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King Niles Scream Street

King Niles

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# He was a kid who didn't fit in

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# Got a wolf living inside under his skin

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# When he's angry, his body sprouts hair

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# So he got a ticket

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# You'll never guess where

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# Scream, scream, scream

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# When you get to Scree-eam Street

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# Scream, scream, scream

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# When you get to Scream Street.

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# Ha-ha, ha-ha!

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# Next door's a vampire or maybe not

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# 4,000 years old, but her body won't rot

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# Yeah, being a freak is totally normal

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# When everyone's freaky paranormal

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# Scream, scream, scream

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# When you get to Scream Street.

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# Scream, scream, scream

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# When you get to Scream Street

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# Scream Street, Scream Street

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# Ha-ha, ha! #

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Oh, hello, Dig. Want to play fetch?

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Hey, dude!

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Hey, Dad. What you doing?

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I'm just playing fetch with Dig and this leg-shaped stick.

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Hello!

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Er, Dad, I'm pretty sure that's actually Doug's...

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-Plump up my pillows and...

-Never mind.

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..clean my spare nose hair clippers...

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And put cream on my... Ugh!

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Ugh! Wah!!

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Oi! Are you laughing at me?

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Hmm...

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Eugh!

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Wah! Wuh-uh!

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I suppose one of you bandaged delinquents threw that leg at me!

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No, but I did throw the stick.

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I can't believe we let your sort live on Scream Street.

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I mean, look at the mess you make.

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HE GROANS

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See? What a disgrace! I've half a mind to throw you out.

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You can't do that!

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It's all right, Princess.

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I'm sorry, Mr Sneer, sir.

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-I'll tidy it up right away.

-I should hope so.

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I can't believe you let Otto talk to you like that.

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But Mayor Sneer is...

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Well, Mayor. He's in charge.

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You used to be king of all Egypt!

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A pharaoh! Don't you remember?

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Princess, I barely remember what I had for breakfast.

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Oh, toast!

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No, wait... Grapefruit.

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SHE SIGHS

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There's something you need to see.

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Hello, fancy a game of I spy?

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It's a bit... Oh, they've gone.

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Look! Only pharaohs were given a sarcophagus as grand as yours.

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And your kingdom was vast. You were the greatest king in history.

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Powerful, feared...

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Ooh, dollies!

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Not what I was going for, Dad.

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But these are my strongest servants.

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Hush-Mush-Tush-Lush-Bushy

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and Bob.

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What's this?

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Ushabti dolls.

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"When moon is high above your head, bury us deep amongst the dead.

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"Raise pharaoh's staff and call our name,

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"we shall rise to serve again."

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Dad, does this mean we can bring them back to life?

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Dad?

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Oh, look! I can play with this in the bath.

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Do I have to do everything around here?

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OWL HOOTS

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Hush-Mush-Tush-Lush-Bushy and Bob,

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I, Pharaoh Niles Farr, summon you...

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Anything happening?

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-RESUS GIGGLES

-Apart from you cracking me up, nope!

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-You have a go, then.

-OK.

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-IN PHARAOH'S VOICE:

-I, Pharaoh Niles Farr...

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-Wow!

-Yeah, I'm good at impressions.

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A little-known Resus fact.

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CLEARS HIS THROAT

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I, Pharaoh Niles Farr, summon you, my servants,

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Hush-Mush-Tush-Lush-Bushy...

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Oh, and Bob.

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BANGS STAFF

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HE GASPS

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Wow!

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-BOTH:

-Oh, mighty Pharaoh, we, your servants, have returned to...

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Hang about! That's not him.

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Oh, yeah. Must still have sand in my brains.

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Did that really just happen?

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DIG BARKS

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What's that, Dig? You want me to kick your hairy football for you?

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Er, dude! Whoa!

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BOTH: Oh, mighty Pharaoh, we, your servants,

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have returned to render loyal service unto you.

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Hush-Mush-Tush-Lush-Bushy!

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Bob! Oh, this is amazing! How've you been?

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Er... Dead. For centuries.

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Yeah, but apart from that? All good?

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Whoa!

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And when you've finished moisturising my back warts...

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Whoa!

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You sandy-brained nincompoop!

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BOTH: All shall bow before the pharaoh.

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Unhand me, you brutes!

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Cleo, look who came back from the dead.

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NONAME GROANS

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You can't do this to me, I'm Mayor of Scream Street.

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-I'm their head honcho. I'm...

-Shall I squash him now, my pharaoh?

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I'm... The one that's running away! Aagh!

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How can that funny little man be in charge and not the pharaoh?

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There's going to be some big changes around here.

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Wow!

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OTTO SQUEALS

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Maybe we should make an appointment?

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OTTO SCREAMS

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BOTH: Out!

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But this isn't my house. This is wrong!

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Although I do like what you've done with the place.

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This is brilliant.

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Now your dad is in charge,

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Scream Street's going to be more like Easy Street for us.

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-Sweep!

-And you, fan!

-What?

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Ah, how refreshing.

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I guess they know royalty when they...

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You, unblock toilets!

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HE LAUGHS

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BOTH: All must serve the pharaoh.

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Oh, yes. Very good.

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-Dad, what's going on?

-Oh, hi, sweetie!

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The guys are thinking of making a small extension.

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-Isn't Sneer Hall big enough already?

-Not for a pharaoh!

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Oops! Almost forgot, I'm not supposed to talk to you.

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I'm a living god, apparently.

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I wouldn't worry, Cleo.

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You'd need an army of slaves to build a pyramid that big.

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THEY GROAN

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You were saying?!

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SQUEALS

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Quiet, slaves. Now, pull! Pull!

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I only wanted to help my dad get some of his old confidence back.

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Mission accomplished, I reckon.

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Well, at least no-one knows it was me who started all this.

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And then, Cleo forced me to impersonate the pharaoh

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and raise the giant mummy servants from the dead.

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THEY GASP Boo!

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CLEO SIGHS

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Maybe things weren't so bad under good old Mayor Otto, eh?

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I may have been strict, but I never abused my workers.

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Oh, stop fidgeting, Noname!

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All we need to do is get your dad away from those two for long enough

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-to make him see sense.

-We'd have to get to him first

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and he never comes out of his "palace".

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We might be able to help there.

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So, in summary, we'd like a decent wage,

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paid holidays and at least three more toilet breaks.

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HE GROWLS

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Or things could stay exactly as they are, which is fine, too.

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Ready? OK, now!

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-Go, Dixon!

-Yeah, squash'em!

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Uh-oh!

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Was this your idea? Insolent slaves!

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Hey! Ow!

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Get off! Rragh!

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You really should let my friend go, you know. He has a...condition.

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HE GROWLS

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Well, they did say they'd cause a distraction.

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OK, Sneer, where is this secret entrance, then?

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Oh, look. It's right here.

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I didn't say it was clever.

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Another sticky honeyed locust?

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DIG BARKS

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Dad, you have to stop this craziness.

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-Listen to her, she's a smart girl.

-But I'm pharaoh now.

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Nobody pushes me around. I thought that's what you wanted.

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I know, but look...

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It's a nightmare out there.

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Oh, you're right.

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That werewolf's trampling on my geraniums!

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Focus, Dad. You're treating friends and neighbours like slaves.

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HE SIGHS

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Maybe things were better the way they were before.

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Uh-oh!

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Intruders!

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Nice foot rub, your Excellency?

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Thief!

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Get her!

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Oh, come on! You agreed to help Cleo.

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Yes, that was then.

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Unless, of course, you want my guys to put me back on that throne?

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Oh... Fine!

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-Follow me!

-Agh!

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-IN PHARAOH'S VOICE:

-Servants of the pharaoh...

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BOTH: Master.

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It's time to end this.

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Go back to whither... er, whence...

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-NORMAL VOICE:

-Whither, whatever...

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-AS PHARAOH:

-You came.

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BOTH: Nice try, kiddo!

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-Get off him!

-Leave him alone.

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Stop!

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-BOTH:

-Master?

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Go back whither, whence, whither... Oh, what he said!

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But, master, we live to serve you.

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You would disobey your king?

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Well, if it means being turned back into dolls... Probably yes!

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Dig, fetch!

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Whoa!

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Ah... Yah!

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Ugh!

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-No!

-Run!

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BOTH: Oof!

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Ha-ha!

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You will obey your master.

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HE GASPS

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Ow! Ooh!

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Some pharaoh I am!

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You'll always be the king of the world to me, Dad.

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Right, you lot.

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I order you to tidy up all this mess.

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Oh, do you... Really?

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Er, or not.

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That's fine. As you were.

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Ooh!

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It's nice to have you back in charge, Mayor.

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LAUGHTER

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