Megatronic Sadie J


Megatronic

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-Here, tell me if someone picks up.

-No, but that's mine!

0:58:020:58:05

Sorry, Dees. I'm on a Perry popilicious mission to get tickets

0:58:050:58:08

-to the girl wonder's one night in Wembley.

-She's bagging us

0:58:080:58:11

Katy Perry concert tickets.

0:58:110:58:13

Oh, my Lady Gaga! I just got through!

0:58:130:58:17

Now don't freak out, but there was no Vineleaf Vegan burgers.

0:58:170:58:20

I got you a Double-Double Meat Feast with extra buffalo.

0:58:200:58:23

Arrgh!

0:58:230:58:25

I knew the buffalo would tip her over the edge.

0:58:250:58:27

It's not that. It's Mega Myles, the Megatron. She's coming over!

0:58:270:58:31

MUSIC: "Smart Girls" by Weezer

0:58:310:58:33

-So?

-So?! She's the new head girl

0:58:370:58:40

and I put my name in the ring to be her second in command.

0:58:400:58:43

-This could be it!

-Guess who's top of the list

0:58:430:58:45

-to be my deputy?

-Selina Gomez?

0:58:450:58:48

-WHIP CRACK

-What?

0:58:480:58:50

Well, thankfully, rule 12

0:58:500:58:52

in the official Head Girl Rule Book clearly states all candidates

0:58:520:58:56

have to be enrolled at our school.

0:58:560:58:57

So, barring a bolt from the blue, I want you...

0:58:570:59:00

One Chockalaka Celebration Shake, cos I just got

0:59:000:59:03

the last ticket in town!

0:59:030:59:05

I thought we agreed we'd never go see the K-ster without each other?

0:59:070:59:10

-Oh, come on. What did you expect me to do?

-But, Perry!

0:59:100:59:14

You promised!

0:59:140:59:16

I'm officially huffing off.

0:59:170:59:20

An "excuse me" would have been nice.

0:59:200:59:22

That's what one normally does when one knocks a person over.

0:59:220:59:25

-Excuse yourself, lady!

-Who is this irritating personage?!

0:59:250:59:29

Er, Dede's BFF, that's who.

0:59:290:59:31

And, if you want a picture of irritating...

0:59:310:59:34

-Hello!

-What are you doing?

0:59:340:59:37

-It's just a joke.

-I'm so sorry, Megan.

0:59:370:59:40

My friend has a very unique sense of humour.

0:59:400:59:43

So anyway, back to this deputy stuff.

0:59:430:59:45

-You were saying you want...?

-You know what?

0:59:450:59:48

I think I might need another few days to make up my mind.

0:59:480:59:51

-No! But...

-But nothing.

0:59:510:59:52

A good deputy is a patient one.

0:59:520:59:54

It's all about the kind of person you are. And the company you keep?

0:59:540:59:59

Sadie! You just totally messed up my chances of becoming deputy head girl.

0:59:591:00:03

She would've given me the gig

1:00:031:00:05

if you hadn't been so unbelievably rude to her.

1:00:051:00:07

OK, OK. Relax, Deeds. I'm sorry, all right?

1:00:071:00:10

No, not all right! Apology not accepted.

1:00:101:00:12

I'm tired of being let down by you all the time.

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You lie, you cheat, you mess up everything. You even steal my shakes.

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You're incredibly selfish and you only care about you!

1:00:201:00:23

That is so not true.

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Prove it! Get me back into Megan's good books in the next 24 hours

1:00:251:00:29

and I might actually believe

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you're a selfless, good and kind friend. For once!

1:00:301:00:33

Am I really that bad a BFF?

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Talk to the hand, you Katy Perry double-crosser!

1:00:351:00:39

Oh, no. Actually I'm worse than that!

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Fine, I'll do it. The Megatron is in the bag.

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Prepare to be satisfied with selflessness!

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You don't realise what a good and kind BFF I am, guys.

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Mine!

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Whoops!

1:00:521:00:53

# Won't somebody tell me why

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# I'm always surrounded by boys?

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# Give me a break

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# They've got attitude, Kind of cute

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# But when they're in trouble, Tricks are good

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# To save the day, to save the day

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# I'd love another girl Around the place

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# Could you be her?

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# Someone to back me up so I always have the last word

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# I guess it's hard To be the only girl

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# In a boys' world

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# Girl, girl

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# In a boys'...

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# I know I'm strong because I've got a positive

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# Mental attitude

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# Understanding, kind of sensitive

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# Don't want gratitude

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# I just don't want to be The only girl

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# In a boys' world. #

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Hey! Who wants to play Ninja Warlord: Return Of The Camutan?

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-What's going on here?

-Er, nothing?

1:01:441:01:47

Knitting.

1:01:471:01:48

Knitting?! That is like so nafftastic!

1:01:481:01:52

-No, it's not.

-Yeah, it is! I hate it, but I've got to do it

1:01:521:01:55

as part of my arts and crafts assignment.

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And I'm helping Jakey Baby.

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My Nicolson says we have to knit an entire jumper.

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It's going to take forever!

1:02:021:02:04

Who cares what SHE says?

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Put down the needles, it's Ninja Warlord O'clock!

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We haven't got time for that. This is a very technical craft.

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It takes ages to master it.

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Not like a dumb-dumb like you would understand.

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Who you calling a dumb-dumb? Dumb-dumb!

1:02:171:02:20

-I could knit if I wanted to.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah.

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-Yeah?

-Yeah!

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Show me what you've got!

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-Boss, I've got a major problem.

-Yeah, you and me both.

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I promised Bobby, the local bobby, I'd fix his flashing light.

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But the instructions are in Japanese. I haven't a clue.

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I've got a real crisis here, Steve. Natalie...

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-my new girlfriend...

-Ah.

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..has asked me to go to a pool party.

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Anyway, the flashing light. If you can just pass me that spanner.

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-No, you don't understand.

-No, YOU don't understand.

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This is a big job.

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If I don't fix it, Bobby can't get back on the beat.

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If Bobby can't get back on the beat, then the burglars can't beat Bobby.

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Either way, it's way more important than you not being able to swim.

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-I CAN swim...

-Well...

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..as long as I wear my armbands. HE LAUGHS

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Oh, my Lord.

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-You not going to let me get on with this till I help you, are you?

-No.

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All right. OK.

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I'll give you 20 seconds.

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Now, it seems to me that you CAN swim,

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so you don't actually need your armbands.

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It's like me and these Japanese instructions.

1:03:331:03:36

I could've told Bobby that I couldn't fix his light

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because I couldn't read them, but did I?

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No. I just ditched them, manned up and took the job.

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That's exactly what you're going to do.

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You're going to learn to swim without your armbands.

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-But...

-20 seconds are up.

1:03:501:03:53

Yeah, but... POLICE SIREN WAILS

1:03:531:03:55

Three diner doughnut dippers and a double decker baguette.

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Carbs, on a weekday? What gives?

1:04:021:04:05

-Katy Perry's sold out! I need a pick-me-up.

-Oh!

1:04:051:04:08

What, Katy Perry's musical concert?

1:04:081:04:11

-I prefer the term cultural event of the year.

-More like snorefest!

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I'm a close and personal friend of the Perry's PR manager.

1:04:171:04:20

He always sends me backstage passes, tickets,

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whenever there's a concert, but I never go.

1:04:231:04:27

Are you insane?! The Perry is perfect. Please take me with you!

1:04:271:04:31

I cannot bring myself to sit through that tuneless guff!

1:04:311:04:35

Pretty please with an extra kitty-cat on top?

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Say yes, say yes, say yes!

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Fine.

1:04:411:04:42

-So long as...

-Yay! Go Kitty Cat, go Kitty Cat.

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-Don't say a word to Sass.

-Oh, never mind her. What about...?

-Zip it!

1:04:471:04:52

Talk about the perfect Perry payback.

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Thinks she's all that, getting the last ticket?

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I'll show her who's the Perrymeister when I go backstage on the night.

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Kit? I just wanted to say, about the whole ticket situation, I just...

1:05:011:05:04

Oh, don't give it another thought, girlfriend. You go, enjoy yourself!

1:05:041:05:08

-I'll wave to you from the wings.

-What?

-Nothing!

1:05:081:05:11

-So, what's new in Sadieworld?

-Selflessness, that's what.

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I've decided to push my pride aside

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and apologise to Megan for all the, um...

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stupid things I did.

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I'm sure that'll get Dede in her good books as a shoo-in for deputy.

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Looks like someone's got it worked out.

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I like to think so.

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MUSIC: "Smart Girls" by Weezer

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Oh, my geez, it's the Megatron. Hey, Megan. Remember me?

1:05:301:05:34

Uh-oh! Looks like there a little bit of trouble in Nerd Town. Bon luck.

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She just didn't see me, did she?

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As head girl, naturally I've been asked to man the snack stall

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at the library fundrasier.

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Now, what do you think of microwaveable cheese strings?

1:05:471:05:51

Boil-in-the-bag bhaji balls? Come on, guys.

1:05:511:05:55

This stuff needs to sell like hot cakes.

1:05:551:05:58

So, why don't you sell hot cakes? Or, more specifically, cupcakes.

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Rule 23 in the Head Girl Rule Book states,

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"The head girl has to make all head-girl-related decisions."

1:06:041:06:07

Man, this chick likes her rules.

1:06:071:06:09

OK, so why don't you decide to sell cupcakes?

1:06:091:06:14

-I mean, they're like way popular.

-Says you!

1:06:141:06:17

Hands up who lies cupcakes!

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-ALL:

-Yeah!

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But how are we going to bake them? I know nothing about cupcakes.

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Chill-a-mungo, my BFF Dede would love to help.

1:06:261:06:29

They don't call her Dede "The Baker" Baxter for nothing!

1:06:291:06:32

-But I've never made a cupcake in my entire life!

-Really?

1:06:321:06:36

I thought you did a cookery course last year?

1:06:361:06:38

Yes, on how to make sushi.

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Did you honestly think making a few cupcakes

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would get me back into Megan's good books?

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-But, I just thought...

-No, you didn't think.

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-That's why you just made everything a billion times worse, Sass!

-Nu-huh!

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I was just trying to prove what a good, kind and selfless friend I am.

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-You can't throw me at the first hurdle!

-You threw yourself!

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Oh, come on, Deeds. I'm on it this time. All over it, in fact.

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Just give me a chance. I promise this is going to work.

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It has to, cos I have absolutely no alternative!

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I'm not going to lie to you - it's going to be tough,

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especially since I've never baked anything...

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in my life...ever!

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But I reckon with dedication and exploration,

1:07:221:07:27

there's a way we can make these cupcakes cupcakealicious. Agreed?

1:07:271:07:32

Ta and, indeed, da.

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Not bad for a first batch, eh?

1:07:481:07:50

No, not those burnt ones! These ones!

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Read it and weep, Imogen. The Danster is a natural with the needles.

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OK, fine. I admit it.

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Your cable stitch is sublime.

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Argh! I just don't get it.

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What's not to get?

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Just knit one, purl two.

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Knit one, purl two.

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-Loop to the end, then turn.

-DANCE HALL MUSIC

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-RECORD SCRATCHES

-Wait a minute. Are you...

1:08:211:08:23

ENJOYING this?

1:08:231:08:24

Are you kidding?!

1:08:241:08:26

It's rubbish. Totalistically nafftastic.

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In fact, I never want to knit again in my whole, entire life.

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Just a simple "no" would have done.

1:08:321:08:34

Hey, Miss V. Nice flicks.

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Loving the dress. Is that a new suit in noir?

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So, have you got that ticket? I'll meet you there.

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HE GASPS Ah-ah-ah. Not so fast, kitty-cat.

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We haven't even discussed terms yet.

1:08:511:08:53

Nobody said anything about terms.

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What are terms?

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You don't get something for nothing.

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So, what are you going to give me for the ticket?

1:09:001:09:03

I hear your faux-French polish pedicure is to die for.

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HE GROANS

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Put down your rule-book and read my lips.

1:09:091:09:12

-This little lot are Dede-licious.

-Don't do it!

1:09:121:09:14

Can I just say, I know this entire situation is simply...

1:09:151:09:19

Remarkable! Looks like you've excelled yourself, Baxter.

1:09:191:09:22

Ah, right. Well, um...

1:09:221:09:25

-I try my best!

-Does she ever?!

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This girl here can turn her hand to anything, can't you?

1:09:271:09:30

In fact, I'm amazed she isn't in pole position

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for that deputy head girl role.

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How unsubtle.

1:09:341:09:36

Agreed. Dede? You're back in the running.

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Unsubtle works for me.

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In fact, you're neck-and-neck with my only other choice.

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-And that would be...?

-You, dummy!

1:09:431:09:45

-What?

-What?

-I mean, it's great to have practical skills like Dede,

1:09:451:09:49

but you had the idea, and that's also what I want -

1:09:491:09:52

a creative-thinking problem-solver.

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Thankfully, I don't have to make my mind up until tomorrow.

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Keep up the good work, girls.

1:09:581:10:00

-This is a disaster.

-Well, you're telling me.

1:10:051:10:08

Bobby the bobby's going to bang me up if I don't get this sorted,

1:10:081:10:11

and there's no way that this light fits on to this car.

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I'm talking about not being able to swim without my armbands.

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I have tried everything bar glue and rope.

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-HE SPEAKS OVER RADIO

-'PC Woods to DI Jenkins,

1:10:221:10:25

'this is not about you, it's about me.'

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I tried everything in that swimming pool. Breaststroke, butterfly...

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doggy paddle,

1:10:321:10:33

but nothing works without my wings.

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-HE SNIGGERS

-Sorry.

1:10:351:10:37

I tried to man up, but I let myself down.

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ARMBAND POPS AND HISSES...

1:10:431:10:44

AND DEFLATES

1:10:441:10:46

-What, a bit like that?

-Boss, this is serious.

1:10:461:10:48

Natalie's going to think I'm a right Muppet wearing...

1:10:481:10:51

-LIGHT CASING CLATTERS

-Oh...

1:10:511:10:54

Nonsense. Look,

1:10:541:10:56

sometimes there's more to being a man than just manning up.

1:10:561:11:00

Sometimes it takes a big guy to admit that he can't do something.

1:11:001:11:05

I definitely can't sort out that flashing nonsense.

1:11:051:11:08

Now, you go, you take these armbands...

1:11:081:11:12

-ORCHESTRAL MUSIC SWELLS

-..and you wear them with pride.

1:11:121:11:14

-Are you kidding? I'll look stupid.

-No. You look in control.

1:11:141:11:18

Oh, yes.

1:11:181:11:19

The Keithmeister - he's no backseat driver.

1:11:191:11:22

He's got his pedal to the metal, he's got his gear in gear

1:11:221:11:25

and he's gliding up that pool wearing these wings with pride.

1:11:251:11:29

Yeah? Now, when I go and tell Bobby

1:11:301:11:32

that that flashing light has flummoxed me,

1:11:321:11:35

you go and you show those pool people

1:11:351:11:38

how to party with a pair of armbands!

1:11:381:11:41

-MUSIC FINISHES

-Boss, you're right. I'm going to.

1:11:411:11:44

I will. You watch me fly.

1:11:441:11:46

-Oh, yes.

-I mean, swim.

-Yeah.

1:11:461:11:49

-See ya.

-Yeah.

1:11:491:11:51

Right. One more time.

1:11:511:11:53

-Boss, do we have a puncture repair kit?

-Out!

1:11:531:11:55

You're going to have to talk to me sometime. Or just hang up.

1:12:021:12:06

Wait a second - have you already hung up?

1:12:061:12:09

Ooh, I don't want to talk to you.

1:12:091:12:11

I can't believe you're in the running to be deputy head girl.

1:12:111:12:13

Um, that's the point - neither can I. But we can sort this.

1:12:131:12:17

I'll just tell Megan I don't want the job.

1:12:171:12:19

Like you could even do the job. You wouldn't know where to start.

1:12:191:12:22

Uh, well, clearly I would, since I'm a creative-thinking problem-solver.

1:12:221:12:26

BELL RINGS More a non-thinking problem-creator.

1:12:261:12:29

-DING

-Well, I can't be that bad,

1:12:291:12:30

considering I got you back in her good books and back in the running.

1:12:301:12:34

DING If it wasn't for your stupidity,

1:12:341:12:36

I would never have been OUT of the running.

1:12:361:12:38

-DING

-Oh, my Lady Gaga.

1:12:381:12:40

You think I'm too dumb to be deputy head girl, don't you?

1:12:401:12:43

DING I didn't say that.

1:12:431:12:44

-DING

-You didn't have to. You know what?

1:12:441:12:46

-You always underestimate me.

-But...

-Well, not any more.

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As of now, I am officially up for being Megatron's number two.

1:12:491:12:52

-Prepare to be de-deputised, Dede.

-DING

1:12:521:12:54

Bring it. DING

1:12:541:12:55

-Here, let me take that for you.

-On it!

1:12:581:13:01

-Uh, thanks, girls?

-Come, take a load off.

1:13:011:13:04

-A latte for the lady!

-OK, what's going on?

1:13:041:13:06

Nothing. Just showing you what life will be like when I'm your...

1:13:061:13:09

-second in command.

-Save it, Sass.

1:13:091:13:11

There's only one Deputy Dede, here.

1:13:111:13:14

Save it yourself, sister. Trust me, if you go with this one,

1:13:141:13:18

-it will be percentages over people, all the time.

-Says HER.

1:13:181:13:22

The only people she's interested in are the front page of Scandalicious,

1:13:221:13:25

along with a free sachet of naff nail-polish for your pet pooch.

1:13:251:13:29

Oh, that is rich!

1:13:291:13:31

Dede knows nothing about popular culture.

1:13:311:13:33

She thinks Chipmunk is a small, furry animal!

1:13:331:13:36

When clearly he's a rapper.

1:13:361:13:38

Says HER. Sadie thinks the Hadron Particle Collider

1:13:381:13:41

is a ride at Babington Towers!

1:13:411:13:43

I don't want to hear your opinions on each other,

1:13:431:13:46

I want to hear what each of YOU has to offer ME,

1:13:461:13:48

and, as rule 47 in the head girl rule-book clearly states,

1:13:481:13:51

you'll have to do this by preparing a 1,000 word essay

1:13:511:13:54

-on why I should pick you.

-Done.

-Done.

1:13:541:13:57

No way. Kit would never do anything that gross.

1:14:061:14:09

Who told you to stop, tootsie boy?

1:14:101:14:12

Work my piggies faster!

1:14:121:14:14

But I've already got finger burn.

1:14:141:14:16

Who cares? I'm going to have my bunions buffed after this.

1:14:161:14:19

Bunions? You can get a life.

1:14:191:14:22

It's your choice, but remember...

1:14:221:14:24

The bunions get you backstage.

1:14:241:14:27

OK. Who wants to play Ninja Warlord: The Return Of Kamutan 2?

1:14:331:14:38

All right, Jakester? Jakey boy? The Jake-atron?

1:14:381:14:41

-What's going on?

-Going on? I don't know what you mean.

1:14:411:14:44

-Are you hiding something?

-Me?

1:14:441:14:47

As if. Good one!

1:14:471:14:49

-SOMETHING CLATTERS

-What's behind the chair?

1:14:491:14:52

Um... It's Roger.

1:14:521:14:55

And he's ill. Feeling really poorly.

1:14:551:14:57

Doesn't want to be disturbed, do you, Rog?

1:14:571:15:00

-HE THUMPS TYRES

-Ruff.

1:15:001:15:02

Oh. OK, you want to play in the lounge, then?

1:15:021:15:05

Sorry, no can do. Really busy.

1:15:051:15:08

Flat out.

1:15:081:15:09

Looking after Roger.

1:15:091:15:12

-See you, then.

-What's this doing here?

1:15:121:15:16

Um...Imogen must have left it.

1:15:161:15:18

You know what girls are like. Heads like sieves.

1:15:181:15:21

Bye.

1:15:231:15:25

Heads like sieves?!

1:15:271:15:29

Insult me again and our little secret

1:15:291:15:32

won't stay secret for much longer.

1:15:321:15:34

'So, yeah. If you pick me, Megatron,

1:15:391:15:41

'there is no way you'll be sorrylicious,

1:15:411:15:43

'because A, I'm totally great to be around,

1:15:431:15:45

'and B, I can give you some seriously top fashion tips,

1:15:451:15:48

'and C, I'm, like, insanely...

1:15:481:15:50

..organised.

1:15:561:15:57

Hmm. Not bad. How many words is that?

1:15:571:16:00

Oh, 35?! Deeds is going to make mincemeat out of me.

1:16:001:16:03

"And so, as an addendum to my 1,000 word argument above,

1:16:041:16:09

"I say to you, what is a deputy?

1:16:091:16:12

"An elbow to an arm. A hinge to a door.

1:16:121:16:16

"Fuel to a jet-plane and so much more.

1:16:161:16:19

"I'll be your rock, your sounding board and your devoted servant."

1:16:191:16:24

Very nice.

1:16:261:16:27

Beat that, Jenkster.

1:16:281:16:31

See what I mean?

1:16:321:16:34

What do you mean all the Katy Perry tickets are gone?!

1:16:341:16:36

You realise you're talking to the head girl

1:16:361:16:39

of the Heather Chandler Memorial School here, don't you?

1:16:391:16:41

And the head girl rule-book states categorically that...

1:16:411:16:44

Hello? Hello?

1:16:441:16:47

And suddenly the Jenkster is back in the game.

1:16:481:16:51

Very good.

1:16:521:16:54

Hmm.

1:16:551:16:57

-Interesting.

-And there are footnotes at the foot of the page.

1:16:571:17:01

Obviously. And I have an appendix if you'd like to see it.

1:17:011:17:05

I'm fine. Sadie, may I see your essay?

1:17:051:17:07

With pleasure.

1:17:071:17:08

Sorry about the stains. That's mushy peas and not bogies,

1:17:101:17:13

and it's slightly under the word count.

1:17:131:17:15

950 words under, to be precise,

1:17:151:17:18

but, as they say, less is more.

1:17:181:17:21

Well, I think the choice is obvious.

1:17:211:17:24

Sadie, you've got the gig.

1:17:241:17:26

Yes! Get in, go Sassy, go Sassy. In your face, Baxter.

1:17:261:17:31

Not so full of yourself now, are you?

1:17:311:17:34

But I... I worked SO hard for this.

1:17:341:17:38

I really did.

1:17:381:17:39

I'm sorry. This is very unprofessional of me.

1:17:401:17:43

Well done, Sass.

1:17:431:17:45

NEAR TO TEARS: The best person won.

1:17:451:17:47

Ticket, please. For the K-to-the-P's concert.

1:17:471:17:50

Good work, deputy.

1:17:531:17:55

For the love of Gaga, Jenkster.

1:17:551:17:58

What have you done?

1:17:581:18:00

Oh...

1:18:071:18:09

All that fuss for that. It's hardly aglow.

1:18:101:18:12

-Whoop, whoop.

-Oh, crikey.

-Let's get this party started, boss.

1:18:121:18:16

Take it the armbands went down well?

1:18:161:18:18

-No. I haven't even been to the party yet.

-What are you so happy for?

1:18:181:18:21

Turns out it's not a swimming-pool party, it's a POOL pool party.

1:18:211:18:25

you know, with cues and balls.

1:18:251:18:27

I don't have to wear the armbands after all.

1:18:271:18:29

-Well, glad it worked out for you, mate.

-Just one thing. How...

1:18:291:18:32

How do you play pool?

1:18:321:18:34

Out. Now. Out!

1:18:341:18:37

Oh, by the way, your bulb's blown.

1:18:371:18:39

Oh...

1:18:391:18:41

All clear, let's go.

1:18:421:18:45

-Hit me with it.

-Read it and weep, Danny boy.

1:18:461:18:49

It's a three-part alpaca snood, with convoluted cross-stitch design.

1:18:491:18:53

-Knitting heaven.

-Awesome. I can't believe how cool these needles are.

1:18:531:18:57

It's even better than...

1:18:571:18:58

Ninja Warlord?!

1:18:581:19:00

I knew it! You're a secret knitter. You dumped me for her and her...

1:19:001:19:03

-alpaca!

-That's a lie.

1:19:031:19:06

Um... No, it's not.

1:19:061:19:08

I can't believe the betrayal. You said knitting was nafftastic.

1:19:081:19:12

It was. And then it wasn't.

1:19:121:19:15

And then I got hooked. What could I do? I'm sorry, OK? Forgive me?

1:19:151:19:19

-Never!

-What if I gave you this jumper I knitted

1:19:191:19:21

-for your arts-and-crafts assignment?

-Done. Just one thing...

1:19:211:19:25

Why has it got three arms?

1:19:251:19:27

IMOGEN GASPS

1:19:271:19:29

Call yourself a knitter? I don't think so.

1:19:291:19:32

No! What am I supposed to do without that convoluted cross-stitch design?

1:19:331:19:39

Let's never discuss this again.

1:19:441:19:46

Agreed.

1:19:461:19:48

OK. Arrest me.

1:19:551:19:58

-You what?

-I've done some really bad things in my time, but this...

1:19:581:20:02

This was a new low in the Jenkins catalogue of really low lows.

1:20:021:20:05

All right.

1:20:051:20:08

Anything you say can and will be taken down in evidence

1:20:081:20:11

and used against you. Forever.

1:20:111:20:13

OK, so here's the deal. I was supposed to show Dede

1:20:131:20:16

what a good friend I was by getting her the deputy head girl gig,

1:20:161:20:19

but I ended up getting it myself.

1:20:191:20:21

You're deputy head girl? That's brilliant!

1:20:211:20:24

I bribed my way into it.

1:20:241:20:26

Not brilliant.

1:20:261:20:27

I know, I was a total idiot, and I treated Dede so badly.

1:20:271:20:31

Well, just come clean to her.

1:20:311:20:33

-Even if I do, it's still not going to get her the job.

-Why not?

1:20:331:20:37

Cos this goes all the way to the top, Dad.

1:20:371:20:39

Megatron's the head girl and she's the one who took the bribe.

1:20:391:20:42

There must be rules behind these things.

1:20:421:20:44

-BELL RINGS

-OMLG, you're totalistically right!

1:20:441:20:48

BTW, you do know that's a Japanese click flasher light, don't you?

1:20:501:20:53

Thanks again, Dad. You're a genius.

1:21:021:21:05

And so, my girl, are you.

1:21:051:21:08

HE LAUGHS GLEEFULLY

1:21:081:21:11

Attention, please! Can we please get on with this meeting?

1:21:171:21:21

It can't start until both the head girl

1:21:211:21:23

and her deputy give their full attention.

1:21:231:21:26

Rule 68 of the head girl rule-book...

1:21:261:21:28

Looking for this?

1:21:281:21:30

"Come quick, Deeds. Professor Brian Cox is enjoying a Share-a-shake

1:21:301:21:34

"with Stephen Hawking in the diner."

1:21:341:21:37

-Yeah. That wasn't strictly...

-True? I know. How stupid do you think I am?

1:21:371:21:41

-You still came.

-Yah-huh. To hear your usual, garbled apology.

1:21:411:21:45

-Come on, then. Out with it.

-Can we please get on with this meeting?

1:21:451:21:50

Of course. Dede, take a seat.

1:21:501:21:52

I'm afraid rule 94 states that only head girls

1:21:521:21:54

and their deputies can attend head-of-department meetings.

1:21:541:21:58

That's a relief, cos Dede's the new deputy head girl.

1:21:581:22:00

-What?

-What?

-But she can't be. It's my decision.

1:22:001:22:04

Not if the current deputy quits the post. Rule 52.

1:22:041:22:07

"In such a case, the second choice deputy

1:22:071:22:10

-"immediately ascends to the post."

-But... But...

1:22:101:22:12

But you'd know that, seeing as this is your rule-book.

1:22:121:22:15

But you haven't quit the post.

1:22:151:22:17

I quit.

1:22:171:22:18

-Seriously?

-Yah-huh.

1:22:181:22:20

I'm sorry I've been such a stupid, selfish and ungenerous BFF, Deeds.

1:22:201:22:25

And besides, you worked so hard to get this job,

1:22:251:22:27

and I only bribed Megan into giving it to me.

1:22:271:22:30

-Sadie!

-Look, no matter who got what or how,

1:22:301:22:32

I'm not being lumbered with a deputy I didn't pick.

1:22:321:22:35

Rule 98, "I'M the head girl, so it's MY decision."

1:22:351:22:39

Well, you're not head girl any more, because according to rule 107,

1:22:391:22:43

"A head girl who actively brings the school into disrepute

1:22:431:22:46

"by engaging in larceny, felony or bribery,

1:22:461:22:50

"immediately forfeits her title, which then goes to her deputy."

1:22:501:22:54

-No way.

-No way.

-Way.

1:22:541:22:55

Congratulations, Deeds. You're the new head girl.

1:22:551:22:58

Zingon blasters! I'm the new head girl?

1:22:581:23:01

APPLAUSE

1:23:011:23:03

No...but, I... This is outrageous.

1:23:031:23:06

Beat it, Megan, before I throw this book at you. Literally.

1:23:061:23:10

I don't know what to say.

1:23:101:23:11

Say, "Thanks for realising what a idiot you've been, Sass,

1:23:111:23:15

"and how lucky you are to have a friend like me."

1:23:151:23:17

No! I can't take it any more!

1:23:171:23:20

Katy Perry or not, I can't possibly touch her corns.

1:23:201:23:23

-Katy Perry's corns?

-No! Miss V's.

1:23:231:23:26

Whilst you two have been blabbering on

1:23:261:23:29

about being deputy-headless girls,

1:23:291:23:31

I found out that Miss V has backstage passes to Katy's concert.

1:23:311:23:35

And I was going to upstage you by waving to you from the wings.

1:23:351:23:39

But nothing is worth that... That footsie-based terror.

1:23:391:23:42

MUSIC: PSYCHO-TYPE THEME

1:23:421:23:45

-Your loss, kitty-cat.

-That's it. There's no pity for the kitty.

1:23:451:23:49

Seeing as Megan's got my ticket,

1:23:491:23:50

which I should have given to you if I was any kind of friend,

1:23:501:23:53

I guess I could indulge in a little corn-rubbing to help you get there.

1:23:531:23:59

You work my verrucas and you can come to the concert, too.

1:23:591:24:03

Yay. Lucky me.

1:24:031:24:05

Wow. Katy's clearly got a wider fanbase than I first imagined.

1:24:291:24:33

Well, when you've been around for as long as he has,

1:24:331:24:36

you appeal to all sorts.

1:24:361:24:37

"He"? Um, the Perrymeister's a girl?

1:24:371:24:40

What are you talking about, you fools?

1:24:401:24:43

KT Perri is legendary banjo-playing Klyppoden folk-singer.

1:24:431:24:48

MISS V SIGHS Stuff your lug-holes.

1:24:481:24:51

He goes on for hours. In Klyppoden.

1:24:511:24:54

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1:24:541:24:57

HE SINGS IN HIS OWN LANGUAGE

1:25:001:25:02

Kit!

1:25:041:25:05

Oh, look. Mistaken-identity o'clock. Must dash.

1:25:051:25:09

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