Fight Night Scoop


Fight Night

Local reporter Digby Digworth gets more than he bargained for when he is sent to interview a top US wrestler, ending up in the ring facing his opponent, the Biter.


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Transcript


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# Time is running out Stories to be found

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# What's it all about?

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# Got to go and check around

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# If there's a rumour going round

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# Don't you forget it Whenever something's going down

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# Got to get that scoop!

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# Got to get that S-C-O-O-P! #

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ALARM BLEEPS

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ALARM BLEEPS

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SECOND ALARM SOUNDS

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Yeuch! One sugar, please, and make it a big one.

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HE SPLUTTERS

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Paperboy!

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GROWL!

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Woof, woof, woof!

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Hmm!

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Ah-ha-ha!

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Mwah! Ha-ha!

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Aagh!

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Hacker, do you know whose skateboard this is?

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Naagh! Very dangerous things left lying around.

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Do you remember last week at the Pilbury rock festival? Yes.

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"Dopey Digby The Guitar Smash.

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Still, a front page is a front page I suppose.

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I just wish it was written by me and not about me

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I must be the only reporter who can hold an interview

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while doing a kick flick.

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Everywhere I go now, skateboards.

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I don't know where they're all coming from. Got any ideas? No.

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There could be a top story here

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Are you listening to me?

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Pilbury skateboard peril.

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Yes, it's got a nice ring to it

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Speaking of which, the editor's due to ring me at any moment.

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Dream on!

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He said he would. Ooh.

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I'm sure he will.

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I'll phone him to check he's going to phone me.

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PHONE RINGS

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Max de Lacey, editor in chief.

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'Hi, boss, it's Digby.' Who?

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Digby Digworth. Ace reporter, suave and intelligent.

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Sorry, wrong number. The only Digby I know is stupid. Simon.

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He's complimenting me on last week's story.

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However, I've got a job that even you can't muck up.

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He's giving me the best job of the week. Thank you, sir

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To make it big you have to give people a helping hand.

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Hey. Agh!

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'What's my assignment?'

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Let me give you a clue. Watch out, Mister, it's The Ballista

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Do you hear what I'm saying?

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Just about. 'Do I have to spell it out for you?'

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W-W-E.

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W, double E. What?

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"Wee."

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Ever been? Once or twice.

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Consider yourself a new wrestling correspondent. Wrestling?

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Like in America? 'Better than that.'

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The Pilbury Post is putting on its own wrestling competition.

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I want you to interview The Ballista.

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He's got a thing about people staring.

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Don't look him in the eye. Or else. Or else what?

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Simon, hey! Ooh!

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Owww!

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Oh!

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I've got to go and ring that idiot Digby Digworth.

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How about that, Hacker?

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We're going to interview a big time wrestling star.

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We've made it. Let's go and sniff out the story.

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I smell a scoop! Wooh!

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Ahh!

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We've got to interview The Ballista. What could be simpler?

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Put the Radio on, Hacker. I feel like some music.

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MUSIC PLAYS

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'This is Radio Pilbury. Later we'll be bringing you

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'live coverage of today's wrestling match between The Ballista -'

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'Yes, watch out, mister, it's The Ballista!'

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'And contender, The Biter -'

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'Biter, biter, dirty fighter.'

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The whole town has gone wrestling crazy. How far is it to the stadium?

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'Your destination is one mile.

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'Proceed for 500 metres.'

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'Then turn left.'

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'Watch out, mister, it's The Ballista!'

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'Yes, tonight's the night, the night for a fight.'

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Let's go back to the radio.

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MUSIC PLAYS

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Remember, The Ballista reacts badly if people stare at him.

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Woof! Don't look him in the eyes or you know what will happen to you.

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'Waaaargh!' Exactly.

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GULP!

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Stop the fight! Wrestlers out!

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Stop the fight! Wrestlers...

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You don't like wrestling, huh?

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Don't wanna see Billy The Biter get beat?

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Don't want these free tickets then?

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It works every time.

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Oh!

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Hey, chunky!

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Huh? Are you referring to me?

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Give me a hand with these, will ya?

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Back's playing up.

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Slipped disc? Slipped up.

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Had a run-in with Giant Hammerlock, the roughest wrestler in Redmond.

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You'd be surprised what a gut buster drop can do.

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No. That's no way to treat the elderly.

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Yeah? Well, he deserved it.

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Arf-ow-wow!

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Stop being silly, Hacker.

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Rrrr! Grrr! Woof!

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What do you think you're doing

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I'm not doing anything.

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Wait a minute, "Stop the fight.

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What's this? What does it look like?

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You can read, can't you?

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You should be ashamed. You've come to wreck the wrestling.

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You're a wrestling wrecker.

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I'm a wrestling wrecker? You admit it.

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You can't get one over on Digby D Digworth.

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Do you know what the D stands for? Dimwit? Detective.

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This is a big event for our town.

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We don't need someone like you to sabotage it.

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'Digby Digworth? You may enter.

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Huh!

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Come, Hacker.

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Huh! Huh!

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We don't want to upset The Ballista.

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You know what will happen if we look him in the eye.

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Owww!

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Exactly. Luckily, I'm on top of the situation. Try those on

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There we go. Ha! Ready? Woof!

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Whoa!

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Mr Ballista! Digby Digworth, top reporter.

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Agghhh!

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You've heard of me! A reputation spreads.

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Aagghhh!

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Aaaaghhh!

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Aaaaghhh! Wooh!

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Oooh! Oh!

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Perhaps that's a traditional wrestling greeting. Huh?

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I didn't go in there with that did I? Why didn't you tell me? Uh?

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How are we going to get back in and get my interview?

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Ha!

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Aaggghhhh...!

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Where is he? Where is my practice partner?

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I'm ready to rock and rumble.

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..Aaaghhh!

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Rargh!

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There you are. Huh? Ah! Uh!

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Ohh! Oooh!

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Ohh!

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A bit smaller than I expected.

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Still, glad to see you've come prepared.

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Ohhh!

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Are you looking at me?

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I should hope not, too.

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Aggghhh!

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Exactly.

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Grrr! Grrr!

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Eek! Oh!

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GRRRRRR!

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The wrestling wrecker. What's she up to now?

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Gotcha!

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Not you again! Where are you going with those?

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Listen, chunky, don't you know who I am?

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Yes - a wrestling wrecker. Give those to me.

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Give! Oh!

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Oh, yeah! Watch out, Mister.

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I'm The Ballista.

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Agghhhh!

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Grrr! Aaghhh!

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Aggghhhh!

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Oh! Oh! Oh!

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Give! Give! Oh!

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Agh!

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You got a lot of guts for a little fella.

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Doesn't say much, does he, eh?

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It's you. About earlier.

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Is he with you? Yeah? Any friend of yours is a friend of mine.

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Oooh!

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So, the interview is back on? Sure.

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Just one thing. You've got to take off those dark glasses

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They make you look kind of stupid.

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Maybe it wasn't the glasses.

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Ha-ha-ha!

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Remember, whatever you do, don't look him in the eye.

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Oh! I hear dumb-bells calling.

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I never said a word.

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You guys OK to chat on the circuit? I got to go train.

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No problemo.

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So how did you get into wrestling?

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It's in my blood. Ma and Pa were both great wrestlers.

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They must have been proud when little Blister burst onto the scene.

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It's Ballista. Are you one of those guys who wants to wind me up?

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No. I can look you straight in the eye and say that.

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But I wouldn't. Your ear, maybe

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Anyway, wrestling is all pretend, isn't it? Oh, sure.

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This is a pretend wrist lock. Agh!

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A pretend shoulder lock. Agh!

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Oh!

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And this is a pretend head lock Agh! What do you think?

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It's very realistic.

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Like you say, it's only acting You're a natural.

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Hacker, give me some water.

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It's blocked. Oh!

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What's the matter with it?

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Agh! My foot, my foot! I've broken my foot.

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That's a great catchphrase. "Me foot, I've broken me foot."

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My foot! Oh, you mean you have broken your foot?

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BELL RINGS

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Oh?

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Oh! My foot! Agh!

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Digby? What's that noise? Sounds like someone is in agony

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No, it's only me, boss. Aagh! That's all right.

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I thought you had done some terrible injury to our star, The Ballista.

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Ha! Agh!

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Hang on.

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Eurgh! Agh! Eurgh!

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Agh! Eugh!

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This is a big event for the Pilbury Post.

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Sponsorship is costing us a fortune. The fight's off. What's off?

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The lights. The lights are off. Nothing to worry about.

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This place is a joke. I'm out of here.

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See what he's got to say at this pre-fight press conference

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Don't muck it up.

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Eurgh! Agh!

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The press conference, Hacker. It's all right. Don't panic.

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This top reporter still has one last ace up his sleeve.

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What we need is a source.

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No, Hacker, not brown sauce.

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A source of information.

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Sid the source.

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You looking for me? Sid. Who else are you expecting? Homer Simpson?

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I've got a problem. Don't worry I can get you a new shirt.

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No, that's not my problem. You reckon?

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The Ballista has hurt his foot there's no one to face the press.

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You know me. Always happy to help. Hacker, doggy bag.

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Hold this for a minute, will you?

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What do you really know about wrestling?

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Nothing. More than I thought.

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You've got two problems. No wrestler and no match.

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Exactly. What can I do?

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Get someone to stand in for the Ballista.

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Brilliant, Sid. Who?

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You. Me?

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But I don't look anything like him. You might as well suggest Hacker.

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With the right disguise.

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Come on, Hacker.

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I was going to say there's a stall over there

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I'm never setting foot... Hey! Mom! Mom!

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Not before time! What are you doing in the closet?

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Not looking for a mop. That's for sure.

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It was that incompetent reporter Digby Digworth.

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He put me in there.

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He did that to you? he put you in the closet? He surely did.

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I bet it was that hairy little fella put him up to it.

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Hairy little fella? He's a dog

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Oh!

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Just like his father...

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SHE MUMBLES

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No one does that to my mom and gets away with it.

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Digby Digworth, your days are numbered.

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Watch out, Mister, here comes The Ballista.

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Hacker, with luck we might get away with this press conference

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That balloon has given us height.

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I hope nobody notices the lack of hair.

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Grr!

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BANG

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Huh? What was that? Not to worry.

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Probably nothing important. Let's do it.

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'Finally I'd ask, please do not look the Ballista in the eyes.

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'Or else...'

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ALL GASP

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'Exactly.'

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Mr Ballista, have you had some sort of training accident

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Oh, that.

0:19:430:19:43

No, nothing to worry about. Nothing major.

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You don't look too good.

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They've noticed the lack of hair.

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I wanted a change of image so I chopped it off.

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It had been getting on my nerves, to be honest.

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Huh?

0:20:120:20:14

SCREAMS

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Now, are there any more questions?

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No?

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Oh! Let's go and find the real Ballista. Oh!

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'Mr Ballista, please report immediately -

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'the wrestling bout starts in five minutes.'

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CHEERING

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'What a night for a fight!

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'Sponsored by the Bilberry Post This is the Bilberry no holds,

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'featuring the two hottest stars of the moment.

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'First up, baddest of the bad guys, it's The Biter!

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CROWD: Biter, Biter, Dirty Fighter!

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'They sure hate him here, but does he care?

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CROWD: Dirty Fighter...

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'I don't think so.'

0:21:100:21:12

Dirty Fighter!

0:21:120:21:14

'I can't hear you!

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'Louder!'

0:21:160:21:19

Biter, Biter. Dirty Fighter!

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'And at 6 feet 8 inches of pure muscle, it's the Ballista!'

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Mister, mister, here comes the Ballista.

0:21:300:21:33

'Louder!'

0:21:330:21:36

Here comes the Ballista!

0:21:360:21:38

'Where is he?

0:21:380:21:40

'Wow!

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'Well, amazing what a spell away from the ring can do for you.

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'Still, I'm sure he still packs a punch.

0:21:480:21:51

Watch out, Mister, we want the Ballista!

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Grrrr!

0:22:010:22:03

Keep half an eye out for that wrestling wrecker.

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There he is. The one that puts you in with the brooms.

0:22:210:22:24

I'm going to make a clean sweep out of him.

0:22:240:22:27

I'll go check the lighting.

0:22:270:22:30

You know how they always make you look so pasty.

0:22:300:22:33

'That's it. It's show time!'

0:22:380:22:41

Hello. How do you do?

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Grrr! Aargh!

0:22:490:22:51

Ah! Just in the nick of time. Am I glad to see you?

0:22:510:22:55

Obviously, I'm not looking at you.

0:22:550:22:57

It seems we have one person too many in this ring.

0:22:570:23:00

You're right, I'll be off.

0:23:000:23:02

Not you.

0:23:020:23:03

Ohhh!

0:23:080:23:10

'Remember, Hacker, keep half an eye out for that wrestling wrecker.

0:23:100:23:14

'We don't want her ruining things. We're doing this for Pilbury.'

0:23:140:23:18

What have I done?

0:23:200:23:21

You locked my mom in the closet

0:23:210:23:23

Your mum? I thought she was a fight protester.

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What? Perhaps I could just say sorry

0:23:260:23:29

Sure - after I've broken every bone in your body.

0:23:290:23:33

Hacker, Hacker!

0:23:330:23:34

'Hang on! That wasn't on the schedule, but do we care? No!

0:23:340:23:38

'It looks like Double Trouble.

0:23:380:23:40

'Let's get ready to rumble!'

0:23:400:23:43

CHEERING

0:23:430:23:44

Hacker.

0:23:480:23:50

Hey, that's my boy!

0:23:500:23:53

Woof! Oh! Grr!

0:23:530:23:55

Rrrr! Owww!

0:23:550:23:58

Owww!

0:23:580:24:00

Aaggh! Aaggh!

0:24:000:24:04

'That's got to hurt.'

0:24:080:24:17

Hacker!

0:24:170:24:18

Hacker!

0:24:200:24:22

Grrr! Rrrrr!

0:24:250:24:30

Here, boy. Jockey drop.

0:24:310:24:35

Oh! Oh! Grrr!

0:24:390:24:43

Grr! Grr!

0:24:430:24:46

'I have to say this has the ingredients to be a knockout.

0:24:460:24:50

'Two athletes at the top of their game.'

0:24:500:24:54

You want it? Huh? Huh? Come on

0:24:540:24:59

'This is the hammer throw, ladies and gentlemen.

0:24:590:25:02

I'm the Ballista!

0:25:050:25:07

Come on!

0:25:090:25:10

'OK, here we go.

0:25:100:25:12

'Ooh, that's got to hurt!

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Hacker.

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Woof!

0:25:210:25:23

Woof! Grrr!

0:25:230:25:27

Wooof! Rrrr!

0:25:270:25:31

Help!

0:25:310:25:32

Would this be a good time to give up?

0:25:360:25:39

Aargh!

0:25:390:25:41

One. Hacker!

0:25:410:25:43

Rrrrrr!

0:25:430:25:45

Wooooof!

0:25:450:25:47

Oww! Rrr! Grrr!

0:25:470:25:51

Hacker. Huh?

0:25:510:25:53

Grab the camera.

0:25:530:25:55

Argh! And two!

0:25:570:25:59

Smile for the camera.

0:26:030:26:06

What are you doing?

0:26:070:26:11

Aargh! Please!

0:26:120:26:13

And three!

0:26:130:26:16

No! Whatever you do, don't look him in the eye.

0:26:160:26:21

Get a picture. I sense a front page.

0:26:210:26:24

No!

0:26:320:26:33

Mom, he did it. Nasty Digby did it. Boo-hoo!

0:26:330:26:38

See what you've done now! That always happens.

0:26:380:26:43

You... You...bully.

0:26:430:26:47

Ah, hot off the press, Simon.

0:26:530:26:55

Another award-winning front page no doubt.

0:26:550:26:59

"Wrestler reduced to tears by Dodo Digby."

0:27:030:27:08

Digby Digworth...!

0:27:080:27:14

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:320:27:34

E-mail [email protected]

0:27:340:27:37

Children's comedy-drama series.

Wrestling fever hits town as American legend the Ballista prepares for a one-off bout in Pilbury. Local reporter Digby Digworth is sent to get a knockout interview but gets more than he bargained for when he ends up in the ring facing world-famous wrestler the Biter.


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