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The Short List Sidekick

The Short List

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# We are Splitsboro kids and we go to Sidekick School

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# Learning to be second best while playing by the rules

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# Maxum Man is missing

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# Now we rule the school

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# Flying, smashing, bashing, stomping, looking super cool

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# I'm a sidekick, sidekick

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# That's the life for me

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# Half-sized super zeros with full-sized super dreams

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# Sidekick, sidekick What an awesome gig!

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-# Just like superheroes

-Just like superzeros

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-# But only half as big!

-Sidekick!

-#

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Ha!

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Eat virtual lasers!

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Mine!

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Oh!

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I got it!

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This is too easy.

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Come on, over here!

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Man, I am good!

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Let's set the danger level to maximum.

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You can't. Only Maxum Man can change...

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Warning! Game settings at maximum.

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User destruction likely.

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But how...?

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Hiiiiya!

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Wicked.

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How did you change the safety settings?

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Even I don't have that security clearance.

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Maybe the computer just senses my superiority.

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Let's test it out.

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-How about this.

-The scanner must be busted.

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It never works for me.

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Let a professional do it.

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-BLEEP

-Access granted.

-Hello, Vana.

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Ow!

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THEY GASP

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-ALL:

-Maxum chocolate!

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OK, this is too much.

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Brain?

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-Agh!

-Hello? I am not being a touch-screen.

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Where did you even put that finger last?

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Why are you letting her get away with stuff, and not me?

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I'm the one who lives here.

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Um...it is not being your business...

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-HE SNIFFS

-Mr Smelly Finger.

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Of course it's my business.

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I'm Maxum Man's Sidekick.

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And I don't have smelly fingers.

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HE SNIFFS

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OK, I have smelly fingers.

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But at least I HAVE fingers!

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THEY GASP

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So now you are getting the personal? You really want to know why

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Vana has a higher security clearance than you?

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-Yeah!

-Really?

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Maybe we should leave.

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Wait, this is getting juicy.

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Just spit it out, you pile of junk.

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Fine, I will!

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It's because Vana was Maxum Man's first choice for Sidekick.

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THEY GASP

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There, I said it. My RAM is clear.

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Yes, I knew it! Yes, yes,

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YES!

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I don't believe it.

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It totally makes sense.

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I'm a way better sidekick than you.

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-That much is true.

-What?

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OK, if you think she'd be better at being Maxum Man's sidekick than me,

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then she can have it.

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How do you like that?

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PARTY HORNS, CHEERING

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Did you say something?

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Fine, then...

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I quit!

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WHEE

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ERIC CRIES

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Ohh-ha-ho-ho. I guess you...

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Eric's upset because he hosed himself

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out of Maxum Dan's sidekick thingy, so he's staying here for ever,

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thank you, good night.

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Oh...

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WHOMP

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It's over.

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I'm not Maxum Man's sidekick any more.

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BLONK

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Yeah, I bet Vana moved all kinds of girlie junk into your old room.

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There. Much better.

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Would you stop hitting me?

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So you're not Maxum Man's sidekick.

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I bet you there's lots of heroes

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who'd want you to be their human shield.

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You think so?

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Eh.

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Ugh.

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Ho, ho! Well done, Vana.

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The house is spotless.

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SCRAPE

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Um, why are you moving the sofa?

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It looks better over here.

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-Hmm.

-KEYBOARD TAPS

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Now what are you doing?

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I'm improving security.

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The mansion really needs a more powerful system.

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But I am not needing an upgrade.

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Don't think of it as an upgrade.

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Think of it as a replacement.

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Good day.

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I am Sentinel.

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Can I get you anything, before I replace you?

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Replace me?

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There is no way you can be replacing

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my massive, robotic, fox-like cunning!

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I dare you to try!

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Very well.

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But would you mind looking behind you first?

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Certainly, I do not see the harm in...

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..there is the harm.

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WHOMP

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Ohhh!

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Ugh.

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Got the boot, huh, Maxum Brain?

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So who's the stinky one now?

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HE SNIFFS

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I really should wash these.

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I was kicked out by Vana.

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This is the worst day of my operational life span.

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What are we going to do?

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Hnngggh!

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An untested defence system,

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Maxum Man not home,

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and one little girl sidekick.

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It's like Maxum Man is inviting me to smash his mansion to dust!

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Eee-he-he-ha-ha....

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HACKING COUGH

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Now she is running around the mansion like she owns the place.

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I wish I never picked her.

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What do you mean, "You picked her"?

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You said she was Maxum Man's first choice.

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Did you say something?

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I knew it!

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I knew Maxum Man chose me.

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Hah!

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That's the truth, isn't it?

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That is crazy talk, I-I...

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Oh, fine! Yes, he always wanted you.

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Vana was my first choice.

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She seemed perfect -

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clean, smart, nice smell -

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everything you are not!

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You lied to me?

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Do you know what this means?

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Absolutely...

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not.

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It means I AM Maxum Man's sidekick,

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and we're getting our mansion back.

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DOORBELL CHIME

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Maxum Man's newest and greatest sidekick, Vana, here.

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Sorry, but your sidekick career isn't in right now.

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If you'd like to leave a message...

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Sure, I'll leave a message.

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# Maxum Man picked me

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# You are not his sidekick

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# Cos Maxum Brain lied! #

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That is a catchy tune.

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HE HUMS

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It's true, Vana. Maxum Man didn't pick you.

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He always wanted Eric.

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What?

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Well, too bad.

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Because I'm his sidekick now, and nobody is taking that away from me.

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Not even Master Xox!

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Master Xox?

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Why would Master Xox want to...

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Not now, Trevor!

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Uh, dude?

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I said, not now...

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Whoa!

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Sidekicks, your destruction is at hand.

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THEY SCREAM

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Wha...?

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HE SCREAMS

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Wow! That new security computer is amazing.

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Rub it in, why don't you?

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HE SOBS

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Initialising counter-offensive manoeuvre delta gamma...

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Don't bother, already did it.

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Um...re-routing power to the...

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Done.

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Fine.

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Initiating sarcastic response...

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Ugh.

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Could you be any slower?

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Eric might need a bucket of circuits to help him, but I don't.

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What are you doing? Um, I know you're good and all,

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but do you really think you should turn off the security system

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while we're under attack by the world's greatest supervillain?

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I'll show them. I'll show them all...

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I can do this myself!

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Pardon me, but would Maxum Man be home?

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Nope. It's just you and me, Xox...

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and Kitty.

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-Uh...

-But mostly me.

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Maxum Man's ultimate sidekick, and I'm taking you down.

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BOOM, PIG SQUEALS

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LASER CANNON FIRE

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Trevor, focus! The girls need help.

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But Vana totally ditched you.

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Yeah, well, it doesn't matter.

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Maxum Man would help her, so I'm going to help her.

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That's what real heroes do.

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Boring.

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I'm heading to the boom room.

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It's no time for games!

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Uh, it's no time for girls.

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It's always time for games.

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Video games are the answer to everything.

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Wait! Trevor, you're brilliant!

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Huh, I know, right?

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Check me foot-eating these chips.

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-Kitty.

-'Eric?

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'Eric! We need your help!'

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-Oh, no.

-'No, we don't!'

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THEY SCREAM

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MASTER Xox CACKLES

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-BLEEP

-OK...ahem.

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'Maybe I could use a little help.'

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MASTER Xox CACKLES

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One distraction is coming up.

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Initiating Party Programme, Version 4.0 -

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dance, baby, dance!

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-INDIAN DANCE MUSIC

-# Vah-ta-pah-nah-neh-tey par-tay-too... #

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What?

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What's happening?

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What's going on?

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-Waahh!

-THUD

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Yyyyaah!

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Take that,

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and this,

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and some of those.

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You know that's a toy, right?

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And that I'm a master supervillain?

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Would you stop that?

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I have a very special way to deal with you.

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Yeeeow.

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Ha-ha! I love yarn.

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No need to hide, I won't hurt you.

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I just want the mansion, its weapons...

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and to hurt you!

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HE CACKLES

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Ohhh! I hope he doesn't find us.

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What's wrong with your voice?

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It's part of the plan.

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-He has to think we're defenceless, so...

-Hey, Xox!

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We're waiting!

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I'm going to enjoy this.

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Show yourselves, sidekicks.

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Why can he not just be opening the door, for once?

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Ooh, matching outfits!

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I'm SO scared(!)

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Brain, as Maxum Man's real sidekick,

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I'm ordering you to dial up the danger level to 11.

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Yes, sir! With pleasure, sir!

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Hey, Xox.

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I'm back.

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Gah!

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LASER FIRE

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Wahhhhh...

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Umpf!

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INDIAN DANCE MUSIC

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So you weren't Maxum Man's first choice as sidekick.

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So what? Look at it this way -

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if I ever get maimed in a horrific accident,

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-you're next in line.

-Don't give me any ideas, Needles.

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You were so cute, Eric! I mean, awesome. You were awesome.

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Perhaps I have judged you too harshly, Eric.

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And to show how much confidence in you I now have,

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I have upgraded your permanent security clearance...

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All right!

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..to the second lowest level.

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Agh!

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You know what, Brain?

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It's pretty good to be a sidekick again.

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Yeeeow.

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He-he-he!

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