Episode 2 School of Silence

-BELL RINGS

-Shssh!

Shssh!

THEY GASP

SHE GASPS

CHEERING AND SHOUTING

Shssh! BELL RINGS

Welcome to the School Of Silence.

This is where the noisiest children in the country

come to learn, to be educated in the art of silence.

Four new pupils are here today and they've got just one day

to prove they've got what it takes to be absolutely silent.

Are they going to do it? Let's go and find out.

-Shssh!

-The four new pupils are from Hackney in London.

They've been screaming and shouting since they arrived.

They're having their noise levels tested by the headmistress and form tutor.

Come to the front! Right, you, name?

-Shammel!

-Shammel is considered too noisy by her family

and she's always slamming doors.

-Name?

-Revana!

Revana is very musical, which is great,

however she says she prefers keyboards to pianos because they

have a volume control you can turn up really loud. Oh, dear.

-Name?

-Tamera!

-Tamera says she does all her

noisemaking whilst in the park riding her bike.

She disturbs people by shouting at the top of her voice.

-Name?

-Nathan!

-Nathan is another musical one.

He plays his drums loudly in church

and rates himself ten out of ten for noisiness.

With such bad noise ratings it's clear they'll need serious training

to bring those volume levels down.

That's enough, get out!

THEY SCREAM

Here's how the day works.

The new pupils have three challenging classes

to learn how to be silent, followed by the crucial

final exam which will determine whether they graduate

or will be expelled.

If they are too noisy...

THEY LAUGH

..I will know about it thanks to this device, the Gobstop 2000,

the latest in noise monitoring technology.

If they pass they will graduate and receive the ultimate reward,

the Golden Gobstopper.

If they fail to keep THAT shut,

-then I will have no choice but to expel them.

-Shssh!

Now, before we begin, I must ensure the school has been hushed down.

HOOTER BLARES

Seven seconds to hush down.

Seven. Six. Five.

Four. Three.

Two. One. Shssh.

CRASHING

So, it's off to see Mr Gross

for class one of the day's silent training.

The fact that she had a large volume of children, I sympathise with,

but living in a shoe?

The old woman is clearly an idiot and we should really

-learn the lesson that you should find suitable accommodation...

-KNOCK ON DOOR

Yes, do come in.

Please sit down.

I am Mr Gross, your teacher for General Studies.

This is your first lesson in your silent training

during which you must remain absolutely...

-Silent.

-Silent, yes.

Yes, very good. Very good, boy.

Yes, I think we're going to get along just great.

The reason is because Miss Gobstop

is listening on these microphones with the Gobstop 2000.

She'll be monitoring your noise levels and if you're too noisy

it will not bode well for your final exam.

To determine which child does each test, we will be picking gobstoppers

from a jar which are the same colours as all of your ties.

-Shssh!

-Time to get started on the silent training.

Snot hold.

I don't get that.

-We've collected an awful lot of snot.

-Urgh, we have to hold it.

From the horrible children around the school and then, of course,

I've added some of my own lovely snot

and you're going to have to hold it, the chosen child,

for 30 seconds in absolute silence.

Let's find out who's going to do this particular test.

-Would you like to pick a gobstopper, dear?

-Tamera.

Tamera? Remember, it might be you, as we've seen.

-Green. Oh, dear!

-THEY LAUGH

It seems to be you, dear. Don't worry, it's quite fresh.

-Shssh!

-Now, hold your hands out.

They've got no idea that isn't real snot.

When I give you the cue you will have 30 seconds.

I want you to pour it all into her hands, OK?

All of it, don't spare any.

And you must keep your hands cupped like this.

I don't want it slipping through into the tub. No cheating.

Now, the challenge is during this

-that you must remain absolutely silent. Is that clear?

-No.

-Is it clear?

-Yeah.

-I think it is.

Your time starts now.

-Urgh!

-Ah, noise almost immediately.

Not good.

Ah, that's better, controlling themselves after a bad start.

Oh, ho! That's harsh. Mr Gross is making Shammel hold the snot again.

She's really holding it together, though.

OK, time up! Well, not too bad.

However, you did set off the Gobstop 2000.

Do you know what? I don't even think it was one of you two,

I think it was one of your other teammates who I shan't point at.

Oh, I did, whoops! Nathan, you're letting the girls down.

-Shssh!

-Well, let's see if Nathan can control himself

in the next part of the class.

Foot paint.

It's quite simple.

The chosen child will have their feet painted for 30 seconds.

That child and all of the other children must remain absolutely...

-Silent.

-Silent. Yes, indeed.

Let's find out who is doing it?

Revana, you can pick this time.

Pick a gobstopper. Remember, it could even be yourself.

-Yes!

-Oh!

Nathan, it's you. Revana, that means you get to paint his feet.

Do you think you can do it quietly?

-Yes.

-Somehow I doubt it by the giggling that is already occurring.

OK, jolly good.

Your time starts now.

Oh, dear, another bad start, but Tamera is trying to control them.

And it's working. Good teamwork.

Nathan is really struggling to hold the noise in.

Another solid performance from the team, here.

-Time up!

-Yes!

-Well, overall, not too bad.

However, you've got to concentrate if you want to keep it up.

You don't seem to understand you have a final exam

at the end of the day. This is preparation, training.

You must try your best and that is not going to happen if you are

insolently mocking me continuously, Nathan! Now, get out.

-Don't try and use my...

-Get out!

Get out of my class, you insolent children.

Absolutely silent. I can't believe it.

Well, that's because it's not true!

There is always one and this one is called Nathan. Shssh!

So, that was Mr Gross. He is a very select teacher, I suppose.

-He is quite strict as well, isn't it?

-Not really.

-Not really.

-No?

He thinks he's cool.

I think you're doing well. Don't forget you're training to be silent.

-Ready for your next lesson?

-Yes.

-It's in the canteen.

-What do you think will happen there?

-We're gonna make more noise.

Nora and Britney are waiting. Over to the canteen.

-Enjoy yourselves.

-Bye.

-See you in a bit. Ta-ra.

'Attention, attention! This is the School Of Silence.

'The tap dancing class is reminded yet again to wear the correct

'footwear, fluffy slippers. Thank you.'

On with the silent training and it's time to head to the canteen

-for class two.

-Shssh!

SHE BURPS

LAUGHTER

Cooee! It's lunchtime. Hello...

Britney, we are not a DJ, dear. We are a catering assistant, thank you.

Look at me, I've still got my reading spectacles on.

-Hello, dears, how are you?

-Fine.

Are you? Good. Nice to see you all.

My name is Nora Nugget

and I am the dinner lady here at the School Of Silence.

This is my lovely assistant, Britney.

Pretty as a picture. Oh!

Right. Now, welcome to my kitchen, my dears.

You have been sent here as part of your silent training today

and we are going to be feeding you some rather fine recipes

from my own private menu, all right? Now, can you see the sign up there?

-The silent sign.

-Yeah.

-If it flashes red,

that means you are making far too much noise because...

and let me tell you why. Miss Gobstop, you see,

can listen via your microphones to every sound you make.

So, first on the menu...

-"Banana split head."

-Oh!

-This is what you're going to be making,

only with one slight difference, you see, dears.

-You will be making it on your chosen teammate's head.

-Ah!

Yes.

Has anyone ever had a banana split on their head before?

-Yes, yes.

-You have, have you?

-Yes.

-Well, you should be a past master at this.

You might get another one, mightn't you?

Right then, Revana dear, would you like to be the first to choose?

The green one is Shammel.

Aren't you lucky, my dear? I bet you were looking forward to

-a banana split on the head, weren't you?

-No.

-No?

Revana is going to be making one on your head, my dear, all right?

-Shssh!

-Now, you will need to start

with a good solid foundation for a banana split, Revana my dear.

So, a couple of bananas and then start with some cream.

Then you can start decorating with some strawberry or chocolate sauce,

or maybe a bit of both if you like.

Finish off with a bit of decoration, some lovely chocolate sprinkles,

and finish with a cherry on the top.

Your 30 seconds of silence starts now.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, that's another noisy start.

-Squash it.

-Oh, dear.

Can they pull it back like before, though?

That would be no.

Some finishing touches. Ah, cherry, nice.

-BELL RINGS

-Oh, that's time up, Revana.

You have made a rather splendid looking banana split, there.

But I am afraid to say you were all giggling the whole way through,

weren't you? Especially these two.

-Shssh!

-So, can they improve as the class moves on?

"Feed a friend." Feed a friend involves all of you

and you will have these extra long spoons. They are quite long.

And you will be feeding each other some of my very special

-strawberry whip desert, all right?

-Shssh!

Off we go, then. You have 30... Silence! Wait for it.

You have 30 silent seconds starting from now.

GIGGLING

A lot of chuckling going on here.

More laughing, with their mouths full.

HE MUMBLES

And talking as well now.

-BELL RINGS

-Oh, that's time up.

Well, what a mess! You really have dreadful table manners, don't you?

And I saw the Gobstop 2000 go off at least twice.

I can only hope that you do better in Miss Bunsen's

science laboratory this afternoon. Off you go. Off to science. Go on.

Get out. Go on.

SCREAMING

We all like a good laugh, don't we? Well, not me and not in my school!

Not from Shammel, Revana, Tamera or Nathan!

-Appalling behaviour.

-Come on, guys!

-Thanks a lot.

-Not funny.

That was Nora and Britney in the canteen. How was that, Shammel?

-I'm too sticky now.

-Yes. Talk us through what the stickiness is?

Well...this is chocolate sprinkles.

-Yeah.

-And I did have cream on my head and banana.

-Are you learning to be more silent while these things happen?

-No. No.

I have one question, do you want to go away with the Golden Gobstopper?

-Yes.

-Do you know how you go away with the Golden Gobstopper?

-You need to be silent.

-OK, so it's a team effort.

Shammel going, "Yeah, Nathan, you've got to be silent."

What will happen in the final exam? Will you do it?

-We are going to do it.

-We are going to try.

Then we're going to be free for noise.

Exactly. You only have to be quiet for the exam

and once you've got your Golden Gobstopper, go mad.

Your next lesson is with Miss Bunsen.

She's a science teacher. Off you go.

Enjoy yourselves and don't forget, silence. Nathan, you, too.

'Attention, attention. This is the School Of Silence.

'Pupils are reminded that we are about to test

'the new specially designed fire alarm.'

'The fire alarm test is now complete.'

Last lesson of the day, it's off to the science lab to meet Miss Bunsen.

-BANGING

-Moving... Oh! What a din!

Come in, dears.

Oh, hello, Nathan. Hello, Tamera. Shammel, nice to see you.

DOOR SLAMS

Oh, my goodness, young lady!

Well, now, I can see you haven't learnt much since you've been here,

but this is the School Of Silence. Shssh!

And I am your science teacher, Miss Bunsen.

Now, what I want you to learn

is science in silence.

Now, this is the last class that you will be having

before your final exam with Colonel Kittens.

-Shssh!

-Time to get the class underway.

"Instant snowman."

I have designed all season snow.

-Let's see who is going to be doing this task?

-Shssh!

Who's it going to be? Who's it going to be?

Who's it going to be? Who is it?

-It's you.

-You picked yourself.

-Shssh!

-No for my all weather snow.

-Oh, no!

-Your teammates are going to turn you into a snowman.

-This is going to be so fun.

-Ta-da!

All weather snow.

-Shssh!

-Your silent time starts...now.

Nice silent start here.

Oh, a few giggles.

The training is definitely paying off, though.

Noise levels have dramatically improved here.

Overall, a good performance.

-BELL RINGS

-Time's up, time's up, time's up.

Let's apply the finishing touches to our snowman.

Oh, look at that!

Et voila! All season snowman. How do you feel?

-Happy.

-Happy? Of course you do. All snowmen are happy, aren't they?

Well, you managed to do that in quite a lot of silence,

which was brilliant. Whereas you, I did hear a little

bit of giggling, especially from you, Nathan.

MISS BUNSEN TUTS

-Shssh!

-So, their last chance now to perfect those silent techniques.

Toxic slugs.

One of you will be chucking the slugs to another person

and putting them in the contamination units.

That's to make sure they're safe from harm and safe from humans.

Who's it going to be?

Who's it going to be?

We'll pick Shammel this time.

Maybe next time, Nathan.

Oh, dear. You have been chosen to perform the task that

lays before you. Can you believe it?

-Shssh!

-Are you ready for this silent, silent experiment?

Yes we are.

That's what I like to hear.

Your silent time starts now.

Good start.

Catch it!

-Oh, too much noise.

-Catch it!

Tamera's taking her time here,

making sure she gets the slug in the container.

Oh, dear.

They're doing better now.

-BELL RINGS

-Time's up, time's up, time's up!

Whoa!

Well, you saved some of my slugs.

You were quite quiet. You were very giggly.

I think you actually spoke, Shammel.

Words actually left your lips!

My goodness! You need to go to Colonel Kittens' class ASAP

for your final exam. Off you go. In silence. Keep it quiet.

Good luck and may the force be with you, always.

Nanoo, nanoo.

A lot of self control in this group.

That's what we like to see.

I mean, hear.

Particularly Nathan.

How are you feeling? Nathan?

-I'm feeling very fine.

-You're feeling fine. OK.

Revana?

Kind of a bit scared.

Shammel, how do you think it's going to go?

-I think it's going to be fun, actually.

-Yeah?

As a team, do you now feel prepared to go into the final exam and do it?

-Yeah.

-Are you going to go away with the Golden Gobstopper?

-Yes!

-And are you ready to meet Colonel Kittens?

-Yes.

-Will you graduate or get expelled?

-Graduate.

That's what we like to see, a positive attitude. He's in the gym.

-Good luck, guys.

-Bye.

-See you in a bit.

'Attention, attention! This is the School Of Silence.

'Pupils are reminded that due to excessive noise levels

'in preparation, popcorn is to be consumed uncooked.'

-Shssh!

-They've had their three classes

and now it's time for their final exam.

Colonel Kittens will really put them to the test.

To graduate and win the Golden Gobstopper they must keep that shut.

If they set off the Gobstop 2000 three times they will be expelled!

Well, they're silent training's all been building up to this,

their final exam with Colonel Kittens.

Right! You gobby little goblins!

My name is Colonel Kittens and it's my job to make you crack.

And from all the sniggering I've had reports of,

that doesn't sound like it's going to be too difficult.

These are my munitions. What's your name?

-TAMERA!

-Tamera?

-YES, SIR!

-What about you, boy?

-NATHAN, SIR.

Jolly good. And a salute, chuck it in for good measure.

-What about you, dear?

-Shammel, sir.

-Fantastic. On the end here?

-Revana, sir.

-Revana, sir.

Good, good, good.

Right, are you ready to suffer in silence?

ALL: Yes, sir!

Your time starts...NOW!

The Colonel brings out the ketchupy socks.

Let's see if he can get a reaction.

Nothing from Nathan.

How about that, then?

Nothing from Shammel.

Good work here.

Now, what's next? Ah, the creamy dollops.

Nice bowl cut for Revana.

And a nice cherry to finish.

All supposed to create noise and it's not happening so far.

Oh, dear, orange splat.

Yes, this normally works and there's definitely a chuckle there.

And the Colonel's secret weapon, the comedy hat with squirty cream.

A little bit of a squeak, but not too much noise.

It didn't work, Colonel. Yes, he doesn't look happy.

Ah, silly string.

That's it, Colonel, make him work.

Well, done, Nathan. Oh, dear, the bunny ears, never fails.

Until today.

Great work from the team.

-BELL RINGS

-Right!

Well, what can I say?

You seem to have made rather a mess of my gym, and of me,

which I don't normally allow.

Look at the state of you, Nathan!

I can barely see you.

You look like a tangerine explosion.

Is that normal behaviour?

-No, sir!

-No, it isn't, is it?

How do you think you did?

-Very good, sir.

-Right, well, why don't you go and find out?

Get out of my gym!

So, you managed to wreck the place, then. That's a good sign.

-That was the final exam. How was it?

-It wasn't noiseable,

-but we had lots of fun.

-It was so much fun that we couldn't even talk.

Colonel Kittens was impressed with your discipline.

The "Sir, yes, sir," and the "No, sir," all very good.

Do you think he managed to make you make noise?

-No.

-Do you think you didn't make any noise?

-Yes, a tiny little bit.

Just like that.

He did tell you.

No, I wasn't even laughing.

I'm gonna ask the big question, have you graduated or are you expelled?

-Graduated.

-Confidence, that's what we like.

OK, well, Miss Gobstop is waiting to tell you the results. After you.

-Good luck.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Shssh!

-KNOCKING

-Come in!

Quickly. Here.

Now, you've all been sent here because you are all far too noisy,

and I've put you through silent training,

and I've been listening to you all day.

Let's take a look at your reports.

Revana, a bit of a chatter,

a bit of a giggler, are we? I'm not sure if your training has worked.

But you did make a marvellous banana split on your teammate's head.

Shssh!

-Shssh!

-Maybe you should go into catering.

Shammel, you are definitely not a model silent student.

-When you had a banana split head, noise.

-Shssh!

-Shssh!

-Touching toxic slugs, noise.

-Shssh!

-Catch it!

-Catch it!

-Shssh!

-Not very impressed.

Nathan, during the classes you were loud.

In the tests, however, you managed to keep it shut.

Shssh!

-Shssh!

-Thank you, Miss.

Tamera, or should I say Frosty?

You can't seem to keep quiet either, even with a carrot on your nose

-and your hands catching toxic slugs.

-Shssh!

-Shssh!

-I'm disappointed.

But how did you do in the final exam?

-Revana?

-Good.

-Shammel?

-Good.

-Nathan?

-Brilliant.

-Tamera?

-Fabulous.

I can reveal to you that you...

-have graduated.

-Yes!

-Ah! Come on!

And, therefore, you receive the Golden Gobstopper.

Revana.

Take the silence with you, spread it,

and always remember... no noise is good noise.

Get out.

You, too, Barney.

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