Episode 11 Splatalot

-Welcome to...

-Splatalot!

Today we invite 12 brave-hearted young warriors

to go head-to-head with the defiant Defenders,

as they strive to capture the highly coveted Crown of Splatalot.

-SHE LAUGHS Will the defenders keep the castle safe from the attackers?

-Yes!

-Preserve their majestic kingdom and reign victorious?

-Whoo!

Who will tumble, who will tilt, who will teeter

and who will go splat?!

We're Dick and Dom. Welcome to Splatalot.

And what is Splatalot? Let's pretend we've never met.

-Explain Splatalot to me in 30 seconds.

-OK.

Good day to you, sir.

You see to be the kind of chap who's itching to know more about Splatalot.

Yes, tell me more.

12 young attackers do battle over three rounds

for the right to claim the Splatalot crown.

-Will it be messy?

-Yes.

-Will it be splatty?

-Yes.

-Will you be able to explain the rounds in more detail?

-Yes.

Round one will challenge the attackers

-to cross the Splatalot moat as quickly as possible.

-Yes.

-The fastest six will then attempt to escape the stockade.

-Yes.

And the four who do so will compete in the final

for that all-important crown.

-And that, sir, is Splatalot in 30 seconds.

-Good day.

Good day.

OK, here's round one in slightly less theatrical detail.

The Baffling Barrels are guaranteed to start the day with a splat.

It's then up the Slippery Slope, across the Rolling Mace

and down the appropriately named Impossible Incline.

After that, it's a matter of making it over the Beastly Battleaxes...

Choppers! The Rope Bridge of Disaster is next, which is never easy.

And that leads to the Perilous Pole Vault,

-as if pole vaulting weren't perilous enough.

-Ooh!

So, baffling, terrifying, impossible, beastly, disastrous

and perilous.

I could be describing this lot - the Defenders, the scariest obstacles of all.

-In round one...

-Skabb rules!

Skabb is our resident Barbarian.

-Thorne!

-He's quite a prickly character.

One flap and you're on your back.

And Kookaburra makes three.

# Defend

# Defend

# Defender!

Hey, it's like they're in a Barbarian-shop quartet.

You know, like a barbershop quartet. Skabb's a Barbarian.

Here's round one. The Defenders are in position.

-That's it - protect the crown, Thorne!

-First off is Madisyn.

Fist pumping like champs, baby!

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Well, Madisyn's battle cry is full of energy.

Tracy Beaker!

It's the first splat of the day.

Yes, that left foot just giving way and down goes Madisyn.

She's tackling the slippery slope.

Oh, slipping and screaming!

-Are you OK?

-SHRIEKING

Another slip-scream combo.

-What's going on?

-The Defenders still waiting for her.

-Are you all right?

-Are you on there, darling?

-Fire!

They've got nothing to defend.

Sorry, mate, it's my job.

Madisyn needs to focus on the Mace. Oh, maybe too focused.

-Yes!

-That's the Mace's first splat. It won't be the last.

Ooh!

-How will Madisyn do on the Incline?

-Good save but now she's stuck.

What next? Zammo!

Accurate splatting from the Defenders led to that fall.

It doesn't get any easier. The Battleaxes are next. She's onto the first.

She's onto the second...

Bodger and Badger! So close!

And our slow-mo camera picks up what's going through Madisyn's mind.

"Uh-oh," she thinks, "here comes a splat and a big one at that."

The bridge is protected by Thorne and his water cannon.

Give me more, give me more!

Oh, this one likes it!

Excellent! Come on, Maddie!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Whoa!

-She's giving as good as she gets. Am I high? Am I low.

Yes!

Well, she wasn't fast but she was a true competitor.

Well done, Maddie. Next up is Sydney.

Let's do this thing, medieval style!

-OK, Sydney, here we go.

-That's a medieval start.

It's the fastest splat we've ever had. Well done, Sydney!

She makes her way up the slope.

-Try and aim for Sydney.

-Skabb telling Kook off there.

Sydney's on the Mace... Oh, nearly.

A mace is as good as a mile.

Here she is on the pole vault.

If you make it into the castle, you get a haircut like Thorne.

Is that supposed to be an incentive? Oh!

Everyone should have a haircut like this.

