Pixiepoplistic Part 1 Sadie J

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Oh, this better be worth it, Sass.

I was on my way to my acting appraisal...aaouch!

It is worth it! In fact, it's beyond worth it.

Guess who's going to be on

Poptastic TV's Surprise Celeb Partay?

-Oh my Lady Gaga! That is fantastalistic!

-I know!

What is Poptastic Surprise Celeb Partay?

Uh, duh!

Where you throw a surprise party for your favourite celeb.

They broadcast from your house so everyone can see

how celebtastically connected you are.

Last week Leylani from Leicester threw a foam party for Pharrell.

So, who's your celeb?

-Pixie Lott!

-HE SCREAMS

I know! And it's all happening tonight.

Pixie's on her way.

All I have to do is beat the other girl on the shortlist.

RECORD SCRATCH There's another girl?

Oh, chillax! It's no biggie.

I just have to meet the show's producer, Daisy,

and prove to her I love Pixie more,

and my party idea is way more perfect.

I'll breeze it cos I'm Pixie's biggest fan.

I know more about her than she knows herself.

Like, her hair's naturally curly, not straight.

Her favourite food is pineapple, and her real name's Victoria.

-No way!

-Way!

Oh, Mel G! It's in the bag.

Nothing is going to stand in the way of us and that Pixie Lott partay!

MUSIC: "All About Tonight" by Pixie Lott

-RECORD SCRATCH

-Why aren't you ready?

My game's in ten.

BOTH: Huh?

The baseball game against Browncone Buffaloes?

Biggest game of my career?

Duh, Taylor. That's on Saturday.

Oh, Mel G! It's Saturday!

You can still come, right? I mean, you're my lucky charm.

Well, I'd love to, obvs, but it's completely impossible.

I've got a Pixie Lott parta...

Are you a total bongatron? Taylor's your new beau, your squeeze.

You're Taydie now.

You can't just flunk out on your first foray into girlfriend duties!

Seriously? Do I really have to choose?

-OK, fine! Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.

-SHE SIGHS

Give me five. I'll be right there.

Awesome! Thanks, S!

Ouch! Pixie pain in my heart!

Oh, well. At least I did the right thing.

To Gaga with the right thing!

There is no way I'm going to pass up the chance to meet Pixie.

That is why moi is going to bag the gig for you.

Nah-uh! Daisy the producer is expecting Sadie J,

a 14-year-old girl.

Face it, Kit. It's game over. I'll call Daisy and cancel.

Wait!

There is someone who can step in.

She's totally wrong, and it'll probably all end up in tears...

..but she's our last ticket to Pixie town.

She? Who?

MUSIC: "Love Is Like a Butterfly" by Dolly Parton

Nooooooo!

# Won't somebody tell me why

# I'm always surrounded by boys?

# Give me a break

# They've got attitude, Kind of cute

# But when they're in trouble Tricks are good

# To save the day, to save the day

# I'd love another girl Around the place

# Could you be her?

# Someone to back me up so I always

# Have the last word

# I guess it's hard To be the only girl

# In a boys' world

# Girl, girl

# In a boys'...

# I know I'm strong because I've got a positive

# Mental attitude

# Understanding, kind of sensitive

# Don't want gratitude

# I just don't wanna be The only girl

# In a boys' world. #

Look, as much as I'd love to, I can't.

I just got an A-minus in my optional astrophysics module.

Congratulations!

Commiserations. I want an A-star.

Luckily, because I got it in early, Mr Hogworthy said

if I resubmit it tonight, he'll re-mark it in the morning.

But Deeds, this is Sadie's chance to meet her fave celeb of all time.

I thought Nicole Scherzinger was her fave celeb of all time.

That's her fave US celeb of all time.

But, Kit, I don't even know who this Pixie Lott is.

That's why Sadie created you Pixie Lott party pack.

To help you get the gig.

Full of popalicious Pixie party ideas.

Whatever you do, don't let Daisy see it.

Technically, it's cheating.

But you don't get it.

I could never pass for a trendy girl like Sass.

MUSIC: "Di Quella Pira" by Giuseppe Verdi

-RECORD SCRATCH

-But...but, but...

No more buts!

The point is we have to do this for Sass.

That's what BFFs are for.

And she's our best BFF.

BOTH: Go, Sassy! Go, Sassy! Go, Sassy!

Go on, say it. You've got THE coolest BFF ever.

-Are you ready to rumba?

-I was born ready!

MUSIC: "Hello" by Martin Solveig and Dragonette

Put down your rulebook and read my lips.

-This little lot are Dede...

-Don't do it!

.. Delicious!

Can I just say I know this entire situation is simply...

Remarkable! You've excelled yourself, Baxter.

-I try my best!

-Does she ever!

This girl here can turn her hand to anything, can't you?

In fact, I'm amazed she isn't in pole position

for that Deputy Head Girl role.

-How unsubtle.

-Agreed!

Dede, you're back in the running.

Unsubtle works for me!

-CAR HORN PLAYS WEDDING MARCH

-Ta-dah! I saved the wedding!

-BOTH: After you wrecked the wedding.

-Details...

Wait!

Hi! Bieber! Diner! Popalicious! Brotastic!

Who? You? Danny? Jake? Keith? Dad? Roger?

It'll be bridesmaidamundo-tastically fabulicious.

Glitzilicious, glam-tastic,

and bursting with A-list Hollywood style.

I've got a Debbie Old Banger that needs a bodacious makeover

to get me into Bridesmaidamundo magazine.

-Say what?

-THEY GROAN

-Say what? Bieber's on the move?

-THEY SQUEAL

Gaga, I'm good.

You know what they say, if you can't Bieber 'em,

-Join 'em!

-SHE SQUEALS

CRASH!

I am 100% behind you, because you are my best mate,

and you deserve it.

THEY SCREAM RECORD SCRATCH

Who is this Bieber?

And why is he coming to my Y?

Only the best bopalicious boy to bop, ever!

And when he comes to shoot his video here,

it'll be goodbye Selena Goatface...

-BOTH: Baaa!

-..Gomez, Hello, supercool Sassa J.

We'd make the perfect power couple.

THEY SCREAM WEDDING MARCH PLAYS

She's our best BFF.

I'm Kit's bezzie. His big BFF. I bet he's told you all about me.

SHE SCREAMS

-I want that tofu tamale! Oh!

-CRASH!

I'm so going to blind him with my beauty, style,

and grace...argh!

Sadie. But you can call me Sass. The Sasster. Sassy J, Jassy Sassy.

What am I saying?

Oh, Mel G! Have you seen the Justin Bieber competition

in Scandalicious magazine?

HE SIGHS Are you handling this, or shall I?

My pleasure.

BLENDER WHIZZES

I'll take that as a no.

Didn't want to say I told you so. So I showed you so.

OMLG, you did not throw the contest for me!

Too right! That's what BFFs do.

Friends again?

BOTH: Yeah!

Congratulations, you're the new Head Girl!

Zingon blasters! I'm the new Head Girl!

APPLAUSE

Yes, but...I...this is outrageous!

I don't know what to say!

Say, "Thanks for realising what an idiot you've been, Sass.

"And how lucky you are to have me."

I love them almost as much as I love you.

BOTH: Right back atcha!

OK, fine. I will meet with this producer

and do my best to get Sadie the gig.

-Woo!

-As long as I am done by six,

so I can rewrite my essay tonight.

No problem! Nyet problema!

Oh, acting appraisal o'clock! Bon luck!

Hang on, Kit! I don't even know who this TV producer, Daisy, is!

That'd be me. And you must be...

..Sadie Jenkins?

Ya-hah, that's me! Dede...

.. I mean, Sadie! Sassy J. The Jenkster.

And I just can't wait to tell you how much I love Goblin.

I mean, Pixie!

Now, can we get going? I'm in a bit of a tight deadline...

We're waiting for the other girl on the shortlist.

Other girl?

-What other girl?

-Me, dummy!

SIRENS BLARE

OMLG! I'm toast! Ashlii never plays fair!

CAR BRAKES SCREECH CRASH

Please just tell me this is your friend?

An overly-friendly friend?

Sadie, this is my girlfriend, Ashlii.

But I...

But, nothing! Just take the shake, then take a hike.

Taylor is totally off limits to losers like you.

BTW, didn't you get the memo?

Fashion's supposed to IMPROVE your appearance.

OMLG! The poor guy is dating a monster!

I've got to get rid of her.

Sadie and Taylor are perfect together?

Not on my turf!

OK, Taylor. I think it's time we had The Chat.

The Chat?

-About getting back together.

-But you dumped me.

Duh! We all make mistakes. So, are we back on, yeah?

Uh... Don't think so.

-In that case, please accept this as a goodbye present.

-Oh, thanks.

-What is it?

-The dos and don'ts of acting, dummy.

You're on stage in less than 24 hours and, believe me,

you need all the help you can get.

-Look, it's full of amazing tips.

-Oh, really?

-Oh, yeah.

It says here that under no circumstances must you talk to

or look at fellow cast members on the day of the show.

-Why not?

-Bad luck, apparently.

Like saying Macbeth instead of The Scottish Play.

Oops! Sorry!

I mean, you don't want to wreck the show, do you?

-No!

-In that case, you'd better ignore everyone.

And I mean EVERYONE.

Have you seen Taylor Bell?

He's about yay high, totally Bieberlicious.

-Taylor! I bring good news!

-Don't talk to me!

What's up with him?

I wish you wouldn't be like that. It's SO not nice.

I mean, how are you supposed to know he asked me to go back out with him?

-Say what?

-Yeah, it's awesome, innit?

But, just because he's made his choice,

and it's not you,

that's no excuse for being SO horrific.

And, I mean, he might think you're a loser, desperado, nonentity...

He said that?

That was the edited version.

CAMERA CLICKS

I knew it! You're about as vegetarian as Ms V's wolfhound!

Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me, Jenkster.

Not!

Ashlii, my darling. Do you know if Sadie J is here?

Don't say anything! My dad will ground me!

My silence comes at a price.

-Ashlii, I'm waiting!

-OK, anything!

-I'll do anything!

-That's more like it.

Hmmm...Sadie J? Let me think...

-Skinny, dishwater blonde?

-My hair is not the colour of dishwater!

Compared to my mop of bodacious black, it is.

Nope! Haven't seen that loser all day.

She hasn't seen that loser all day.

-Thanks, Ashlii. I owe you one.

-You certainly do.

And you're going to pay...big time!

Hey, Sass. Ready for your Lamefest?

-I mean, Fright Night?

-Too right.

One bad review, and it's all over the world

that you're a social nonentity, slash, mega loser.

Think you can handle the pressure?

Totalistically.

Handle The Pressure is my middle name.

-I thought it was Blodwen.

-Shush!

Be there, or be scared!

I mean, and. Be there, AND be scared. See yas.

Erm, I've come as a wicked witch.

Yeah...stretch.

-What are you doing?

-Oh, didn't I mention?

Kalisha's decided to broadcast your Fright Night

live on AAAAARGH.com.

Uh...but, but, I, erm...

Oh, don't be intimidated.

Kalisha's only got 17,000 viewers, who will ping her their comments...

-Great, erm...

-..and those 17,000

have each got around 3,000 social network followers.

Who have their own followers. In the thousands.

I'm not good at maths, but I'm thinking there's going to be

at least a million people who are going to see you

FAIL miserably tonight.

Oh, Mel G, Carly from Ipswich

already says this Fright Night sucks.

I know I do this all the time, but...

SHE SCREAMS

Sadie, this is Ashlii. Ashlii, Sadie.

Er, no it's not.

Say anything, and I'll... Tell Ms V you take her tips.

-How did you know about that?

-I didn't. But now I do.

Whatevs. I'm going to thrash you anyways.

Not with my Pixie Lott party pack.

It's full of everything I need to get the gig.

Pixie pop facts, partay suggestions...

..the lot!

OK, so, who'd like to go first in telling me

why they're the biggest Pixie Lott fan?

Ashlii, you're up.

Well, I'm easily the biggest Pixie fan.

I know stuff about her that she doesn't know herself.

Like her hair is naturally curly, not straight.

Her fave food is pineapple, and her real name is Victoria.

Well done! You really know your stuff!

Sadie?

Call yourself a fan? I know way more deets than that.

Sadie?

Erm...well, the thing is...

..did you know that Pixie is, erm...

..half French?

With a twist of Cornish?

And that she's only got, erm...

..nine toes?

I'm afraid that's not true. I've seen all ten.

Ashlii, maybe you'd like to tell me

what kind of party you'd throw for Pixie.

Well, I'm thinking something really, really cool.

Like a divalistic disco.

-Oooh!

-With a Pixie hologram in every room,

ice sculptures and a Pixie popalistic VIP chill out zone.

Love it!

Sadie?

Well, I was thinking a...

..jelly and ice cream party.

With the letter P for Pixie in chocolate buttons on top, and...

-RECORD SCRATCH

-..er...Twister?

Why do I let you get me into these things, Sadie J?

Give me Y, give me an E,

give me a "Y-E-S"! What does that spell?

Disaster! This is the stupidest idea you have ever come up with.

Have you seen Sadie?

I cannot believe she'd hijack such a serious campaign

just to impress a boy. It won't work

As president of the local Vegetarian And Pescetarian Club,

I've tried everything to get a veggie dish on the diner menu.

There is no way she's going to wreck our cause and the Club's reputation

with any more inappropriate and frankly stupid schemes.

Could you even breathe then?

Do we know you?

Um... Yeah.

I'm Katie and this is my girl, Phoebe.

We met at the cheerleading cheer-off last...

spring?

We're thinking of joining your team.

-The Cha-Cha Cheerleaders, were you?

-Yes...?

Oh, wow, you were amazing that day!

That back flip star jump you did, oh, it was off the hook!

Thanks.

-You can do the triple flip.

-No, but I...

I'll take your bag, don't worry.

She's got my bag!

BOTH: Arrgghh!

-Well, at least we got what we came for.

-I did not come for whiplash!

Guess who's top of the list

to be my deputy? So, barring a bolt from the blue, I want you...

Boom shakalaka celebration shake,

cos I just got the last ticket in town.

Excuse me would have been nice!

That's what one normally does when one knocks a person over.

Excuse yourself, lady.

Who is this irritating personage?

Er, Dede's BFF, that's who.

And, if we're on the subject of irritating...

-Hello!

-What are you doing?

It's just a joke.

I'm so sorry, Megan.

My friend has a very unique sense of humour.

-So, back to this deputy stuff, you were saying you want...

-You know,

I think I might need another few days just to make up my mind.

-No, but...

-But nothing. A good deputy is a patient one.

It's all about the kind of person you are and the company you keep.

You just totally messed up my chances of being Deputy Head Girl.

She would have given me the gig if you hadn't been so rude to her.

Owww.

Owwww!

I know how that looks, but that was not intentional. I swear.

You're not all that.

# I'll put the pan on the plate and turn the heat up hot

# Cos the Sasster is cooking on gas! #

Honestly, I can't leave you alone for one second, can I?

Come quick, Deeds,

Professor Brian Cox is enjoying a share-a-shake

with Stephen Hawking in the diner.

-That wasn't strictly...

-True? I know. How stupid do you think I am?

I don't know which is more psychologically damaging,

watching Sadie make a total goon out of herself

or watching the Coca-locas watch Sadie make a total goon of herself.

LOUD CRASH

And that's only the start of the slow death of the planet.

Deeds, what are you doing? Sadie told us to scare her.

-And that information doesn't scare you?

-Here I am.

-Thanks for holding the fort for me, guys.

-You owe me hits.

I want more doughnuts.

OK, OK.

Right, ladies, fancy taking this fright night to the next level?

Scary crisps, anyone?

Er, what's scary about crisps?

-They're incredibly high in salt and fat.

-I know nothing about cupcakes.

Chilla-munga, my BFF Dede would love to help.

They don't call her Dede "The Baker" Baxter for nothing.

-But I've never made a cupcake in my entire life!

-Really?

But I thought you did a cookery course last year?

Yes, on how to make sushi!

Did you honestly think making a few cupcakes

-would get me back into Megan's good books?

-Well, I just thought...

No, you didn't think.

-That's why you just made everything a billion times worse, Sass.

-Nuh-uh.

I was just trying to prove what a good, kind and selfless friend I am.

-You can't throw me at the first hurdle.

-You threw yourself.

Oh, come on, Deeds. I'm on it this time, all over it in fact.

Just give me a chance. I promise this is going to work.

It has to, cos I have absolutely no alternative!

Well, I think I've heard more than enough to make my decision.

There's a clear winner here.

Wait. I promise you that if you let Sadie, which is me,

throw this party, she won't, I mean I won't let you down.

Nobody deserves to meet Pixie more and nobody would work harder

to make this party a success.

You might not think it from what I've said,

but I promise I'm telling you the truth.

You really need to go with your gut on this.

Because if you don't dare to leap...

You can never dare to fly.

-BOTH: What?!

-That's a Space Cargo quote.

Ya-ha. I'm like Captain Skylo's biggest fan!

Me too. It's my guilty pleasure.

TOGETHER: There's no place like space!

Grr, wheeze, mm-nyah!

That's right, President Tecargonian.

We certainly showed those Narzon death fighters

who indeed have the upper hand.

At-at-at-at!

Or should I say claw! Ha-ha-ha.

Claw! What's he like?!

And that, my fellow Space Cargonians,

was the first ever episode of the best sci-fi show

in televisual history.

-Argh!

-I can't believe you guys like the show too.

Sadie used to love it and then she went gaga over Gossip Girl.

It's so good to find somebody else to share the magic with.

The tears, the laughter, the camaraderie...

You guys have really mended a broken sci-fi heart.

-OK, who's up for ep two?

-Me!

I need the job cos I'm saving up to go to

the Fan Fanatic Syfy Auction.

There's a sock of Captain Skylo's I simply have to have.

At the moment, I can only afford the heel.

Every bonus gets me closer to those Skylo gloves.

-I thought they were socks.

-With the extra cash you're paying,

I'm on course to buy the whole outfit!

That's right, I'm going to be teaching you

how to speak in the mother tongue of the Space Cargons.

-Did you make that yourself?

-Guilty!

THEY SPEAK IN ALIEN LANGUAGE

There's no place like space.

Next group.

Zingon blasters, I can't believe this is happening!

I'm your number one fan!

Sorry I brought so much for you to sign.

First I was going to bring my Space Cargo annual,

but then I couldn't decide which year.

And then this Skylo sword seemed like an obvious choice.

But then the Narzog head was literally staring at me in the face.

So... I thought I'd bring everything.

Because if you don't dare to leap...

You can never learn to fly. Good call, cadet.

Ah, he called me a cadet!

You're so right, Captain.

It's kind of like that time when you tried to reverse

the polarity of the gluon flow to the titanium core.

Which reminds me, just how did you override the antimatter fail-safe?

You like Space Cargo?

-Me too!

-Yes.

-We are normal teenagers.

Exactly. Teenagers who know

where Captain Skylo gets his infinite power source.

The rock of Cargozinian!

THEY LAUGH

Bonkatron idea, I know, but you could bring the wedding to the car.

What?!

Of course!

A Space Cargo Captain is legally entitled

to perform a binding ceremony in any location in the multiverse.

Even in a garage!

Brilliant! Let's just do the show right here.

Wedding. I mean wedding.

Those whom the Space Cargonian fleet has joined together,

let no man, woman or alien being, humanoid or otherwise, put asunder.

You may now demonstrate your affection according to the protocols

of your species and culture, as I pronounce you husband and wife.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Homme Robert was amazing!

I could barely tell him and Skylo apart.

In fact, he's even devised his own anti-antimatter theory. Really.

-Really, really?

-Really, really, really.

You were in the Gavuns Hair commercial? No way!

Way! Do you remember the jingle?

# If you want to get some bounce, bounce, bounce

# In your buns, buns, buns Use Gavuns Hair. #

Will you stop, I can't take it any more!

Fine, you've made your point.

I should never have met my hero, OK?

He's nothing like Captain Skylo,

and I'm a complete idiot for thinking

he'd be anywhere near as inspirational,

dynamic or commanding as my idol.

But I thought you were my number one fan.

Not any more. You're not a space hero,

-you're just a bubble-brained actor.

-She has point.

I may not be a real Space Captain,

but even bubble-brained actors can be heroes.

Because if your heart is strong and true,

it will carry you to places you never even knew existed.

I have a high-speed moped outside.

So, navigator, if you care to plot a course, our mission is go!

Affirmative, Captain!

Captain Skylo is the only man for me. It's impossible!

Yowser!

I've never met anyone who likes Space Cargo as much as I do.

Me neither! Does this mean I get to party with Pixie?

As if.

I love Skylo but it'll be like way unfair of me

to favour you when Ashlii was the one who gave the better answers.

Congratulations, Ashlii. The Pixie party is in the bag!

Actually, it's out of the bag.

-What's this?

-Well, I... She...

Nobody likes a cheater, cheater, stinky feet-er.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disqualify you.

-Sadie, you've got the gig.

-Yes!

-No!

Right, well I'm going to go get the camera crew.

See you at your house in 20 minutes to set up

and Pixie will be hitting the town in T minus two hours.

Brilliant! This is a...

Disaster!

Please tell me you are preparing for the surprise celeb party tonight.

What surprise celeb party? This is for my lairy lads night tonight.

Rock music, rubbish DVDs

and enough pig-out pizza and tikka takeaway to take down

an entire tribe of burping, farting blokes.

It's going to be wild, man.

I'm sorry, but you've broken the rules, Sadie. I mean Dede.

Whoever you are, the party is off.

# We are gonna party!

-BOYS CHEER

-Oh, my gaga!

She lied, cheated and stole someone's identity.

-I mean, is that really a crime?

-Please, you have to go!

-Who are those guys?

-Um, nobody...

Sadie's supposed to be throwing a surprise party for Pixie Lott!

-What?

-Waaaaa!

-Oi, cha!

OK, stop!

Are we going Pixie pop-alistic tonight or what?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd