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Lights, Camera, Sidekick Action Sidekick

Lights, Camera, Sidekick Action

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# We are Splitsboro kids And we go to Sidekick School

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# Learning to be second best While playing by the rules

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# Maxum Man is missing Now we rule the school

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# Flying, smashing, bashing stuff And looking super cool!

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# I'm a Sidekick! Sidekick! That's the life for me

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# Half-sized super zeros With full-sized super dreams!

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# I'm a Sidekick! Sidekick! What an awesome gig

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# Just like superheroes Just like super zeros

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# But only half as big! SIDEKICK! #

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TREVOR AND KITTY STRAIN

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TREVOR FARTS

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Trevor?

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I don't think this is a very good idea.

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Why?

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-Ha!

-AAAARRRGGGHHH!

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I see your point.

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Attention! I have very exciting news.

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Enrolment is at an all-time low.

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That IS exciting!

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Ze Academy has decided to invest

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in a brand-new television commercial.

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Ze old one is not so good any more

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and we watch now.

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STRAINING

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ARRGGHH!

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Hey, kids. Do you like to save lives

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while a hero takes all the credit?

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Thank you, Maxum Man.

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Then YOU'VE got what it takes to be a Sidekick!

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Welcome to the Sidekick Academy -

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the school of tomorrow, today.

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At the Academy, you'll receive rigorous physical train...

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WHOA! WHAAAAA!

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You'll also utilise the latest super training techniques.

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And you'll even receive on-the-job training with an actual super!

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HA-HOO-HOO-HA-HA!

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AAARRRGGHH!

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Come on down to the Sidekick Academy

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and we'll make all your mediocre dreams come true.

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I'm OK.

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Now, one of you sidekicks will become ze new face of ze Academy.

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You will be a star, you will be famous,

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you will even get paid minimum wage!

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To make it all happen,

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welcome hotshot TV director

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Kip Weasel.

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CHEERING

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Ssh!

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BOOING

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Mr Weasel, I'm Eric Needles.

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You know, Maxum Man's sidekick?

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Obviously, I'm the logical choice to be in video.

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BOOING

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Interesting, interesting.

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I like what I'm hearing.

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I'm looking for a fresh face.

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A face that makes kids think,

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"If that's doofus can be a sidekick, then I can, too!"

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Auditions are after school.

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Auditions?! For my part?!

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You'll get your shot, kid. Just be better looking, like that kid.

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Me! This is all so sudden!

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My hair must look a fright.

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No, not you. The kid I'm actually pointing at...

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I, Allan Amazing,

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am honoured to be singled out so early in the process

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for my amazing good looks.

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THEY BOTH SIGH

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All right, mouth breeders, here's how the auditions work...

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It's in three parts -

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1) Performing under pressure.

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2) Showing emotion

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3) I want to some serious sidekick action.

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CLAPPING

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Bravo, Sir!

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I'm sure you'll be blown away by my Sidekick skills

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in my truly unnecessary audition.

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I'll just get the door for you.

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CRASHING

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ALARM BLARES OW-OW-OW!

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O-O-OW!

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Ta-da!

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Mr Weasel, may I say you look simply amazing!

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As do I. Come, let's walk.

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Oh, delightful.

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Allan, what is that accent? Dutch?

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SPANISH ACCENT: "Oh, Mr Weasel, you look amazing!"

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No way am I letting Allan Annoying take MY part!

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Don't worry about beating Allan.

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Really? I knew you'd come around eventually.

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Uh... I meant that I'M going to get the part.

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I'll show Weasel I don't need to audition.

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It's all about star power.

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Kitty, my first appointment?

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You've got a mani-pedi-opti-ortho appointment at 3.45.

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Haul my limo cycle around.

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Sure, being her assistant has its bad points,

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but I get to peddle.

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Hmm...

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I like pedalling.

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Plus I have a pair of mirrored sunglasses

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AND a phone!

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Eric, baby, say hello to your new agent.

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ME!

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Now give me 10 percent of everything you own!

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Welcome to the audition - part one.

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Glad you could all make it!

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Oh, heh-heh-heh-heh.

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Yeah, I'm not auditioning. I'm Eric's agent.

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I'd like to talk to you about his contract - it clearly says...

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Clearly you don't understand the concept of an audition!

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Your client doesn't have the part yet.

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Clearly you don't understand

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how little I understand about anything.

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And I'm not going to stay here and listen to this.

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Good day, Sir.

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Oh, right! Time to weed out the nobodies.

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Let's see how you handle some pressure,

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like re-entering Earth's atmosphere. Who's first?

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I'll show you what nobody I'm not!

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Whoa!

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GAAAAAAH!

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Um... Not to question your amazing logic, but...

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how are you going to get the part without an audition?

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Duh! With a Chihuahua.

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Make one!

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CRASHING

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Right, to those who weren't cut and survived,

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welcome to part two of the audition.

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I'm going to randomly select cards from this stack

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and you have to express the emotions.

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Allan, go!

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Angry, sad, handsome.

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Ge-e-eniu-u-us!

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Nausea, ennui, discomfort.

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Eric, go!

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OK, OK, I can do this.

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Don't worry, buddy, I know how to do discomfort.

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I'll be right back.

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I don't see nausea!

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Look at me! You're making me sick! That's nausea.

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I'll give you one last shot. One card, here we go!

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Show me total and utter calm and serenity.

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Now!

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Trevor, no, don't!

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Serenity.

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Look at that face.

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Total calm.

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I feel like a monk eating clouds.

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Moving o-o-on!

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ALARM BEEPS

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OK, time's up on your super industrial teeth whitening strips.

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Let's see those pearly whites and get you to that audition.

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Not white enough. Ten more minutes.

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All right, remaining meatbags,

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time for the third and most important part of the audition -

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the obstacle course.

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You'll get the chance to show how you handle the abuse,

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pain and humiliation

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that is the very essence of being a sidekick.

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Laser bees, ready!

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Go!

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Laser bees, come and get me!

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ELECTRIC WHIRRING

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Or not.

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ARRGGHH-OW!

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Hello, my buzzing little friends.

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Your beautiful colours, they are simply amazing.

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Those wimpy bees are no match for you, dude!

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Wah-oh.

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ARGH! ARGH! ARGH!

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Hmm... Kip likes.

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Eugh. Next, nothing like explosions to make a sidekick look good.

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Don't worry, I'll get you out of here, buddy!

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No, Trevor, I want to blow up!

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I've got to win this thing!

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ARRGGH!

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ARGH-HA-HA!

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I can take it.

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I can take it.

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Oh-ho-ho,

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interesting.

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So, I say, "Either you've got X-ray vision,

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"or the invisible girl is hiding around here someplace."

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Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Funny story. 100 percent true.

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We kind of have to go if you want to make your grand entrance.

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Giddy-up, big ears! Whoa!

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Yes!

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Yes!

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The king of beasts.

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True the lion claims the title,

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but we both know who truly rules.

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It's you, that's who!

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Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Yeah.

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All right, I've seen enough!

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I'll review the footage and make my final decision.

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A-A-And...done!

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I won't lie to you, that was not easy.

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OK, I lied. It was easy.

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Say hello to your new sidekick spokesperson!

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Trevor Troublemeyer!

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-ELEPHANT TRUMPS

-What?! Me?!

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I can never tell who you're pointing to.

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Him?! This is outrageous!

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Well, he may have the part, but he can never have...

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-this!

-CROWD SIGHS

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Breathtaking!

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-You're still out.

-But that's not fair!

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HE WAILS

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How can Trevor win? He wasn't even auditioning!

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That's showbiz, kid.

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But, I have to say, you really can take a hit!

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Eric, I want to hire you to be Trevor's stunt double.

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A stuntman?! Hmm...

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Stuntmen are awesome! Yes!

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Your starlet's here

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and in a surprising, but still cliched twist,

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is ready to be discovered!

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I don't know who you are,

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but YOU, robo dog,

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I can make you a star!

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Kip out.

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You're fired!

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OK. A-A-And...

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action!

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Cut! Beautiful! Bring in the stunt double!

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OK. A-A-And...

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action!

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Hi. I'm Trevor... Trevor Troublemeyer

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-and I...

-Cue the monkey!

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Monkey? ARGH!

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..and I love...

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being a sidekick!

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