Ricolatino Sadie J

There you go - one double-double banana choc chip

shaka-laka share-a-shake with extra extra choc chips and no banana.

-Now, if you could just...

-Oh, Dede, that's so...

thoughtless! This is mine and Kit's shake.

I can't drink it now he's moved to Brazil.

Oh, no, don't sit there! That's Kit's place!

-WAS Kit's place...

-Sorry, my mistake.

LORRY REVERSE BEEP SOUNDS

OMLG!

You totally just flattened the one remaining reminder I have of Kit.

You mean, apart from the nightly Skype chats, the weekly postcards

and the Brazil Is Hot tankini he sent you yesterday?

That's not the point.

No, the point is, if you hadn't noticed, I'm still here.

How could I not notice you? You're dressed as a car.

That's because King Car Parks, the king of car parks,

are threatening to build a new car park

over the play area at the back of the diner.

We're campaigning against it all over town today.

Care to sign our "parks, not car parks" petition?

You don't get it, do you? Either of you.

I'm not mourning the loss of my best friend,

I'm mourning the loss of my bling friend.

Look, Deeds, I love you, you know I do.

You're my super sensitive, caring, intelligent BFF,

but Kit was my fashion- forward-slash-fabulicious BLF.

Without him, I'm nothing.

On a purely superficial level, you understand.

I miss Kit too, but you really don't need to worry about it.

I'm sure an equally bling friend will come along soon.

I mean, it's not like you desperately need one now.

I do hope you will be attending our Bop-a-mundo Bollywood?

It's going to be our biggest bop yet.

We're talking Delhi DJs, a curry eating competition

and more sequinned saris than you can throw a...sequinned sari at.

It is clearly going to be the blingiest event of the year.

-And breathe.

-I need to find a new bling friend now!

Sadie, stop!

-Friends don't just grow on trees.

-You can't just pick one from a line.

You mean like... Like an audition?

BOTH: Exactly.

Awesomundo! I'll audition for my new BLF.

BOTH: No!

I mean, audition? Don't be ridonculous.

Whatevs! Sign up now, peeps, if you want to S to the J's new BLF.

Oof...

# Won't somebody tell me why

# I'm always surrounded by boys?

# Give me a break

# They've got attitude Kind of cute

# But when they're in trouble Tricks are good

# To save the day To save the day

# I'd love another girl Around the place

# Could you be her?

# Someone to back me up so I always

# Have the last word

# I guess it's hard To be the only girl

# In a boys' world

# Girl, girl

# In a boys'...

# I know I'm strong because I've got a positive

# Mental attitude

# Understanding, kind of sensitive

# Don't want gratitude

# I just don't wanna be The only girl

# In a boys' world. #

I don't believe it, Theresa.

We've tried everything to raise awareness of that car park

being built at the back, but no-one seems to care.

They just think we're weirdos in fancy dress.

Or worse, street artists.

Someone tried to give me 50 pence.

That's a good thing, Delia. I say, let's take whatever cash we can get

-and use it to fight King Car Parks at their own game.

-Huh?

We could build a war chest, use it to buy in some hotshot lawyer

to take King Car Parks down.

Or you could put your faith in the steadfast, dependable

authority figure who's there to protect you from such a threat.

I don't think the Caped Crusader actually exists,

-but thanks, all the same.

-I meant, write to your local councillor.

Yes, that's brilliant! That's...

Do we know you?

This immaculately tailored hunk of loveliness

is Ajay, my new squeeze.

Delighted to make your acquaintance, ladies.

Any friend of my little Eastern European dough ball here

is a friend of mine. So, are you going to take my advice, ladies?

I'm not sold, Deeds. Don't you have to get through a ton of red tape

to get anything done by the council?

I'm a local businessman myself - horizontal structural engineering -

and I always settle any dispute by putting my faith

in the democratically elected powers that be.

It works. He drives a mammoth motor.

Plus, he's stumping up the cash to invest in our little Bollywood bash.

A pleasure, my Klaipedan princess.

I think Ajay's right, Theresa, we can't make a difference alone

but together, with the support of our local government representative,

we can fight King Car Parks all the way.

-Maybe, but I...

-Definitely! Thanks, Ajay, you're an inspiration.

And rather easy on the eye, don't you think?

Like I said, an inspiration.

Now, if you'll excuse us,

we have to write a stiffly worded letter to the council.

CRASH

OK, peeps, auditions for Sassy J's new BLF are officially on.

I put an ad in the Gazette...

-an ad online...

-PHONE RINGS

..and an ad on myself.

And guess what? It worked!

Right, you lot, this is your lot. I'm not made of coffee beans.

Besides, I can't hang around here all afternoon.

I've got a romantic lunch date with your dad.

TMI! I really think I could find the one this afternoon,

the blingtastic-fanastic one that's going to make

my Bollywood Bop-a-mundo go with a bada-bing.

Great, well, Rico, my new assistant,

will be here if you need anything else.

Out of my way, chico coming through!

He's a bit of a firebrand but nice enough.

-Have fun!

-Oh, I intend to.

No!

No.

No!

Oh, maybe.

Are you crazy? He's like a goat! He follow, don't lead.

I've got this, thanks. I'm afraid it a no.

So, any on-trend, boutiquey little bling brands you prefer?

-And what are your hot tracks of 2013?

-Who cares?!

-I do.

Sadie, finding a friend is about passion, not fashion.

Look, Padre, I don't need some jumped-up little salon assistant

telling me how to find my new BLF.

I know what I'm doing.

Whatevs, chica. You're never going to find a friend this way.

Bonjour, peeps. Sorry I'm late for the audition -

Gaga was debuting her bin liner bag range online

and then I simply had to pick up my fabulous, fierce fedora,

because it's so faboush, no?

Ha! Looks like you're wrong, Rico.

You are not going to believe this!

Jonah in year six has a robotic thumb?

-Everyone knows.

-Really?

No, it's not about that.

Miss V is holding a Bop-a-mundo Bollywood at the Y.

Already bored.

TV SLOWS DOWN AND STOPS

TV RESTARTS

And there's a curry eating competition.

The fastest person to eat four fiery dishes of madras wins.

Even more bored.

The prize for which is an entire home package

of top of the range gadgets,

-as donated by her super-rich new squeeze, Ajay.

-And?

And these gadgets include a mammoth 67-inch plasma screen,

so we can see goodbye to this old kronk and say hello to 3D TV.

Are you kidding? This TV's older than me.

We watched X Factor on this baby when Cheryl Cole was still on it.

There is nothing wrong with it.

BANG

So, when do we sign up for this curry eating competition?

-Pass us the wheel wrench.

-I'm busy, boss.

-Doing what?

Counting down the seconds till our all-you-can-eat.

I can't get enough "don't give me any more" Chinese buffet lunch.

Fine, I'll get my coat. Hold that.

-Hey.

-Ready for your lunch?

-What?

Did I or did I not say,

"It would be lovely to have a romantic lunch together one day."

-Then you said, "How about tomorrow?" Now it's tomorrow.

-Ah...

It's a little tough, cos Steve's promised me

a slap-up lunch at the Great Wall of China.

He said it's for doing such good work here.

No, I said it's just for working here.

Sorry about that, promised him ages ago.

Oh, such a shame, seeing as I spent all morning cooking

this from scratch from eight o'clock.

Which meant I had to get up at seven o'clock to do my hair

-and 6am to do my make-up.

-Fine.

Why don't we do the Great Wall another day?

They don't do all-you-can-eat on another day.

But it's called an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant,

which means it's all-you-can-eat every day.

Not on the wontons, it's in the small print. I like wontons.

I like my time, energy and effort being appreciated.

I've got an idea! What about the three of us have lunch together?

You can't deny me that.

Especially as I promise to take you to that fancy French place

you've been banging on about.

And, as I've decided,

it's about time I gave you that raise you were asking for.

What do you think?

-Great.

-Let's do this.

-Result.

I think "yours thankfully" has a friendlier ring to it.

Yes, if you want to add to

the inane Americanisation of our mother tongue, it does.

It's clearly "sincerely" or nothing.

OK, enough of the tippety tapping.

Guys, I've just found a brand-new bling friend

to add to our set of BFFs.

Guys, I'd like you to meet Kit #2. Meet Alex.

Tell the girls a bit about yourself, Al.

Well, pumpkin, where do I start?

..and that was the year I heard Britney for the first time.

Even as a toddler, I knew. I mean, I just knew.

We were kindred spirits, rhythmically.

-I don't mean to be rude, but Alex is no Kit.

-It's the glasses, isn't it?

They're putting you off. Maybe he can get contacts.

No, he's just incredibly boring.

He is not! He's glamtastic, amazalicious and fab-o-mundo.

And he's here to stay.

What was I talking about? Oh, yes, moi!

You know what this chico is, chica? The rebound BLF.

You're only with him because he reminds you of Kit.

From what I hear, he is no Kit Karter.

For your information, this is no rebound.

I actually really like Alex, a lot. In fact, everyone likes him.

Apparently, he's got 5,000 Twitter followers and counting.

Oh, stop, you're embarrassing me! It's all true, however.

-They like me, she likes me, I like me. Who doesn't like me?

-Me.

Just end this, idiota. You can't bear him or his boring stories any more.

-That's not true!

-Look, my friend,

you're about as much fun as my parakeet, Diego, back in Nerja.

And Diego is dead.

SQUAWK!

-But I thought what we had was so special, Sarah!

-It's Sadie!

You may think she likes you,

but I know the truth is that she'd rather pull off her pinkies

and shove them in her ears before she hears another word

from your "me, me, me, me," mouth.

-You monster!

-No! Alex!

Unbelievable!

You're very welcome.

It wasn't a compliment!

You are SO not getting away with this, chico.

Madre mia!

Well, um...

The coleslaw's great, isn't it?

Keith's a big fan of coleslaw. Aren't you, Keith?

-Just like you, Bev. Eh?

-Yeah, but I prefer chow mein.

Anybody see the footy last night?

Bev loves the beautiful game, don't you, lovely?

-Almost as much as you, Keith.

-It's all right.

Prefer rugby.

Come on, you two, you've got to have something in common, eh?

Fine, all right! That's it. I give up on the pair of you. Be free, go!

-Watch the hair!

-Ooh, the hair!

That's 10 quid's worth of Silky Bean gel you just disturbed there, Steve.

No... You use Silky Bean? That's like bottled gold.

Have you tried the shine enhancer?

Obviously. With the appropriate wax spray, yeah?

Rocking it already, darling.

I don't believe it! There you are, you've got something in common.

That's why I swear by a diffuser. It doesn't fry the follicles.

Do you know Silky Bean does an intense conditioner?

Yeah, they do. It's import only.

I can get it for you, through my wondrous weave contact.

-Can I steal Bev for a sec?

-Yes, please. Feel free. Fine.

What is wrong with you? What are you doing? What are you talking about?

What's going on, Sass?

Look, I don't want to get anyone in trouble... Well, actually I do.

-..but Rico is out of control in that salon.

-Why, what did he do?

He smashed the salon mirror. Right in front of me.

Had this diva fit because I said my tips were untidy.

What? I've got to get him punished properly.

-No!

-Yuh-huh.

I mean, you said he was a firebrand

but I didn't realise he could be that sparky.

You should so take the mirror money out of his wages.

I'll do more than that...

OK, Jakey-boy, there's just four cartons of this fiery madras

standing between us and that 3D TV.

Fill your boots.

MUSIC: "Pound The Alarm" by Nicki Minaj

HE SCREAMS

# We 'bout to get up and burn this floor

# You know we getting hotter...

-See, that wasn't so bad?

-Yeah, easy peasy.

# Let's shut it down

# Yo, what I gotta do to show these girls that I own them

# Some call me Nicki And some call me Roman

# Skeeza, pleeza I'm in Ibiza, whoa

# Giuseppe Zannotti My own sneaker... #

See? I reckon we're doing pretty well,

-considering how hot this stuff is.

-Totalistically.

-We're going to down that way faster than anyone else.

-All right, boys?

Madras, that's my favourite.

# Music makes me high... #

Keith, hands off! These are our practice dishes

for the curry eating competition at the Bop-a-mundo Bollywood.

Curry eating competition?

Whoever eats four fiery dishes the fastest

wins a 67-inch plasma screen 3D TV.

-Well, that plasma's as good as mine.

-BOTH: Huh?

They don't call me "Chilli Pepper Keith"

down Tanisha's Tandoori for nothing, do they?

But it's our TV. We need it.

Well, you're going to have to bring it at the curry comp then, ain't ya?

# Oh, oh, oh

# Come fill my glass up a little more... #

Consider it brung.

# Let's burn this floor

# You know we getting hotter and hotter

# Sexy and hotter

# Let's shut it down. #

HE SCREAMS

Man on fire!

HE SIGHS

I really do have to get back to work, my potato-cake-loving queen.

Ahh, schnoodlitis.

-Until the next time, adieu.

-Ahh.

What's up, little bug?

We think Ajay might have been wrong about the whole

-"write to your councillor" thing.

-Whatever makes you say that?

Because we got a reply saying our communication is being processed

and we have to fill in five health and safety forms,

three community questionnaires and we have to send off our passports.

Then they'll aim to get back to us within the next six to 12 months.

-So?

-The car park's being built in two weeks.

If I didn't know any better, I might think Ajay wanted to stall us.

You're being ridonculous. My little Ajay only wants to help.

Really? Where exactly did you meet him, Miss V?

Right here. I served him

a double latte, no coffee, extra milk

exactly three weeks ago today.

The exact same day they announced the building of the car park.

Not giving it all that now, are we, Rico?

Man, I bet Bev gave you such an earful. I bet she took you down.

-I bet she...

-She fired me.

-Huh?

-But I just wanted her to bawl you out.

-Me? Why?

Because you ruined everything with Alex, that's why.

I finally find my bling friend to replace Kit

and then you scare him away.

Alex won't even take my calls any more,

never mind go to the bop with me.

Look, I say it like it is. You want the truth? Don't come to Rico Town.

-Alex was dull.

-He was not.

What was I talking about? Oh, yes, moi.

OK, yes, he was quite dull, but you didn't have to be so rude about it.

I saved you from being bored to death. I actually did you a favour.

-Why?

-Because I like you, chica. Only as a friend, don't get excited.

The boy from Nerja is a free agent.

I think you are funny, crazy, klutzy,

and your hair is...

Meh! But it all kind of worked, like a donkey in a porkpie hat.

Hee-haw! Hee-haw!

Thanks...I think.

Anyway, I have to go now.

I'm practising my Bollywood moves at four,

then I'm shopping for a new outfit to wear at the bop at five.

Wow, that sounds like my perfect day.

Then I'm practising even more Bollywood moves

in my new Bop-a-mundo Bollywood outfit at six.

OMLG, you're my perfect BLF!

You're as outrageous as Kit, as outspoken as Kit,

as rude and as opinionated and, let's face it,

as fabulicious as him too.

Hey, you're right. We would make perfect BLFs...

Pity you got me fired, you lying, backstabbing serpiente!

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Um, what if I got you your job back?

With a pay rise...and free weaves?

Deal.

Right, the only way we can defeat Keith

in the curry eating competition

-and to bag that 3D TV is to man up with the madras.

-Uh, yeah...

The only way we're going to do that is to familiarise ourselves

with the Sindara Mahala way of eating.

-Sindara Mahala, is that a place?

-Affirmative.

It's on the high Street, next to the kebab shop.

That's where my dad got all this grub from.

-Anything we don't eat, he'll clean up later.

-But what exactly is it?

Listen in, soldier. Daal, phal, vindaloo, tindaloo and kamizcurry.

Sunil at the restaurant assures me

that these are his fieriest favourites.

If we can get this little lot down, then we will achieve our mission

and the curry eating competition will be in the bag.

As the Marines say, "Train hard, fight easy."

I don't know, Danny, it looks like an awful lot.

Listen here, you horrible little man,

you don't want to play Ninja Warlord on a TV bigger than yourself?

HE SCREAMS

We're doomed.

So let me get this straight, Rico did not smash the salon mirror?

No, I totally lied. It was me.

See, the thing was, I thought I'd found my new bling friend,

but it turned out he was a bore

and Rico was a beast to him, but for all the right reasons.

So, could he have his job back, with a pay rise and free weaves, please?

Yeah, he can have his job back,

but his pay rise will be in Silky Bean vouchers

and the weaves will be discontinued stock. Perm pastel shades.

Hmm... He'll take it.

Yes! How fabulicious is this?

I've got Rico back, Rico's got his job back

and we've both got four hours to get ready for the bop.

-I don't think so.

-You can check the time if you don't...

I don't think you're going to the bop.

You've lied to Bev, you've lost Rico his job

and you've smashed the salon mirror.

You're grounded, Sadie Jenkins.

I must say, that sari's very becoming on you, Delia.

Enough with the flanneling...

-BOTH: Mr King.

-Excuse me?

-We know you own King Car Parks.

-In fact, you're THE King of Car Parks.

Well, that's a lie.

OK, maybe not a "lie" lie.

That's why you wanted to get us tied up in all that red tape.

You're flattening the play area behind this place

and you didn't want any opposition to it.

Fine, it's true. Sue me.

No, actually, don't.

What I still don't get is why you had to spend all that time

schmoozing Miss V when the deal was practically in the bag?

Because, babcock, he knows that I know

that this diner and surrounding area...

..are built on top of an ancient well.

PENNY SPLASHES

When this diner was originally built,

they were more relaxed about the planning laws.

But if someone were to remind the authorities of the existence

of this well, the King of Car Parks' car park would be kapoof.

-No!

-Hang on, why didn't you say any of this before?

I quite liked the idea of extra car park spaces at the back.

It meant more customers, which equals more moolah,

but not any more. Rat of love.

Vonda, you can't do this to me.

Yes, I was buttering you up in order to ensure my 300-space multi-storey

went ahead without a hitch, but what we had, it was so special.

I'm your little Jajay.

Well, j-jog on, J-Jajay.

I want to be wanted for something more than just an ancient well.

And if you add the relaxant on the hair first,

and then add the Silky Bean solution, the curls go crazy bigger.

You really think I can get away with curls?

Sure! Because you've already got a demi wave, see?

You know what a demi wave is, don't you?

And we don't want to, thank you. I don't want to.

I love you, Bev, you know that. And I...like you, Keith, I always have.

You know, but together, you're a nightmare.

I really wanted you to get on, I did, but this has just gone too far.

-Say what?

-I just can't cope with it any more.

Nobody's looking at me, nobody's talking to me.

I don't even have hair!

Look, it's great that you're sharing interests, yeah?

But please, just share it when I'm not here. Yeah?

Got you, boss, loud and clear.

-It's fine by me.

-OK, great, thanks.

-See you, then, Steve.

-Yeah, bye, boss.

Charming!

So, who wants to get hot, hot, hot?

APPLAUSE

Two strawberry squish-berry shaka-laka shakes.

OMGB, Sass, this has to be the busiest,

noisiest, most insane Y bop ever.

And the problem is? It sounds brill-tastic.

-Yes, if you've had a brain bypass. Now, where are you?

-Grounded.

Even though I'd just found the perfect BLF to go to the bop with.

-BTW, is Rico there yet?

-Who's Rico?

Oh, he's about yea high, cute hair, wearing a "J-Lo is my Gaga" T-shirt.

OMLG, got to go!

-What are you doing here?

-Busting you out, stupido.

-We have a Bop-a-mundo Bollywood to bop at.

-What if my dad checks?

I just left him fixing my father's motorcycle from Nerja.

He will be long time - it has no engine.

-Genius! I'm so sorry I got you fired, Rico.

-It's OK, chica.

But do it again and I will crush you like the cobaya cracks the nut.

-Oh, wait, I don't have a sari.

-It's in the bag, chica.

In my bag!

Gaga, he's good!

Let's get "curried" away! Come on!

BOLLYWOOD MUSIC

BOTH: Yes!

So, we have a winner. Well, two winners.

But how?

-So, where's the high-tech gadget package?

-With our 3D TV?

Well, I'm afraid that that prize went walkies

when my admirer Ajay did.

Instead, Tanisha's Tandoori Palace is giving the winners

a year's supply of...

curry!

THEY SCREAM

-I thought you were grounded.

-I was until my new BFF sprung me.

Deeds, I would like you to meet the brill-tastic, the amazamongous,

-the...

-I think she gets the picture. Rico Enriquez, pleased to meet you.

Delia Baxter.

How faboush is he? It's like Kit never left...ish.

Great! Does this mean I get to be the nerdy unstylish one

with the weird Space Cargo obsession again?

You like that show? Oh, my Captain Skylo, I adore Cargo Espacio!

-It's fantastico.

-He's in.

Come on, it's Rico time.

# Jai ho

# Jai ho

# Baila, baila

# Baila, baila

# Jai ho

# Baila, baila

# Jai ho. #

Nerja.

Ner-ja.

Ner-ha!

Nah-haa.

Nerja!

Noer-huh!

Spain.

Spain. See, that wasn't so hard!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd