I, Sidebot Sidekick

# We are Splitsboro kids and we go to Sidekick School

# Learning to be second best while playing by the rules

# Maxum Man is missing Now we rule the school

# Flying, smashing, bashing stuff and looking super cool

# I'm a sidekick, sidekick that's the life for me

# Half-sized super zeros with full-sized super dreams

# Sidekick, sidekick what an awesome gig

# Just like superheroes Just like superzeros

# But only half as big! Sidekick! #

BELL RINGS

Now, class, we have a guest speaker with a very special announcement.

Please be rocket underwear. Please be rocket underwear.

-ALL:

-Ooh! Boo!

Good morning, sidekicks.

Today, I am excited to share with you a technological breakthrough

which will change the world of sidekicks for ever.

-ALL:

-Yay!

No longer will you risk life and limb assisting supers.

-I'm listening.

-No longer will you be pummelled, beaten and blown up.

-# Hey! #

-Sing it to me, brother!

Behold, the future...

Please be rocket underwear!

..of sidekicking.

Laser-operated individual digital sidekicks -

the LOIDS.

Hm.

PAMPLEMOOSE: You are all obsolete.

The Sidekick Academy is closed

for ever!

SIGHING

Freedom!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

I'll never have to get beaten in the name of sidekicking again!

Well, that's fine for you, Needles, but I was born to be a sidekick.

It's my one and only dream.

And if the school closes, when will I see you?

-Don't worry, you can still drop by the mansion.

-Hm.

You got it!

No way. I won't stand for this.

No machine can replace me!

Ya!

Think fast!

Oh, they're good.

PAMPLEMOOSE: I just want to tell you all

how much I'm not going to miss you.

I'm not going to miss you,

or you,

or, really, any of you.

Good riddance.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

ERIC: High five, everyone.

He-he-he, yeah!

Ugh.

He-he-he-ha-ha.

Ow!

Come on, this is a great day. No more sidekick school.

No more painful tests to fail.

No more putting our lives in danger.

Then again...if I'm not a sidekick,

I won't be able to live in the Maxum Mansion any more

and I guess I'll have to go back to the orphanage.

I'll lose everything.

Those robots have got to go! Who's with me?

Once again, I'm talking to nobody.

KNOCKING

Hey! Maxum Brain, open up.

We need to get rid of the LOIDS

before they ruin everything for everyone,

especially me!

Also, we've got to fix this door.

Since you are no longer a sidekick,

you can no longer be staying in the mansion.

-But I thought maybe you could help me...

-Oh, what is that I'm hearing?

Oh, yes, the sound of someone who is leaving. He-he-he!

Fine, I get it. I'll just take my things and go.

Actually, all of your things were replicated here in the mansion

and are property of Maxum Corp.

I'll be taking them back and then we'll be giving them to the orphans.

But I am the orphans!

Hey!

Ah-ha-ha.

CRASHING Argh!

Fine. They can take my job, my home, even my clothes,

but they can't take away my dignity.

Ah-ha-ha.

Ye-ee-s?

A-a-argh!

Trevor, what happened? You grew an evil goatee?

Nah. It's liquorice.

Want some? My chin sweat makes it salty.

Mm-mm, yum!

Hey, want to see some cool stuff I invented since the school closed?

The super-fun skin melting ray,

the sparkly bone crusher

and...the funday device.

Don't point that at me, it's a doomsday device.

-No, it's a funday device.

-What does it do?

Spread doom, but in a fun way.

See?

Hi, Eric. Whoa!

-Oops.

-All these gadgets are totally evil.

-Yeah, right.

Next you'll tell me my pet gargoyle collection is evil, too.

GROWLING

Anywho... You want to help me get rid of the LOIDS

so we can go back to being sidekicks again?

-Sure. What's a LOID?

-Meow! >

And where can I get a garbage bag pantsuit like yours?

It's divine.

O-oo-oo-m.

KNOCKING

Vana?

Oh, hey, guys.

O-oo-oo-m.

Wow.

You're a lot calmer than I thought you'd be

after the whole LOID takeover thing.

Er, we thought you'd be a little more...tense.

I thought I would be, too, but, you know,

I've really grown and found my centre

by doing normal, non-sidekick stuff.

I've been doing a little light reading...

..knitting,

making exact replicas of LOIDS.

Ha-ha-ha!

Keeping busy.

Vana, would you like to get rid of those robots?

The robots that took away your chance to be a hero.

The robots that ruined your life.

Would you like to do that with us? Huh?

Would you?

A-aa-aa-rgh!

Huh-uh!

Ga-aa-h!

Ya-argh!

Yes, I believe I would.

Those robots don't stand a chance.

Wow, they had such a ginormous chance.

-Totally.

-Yuh-huh.

-Fo' sho.

Curse these brutal mechanical marvels!

-Ah, thanks.

-We don't stand a chance, the LOIDS are amazing sidekicks.

< Sidekicks maybe...

But they're no match for full-blown superheroes.

-ALL:

-Yeah!

Wow. They're so much more than a match for full-blown superheroes.

I know.

MURMURS OF AGREEMENT

There's only one thing left to do.

Invent yoghurt shoes?

-Dibs on rhubarb.

-No.

If we want our old jobs back,

we've got to go into the very heart of darkness,

where heroes dare not tread.

You mean like the Congo?

The horror, the horror.

No. We need to go to the evil side of town

and call upon the worst supervillain the world has ever known.

HE PLAYS A CHORD

Oh, visitors! I'm all atwitter.

Xox?

What happened to you?

I am a changed man.

VANA: Tell me about it.

-XOX:

-Since the LOIDS got rid of all you good guys

and took the fun out of being bad, I decided to retire from evil

and get the old band back together.

DRUM ROLL

Hgn-yah!

Here's our new album. Tell me what you think.

Be honest, but gentle.

MUSIC PLAYS

I think I'm going to be sick, honestly and gently sick!

Are you telling me that the world's greatest super villain

has been defeated by a bunch of goody-goody robotic sidekicks?

I wasn't defeated!

I told you, I retired to pursue my music.

I'm through with all that nasty evil stuff.

You take that back!

Aw, that's too bad, Xox.

We were going to try to destroy the LOIDS.

You know, crush them.

Maim them.

-VANA:

-Blow them up.

Forget it, Eric, sweater vest here wouldn't be interested.

Gr-argh!

Sweater vest?! Argh!

I hate those LOIDS more than I hate pop music and sweaters

and-and tea!

And I really don't like the drum mix

-on the third track of our album, either.

-Totally.

Join me, my villainous brothers,

as we destroy this plague of mechanical goodness

and once again spread evil throughout Splitsboro.

-CHEERING

-I love it!

Now, let's cause some destruction.

He-he-he-ha-ha!

A-aa-rgh! Way ahead of you, dude.

Those LOIDS are going down.

Wow. They did not go down.

MURMURS OF AGREEMENT

-VANA:

-Curse you, LOIDS, and your brutal tyranny.

And thanks.

-So, that's it, we lost.

-It's all over.

I wish we could just pack up,

leave the robots behind and move to a new town.

-ALL:

-Hm-mm...

Argh!

And we shall call new Splitsboro Splitsboro

and never speak of its newness again.

CHEERING

-ERIC: This new city is great.

-Yep, a clean slate.

-A town where heroes can be heroes.

-XOX:

-And villains can be villains.

And sidekicks can be sidekicks.

Hey, wouldn't it be great if we had some kind of cool robots

who could help us out and do our work for us?

-ALL:

-Hm-mm...