Pouncing Tigers So Awkward

So that took us up to the half-time whistle.

By the second half, we were on much stronger form and

we scored twice in the first two minutes,

which, as you can imagine, was very exciting.

I know, OK? I know what you're all thinking.

Every week I get up here, I do the match report, nobody cares.

And honestly? Neither do I.

Yeah, that's right, I ripped it up!

Do you want to know the real reason we won on Saturday?

The same reason we always do. Because of one girl.

And not just any girl, either.

The most incredible girl in the whole school.

She's supportive, she gives good advice,

she has the best sweets out of anyone.

Seriously, she is a total life saver!

So without any further ado, come up here!

You know who you are!

Jas Salford!

Wow! A massive trophy filled with ice cream? You shouldn't have!

YEAH!

Please, stop! I've heard enough!

Jas, I don't want to hear your weird dreams about my brother.

OK, first of all, you interrupted. So, rude.

Second of all, what's so weird about ice cream? Right, Jason?

Nothing?

# Oh, oh, oh

# Oh, oh, oh, oh

# So, so, so, so, so, so

# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

# So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so

# So awkward! #

-Was it your lunch? Did you forget your lunch?

-No.

-Homework?

-No, it was nothing like that.

It's something I was meant to tell you guys. I've totally forgotten.

Martha, do you remember?

Please. It's so creepy when you do that.

This is us, Lily. This is what we do.

Yeah, maybe you'd prefer it if we went for a run or something!

Or signed up to a sports team!

Apparently, we have.

Oh, yeah! That's what I was meant to tell you guys!

I signed us all up to a basketball tournament!

What were you thinking?!

We don't do sport!

And you know Lily is terrible at catching.

Hey! I'm not that bad!

Yeah, Lily's great. She can catch anything!

Thank you!

I can't do this.

I can't let Matt Furnish see how rubbish I am.

-Erm...

-What did you do?

-I sort of signed him up, as well.

-As if it wasn't humiliating enough!

I er... I need a lie down.

We're doing a charity match. Raising money for a good cause.

How can you hate goodness so much?

Is everyone OK for a lunchtime practise?

-You're organising this?

-Well, I thought no-one would sign up.

Jas, you're a total life saver.

Do you want to borrow my bear?

He's my lucky mascot. He's a bear.

-He's lucky.

-Thanks. I'll see you guys later.

Can't wait!

Don't tell me this is all to impress my brother!

I can't believe you'd even think that!

Bye, Jason!

-He turned up.

-OK, here's what we'll do.

I'll stand in front of you, and he won't even know you're here.

This could work. Yeah, are you sure?

I promise. I won't leave your side.

If everyone can come up this end!

Guys? Can I get...? Can I get everyone's attention?

Hello! I'm Sophia and I'm in charge of fundraising for Save the Bees.

Go, bees!

I just... I wanted to say thank you.

It's really great to have so many of you supporting

our little buzzy friends. Right, Jason?

Hmm? I mean, yeah, definitely. I love the bees.

Gorgeous! I mean, I'm glad to hear that.

I'm glad you're glad.

Actually, I'm really glad Jason's glad. So... Just saying.

OK, everyone, grab a partner!

We'll start with some catches, if I could just pair you up...

Two here, two here, two here, you two, you two, you two.

And two here! Whoo hoo!

Sure. Why not?

We have to get out of this.

What were you thinking?

Well, we have a few tried and tested options...

MUSIC PLAYS

Hmm. Or, we play really badly until they beg us to go home?

-Excellent.

-After you.

Lily? I think your laces might be tied now.

I need to be sure. Wouldn't want any distractions.

OK.

Cos when I get going, I'm in the zone and that's it.

You know?

So I need to do the other lace.

-You already did.

-Did I?

-Three times!

Right. Well... Erm...

Actually I need a tissue because I need to blow my...

I mean, I need some water, because we might get...

Look! We've run out! Erm... Be right back.

What are you doing?

I don't know!

No matter what I do, the stupid ball just keeps going in!

This is ridiculous! How hard can it be to miss?

I'm doing my best! Hang on, let me try something.

And once I'd got water, I tried to come straight back...

-OK...

-But then I realised that the door was jammed shut

-and I couldn't get back in.

-Right...

So, then I tried to find Mr Robson, the caretaker, but he was...

off sick.

Hi, Mr Robson.

He's fine now.

And then when I got back, I realised that practice was over.

Such a shame!

It's OK, you didn't miss much. I did some catching with Jas.

She's really got it bad for your brother, hasn't she?

