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Those Who Can't Teach Sidekick

Those Who Can't Teach

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# We are Splitsboro kids And we go to Sidekick School

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# Learning to be second best While playing by the rules

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# Maxum Man is missing Now we rule the school

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# Flying, smashing, bashing stuff And looking super cool!

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# I'm a Sidekick! Sidekick! That's the life for me

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# Half-sized super zeros With full-sized super dreams!

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# I'm a Sidekick! Sidekick! What an awesome gig

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# Just like super heroes Just like super zeros

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# But only half as big! SIDEKICK! #

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SCHOOL BELL RINGS

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-VANA & KITTY:

-It's test day today!

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It's test day today!

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Tests are the enemy!

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No-one can make us take them! No-one!

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Stop avoiding it, Eric! This test is HAPPENING!

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Check it out, dude,

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she's foaming at the mouth.

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So get ready to fail.

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-BOTH:

-No-o-o!

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She's right.

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Unless we do that thing where we grab the wall's nose and it screams.

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WA-HA-HA-HO!

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Oh, you mean pull the fire alarm.

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Yeah!

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Ah, you've already pulled it 82 times to get out of tests.

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Along with the bowel alarm, the typhoon alarm, the body odour alarm.

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PIG SNIFFS, GRUNTS

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-What's that alarm? BOTH:

-Huh?

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A gravity alarm.

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Sold!

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-Yuh! Yuh-huh-huh. Ha-ha-ha! BOTH:

-Whoa!

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Hey, the planet's not pulling me down any more.

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What's its problem?

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-Gah!

-Woo-hoo!

-Ha-ha-ha!

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Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Awe-some!

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BANG! A-a-ah.

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Zero G pranksters,

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prepare for 100 years of detention!

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Oh-ho-ho-ho!

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Oh, my, this is delightful.

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No! These rabble-rousers must be punished!

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Oh, it's too enjoyable!

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Whee! Oh-ho-ho-ho!

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# La-di-da. #

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Wow, Pomplemoose is almost...

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-fun.

-Ye-e-e-e ha!

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Oof! ALARM BLARES

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-ALL:

-Uh-oh.

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The superintendent has been summoned.

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I can't be seen engaging in school time shenanigans. Nyee.

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-ALL:

-AH!

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BANG!

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Why was I summonsed to this suspicious situation?

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What?! Oh, this alarm?

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Nobody pushed it, no rules broken.

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So who left these Pomplemoose-shaped fingerprints on the alarm?

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Ha-ha-ha hoo-hoo-hoo!

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Grrr.

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I'm fired, aren't I? AREN'T I?

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-Aren't I?

-Yes, yes and yes.

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-Also I'm deporting you.

-To where?

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Wait, you don't mean...

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I do.

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I'm sending you back to your hometown.

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Freaksville!

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No-o-o-o-o!

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That place is a nightmare!

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A nightma-a-a-are!

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That was harsh...

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-ly rewarding. Woo-hoo!

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No more Pomplemoose to ruin my life and everything in it!

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Wicked.

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But-but-but who's going to run the school now?

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I NEED school. We all NEED school, right?

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It will be a long hard search to find someone equally qualified.

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-I'll do it.

-Done.

-What?! She isn't qualified to teach!

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I'll investigate that allegation by hiring a qualified investigator.

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-I'll do it!

-Done.

-What?!

-Done.

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And while I verify your qualifications... Oh, look, grass!

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Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

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-Wargh!

-SMASH!

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Maybe Freaksville isn't as awful as I remember it.

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Wargh!

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Ah!

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A-A-ARGH!

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It's not.

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It's WORSE!

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Oh-ho-ho-ho...

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-SCHOOL BELL RINGS

-I am so excited.

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No more Pomplemoose AND one of my best friends...

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ish...is teaching us.

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Welcome, class. I need a volunteer

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for a How To Catch Spiky Objects.

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-Eric...

-Huh?

-..catch!

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Yeow!

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Hey!

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I didn't volunteer.

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A-A-A-RGH!

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F for the lesson and for not volunteering.

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Next lesson - Escaping A Flaming Costume. Anyone?

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-Oh, oh, me, me, me!

-Me, me, me, me!

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Eric?

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Ooh!

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You mean a different Eric, right?

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-Ah-ha! Wa-ha-ha!

-F minus.

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Vana is WAY worse than Pomplemoose was.

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Only escape from this torture trap is to bring Pomplemoose back.

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I thought our only escape was through a tunnel we've been digging

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under the class using chopsticks?

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SNAP!

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KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

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I will annihilate you!

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It is SO nice to have you back, Pampy.

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We have missed you, old chum.

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-Are you trying to poison me?

-Ha-ha.

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With good neighbouring, you bet.

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In actuality, no. They're oatmeal,

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with the CHUNKY peanut butter chips,

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the ones YOU love.

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Om-nom-nom. Yummy!

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BANG! BANG! BANG!

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You tricked me! Now your face-eating beast will devour my skin!

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-YAP! YAP!

-Oh, Dinky.

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He is just loving him some Pampy.

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He's full of kisses, wet and slobbery ones.

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Could these foul things actually be...

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friendly?

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Time for a lesson called Check Your Head.

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PIG SQUEALS Eric, what's your neck size?

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Eric?

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He and Trevor snuck out.

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Since you're the teacher now, I can't help but betray

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even my closest friends to get a good grade. Hn-hn.

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What? No-one sneaks out of my class!

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Come on, Kitty, time to dole out some PAIN-ishments!

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Whoa!

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Really? The tunnel goes back into the class we're trying to escape?

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That's not where we wanted it to go?

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ERIC SIGHS Bus to Freaksville it is.

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-BOTH:

-Um.

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CHATTERING

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GULP!

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This is Freaksville?

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Where are the constant explosions?

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The laser fights? The acid sprays?

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I can't stand it.

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-AH!

-Now THAT'S how a tunnel is dug.

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THEY BOTH GASP

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We'll never find Pomplemoose's house before Vana gets us!

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BOTH: Oof!

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# La-da-dee dee-da-da da-da-da. #

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An extra coat of paint is an extra coat of love.

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-BOTH:

-Pomplemoose?!

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What happened to you?

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You're even weirder than your usual weird self.

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Off my lawn, punks. My friends and I are about to start a bridge game.

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Yoo-hoo! Come on, Pampy!

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I don't even know what that means.

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Where's the angry pain-giving teacher we all hated?

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-SLURP!

-I got neighbourly.

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Plus lemon-ade is so lovely. Who knew?

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That is true.

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But still, Pomplemoose, we need you back.

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I have a new life now that's better than my old life,

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so you can tell my old life to GET OFF MY LAWN!

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Don't you care about the quality of our educations?

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-Of our lives?

-Meh.

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-Ye-eagh!

-Argh.

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You are SO getting a week's worth of detention!

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See, if you were teaching again,

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you'd give me a month's worth of detention in the sharp object room.

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Don't you care about the quality of our punishments?

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Yes! Oh, I mean, no!

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That "yes" I shouted first was insincere.

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-Nrgh.

-Stop struggling or you're going in the acid vat again.

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And acid vat with no piranhas or sharks?

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That's amateur hour.

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You had your chance to punish students, Pampy.

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-Back off!

-Back on!

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You can ask the superintendent for a second chance.

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Nrgh. Yah!

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-ALARM BLARES ALL:

-Ah!

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Why was I summoned to this...

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Oh, it's this bunch again. Make it fast.

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Sir, Pomplemoose wants his job back.

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No, I don't!

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Because Vana is terrible at it.

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No, I'm not!

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How can we solve this?

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Through brutal combat or peaceful dialogue,

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in the form of brutal combat.

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I don't "brutal combat" any more.

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I lemonade.

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Battle me and you'll see what REAL punishment is, Pampy.

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-Ah!

-I do not take that lip from one of my students.

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-Oh-ho. Former student.

-PIG GRUNTS

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You're right, I don't need this any more,

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we have bridge to play...

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Too late, I'm already wrathed up!

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Ha-a-a-a-a yah!

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Eugh! Ya! Ah!

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Wa-a-a-gh!

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I hadn't put cheese on those yet!

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-Dinky...

-YAP! YAP!

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..bone shower!

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Oh-oh! Yah! Ow!

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Burgers? Dog bones? La-a-ame.

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Where's the black hole power laser cannon when you need one?

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I forgot it at home!

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Ha-ya!

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Uh-oh.

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Argh!

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My white picket fence is ruined!

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Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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You're MOWING down.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Ee-ee-ee-ee!

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Is this a super battle or are they gardening?

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-Nrgh!

-A-a-argh!

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-Woo-hoo-hoo!

-Nyeh!

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Ah!

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Oh, which authority figure is going to win?

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I HAVE to know who to suck up to.

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Ah!

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Whoa, these really are spacious.

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And they have large gas tanks.

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A-a-a-a-argh!

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This feeling. The exploding of a student.

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Lemonade just can't compare.

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-We have a winn... Agh.

-Whatever.

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The word "painishment" is still mine. He can't use it.

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Needles, thank you for reminding me

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how much I enjoy punishing students.

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Fresh agony awaits you.

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Yippee.

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Your dedication to punishment

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is beacon to teachers everywhere! You are reinstated.

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We'll have your house choppered back immediately.

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I have a better idea.

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Hoo-hoo-hoo! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Maybe Vana being our teacher

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wasn't so bad after all.

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Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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