Tofutastic Sadie J


Tofutastic

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-Sign here and here.

-Sorry!

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OK, what's the emergency? I got here as soon as I could.

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-Hence the mismatching sneakers.

-And tights and scarf and bangles.

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-I need to go home!

-Your lack of ability to accessorise

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is nowhere near as important as this.

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-It's vegetarian day?

-Is that even real?

-Of course it is.

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I called you here to help me with my petition.

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Ms V is refusing to put a veggie dish on the menu.

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-Care to sign up?

-One sec.

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Has nobody told you that this is a Kitty Kat special seat?

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Well, it is, and it takes a certain degree of fabuliciousness to fill it.

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I.e. moi.

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Now, S to the C to the A-R-M.

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Scram.

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Anyway, we were discussing Sadie's fashion faux pas...s.

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We were discussing the need to get a vegetarian dish on the menu.

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Oh, look, it's two of the o'clock, I'll get our lunch orders in.

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Meat feasts all round?

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Look, Dedes, I love you and all,

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but there's only you, Babcock

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and that weird cat lady from the vegetarian book shop

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who cares about this stuff.

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-Hey, Dedes.

-# When love takes over. #

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I hear you're campaigning for a veggie dish on the menu.

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Where do I sign up?

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-You're a vegetarian?

-For ethical, nutritional or political reasons?

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All of those. Plus I really like tofu.

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So the first person to get a tofu tamale on the menu

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is being taken by lunch by me.

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-For real?

-Yuh-huh.

-Oh, my Gaga.

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More tofu tamale?

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SHE GIGGLES

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SHE SNORTS

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Oops.

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This is outrageous, Ms V.

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As a vegetarian, non-meat-eating, beef-free tofu-lover myself,

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I can not believe you treat us this badly.

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-You're not...

-Bun it. This is my ticket to the T-zone.

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Ven vill you potato fiends get it into your thick schnoodles?

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-Vegetable dishes do not make moolah.

-Are you kidding?

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-You've got three diners here just gagging for green.

-Exactly. Three.

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Who likes bacon double buffalo burgers?

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ALL: Me!

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Well, I guess that's it, then.

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It's a shame, I was really looking forward to that lunch.

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Don't be bonkalicious, we can fight this, Taylor. Our shared love...

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of tofu...will keep us going.

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One triple meat feast buffalo burger for Sadie J.

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-How dare you? I didn't order that.

-I know, Kit did.

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He said it was your favourite.

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Don't be ridonkulous, I'm a vegetarian,

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like my new tofu buddy here.

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-Whatevs, you're a total carnival.

-CarnivORE.

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What she said.

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Come away from the delusionoid, there's a good boy.

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Don't worry, dude,

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if it's the last thing I do, I will have lunch with you.

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I mean, a veggie lunch with you,

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once I've got a veggie dish on the menu, obvs, cos I'm a veggie.

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# Won't somebody tell me why I'm always surrounded by boys

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# Give me a break

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# They got attitude, kind of cute

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# But when they're in trouble Takes a girl to save the day

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# To save the day

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# I'd love another girl around the place

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# To be her

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# Someone to back me up so I always

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# Have the last word

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# Guess it's hard to be the only girl

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# In a boy's world

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# Girl, girl in a boy's world

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# I know I'm stronger cos I've got a positive mental attitude

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# I'm understanding, kind of sensitive

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# Don't want gratitude

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# I just don't want to be the only girl

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# In a boy's world. #

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-Guess what?

-What?

-What's that old banger still doing here?

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-I have to guess that?

-No, just tell me what it's still doing here.

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-I don't get this game.

-No, it's not a game.

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I have just landed us a contract to do the whole fleet of Karlov's cabs.

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They're arriving first thing

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and this old banger should have been out of here by now.

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-Done by who?

-By you!

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Please don't tell me

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they're the invoices I asked you to post this morning.

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When did you ask me that?

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After I asked you to clear your breakfast things away.

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All right, don't blow your bald patch.

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I know I'm disorganised and unreliable

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and all over the place and feel free to stop me at any time, here.

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But I'm going to change, I swear.

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You better had. I tell you, this is the a big job for us.

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Mess it up and they won't use us again.

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-We've got to be on top of our game.

-I am on top.

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-I'm over the top, in fact. I'm on it, boss.

-All right.

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What exactly was it you asked me to do, again?

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-Ready to open this school report?