Is it that obvious?

It's so obvious when someone likes someone. Don't you think?

Anyway. I'm not worried.

It's not as if she'll start hanging out with him

at school or anything.

They're just so cute, aren't they?

I don't see the difference.

Do you know what I mean?

Martha? We have a Code Orange. You know the drill.

Come on! This is ridiculous! At least let me finish my sandwich!

Hello?

OK, very funny. We had a laugh, you made your point.

Now, please just let me go!

Don't worry, Jas. We're all friends here.

Right, Martha?

Now, listen, we want to help you. But you need to help yourself.

-Can you help us to help you?

-What?

Stop fancying my brother! It's embarrassing.

For the last time, I don't know what you're talking about.

I see. Looks like we'll have to be a little more...

persuasive.

You wouldn't dare!

Wouldn't we? Leave Jason alone or the bear gets it!

I don't know what you mean.

Very well. Martha?

No!

It's for your own good! Don't make us do the ears!

Hey! Check out the new kid on the block! Martie, right?

I think he means you.

Oh, that's not my name. It's Martha.

Martie, Marth, whatevs.

Just Martha.

Zac.

I'm a point guard but I sub as a power forward on match days.

-What's he saying?

-No idea.

I heard about the action courtside, and I just wanted to say,

respect, dude. Awesome skills.

You were bringing it big time and we was like, "Whoa!"

Do you want to hang out?

Um, Zac, is it?

Well, er, thrilled to meet you and fantastic you're a fan.

But, er, thing is, this isn't exactly our thing.

-And we're kind of on a schedule, so, perhaps...

-I'm free now.

Martha? It's Book Swap Wednesday!

-So?

-Well, you know how quickly the hobby shelf goes!

Or would you rather go off with the cool people and hang out,

or whatever that's supposed to mean?

Oh, well, when you put it that way...

So, Zac.

I've been shooting from mid range but I can't get the spin I need.

Jason? Are you home?

You will not believe the day I've just had!

But the good news is, the Jas situation is definitely

under con...trol.

Can you give us a sec?

We're in the middle of a strategy meeting.

It's very important. Apparently.

Yes, it is!

I even had to tell Save the Bees girl not to come.

Boy, did that take some doing.

Sophia? Sophia wanted to come?

Yeah, she was REALLY determined.

She doesn't bring a lot to the table, apart from bees,

and who needs them, right, Jason?

So, pens...

(I need help.)

Well, there is someone you could talk to.

Don't get me wrong, Mr Salford. Jas is great. She's very...

..enthusiastic!

I just think she might be getting a bit carried away.

It's all right, Jason. I know exactly what you mean.

So, what do you mean exactly?

Erm. Just maybe she's getting a bit distracted.

I'm sixth form, she's year eight, it's getting a bit awkward.

Perhaps she needs to focus on the game a bit more?

I think I know what you're trying to say here...

And my answer is, yes. I would love to coach the team!

Oh, I don't think I said that.

-Who told you?

-Sorry, told me?

About my coaching technique?

You defeat your opponents with the art of surprise.

I call it The Pouncing Tiger. Grrr.

What does the tiger do? He lies in wait!

How long do I lie in wait?

Yeah. I think we might just be getting a bit off the subject.

Just to get back to my point, I...

Hello?

-Mr Salford.

-Grrrrr!

I know, right?

Don't feel bad. It gets everyone first time.

-Do you want to try?

-I'm OK. Thanks, you've been really...

I'll see myself out.

So, I'll see you tomorrow, then? Maybe lunchtime?

I am very excited about this opportunity!

You think this is fun?

You think this is a game?

Well, listen up, ladies, because basketball is not a game.

I mean, obviously, it is a game but don't think of it as a game!

Think of it as a jungle and you are the tigers!

Grrr!

Grrr!

Where's Martha?

MUSIC PLAYS

S'up dudes.

Erm... What are you doing?

Oh, me and Zac were just chilling, shooting some hoops.

And he was like "Whoa, you should totally join our team!"

So I was like, "Whoa," and he was like, "Whoa,"

-and I was like, "Whoa!"

-OK, thanks, we get the idea.

So, it's cool if I switch teams, yeah?

Well, sure. I mean, if that's what you want?

I don't get it. Can she even keep up with them?

MUSIC PLAYS

Yeah, I think she'll cope.

OK, tigers, listen up, because those stripes

aren't going to earn themselves.

We'll start nice and simple, bit of throwing. And remember...

what are you?

-A tiger! Grrr!

-Good girl! Lily?

-Wait!

-What?

-What's the line again?

-I am the tiger.

-You're the tiger.

-No, YOU'RE the tiger.

YOU'RE the tiger?

Right, let's start again.

OK. You're the tiger!

-Just catch the ball!

-Wait!

-Ready?

-No!

Do you need a hand?

Thanks.

It's lovely to see so many people caring about the bees.

Oh, yeah, the bees. I just want to save them all.

The bees. The wasps, the ants, the earwigs.

I think the earwigs are OK.

Oh, yeah, yeah, but for how long?

I mean, I just want you to know how much I care.

Really care...about the bees.

Thank you. I really care too... about the bees.

Jason!

I should go to lunch. I'll see you later?

OK, someone wore their grumpy trousers this morning!

Soph? Wait a sec!

Good idea, you guys go on ahead! I'll save you a seat, yeah?

Dude.

-Hi.

-The action on the court was a total bust.

-I'm hanging for a soda, you know what I mean?

-Not really.

You know how it is.

You're courtside, you're chasing the net, you...

Is that Chess for Champions 2?

Yeah, it's the deluxe edition.

It comes with extra diagrams and a free bishop.

-Want it?

-Hey!

Boom!

How you going, Martie?

That's what we're calling her.

Martha's fine. That is my real name.

Sure it is, Martie! Mazza! The M-ster!

Hey, what about M-Dude?

-Yeah! Or the M-Dog?

-Ha, ha, I love it!

-Or M to the A, to the...

-OK! Let's go get lunch.

Er, that's Jason's seat.

No, it isn't. Can you just leave my brother alone?

Actually, we've got team stuff to talk about.

No, you haven't.

It's not like my brother is going to sit with a bunch of year eights.

Jas?

Your turn, Martie!

Hey! Two points to the Marth-atron!

Listen. Erm. Well...it's just...my name's Martha.

That is what I'm called. I mean, I'm used to it now, and...

-He's not that great, you know.

-Who?

-Jason.

I mean, I love him, he's my brother, but he always hogs the remote.

And his feet stink.

Have I been acting like a total idiot?

At least you can catch.

All I've been doing this week is run away from basketballs.

That's OK.

You have to drop a few balls before you catch one.

-I wasn't talking about the game.

-Neither was I.

Are you sure you'll be OK?

Of course. Can you put this back for me?

No way!

Did you just..,?

That was amazing. I feel amazing!

I feel like I can do anything!

Hey, Martie. Check out the fans.

For the last time, my name... Did you say, "Fans?"

CHEERING

Pretty cool, right?

I love them!

I...I just wanted to say well done for today.

Both of you. You make a good team.

Thanks, Jas.

OK, tigers. I want you to strike hard, strike fast.

And don't worry about injuries

because a broken arm never hurt anyone.

You've done the work, you've got the skills, you have the attitude.

You are winners. And what do winners do?

They win!

-Yeah! What else do they do?

-Win!

-What are you going to do?

-Win!

-Oh, yeah! You are going to win!

On second thoughts, it's only a bit of fun. Win, lose, whatever!

OK, good luck.

WHISTLE BLOWS

We're going to lose, aren't we?

Not necessarily! We're a good team.

I'm sure we'll be fine.

MUSIC PLAYS

I'm done for! Go on without me.

I'll only slow you down!

-Mother?

-No, it's me, Martha. Are you OK?

In case I don't make it, there's something...

-You're giving me this?

-It's the right thing to do.

I mean, it's just a loan, obviously.

-Oh, sure. Yeah.

-I will definitely want it back. So don't get attached.

What are you doing?

The thing is, I don't really care about winning.

There are things that matter more. Like loyalty and kindness.

And do you know what matters most?

-Friendship?

-No! Getting my name right! Not just making it up!

Not just using some nonsense name that doesn't mean anything.

Calling people by their actual given name.

That, Zachary, is what matters most.

Ladies. Shall we?

MUSIC PLAYS

Grrr!

Yes!

Grrr! Thank you.

Lily, here.

Well done.

We still lost, though.

You did your best. You were brilliant!

Awkward! Did you see that? How badly he's into me?

I'm going to have to let him down gently.

Do you not still wish you were picked by the other guys?

I was picked by the other guys.

-What?

-Zac asked me last week. I said no.

There was only one team I wanted to play on.

Is she OK?

I think we lost her.

I'm fine. In fact, I think I'm brilliant!

Things are going to be very different from now on.

Watch this...

Guys! Wait, one more time! I can totally do this!