Dinnerlicious Sadie J

-Look at the time!

-As soon as I check out my new hairdo!

This baby cost me a ton of moolah. But it was totally worth it.

It looks great from this angle... from this angle...from this angle!

It's Taylor Time!

Taylor always texts me at 3.47.

It's our smiley face text.

But now it's 3.51 and no smiley face!

I know it sounds lame but just wait till you're in love.

Plus, he's only texted me eight times today.

He usually texts me 27 times.

And that's a difference of...

Well it's less, isn't it?

Plus I never see him any more

because he's always at these stupid guitar lessons now!

Would these be the stupid guitar lessons that you made him go to?

Guitar players are cool!

Maybe I've made him so cool that he's too cool for ME now.

Maybe he's hung up on some really, really, cool girl instead,

who's like super, super, super cool!

Cool down! Why don't you just go and ask him?

OMLG! He's on the phone!

And not to me!

See, I really like Sadie and I don't want to hurt her feelings but...

my heart's just not in it. I can't carry on...

I'm just going to have to tell her.

OMLG I have made him too cool for me!

What can I get you?

Vhy are we hiding?

I'm dealing with a crisis here - Taylor's going to dump me!

Oh, look, I have spelt "baked potato" with two Os.

"Baked pootato".

No wonder nobody orders them.

Miss V! I need your help. You're ancient...

-I mean, more experienced.

-Hmm...

Boyfriend trouble, eh?

Vell, you know that the vay to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Yeah, in 1957 maybe.

No, no, it's not old-fashioned, it's "retro".

Well at least that's what my new book says.

How to Woo a Man

in 597 Easy Steps - guaranteed!

Step 63 - cook him a romantic meal.

-Cook who a romantic meal?

-Ah... You!

Yes, you're always cooking for me -

so I thought it's my turn to cook a romantic meal for you!

Which is totally retro, and not at all old-fashioned!

Uh, OK. Well, I can't eat prawns...

-There'll be candles and music...

-..or kidney beans...

-..superdelish courses...

-..or lamb...

-I'm doing it tonight!

-..bananas.

-Are you sure you don't want me to cook?

-No! I'm cooking!

-It'll be totally taste-a-mondo!

-Uh, OK, well, seven at yours?

-Sounds great, see you there.

-OK.

Perfectamondo. Relationship is saved, crisis over.

OMLG, I can't cook.

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

# Won't somebody tell me why

# I'm always surrounded by boys?

# Give me a break

# They've got attitude, Kind of cute

# But when they're in trouble Tricks are good

# To save the day, to save the day

# I'd love another girl Around the place

# Could you be her?

# Someone to back me up so I always

# Have the last word

# I guess it's hard To be the only girl

# In a boys' world

# Girl, girl

# In a boys' world

# I know I'm strong because I've got a positive

# Mental attitude

# Understanding, kind and sensitive

# Don't want gratitude

# I just don't wanna be The only girl

# In a boys' world. #

Sass! Sass alert.

Have you seen her?

Never mind her, have you seen my hair?

It's like a "wow" on my head, no?

It's just parted differently.

Wrong answer!

I need to see Sadie, I need to tell her my big news -

I'm on Buy Buy Buy!

You're going already?

No, "Buy Buy Buy" as in "shop, shop, shop" - the shopping channel.

I entered their Fabulously Futuristic gadget competition

and my "Filet" - a fluorescent, stain resistant gilet -

-has been shortlisted.

-Shortlisted!

Bueno! Shortlisted... What is shortlisted?

It means that everyone on the shortlist has an hour

to sell their product

LIVE on TV tonight.

Whoever gets the most sales wins

and their product gets launched nationwide.

It's going to be HUGE!

If I play my cards right, it could fund my entire education at NASA!

-Coolio!

-Exactamondo. Now please, think, have you seen Sadie?

She promised she'd be my model on TV tonight.

Why you not ask me to model? Back in Nerja I do much modelling.

I model jackets, I model trousers, I can even combine the two.

I am very versatile. And with my new hair, I am even better!

Sorry, Rico, I've already asked Sadie.

And, besides, every time you help me, things go wrong.

Remember that young eco-farmers convention?

How was I to know the muck spreader was on?

And the time you tried to help me with

my revolutionary new chocolate fountain prototype?

That was two times, chica. I'm sorry, OK? I just wanted to be a good amigo.

But this time, with my fantastico hair and amazing modelling skills,

I can finally make it up you.

Check out my signature model poses. Del Toro!

OK, three times.

Oh, yes, operation Don't Get Dumped is in the bag.

Sadie! Sadie! Sadie!

And now operation Don't Get Dumped is on my face.

-And on the floor.

-Sorry, Sass, but this is an emergency!

I've been shortlisted for the Buy Buy Buy competition.

Come on, we need to go to the studio now.

Um, I don't think so, I'm a little busy tonight, Deeds,

because I have to cook Taylor a romantic meal, which, BTW,

you've ruined, because he wants to dump me.

My heart is just not in it!

So, you're going to cook for him?!

It's like the women's vote never happened!

I didn't mean to do it. It just sort of came about. I panicked!

I panicked. What am I going to do?

-You?! What am

-I

-going to do?

Without a model I'm not going to sell any filets -

that money was going to fund my education at NASA. Please, Sass,

-I really need a model.

-Look Deeds, how do I put this? NO!

You think you're a model? Yay! You've got the gig!

What if I don't WANT the gig?

I'm in! I'm in!

Makeover emergency!!

-You don't look that bad.

-Not me! This place!

-Says who?

-Says Leona from year ten!

-Leona from year ten?!

# Winner takes over, yea-ea-eah... #

Jake, we've been through this - Leona's three years older than you.

Which in girl years is ten years older than you,

plus I saw her first!

# Winner takes over, yea-ea-eah... #

Yeah, but you didn't invite her round to the tree house today.

And she didn't say, "Yes," to YOU!

-Leona is coming here?!

-Yuh-huh.

HE READS TEXT MESSAGE

Our what?!

Well, she's a big interior design buff,

in fact that's the only reason why she is coming.

-But we don't have a "Rad Bad Teen Pad"!

-Exactly!

-That's why this place needs a makeover!

-Argh!

-Argh!

RAP MUSIC PLAYS

INDISTINCT HAYLEY ON PHONE

Don't worry, Hayley, babe, I'm almost on my way.

I've been looking forward to tonight all week.

Just got one or two little jobs to finish.

-'Don't be late.'

-Course I won't be late.

Yeah, I know I said that last time, and the time before.

Yeah and that time, too. Only this time, it's true.

-'See you later.'

-OK, yeah.

All right. Love you. Bye!

Oh, wait a minute, I've finished! Yes!

FANFARE

Not too shabby, Keith! Date time!

HORN BLARES Sorry, we're closed!

Come back tomorrow.

You can't be closed, it's a mechanical emergency!

Sorry, there's no way I can do another job,

no matter what it is or who it's for.

Heh-heh-heh! Hey.

Unless, of course, it's for my boss's brother-in-law

who's come all the way from California especially.

-All right, Earl?

-You didn't have to get all dressed up for me...

Hi, babe, I might be a teeny bit late.

Check me and my bad self out, I actually cooked this.

In your face, Delia.

Mm, surprisingly not grimalicious at all.

Oh... Um...

Might need some salt... a bit of ketchup and, um...

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Perfect timing!

Ciao! Bella! Bella!

All right, love? Learning French, are you?

Not "Bella! Bella!" It's my Auntie Shirl!

-What are you doing here?

-Didn't your dad tell you?

I'm babysitting you lot

-whilst Earl goes to his UFO meeting in Slough.

-Babysitting?!

-UFO meeting?!

-It's a long story, love.

He's next door in the garage now with Keith -

his trike's playing up, so he'd best get it fixed 'fore he heads off.

-Let me get this straight, you're staying here all evening?

-Of course.

Oh, brilltastic...

And by "brilltastic", I mean "disasteramondo"!

'Stand by studio. On air in two minutes.'

This time I know I will truly help you, Delia,

and no-one'll get covered in horrible brown stuff.

Then you say, "Hey Rico, what a great guy."

Rico, could you just...

In fact with my magnificent modelling skills and this hair,

we will sell more fillitups than you can shake a fillitup at!

Just put the filet on already and start modelling, OK?

We'll never sell any if you're not even wearing it!

OK, OK, whatever you say.

Maybe we should think a bit outside the box.

Wearing the fillitup is a bit obvious, no? Oooh. Idea bulb flash!

Why not add chi-chi belt and brooch?

Make it real high fashion.

It's not high fashion. It's a practical utility garment!

Just put it on, you...pea brain!

I knew I should never have let you model!

This is going to be a disaster! Goodbye, nationwide launch.

Goodbye, NASA education. I haven't got a hope!

# I need a hero

# I'm holding out for a hero till the end of the night

# He's got to be strong and he's got to be fast

# And he's got to be fresh from the fight... #

Sorry, can't talk, I've got a show to do.

-Captain Skylo!

-I think you mean Tom Roberts -

actor formerly known as Captain Skylo,

also seen as quizzical dad in bread advert.

But now, manly but approachable presenter on Buy Buy Buy,

-Bargain hour!

-It's Dede, Delia Baxter, your superfan.

-We met last year.

-Really? How lovely for you.

Nina, darling, could I get some blush? I'm positively peaky.

OMLG! Tom Roberts is the presenter?! Fantastalistic!

Perhaps tonight won't be such a disaster after all!

How do you like my filet snood?

OK, I've figured it out.

No need to panic.

I just need to get my cringetastic Auntie Shirl out of the way,

then Taylor and I can enjoy our romantic meal in peace.

Then of course he'll realise I'm far too fabulicious to dump

and we'll be happy together for ever, amen.

Mm-hm! This tastes great! You didn't have to cook for us, Sass.

You have got to be kidding me! What are you still doing here?

You're supposed to be at your alien meeting!

Don't say the "A" word, babe.

Earl seems to think he had a close encounter

with an extraterrestrial a few years back.

That's why he's off to the "UFO abductee support group"

I hope it'll help him face his fears.

And stop screaming and running round the house of a night shouting,

"Not the tentacles! Not the tentacles!"

OK. Not weird much.

I can't leave till Keith fixes my bike, though. That was slamming!

-Can I get some more?

-No. Cos you've completely eaten all of it!

Why don't you go check on the trike, Earl?

The support group's meeting for nibbles at seven,

you don't want to be late, love.

I'm pretty tired, Shirl, honey. Maybe I'll head off in the morning.

No! No! No!

You should definitely go now! Come on! Face those fears!

-Preferably in the next five minutes!

-What about more pasta?

Yes.

-One down! Yes!

-DOORBELL RINGS

No!

Are you going to answer that, or what?

Or what, what?

Oh, that? No. No, it's broken. It just rings randomly. Like that.

-Been doing it all night. I wouldn't worry.

-Let me have a look at it.

-No!

-No! No! Because you have to go into the kitchen!

-Why?

To see the...mop...and tea towels! They are new. You'll love them!

-Hi, Sadie.

-Let's whisper! It's...romantic.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-OK. So what's cooking?

That's a good question! You just wait there.

I will be right...back.

-Shirl? Shirl? Shirl? Shirl? Shirl?

-DOORBELL RINGS

Shirl?

DOORBELL CONTINUES RINGING

There's nothing wrong with this doorbell.

Oh, hello, love, who are you?

Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!

This is never going to work!

We need to find out the look Leona likes

then change the place accordingly.

How? It's not like Leona is going to put all her "likes" and "dislikes"

up on the net for everyone to see.

Leona likes...

-any soft furnishings by Dolce and Gabanna.

-Too expensive.

-Chandeliers.

-We'll never get one of those up that ladder.

-And anything in Day-Glo.

-Perfect!

Dad's got loads of Day-Glo paint in the garage!

"Rad Bad Teen Pad" here we come!

-Ta da!

-You fixed it?

-Yep.

-Hence the "ta da".

-Wow. That was quick.

I couldn't really find anything wrong with it.

All right, babe? Panic over.

I'm all done. You're at the restaurant already?

-Just order me some starters, I'll be right there!

-Uh, Keith?

-What have you done?!

-I just looked at it and it did that.

Look, babe, I'll definitely be there for the main course. I promise.

I never thought I'd see the day.

Little tomboy Sadie stepping out with a young man.

Yes, all right, I've got a boyfriend, Aunty Shirl.

Probably not for much longer.

She was always covered in snot as a child. Very mucousy, weren't you?

I was not! Auntie Shirl, Taylor doesn't want to hear about this.

I really don't mind.

-Well, in that case, let me get the photo albums out.

-No!

-Sadie?

-Yes?

-There's something I must tell you.

-No.

At least wait till after dinner before you tell me.

No, I really have to tell you now.

-Agh! Dumping in T minus five...four...three...

-Here we are!

-..two...one.

-See!

There she is. Look, cut her own hair in that one too.

-I've never seen a fringe like that have you?

-OK, enough!

Auntie Shirl, I need to talk to you about something else in the kitchen.

I hope it's better than the mop and the tea towels.

Never mind the mop and tea towels! Can't you see I'm trying to cook

Taylor a romantic meal so he won't dump me.

My heart's just not in it...

But now Earl's eaten the romantic meal

and you've been banging on about what an ugly kid I was.

So he's definitely going to dump me!

You think Taylor's going to dump you

so you're cooking him a romantic meal?

Does the word "feminism" mean nothing to you?

You don't have to do all this!

-Oh, don't you start. What am I going to do?

-Aw, cutch up.

-Don't worry. We'll just cook him something else.

-Out of what?

-I've used everything in the cupboards.

-Chillax, babes.

I can make a meal out of anything.

How do you think Earl and me survive on the road?

-My roadkill stew is legendary. Pass me that bowl.

-Result!

And once the bike's fixed, Earl will be gone

and I promise to stay in here for the rest of the evening.

-Pinky promise.

-Double result! Ow, man, you've got muscular pinkies.

-All ready?

-As we'll ever be. I'm so glad you're here, Captain.

-Don't do the Space Cargo salute, sweetie. I've moved on.

-Oh, sorry.

So, selling wise, I thought what we could do...

-There is no "we" in presenting, Dalia.

-It's Delia. Dede Baxter.

Look, Baxter, just follow my lead, don't interrupt me

and it had better sell in the 30 minute time slot or you're toast!

And we're on in three, two, one.

Hello and welcome back to Buy Buy Buy.

Our next item is part our Fabulously Futuristic gadget competition.

-The Fillit.

-Filet!

-Del Toro!

-OK... Tell me all about it, BeBe.

-Dede.

-Well I first got the idea for the filet...

-Amazing!

But I haven't finished.

So as you can see it's a wonderfully versatile fashion item...

No, it's not! It's a practical utility...

So easy to accessorise -

wear it with a hat, a watch or a jaunty scarf.

You're missing the point, it's stain resistant!

Watch how this week old bucket of gravy simply slides off.

Are you crazy! This cut cost me mucho moolah. Gravy is a no go!

OK, let's check our sales screen!

Ah. No sales as yet.

Not to worry,

-I'm sure it's just a matter of time, Kiki.

-Argh!

Voila! Cooked by my own fair hands!

Hmm, delicious.

Through his stomach right to his heart. Yes!

Look, Sadie, what I wanted to tell you before was...

That you had no idea what an amazing and totes cool girlfriend you have?

Who can also cook?

Which is not anti-feminist. Keep eating, keep eating!

No, it wasn't that. I was....

Thadie, whath's in thith dinnuh?

What's wrong with your voice?

And your hands?

And your face?!

Arrrgghhh!

-What's going on?

-Shirl, remind me again what I put in this?

Whelks, aubergines, cheese string and bananas.

-It's my "Whelkyaubercheeseynana" special.

-Buh nuh nuh muh muh!

I don't understand! Write it down!

Do charades.

Is it a film?

You're allergic to bananas.

You have been since you were 12 and a half!

They bring you out in hives and you swell up like a Lilo.

-What?! I'm good at this game.

-OMLG, Shirl,

-I can't believe you cooked him bananas!

-Buh?

-I mean...

OMLG, me, I can't believe I cooked us bananas! Doofus!

Yo, Hayley, I'm done now. You're done too?

Oh, just get me some ice cream then. You've already paid the bill?

One of the waiters is taking you dancing?

Could you at least get me a doggy bag? Hello? Hay...

-I think I just lost Hayley.

-Oh, that stinks.

-Still, on the plus side, your trike's fixed...

-Great work.

..again.

Hey, what's that behind you?

-Is that a cat or a rat?

-What?

-Where? Over there!

It's a cat-rat hybrid!

No arguing with a little cat-rat...

-What are you doing?

-Oh... Oh, well, I'm just checking this out.

I knew it! You've been sabotaging this trike all night!

-Why, Earl? Why?

-It's a fair cop. I just can't go to that UFO meeting.

I'm just too scared.

You see, I had a real, real, close encounter with an extraterrestrial.

-And it's scarred me for life.

-Extraterrestrial? You mean...

-Don't say the bad word!

-Listen.

-Everyone knows extraterrestrials don't exist.

-You don't know nothing!

It was 20 years back.

I was riding alone through Death Valley, California.

Picture it.

When I came to, I was upside down in a gulch, my bike was gone

and I was covered in slime.

And all I could remember was the tentacles.

The tentacles... The tentacles!

Oh, you see, that's why I can't go, Keith! You can't make me!

-Please, don't make me!

-Don't worry, I'm not.

In fact, I'm going to go

and tell Shirl right now there's no way you can go!

Oh...

OK, we're getting viewer feedback now

"This fillit is a fashion fiasco!" Thanks Hilary from Birkenhead!

Let's check on those sales again!

Somebody buy one! Please!

I want to go to NASA.

It's OK, Dede! I'm going to turn my modelling up to 11!

-With full hair!

-Oh, come on, people, it's a lovely colour...

No, it's not! It's high visibility! You're not selling it right!

It's stain resistant! That's the USP!

Do not tell me what to do on my own show! Don't you get it, Deana?

I have to make sure every item sells every night, or I lose my job.

My Buy Buy Buy boss makes Lord Sugar look like Holly Willoughby!

I need this! I can't go back to the scent counter at Super Scents.

-I won't go back! I won't!

-'Still on air, Tom! Tom!'

-Fine, I give up.

I tried my best hardest but neither of you are willing to help me!

Even though I spent the best part of my youth

worshipping you on Space Cargo!

And I gave you your first ever UK modelling gig, but your stupid

hair is too important to actually model my filet properly!

So, I say we cover the tree house in Day-Glo paint.

Leona sees the Day-Glo paint, falls in love with me and...

-Hello, I saw her first, remember. I had dibs.

-Yeah, but who did she text?

Not you! Plus we've been texting each other for ages.

How did you get her phone number?

-I bet you bribed her little sister with sweets.

-How dare you!

I would never do that. It was crisps.

-Anyway, all's fair in love and war.

-Exactly.

-And Leona will be my girlfriend!

-Mine!

-Mine!

-Mine.

-Mine!

-Mine.

-Mine!

-Mine!

-Hi, boys!

'Only two minutes left, Tom.

'Find a way to shift these things.'

Custard! Egg!

-Is there nothing this stain resistant filet won't resist?!

-Yes.

-It simply washes off!

-It's Delilah's fabulous fluorescent filet.

You see it simply washes off.

Clean dry and stain free in a flash

Hurrah! It's selling!

Hotter than a hot cake on hot cake Tuesday.

OMLG, you guys, you're amazing!

What else have I got? Gravy!

They get the picture.

Jam!

Next up after the commercials

on our competition shortlist -

it's not a knife, it's not a spoon, it's a sknoon!

See you in two ticks!

-And we're off air.

-Finally,

-I can get out of this thing.

-Looks like someone's going to NASA.

There. That should help with the itching.

At least your tongue's almost back to normal.

Therth's thomething I've been trying to tell you all evening.

-I know. You're going to dump me. Let's get it over with.

-Huh?

No, I'm not. I was worried, you were going to dump me.

What? But why?

I only texthed you eight thimesth today, I thought you'd be mad.

Me? Mad? I didn't even notice.

Look, it's great you got me theseth guitar lessonth,

but they're taking up tho much of my time that I'm hardly theeing you.

So, I've told my guitar teacher, Mrs Hendrixth, that I'm giving them up.

-That's what you wanted to tell me?

-Yeth.

-I didn't need to cook you a romantic meal?

-No.

I thought it wasth weird.

-You know, upholding the thexitht thtereotpyeth.

-I didn't mean to!

It just sort of... It doesn't matter.

I've still got a boyfriend!

I've still got a boyfriend! I've still got...

-I'm doing this out loud, aren't I?

-Yes.

-Oops.

-Shirl!

If you love your husband, don't make him go to that UFO meeting.

You can't make him relive that alien nightmare!

He's right, babe, I don't want to go. Please don't make me!

But, Earl, love, you need to deal with this!

I can't keep waking every night with you screaming.

Everyone knows aliens don't really exist.

YELLING AND SCREAMING

YELLING AND SCREAMING

What's going on?

Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Arrrrhhhhhgggghhhh!

You know what, guys? This alien stuff's not so bad.

I was crazy to be so frightened of it.

Yeah. It's not frightening at all.

No, not at all.

GROWLING ON TV

Hey, grab me something to drink, will ya?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd