Episode 18 Splatalot

-It's that time again!

-Welcome to Splatalot.

We invite 12 brave warriors to go head-to-head

with the dastardly and downright devious defenders

as they compete to capture the Splatalot crown.

Will the attackers take over the kingdom and reign victorious?

Or will the defenders succeed in protecting their castle?

Who will tumble? Who will teeter? And who will go...

Splat?

-Hello, I'm Dick.

-I'm Dom.

-I'm Tinkor.

Welcome to the modern-day medieval world that is Splatalot.

-You say that...

-Yes, I do. In fact, I just did say that!

What date would you say modern-day medieval was, exactly?

-Exactly?

-Exactly.

-Sunday, the 25th of June, 1973.

-No, I said exactly.

-Just before tea time.

-Thank you!

That's the date sorted. What about Splatalot itself?

-Can it be summed up in one word?

-Hmm...difficult.

-Yes, I like it!

I haven't started yet. It's difficult to sum it up in one word.

-Oh.

-However, with Tinkor's help, I can sum it up in one sound.

SPLAT!

It might be easier to show you Splatalot in slightly more detail.

Yes. Yes, it might.

The six fastest attackers to cross the moat will be given the chance

to escape the Stockade.

Only four will succeed and make it into the final.

Yes, I definitely prefer the explanation.

But I still think... SPLAT!

..sums up the show as well.

But if you prefer, we can look at Round One in even more detail.

The pungent plank kicks off the Moat Challenge,

then it's up the slippery slope, along the rolling mace

and down the impossible incline. The beastly battle-axes are next,

followed by the rope bridge of disaster,

and the debilitating disc to finish.

Yes, I'm definitely preferring the explanation!

I know what you mean, but there's something about...

SPLAT!

..that you can't put into words. Thank you, Tinkor.

Scuttle off so I can introduce you and the other defenders.

-Are you all right?

-Shut up!

-They literally broke the mould when the made him.

-Tinkor!

-Next, our foul feathered friend.

-Kookaburra!

-And finally...

-Ballista!

-They have one simple goal.

-Defend the castle!

Well done, Kook. You've summed it up perfectly.

-Obviously not as perfect as...

-Stop! I'll save you the bother.

SPLAT

Lovely. Let's start Round One.

Tinkor has the vaporiser. Kook is acting strangely at the water drop.

And Ballista is...doing her nails.

Here's Lucas.

VEGETARIAN POWERS ACTIVATE!

Dom, you're a veggie. What kind of power is he talking about?

I'm not really sure but it seems to be working.

He's making the pungent plank look easy.

Lucas, I don't think we can get along

cos you're vegetarian and I'm a huntress!

Uh-oh.

Tag!

Oh, oh. Oh, fugwert! There's our first splat of the day.

We've seen it before. He answered back and paid for it

with a fugwert in the builder's brew.

Like a rubber ball, he bounces back... Nutty fudgekins!

Not so much rubber ball, more like football.

Nutty fudgekins and back of the net.

-Come on, Lucas. How bad do you want the crown?

-I want it!

SCREAMING

What's Tinkor up to?

It's hard to say. His world is very different.

Lucas now struggling on the second axe. Tinkor isn't helping there.

Ooh, that's going to leave a mark.

Splats don't get any bigger than that!

Lucas falls from the highest point and splats the other axe

before landing in the moat.

Good lad.

How about some water?

So far, the defenders have made Lucas's life very tricky.

-Ha-ha-ha!

-I am not a chicken! I'm a kookaburra!

He's right. This is a chicken. And this is Kookaburra. Quite different.

Back with Lucas at the debilitating disc.

This is never easy but it's a well-balanced start and... Oh, no!

-Into the googage water.

-Lucas back flips

and lands head-first in the gizoid.

Nice celebration, taunting Kook with his chicken dance.

You can't stay away!

Yes, Nicole. But can YOU stay away from Ballista's splatzooka?

Nicole, really? Really, for a war cry?

Ballista's not impressed and... wallopy-do!

Those balls can't stay away from Nicole

and neither can the spikes here, here, here, here, here

and into the blingwad.

Onto the battle-axes,

and Tinkor's remembered to use his vaporiser this time. Ooh!

And the axes provide their second big splat of the day.

Kook can't even look!

She's made it over... No, she hasn't! Mud muncher!

It was an up-and-down round, but Nicole finishes in six minutes.

Looks like Kook can't cope with her victory dance, though.

Oh, my eyes are stinging! Oh, my gosh.

Time for our next attacker. Here's Shania.

Purple dinosaur!

-Come on, Shania, let's play.

-This could end in tears.

Shania! Sha-Sha-Shania!

Sha-Sha-Sha-splat.

Purple-dinosaur-loving Shania is at the mace. Can she cross it?

Fopsberk!

-I think she was distracted by SOMETHING.

-I think you're right!

It didn't stop her completing the course in 6:32.

-She seems very happy with that.

-So's Tinkor.

I LOVE this wetsuit!

You can't have it. It's rented.

-Hi.

-Ballista's getting friendly.

-Now she's getting all fiery!

-This can't end well.

-Now she's getting REALLY fiery!

-But she's missed!

Ohhh...klinge muffler!

If the defender doesn't splat you, the course will.

-What's that?

-One of Tinkor's moat mates.

Here's Mitchell on the incline. Here he goes...

Oh, belly slaphead!

A case of the left foot not knowing what the right was doing,

Mitchell's in the moat, really testing the wetsuit!

And really testing the other attackers,

because that's the fastest time so far.

Can it be beaten by our next attacker, Benito?

THIS...IS...

You can't beat that.

Hi, Benito!

-Inverness!

-Oh! Ha ha!

Ballista's warm welcome is cold comfort for Benito

after that Inverness. Can he recover?

Oh... Oh, widget! No, he can't.

I think he was distracted again. We really need to drain that moat.

-All right, Burrito!

-Did he say burrito?

-He meant Benito.

-He said burrito!

-His name's Benito!

-Benito's burrito?

-Benito's Benito!

-# Let's call the whole thing splat! #

-Benito Burrito finishes in 4:49.

Oh, it's disgraceful!

Here's Ana!

I love fluffy white dogs! Ruff!

Hoo! Splat.

That's an impressive start. Not white and fluffy, just pretty rough-y.

Ana walking the plank, the pungent plank, that is.

-But she's heading downstairs.

-What?

-Look!

-Oh, yeah! Very good.

Here she is at the battle-axes. And Tinkor lets one go.

Lovely! Oh, she's wobbling.

Oh, and fettuccini primavera! Was that all down to Tinkor?

No, it wasn't. Look again. You'll see Ballista's got her

-with a sneaky back splat.

-That was too much for Ana.

She's OK but stops there. She does not finish the course.

So, halfway through, Benito Burrito leads,

and Sha-Sha-Sha-Shania is in the danger zone.

But no-one's REALLY safe yet,

because with six more attackers to come,

we don't know who'll go through. WE DON'T KNOW!

Easy, easy!

But I can see why you're getting so excited and agitated.

This round and the crown are still up for grabs.

OK, here's a quiz to see if you were really listening in the first half.

-Put this blindfold on and stand on one leg.

-Why?

-It's the rules.

-Oh.

-OK. Who loves his wetsuit?

-Er, Mitchell.

-What did Lucas call Kookaburra?

-Er, Chicken Man.

-Who can't stay away?

-You can't stay away!

-Yes, but who said it?

-Nicole.

-Who loves purple dinosaurs?

-Er, give us a clue.

-Shh, shh.

-(Give us a clue.)

-That IS the clue!

-Mm...Shania!

And finally, what is this Mexican snack? Sniff it and lick it.

-Benito!

-Burrito! Brilliant!

Here's a reminder of the first half.

So, is that it, then? We finished? Dick?

The first-half attackers aren't the fastest ever,

but they're all evenly matched, which means the course is tricky today.

Hello! Anybody?

Can the remaining attackers get around any quicker?

These are the times they'll have to beat.

-Ahh!

-Back to the course.

Awwwwwooooooo!

I know just how you feel, Julian.

He howls like a wolf and runs like a fox.

-Get this guy some bubble bath!

-Hey, Julian!

-Uh-oh.

-Porter down! Ballista continues where she left off.

But he's at the mace. He's sprinting...

Oh, no, now he's splatting.

This might be why we've not had any fast times.

The mace has stopped everyone so far.

He needs to be careful on the incline - speed... Oh!

..never works.

Speed demon Julian needs to occasionally take his foot

-off the accelerator.

-He makes it over in the fastest time today.

Well done, Howlin' Wolf!

Here's our next attacker, Katrina, who also didn't cross the mace.

Let's do it up!

What's going on, Chicken Ma- Oh... I mean, Kook!

-I had a cat called Katrina once.

-You did?

-She couldn't swim either!

Ooh, a bit harsh. Buh-buh-bum-bum-bum cakes!

Kook's taunting and the incline's daunting, quite a combination.

-What will Katrina make of the disc?

-And what will the disc make of her?

-Turn this up, T.

-Kook wants more water pressure.

-Thank you!

-Tink delivers and...

-Boosh! So does Katrina.

Up goes the water pressure, and down goes Katrina.

The second back flip of the day.

Katrina finishes with an impressive 5:43.

-Yeah, you know! Ooh, chemistry. Whoo!

-Even Kook's impressed.

Let's get wet!

Sounds like Taylor knows what's coming.

Taylor, there's NO way you're going to make it across this mace wheel.

My buddy Tinkor made it. No way you're getting across.

Ballista's right. No-one's made it across today.

Humpty dumper! And neither has Taylor! She's in the moat.

She gives the mace a big hug before splatting in the love lav.

Will she give the incline a big hug?

Ooh! Gherkin Nora.

This has it all. Taylor loses her grip,

Tinkor emits the perfect cloud, and she disappears

before getting totally gherkined.

And Taylor finishes in a healthy time of 5:27

which will be enough to see her through.

-Here's Stefan!

-I'm hungry!

-Well, that's nice!

-Are you thirsty?

-Want to know what I do when I'm hungry?

I HUNT! Splat!

Splat indeed and Stefan's down.

He's sliding all the way back down into the camomile lotion.

It's like Ballista's turned it into a game of Snakes and Ladders.

But he's made it to the debilitating disc.

-What will Kook throw at him?

-Water pressure's building.

It looks like it's on maximum. Bangly diggeridoos!

Stefan finishes in 5:29, which is good enough to qualify.

I'm the Queen of this castle!

-Not yet, you're not!

-Luck of the battle-axe!

Uh-oh! Tinkor's getting a bit overexcited!

He'll need a nap after this. She steps onto the axe

-but Tinkor isn't letting up.

-It's like he's frozen her to the spot!

This is against the clock, Audrey.

Not often you see Kook lost for words.

-Maybe she'll be Queen of the battle-axes instead.

-Come on, Audrey!

Yeah, she really needs to get a move on now.

-I could be sleeping still!

-You should go back to bed.

-Oh, look. The defenders have started to nod off.

-Tinkor hasn't.

I don't think you pacing up and down's going to speed her up!

-Look, she's still there.

-Oh, come on Audrey, please!

Amazingly, Tinkor's still got some gas left.

It's NO good. I need the loo!

Oh, wait a minute. She's moving. Dom, you're missing it!

After ALL that time, she's up, onto the second axe, she's over.

-Dom! Dom!

-Still there, is she?

Oh, great. I was only gone for a minute!

Audrey's also gone. She wasn't fast enough.

-Here's final attacker, Chyrelle.

-Crazy monkeys!

-IMITATES MONKEY

-That's woken everyone up.

-And she attacks the course like a crazy monkey!

-Look at her go!

I'm so glad you're here. I thought you were going to miss the party!

Now we can have some fun! Whoo!

-Whoo! What happened?

-Crazy monkey Chyrelle tried to hurdle the mace

but it wasn't having it.

The mace has beaten all 12 attackers today, a new record.

Here she is at the incline.

Amazingly, Tinkor still has some vapour left.

Ooh! Hairy man mould!

-Round of applause for Chyrelle.

-Yes! Put your feathers together.

Who'd like to see THAT again?!

Cue the splats!

Oh, yes! That's why we call it Splatalot.

-Not only is she fine, she's through and Kook's loving it.

-Can't stop me!

Joining her in Round Two will be:

That was one of the most challenging rounds we've ever had.

But as always, it's whittled the attackers down to the six fastest.

And they'll be moving onto the Stockade.

This round determines who will make it to the final,

so it's going to get very splatty indeed!

Round Two has a lot to live up to after Round One, wouldn't you agree?

TINKOR CHUCKLES

Yes. The biggest star so far has been the course itself.

The moat really tested the attackers today. I think you'd agree.

-What are you doing? Oi! Clear off!

-Sorry, mate. I thought it was you.

You know, the height and the... BLOWS RASPBERRY

Charming(!) So 12 have become six.

Here's a reminder of the attackers who've made it thus far.

Fastest to slowest, we have:

The attackers begin by crossing the barrel-infested hexagon.

Then they leap onto the hexapods to grab the rungs

-to build their ladders.

-Once built, they can grab a flag and escape,

but with only four flags, two won't make it.

To make things harder, three new defenders:

Blue ninja, Shaiden,

blue winger, Thorne,

-and finally...

-Aaaah!

-..the one and only Skabb.

-Splat!

-Splat!

The attackers are looking focused.

-So are the defenders.

-I'm going for the one on the blue ladder.

Chyrelle, in the light-green helmet.

Taylor's in the pink. Benito's in dark green. Julian's in light blue.

-Stefan's in red. Katrina in purple.

-They'll soon be foam-coloured!

KLAXON BLASTS

They're off! Onto the hexagon and over the barrels.

Skabb's straight in with the goo grenade.

-Not so tough now, are you?

-Shaiden goes for goo, too.

Katrina leaps but doesn't land cleanly so has to try again.

Ooh, it's getting tasty. Lots of jostling going on.

Here's the foam I was talking about.

Skabb decides to add slime to the mix.

Julian has the first rung.

Taylor nails her landing on the pod. But just look at that foam fountain!

She ignores it and claims her first rung.

-Katrina also has a rung.

-Stefan leaps onto the pod,

but Julian flops into the foam.

-It was a face-first foam-filled flop.

-How fernickety.

Benito Burrito is now joining the foam fest,

-but he has his first rung.

-Thorne seems very happy with his work.

-Chyrelle leaping like a crazy monkey.

-Doncaster!

Skabb uses the splatzooka to get Katrina.

And it's all getting very messy in the middle

making the attackers sitting targets.

-That was me.

-That was good!

Yes, with a little help from Shaiden

and Stefan, who knocked Katrina over on her bot-bot.

She won't mind - she and Julian have another rung each.

They leap together. Julian makes it to the barrel

but Katrina doesn't. She goes for a dunking in the foam.

And comes out looking like the Abominable Splatman.

The foam is taking its toll now and slowing everyone down.

Taylor still has the energy to leap, though, and just manages to hold on.

Skabb's spotted Julian finishing his ladder and gives him a little slime.

-That's a bucketful!

-It didn't bother Julian

so Skabb took it to the next level.

Chyrelle now with a rung and a foam overcoat. Splatty-tatty-tip-top-tum.

Everything's getting slippy, so everything's getting splatty, too.

This looks promising. Julian has the first flag.

-He makes his way to the ladders.

-Julian won the first round

so it looks like he'll enter the final with a perfect record.

Taylor isn't too far behind. She has the second flag.

This round is really hotting up. I'm sure Katrina agrees.

Taylor and Julian at the top.

-They're through. Ooh! Hugs all around, eh?

-Nothing wrong with a hug.

Even Katrina's hugging the pod. Really hugging it. Katrina, let go!

Benito and Stefan both get another rung.

A great leap from Chyrelle! But not a great landing.

And all the while the attackers are pelted by the defenders.

Four attackers out there. But only two flags remain.

Someone needs to make a move. Maybe Katrina will.

-Ohh!

-Just as she was about to throw the paintball back at the defenders,

Skabb takes aim and splats her. Mother Gizzy!

The flags are up for grabs. Shaiden making it hard for Chyrelle.

Katrina's recovered from the splat

and...she's going for a flag! In fact, she grabs two.

-Greedy Katrina!

-And she heads for the ladders.

Meanwhile, here's Benito with his last rung.

Here's Katrina at the top joining Taylor and Julian in the final.

Benito has the final flag and goes to his ladder. Just a few steps!

-Chyrelle makes one last leap...

-As Benito makes it through.

And that's the end of the round!

We say goodbye to Chyrelle and Stefan. No reward for them.

They have to find their own way out.

There IS a reward for this lot.

Yes, there is. The final and the crown await our finalists.

They've done well getting this far,

but there's still one huge "obstockle" left.

There are several huge "obstockles" remaining.

They've got teeter-totters, slime sticks, slippery splats,

even more splats, slippy slides and lots more.

-What have we learned today so far?

-We discovered early on

-that we can sum up Splatalot in a single sound.

-Put it away!

Plus, you don't know a Benito from a burrito.

I was blindfolded! What have we learned about the attackers?

-I'll lend you my stat hat and you can find out for yourself.

-Exciting.

Here we go. Julian is the red-hot favourite.

He's won the Moat and Stockade.

Taylor has a slight edge over Katrina but they both look strong.

That leaves Benito, who struggled a bit in the last round,

-but still made it to the final. Wowsers, that was amazing!

-Yes.

So today's finalists are:

And here are their opponents, all six defenders,

Kook, Ballista, Thorne, Tinkor, Skabb and Shaiden.

Here's the Capture The Crown round.

The attackers drop into the mud baths.

Then there's a glide over the slippery slides

to the Titanic teeter-totters.

They go to the barrier of all barriers over the lily pad lake.

Then it's up the water wall to the Splatalot crown.

Benito's in green, Katrina's in purple,

Julian's in blue and Taylor wears pink.

One, two, three, four! # Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh

-# Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh! #

-Another terrifying battle cry.

KLAXON BLARES

They're off. Down into the mud baths.

Kook and Skabb waiting

but Julian and Taylor are just too quick.

Benito and Katrina not so fast on the slippy slides, though.

-Ooh! Careful, Katrina!

-Julian's first up on the teeter.

Is this a new tactic?

Oh, dear. Kook is adding to his collection of feathers

and swapping fashion tips.

Is this the right time?

They might be deliberately distracting the attackers.

Benito's taken the bait! Oh, fuddle. Down he goes.

-And Taylor's down, too.

-Julian looks focused and heads for the barrier.

He's nearly there... Sidmouth!

As he's about to climb up, Ballista splats him,

which means he has to go back to the teeter.

Time for Katrina to have a go.

She sprints, and oh, mud puddle! She splats.

Benito under attack from Tinkor.

It doesn't make that teetering any easier!

You certainly don't need Tinkor slime when you're teetering.

Taylor steadying herself. But down she goes.

That had everything, a slip, boink, thwack and a splat. Marvellous.

Benito is still under fire. And he's down again.

Katrina attempts another sprint.

-Can she get to the barrier?

-The defenders have spotted her.

She's doing well.

She needs to pull up both feet on the barrier before moving on.

Taylor teeters and totters again.

But Katrina just does enough to clear the barrier.

-The defenders step it up now.

-The water wall make waves for Katrina.

-Tinkor piles on the pressure with the water canon.

-Can the others catch up?

Nope! Taylor's down again. She can't master the teeter.

The teeters have been the undoing of many a fine attacker.

-Katrina is in the lead.

-Getting lots of attention from the defenders.

-Here's Taylor again. Will it be the same result?

-Maybe not.

-She's held on this time.

-Juli hasn't.

Taylor makes it to the barrier. She's up and she's over!

The girls are leaving the boys behind!

Bryston! Katrina now has the defenders AND Taylor to worry about.

Julian has another go and he's just about held on.

-He's up onto the barrier.

-Could this be a three-horse race?

He's struggling and he's down.

Back to the front-runners. Taylor finding it hard to get to grips.

Katrina is ahead of her and only a few leaps away from the water wall.

-Taylor's up there and making progress.

-Katrina makes a move.

-It's turning into a game of chess!

-How?

-I don't know! I'm very excited!

Katrina's at the water wall! Has Taylor got anything left to give?

-She has! She leaps towards the platform.

-But Katrina is climbing.

-Surely it's too late for Taylor.

-It is. Katrina has the crown!

She's the new Queen and ruler of Splatalot. The winner takes it all!

And to rub it in, Thorne vaporises Benito back into the moat.

-Katrina is cock-a-hoop.

-Skabb isn't.

Wow! Where to begin? Katrina and Taylor really showed the boys

-how it should be done.

-But there can be only one Queen

and Katrina has proved herself to be a worthy champion.

I think we'll all agree, there can be only one Queen.

What if I said to you we have two Splats of the Day?

I'd say good! Double the fun.

Our first splat comes from Chyrelle.

BOING!

That's a sound that sums up Splatalot.

Incredible. Our second comes from Lucas, who wobbled

and splatted spectacularly. An amazing exhibition

so they are our Splatters of the Day.

Back to Katrina. It seems like only 20 minutes ago

we were introducing her in the Moat Challenge.

That's because we were!

But if you recall, she only just qualified in sixth place.

She improved, becoming the third attacker to escape the Stockade.

And she never looked back in the final, leading from start to finish.

That's all for today. We'll leave you with the flag-raising ceremony.

And the sound... SPLAT!

..that sums up Splatalot. Bye!

I'm the Queen of the castle!

-You know you had that coming, don't you?

-Yes.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd