Episode 10 School of Silence

CLANG!

Shh!

Shh!

Do you like to have a laugh

and a chat with your friends?

No, naughty, not allowed. If you do that you get sent here,

the School of Silence.

That is where the noisiest children get sent

for some intensive silent training. Get in there!

Today, four new pupils will be arriving.

They have to prove they have what it takes to stay completely silent.

Will they pass or will they fail?

Let's go and find out.

The new pupils are being assessed by the headmistress, Miss Gobstop

and the form tutor.

Is this glass thick enough, Mr Gross?

Yes, it's nine-inch thick safety glass, capable of

stopping a charging rhino without sustaining so much as a scratch.

This lot are from Brighton and have been sent to the school because

their neighbours can't handle living next to their noise any more.

Right, you. Name?

-Tsvey!

-Yes, Tsvey.

She likes annoying teachers at school by tapping her feet in class.

-You. Name?

-Kelsey!

Kelsey's a bit of a chatterbox and often gets into trouble for it.

Let's hope she doesn't get caught talking during her silent training.

-You. Name?

-Donni.

Donni winds up her family by playing her music loudly,

and when practising the keyboard, cranks up the volume full blast.

-You at the end! What's your name?

-Megan!

Whoa! Megan also uses those lungs for singing.

She likes to warble at full volume to music videos.

What a handful!

Hopefully the School Of Silence will teach them a thing or two

about being quiet.

Right, get out. That's it. Yes, get out, all of you.

Shh! Here's how the day works.

The new pupils have three challenging classes to learn how to be silent,

followed by the crucial final exam which will determine if they graduate

or will be expelled. If they are too noisy...

I will know about it, thanks to this device, the Gobstop 2000,

the latest in noise-monitoring technology.

If they pass, they will graduate,

and receive the ultimate reward, the Golden Gobstopper.

If they fail to keep that shut,

then I will have no choice. but to expel them.

Before we begin, I must ensure the school has been hushed down.

HOOOOOT!

Seven seconds to hushdown.

Seven, six, five, four,

three, two, one.

Shh!

ACHOO!

The first class is with Mr Gross, one of the school's five teachers,

but definitely not the best dressed.

-KNOCKING

-Come in!

Oh, good grief.

Sit down, quickly. Quiet.

BELL RINGS

-What's your name, young lady?

-Donni.

-Donni!

-What was all that about?

-I just closed the door.

You just closed the door, or did you slam it shut?

I am Mr Gross, your teacher for general studies.

We will be conducting a series of tests which must be conducted

in...absolute...silence.

Now, remember, Miss Gobstop will be

listening at all times on these microphones.

To determine which child does each test, we will be picking gobstoppers

from a jar, which are the same colours as all of your ties.

If you make too much noise, you will set off the Gobstop 2000,

as you will see on the sign.

Let the silent training begin.

Stinky sock.

Very nice!

The chosen team-mate will have to breathe in a pair of stinky socks

for 30 seconds in absolute silence and the rest of you have to be quiet

at the same time. Right, let's see who it's going to be.

Tsvey, is that right?

-Yes.

-Sit up straight, girl, please.

Pop your hand in there

and let's pull out a gobstopper and see who's getting the stinky socks.

What a shame - it's you.

You picked yourself. Unlucky!

Let me fetch the socks.

We put them in this breathing apparatus for you,

so you can get a proper whiff.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

You have to hold this on your face and hold it there for 30 seconds.

Poor Tsvey. Those socks are from Mr Gross's gym bag.

I caught a whiff of them earlier. They stink.

Your 30 seconds starts now.

The smell of sweat from those socks has to be kicking in straight away.

But look at this! Self-control from all team members,

not a sound from anybody. Amazing!

You see, Donni won't look him in the eye. That's a cunning tactic.

And Megan's doing the same.

-BELL RINGS

-Stop!

Very good. Very good indeed. How do you feel?

Are you going to be sick? Good! I think you lot are going

to do very well in this school.

It looks like they have impressed Mr Gross.

But can they maintain their cool as training continues?

Cat. Sick. Gloves.

One of you will have to wear two gloves filled with lovely cat sick.

Let's find out who's doing the task.

Donni, would you like to pick out a gobstopper?

Oh...

it's you.

Have a little whiff of that, Megan.

There's nothing worse than cat sick.

In the cat sick glove.

Oh, yes, lovely!

Stop, that's enough. Put this on her.

That's it. Hold on tight.

-That's not really cat sick, but it's still pretty gross.

-There we go.

Get your fingers right in. It's only a bit of cat sick.

Make sure you get the lumps in, they're the best bits.

Pour it all in. Hold on a second.

There we go.

Get it all in there.

-Put your hand in there, dear.

-Ewww!

Yes, you sounded like a cat then. Right!

Your 30 seconds starts now.

SHE GIGGLES

Oh, a bit of giggling there.

Oh, too much clapping has set the Gobstop 2000 off.

Nearly there.

-BELL RINGS

-Time up!

What a mess you've made of my lovely classroom with all this cat sick.

Look! You've made a mess everywhere. Sit down, dear.

In your desk, quickly. No buts. You have cat stick on your

hands, that's because you had them in gloves full of cat sick, dear.

But nothing. In your desk.

Well, you were very, very quiet, weren't you?

You did incredibly well.

Until we got out the cat sick.

It always gets them. If you are insolent children, we will find out.

Your final exam is a lot more difficult than this.

Right, that's it!

I've really had enough of you. Get out of my classroom, at once.

Glad to say goodbye.

Insolent child!

I was covered. He did that on purpose, I bet.

What a delightful bunch.

I like what I've heard so far.

Nothing! Let's hope it continues that way.

OK, girls, you've had your first lesson with Mr Gross.

The worst was definitely the cat sick.

The cat sick. I think you made the most noise in that one. How was it?

Was it hard to stay quiet with that on your hands?

-Because you can feel the bits.

-Like carrots?

-Yeah.

-That's not nice, is it?

What do you think to Mr Gross, d'you think he's pretty cool?

-No.

-He's here to teach you to be silent. It's all part of

your silent training which I have to say I think you've done well with.

I smell a game plan. Am I right?

-Yes.

-Are you going to tell me about it?

-No.

-We'll have to watch and see what happens?

-Yes.

OK, you know about your next tests? You know where they will take place?

-Yes.

-In the canteen with Nora and Britney.

Good luck. It's off to the canteen for you four.

Attention! Attention! This is the School of Silence.

Pupils caught breathing loudly in gym class will be given extra gym class.

So, having washed the cat sick off their hands,

the girls head to the canteen for Class Two in their silent training.

Britney. Britney, dear. Oh, don't tell me it's lunch time already.

Well, it must be.

Welcome to my kitchen.

My name is Nora, Nora Nugget, Mrs.

And this is my lovely assistant, the beautiful Britney. Britney Biscuit.

Isn't she a cracker?

Just my little joke there, dears. Now, can you see

the sign on the back? Mr Gross has one in his classroom.

-I am sure you have seen it before, haven't you?

-Yes.

If that flashes red, that means you're making too much noise.

Time for more silent training.

Sprout...trifle.

Sounds yummy, doesn't it? Do you like Brussels sprouts, Megan?

-No.

-I love them.

I love Brussels sprouts. I put them in all my desserts.

The object of this test is to remove the Brussels sprout from the trifle

and present it to your chosen team-mate, who then has to eat it.

So let's find out who will be eating the Brussels sprout.

Can we have the coloured gobstoppers there, please?

Now, I think...

Donni. Would you like to choose the gobstopper?

Oh, it's the blue one.

Marvellous! Kelsey, that's you.

Do you like Brussels sprouts, dear?

-They're OK.

-Jolly good.

OK, Donni, you know what you're doing, don't you, dear?

Yeah. Reach in here, see if you can find the Brussels sprout

and feed it to your good friend Kelsey there.

You have 30 seconds of absolute silence from now on, please ladies.

Starting from now.

Ah, gross!

Good so far.

That's pretty quiet.

Not a sound.

Five seconds to go.

-BELL RINGS

-There's time!

Well done!

Well done, you polished that all off, didn't you?

Well! Jolly good. And in complete silence, both of you. Well, I'm very

pleased with you young ladies.

I think you may well be graduating at the end of the day.

Nora's taken a shine to the girls. What has she got in store

for them now?

Splatapult mushy peas.

Now this involves our very special Splatapult.

You will have 30 seconds to splat as much mushy peas into

your chosen team-mate's face as you can in the allotted time. All right?

But, who is it going to be?

I'd like you to choose

the coloured gob-stopper this time, because you've been

ever so good there in the corner.

Oh, marvellous, Megan.

That's fabulous!

If you would like to come round into the kitchen, Tsvey.

Britney, the Splatapult, please, dear.

Come and stand by me there.

That's it, lovely.

Do you just want to pop those on for me, dear?

Fancy a new hair-do?

-No.

-You have 30 seconds.

I want as many of these as you can get into Megan's face. All right?

And your 30 seconds starts now.

Amazing levels of quietness and control here.

Are these the same girls whose neighbours complained

about them being too loud?

Oh, tiny giggle there.

But she's doing really well under fire from mushy peas.

Superbly quiet.

Just two seconds left.

And there's time. Well done, ladies!

Well done! You didn't make a peep there, did you, Megan?

I am so pleased with you, I really am!

OK, Tsvey, mind how you go there, dear.

Come back and take your seat.

Well, ladies, I'm terribly impressed with you. I would like to see

you ladies graduate with flying colours at the end of the day.

I think you've been a marvellous team and thank you all very much.

OK? Right! I think it's about time for you to go.

Thank you ever so much, ladies. Best of luck with the rest of the day.

All right? Cheerio.

Have these children been sent to the right school?

They are as quiet as mice.

Who wants a hug?

Marvellous!

OK girls, two more tests out the way. How are you feeling?

-Cold. Wet.

-Why are you cold and wet, Megan? Because I got

peas thrown at me.

Did you enjoy throwing mushy peas at your mate Megan?

A little bit. Well, it's all designed to test how

good you are at staying silent. How well do you think you did?

-Good?

-Yeah.

I have to say you've got to be

one of the strongest teams I've met yet.

You just seem to know what you're doing. Have you sat down together

and said "This is what we do and we are sticking to a plan"?

Not exactly.

We haven't sat down and discussed it, but we know what to do.

Do you think you will go away with the Golden Gobstopper?

Yes. You've got one lesson left.

It's with Miss Bunsen. Have you heard about Miss Bunsen? No.

She's slightly mad but she has lovely hair.

Good luck. Go and meet Miss Bunsen and let's see how silent you stay.

Attention! Attention! This is the school of silence.

All pupils are reminded that when leaving school,

they must wait until they're at least three miles away before speaking.

This lot are sailing through their silent training.

Will they ace their final exam at the end of the day?

Well, they're not there yet - just one class to go.

Will their nerves hold out,

or will Miss Bunsen be the one to break them?

Write this down, children.

Apparently E equals MC squared.

Who would have thought it?!

KNOCKING Come in.

That's right. Good girls. Girl power.

This is the School of Silence.

And my name is Miss Bunsen.

I am your science teacher.

Right then, we will be conducting some experiments.

Of course we'll do them silently.

So, if you are to have a nasty accident,

make sure you do it quietly. OK?

What's Miss Bunsen got planned for the girls' training?

Very excited about this, girls!

Oh, very excited.

It's my new invention.

It's called the invisible umbrella.

I've got to write this on the board.

Invisible...umbrella.

Do you know someone stopped me

on the street once and thought I was that girl, you know Rihanna.

It was the hair that give it away.

Right. Here we go. The gobstopper.

Let's find out who it's going to be?

Pick. Who's it going to be?

Who's it going to be?

Oh!

It's you, Tsvey!

Here we go.

This is my invisible umbrella.

Oh, it's a sight to behold, isn't it, girls?

Now, I think this is ground-breaking, this one.

I think this one's going to work. Come on.

That's right, you are going to give this to Tsvey, a minute. Up you get!

I hope you were kind to her earlier on in the canteen,

otherwise, oh, oh! There we go.

Here we are. We've got things to represent the seasons.

You will have 30 seconds to complete this task.

In complete silence.

Remember, Miss Gobstop will be listening at all times.

That's for you. Silent time starts now.

First up, it's a British summer.

Oh, bit of giggling there.

That's autumn.

There goes winter.

Good self-control.

Finally a spring shower.

Still not giggling. They've done it pretty good.

Well, oh, dear! What a mess!

That's all the seasons done, so that's good.

So it's back to the drawing board for Miss Bunsen

and her invisible umbrella invention.

Time for one last bit of silent training before the final exam.

But these girls are ice queens and nothing can break them, or can it?

The next one is all about germs and it's about how to catch a cold.

Wonderful! Right then.

Now for this, one of you is going to have a pair of boxing gloves on.

The other person will be blowing balloons full to the brim with snot

and bogeys and phlegm.

They will be quite literally trying to catch a cold.

Let's have a look and see which one of you will be doing this.

Kelsey. Why don't you ?

Oh!

Donni, it's you. Thank you very much.

Unlucky!

Come on up. That's right. There we are.

If you can stand just here for me.

Now you, Kelsey.

I've got a treat for you.

You will be blowing these snot bombs.

That's it! Let's get on with it, shall we?

How to catch a cold.

This is ground-breaking science.

I hope you take this seriously, girls.

Let's see how many you can catch in 30 seconds.

In, of course, complete silence.

The time starts now.

So, can they catch a cold and keep quiet?

A bit of a snigger there.

Oh, no, that's set off the Gobstop 2000.

Oh, dear!

That's it. It's all over.

There is snot and bogeys everywhere.

Oh, it's like the inside of a hanky in here.

Girls, I heard quite a lot of sniggering and

giggling during that exercise. You seem to be getting worse, not better.

Now, it's time for you to get off to meet Colonel Kittens.

Off you go, on your way.

What went wrong?

They'll be lucky if they put their noisy little fingers on this.

OK, if I was to say one to ten how you are doing?

-Ten being the best, one being the worst?

-I'd say eight.

You think eight out of ten.

-Did I not hear Miss Bunsen say she thinks you're getting worse?

-Yeah.

What happens in the final exam?

You've got to be really silent, haven't you?

We're going to try our hardest.

Listen, if you get three peaks over the Gobstop 2000

then you will be expelled. Hopefully you will graduate.

Things are going well. It could all change. Good luck.

Attention! Attention!

This is the School of Silence.

Pupils are reminded not to scream when they see the school ghost.

If it can be quiet, so can you!

They've had their three classes - now it's time for their final exam.

Colonel Kittens will put them to the test. To graduate

and win the Golden Gobstopper, they must keep that shut.

If they set off the Gobstop 2000 three times, they will be expelled.

Their silent training has all been building up to this,

their final exam,

with Colonel Kittens.

Right, welcome, ladies. I'm Colonel Kittens

and it's my job to make you crack.

If you manage to keep this shut,

you will graduate

with a Golden Gobstopper. Do you think you can win it?

Yes.

Yes. Right.

Your time...

starts now.

They have just 90 seconds between them and the Golden Gobstopper.

Come on girls, you can do it.

Quite easy to begin with. A feather duster.

A light bit of tickling.

No, no. Good self-control.

You can see how the silent training really paying off.

Silly string.

Oh, it's building.

Definitely some giggling there.

And it's getting tougher.

And very messy.

Oh, I think Donni's starting to lose it. She just needs to keep quiet.

Brilliant control from Megan there.

It's the feet. As we all know, a very ticklish part of the body.

I think Donni's struggling.

Yes, that got her.

Has that giggling set off the Gobstop 2000?

Just ten seconds on the clock.

BELL RINGS Time up!

I'm out of breath.

Pretty good.

But was it good enough?

You can laugh now, dear.

You look like a giant trifle.

You should carry that look home, Donni, it looks good.

I thought you'd disappeared entirely there.

Sniggering away under her breath.

I am impressed. You look like a party gone wrong.

Not one I'd like to attend.

Right, get out.

So, smiley people, that was Colonel Kittens. What do you think?

THEY MURMUR

Messy, horrible, mean. Of course, that was your final exam.

That's what all the training today was about.

Had to put it all into practice, in the final exam.

Would you say silent training works?

-Yes.

-It seems to have done.

We are about to find out whether you have graduated or you are expelled.

This is it. The moment. Good luck!

It's time to get their final exam results from Miss Gobstopper.

-KNOCKING

-Come in.

You have been sent here because you're all far too noisy.

I've put you through rigorous silent training today.

Let's look at your reports.

Donni, you made a dreadful start.

Strange "eww" noises during the cat sick test.

Thought you were going to be sick yourself.

Your health and your noise levels improved.

Megan, you kept this shut during your test.

Kelsey, nothing. A silent role model.

I might have you stuffed and placed in my trophy cabinet.

Tsvey, you really a girl for all seasons.

Not a peep in Miss Bunsen's class. Well done!

So, how do you think you did in your final exam?

-Very good.

-Quite good?

-Good.

Fantastic.

Really?

Well, I will be the judge of that.

I can now reveal

that you... will graduate.

Yes!

You did make a few tiny noises,

but they weren't enough to set off the Gobstop 2000.

Who is going to have the honour to receive the Golden Gobstopper?

Kelsey.

Now, go forth and spread the silence.

Now, get out!

Silently.

Barney.

THEY SCREAM

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd