Little Orphan Eric Sidekick


Little Orphan Eric

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# We are Splitsboro kids and we go to Sidekick School

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# Learning to be second best while playing by the rules

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# Maxum Man is missing Now we rule the school

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# Flying, smashing, bashing stuff and looking super cool

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# I'm a sidekick, sidekick - that's the life for me

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# Half-sized super zeros with full-sized super dreams

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# Sidekick, sidekick What an awesome gig!

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-# Just like superheroes

-Just like superzeros

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# But only half as big! Sidekick! #

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LIGHTNING STRIKES

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Needles! What are we doing here?

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My former headmistress said the orphanage is checking up on me,

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so please don't say anything bad, OK?

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You actually lived in this dump?

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Er... yeah.

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THUNDER RUMBLES

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Huh?

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Hmm...

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Ha-ha-ha!

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I, for sure, deserved that.

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-Hello?

-KITTY'S VOICE ECHOES

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Eric, it's deserted.

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THEY SCREAM

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I am Meredith Mushpickle, headmistress here

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at Mushpickle's Home for Parentally-challenged Youth.

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Welcome back, Eric.

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Erm, OK.

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-Eric!

-HE GASPS

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Glenn!

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BOTH: Secret handshake!

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THEY MAKE ODD NOISES

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BOTH: Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy!

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THEY SNORE

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And... done!

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Oh, brother.

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Come on, we're orphans. We had a lot of time to kill.

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Glenn, this is Vana.

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Kitty.

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Trevor.

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Trevor's dad.

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And Professor Pamplemoose.

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Nice to meet all of you.

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Dude, you've got to see my room.

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-What's with the power hugs?

-Ugh...

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He has some... abandonment issues.

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Banana mint shoes?

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He fears people leaving him. Just don't say goodbye.

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Never, under any circumstance...

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Ever.

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Well? What do you think?

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Hmm...

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Wow, not creepy at all.

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I... don't know what to say.

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Yeah, I knew you'd like it.

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You know, I really missed you, buddy.

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I know, Glenn.

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Hey! Off! Off!

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Aha!

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How does she do that?

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Interview time!

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And for Eric's sake, let's hope I get the answers I want.

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Move!

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TREVOR SCREAMS

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Bye, Glenn!

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Oops...

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Get him off! Get him off!

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Don't go! Please, don't go!

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OK, just hold still.

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One...

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Two...

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Argh!

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Sweet!

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First, tell me how Eric is adjusting to life in Splitsboro.

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Oh, Eric's fitting in great.

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I think at first it was weird for him

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being pummelled by a girl every day but he's getting used to it.

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His grades? Is shtinktastic a word?

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How about poopvolting?

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So, the unicorn is like...

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HE ROARS

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But Eric wouldn't give back his wallet.

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I keep telling him we're too young to run away to Doughnut Island

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and that Doughnut Island isn't a real place but he's such a romantic!

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Oh, sure, he's a bit rambunctious

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and slow-witted

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and ill-mannered

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and potty-mouthed and smelly and weak,

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but then, who isn't at that age?

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Thank you Mr Troublemeyer.

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Please send in a Master XOX.

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HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

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Ahem. Eric Needles will be destroyed!

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Do I like Eric?

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Do you know how to spell "meh"?

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I'm working on a computer programme that will allow me

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to digitally capture Eric's entire being so I can carry him around with me wherever I go.

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So, yes. Yes, I like him.

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Who are we talking about again?

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No, I actually despise him. A lot.

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I believe I was promised a Danish.

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How'd it go?

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Don't worry, bud. It went awesome, right?

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-Fo' sho'.

-Yeah.

-Whatever.

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I have Danish in my teeth.

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HE SIGHS

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Hey!

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Aha! Flunking school?

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Fighting unicorns?

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What are we going to do with you?

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Piano lessons!

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No, wait. Horseshoes!

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Enough! Eric's life in Splitsboro is fraught with danger.

