Episode 12 Splatalot


Episode 12

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-It's Splat time!

-A dozen death-defying daredevils

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of Splatalot will go head-to-head with the defiant Defenders

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as they strive to capture the highly coveted crown of Splatalot.

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Will the Defenders keep the castle safe from the Attackers,

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preserve the kingdom of Splatlot and reign victorious?

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Is that head-over-heels? I believe that was head-over-heels.

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Who will tumble, who will tilt, who will teeter

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-and who will go...

-Splat?

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Hello! I'm Dick. He's Dom. And this is Splatalot.

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It is indeed. Now, Dick, my old boy, how would you describe Splatalot

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-in a nutshell?

-Well...

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I'll give it a go! HE GRUNTS AND GROANS

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-Ready?

-I'm in.

-Right. Good.

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-Fine. Describe it.

-Well, in the first round,

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only the fastest six will survive. They will be sent to the stockade.

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But only four will be lucky enough to escape,

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and compete in the final round for the all-important Splatalot crown.

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-And that was Splatalot in a nutshell.

-Well done! Mwah!

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-Get off!

-Here it is, not in a nutshell.

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DICK GIBBERS

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We begin with the baffling barrels,

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then up the slippery slope to the terrifying rolling mace.

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Whilst being pelted at all times by the Defenders on their splatzooka.

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Then down the impossible incline and across the beastly battleaxes.

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And you'll have a high-powered water cannon for company.

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Then it's over the rope bridge of disaster!

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And on to the perilous pole-vault to complete the course

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at the castle entrance.

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-Now, that is quite a challenge.

-It's about to get even challengier,

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because those bazookas and water cannons don't fire themselves.

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Bring on the Defenders.

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In round one, the croc who likes to shock, Crocness.

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-Next it's the one, the only...

-Gildar.

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And finally, lovable barbarian Skabb!

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If we don't happen to get you...

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The mace roll will!

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-GROWLING

-The beast speaks!

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I think they scare themselves. Let's begin.

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I'm going to be the queen of the -

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Here's candidate Queen Jenna.

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-And so your quest begins.

-She's looking good so far.

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Ooh, bum-whacker! But I don't think she meant to do that.

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And Jenna is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

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Jenna likes nail polish and hates dragonflies.

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Here's your introduction to Crocness.

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She just added swamp-dwelling paintballers to her hate list.

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Oh, I think her nail-polish will be chipped after that fall.

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If we slow this down, you'll see Jenna does a back-flip

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-into the moat. Good lass.

-Is that head-over-heels?

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-I believe that was head-over-heels.

-Gold star for Gildar.

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-I have you lined up, Jenna.

-It was nice of Crocness to warn her.

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It might have been more polite not to hit her at all.

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I think we have a warrior on our hands, Gildar!

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She's quite tenacious, but I don't think she is as handsome.

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Gildar can't even make a compliment without including himself.

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Skabb now taking a more direct approach,

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but I think the rope bridge takes credit for that.

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Jenna, has anyone ever forgotten your birthday?

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-They forget mine, Jenna!

-Oh, here we go.

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Birthdays really aren't a Viking kind of thing.

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Vikings are little girly-girls! Barbarians beat up Vikings.

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-Will you just focus?

-Come on, boys.

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Slippery hootenanny into the wet-wang. She's home!

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Do you see the happy dance? The happy dance!

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-I am not impressed.

-Me neither. All that bickering let her through.

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And she finishes with a respectable time of 4:45.

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-Here's Timmy.

-This is for Warren!

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The baffling barrels have not been baffling for Timmy.

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-Hello, Tim-Timmy.

-A friendly greeting from Crock-Crocky.

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-I can see you!

-Bring it!

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Looks like Timmy's a taunter! Taunting never pays.

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-See, the price is generally one huge expensive...

-Splat.

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He's grabbing his hooter! Conk-tastic.

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-Bad luck for Timmy.

-SKABB LAUGHS

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-Hi, Timmy! I'm Skabb!

-You think Skabb's just being nice?

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He doesn't really do nice. I think he was subtly distracting Timmy.

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-And he did a pretty good job.

-Are you ready?

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-Yeah!

-Go, then!

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Nothing subtle about Skabb this time as Timmy falls off the rope bridge.

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-Ploppy!

-Early days yet, but Timmy, that time of 5:53 is very beatable.

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Every time I see the happy dance, I just get nauseated.

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I feel the same every time I see Gildar. Time for our next Attacker!

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And here is Sneha, whose nickname is Twinkle.

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It's time to win this!

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Twinkle's not receiving any star treatment from those barrels.

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Twinkle, Twinkle, little star,

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I am the dashing and handsome Gildar.

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I'm going to blow chunks. Gildar may be the wordsmith,

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but Croc just does all her talking with the splatzooka.

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Oh, that's another one on target, and Twinkle heads for the moat.

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It's not my fault that my good looks tend to be distracting.

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One look at Gildar and I want to jump into the lake too.

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Now, don't be nasty.

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Here's our next Attacker, Tristan, on the incline.

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He's into scuba diving and sing-screaming.

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HE SCREAMS

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What exactly is sing-screaming?

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-What Skabb would sound like if he did karaoke.

-Fair enough.

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Tristan?

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You know what would make you feel better? Do one of your "waaah"s.

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Skabb once again is trying to distract the Attackers.

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And again it works. It's like a delayed reaction.

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Tristan bought a one-way ticket to the Tuscan bean.

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He finishes with a time of 7:07, and Twinkle's time isn't bright either.

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Our next Attacker is Scott.

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-Fast like a bullet!

-And slippy like a seal.

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The mace is certainly on a roll today -

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-a bog roll.

-Scott is into paintballing,

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so perhaps the Defenders' weapons won't bother him.

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That bridge is bothering him.

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You know, Scott kind of rhymes with "spot".

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-DOM LAUGHS

-No, it doesn't.

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Are we just rhyming off random facts about each other?

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Gildar, you look like a girl sometimes!

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Oh, not again! Has Skabb learned nothing today?

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-Look what you did!

-You know, Skabb, if you did a better job,

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he wouldn't be doing the happy dance right now.

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There is Scott doing the happy dance, with a happy time of 4:29.

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Here's our sixth Attacker, Christine, who's into gymnastics.

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I love fudge and bacon!

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-Together?!

-Separately!

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-No, I missed that.

-She said, "I love fudge and bacon."

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I said, "Together?!" And she said, "Separately." Anything else?

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-Er, no. Carry on.

-Meanwhile, Christine is in the moat.

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Thank you, Gildar. I seem to be doing well without your help.

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-I'm gorgeous.

-Honestly! Christine is across the axes,

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And... Oh! It's like she saw a plate of fudge and bacon!

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I told you, she likes them separately.

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She nearly clears the moat. Where was Skabb?

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Skabb, that was your job!

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Christine completes her job in 3:12. Well done!

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Here's the leaderboard so far. Christine is leading with 3:12.

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Sneha is looking doubtful with a time to beat of 10:47,

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and Tristan isn't safe either.

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And with six more Attackers to come, anything is possible.

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What's probable is a lot more splatting.

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-SHE SCREAMS

-I like it when people scream.

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It's not Screamalot, it's Splatalot!

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So, how do you feel the first half went?

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The Defenders really let themselves down, I think.

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Crocness held it together, but Gildar and Skabb had a right old bicker.

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Yeah, but who's at fault? Skabb let three Defenders over the moat.

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But Gildar knows what buttons to press.

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Skabb's only got one button - on and off. Bit like yours.

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What? I haven't got an on-and-off...

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Right! It's really nice, isn't it?

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Here's a reminder of the leaderboard.

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Christine is in the lead with 3:12,

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but Sneha will be lucky to make it out with a vulnerable 10:47.

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Remember, only the six fastest survive.

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-Aaargh! Fudge and bacon. What just happened?

-What do you mean?

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Let's do this!

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Couldn't have put it better myself.

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-Mikaela is into rock-climbing.

-How about slope-climbing?

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-Mikaela?

-Going for the slow and steady approach.

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And it's quite a tactic. She seems to have confused the Defenders.

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Gildar's actually speechless.

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Mikaela, if you could please just move it along,

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and then we can knock you back into the moat.

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It is a little mean, but we have a Castle to defend,

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-and it's kind of our job.

-Try your hardest.

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Oh, here we go!

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-Oh, stunt ball!

-I beg your pardon?

-Stunt ball!

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-What?

-Stunt ball!

-What?

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-Stunt ball!

-Shut up! Mikaela picking up the pace now,

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but that just accelerates her into the moat.

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-Whoopee!

-Mikaela likes rocks but the mace likes to roll.

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Mikaela, this is Skabb over here.

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HE YELLS SHE SCREAMS

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I like it when people scream when they see me.

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I would've thought that happened quite a lot.

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Are you ready? Are you ready? Arrrgh!

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He's trying to scream her off-balance.

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He does know he's got a water cannon?

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But he seems a bit more focussed in the second half.

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Oh, Jeffrey!

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And Mikaela finishes in 8:07, which knocks Sneha out of the top six.

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-But it puts her in the danger zone.

-I love football!

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He loves football, but does he love barrels?

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Ooh, crunchy!

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Isn't it more about the barrels not loving him?

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Where are you, Patrick? You love football, hey?

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-Bet you won't like these balls.

-Now Crocness is trying to be funny.

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She's focussed. She's a hunter, and Patrick is her prey.

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Patrick now on the battleaxes. He's holding on tight.

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This might be a good approach. He's one small step away!

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-Here he goes. Ooh, Jeffrey returns!

-And that was the problem!

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That last step was too small, and he bounces into the arabiatta.

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I'm so happy.

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And so is Patrick for now. That time of 6:57 knocks out Mikaela.

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Good job, everybody. The happy dance again.

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That's right! I don't like your happy dance!

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Fruits and veggies give me wings!

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-What gives her wings?

-Fruit and veggies.

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-Funny. They just give me wind.

-We could've done with wings.

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-She's fallen at the first barrel.

-Let's go, Bri!

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-I don't have all day!

-Neither does Bri. This is against the clock.

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-Having a nice time, Bri?

-I think that's a no-comment from Bri.

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Oh, the mace does its job yet again, and Bri is in the moat a second time.

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That's one time too many. She's OK, but she's decided she can't go on.

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-I don't know what I'm doing!

-Well, at least he's honest.

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So, you don't know what you're doing, hey, Arthur?

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I know what he's doing. He's falling off the mace.

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-He's known as King Arthur to his friends.

-Now he's Wet Arthur.

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He has no clue. No clue at all.

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That could haunt Gildar if Arthur takes the crown.

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And so could that act of treason from Crocness!

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Arthur's forgotten this is against the clock. He needs to move fast.

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-What shall we do while we wait?

-How about this?

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-I'll go first. Kiss.

-All right. Hug.

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Kiss.

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-Hug.

-Oh, hang on. Here comes our next Attacker.

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-I love hot sauce!

-I'd have won that.

-Oh, shut up.

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Will you make it up the ramp, Will?

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That's clever. I see what you did there.

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They just about deserve each other, don't they?

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-And there goes Will.

-Crocness is proving herself today.

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That splat leads to an incredible reverse slide down the slope

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for Will.

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Will has two challenges on his hands. Time is ticking away.

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And suddenly both have beaten him. Bad luck, Bill!

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Billy Cotton!

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Birds unite! Ka-kaw!

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Does he think he's got a secret army of birds to assist him?

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-Well, he's flying over the barrels.

-That was "fowl".

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I eat birds for lunch.

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Well, no sign of any birds yet.

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Crocness has scared them off. She's in a "fowl" mood.

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You can't keep doing the same old gag. He's getting pelted out there.

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He's almost over the mace - but flappy dodo!

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Hello, Zachery, or Zach. Which do you prefer?

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I don't care. I am Skabb!

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And Zach is down! That's quite a spectacular splat,

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as he was running at high speed, but he's all right.

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He's more than all right. He's through, knocking out Tristan.

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Now back to King Arthur. He's still on the battleaxes.

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I can't even look at you right now, Arthur.

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Will you fire, Crocness? He's getting away! He's on the axes.

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Wait for it. I wouldn't rest there if I were you.

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-He needs to hurry now.

-Cos that won't work!

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Oh, double-twang flap! The final splat for Arthur!

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-His quest for the crown is over.

-But that quest continues

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for the six Attackers with the fastest times.

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Let's go to the leaderboard to see who's made it to the next round.

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It's Christine, Zachery, Scott, Jenna, Timmy, Patrick. The rat pack!

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Christine was the fastest and Patrick the slowest,

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but in the next round everyone starts from scratch in the Stockade.

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It'll be slimy and foamy, and the Defenders will get all mouthy.

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Stop hugging that thing! It ain't your girlfriend.

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And, of course, it will all get quite splatty.

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Did you spot any improvement from the Defenders?

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Oh, yes. They were much more focussed,

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-although Crocness was the best of the baddies in my book.

-Right.

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Would a baddie actually want to be the best?

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Surely baddies want to be, like, the worst!

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Because for a baddie, the best is bad,

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and to be the worst is good. I mean...

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Fitted it after round one when he was having a kip.

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Should've done it years ago. Here are our top six Attackers.

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We have Christine, Zachery, Scott, Jenna, Timmy and Patrick,

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and they are about to enter the Stockade!

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Unlike the first round, they'll all be in the same arena together,

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so this time they'll really be competing against each other.

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-Nonny knob-knobs! What happened?

-Nothing!

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-We were just talking about the Stockade.

-Let's take a look.

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The Attackers will remain strapped to the spinning wheel of certain doom

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-until the klaxon sounds.

-They can then head to the ladder rungs

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which slot into their ladders, but the rungs only fit certain holes.

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All this time the Stockade will be filling up with foam,

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water and paintball grenades.

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The Attackers have to grab one of only four flags

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-before making their escape.

-Remember, there are only four flags,

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so two Defenders will not make it out of there.

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And we're introducing three fresh Defenders

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who simply can't wait to get splatting.

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She can go ballistic! It's Ballista.

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Next it's shady Samurai, Shaiden. And finally...

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I'm going to be the thorn in your side!

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It's Thorne!

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It looks like they're already in a feisty mood.

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With just seconds to go, here's how the Attackers line up.

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Zachery's in the dark blue, Scott in the orange, Shaiden in all blue.

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Christine's in the pink. Ballista's in the tartan.

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Look, now Timmy's in the foamy blue,

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Patrick in the slimy yellow, and Jenna in foam-tingle purple!

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-KLAXON BLARES

-There's the klaxon. And they're off!

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-Hello, Attackers!

-Not all of them.

-Come on. Don't lay there all day.

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-Good! Now they're all off.

-I like my targets to move a little bit.

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Thorne claims his first splat of the day,

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and it's Christine with a helmet splat!

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-I love a foam party!

-Look at this one clinging to life!

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He's clinging, but Scott now makes his move,

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and poopy! Straight into his ladder.

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It's pretty foamy now inside the Stockade,

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and this is when the slips and the splats really start to take off.

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Oh, the annihilating arm now causing problems.

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Oh, not for Zach, look. He's just given it a big hug.

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In all that kerfuffle he's gone and lost his shoe.

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He may have gained an arm but he's lost his footwear.

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He finishes the move with a huge splat.

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-Good luck finding that, Zach.

-The other Defenders have started well,

0:15:560:16:01

but what's happened to Shaiden?

0:16:010:16:03

Hey, Shaiden! You going to stand there and look pretty all day

0:16:030:16:06

-or are you going to do something?

-So, you admit I'm pretty?

0:16:060:16:10

And the bickering begins! Will this help the Attackers?

0:16:100:16:13

-It hasn't helped Scott.

-He's struggling to get round the arm.

0:16:130:16:16

Ooh, and the same is true for Christine.

0:16:160:16:20

Although that's quite a classy landing!

0:16:210:16:23

Oh, and he's still splatting with accuracy.

0:16:230:16:26

-It looks like Christmas!

-Well, it does and it doesn't.

0:16:260:16:29

Stop hugging that thing. It ain't your girlfriend.

0:16:290:16:32

I don't think Scott's got a choice! Oh, and he's off.

0:16:320:16:35

-No "arm" done. Get it?

-HE LAUGHS

0:16:360:16:39

And the Defenders seem to be enjoying themselves way too much.

0:16:400:16:43

That's because none of the Attackers have built a ladder yet.

0:16:430:16:47

Oh, showing off his skills on the slime stick.

0:16:470:16:49

-Scott's not too impressed.

-I think he likes it!

0:16:490:16:52

No, he doesn't. None of the Attackers seem to be liking this onslaught.

0:16:520:16:56

Plus that arm is still getting in the way.

0:16:570:17:00

Scott will remember his time in the stockade for some time to come.

0:17:000:17:03

Zach has another rung! His ladder's almost complete.

0:17:030:17:06

-Thorne has spotted him.

-Hey, look this way!

0:17:060:17:09

And Zach is slimed!

0:17:090:17:11

Excellent. Let's see that again! And again! And again!

0:17:110:17:15

Hey, orange! Up here!

0:17:150:17:17

Orange is Scott, but Ballista doesn't care what your name is

0:17:170:17:20

as long as it ends in "splat".

0:17:200:17:23

Ballista's slime stick and the arm ganging up on Scott there.

0:17:230:17:26

Timmy and Zach are now struggling with the arm,

0:17:260:17:29

-and so is Christine.

-I've got something for you as well.

0:17:290:17:32

And Thorne still sliming Zach! His splat-Zach count is now up to five.

0:17:320:17:37

Christine has the first flag, but slides into a ladder.

0:17:370:17:40

The arm splats Patrick while Zach goes for a second flag.

0:17:400:17:44

Christine is nearly there, and Timmy now has his last rung.

0:17:440:17:47

The pace is hotting up, and Christine is first through.

0:17:470:17:51

Timmy now has the third flag. Just one left!

0:17:520:17:55

The Defenders really need to respond to this.

0:17:550:17:58

Even more slime from Thorne, but Zach doesn't care.

0:17:580:18:00

HE SHOUTS

0:18:000:18:03

He's the second one out of the Stockade

0:18:030:18:05

-and through to the final.

-Oh, and Jenna has the last flag!

0:18:050:18:09

Timmy now climbs to the top, so one place remains!

0:18:090:18:12

Which means Thorne has one last chance to slime someone,

0:18:120:18:15

-and he doesn't waste it.

-Yes, Jenna gets slimed,

0:18:150:18:18

but she's our fourth finalist. Well done, Christine, Jenna,

0:18:180:18:21

-Timmy and Zach.

-And farewell to Scott and Patrick.

0:18:210:18:24

It just wasn't their day.

0:18:240:18:26

One of these finalists is one step closer to claiming the crown.

0:18:260:18:30

But that is easier said than done,

0:18:300:18:32

because the Attackers now face all six Defenders.

0:18:320:18:35

The bad guys have been arguing all day, but if that changes...

0:18:350:18:38

-Tag team, Skabb.

-How about a double team?

0:18:380:18:40

..then, anything could happen. It's splat time!

0:18:400:18:43

Why don't we take a moment to celebrate some classic splats?

0:18:430:18:48

That's why we call it Splatalot!

0:19:140:19:16

Has today been more about Defenders losing than Attackers winning?

0:19:160:19:20

Round one was full of arguments between Skabb and Gildar,

0:19:200:19:24

but Ballista and Shaiden were getting a little cranky

0:19:240:19:27

-in round two.

-Yeah, they were. Like us at times, really.

0:19:270:19:30

But we never mean anything by it.

0:19:300:19:32

And if you ever get it in the neck from anyone,

0:19:320:19:34

-I'll always be there to give you a helping hand.

-Isn't that nice?

0:19:340:19:37

And if you're ever looking down, I'll always be right beneath you.

0:19:370:19:41

Now...

0:19:410:19:43

-THEY GRUNT

-What was that?

0:19:450:19:47

-Where were we?

-No idea. Let's take another look at the leaderboard.

0:19:470:19:51

Christine, Jenna, Timmy and Zachery will face each other in the final.

0:19:510:19:55

All six Defenders come out to play for this one.

0:19:550:19:57

They are Gildar, Skabb, Crocness, Shaiden, Thorne and Ballista.

0:19:570:20:01

And then there's the course itself. Look at the obstacles!

0:20:010:20:04

-Titanic teeter-totters!

-The foam-filled fountain!

0:20:040:20:07

The Defenders' weaponry firing at all times.

0:20:070:20:09

And then the barrier, the lily-pads and the water-wall,

0:20:090:20:13

all there to defend the Splatalot crown!

0:20:130:20:15

Drugs are bad! Stay in school!

0:20:150:20:18

The Defenders shouting with one voice.

0:20:180:20:20

Here are the Attackers - Timmy in the blue,

0:20:200:20:22

Christine in the pink, Jenna in the light purple

0:20:220:20:25

and Zach also in the blue.

0:20:250:20:27

-And they're off into the foam!

-Christine is first to emerge,

0:20:270:20:31

-but she gets slimed by Gildar!

-She looks totally surprised by that.

0:20:310:20:34

As if the course and the Defenders weren't enough to deal with,

0:20:340:20:38

the setting sun is now casting a shadow on the arena.

0:20:380:20:41

The Attackers have their work cut out.

0:20:410:20:43

And Zach becomes the first victim on the teeters.

0:20:430:20:46

Christine teetering, and hanging and splashing.

0:20:460:20:51

And Jenna getting quite a hosing from Ballista!

0:20:510:20:54

-Come on, sunshine!

-Is she talking to Jenna or the weather?

0:20:540:20:57

Skabb is a ray of sunshine, isn't he?

0:20:570:21:00

Christine needs to try a different technique, I think.

0:21:000:21:03

-Tag-team, Skabb!

-How about a double team?

0:21:030:21:06

Oh, this doesn't look good for Jenna!

0:21:060:21:09

On a count of nine! One-two-three-four-five-nine!

0:21:090:21:12

Not the most professional countdown, though the Defenders are united.

0:21:120:21:16

Jenna is not falling down - unlike Zach next to her.

0:21:160:21:18

And Jenna is the first to make it to the barrier.

0:21:180:21:21

Timmy is teetering, and once you start teetering you totter,

0:21:230:21:26

and a splat soon follows. Ooh!

0:21:260:21:29

Shaiden reloads, and Thorne joins in with the vaporisers.

0:21:290:21:33

But again, Jenna is moving forward.

0:21:330:21:36

Here she goes! She's onto the lily-pads!

0:21:360:21:38

Skabb gets in on the act. Christine is still struggling

0:21:380:21:41

with her tottering technique. Oh, tumbly tatters!

0:21:410:21:45

Back to Jenna, who is now a standing target.

0:21:450:21:48

Gildar has her in his sights. Will he splat, though?

0:21:480:21:51

No! That's a rare sight - Gildar missing.

0:21:510:21:54

-Ballista is targeting Jenna.

-She's too focussed on her,

0:21:540:21:57

-and the others are making progress.

-Jenna is still leading!

0:21:570:22:01

Christine has made it to the barrier, but she slides off.

0:22:010:22:04

If you don't make a clean leap to a lily-pad, you're sent back.

0:22:040:22:08

-Zach at the barrier now.

-You may have gotten past the ninja,

0:22:080:22:11

-but you won't get by me.

-Ballista and Shaiden have things to discuss,

0:22:110:22:15

and that gives Zach an opportunity to catch up.

0:22:150:22:18

If that wasn't bad enough, Thorne is now vaporising the poor girl!

0:22:180:22:21

-Will she survive?

-Yes, she will. She's now at the water-wall.

0:22:210:22:25

And Zach is still making progress. This could be close.

0:22:250:22:28

The Defenders are now focussing on all the front runners.

0:22:280:22:31

Christine was sent back alongside Timmy.

0:22:310:22:34

-I think their race is over.

-Jenna is nearly there.

0:22:340:22:37

Zach is now also on the wall, but I don't think he can catch her.

0:22:370:22:42

You're right! Jenna's made it. She's captured the crown.

0:22:420:22:45

You're proud of this? You're proud? You should not be proud!

0:22:470:22:50

There should be no pride here during the happy dance!

0:22:500:22:53

Gildar is such a sulk. What's wrong with the happy dance?

0:22:530:22:58

-Where would you like me to start?

-Oh, yes. It's not about him -

0:22:590:23:02

-it's about Jenna, our new queen.

-She is a worthy champion,

0:23:020:23:06

but don't forget, we've got another winner to pick,

0:23:060:23:08

because it's time for Splat of the Day.

0:23:080:23:12

Today's highlight came about during this classic encounter

0:23:120:23:16

-between Thorne and Zach.

-We've had other memorable moments.

0:23:160:23:20

Maybe fudge and bacon CAN work together.

0:23:200:23:23

But will Gildar and Skabb after today's arguments?

0:23:230:23:26

Most memorable of all was the crowning of Queen Jenna.

0:23:260:23:29

Here's her story. Jenna kicked off round one with this prediction.

0:23:290:23:34

I'm going to be the queen of the castle!

0:23:340:23:37

And so she is. So take it away, Queen Jenna!

0:23:370:23:40

I am the queen of this castle!

0:23:400:23:42

-See you next time.

-Splat you later.

-Bye.

0:23:420:23:45

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:23:450:23:49

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0:23:490:23:53

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