, kind of sensitive Don't want gratitude

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# I just don't want to be the only girl in a boys' world. #

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I promise you, Mr Bannatyne, little old ladies will never spill

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a drop of Earl Grey tea ever again.

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It's tremble-proof, thermos-insulated,

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it's got a biscuit pouch and it's constantly tuned in to Crinkly FM.

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-What do you think?

-Sorry, what?

-Sadie!

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This is important. Whereas this...

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-What is this and why has it got my name on it?

-It's a slumber pack.

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A personalised goodie bag for coming to my slumbover.

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-Seriously?

-Give me a break, I'm on a budget.

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I spent everything on the marshmallow fountain mountain.

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This slumbover has gone A to the A, to the A, A, A-list.

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Once Chloe thought Chantel was coming and Chantel thought Chloe

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was coming, it all fell into place.

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Now Joe, Jodie, Jem and Jasmine are in and maybe Tish, Tash and Keisha.

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Sadie, focus.

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This needs two hours on a low heat.

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Don't move. I'm already late for my astro-physiognomy workshop.

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You signed up for that snore fest?

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I'm teaching it!

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I don't have time for this. I've got a slumbover to plan.

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This needs two hours on a low heat.

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Or five minutes on a super-hot turbo.

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SMASH

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Houston, we have a problem.

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That's it. My love life is officially over.

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-I haven't had one date since my nan cut my hair.

-Wheel nuts.

-It's true.

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No, pass me the wheel nuts.

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Grow, grow.

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Hi.

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-Hi.

-Couldn't spare a bit of air, could you?

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Ha-ha- ha!

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I meant for my flat tyre, silly.

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Actually, we're more Peugeot than push bike here, love.

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-If you want to go up the road there's a...

-What's he like?

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-One, two, three...

-Paper.

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-Rock.

-Yes! Get in! You lose.

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OK, OK, just one more. Double or nothing.

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You said that the last ten times.

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Just one more. This time I know how to win. And if you win,

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we'll spend the rest of the day doing whatever you want to do.

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Well, OK.

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And remember, whoever wins will be the rock...

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solid champion. They will rock...

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-this tree house.

-What are you doing?

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Nothing. You rock.

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OK.

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One, two, three...

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-Scissors.

-Paper. You were supposed to say rock.

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Oh, I thought you were choosing rock.

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You kept saying it.

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-Double or nothing.

-No.

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I can do whatever I want today.

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Oi!

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Ah, this feels good.

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Sass! Sass!

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You will not believe what my acting tutor said in my appraisal.

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I totally lack versatility, I'm only good with musical numbers

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and I couldn't play tough even if I were playing Toughie McTough!

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Kit, that's an insult.

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How dare he! I'll show that...

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that corduroy-wearing, coffee-breath dandruff monster I can play tough.

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-How?

-I'm going to get the part of the Sheriff in Robin Hood On Ice.

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I was pencilled as a merry man but now I'm not so merry.

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BTW, what are we doing here?

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Nothing. Say "cheese".

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Cheese!

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You broke the teapot Dede and I made.

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When I say Dede and I, I mean Dede.

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No fair!

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Why don't you just tell her the truth?

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Brilliant, Kitkat, I will.

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-Albeit, a Sadie Jenkins version of the truth.

-Which would be a lie.

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Naturally. But not a big one.

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I'll think up a simple believable fib to tie it all up very subtly.

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OMG, Deeds, you will not believe what just happened.

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My house was just hit by a lean, mean, burgling machine.

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I'm not kidding!

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He tore this place to pieces.

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He was a cold-blooded bounty hunter with a keen appreciation of...

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pottery. That's why he stole your teapot, I'm guessing. Uh-huh.

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Mm-hm.

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Great, fine, bye.

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Let me see if I can translate.

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Dede's coming over here to the crime scene...

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But we don't have a crime scene.

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Duh, that's exactly what I just said.

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HE PUMPS AIR

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-But aren't you Dominic Astor, the Olympic badminton player?

-Nah!

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-Nah.

-It's just with the hair and everything.

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I am absolutely, totally and utterly in love with Dominic.

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Gotcha.

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Of course I'm Dominic, the Dom Dommy - the Dom-Dom, to my chums.

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-He's a Dom-Dom all right.

-No way!

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I saw your last match in Beijing.

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You totally trashed that Canadian.

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Aah! Aah ha-ha-ha!

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So, why are you working here?

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Yes, tell me. Why are you working here?

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-Dommy?

-Er...

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Just helping out my old daddy, aren't I?

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Please, not one date cos of this.

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Golly, you are, like, beyond sweet.

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Finding time to work in this smelly little place just to help

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your decrepit old father.

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I know this is going to sound a bit crazy, but would you even consider

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-going out on a date with me?

-Er...

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Maybe.

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Oh. Call me.

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Hermione.

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Hoggy for short.

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Yes. Who said this haircut didn't suit me? I've got a date.

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Er, correction, Dominic has got a date.

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You can't play badminton. You can't even play a mechanic.

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I can play badminton. It's the one with the horses, right?

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HE SNORES

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This is not my idea of fun.

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But you said we could do what I wanted to do today.

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Reading, relaxing and eating fine food? How old are you, 150?

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I want adventure, I want excitement, I want a challenge.

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Yeah, and I want someone to pick my nose for me,

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but we can't all get what we want, can we?

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So sit down, chillax and button it.

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-But...

-I said button it.

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Sass, you're acting like a loonbag!

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Correction! You are a loonbag! What are you doing?

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We have three minutes and 20 seconds to make a crime scene.

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Otherwise Deeds realises I lied and makes me stay up all night

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rebuilding that stupid teapot, ruining my slumbover party!

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Bubba Nougat?!

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To be a criminal, you've got to act criminal. Now, wreck something.

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-But I just had these buffed.

-Well, it's time to get your hands dirty.

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Are you tough or are you Toughie McTough?

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I feel a devious laugh coming on.

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Mwah-ha-ha-ha!

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-SPANISH ACCENT:

-Hi, I'm a man on the edge.

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A renegade on the run.

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I thought the Sheriff was from Nottingham?

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Erm, yeah, via Barcelona.

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Cool.

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Stop!

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Even the sheriff wouldn't wreck a good kitten heel.

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DOORBELL

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Dede! I'll take care of the teapot, you go get her.

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Dede's going to kill me.

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Do I have to? Take that as a yes.

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OMG. This place is trash.

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But the burglar didn't actually get down here.

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Oh.

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We've been burgled!

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This house was hit?

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Result! Adventure, excitement

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and a challenge have literally come knocking on our door.

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Put down the fine food, Jakie boy, we've got a crime to solve.

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Ah, your dinner's in the dog.

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Nice to see you've come back all dressed ready for work.

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Oi, I'm dressed for my date.

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This is pro badminton gear.

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What do you reckon?

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-Charming.

-Hey, Dom-Dom.

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-Hey, Dom-Dom's daddy.

-Hey, Hoggy.

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I've told everyone about our date.

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You're in your whites.

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Please show me your signature under-hand drop shot.

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Pretty please with extra sprinkles of Hermione on top?

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Er, my signature shot...

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Oh, yes. Please do it. We'd all love to see it.

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Sorry, can't do it without a ball.

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You mean shuttlecock.

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-Ha ha.

-Of course.

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Us badmintonians like to call it a ball. Inside joke, you see.

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Wowee! You aren't even looking.

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You could play blindfolded and still win.

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Well, I don't like to brag but,

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yes, yes, I could.

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-Shall we shuttle our way out of here?

-Toodle-oo. Enjoy.

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I just run the business.

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Oh. Spanner?

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You're better than him.

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-Yes, you are.

-There you are. What are you doing?

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We've got a crime to solve and you're just lying around.

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-A-ha! That's what you think.

-Ya-huh.

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-I'm doing research.

-What?

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"How to be a slob?"

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No. I'm watching all the classic detective shows.

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Inspector Morse, A Touch Of Frost, Scooby-Doo.

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-Inspector Morse?

-And my investigations have led me to deduce

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that they've all got one thing in common.

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Doughnuts.

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Jake!

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You're a genius.

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Let me see the crime scene.

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OMG.

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I know!

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-I mean I feel robbed.

-Literally!

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My one brave hope is the slumbover.

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They can't take that away from me!

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Are you sure you're up to it?

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You kidding? Soft drinks followed by pizza in the kitchen and then

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a chick-flick sandwich with a bromance in the middle back up here.

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-What do you reckon?

-Weird.

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All the broken glass is on the outside.

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Er, so, peeps, marshmallows or candy floss for the midnight feast?

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I eat man-wiches, with beef tomatoes and doorstops for bread.

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-No crisps.

-The burglar went to all this trouble

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and only would up with our Trembler Teapot T-2000?

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Er, that's because I disturbed him.

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-You saw him?

-Uh-huh.

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He was enormous. We're talking two men, practically a gang in one.

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I did everything I could to protect that teapot.

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-But he was unstoppable.

-Look what he did to Bubba Nougat!

-He's ruthless!

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And toothless! He was just a wall of gums and a baseball cap.

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What did the police say?

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Erm, nothing. They didn't even come round.

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Not worth their time and energy, apparently.

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What is the world coming to, eh?

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-So anyway, Slumbover Central here we come!

-Hang on.

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I know what's going on here.

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You do?

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-This is post-traumatic stress.

-They were in X Factor, weren't they?

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You're nervous, you're fidgeting, you're babbling about the slumbover.

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Don't you understand? You've had a very difficult experience, Sass.

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What you need is a nice cup of hot chocolate and a sit down.

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I do? I mean yeah, I do.

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Kit, you take Sass downstairs and put the kettle on.

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-I'll tidy up in here.

-SHE WHIMPERS

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Don't you worry about a thing.

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This slumberover is going to be slumber-nificent.

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Seriously, Deeds, don't do the made-up-words thing.

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OK, chief, run down the profile for me again.

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Well, guv, word on the street is that most burglars are 16 to 37,

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male, with mean, beady eyes and a cauliflower ear. Kind of like this.

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But with a nose. I can't draw them.

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I hear what you're saying, Jake, but my gut says that this creep knew

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Sadie had the teapot in her bedroom.

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My gut says that this is someone we know.

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Now, either my gut is right

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or these doughnuts are dodgy.

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Someone we know...

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Like Kit.

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-Who's doing salsa jazz.

-Dede!

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She would have cracked by now.

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-What about Sadie? A double bluff, perhaps.

-Don't even go there.

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She's perfection.

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I mean no motive. Steve?

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Airtight alibi. He's my dad.

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Well, that only leaves Keith and Roger.

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Well, it's obvious, innit?

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No-one leaves this room until you fess up, fuzz face!

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We know where you live!

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Oh yay, oh yay, oh yay! Get in! Result!

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This is slumber-licious. Top-tastic.

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Fun in a bun with cherries on top.

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The Jakester pulls it off!

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Am I a terrible person,

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letting my friend tidy up while I do the conga down here?

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-Dede loves to clean.

-You're right.

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PHONE RINGS

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So, it's all over town that your house got turned over.

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You know Chantel has a phobia of burglars since she got burgled?

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So I thought I might have the slumbover at mine.

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No! No, you can't, because, erm...

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I'm thinking. ..because, erm...

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Still thinking. Got it!

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We haven't had a burglar in the house, we've had a builder here.

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Go on...

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I'm, erm, having my bedroom remodelled.

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No!

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I had the manicure bar in the corner and the juke box on the bed!

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Anyway, got to go. Slumbover to plan. See you in...

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Blimey, 30 minutes?!

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OMG, Kit, we've got to start planning this slumbover right now!

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That fountain mountain won't fill itself.

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No can do, girlfriend. The Kit-Kat has his first sheriff audition in...

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-Blimey, 30 minutes?!

-But Kit, with my superior delegation skills

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and your brilliance at making fairy cakes, we'll be done in no time.

0:18:100:18:13

Look, sister, that was the old Kit.

0:18:130:18:16

I'm a bad boy now. This guy don't do slumbovers no more, fo' sure, fool.

0:18:160:18:19

Wow, you could play the sheriff!

0:18:190:18:22

I didn't overdo it with the "fool"?

0:18:220:18:23

-No, that was a lovely touch.

-Thanks. See you.

0:18:230:18:27

But, Kit, I need you!

0:18:270:18:29

So does Robin Hood On Ice.

0:18:310:18:33

Such a shame about the teapot, Roger.

0:18:350:18:38

There's no way I'd be able to rebuild it in time for tomorrow.

0:18:380:18:41

I can't even remember the design for the second spout.

0:18:410:18:44

It's true. I don't know if it was concave or convex.

0:18:440:18:48

Or split-lipped or curved.

0:18:480:18:51

Roger, I'm serious.

0:18:510:18:54

Where did you find this?

0:18:570:18:59

She didn't?! She did! She broke my teapot!

0:19:020:19:06

No. She wouldn't. She couldn't.

0:19:060:19:10

There was a burglar, wasn't there, Roger? Please say yes.

0:19:100:19:14

Hmm...

0:19:170:19:18

OK, first rule of surveillance - don't alert the suspect.

0:19:240:19:29

PHONE RINGS

0:19:290:19:31

PHONE RINGS

0:19:340:19:36

Dominic Astor speaking. Hi, Hoggy.

0:19:360:19:39

He's using a fake name! Only criminals use fake names.

0:19:390:19:43

Oh, yes, I finish at seven.

0:19:430:19:45

Why don't you swing by?

0:19:450:19:48

Cheerio.

0:19:480:19:51

His hair!

0:19:510:19:54

THEY GASP

0:19:540:19:55

Guv?

0:19:550:19:57

We got a match.

0:19:570:19:59

-We need six goodie bags and a megamix for the MP3 player.

-Done it.

0:19:590:20:03

-12 pillows and a duvet?

-On it.

0:20:030:20:05

We've only got cheesy Chinese nacho balls, and Jo is lactose intolerant.

0:20:050:20:10

One sniff of a Cheddar slice and she inflates like a blowfish.

0:20:100:20:12

Relax, Sass, it's going to be fine. You've got it all under control.

0:20:120:20:16

And besides, these are just satellite attractions orbiting

0:20:160:20:20

the main star, your chocalicious marshmallow fountain mountain!

0:20:200:20:25

Where is it?!

0:20:250:20:27

Oh, no. You've been burgled. Again.

0:20:270:20:30

Don't be ridiculous, Danny and Jake just probably moved it.

0:20:300:20:33

Their body mass index wouldn't support a third of its weight.

0:20:330:20:38

-Not that I picked it up or anything.

-Then where the fizzy pop is it?

0:20:380:20:42

Obvious. Your burglar's come back.

0:20:420:20:44

77% of 43% of studies show that 96% of burglars return

0:20:440:20:48

within a 24-hour window of their first crime.

0:20:480:20:51

-I've heard.

-But I was never b...

0:20:510:20:54

-Yes?

-I was never believing in those statistics before.

0:20:540:21:00

But now you say it, I probably was burgled, erm, again.

0:21:000:21:05

OK, let's lock this crime scene down and call the police.

0:21:050:21:07

-The police?!

-Yuh-huh!

0:21:070:21:09

Now you've got a serial burglar it's way more serious.

0:21:090:21:15

DOORBELL

0:21:150:21:16

The guests are here! We'll shove a chocolate bar on the radiator.

0:21:160:21:19

They'll never know the difference.

0:21:190:21:20

-OK, I'll just tell them about the burglary.

-What?!

0:21:200:21:23

It's a dangerous crime scene, Sass. They have the right to know.

0:21:230:21:27

And besides, doesn't Chantel

0:21:270:21:29

have a fear of burglars since she got burgled? I'll get the door.

0:21:290:21:33

No! This slumber ship is going down!

0:21:330:21:36

Everybody grab a lifeboat! Deeds, it's my fault, OK?

0:21:360:21:39

Don't blame yourself. You're the victim in this situation.

0:21:390:21:43

No, you're the victim. I had plans for my slumbover,

0:21:430:21:46

and then you asked me to dry a teapot.

0:21:460:21:48

I was, like, "Slow speed? Nuh-uh, turbo speed." And then it smashed.

0:21:480:21:52

-I know.

-And I faked it in a burglary.

0:21:520:21:53

-I know!

-And now there's been a real burglary!

0:21:530:21:57

No.

0:21:570:21:58

Uh-oh.

0:22:040:22:05

Deeds, I'm so sorry. I swear I'll make it up to you.

0:22:060:22:10

I'll do anything, as long as I can have this slumbover.

0:22:100:22:12

Chantel and Chloe will destroy me if I pull out now.

0:22:120:22:15

Absolutely anything!

0:22:150:22:17

Anything?

0:22:170:22:19

Hey. I'm Dominic.

0:22:250:22:27

-Call me Dom-Dom.

-More like Dum-Dum.

0:22:270:22:31

Wow!

0:22:310:22:33

You look... Wow.

0:22:330:22:35

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

0:22:350:22:38

And she's ruined it.

0:22:380:22:40

I've got a surprise for you.

0:22:400:22:42

I'm taking to meet Mummy, Papa and my sister Bun-Bun.

0:22:420:22:46

-Bun-Bun?

-It's short for Marigold.

0:22:460:22:48

-Of course it is.

-You want me to meet your folks?

0:22:480:22:50

Mm-hm! I think you're a keeper.

0:22:500:22:53

You can keep me, all right.

0:22:530:22:55

-Thank you, haircut!

-Does Dommy want a Hoggy huggy?

0:22:550:22:59

< YELLS

0:23:010:23:03

-Busted! He's a teapot thief!

-Dominic Astor is a teapot thief?

0:23:040:23:10

-I'm not a teapot thief!

-You're not Dominic Astor!

0:23:100:23:12

You're not Dominic Astor?

0:23:140:23:15

Yes, I...

0:23:150:23:18

No.

0:23:180:23:20

I never thrashed that Canadian.

0:23:200:23:22

I never played in Beijing. I don't even know what Beijing is.

0:23:220:23:25

I was just going through a dry phase because of my nan cut.

0:23:250:23:30

And then you came along and turned it all around, and I just thought

0:23:300:23:33

Keith wasn't good enough for you, so I pretended to be Dominic.

0:23:330:23:36

If you could just give me a chance, you might get to know the real me.

0:23:360:23:41

And I might not be able to play badminton, but I'm a keeper.

0:23:410:23:45

Can you play ping-pong?

0:23:460:23:49

Polo?

0:23:490:23:51

-Petanque?

-Oh, yes, I love that!

0:23:510:23:53

She means petanque, not Ker-plunk.

0:23:530:23:55

Oh.

0:23:550:23:58

I'm very sorry, Keith, but if you can't handle a mallet,

0:23:580:24:03

a racket or a saddle, I'm afraid it can never be.

0:24:030:24:08

So let me get this straight.

0:24:100:24:12

You're not Dominic Astor.

0:24:120:24:15

You didn't burgle this house.

0:24:150:24:19

And your nan cut your hair?!

0:24:190:24:21

Well, obviously, it's an open-and-shut case, Jakey boy.

0:24:210:24:25

The dog did it.

0:24:250:24:27

Right. But there's still one thing I don't get.

0:24:270:24:30

What's petanque?

0:24:300:24:32

Not yet. We're still on the spouts.

0:24:400:24:41

We also need to get the engine running, the aerial in place and

0:24:410:24:45

the second spout fixed if I'm going to pitch to the Dragons tomorrow.

0:24:450:24:48

Deeds...!

0:24:480:24:51

What? You said anything.

0:24:510:24:53

Right, that's it.

0:24:530:24:54

This isn't slumber-licious, it's a snooze fest.

0:24:540:24:58

Come on, Chantel, let's split. No!

0:24:580:25:02

No... Yes. This is the lamest slumbover ever, jinxster.

0:25:020:25:06

Are you kidding? This teapot rocks!

0:25:060:25:08

I haven't had so much fun since Fantasia's crossword party.

0:25:080:25:14

Totally!

0:25:140:25:16

I was just, er, kidding!

0:25:160:25:19

Get in!

0:25:190:25:20

Come on, guys, T minus ten hours until the Dragons' Den deadline.

0:25:200:25:26

Nobody move! Loot on the table. I mean business!

0:25:260:25:30

THEY SCREAM

0:25:300:25:32

# And maybe now I can finally let this go

0:25:390:25:44

# I can finally let you know

0:25:440:25:47

# Cos I'm not afraid to fall... #

0:25:470:25:52

Life is so unfair.

0:25:520:25:54

# If you're the one who catches me

0:25:540:25:56

# Tell me that you'll be there

0:25:560:25:59

# I'm about to lose it all Cos you're the one who helps me see

0:26:020:26:08

# That sometimes it's OK to fall

0:26:080:26:13

# Sometimes it's OK to fall... #

0:26:140:26:19

Oops.

0:26:190:26:21

Yeuch.

0:26:210:26:23

And so the Trembler Teapot T-2000 will revolutionise the tea drinking

0:26:410:26:46

of old ladies all over the world.

0:26:460:26:48

That's why I need just £40,000 for a 15% stake in my business, Dede-Sass.

0:26:480:26:54

I'm sure you'll agree that's a watertight investment.

0:26:540:26:58

I'll just be off.

0:26:580:27:00

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