Suit of Harms Sidekick

# We are Splitsboro kids and we go to Sidekick School

# Learning to be second best while playing by the rules

# Maxum Man is missing

# Now we rule the school

# Flying, smashing, bashing, stomping, looking super cool

# I'm a sidekick, sidekick - that's the life for me

# Half-sized superzeros with full-sized, super dreams

# Sidekick, sidekick What an awesome gig!

# Just like superheroes

# Just like superzeros

# But only half as big

# Sidekick! #

BELL RINGS

Attention, class.

I would like to introduce my latest sidekick training device.

Aargh.

-Ooh, ooh, ooh.

-What, Herr Needles?

You can't be complaining already, you don't even know what it is yet.

Er, it's not that.

I was just wondering, isn't it kind of dangerous for him to be here?

Maxum Mutt's the school mascot, Eric. Where else should he be?

DOG GROWLS AND BARKS

Ah!

Aw.

If you are done petting the puppy, we continue with the class!

I present the sidekick-apult!

FANFARE

What do we get to shoot? A spiky ball? A ball with spiky spikes?

Ooh, ooh, a spike with volleyballs?

Actually, it fires sidekicks. Hence the name.

Cool. Spiky sidekicks.

A volunteer.

Wait, I'm not volunteering.

I wanted to say that this looks dangerous.

Three, two, one, go!

Aaah!

Argh!

Sandpaper? Really?

Ha-ha. My idea.

My turn.

BELLS RINGS

DOG GROWLS

Aw. He likes you.

Erm, why did you move his cage into the class, right beside me again?

Because he is Maxum Man's dog and you are Maxum Man's sidekick.

Also, it's fun to watch you squirm.

WHISTLING

-Hoot, hoot.

-Danke.

OK, students, it seems like we have a special guest today -

the Minister of Sidekick Safety.

Good morning, class.

Recently I've received many complaints about sidekicks

being bludgeoned, throttled, pummelled, poked

and even catapulted.

It is my task to see that this abuse stops.

Um, isn't that our job?

You can't say sidekick without kick.

Or side or ideki. What?

That's a word.

Little girl, sidekicks do not have to put their lives in danger,

which is why from now on you will all be wearing

the sidekick safety suit.

ALL: Whoa.

ALL: Oh.

We have to wear that? It's going to clash with my...

everything. This is because of all your complaints, isn't it?

Me, complain? About all the crazy stuff we have to do? Never.

No complaining from me. Yes. No way.

DOG GROWLS

Students, I feel your lack of pain.

You are future sidekicks, strong and proud.

This is disgraceful!

OK, don't panic.

Just rock and rock and rock until... Zzz.

This is ridiculous.

What's the point if I can't slam and,

more importantly, injure my opponent?

These suits are awesome.

Er, Vana.

Aah!

Wow.

This actually isn't so bad. It's kind of relaxing.

-Argh!

-DOG WHIMPERS

HE GIGGLES

Oh, man, rolling is so much better than walking.

Oh, what in the world are those?

These are our new, awesome protection suits.

How are you going to be representing the great Maxum Man looking like...

that?

Hey, take it up with the Minister of Sidekick Safety.

Now for some cartoons.

Do not be changing my channel.

And I have never heard of this unheard-of

Minister of Sidekick Safety.

Oh, he's only the most important

administrative official in sub-sector D-zone eight.

I mean, he's the one who got us these awesome suits.

We'll just see about that.

See, look, you found his website. I told you he was important.

Why are there pop-up ads for Xox's company on his page?

Well, anyone can buy advertising.

Hmm. It says his office is located in the Xox headquarters building.

-Very convenient.

-Now, that's just coincidence.

Hey, this site has a live webcam.

Really, Brute, a live webcam?

That seems like something you should probably warn me about next time.

Fine. The Minister is Xox and that makes all these suits evil.

Blah, blah, blah.

Now for some cartoons.

Hey, everybody, the Minister of Sidekick Safety is really Master Xox.

Or maybe you're so embarrassed that your complaining got us

trapped in these ridiculous suits that you're making up crazy stories.

No, he's totally Xox.

Why would Xox give us these suits?

CLANG

Oh, that's why.

CLANG

Eek. Xox locked us in these suits.

No way I'm keeping this thing on all year.

It isn't even my colour.

SIREN BLARES

Security breach! It's Xox and his henchmen.

Let's get 'em.

Hee-hee-hee. Ha-ha-ha.

You snivelling do-gooders have the most dangerous

weapon in the world and you don't even know it.

Well, soon, it will be mine, all mine.

For it is I,

Master Xox!

Guess you figured that one out already, huh?

Psst, Minister dude, I think those henchmen work for Xox.

Well, at least he inherited my e-vile-ness.

Now, where was I?

Right. The ultimate weapon! Maxum Mutt!

DOG GROWLS AND BARKS

I so told you guys Maxum Mutt was dangerous,

but no, you guys were all, like, "We love Maxum Mutt."

He's the cutest puppy ever.

We never said that.

Can I take the dog now?

Absolutely.

Needles!

I mean, not if I stop you first!

Touche!

You're going to regret this!

I told you this has nothing to do with my complaints.

Ha! So you did complain.

Blood rushing to head.

EVIL LAUGHTER

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

No-one can control the Maxum Mutt except for Maxum Man.

Really?

Well, what if I had

a canine control chip?

When I implant this chip, Xox Mutt will be mine.

We'll destroy cities, countries. Hee-hee-hee!

OK, programming canine control chip for slobber reduction.

When I get out of this, I'm going to take out Xox, then Eric,

then Xox's henchmen, then Eric again.

Why do I get taken out twice?

Hey, guys, check it out. Monkey boy!

Trevor, how did you get up there?

I do not remember.

Guys, give me a push. I think I know how to get back into the school.

Ow, ow. I swallowed grass. Ow.

All right. Good teamwork, guys. Trevor, when I say jump, you...

Body slam!

CRASH

Aah!

OK, time for plan B.

SCREAMING

Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.

EVIL LAUGHTER

You're just in time to meet my new, all-powerful weapon.

Behold...

Xox Mutt.

You're still not done cutting the bars?

Uh?

You have a lot to learn about timing.

You're through, Xox.

Let's play ball.

Strike!

-What are you doing?

-Mixing in a little tetherball.

Eric, the dog.

He's almost cut through the cage. I've got to stop him.

BANG

BIRDS TWEET

Wow. The blast did not damage the cage.

You actually did something right for once.

CLANG, CLANG

DOG BARKS, THEY SCREAM

This was a great idea. Maxum Mutt isn't dangerous at all.

He just wanted to play.

Ja, just a few hundred more fetches and he will be ready for nappies.

Who's ready for nappies? You're ready for nappies.

Oh, come on. Again?

How many times? Is this because I complained?

-It's because I complained, isn't it?

-You think?

I'm going to lodge a complaint about this.

Whoa!

BARKING AND LAUGHTER