Splatalot is a hair-raising experience

and Sydney should make the cut.

I have two chinchillas!

Skabb, one, attacker, none.

-Rrraarr!

-Oh, Skabb, mean as ever.

-Ooh!

-Hang on - I've got an idea.

Once upon a time, there was a lonely prince

-who had been turned into a barrel.

-It's usually a frog.

-Shut up!

One day, Princess Chanelle gave the barrel a kiss.

And they lived happily ever after.

That's beautiful!

Rraaarrr!

OK, back to the action, Chanelle is on the slope.

-She's under attack but sticks her tongue out in defiance.

-Whoa!

She's onto the Mace... Wye aye! Byker Grove!

The Mace is being mean today. Naughty Mace! Smacky bottie.

She finishes in 7:43. Will that be good enough? Here's Craig.

I like pretty pink ponies!

How are you doing, Craig? You all right, mate?

Kook and Craig seem to be getting along.

He approaches the Incline and dives into the moat.

And the scores for that dive are now in.

How do you like that?

-Craig is sprinting over the Rope Bridge.

-Just the Pole Vault to go.

And... Oh, no, he's going down.

Basement floor - men's toiletries and deep, dirty moats.

-How do you like that?

-I think he'll like that a lot.

-That's a very fast time from Craig.

-Here's Rachel.

Let's ride unicorns to Alaska!

Rachel!

Where are you? Hang on there, sweetheart.

-Boom!

-Will Rachel make it over the Mace?

She's flying, flying... Oh.

The Mace keeps its record intact and Rachel joins the others in the moat.

Rachel, you've wet my feathers.

Rachel has wet Kook's feathers and ruffled them, too. Game on!

Rachel steps onto the Rope Bridge of Disaster.

Oh, look, disaster! She's completely entangled. How will she get out of that?!

Oh, right - like that.

And that's a pretty good time. Here's Graham.

Fist pump! Wooooo!

-Don't look up, Graham.

-That's quite a way to start your day.

And Graham is now down.

Barrel number two is refusing to let anyone pass.

The Defenders are trying to slow him down but he's made it to the Mace.

-Woking!

-I'm good!

But Graham is our first attacker to make it over the Mace today.

Surely that's too fast down the Incline? No!

I think you two need to be a bit more serious.

I can't hear you because of the whole Mohawk thing.

Graham almost across the Battleaxes...

But he's lost his footing and... Oh, Mr Bronson!

But Graham's over in a very fast time

and he's sure to be through.

And the Defenders need to take time out.

We're halfway through round one.

Craig is leading and with six more Attackers to come,

Madisyn is in danger with 9:36.

Now, the Defenders lost focus in that first half,

so will they get it together in the second?

Only the six fastest go through, so with six more to come,

it's anybody's game, eh, Kook?

Oh, yes!

-Mm.

-Mm. There's a few talking points in that first half.

We had Chanelle, the barrel-kissing princess.

Craig, the pink-pony loving thoroughbred, who's fastest so far.

Rachel, who overcame disaster at the Rope Bridge.

And Graham and Sydney, who had to witness all that nonsense between Thorne and Kookaburra.

-Defenders arguing is pointless!

-It's the ugly side of Splatalot.

-No-one likes to see it.

-No.

-Want to see more?

-Yes, please.

-Go!

I'm doing a better job than you two could have done.

Oh, dear, they're still at it.

So far, Craig is fastest with 2:11

and Madisyn has that time to beat of 9:36.

Here's Marianna.

Let's hear if for the Guidas!

-What?

-And Marianna is under siege at the Slippery Slope.

That was a quadruple splat attack from Kookaburra.

He's really fired up this round!

Yeah, you can.

And look at the painful debris flying around Marianna.

-And she's in the moat. Can she recover?

-She can.

This is courageous stuff.

-Be brave!

-How much braver can she be?

Oh, Barnsley! They're splatting her from every angle.

Now the battleaxes are joining in.

And Marianna braves another big splash.

She just squeezes through into sixth place. Well done!

Here's Megan.

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Rock on!

Go, splat! Rrarrr!

Megan, is it cold in the water?

Kook's trying something clever.

Try and stay out of the water, yeah?

He tells her to stay out of the water and all she can think about is going in

and she does! The plan worked perfectly.

The Rolling Mace continues its impressive record of splatting Attackers.

-Let's go, Thorney, let's go.

-This should be interesting.

-Is that nice and cold for you?

-The Defenders have got it together.

-Nice teamwork!

-Yeah!

Let's see how long it lasts. Megan is back in the moat.

The Pole Vault has got a better strike rate than the Mace.

But she makes it and that time knocks out Marianna.

Let's blow this popsicle stand!

Skabb gives Steven a warm welcome and off he goes.

That's one of the best barrel runs today.

He's so fast that Skabb's out of position.

Steve-o, how are you doing, mate? Open your mouth for me.

Oh, looks like Kook's splatzooka's jammed!

Can Steven take advantage of this? He's climbing... Oh!

-There's a monkey in the castle.

-Steven was going ape on that Mace,

like a little monkey after a banana.

Great effort, great splat.

What are you waiting for, Thorne?

Oh, no, I thought we were past all this.

Thorne! Try to be useful!

He's just ignoring them and makes it over the bridge.

Now, Steven, can you do this? Good start!

Bootle!

-That's what I was waiting for.

-Yeah! Touche!

They're still arguing but Steven is over in the second fastest time.

-2:45, a great round.

-Limp and floppy celebrations.

I'm gonna own this castle!

Mm, I didn't know it was for sale.

The only way Patrick is going to own this castle is if he becomes king.

That's the point of the show.

And looking at his work on the Mace, that might happen.

Tidy on the incline, too.

-That was live and deadly!

-Oooh!

One for the team.

But has it slowed Patrick down? No, not at all.

He making his way over the axes and, yes, he's made it.

-Can Thorne do anything to stop him?

-So far, so good.

He's almost over.

-Think you're tough?

-Someone needs to crack that Pole Vault.

And in he goes.

That's it! I've had it up to here with that pole.

Calm down. You're worse than the Defenders.

No need for Pat to calm down, though. He's in the lead.

-I'm a sqweemoose!

-Go and meet Kook.

Let's go, Mariko, let's go.

Will Kookaburra's cheerleading help? Oh, no!

Oh, that was quite a splat. And so was that and that and that,

that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that,

that, that, that, that, that.

Croissant.

So about that. Mariko is doing well.

Straight past Thorne, as usual.

Stop distracting me.

-And the Defenders won't let it lie.

-The rain of Thorne!

A Thorney rain that sends Mariko into the dirge.

Ahhhh! I rule!

We'll come back to Mariko. Here's the final attacker, Christopher.

He's over the barrels and almost misses out on the Slope completely.

Chris, it's not that we don't like you but we can't let you in.

Oh, Scunthorpe, that's a direct splat from Kook

but Chris is now onto the Mace.

-He's fast!

-He's over the Mace, he's over the Incline...

OK, the first thing to say is that Chris is fine.

The second thing to say is...

Phwoarr!

Forget splat of the day, that is officially...

-..the splat of the...

-..year!

Here it is again. Chris runs over the Mace

and down the Incline

but he overshoots and splats into the Battleaxes

It's just as splatterific from this angle.

He puts himself on the line there

but he's OK, down to the clever padding around this course.

But as you can see, he's absolutely fine

and with that time of two minutes, he's into the next round,

so that splat was worth it. He's one happy boyo.

He's not.

So these six are through to the Stockade.

I'm exhausted and we've only had one round.

Here's a peek at what's next.

The excitement continues in the stockade

because that foam-filled arena is always a giant splat-fest.

So we now have our six fastest Attackers.

Patrick's leading and claims he wants to own the castle.

But if Christopher hadn't had his splat of the year,

he might have been fastest.

Monkey-climbing Steven and swallow-diving Craig

were also well under three minutes.

Here's the complete line-up for round two.

They all now face the Stockade.

Ooh! The times posted in round one now count for nothing.

-Everyone starts from scratch.

-Let's take a closer look.

The Attackers have to escape.

They grab ladder rungs then cross The Wheel of Certain Doom to begin building their ladders.

But not all the rungs fit.

They then have to grab one of only four flags before escaping.

But slowing them down will be three new Defenders.

Kicking off round two is tartan terror Ballista.

Joining her is her very own weapons master, Tinkor.

And finally, the mean and magnificent Knightriss.

-Attackers!

-Let's see if you have what it takes.

To escape the stockade!

Here's how they line up. Graham's in the orange.

Megan's in the pink, Craig's in the light green.

Steven's in dark green, Patrick's in the blue,

Christopher's in purple - that is until the foaming begins.

There's Knightriss and here comes the foam.

The Attackers are nice and dizzy

-and the Defenders are about to have fun.

-HOOTER

And they're off! Well, sort of. Some are struggling to get off the wheel.

Come on! Get off!

Chris has already got a rung!

Steven and Graham get to know the Annihilating Arm a bit better.

-Tinkor, lovely and fluffy today!

-Thank you!

-Compare that with the arguments in round one.

-Thorne, take note.

Graham slots in his first rung.

Thwacker! Steve is splattered by the arm.

There's Ballista with a goo grenade but she misses.

The arm sends Craig back down into the foam.

And Knightriss is right - that foam is extra fluffy today.

That is actually Megan but she looks like Father Christmas.

-And the rest look like Santa's snowmen.

-I thought he had reindeer?

Christopher's stuck under the arm.

There he goes.

Steven has a go but the arm knocks him back, too.

The arms are certainly dishing it out today.

How about a little shower, Attackers?

Come on! I know you're thirsty.

Ballista gets involved but the Annihilating Arms don't need her help.

Just look at the foam out there. The Attackers are getting splatted.

Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!

Tinkor gives Graham a sliming for his troubles.

-Graham's ladder is almost complete.

-Tink-Tinkor!

Oh, you're thirsty? How about some water?

Thank you, but seriously, no, thank you.

You're welcome!

And Tinkor's really got it in for Graham. A bucket of slime this time.

Tinkor's really enjoying himself out there in his own twisted way.

Knightriss joins the party with a slime stick.

Helen Skelton! That's a double splat.

Chris and Steve go flying.

Knightriss and the annihilating arm, what a combination.

Megan has avoided most of this splatting and has built her ladder.

She's heading for the flags but there's a traffic jam.

It's a multi-splat.

The arm sends everyone spinning.

And just look at this foam in slow motion.

The stockade is on song today.

Craig keeps an eye on the arm but doesn't see Graham.

Patrick is taking his time, too.

Craig dodges the arm again. He and Graham are going for the flags.

But they get tangled up and down they go.

-But who's got the flag?

-I think it could be Graham.

Craig seemed to get there first but did Graham wrestle him off?

Well, we're putting it down to an accident

and Graham is allowed to continue. He's on his way.

The other five have only three flags to fight over.

-Graham's at the top and he's through.

-And Craig grabs the second flag.

He's free and on his way.

The arm takes out Christopher. What a day he's having.

And Megan has the third flag. Only one flag remaining.

The Defenders need to step up.

Tinkor's sliming Patrick but is it all too late?

Confirmation that Megan and Craig have made it.

Chris is still finishing his ladder but Patrick is at the top

and he has the last flag.

And that's it. We have our four finalists.

We say goodbye to Steven and farewell to Chris,

both worthy competitors.

Perhaps more worthy than the display from the Defenders.

Maybe being nice isn't the answer.

But don't take anything away from the Attackers.

In the final are:

They will all be competing to capture the highly coveted Crown of Splatalot.

Yes, four will compete but only one will reign victorious

-and we've left the best challenge till last.

-Here's what's coming up.

Plenty of drama, plenty of excitement...

And plenty of splat!

It's Splat Time.

Let's take a moment to celebrate some classic splats.

SHE SHRIEKS

Yes!

Yes!

Oh, yes!

And that's why we call it Splatalot.

Right, old boy, any splat stats to pick up on?

Well, there'll be no love lost between Graham and Craig

after that incident with the flag.

And what about Patrick? First in round one, last in round two.

Make of that what you will.

The other talking point is the Defenders.

They were argumentative in round one and didn't gel as a team.

In round two, they were sweet, charming and generally useless.

After two bad rounds, they might get the balance right in the final.

So who will win? Here's the line-up.

The four Attackers will be facing six Defenders.

They are Ballista, Tinkor, Knightriss, Kookaburra,

-Thorne and Skabb - very scary.

-Rraarrr!

And here is the course. The Attackers start with a pole drop into the Funky Foam.

Then it's onto the Titanic Teeters.

Over the Barrier Of All Barriers onto the Bouncy Buoys.

And finally, up the Water Wall, where the crown awaits.

-Anything last thoughts before we get started?

-Yes! Let's get started.

-Splat, splat, splat...

-Huh? Oh.

-Splat! Splat! Splat!

-Splat. Splat.

-Well, it's an easy chant to remember, unless you're Skabb.

-Splat.

Graham is in the orange, Megan's in the pink,

Patrick's in dark blue and Craig's in light green. HOOTER

And they're off, down into the Funky Foam.

Ballista's there to greet them but she misses.

-Rrarr!

-And so does Skabb!

Craig's still covered in funky foam but that won't last long.

All four are on the Teeters. Who'll be first in?

Megan's losing her balance and... Bungalow!

And that sets off a splat reaction. Everyone's splatted.

This isn't pre-school, this is Splatalot.

Thorne giving the attackers an education.

And Graham learning the hard way on the Teeters.

Tinkor slimes Megan and down she goes.

-Tinkor's probably been the best defender today.

-Rarrr!

I don't think Skabb agrees.

Ooh! And Graham is still learning the hard way on the Teeters.

Good stuff, my chaps!

Thorne is now sliming Patrick.

Skabb joins in. They're friends again.

But Patrick makes it to the barrier.

Knightriss tries to cloud the issue but he's onto the buoys.

And that kick-starts the Water Wall.

So can anyone stop Patrick?

Craig's now making a move.

Patrick is vaporised, the Defenders slowing him down.

And Craig leaps! He's now alongside Patrick.

Can Megan catch up? No, not yet.

Whoever wins, the splats have been top quality today.

Now to the boys battling it out on the buoys.

This won't be easy for Patrick or Craig.

Now Knightriss is creating a sea mist on the moat

and Ballista is joining in with a splatzooka.

-Whoo!

-Yes! I'm on fire!

-Kook takes aim with a splat bow.

The Defenders are working well, focusing on these two attackers.

Skabb's showering and Tinkor's sliming, it's a splat bath.

Tinkor! Heh-heh-heh!

Back to the Teeters. Oh, Graham and Megan fall together.

Have we just invented synchronised splatting?

I like it!

Grrahhhh!

So does Skabb.

Patrick leaps for the platform but maybe Skabb put him off.

-Just imagine having this in your ear.

-Rrraahhh!

Look at this! Can Megan make it over the Barrier?

No.

Patrick is now on the platform but Craig's only a leap away.

Patrick heads for the wall, ready to climb.

And Craig almost grabs him by the ankles.

Graham's still on the Teeters and that's another splat.

Patrick is now making the final climb. He's nearly there.

Surely the Defenders can't stop him now?

Come on, Patrick!

And Patrick's reaching for the crown and that's it!

Patrick is our new king and he's ecstatic.

Just look how close Craig was.

Only seconds behind him. A truly thrilling final.

But there can only be one and this time it's Patrick!

Oh, no! Tinkor can't believe it. He's collapsed.

Tinkor!

Oh, no! Such a worry! Is Tinkor OK?

-Erm...

-Someone do something!

-I'm going in...

-Oh! Tinkor is just being a little tinker.

-This guy!

OK, let's get back to celebrating. Even Craig is joining in with King Patrick. Nice one, fellas.

What a great final, huh?

-Almost too close to call.

-Yeah but Patrick made it

and he's a worthy winner.

Of course, we did have one other worthy winner today.

I think I know what you mean.

We've already named it Splat Of The Year.

It's Christopher's amazing moment in the Moat Challenge,

straight in the wall and into the moat

but he was fine and finished in a great time.

-What a splat.

-What a tournament.

-And what a champion.

Let's look at King Patrick's majestic journey to the throne, which started with this prediction.

I'm gonna own this castle!

He certainly owned the Moat Challenge.

But he finished last in the stockade.

But he led from start to finish in the final

and despite the Defenders' best efforts, he made it to the top

and celebrated like a king.

That's because he is a king.

Over to the flag ceremony.

-I am the King Of The Castle.

-CHEERING

-That's all for now...

-But in the meantime...

Keep splatting!

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