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His school is a substandard deathtrap

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and his friends are of low moral character.

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And...?

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Eric stays.

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The rest of you...

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Get out of my orphanage!

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THEY GASP

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Eric's staying? Yay!

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No! You actually think you can keep Eric away from us?

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We're sidekicks and we do not leave one of our own behind.

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Bring it on!

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But first, perhaps we should review Normalton's rules

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and regulations on sidekicking.

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Well, I'll be...

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Engaging in any sidekick activity in the town of Normalton

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is punishable by...

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..volunteering at the local pool!

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-Well, good luck, dude.

-I'll wait for you.

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I won't.

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What? You can't just leave me here!

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Sorry, man. Is there a pool around here?

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Wait! Don't leave me here!

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So, mystery loaf for supper?

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Noooo!

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Argh!

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Argh!

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Huh? Argh!

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-Rod Lightningrod?

-Here.

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-Becky Manchin? DEEP VOICE:

-Present.

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Eric Needles?

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Eric Needles?

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Eric Needles?

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Eric... HE BAWLS

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Trevor's right! We've got to rescue Eric.

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Nothing should stand in our way, not even volunteering!

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CLASSROOM GASPS

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Who's coming with us? Huh?

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Erm...

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Hmm...

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Fine, I'm in!

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Isn't it great being back where you belong? With me?

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No, Glenn, it is not great being back here, not at all!

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-Then why don't we try to escape?

-You mean you want me to escape?

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Wait! I've got an idea!

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How would you like to be MY sidekick and help me bust out of here?

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So that's a yes?

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WHISPERS: I can't see anything.

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Hold on, I'll get the light.

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THEY SCREAM

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Man, she's good.

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And...

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We're going to make it!

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Oh, no, you're not! Ha-ha-ha!

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I'm getting out of here, Mushpickle, and if I can't be a sidekick,

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then we'll just had to settle this the old-fashioned way.

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DRAMATIC PIANO PLAYING

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-Whoa!

-And so ends the escape of Eric Needles! Ha-ha-ha!

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Wait! All right, you win.

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I can't escape. I'm going to be stuck in this orphanage forever.

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HE CRIES

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You've been a great friend to me.

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You're the best sidekick a guy could ever have.

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Goodbye!

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HE WHIMPERS

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Please don't go!

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Get off of me!

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Almost there!

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You're mine, Needles!

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Forever. Nothing, nothing can help you! Ha-ha-ha!

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Oh...

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Yeah!

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Whoo-hoo! Hop in, buddy!

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Come on!

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Thanks, guys.

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I knew you wouldn't let me down. That's what friends are all about.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah... I got to drive a tank, Eric!

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I got to drive a tank!

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Oh, no, you don't!

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SHE THUMPS ON TANK

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Excuse me, I think someone's at the door.

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No, Trevor, don't!

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Yello?

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THEY SCREAM

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I told you I'd get you, Needles. You are mine!

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Oh, no, you don't! He's our friend and we're taking him home!

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-Yeah!

-Yeah!

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Can we hurry this up?

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Home? What home?

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He has no parents, no structure, no supervision.

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Don't you see?

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Splitsboro is a violent and scary place.

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Being a sidekick is dangerous.

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Eric would be much safer here with me.

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Much happier here.

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I just want what's best for poor, little orphan Eric.

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SHE SOBS

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THEY SOB

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Maybe she's right.

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Maybe I would be better off here in Normalton.

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Maybe we all...would!

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Firing Mush!

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SHE SCREAMS

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Yes!

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-Trevor!

-What?

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I felt a mushy, huggy moment coming on.

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Nothing like firing off a tank to break that up! Ha!

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Thanks, Glenn, for all your help. I guess this is goodbye.

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Looks like you're over your abandonment issues.

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And you make a pretty good sidekick.

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Yeah, I'm a sidekick now!

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Er...

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Huh? What are these?

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Duh!

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It's his banana mint shoes!

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HE SNIFFS

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These bananas don't smell like mint...

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