Moviemashupamundo Sadie J

.

Exciting news flash coming to you live from Channel Sass.

Wait, let me finish my Frappuccino.

HE SLURPS

OK, go.

SIRENS Brain freeze.

Dad's gone to the annual Carmarthen Carburettor Convention. Yay!

Exsqueeze me? I just give myself an ice-cold lobotomy for that?!

The point is, Dad's away for two days

so technically Keith's in charge, but it's basically a free house.

So, I'm thinking...

FANFARE

Mega movie night.

Please can we watch the Street Dance 3?

You can't stop the street dance. It's like Street Dance 1 and 2

except this time you literally cannot stop the street dance.

Or there's this fantastic

and highly informative new documentary on the Hubble telescope!

Oh, come on, guys, it will be Hubble-licious.

-Hubble.

-Street Dance.

-Hubble.

-Street Dance. Street Dance!

-Hubble.

-Hubble.

-Street Dance!

-Please, Hubble.

-OK, stop with the weird whispering!

-How about we watch them both?

-Yeah, all right(!)

-I won't watch the telescope one.

-Neither will I.

Brilliant, that's settled then. Two films with my to BFFs.

This movie night is going to be so fierce it's frightening.

-Oh, my Lady Gaga! You're having a fright night?

-A what night?

Duh! The creepy craze that's sweeping the nation, dummy.

You get your mates round to watch a totally horrific horror film,

then try to scare them to death while they're watching it.

I've been to literally loads.

They're so beyond cool, they're almost not cool, except they are.

That's how cool they are.

Cool.

-No, actually...

-I think we'll...

-Yeah, fright night! Yeah, of course.

I mean, we're only watching the newest,

scariest, most frightening film ever.

-What, Swamp Beast 2?

-Yeah, that one.

The one with the swamp and the beast. Two.

What can I say?

When Sadie J throws a fright night, it knows it's been thrown.

It's not just a scary movie, it's a whole horror house from hell.

-You don't even like horror films.

-You've never liked them.

Of course I don't like them, I love them.

-Yeah, right!

-I'm serious. Come by tonight if you don't believe me.

Or are you too much of a chicken? Bwawk-bwawk-bwawk!

-Fine, I'm there.

-Say what?

Seven OK? Great, see yas.

# Won't somebody tell me why

# I'm always surrounded by boys?

# Give me a break

# They've got attitude Kind of cute

# But when they're in trouble Tricks are good

# To save the day To save the day

# I'd love another girl Around the place

# Could you be her?

# Someone to back me up so I always

# Have the last word

# I guess it's hard To be the only girl

# In a boys' world

# Girl, girl

# In a boys'...

# I know I'm strong because I've got a positive

# Mental attitude

# Understanding, kind of sensitive

# Don't want gratitude

# I just don't wanna be The only girl

# In a boys' world. #

Come on, Sass, it's just a rubber bat.

SHE SHRIEKS

-Hey, Sass.

-All right?

Can't wait for our mega movie night tonight.

Ninja Hamsters 4: Furballl's Revenge is going to rock.

-Nah-ah.

-Ya-ha.

You promised Dad you'd look after us and that we'd have a popcorn pig-out

with surround-sound and enough ice cream to fill an ice-cream van.

Lights, camera, awesome.

I never said that!

'Don't worry, Dad, I'll look after the boys.

'We'll have a mega mega movie night.

'We're talking popcorn pig-out with a surround-sound

'and enough ice-cream to fill an ice-cream van.

'Lights, camera, awesome.'

OK, I said that. I didn't mean it, duh!

-BOTH: What?

-Uh-oh.

Daddy-o will not be pleased when he realises

that you haven't been taking proper care of us.

In fact, he'll be on the next train home. Jake, the phone.

-OK, fine, mega movie night it is.

-BOTH: Yes!

Just excuse me.

Noooooooo!

OK, guys, so I promised Ashlii a super-scary movie night

but then I also promised the boys

we'd watch Ninja Hamsters 4 - Furball's Revenge

and if I don't do it, then they're going to dob me into Dad,

he's going to come back and there'll be no mega movie night at all.

Frightening or not - help!

Yeah, well, you promised me that we'd watch Street Dance 3.

And you promised me we'd watch The History Of The Hubble Telescope.

Your promises are a hollow sham, like Jedward.

And if you think we're going to help you, well you can just...

-Did you just cut Sadie off?

-Yup.

-Good!

Now I can get on with updating my website.

Quelle website?

It's for the Young Website Designer's

Website Designer Design Competition Of The Year.

Whoever gets the most hits wins the comp. Check out my submission.

Helpfulhandyhomeworkhints tohelpyouwithyourhomework.com.

Hello, homework fans!

Do you have trouble remembering all those exciting facts

from Tudor history? You do?

All you need is my totally terrific Tudor timeline.

Oh, my Lady Gaga. Please say you haven't put this on the internet.

Scoff away, hater, I'm going to be an internet sensation.

That website design award is in the bag.

Entree, por favor, into mon garage de cars.

Oh, my days!

I cannot believe this is all yours.

Yeah, this is all Keithy's garage.

Home of the Keithmeister. Keith Central.

Keithland. Planet Keith.

W to the OW.

I thought my last boyfriend was rich - he was a footballer.

Not Premier, obvs.

Barely Third Division, but you, you could buy and sell him.

Er, yeah, probably.

So, why does it say "Mr Motors, proprietor Steve Jenkins" outside?

Er...

Because that's my nickname. Steve is short for Keith.

So anyway, where did you want to go on our date...

CRASH!

Where did you want to go on our date tomorrow night?

-Thing about me, Steve...

-Keith.

..is that I only go to dead cool places.

If it's not VIP, it's VI don't want to know.

I just made that up. What am I like?

Still, big businessmen like you must know all the on trend places.

Er, yeah, cos that's where people that own their own garages go to.

So, brilliant, babes. What time shall I come round tomoz?

About six - that's what time I usually like to knock off.

-I'm my own boss, so I can knock off whenever I like.

-What's this?

"Keith's to-do list."

Yeah, that's my to-do list.

-I like to give myself lists of things to do.

-It's from Steve.

Which is my nickname, as we've already established.

"Make sure all this is done or you're toast."

I'm very hard on myself.

Maybe you should come round at seven.

Make that half seven.

Well, seeing as Kit and Deeds were like zero help,

I've come up with a little planamundo of my own.

Great news, your folks rang and they're desperate to watch

Ninja Hamster 4 - Furball's Revenge with you guys.

I mean, I said I wanted to do a mega movie night

but they were like, "Nah-ah, we need those Ninja hamsters now!"

Nice try, Sass, but we're not going anywhere. You promised!

-Besides, with Dad away, we're the men of the house.

-What about Keith?

THEY LAUGH

No. So, anything can happen

which is why we're training Roger to be a guard dog.

Observe.

Look, Roger, an intruder. Go get him!

Ha ha ha, I'm an evil intruder.

You probably want to get me.

Look, I'm stealing your stuff. Ha ha ha!

Oh, for Pixie's sake, that's not going to work.

Look, the only thing makes Roger angry is mustard - see?

HE BARKS

So all we have to do is make sure

that any intruder is completely covered in mustard?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Enough with the hmm-ing. You have to stay at Jake's tonight.

I need his place to myself because I...

I need to revise for a big exam.

In what subject - Key Stage 2 lying really badly?

But we were going to have a mega movie night, just the two of us.

-And him.

-I know, I'm sorry.

I promise we'll have a mega movie night tomorrow,

just as long as you're not here tonight.

-I'll even let you sit by me, Jake.

-Done.

Yes, get in!

Now all I need to do is give Ashlii a fright to end all fright nights.

No biggie. I need help!

Check it out, 1,800 hits.

Somebody better break out the embarrassment sauce.

Huh, that's nothing.

Besides, I'm making my own website for

the Website Designer's Design Competition

and I'll have more hits than a pinata at a primary-school party.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Mangoberry smoothies, anyone?

Oh, yes, I went XL and ooh, what's this? Donuts?

Are you trying to buy back our friendship?

-Is it working?

-No.

-Maybe.

-Come on, guys!

I really need your help to make my fright night go with a bang.

It can't just be me and Ashlii - now that would be scary.

And plus, I promise we'll watch your films afterwards.

We'll even stay up all night. Slumber-licious!

Fine, I'll log on to your website

-all day every day for the next two weeks.

-It's a deal.

-You have to get the donuts.

-Coolio.

Don't forget to wear scary costumes.

Dede can just wear what she's got on now.

Oh, look, 1,950 hits.

Hey, Sass, ready for your lame-fest?

-I mean, fright night.

-Too right.

Good, so you won't mind

that I've invited Kelisha von Konakov to it?

-Who's Kelisha von Konakov?

-Duh! Only the Queen Of Cool!

And the queen of fright nights.

HEAVY METAL MUSIC

THEY SLURP

She's even got her own website -

arrrrrrgh.com

where she reviews all things scary.

One bad review, and it's all over the world

that you're a social nonentity/mega-loser.

Think you can handle the pressure?

Totalistically. Handle The Pressure is my middle name.

-I thought it was Blodwen?

-Shush now, Deeds.

-In fact, you can tell Kelisha she HAS to be there.

-Great.

Though she can do tonight, so it'll have to be tomorrow, OK?

Tomorrow? But I...

Oh, don't tell me there's a problem? Convenient much?

No, no problem. Tomorrow's fine.

Be there or be scared.

I mean and. Be there and be scared.

-See yas.

-Hmm(!)

But, Sadie, you're doing your movie night with the boys tomorrow!

Duh, like I don't know?

But it'll be fine.

I'll just have two movie nights

on the same night at the same time in the same house,

one of which has to be the scariest fright night ever.

Oh!

OK, I think I've solved our guard dog problem.

Now, pay attention. Intruder enters through back door...

..tripping on the tripwire...

which activates the mustard guns.

Roger sees mustard...

Roger goes crazy...

..intruder runs away.

Best...plan...ever.

I'm on tripwire, you're on mustard guns.

ROGER BARKS

Right, that's the electric sorted on the Austin.

One or two glitches, but we got there in the end.

Only 17 more jobs left to do.

I mean, there must be a way

I can have two movie nights at the same time.

It's imperative I keep the boys away from Ashlii and Kelisha.

Jake and Danny are like the antithesis of cool.

Wow, "imperative" and "antithesis" in one sentence.

My vocabulary always goes up a notch when I'm stressed.

Seriously though, guys, what am I going to do? Ooh, nice website.

-Aw, thanks, Sass.

-No, I meant Kit's.

-You really built one?

-Ya-ha.

Ch-ch-check it out.

'Do you have trouble keeping up with

'those exciting events from London Fashion Week?

'All you need is my totally fabulicious

'London Fashion Week timeline.'

You've completely stolen my website. They're identical.

-No they're not.

-Name one difference.

-Mine's good.

Guys, please can we focus on my extremely important problem?

Jake, Danny, fright night, Ashlii and Kelisha!

This kind of corporate theft will not stand.

Look at them, Sass, tell me they're not identical.

1536, Henry VIII executes Anne Boleyn.

15:36pm, Sienna Miller executes a perfect demonstration of boho chic.

1538, Henry VIII destroys the monasteries.

15:38pm, Vivienne Westwood destroys the competition

with her fashiontastic shirt.

-You see?

-Of course I see! It's OMGenius!

Thanks, guys, you totalistically solved my problem.

Hello, do you have trouble organising, and attending,

two movie nights at once?

I do.

But luckily, all I need

is my totally terrific Two Movie Night Timeline,

which I thought of all on my own.

7:15 - Make sure boys are in treehouse,

ready for mega movie night.

7:16 - Make excuse about getting snacks.

7:20 - Guests arrive for Fright Night.

7:25 - Return to the treehouse and put on the Ninja Hamster movie.

Leave the boys to watch it, then go back and enjoy my Fright Night.

Hey, presto! All sorted!

"Sadie," I hear you ask. "Won't the boys realise you're not watching

"the film with them?"

Well, no-o, because I'm going to be in two places at once. How?

With the help of this little baby. That's how.

CLICKING

Wow, I'm so excited to be watching

Ninja Hamster 4 - The Furball's Revenge tonight with you guys.

Oh, would you look at that ninja hamster move!

That was the best Ninja Hamster film I've ever seen!

Awesome.

CLICKING

With the lights off, they'll never even know I'm not there.

Phew! So that's the boys taken care of,

which means I'm free to dazzle Kelisha

with my fright night fierceness.

"Battery change on the Peugeot." Easy.

Oh, come on, you stupid car! Ugh!

This is a disaster.

I know. My Del Monte dress is in the wash. I had to wear this old thing.

Ready to roll?

Eh...I guess.

So, where are we going to, babes?

Where are we going to?

We're going...Excitement City.

Where's that? Is it a new club?

Eh, no, it's... It's right here.

I've prepared a special night for us in the garage.

Anyways, staying in is the new going out.

Seriously?

Yeah, I've already got some romantic music.

SWITCHES ON CAR RADIO

SWITCHES STATIONS

HEAVY ROCK PLAYS

MUSIC: "Islands In The Street" by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton

And some romantic lighting.

Argh!

Sorry, that was full beam.

OK, Operation Be In Two Places At Once is a go-go.

OK, boys, ready for our mega movie night?

BOTH: Ya-hah!

Grab a seat, get comfy and we can all enjoy some top-notch

rodent martial arts.

Oops, 7:16. Time to get some snacks in.

Doh, what am I like?! I forgot the popcorn.

-THEATRICALLY:

-Welcome to my fright ni-...

Oh, it's just you.

Um...

what's with the technology?

And what are you wearing? I thought I said scary costumes.

I've come as Mr Gillard, my dentist. He's terrifying.

Kit's a vampire. Appropriate, since he's sucking the lifeblood

out of my website.

Not that it matters. I've still got way more hits that you.

Oh, yeah? We'll see who's going to be the most successful

-by the end of the night.

-DOORBELL RINGS

Ashlii and Kelisha are here. When I open the door, do something scary.

-THEATRICALLY:

-Dare you enter the House of Terror? Cackle, cackle.

LAMELY: Woo-o-o-o-o.

I take it the fright night hasn't started yet?

Of course not, that was just, erm...

-HISSING:

-..rubbish.

Loving the costumes, girls.

By the way,

um, what are your costumes?

I've come as the good-looking girl in a scary movie -

the one who everyone thinks is going to get killed,

but then doesn't get killed. I've come as her.

Um, I've come as a wicked witch.

Yeah. A stretch(!)

-What are you doing?

-Oh, didn't I mention?

Kelisha's decided to broadcast your fright night live

on Aaarrggghhh!.com

But I, erm...

No, don't be intimidated. Kelisha's only got 17,000 viewers,

-who will ping their comments as they watch.

-Great, um...

-And those 17,000

have each got around 3,000 social network followers,

who have their own followers -

in their thousands.

I'm not good at maths, but I'm thinking there's going to be at least

a million people who are going to see you fail miserably tonight.

OMG! Carly from Ipswich already says this fright night sucks.

I know I do this all the time, but...

Aaarrrggghhh!

Sorry, guys! I'm back!

Let's get this mega-movie night show on the road!

-But where's the popcorn?

-And enough ice cream to fill a van?

Er, it's in...Roger's belly! Man, that dog is a pig!

Now let's get this movie going, cos I'm dying to see those

nifty ninja hamsters. Here goes nothing - wish me luck.

It's a bit dark, Sas.

We can't see a thing.

Erm...yeah, just like the cinema.

'Wow, I'm so excited to be watching Ninja Hamster 4...'

Yeah! They rock!

'Oh, would you look at that ninja hamster move!'

I know. Brilliant.

And did you know that, in 5.4 billion years, the sun's solar flares will be

so extreme, we'll all have to live in tunnels below ground.

And that's only the start of the slow death of the planet.

What are you doing? Sadie told us to scare her.

And that information doesn't scare you?!

Not as much as these!

Gruesome mocktails.

This is squash, with hard-boiled eggs floating in it.

Here I am! Thanks for holding the fort, guys.

-You owe me hips!

-I want more doughnuts.

-OK, OK.

Right, ladies, fancy taking this fright night to the next level?

Scary crisps, anyone?

Eh, what's scary about a crisps?

They are incredibly high in salt and fat.

Is this some sort of super joke?

I've spent the night in the most haunted house in Britain.

I holiday in Transylvania and, the last time I was there,

I slept in a coffin full of snakes.

OK, so you don't want the crisps? That's all you had to say.

-PING

-Dieter from Germany writes, "This fright night is awful, ja!

"I'm laughing so much I've got juice coming out of my nose."

Something scary better happen soon or your fright night is going to get

the worst review ever.

'That was a good kick that hamster did.'

Sadie, stop talking all the time. You're ruining the film.

He-ya! Karate chop!

What karate chop? No-one did a karate chop.

'Awesome.'

There's nothing "awesome" about that.

WEEPING ON SCREEN Furball just took his last breath.

-'Hilarious!'

-What's going on?!

-No...

-..way! Where has she gone?

She's in the lounge...

..watching a scary movie. In fact, the whole place is decorated

in scary stuff and there's even a mocktail bowl

with "Sadie's Super-Scary Fright Night" written on it.

She played us.

So, Sadie's having a fright night, is she?

Then, we'll make it the scariest fright night ever.

Voila!

Pie de chicken and mushroom.

You wouldn't get this in a four-star restaurant.

No, you really wouldn't.

Maybe afterwards, we could play my favourite game?

Who can change the tyres on that Volvo out the back the quickest?

Great(!) And then are we going to play Replace Mr Conrad's Fanbelt?

No.

Er, not unless you really want to.

We're doing your To Do list, aren't we?

-No!

-Keith!

OK, yes. I'm sorry.

Steve's not my nickname, he's my boss, and I've got to finish

all these jobs before he gets back. And now you're going to chuck me.

So, this isn't your garage?

-No.

-And you're not rich?

I have £28 in my piggy bank.

You lied to me.

Only because I didn't want to lose you.

Keith, that is...

the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me...ever!

You're amazing!

Right, let me help. Pass me that three-inch wrench.

I... I can't let you help.

You're a very classy girl.

Besides, this is a specialist car that needs very specialist care.

Actually, it's a run-of-the-mill Mazda MX5

and all it needs is an oil change.

What?

Oh, my dad owns Metta Motors. I grew up in a garage.

Now, let's get going, so we can get going.

CLANG!

TV: Argh! No, Swamp Beast! Don't eat my cat!

Uh, yawn. Even the Swamp Beast film is so not scary. 12A or what?!

Agreesville. Mega-yawn.

Y-yeah... You're not wrong.

I've had enough of this.

I think it's time for my incredibly scathing review.

CREAKING

Oh, boy, is Sadie going to regret the moment she ever tried

to make fools out of us!

Operation Terrify The Teenagers is a go-go. She's dealing with pros here.

-Tripwire?

-'Activate the mustard guns.'

BARKING

What was that?

Abort operation!

BARKING

CRASH!

-I don't like this!

-Why are you scared?

You slept in a coffin full of snakes in Transylvania.

They were plastic. And it was Kidderminster, not Transylvania!

-All done, babes, and still time to hit the town.

-Wow!

That's amazing! You fixed 15 cars in an hour.

That would have taken me all week.

-I know, you're, like, well rubbish at cars, Steve.

-It's Keith.

Look, Abby, I don't think it's going to work out between us.

-Why not, babes?

-Well, because you're a much better mechanic than I am.

-But...

-No, buts. Thank for fixing the cars, though.

Ohh!

BARKING

BOTH: Argh! Argh!

EVERYONE SCREAMS

Help me!

Sadie, what's going on?

I-I-I can explain...ish. You see the thing is...

-Sadie just executed THE scariest fright night ever.

-What?

-But that was...

-Oh, don't interrupt the lady!

Sheer brilliance, lulling me into a false sense of security

by making the beginning embarrassingly lame.

-And then - wham! - truly terrifying everyone at the end.

-Yab!

I give this fright night ten out of ten.

Sadie J is truly The Queen Of Scream.

Right, can't stop. I'm at FangFest at nine.

Now who's lame?

No! Argh!

SHE WHIMPERS

Yes! The Sasta is scarytabulicious. She's horrortastic.

Ain't nobody going to mess with the coolest queen of fright night,

cos she is fearless!

Argh!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

-TV: Yo, I just can't stop the street dance.

-Neither can I.

Wow, they really can't stop the street dance.

Kit, are you even watching?

OMG! Look, Deeds, 4,500 hits!

Actually, guys, I think you've both been beaten by...

"www.

"cutecuddlingotters.com".

Five million hits!

Oh, well, at least we tried...

-Now can we watch my Hubble Telescope documentary?

-Of course.

-TV:

-Hubble's primary mirror is an astonishing...

'Wow, Deeds, this is actually quite good!'

See, I told you you'd...

'That Hubble Telescope is hubble-licious.'

'And look at those lenses - awesometastic.'

-TV:

-..1,000 centimetres alone. The Hubble's location, beyond...