-Too right.

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These things are the best laugh we have all year.

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You're so right.

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Remember last year when Miss Dunthorpe says I was,

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"More keen on telling fart jokes than learning French."

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PARP

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Mine was way funnier. "Jake's sleeping in class was bad enough,

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"but his train-like snoring takes it to another level."

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Hugggh-hugggh.

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Three, two, one. Let the comedy commence.

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Oh, yes, my "irreverent burping is disturbing the other students."

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HE BELCHES

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This is a disaster!

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Old Dunthorpe says I've "improved enormously".

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I'm "on track to finish the year as an A-star student".

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She wants me to enrol in the academic after-school club.

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Three hours a day, five days a week.

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Er, it's OK, mate, we can play Ninja Warlords when you get back.

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For two minutes before bedtime. My social life is officially over.

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Once my dad sees this, he's bound to make me go to those classes.

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Well...

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your dad doesn't HAVE to see it.

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Jakey-boy, you're a genius.

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No! Stop that dog!

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OK, who's last season bucket bag is crowding my couch?

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Ex-squeeze me?

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That little carry-on is a classic, hence it needs sofa space.

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-You clearly know nada about fashion, miss.

-Rebekker, double K, no A.

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Well, Miss Double-K-No-A,

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has nobody told you that this is a Kitty Kat special seat?

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Well, it is. And it takes a certain degree of fabuliciousness to fill it.

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I.e. moi.

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We'll see about that, you sour-faced swamp mouth.

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I mean, nothing. That is clearly a classic, defo deserves sofa space.

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-Enjoy my seat, bucket bag.

-Have you seen Sadie?

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I can't believe she'd hijack a serious campaign to impress a boy.

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I won't work. As president of the local vegetarian club,

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I have tried EVERYTHING to get a veggie dish on the menu.

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She's not going to wreck our cause and reputation

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with any more of her inappropriate, stupid schemes.

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Did even you breathe then?

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Dedes, I'm sure Sass is going to do nothing

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to damage your cause or the club's reputation.

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# You won't get no dessert till you clean off your plate

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# So, eat it

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#Don't you tell me you're full

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# Just eat it Eat it

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# Eat it Eat it.#

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OK, I know what you're thinking.

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How is dancing whilst dressed as a vegetable going to get

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Taylor his veggie dish and make him take me for lunch?

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Cos I'm the mascot for the veggie-tastic protest, duh.

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-What do we want?

-Vegetables!

-When do we want them?

-Now!

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-How do we want them?

-Fried.

-Boiled.

-Grilled.

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We've still got teething problems.

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OK, the costume is debatable but the turnout is well impressive.

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Talk about people power.

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Where'd you find these bean-burger-loving bongo-bashers?

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-Um.

-Hang on, isn't that Colin Tives from the vegetarian book shop?

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That's Mrs Higgins from my wool spinning class.

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Ah! You didn't?

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I did. Thanks, your contacts list is bursting with bongo-bashers.

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How did you convince them to come?

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With supreme social networking, duh. And free radishes.

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Ms V, I demand you put a vegetarian dish on The Diner menu.

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I demand that Marvin from JLS return my calls,

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we can't alvays get what ve vant.

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I can. The people have spoken

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and these 100 veggies have the right to be fed, right?

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-ALL:

-Yes!

-100?

-Haven't you seen the crowd outside?

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KER-CHING!

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In that case, tofu tamales for everybody.

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Yay!

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4.99 a tamale, no refund, no return and no taste.

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-I'm taking somebody to lunch.

-Over my dead body.

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I'd prefer a table, but if you insist.

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Oh, GM-free, you actually did it, this is massive.

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Who cares? Taylor's taking me to lunch.

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Don't you understand? You're a serious voice for change.

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You have to keep this up.

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-Like that's ever going to happen.

-Sadie!

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-W-What's going on? I just...

-Sadie! Sadie!

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I can't believe I'm saying this, but as head of the vegetarian club,

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I'd like to appoint you as our new spokesperson.

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But I like meat. Chicken, pork, bacon - the meatier the better!

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Nobody has to know you don't believe in the cause.

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You're making a difference.

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I'm sorry but there is no way I could keep this up.

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Way to go, fighting for our rights. I am taking you to dinner.

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So, what are you going to get? Tofu teriyaki? Tofu tagliatelle?

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Tofu Taylor.

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I mean tortilla, obvs.

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Fellow vegetarians, your new spokesperson is in da house.

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And she won't rest until there's a veggie dish in every cafe in town.

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-She's veggie-licious.

-Tofu-tastic.

-Dead-meat-a-mundo.

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ALL: Sadie! Sadie! Sadie!

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-Sadie! Sadie! Sadie!

-Whoa.

-Arrrgh!

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CRASH

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-What's that you say, boss? I'm on time for once.

-Actually, I didn't...

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The dishes are done. And the invoices are posted.

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"Keith, you are organised today."

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-You having a break-down?

-Yup.

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A time break-down. Check it out.

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I've got the on-time work organiser app on my phone.

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I put everything I need to do in there

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and then it keeps reminding me until I do it.

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Genius. Right, get me a spanner.

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-Get Steve a...

-No, no, just, just do it.

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I've got Karlov's cabs coming and we've got to get this sorted.

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Chillax, boss, I done it yesterday.

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But today, there's a strange, ticking noise coming from it.

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Can you hear it?

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TICK TOCK TICK TOCK.

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-So what?

-So, Mr Vellenti's a right, old fuss-pot.

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We can't give him this back with a strange noise.

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Maybe it's time to get Mr Vellenti some earplugs then.

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-Spanner.

-I was only kidding.

-Wheel nuts.

-I was.

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No, perhaps the noise is coming from the wheel nuts. Out of the way.

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Do you hear it?

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Here's the deal, I did something I'm not proud of,

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but I didn't do it cos I wanted to,

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I did it cos I didn't know what I was doing.

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You're making as much sense as I usually do.

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I may have accidentally been mean to someone in The Diner.

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You sour-faced, swamp mouth.

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-That I'd never, ever, ever normally be mean to.

-Gaga was in The Diner?

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No!

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Sass, what's your plan for getting a veggie dish

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into every cafe in town?

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Oh, yeah, about that, um.

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Ex-squeeze me, here first.

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I hear the veggie gang are your biggest fans.

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Sadie! Sadie!

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Oh, yeah, it's, er, brilliant, isn't it?

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Will someone please give me some advice on what to do

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when you've been mean to someone you didn't mean to be mean to.

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-Just say sorry, duh.

-Are you Dede-mented?

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That's ridiculous, I couldn't possibly do that.

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If I did, then they'd know I was being mean. Get me?

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No, you lost me at Dede-mented.

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Look, Kit, all you need to do is cosy up to them

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and be bonkaliciously nice.

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They'll forget anything bad you've ever done.

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-And that actually works?

-Yuh-huh, all the time with De...

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With...?

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WRAPPER CRACKLES

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Sorry, guys, it's really bad reception here,

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I'll call you back later when I've got a...

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Them Karlov cabs are here, boss. And my on-time app says... Boss?

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-Yeah, in here.

-In where?

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Here, here.

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You sure you want to be doing this right now?

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It'll take me two secs to put it back together.

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Ish.

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Now, as Bear Grylls says, the best way to catch your prey

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is to mount a surprise attack on their nest.

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that way, the prey will feel calm and settled

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and have their guard down.

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How exactly can a school report have its guard down?

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No, I was talking about Rodge.

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Arrgh!

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# One way or another

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# I'm gonna find ya

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# I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha

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# One way or another

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# I'm gonna win ya

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# I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha

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# One way or another

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# I'm gonna see ya... #

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-This is it, Jakey-boy. He's got nowhere else to go.

-Bag that dog!

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-Got him.

-Grr, grr.

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Boss, them taxis are going nuts out there.

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I thought I was supposed to be the disorganised one.

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-What have you done?!

-Shh.

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-I can still hear the ticking noise.

-So what?

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So I am a master mechanic, Keith. It's what I do. It's what I am.

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I've spent, already, five hours on this old banger

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and I will spend another 15 hours if I have to.

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Because if I can't sort this problem,

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then I have no business being in the business I'm in.

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Your business is going to go bust if you don't sort it fast, buster.

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My organiser app says we've got three minutes per taxi

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every three minutes.

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-And we're already behind.

-By how much?

-Three minutes.

-That's nothing.

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Sorry, three hours.

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Shh.

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I don't understand, Jakey-boy. We've tried everything.

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He hasn't let go of it all night.

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Right, one last go.

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Any luck?

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Not a sausage.

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-No!

-Way!

-Don't take any more chances.

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If you don't want to be stuck in those after-school academic classes,

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-you have to destroy this, right now.

-Agreed.

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Awesome. Absolutely nothing left except for a few scraps of paper.

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"A copy of this report will be emailed to your parent or guardian."

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Hey, Rebbeker, nice scarf, there, so in-trend right now.

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No, they're not, I just didn't have time to dry my hair.

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Speaking of which, your bangs bang.

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Can I get you a shake? Maybe we could hang out.

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Oh, sorry, this sour-faced swamp mouth

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-has got better things to do.

-Someone's had a change of heart.

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I heard how you vhipped her with the viper's tongue yesterday.

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You kidding? I love that little madam.

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-You're feeling guilty about the vheels.

-Ah!

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How dare you?! How do you dare?

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For your information, I'm a keen supporter of all disabled divas.

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-Is there anyone behind me?

-What? No, nobody.

-Phew.

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I've managed to shake off those crazy veggies.

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They followed me through a vegetable patch.

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Do they have no sense of irony?

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-I thought there were your knew BFFs.

-Don't be ridonkulous.

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Order me a meat feast burger with pig fat fries, I'm starved.

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Didn't you promise Taylor and the rest of them

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that you'd get a veggie dish in every restaurant?

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Yuh-huh, that's why I'm keeping a low profile, duh.

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As soon as I've had my romantic meal with Taylor...

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he'll fall head-over-heels in love with me...

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and forget I said any of that stuff. They all will.

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It'll blow over.

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Yesterday's news is today's fish and chip shop.

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Or, whatever.

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There she is, that's Tofu Girl.

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She's the biggest thing to happen to our vegetarian club.

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since Gwyneth Paltrow sent us her leek and pumpkin pie recipe.

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-What's going on?

-This is Mary-Anne Matterson, she's a journalist.

0:17:100:17:15

-I work for the Gazette.

-No way, I'm mad for the horoscopes.

0:17:150:17:18

-Ashlii called the paper to tell them about you.

-I bet.

0:17:180:17:22

It was the least I could do.

0:17:220:17:24

I know how crazy you've always been for this veggie guff.

0:17:240:17:27

In fact, I told her you only eat tofu.

0:17:270:17:31

# When love takes over

0:17:310:17:34

# Yeah

0:17:340:17:37

# You know you can't deny. #

0:17:370:17:40

-Can I get an exclusive on that?

-Um...

0:17:400:17:43

Boss. It looks like a bomb's dropped in here.

0:17:460:17:50

Yeah. Well, that's what happens

0:17:520:17:55

when you realise you're not the man you thought you were.

0:17:550:17:59

This even part of a car?

0:17:590:18:01

Admitting failure is hard enough but admitting failure

0:18:010:18:04

in your specialist area is...

0:18:040:18:06

-Insane.

-Exactly.

0:18:060:18:09

It's bad enough that Mr Karlov has taken his cabs to Metal Motors

0:18:090:18:14

or that Mr Vellenti will be here any second now for his car

0:18:140:18:17

which, plainly, doesn't even exist anymore.

0:18:170:18:20

But worse than that, much, much worse than that is the fact that

0:18:200:18:25

I still haven't sorted out this darn tick, tick, ticking noise yet.

0:18:250:18:30

Don't worry, Steve, I'll help you.

0:18:300:18:32

-Sort out ticking...

-Enough with that app already! Just turn it off.

0:18:340:18:38

All right, all right.

0:18:380:18:40

SILENCE

0:18:400:18:42

Stop.

0:18:420:18:44

-Do you hear that?

-No.

-Exactly.

0:18:440:18:48

It stopped.

0:18:490:18:50

-What did you just do?

-Turned off the on-time ticker app.

0:18:530:18:56

"On-time ticker app"?

0:18:560:18:59

It's called that because it keeps track of time by ticking.

0:18:590:19:04

Please. Not my face, anywhere but my beautiful face.

0:19:060:19:10

What I've got in mind for you is far, far worse than that.

0:19:100:19:16

Danny?

0:19:190:19:20

Danny?

0:19:220:19:24

All right, Jakey-boy. Um, I mean, hello, Jake. How are you today?

0:19:240:19:30

Dumbstruck. That's what I am. Now, what's going on, you melon-head?

0:19:300:19:34

-Nothing. Just getting my nerd groove on.

-"Nerd groove"?

0:19:340:19:39

All right, I won't lie to you.

0:19:390:19:41

Putting on this cardigan and these glasses was tough,

0:19:410:19:45

-but if that's my fate, so be it.

-By why is it your fate?

0:19:450:19:48

Cos I'm about to join the ranks

0:19:480:19:51

of the academic after-school classes, that's why.

0:19:510:19:53

I need to look the part.

0:19:530:19:55

Ow! These nerds are tougher than you think.

0:19:550:19:58

If you still want to get out of those classes,

0:19:580:20:01

get rid of the email report. Just like the paper one.

0:20:010:20:04

Yeah but that's...genius!

0:20:040:20:07

In fact, I could kiss you right now.

0:20:080:20:10

But I won't.

0:20:100:20:13

-You are joking?

-I never joke when it comes to business.

0:20:130:20:16

You made me take it apart, sunshine. You can put it back together.

0:20:160:20:21

# I've been driving in my car

0:20:210:20:24

# It's not quite a Jaguar... #

0:20:260:20:29

Ta-da! Back together again.

0:20:290:20:32

In the shape of a car, you muppet.

0:20:320:20:34

Worth a try.

0:20:340:20:36

# It was made in '59

0:20:360:20:39

# In a factory by the Tyne

0:20:410:20:43

# It says Morris on the door... #

0:20:430:20:47

-Not bad, eh?

-Voice-activated, is it?

0:20:470:20:50

Oh, man!

0:20:500:20:52

-That's only one little thing missing, ain't it?

-Not quite.

0:20:540:20:58

Wakey, wakey.

0:21:040:21:05

Read it and weep.

0:21:070:21:08

-I don't believe it.

-Believe it.

0:21:100:21:13

This little baby is ready to roll again.

0:21:130:21:16

Ish.

0:21:170:21:18

-Laptop.

-Check.

-Full battery.

-Check.

-Wi-Fi.

-Check.

0:21:230:21:28

-Mighty Motor's website on screen.

-Check.

-Go for it, Jakester.

0:21:280:21:33

Er, what's your dad's password?

0:21:330:21:36

May I just say, I'm Tofu Girl's closest BFF

0:21:390:21:42

and I have always encouraged her to be a librarian.

0:21:420:21:45

-Come again?

-Vegetarian, you dufus.

-And that.

0:21:450:21:50

W-where is Sadie, anyway?

0:21:500:21:52

I knew it. You're about as vegetarian as Ms V's wolfhound.

0:21:540:21:58

Wolfgang likes vegetables, actually.

0:21:580:22:00

Don't worry, your secret's safe with me, Jenkster.

0:22:000:22:04

Not.

0:22:040:22:05

Try "spanner".

0:22:120:22:13

BUZZ

0:22:130:22:14

Nah.

0:22:140:22:15

-"Tyre".

-BUZZ

0:22:150:22:18

-"Crankshaft"!

-No need to get uppity.

-No, I meant, try "crankshaft".

0:22:180:22:22

BUZZ

0:22:220:22:24

Look, that report is already in his inbox.

0:22:240:22:28

-In fact, it's as good as in his glove box.

-Try "glove box".

0:22:280:22:31

BEEP Woo-hoo, we're in!

0:22:330:22:35

That was so good, it deserves the robot.

0:22:350:22:37

After we've deleted my school report.

0:22:390:22:41

But I-I don't get it.

0:22:410:22:44

It says that your "irreverent burping is disturbing the other students."

0:22:440:22:48

-That's exactly the same as...

-MY report.

0:22:480:22:52

-Which means we must have got the paper ones...

-..mixed up!

0:22:520:22:55

PHONE BEEPS

0:22:550:22:57

"Well done, son.

0:22:580:23:00

"I can't believe my little Jake-in-the-box is such a brainiac.

0:23:000:23:04

"Love, Dad."

0:23:040:23:06

Better start brushing up for those academic after-school classes,

0:23:070:23:11

-Jakey-boy.

-NOOOO!

0:23:110:23:13

# These roses are... #

0:23:160:23:18

-Hey, watch it.

-Make way, we have a lady on wheels coming through.

0:23:180:23:22

-What are you doing?

-Just making things a little bit easier for you.

0:23:220:23:27

-A special girl deserves special treatment.

-That's the problem.

0:23:270:23:31

-What?

-I'm NOT special.

0:23:310:23:34

When we first faced-off, you were giving it all of that.

0:23:340:23:37

But when you saw my chair, you started being all nice.

0:23:370:23:41

Don't be thinking I'm too physically-challenged

0:23:410:23:43

to be challenged, boyfriend.

0:23:430:23:46

-So, you want me to hate on you?

-Well, if I deserve it, yuh-huh.

0:23:460:23:51

Well said. Dummkopf.

0:23:510:23:53

OK, deal.

0:23:540:23:56

Move your boney butt so I can put my banging Bolero down.

0:23:560:23:59

Don't think so, girlfriend.

0:23:590:24:01

Here first. BTW, Boleros never came in to go out.

0:24:010:24:05

In fact, the only thing banging about them are the beads.

0:24:050:24:09

-Read it and weep, Jenkster.

-I am weeping, look!

0:24:160:24:20

Please don't tell my veggie followers. They'll be crushed.

0:24:200:24:24

-I was never going to tell your "followers".

-Seriously?

0:24:240:24:27

Maybe she's not such a moosehead after all?

0:24:270:24:30

I'm going to tell this journalist instead

0:24:300:24:32

then SHE can tell your followers.

0:24:320:24:34

Isn't it awful when the media build you up to tear you down?

0:24:340:24:38

-They can be so fickle.

-There you are.

0:24:380:24:40

The world is waiting for a few words of wisdom from Tofu Girl.

0:24:400:24:43

-ALL:

-Yeah!

0:24:430:24:44

Well, I wouldn't say the world.

0:24:440:24:46

OK, the whole town is waiting for a few words of wisdom from Tofu Girl.

0:24:460:24:50

Actually, we only sell to around a third of the town.

0:24:500:24:53

We get it, not many people are going to read this.

0:24:530:24:56

The folks who are need to hear your empowering voice

0:24:560:24:59

on the necessity of meat-free food.

0:24:590:25:01

-Um, OK.

-Don't listen to her. I have photographic evidence. It's...

0:25:010:25:05

-..a lie, I'm not a vegetarian!

-THEY ALL GASP

0:25:050:25:09

I wouldn't even know one if it came up to me and was like,

0:25:110:25:14

"Hey, I'm Veggie the vegetable and I'm a vegetarian."

0:25:140:25:17

-I love bacon!

-Oooh.

-And burgers!

-Aah.

0:25:170:25:20

And onion rings...

0:25:200:25:23

-on a big, fat, juicy steak.

-Aah.

0:25:230:25:26

I only said I was a veggie so I could impress someone.

0:25:260:25:29

I meant everyone.

0:25:290:25:31

But whilst I was lying and cheating,

0:25:310:25:33

pulling the organic wool over people's eyes, it hit me,

0:25:330:25:36

why isn't there a veggie dish on the menu?

0:25:360:25:39

We all deserve to be catered for.

0:25:390:25:41

-Here, here.

-Thanks, Dedes.

0:25:410:25:42

I may not be one of you but I really do believe in your cause.

0:25:420:25:46

And if you still want me, I'll happily be your meat-eating,

0:25:460:25:50

but pro-veggie, Tofu Girl.

0:25:500:25:51

Boo!

0:25:510:25:53

-I'll take that as a no.

-You got egg on your face, Sass.

0:25:540:25:58

I know, I'm such an idiot.

0:25:580:26:00

No, you've literally got egg on your face. It's right there.

0:26:000:26:03

-Oh. Thanks.

-And I don't think you're an idiot. I sure that someone

0:26:030:26:07

thinks that you did a really cool thing. That you're a nice girl.

0:26:070:26:11

# Feels like I've waited so long for this. #

0:26:110:26:15

Tay-tay, it's time to go-go. Ta-ta.

0:26:150:26:19

-Well, that wasn't a total car crash, thankfully.

-Are you kidding?

0:26:200:26:24

He called me nice! Nobody wants to be called nice.

0:26:240:26:27

And he never even mentioned lunch or dinner. But we had a deal.

0:26:270:26:31

I want that tofu tamale. Oh!

0:26:310:26:33

CRASH

0:26:330:26:34

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:26:480:26:51

E-mail [email protected]

0:26:510:26:54

These tofu tamales are, like, seriously good, aren't they?

0:26:540:26:58

In fact, I love them almost as much as I love you!

0:26:580:27:02

BOTH: Right back at ya!

0:27:020:27:03

THEY ALL LAUGH

0:27:030:27:05

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