House of Helmut Sidekick


House of Helmut

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# We are Splitsboro kids and we go to Sidekick School

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# Learning to be second best while playing by the rules

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# Maxum Man is missing Now we rule the school

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# Flying, smashing, bashing stuff and looking super cool

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# I'm a sidekick, sidekick - that's the life for me

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# Half-sized super zeros with full-sized super dreams

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# Sidekick, sidekick What an awesome gig!

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# Just like superheroes Just like superzeros

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# But only half as big! Sidekick! #

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Now, we demonstrate ze proper method

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of catching explosive projectiles in ze teeth, ja?

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Wait! Isn't there another way?

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-Ja, there is another way.

-Who says school isn't fun?

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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RINGING

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Go for Pamper.

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An emergency blind date?

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You have no other options?

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So you're stuck with me no matter what?

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Yee-haa!

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AH!

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Hm-mm. But first I must fix one little problem.

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Gulp!

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House-sitting?!

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-That's what Pamplemoose wants us to do while he's on his blind date?

-Ew!

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This house looks like it smells like it tastes like barf.

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Ah! I see you are admiring my home, ja?

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I inherited it from my great grandfather, Helmut Pamplemoose.

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Argh-woo-oo!

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In fact, sometimes late at night, he still wanders through the halls.

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Well, got to go. I'll be back by morning.

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-Hey! What are you doing?

-I know you vill vant to order pizza!

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I detest pizza stains!

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-TREVOR:

-Oh, man! Now I totally want pizza.

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He was kidding about his grandfather's ghost, right?

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-He doesn't really walk the halls?

-Aw.

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Poor wittle Ewic isn't afraid of ghosts, is he?

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It all started on my birthday at the orphanage.

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BOO!

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YARGH!

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Waa-ha-ha-ha-aa!

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I still say a birthday clown is more traditional.

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Eric, ghosts aren't real.

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Zombies, vampires and werewolves, now those are real. But ghosts...!

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Hah! Grow up.

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HE WHIMPERS

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Argh-woo-oo!

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"Pamplemoose house rules.

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"No exploring, no touching, no running, no walking,

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"no sitting, no poking anything with sticks..."

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This thing is eight pages long!

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I'm bored. Let's touch and poke things with sticks while running.

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Hee-hee-hee!

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Yargh-ha-ha-ha!

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I'm riding an ottoman.

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What's an ottoman?

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-Argh-ha-ha!

-CRASHING

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CHIMING Ghost!

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-Eric, that was the clock.

-Oh, right. Ah-ha!

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I'm so not completely terrified.

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One totally harmless clock slide coming up.

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A-aa-hh!

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Oops!

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-Think Pamplemoose will notice?

-Nah. That will buff right out.

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Hey! There's a pool down there.

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Ha-ha-ha, good thing I brought my trunks.

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-How did you know to wear a swimsuit?

-I didn't.

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I was out of clean underwear today.

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And yesterday.

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And every day.

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-You coming, Eric?

-I don't have any trunks.

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Just borrow some of Pamplemoose's.

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Huh!

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Who would want to swim in that?

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Cannonb-a-a-a-ll!

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-BOTH:

-Argh!

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HE HUMS

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You realise I'm going to have to pummel you, right?

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That sounds fair.

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Mm-mm. Pamplemoose sure has some weird stuff in his fridge.

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This ooze...delicious.

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That must be Pamplemoose's mum.

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Or dad.

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Or dog.

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So lifelike.

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Even the nose hairs look real.

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Ah-ha-ha. Hey, guys, check out this sculpture.

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-What are you talking about?

-Huh?

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But it was... Wait a second... G-G-G...

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-I think I just saw Pamplemoose's grandfather's ghost.

-Again?

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I know you're starved for attention but...

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That may be true, but I'm telling the truth. I saw Grandpa Helmut.

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You believe me, don't you, Kitty?

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I believe IN you Eric. There's a difference.

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We already told you there's no such things as ghosts.

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Ah, maybe you're right.

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It just seemed so real.

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The waxy skin, the yellow teeth,

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I can still smell the sour stink of his ghost breath.

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Man, my imagination is really working overtime.

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E-E-Eric.

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GROANING

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Eric!

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-There's that crazy imagination again.

-Eric, we see it, too.

-You do?

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Eric, THAT'S A REAL GHOST!

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GROANING

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Gross.

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Oh, right.

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And...RUN!

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Gr-gr-hh-gg-nn!

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-THEY GASP

-We're trapped!

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We're stuck here with the ghost? A big, scary, going-to-eat-us ghost?

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What are we going to do, what are we going to do-oo-oo?!

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-BOTH:

-Ahh!

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Woo-argh-argh!

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Argh-ha-ha-ha!

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-BOTH:

-Waa-aa-aah!

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Hgn-nyah!

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Oink!

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Done! No way he's getting through that, right, Trevor?

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Zz-zz-zz...

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Zz-zz-zz-choo...

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-Ahem.

-Zz-zz-zz...

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-Trevor!

-Argh! What?!

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How can you sleep with a ghost out there?

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He's from beyond the grave, Trevor, beyond the grave!

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Dude, relax. If he's a ghost he can't touch you, right?

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Hey, you're right.

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RATTLING Ah!

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HE WHIMPERS

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-We barricaded the closet.

-Woo-woo-woo-waa-waa!

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Wait. If he's a ghost, how can he turn the doorknob?

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Can't talk, screaming.

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ARGH!

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Woo-waa!

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Gah!

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Woo-woo-waa-waa!

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OO-oo-oo-aa!

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-BOTH:

-A-a-argh!

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Oof!

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-What are you guys doing here?

-What does it look like?

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We're hiding from the ghost.

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Then you can relax. We left him in our dust.

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Woo-woo-woo!

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He must have followed Eric's trail of scaredy farts!

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Trevor!

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-Woo-woo-waa!

-ALL:

-Argh!

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-Ahhh!

-Ah-ha-ha!

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-Woo-waa!

-Ah!

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Wa-aa-rgh!

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Wa-aa-ah!

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-ALL:

-Argh!

-Woo-oo-oo-oo!

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-ALL:

-Arghh!

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Wait!

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"No running by the pool."

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Gr-argh-argh.

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-ALL:

-Waa-aah!

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Woo-oo-oo-waa!

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PANTING

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Yargh!

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-Ah-ha-ah-ha!

-Woo-oo-oo waa-aa-y!

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PANTING

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Are you sure he can't get up here?

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Duh. Ghosts can't climb, remember?

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-Right. But can't they fly?

-How should I know? What am I, a bumblebee?

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-BOTH:

-Ahh!

-Woo-woo-woo!

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-The girls are in trouble, we have to do something.

-Got it.

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Hg-nn!

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-Gah!

-BOTH:

-Wa-aa-aah!

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-Woo-oo-oo!

-Ugh.

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-Oops.

-No-one hurts Vana or Katy.

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-Kitty.

-Whatever.

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I'm coming, Vana!

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What are you doing?

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I'm going to unhitch this chain, use it to swing across the room,

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grab the girls and swing back to safety.

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Gahh!

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-Yargh!

-Woo-oo waa-waa!

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COUGHING

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Quick! Wrap him in chains, roll him up in the carpet

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and toss him in the freezer!

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-THEY STRAIN

-Argh!

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Ha-ha-ha!

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-The sun's coming up.

-Yay!

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Eurgh.

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-Ah!

-It's morning!

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La-da-da-da! Good morning, children.

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I trust your night was as wunderbar as mine, ja?

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Did Helmut give you any trouble with his pills?

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-With his what?

-His pills.

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He always needs help with the childproof cap.

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It's on my list, did you not see it?

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So Helmut's not...a ghost?

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A ghost? As if.

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His heart's as strong as a horse.

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In fact, it is the heart of a horse.

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Now, where is he?

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Quick! Wrap him in chains, roll him up in the carpet

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-and toss him in the freezer.

-Argh!

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-Argh-woo!

-Ga-ah! Oo-ooh!

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