Dederama Sadie J

I've got the best news since the discovery

of the Higgs boson particle! You'll never believe...!

MUSIC: "Laserlight" by Jessie J

Whoa!

Hi, Callum. Hi!

So, what's the good news?

What? Oh, that, yeah.

I won the Young Geneticist of the Year Award!

You know, for my work deciphering

the relationship between the complex peptide...?

Enrique Iglesias! Dede, that's brilliant!

You wanted to win this award your whole life. Take that, genetics.

-Whoo!

-Yeah, it's kind of good news, I guess.

Kind of?

OK, Dede, quit with the Callum sad face.

You cannot still be hung up on this guy. It's been...for ever.

Nine days, seven hours, three minutes and 45 seconds.

Not that I've been counting, and not that he cares.

-He doesn't even know I exist.

-Callum don't know anyone exist!

He's a lethal combination, good looking and vain.

-He's like self-eating chocolate.

-Point taken, just one little thing.

-I still want to date him!

-OK, OK!

Stop with the focus on the fit fella and start with the focus on the fun.

Your type of fun!

You are the winner of the Young Gymnast of the Ear Award.

-Young Geneticist of the YEAR Award.

-Even better!

That's true, and the award is being presented

by my all-time favourite geneticist, Dr Valdis Viazani.

Valdis Viazani?

Why are you talking about my VV?

Your VV?

We are very, very, very close relation.

She is my second cousin Vandra's sister's step-aunt

three times removed, and she's coming to stay here.

She's got to present some award or other,

but mainly, she is here for rodeo,

because we are going cowboy crazy at the Y Club,

with a line dance-off and a bucking bronco.

Ride 'em, cowgirls!

No way! Could I get an intro?

-That'd be beyond amazing!

-Of course.

Whenever I think of VV, I think of you, Delia.

You have so much in common.

You're like two little schnudel peas in one schnudel pod.

What? Me and a Nobel Prize-winner?

No way!

Way!

-I'm like that?

-Like two schnudel peas in a schnudel pod.

Just like you, Delia, her work is everything.

She doesn't socialise, she doesn't exercise, she never left home,

she never had a boyfriend.

-Never had a boyfriend?!

-Nope.

You can't save the world AND have a life, Delia.

No-o-o-o-o!

# Won't somebody tell me why

# I'm always surrounded by boys?

# Give me a break

# They've got attitude Kind of cute

# But when they're in trouble Takes a girl

# To save the day, to save the day

# I'd love another girl Around the place

# Could you be her?

# Someone to back me up so I always

# Have the last word

# I guess it's hard To be the only girl

# In a boys' world

# Girl, girl

# In a boys' world

# I know I'm strong because I've got a positive

# Mental attitude

# Understanding, kind and sensitive

# Don't want gratitude

# I just don't wanna be The only girl

# In a boys' world. #

'If you've just joined us, Delia Baxter is playing for a chance

'to win a relationship with Callum Caulfield.

'All she has to do is answer the next question correctly.

-'Delia, are you ready?'

-Yes.

'OK, the question is...'

That's easy, just one. It's February.

'Is that the right answer?

'That's the wrong answer.'

What? No, that was the right answer!

'All the months have 28 days, but some have two or three more!

'You'll have to say goodbye, Delia, but you don't leave with nothing.

'You win a lifetime of being as scientifically successful

'but as socially inept as Dr Valdis Viazani!'

DEDE PANTS

Not on my watch!

Rico, sorry I'm late, I was, erm...

-Buying me a present for our 10-month anniversary tomorrow?

-T-tomorrow?

I mean, of course it's tomorrow!

-Yeah, of course I was getting you a present!

-OK, well, erm, cool.

Well, I'm going to go catch some waves,

that's if I can find a new leash.

See you guys tomorrow.

-Don't tell me you forgot your anniversary?

-Me forget?

Of course I forgot.

And Taylor gives the best presents ever!

Last month, he mashed up a digital video megamix of all

of our best bits underscored by a dubstep track that he wrote himself.

But you forgot again and ended up making him

an origami duck out of loo paper! I remember!

I can't take it any more!

Taylor is the present king!

Actually, I'm the present king. The answer is staring you in the mouth.

-He said he wants a leash, no? Then get him a leash.

-You're right!

I'll get him a leash. What's a leash?

Are you imbecilios?

-It's rope for tie a bow-wow!

-Taylor doesn't have a dog!

But he did say he was going to go catch some waves.

-PHONE CHIMES

-There it is!

I knew it, a surfer's leash!

It's an actual thing, an actual real thing,

-I am so happy I could kiss someone!

-Don't even think about it.

OK, everyone, I've got an announcement to make.

-I texted Callum and asked him out on a date.

-What?

But last time you texted me, you were celebrating winning some award,

not the fact that you'd asked out Mr "I'm So Hot I Have Scorch Marks."

I can do both, can't I? And look at what he replied.

See that? Three kisses. Count them.

The Dedenator is striking back, and this time love is the victim.

And Callum, he's also the victim.

So there you have it. Whoop-whoop!

The good news train is approaching its destination.

Danny boy, amazing news!

Finally! One Direction have exploded!

Even better. Brandy May-Lou Buckingham's coming over. Get up!

-Brandy May-who?

-She's new, she's from Alabama.

She's amazing, and she's looking for one new dancer to join her

line at the Y Square Dance-Off tomorrow. So it could be one of us!

I've been practising my do-si-do all day.

I'm not entirely sure I know what do-si-do-ing is,

but even if I did know I still wouldn't be interested.

Gee, that sure is a shame.

You know, back in my home town of Georgiana, Alabama,

we have a little old saying that goes,

"If the Good Lord hadn't wanted us to line-dance and hoedown,

"he wouldn't have invented sequins, Stetsons and Taylor Swift."

But I guess that don't matter no more

since you don't want to dance with me anyway.

I didn't say I didn't want to dance with you. I'd love to dance with you!

I'll dance for you right now! Here's my chicken dance.

SILLY MUSIC PLAYS

HE SQUAWKS

That sure is a wonderful dance you got there, Danny,

but Jake here has already expressed an interest in dancing with me,

so I'm afraid you two cowboys are just going to have to

settle this yourselves.

BOTH: Bring it on!

Bev, guess what? Great news!

You've come to tell me whether this is a crankshaft or a sparkplug?

-No idea.

-Makes two of us.

-Why did I promise to mind this garage?

-Never mind that.

-I've just received an email telling me I've become an alumnus.

-A what?

Keith Woods, alumnus of the Heather Chandler Memorial School, Year 2010.

It's like hearing I've become a lord!

They want you to go back for a reunion?

Well, that's ridiculous, you only left ten minutes ago.

-You know what this means?

-You won't be able to stay late tomorrow

and help me with that Corsa.

It means, I finally get to go heads up with my arch rival Deano.

-Who the Dutch braid is Deano?

-He's like me squared.

Everything I did he went one better. I had two girlfriends, he had three.

I failed four MVQs, he failed 'em all.

Wow, sounds like a right catch(!)

Ever since that he's done nothing. Me?

The Keithmeister, well, I'm assistant manager at a garage

with special responsibilities to refreshments, ain't I?

Yes, my love, you make the tea(!)

Ooh, speaking of which...

Trust me, when I get there, I'm going to go straight up to him

and go, "Deano Marconi, let me tell you..."

Hang on, Deano Marconi? As in Deano Marconi of 13 Gleneagles Drive?

Yeah, how d'you know his address?

Because he came in earlier and dropped that off.

Apparently, it's a Triumph Adventurer

but I wouldn't know one of them if it popped up and gave me a pigtail.

That's Deano's Triumph?

-How did he afford that?

-Maybe he's not doing so badly after all.

No, that's not him. No.

What can I get you? A pot of ginseng for one?

-A Fair Trade flapjack with no added fun?

-No, thanks.

-I'm meeting Callum for a date.

-Really? Where is he, then?

He's, erm, 3.25 minutes late. But I'm OK with that.

Just because timekeeping is not his strong suit does not mean

we're not compatible.

As Captain Skylo would say, "No two stars look the same.

"Some are main sequence dwarves

"while others are hydrogen burning hyper-giants."

Or, in the original Cargonian,

Vluurg! Grarthm! Greeth, mah-jog!

Dr Viazani! Hi!

I didn't realise we are fellow Cargo nuts, Delia.

I wouldn't call myself a "Cargo nut."

I don't now the difference between the Tundramites of season six

and the Windrophiles of season eight, but

if you like Space Cargo then that's OK, because we are very different.

Anyway, I would love to stay and chat but I'm meeting someone.

I know. Me.

-What?

-Vanda give me your number. I text you.

"Meet me in the Y at 5pm." You text me back, "That would be lovely.

"Maybe then we could catch a movie."

I'm sorry, I have neither time

nor inclination to catch a movie, but I did want to speak to you.

You need to sign the Health & Safety release for your award.

It has very sharp edges.

OMJB!

Your number's one digit different to Callum's!

What are the chances of that, eh? I know!

400,075 to one!

Anyway, I'm sure I must have the form in here somewhere.

Dr Viazani, I'm really sorry but I've got to go.

Not enjoying your date then?

Oops, I forgot. Callum's already on a date.

With someone else. Ouch! Painful much.

Ashlii, please don't make this worse than it is.

I really thought I was coming here to meet Callum.

But instead I was meeting an elderly woman

who keeps potatoes in her handbag!

My love life is going nowhere. In fact, my life is going nowhere.

-So change it, dufus!

-As if that's even possible.

Oh, my Richard Dawkins! Ashlii, what have you done to me?

I've given you a daisy print dress

with the cutest canary coloured crop cardy,

with leopard print ballet pumps,

with a French sole and an Italian twist.

Quick. Callum's on his own, go talk to him!

He asked me for the bill.

I'm so insignificant, he thinks I'm a waitress!

I want my school uniform back.

Nuh-uh. He treats you like a waitress because you act like one.

Hang on, you ARE one. Nobody treats you like this.

So, I wait tables in The Y. But in my head, I'm on a catwalk in Milan.

And that's the image I project.

Most people won't even order from me. I'm THAT fierce.

When I'm ready, loser-tron!

Moving through... Moving through.

Isn't it a beauty? I used to use it in my act in Vegas.

Erm, with respect...

Respect?! What is she, the Pope? Show some attitude, girlfriend.

OK. Get a grip, Grandma! Who cares what you think,

I've got bigger and better things to worry about.

Dede Baxter - I have milkshake in my ear.

All I can hear is...banana.

That's funny, because all I can hear is a boring old bonka-tron.

Now, THAT'S fierce!

This is a traditional hand-woven dog leash from Mecca.

It take me hours to make. Trust me, they will love it.

I told you I was the present king.

He does not want a dog leash, he wants a surf leash!

The leash is a cord which connects surfer to surfboard.

And surfer to shark, if you are unlucky!

Man, I am wasted on these people!

PHONE RINGS

Hey, BF, what's up?

I'm going to be a little late for the anniversary date.

It's my new dog, Jay-Z, he's kind of taking me for a walk.

-You've got a new dog?

-Yeah. My mum got it for me, I told you.

He's only a Labradoodle, but he's so strong.

That's why I needed the new leash,

so I can tie him up while I hit the waves.

Still haven't found one strong enough, though.

You actually don't want a surf leash and you DO want a dog leash?

Yeah. Anyway, I've got to go, he's eating my foot.

Oh, Mel G. Rico IS the present king!

I need that dog leash!

WESTERN MOVIE MUSIC

Howdy, pardner.

Howdy.

Man, these chaps are tight.

Strikes me we got a little old disagreement on our hands.

We both want to dance with the same girl.

Ain't that the truth?

Where did you say your accent was from?

Don't change the subject, you yellow-bellied snake in the grass!

We're going to settle this once and for all.

That's right, boys. There's only one way to settle this.

You know what I'm talking about.

One...two...three.

Scissors!

Dang it! Best of three.

One...two...three.

Look - it's Katniss from The Hunger Games!

Paper.

No way!

Well, looks like we have a winner.

Daniel, welcome to my line of champs.

That's not fair. I saw her first.

Sorry, boy. I guess the best man won.

You know what, Beth -

I mean, what would Steve think if I left you in the lurch like that?

Oh, don't be a banana. What am I going to do, paint its nails?

It'll be waiting for you in the morning. Go on - enjoy your reunion.

Oh, yeah, about that. I was thinking about not going.

Oh, Keith, love, we all have people at school who do better than us.

Mine was Katherine. She was always the centre of attention.

Is there a point to all this?

My point is, she's Dino and you're me, right?

So, in the grand scheme of things

I've done just as well as her, if not better in some ways,

because what I don't know about '70s ringlet wave ain't worth knowing.

-And what's Katherine done?

-Films, mostly.

She goes by the stage name Kate Winslet.

THE Kate Winslet?

That's the one. Big boat?

Oh, wow. Thanks for putting things into perspective for me, Beth.

There is no way I'm going to that reunion now Deano's Kate Winslet.

-Why would you give me that leash?

-Because I no have it no more.

I give it to sad-faced child on street, with puppy called Gnasher.

She was delighted.

Even she appreciate it more than you do.

I said I'm sorry.

You say it with your mouth, but not with your heart.

I told you I was king of presents,

but you make me feel like king of idiots!

What am I going to get Taylor for our anniversary now?

I didn't even have time to make an origami duck.

Half past end of relationship o'clock!

Sadie, you breaking up with Taylor? That's just so sad.

Can I do anything to help? Shoulder to cry on, foot rub?

Maybe we can take in a movie?

Oh, Mel G, Killer Kreamy cream puff doughnuts?

They're Taylor's favourite. And they're only available in the US.

I had them flown in. It was an emotional emergency.

-Can I have them?

-Of course.

Thank you so much! You may have just saved my relationship.

Well... But that wasn't the plan.

PHONE RINGS

Yellow?

What? No, I cannot come to the dinner.

Either you come, or I call the cops and they come.

Dede's here. She's gone wild.

Sorry, don't be redonculous. There's more chance of Roger winning Crufts.

HE WHIMPERS

If you don't believe me, you come here yourself.

Yee-ha, come on!

Woo-hoo!

Yeee-ha!

Told ya! So now what are you going to do?

Woo-hoo!

Yee-ha!

Dede! Get off that mechanical donkey this instant!

Woo-hoo!

Ah, Dede, I have the release form for your award for you to sign.

Award-shmorm. I'm not signing anything.

The old Dede signed forms. The new one doesn't even own a pen.

Get with it, Losers McLosers!

But, Dedes, this is for your Young Geneticist of the Year award.

Get your bottom off that ride. If you don't sign it, you can win.

Fine. I knew you'd come to your senses.

There, that's what I think of your award!

And this is what I think of you!

Deeds...

OK, enough! I get it, Dede, you don't want the award.

Cos you're a cool girl now. But let me ask you a question -

where's Callum in all of this?

Oh, yeah - that's right, he's looking at himself

because that's all he cares about, Dede.

Don't look at me. I never promised you a rose garden.

It doesn't matter if you're nerdy or you are cool

or you are a complete and utter maniac

because Callum is just not that into you.

I don't see why I can't just sit in the corner and watch.

You won't even know I'm here.

Sorry, buddy. Brandy says rehearsals are private.

This is an outrage!

Sorry about him. He's just jealous.

So, let's see what you're made of, shall we?

-How's your cha-cha-slide lookin'?

-My cha-cha-slide? It's great!

Well, I sure hope you've got stamina.

Stamina's my middle name.

OK, I'm surprised at you, Danny boy.

I thought you wanted to win that line dancing crown as much as I do.

I do, I'm just quite attached to my legs, that's all.

Let me see that.

That's just a surface wound.

OK, but can't we just have a little break?

Of course we can!

When we are celebrating being crowned line dancing champions.

Now get on up and show me your hoedown throw-down!

HE WHIMPERS

Look, why don't you just go for an hour?

Bev, I've accepted it, all right? I'm a failure.

Hence, I'm not going to the reunion -

I'm working on the swanky bike of my old school rival,

the Kate Winslet of casting,

who's at the reunion now and is quite clearly a major success.

Well, I for one would not be moping around here like a wet quiff,

I can tell you that for nothing. PHONE RINGS

Hello, Mr Cuticles.

I mean, Curlzone Motors, I mean...

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Right. Angie Marconi.

Not THE Angie Marconi from St Hilda's High School on the Green?

It's Bev! Beverly Summers.

Yeah...

Right.

Yeah, no. Right, yeah.

All right, bye.

Who was that?

That was Deano's mum, Angie Marconi, my other school nemesis.

She sat next to Kate. She wants to know when her bike will be ready.

-Hang on, this bike's Deano's mum's?

-He dropped it off for her.

Apparently, he's in-between jobs at the moment.

Ha-ha! So I'm a failure and Deano's a failure.

Woo-hoo! Hi five.

How the banana did Angie Marconi afford a bike like that?

I don't know, Bev. I'll ask him at the reunion.

See ya.

Where were you today? Did you forget our anniversary?

Oh, what happened to you?

I finally found you the perfect present for our anniversary,

but then my so-called BFF goes and throws it at me

because she's trying to be cool and impress Callum.

Why is she wasting her time with a bonehead like him for?

-She's worth 50 of him.

-I'm sorry I've been

so rubbish with our anniversaries.

I'm not the most perfectumundo girlfriend in the world.

I can't even pretend to be. Just deal with it, OK?

-Well, that's a relief.

-Say what?

I didn't know what to get you either.

The only thing I could think of was making you another video.

I've been carrying this video camera around all week

-trying to get some inspiration.

-Really?

So maybe let's just say enough of the presents for a while, OK?

And this thing is so heavy.

To be honest, I'm just looking forward to leaving it at home.

Hang on a second. This might just bring Dede back from the brink.

Welcome to Rodeo Drive.

Ladies and gentlemen, cowboys and cowgirls,

despite certain setbacks...

..the Rodeo Drive is still on!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Contestants for the line dance-off, it's time to hit the floor.

I will be calling the dancers naturally, so pay attention.

Bow to the corner, bow to your own.

MUSIC: "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex

I hope you and Brandy May-Lou have had a good time.

Oh, the best.

Danny, what happened?

What happened? I'll tell you what happened.

Your little friend here is too lily-livered

to line dance like a man. That's what.

-Ow!

-Now get on up and show me what you're made of!

We've got a title to win, or have you forgotten?

Give me a minute.

Hold on one cotton-picking minute there, sister.

No-one speaks to the Danster like that, not even me,

so if he's not good enough to dance with someone like you

then I sure as heck know someone who's happy to dance with him.

Ladies and gents,

I give you the Y Diner line dance-off champions 2013.

I object. That's cheating. You can't have two cowboys dancing together.

It don't make no sense.

It's 2013, Brandy May-Lou. Get with the programme.

I can dance with whoever I want.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Urgh!

-Hello? Is this thing on?

Dede, this is a message from all your friends.

We notice you haven't been yourself lately.

You tried to change yourself because of a boy

and it seems like you've forgotten who you are,

so we made a mash-up of all your best bits.

You know, just to remind you.

MUSIC: "Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus

# And if you tell my heart My achy, breaky heart

# He might blow up and kill this man. #

'Deeds, if Callum can't see how amazing you are,

'he clearly does not deserve you.'

But you do deserve that award.

Dr Viazani, can you ever forgive me?

That's OK, dear. I ran wild at your age, too.

I once punched a Brownie.

Another time I ran off to Mexico with my boyfriend.

But Miss V said you never had a boyfriend.

She forgot about Consuelo.

And Julian. And Richard. And, come to think of it,

I wonder what happened to Richard's friend, Rupert.

Miss V...?

I owe you an apology, too. I don't know what came over me.

I know what came over me. Milkshake.

OK, I forgive you.

Well, I will when I've done this.

OMLG. Sorry!

Ish.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd