Episode 12 Splatalot

-It's splat time!

-Yes, welcome to Splatalot, the magical, mythical

kingdom where ten brave young warriors go head-to-head with those

despicable defenders as they compete to capture

the much-treasured Splatalot crown.

Argh!

Can the defenders keep the castle safe from the attackers or

will our young warriors overcome every obstacle

and find a true champion to rule the kingdom?

One thing's for sure, there will be the odd tumble,

the occasional tilt, a hint of teeter, and a whole load of splat!

-Hello, I'm Prince William.

-I'm the Duchess of Cambridge.

And this is Splatalot, the perfect marriage of the majestic mayhem

and splat-fuelled sovereignty.

-Of course, not all of that is strictly true.

-I knew it!

I always had my doubts about you, Kate.

No, I mean, it's not always the perfect marriage.

Yes, it's fun to watch the attackers

and defenders battling it out amongst all that mess

and mayhem, but that moat doesn't clean itself, you know.

Someone has to tidy up afterwards. Sure, it looks lovely now.

I mean, that Moat Challenge would be perfect

if ten attackers didn't have to race across it.

Then in Round Two, the six fastest just mess up the course completely.

For the Final, do you know how long it takes to clean after they

-splatter their way to that crown?

-So, what are you saying?

I think you can help around the place a little bit more.

What do you mean? I take the defenders for a walk every night.

But they're still not house-trained. They ruined those scatter cushions.

Let's get back to Round One.

We start with the baffling barrels and piercing pellets,

then it's up the slippery slope and across the rolling mace.

-Which is a nightmare to clean.

-All right.

Beware the splatzooka guarding the impossible incline,

which in turn leads to the battle-axes.

The bridge of disaster follows, and finally,

the debilitating disc takes you over the finish line.

Which can get really grubby.

Grubby doesn't even come close to describing our next lot.

Yeah, that course wouldn't get half as messy

if it weren't for this menagerie of mediaeval muppets.

Yes, it's the defenders.

Three of them will be taking part in the Moat Challenge,

-and they are - the brainless barbarian.

-Skabb!

The mouthy mess-meister Madeva.

And finally our blue-eyed basher, Thorne.

I'll be the thorn in your generic screaming.

ALL: Raar!

Thorne is on the aqualizer. Skabb's on the splatzooka.

And Madeva's on slime duty. Here's attacker number one, Christianna.

Crazy funky monkey. Woo!

How will our crazy funky monkey do on the barrels?

-Crunchy, funky, funky.

-Funky chunky, funky monkey chunky.

-Funky, funky, trunky.

-Crazy funky monkey. It's not that difficult.

Funky monkey chunky, whoa!

-Screamy, scabby, splatty-watty.

-Can we all stop talking like toddlers?

Well, Christianna has toddled beautifully over the mace.

Down the incline, she's overbalanced and hickey-splot!

You'd have thought that tail would have helped.

-If it were real, it might have.

-Let's see your funky monkey, girl.

I like it. It's funky. Here comes the monkey. Chimpanzee that.

She's in the moat.

Well, a little bit of monkey business often leads to a big, fat,

juicy splat.

-Monkey swimmy-splatty, sunky-monkey.

-He's just saying words now.

Here's Christianna on the bridge.

Thorne unleashes the aqualizer and Christianna gets a soaking,

-but she doesn't fall.

-I don't like monkeys.

Can she use her monkey skills swinging on the rope?

Nimble puppies.

Well, she swung like a monkey but landed like an elephant.

An elephant wouldn't get this far round the course.

But that heavy landing hasn't stopped her from posting

an amazing time of 2:56. And it hasn't stopped us from gooing her.

-Here's our next attacker.

-You've got to risk it to get the biscuit.

Mmm...biscuits. I'll have one.

There are no biscuits, just barrels of water.

-I don't like water biscuits. I'm a garibaldi fan.

-It's just a phrase.

-In this case, the crown is the biscuit.

-Oh, what kind?

-It doesn't matter.

-It does to me. I'm not risking it for a ginger nut.

Back to the course. Alexsandra's too fast down the incline and minky.

She risked it for the biscuit, but

that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

That joke really takes the biscuit!

And Alexsandra takes next to no time getting round the moat.

3:38 is pretty slick.

Just like that goo.

-Live big!

-But splat bigger.

Slozapretti! Josh gets a proper Splatalot welcome

from the slippery slope.

No, Dom, I think you'll find that this is a proper Splatalot welcome.

-Argh!

-Argh!

-Argh!

Well, that welcome hasn't fazed Joshua at all.

He's over the mace, dodging the paint balls, and dealing with the slide.

Plus, he's keeping his balance throughout.

Pity, because that means less splat.

Joshua lives big with a very small time of 3:13.

-Rorr!

-Thank you Maarukh. But it's

not quite in the same league as Skabb's roar.

I'm sure he'll have something to say about that.

I will teach you some vocal exercises. For example, badoom!

Another valuable lesson from Skabb there.

Has he taught Maarukh anything?

-Valuchi!

-Actually, if anything, she's now even quieter.

Girl, you better recognise who you messing with.

Umuroo! What a water blast.

But despite that impact, she still gives the defenders the

silent treatment and stays on her feet with cat-like precision.

Maarukh finishes in 6:49.

-I'm 15 and I have a beard.

-That's nice, Hasan.

I think you'll find the barrels are pretty hairy, too.

I can see some determination in this child. Well, this man.

This man, yeah.

-Or, as he says, the Hassassinator.

-We going to hassassinate him.

Well, Hasan hasn't let the defenders get to him.

He's on the mace, but he's slipping. Wackanang!

Yes, Hasan dunks his goatee in the moaty.

How will he cope on the battle-axes? Nearly there.

Onto the second and mezzaloonie! You know, sometimes,

a splat comes along that you just want to see over and over again,

and then maybe even one more time for good measure. Marvellous.

There goes the hairs on his chinny chin-chin.

Well, even after that close shave with the axes,

hairy Hasan finishes with a pretty trim time.

So how about some pretty grim slime?

Now that was a fast first half. But who was the fastest?

Let's check out the leader board.

Christianna is safe in first place, but Maarukh might not be

roaring into the next round, as she's currently last.

Her fate lies in the hands of the next five attackers, who'll be

doing their level best to beat those first half times.

And remember, the defenders will be doing their best to slow them down.

-So the outcome is still uncertain.

-But we can absolutely,

definitely, 100% guarantee that it will get very splatty indeed.

There is one other thing we can guarantee.

Our first attacker of the day,

crazy funky monkey Christianna, is through to the Second Round.

Yeah, the six fastest attackers automatically qualify.

So, with only five more attackers to race,

Christianna has secured sixth placed at the least.

But there are a lot of fast times in the first half, so I'm

not sure if I'd want to be in any of the remaining attackers' shoes.

-Well, you know, they don't always wear shoes.

-Even better.

-Neither do I.

-Oh, man! Toe cheese!

Let's have a look at those fast times again.

So, Christiana's through, but Josh, Alexsandra

-and Hasan are all under four minutes.

-The defenders are back

out on the moat, but in the second half they have a lot to prove.

Here's Rafael.

I get girls. Why? Because I'm Raf.

OK, Raf, but will you get the barrels?

No, the barrels have just got him.

-Please don't laugh, but Raf has just gone "paf".

-Hey, Rafael.

Is that a Spanish name? I speak Spanish. Did you not know that?

I didn't know that, Skabb.

Hablo espanol!

The vocal coach is now giving Spanish lessons.

-I'm in the mood for a taco.

-Oh, dear.

I think Madeva is confusing Spanish-speaking Mexico,

where they eat tacos, with Spain,

whereas everyone knows they only eat Spanish omelette.

Andale, andale!

Splutterle, splutterle.

Yes, the rain in Splatalot falls mainly on the Rafalot.

Forget the Spanish lessons, Rafael is getting a lesson in moat defence.

But to be fair, I think he just got an A star in applied splatting.

But it's not an A star for that time of 9:17,

which puts him in last place.

-I like squirrels.

-Well, I'm sure they like you, too, Brittany.

Brittany braves the mace and now she's ready to take on the incline.

She's got a bit of balance, this one.

She reminds me a bit like a squirrel!

-Can we make Skabb and Brittany's dream come true?

-Yes, we can.

Although, I think she should lose the tail before she gets to

the battle-axes.

Now, can she maintain her balance? So far so...oh, pizza-cherry!

And bushy-tailed Brittany has to take a sip of moat juice.

-You think it's easy, do you?

-Why isn't Thorne defending?

Irawoddy, that's why.

And for a brief moment, Brittany becomes a flying squirrel.

But as any pilot will tell you,

the flying part is easy compared to the landing.

That one was roadkill.

And that time of 3:20 is good enough for Round Two.

-Yolo!

-Yolo, you only live once, says Carly. And we say splatto!

I didn't know bodies could do that.

Well, Carly proves to be quite agile.

I'm not sure I could pat myself on the back with my own foot.

Nearly over the mace now and...folo-bashy!

I'd like to see that again three times. One,

two, and a three. Thank you very much.

On to the battle-axes. Zongza!

And the water blast does it again.

But when you combine that with the incline,

you get one spectacular splat.

Child, that was so nice, I might have to do it twice.

Hargh!

-Awkward.

-I like that.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. Give me a hargh!

-Hargh!

-Hargh!

-Hargh!

Oh, dear. The defenders get lost in their own little world,

but will Carly lose out too?

That time of 5:16 puts her in sixth place.

Bleurgh.

-Nom nom bacon!

-Here's Tobias.

Dargh!

I though a mosquito just landed on my hand.

Don't make Skabb angry, Tobias.

-Come on, why aren't you defending?

-Now he's taunting Thorne.

Uh-oh.

How'd you like that?

Thorne gets a little payback, but it won't bother Tobias.

2:15 is the fastest time today. He doesn't even seem to mind the goo.

Blue, my favourite colour.

-I like pink!

-Well, I like chips, Victoria. Now get on with it.

Oh, dear. Liking pink doesn't seem to have helped for some reason.

In fact, she seems a little bit adrift.

She's got a long way away from those barrels.

Come on, Victoria, do we have to draw you a map?

You need a GPS, girl!

-What are you doing?

-Drawing a map.

-Where would I be without you?

-There she is!

-Now, can she find her way over the mace?

Boo-roola!

Sadly for Victoria, it doesn't seem to matter which direction she takes.

She always ends up in the moat.

Well, eventually, she finds her bearings,

but that time is simply just not good enough.

GOO-d-bye, Victoria.

And hello to our fastest attackers.

Yes, they proved to be the fastest round the moat,

but can they now Ditch The Dungeon?

It'll be an uphill struggle for some,

a downhill journey for others, and a torrent of splats for one and all.

We have three boys and three girls who've made it through Round One.

We know they have speed, but do they have what it takes to get

-through Round Two?

-What's that?

-What's what?

-What it takes?

To do what?

To get through Round Two. What does it take to get through Round Two?

Ah, well, most importantly, they need to have that certain je ne sais quoi.

-What's that, then?

-You know, je ne sais quoi. The X factor.

The X factor. Thank you, Gary Barlow.

So, in summary, to win Round Two, they need to have what it takes,

a certain je ne sais quoi, and the X factor.

-Well, I'm sure we're now all the wiser.

-Just here to help, dear.

So, here are the six attackers with that certain indefinable something.

Let's reveal the course that stands between them and the Final.

-It can be best described as...

-No, no. No, you don't.

It's called Ditch The Dungeon. And this is how it works.

Before I send in the loathsome ladder, the attackers must escape

from the stock market,

and make their way over the slippery splat walk.

It's then time to climb to the top where four flags await

the fastest four attackers.

But in their way will be all manner of slimy, grimy weapons.

And in no particular order,

the three defenders chosen for this round are...

The feather-wearing, green-haired, bundle of joy we call Kookaburra.

The vile arch villain archer we call Vane.

-And the defending ace who's only nice to your face.

-Faetal.

-All for one.

-And one for most of us.

Wow! What a team.

So the attackers are in the stock market.

We have Brittany in yellow and green,

Hasan in orange, Alexsandra in the zebra stripes,

Tobias in blue, Joshua in green, and Christianna in yellow.

Vane is prepping.

Faetal is focusing and Kook is singing to himself, as usual.

And they're off!

Once out of the stocks, they make their way to the dungeon gate.

Little bit fiddly, there.

Hey! Pick that up. Pick that up now, yes, everyone pick that up.

Pick it up, put it over your head.

For a minute there, they were actually listening to him.

He is the master of confusion.

Oh!

-That was almost delicious, Kook.

-It's toothpaste.

-Your oral hygiene sucks.

-I know.

-Open your mouth, I'm dentist.

And dentist Kook gives Brittany a foam-filling.

That leads to a moat-water mouth rinse.

So what I'm trying to do here, guys, is I'm creating a portrait.

That's the first layer, that's the white,

-now put some blue on there.

-Oh, beautiful.

I don't know much about art,

but I do know I wouldn't ask Kookaburra to decorate my house.

I think he's a true artist.

His work is bold, dynamic, and full of cascading colours that

collide with each other, then take new directions.

In other words, it's a splat-fest.

-Zebra-hunting.

-Alexander's in Vane's sights.

-Down she goes and zwobble!

Hasan, bro. You got a beard, that's pretty cool.

We're beard brothers, bro.

That's got to give Hasan some cause for concern. Coollolly!

That slimeball has definitely concerned him.

Hasan must wonder what just hit him.

First, Vane getting friendly, then Faetal getting fiendly.

-Oh, headshot.

-And Christianna's down.

There's only one queen of this castle, Christianna.

-Pretty serious defending there from Faetal.

-Stop what you're doing.

What's Kookaburra up to? Oh, no!

He's prodding Brittany with a pokey pike.

And that's enough to send her spinning and sliding.

Yes, it's bath time for Brittany. But she does do it in style,

spinning 360 degrees as she heads down the ladder.

Here, I'll help you out, I'll help you out.

Alexsandra pauses to consider Faetal's offer

and ignores it completely.

But she still loses her grip and takes Joshua with her. Sookagawa!

In fact, it's a multiple splat.

First, Alexsandra takes out Joshua, who takes out Brittany,

and then Alexsandra finishes it off with Tobias. Wonderful stuff.

Nice work, rookies, you're doing really well.

Really good job, Faetal. You want to hold it like this, though.

Oh, thanks, tips.

Not sure if the other defenders actually appreciate Kook's advice.

Joshua, nearly at the top.

He bows down as if receiving a knighthood from Faetal.

But instead, receives a trip down the ladder. Arrakarry!

And once more, one attacker's downfall is another's undoing,

as is Joshua collides with Alexsandra and they both

-end up in the kishka.

-Go away.

Kookaburra's really making use of that pokey pike today.

-This time, Christianna is suffering.

-Great leap from Hasan!

-Dominoes!

-Yes, there go Christianna, Joshua, and then Alexsandra.

-That moat is getting pretty familiar.

-My artwork's ruined.

-Is that Van Splat?

-From vile jokes to the vile volley.

-Moo-moo!

-This time, Tobias gets spluttered back down the ladder.

And just when you thought it couldn't get any

-harder for the attackers...

-Oh! It's the purple plague!

-It's the purple plague!

-Yes, here it comes, and there they go.

The plague's wiping out everything in its path. Can it be stopped?

-I could hit the rewind button.

-But that just means it's

-going to happen all over again.

-I know, it's great, isn't it?

So, the plague is released, but from this angle, you can see Hasan

cheekily grabbing onto Tobias,

who slips and tries to take Hasan with him.

But he fails and start sliding down.

Hasan still trying to hang on, then reaches over to Brittany,

forcing her to lose her grip, and they all head downhill.

I don't know what he's got to smile about after all that.

Hasan's taking out his teammates.

Brittany and Tobias ping themselves back up though.

Faetal prods and Tobias once again slides.

Take out the yellow, take out the yellow.

Goomaloo!

This is more work than jazzercise.

-Do you think all the defenders work out to jazz?

-I doubt Skabb does.

Now, can the attackers get back into this? Joshua's throwing paint balls.

-And he hits Kookaburra.

-Kookaburra's actually crying.

But he stopped defending, leaving Faetal with it all to do.

The attackers are almost there. Kookaburra's still having a strop.

Vane tries to hose them back down the ladder, but it's not working.

Faetal gives up, the attackers have broken the defenders!

Brittany makes it to the flags first, then it's Tobias, Alexsandra

and Joshua, all pretty much together.

Christianna takes a slide of shame. Look out, Hasan. Nearly.

Hasan, what happened to the power of the beard, bro?

Hasan puts on a brave, beardy face.

But the rest put on an impressive display of flag-waving and cheering

because they know they've made it to the Final.

I quit! I quit!

So, the finalists are:

Wow! What an incredible round.

-I've never seen Kookaburra in such a stroppy mood.

-And he's quit!

Yes, we haven't just lost two attackers,

we've lost a defender, too.

Which will make the crown even harder to defend in the final.

So, will that give the attackers the upper hand?

Don't forget, that course is incredibly splatty

with or without Kookaburra.

Time now for Splats Of Fame.

Where we take a moment to celebrate some truly classic splats.

And that's why we call it Splatalot.

Time for a splat stat attack.

Now, many of you have questioned why Dick wears this.

But it's the hat doing all the work,

as I shall now prove on this shop dummy. Take it away.

Joshua and Alexsandra have similar records.

He has come up third and fourth so far,

whereas she has finished fifth and third.

Brittany is our most improved attacker, she came

fourth in the Moat Challenge, but won Ditch The Dungeon.

However, Tobias is the favourite with

the first and second place to his name.

What have I missed?

I've just proved that you're about as useful as a shop dummy.

Here's a reminder of the finalists:

Ooh! Hang on! Here's some breaking news.

Kookaburra has asked for his job back.

Yes, he's apologised after his earlier outburst

and the others have forgiven him.

So they're now back to full strength for the final.

Which begins with the dire mire and barrier of all barriers.

Then it's a trip across the terrifying tees which leads to

the scary-go-round.

Once onboard, the attackers have to get up and over the

annihilating arm before landing on the gruesome twosome.

Once past the clobbering cannons, it's down the royal ramps

-and over to the rock wall.

-Then after a tricky climb,

the Splatalot crown awaits its new champion.

Vane and Faetal there looking focused and ready.

Skabb appears happy.

-Thorn is determined.

-Kook, under the weather. And Madeva, well, who knows.

And here are the attackers. Brittany's in yellow and green,

Tobias is in blue, Alexsandra's in stripes and Joshua is in green.

Around they come to the dire mire.

Joshua slightly ahead, but Alexsandra is catching up.

And she's the first over the barrier.

Joshua has another go and, yes, he's over, too!

-Looks like Alex has lost her stripes.

-And Vane's lost his aim.

Brittany's still barred by the barrier. Joshua's the first to brave

the terrifying tees and the first to fall off.

How about Alexsandra, good, good, good, good. Whoopeedoo!

That one looked like it hurt.

She was so focused on her feet that

she never saw the water blast coming.

Brittany's now joined the others just as Tobias has a turn on the tees.

Can he make it?

No, he can't. How about Britty-Brit? No, she can't either.

Those tees are tiresomely tricky today.

Here's Alex. Leaping onto the scary-go-round.

How did she get up here?

Back to Tobias on the tees. Wow! What a leap.

-Yes, that was the Tee-rrific.

-Unlike your bad puns. Joshua, hanging on.

Are you still on the tees, bro?

Come on, I got to eat lunch. Got to eat brunch.

You're just around the corner.

Alex is on top of the arm but look at this.

Britt is trying to sneak under. Adratini!

Nice try, Brittany, but the arm wasn't having any of it.

Tobias leaps onto the scary-go-round and he's...dukesing.

Can Brittany do any better? Yes, she's on the arm.

-Welcome to Thorne's cartoon quarter.

-What's Thorne on about now?

Be very, very quiet. I'm hunting attackers.

And true to his word, Thorne vaporises Brittany.

But she's made it onto the gruesome twosome.

Yes, another great leap, and somehow, she hangs in there.

Alexsandra still needs to get past the arm. Wimbledoodle!

-I tawt I saw an attacker. I did! I did!

-Bachoy!

Thorne's pretty animated today.

Thorne, you actually defended for once. Good job, champ.

That's rich after Kook's display in Round Two.

Alex seizes the opportunity to leap.

Thorne tries to stop her but she manages to hold on.

Now, can Tobias do the same? Nishy-wacky!

Splattering splattertash.

And it just goes to show that in this game,

a miss is as good as a splat in the moat.

But he picks himself up and heads to the clobbering cannons.

If you haven't seen the show before, you might be wondering why they're

-called that.

-That's why.

-Beltex!

-They always fall for it.

-Quite literally.

Joshua tries the gruesome twosome and he makes his landing.

Alexsandra has made it over to the royal ramps. Chronic toot!

The royal ramps there with yet another right royal splat.

Joshua's turn now. He makes it onto the second ramp.

Brittany's ready to join him. There she goes, and yam-yoo-yo!

Well, true-grit-Brit delivers a high kick,

but the ramp just sends her moatwards.

Skabb rules number 33, don't shower unless by me.

Argh!

What more scary?

That rule or the fact that there are another 32 just like it?

Joshua is getting drenched.

Skabb rules. Kookaburra, ally up!

Skabb shouts for a goo-grenade, Kook delivers and shabooshi!

What a rare glimpse of the defenders working together there.

Kookaburra throws Skabb a goo-grenade and down goes Joshua.

The defenders are celebrating but have they spotted Tobias?

He's made it onto the rock wall.

He's climbing and making good progress.

Can the defenders stop him?

He's almost at the top, just a few steps away from the crown!

What about the other attackers?

No, Joshua's too far away to do anything about it.

Tobias is there, he reaches for the crown

and becomes the new King of Splatalot!

-Yes!

-Joshua came close but not close enough.

-What's Kook up to?

Oh, that's not the headgear Brittany was hoping for.

And Tobias looks triumphant in his new tower.

So, well played, King Tobias.

As Dick predicted, he was the red-hot favourite going into

the Final and emerged a worthy champion.

Got anything to add to that? Eh? No? Lovely, this is so much better.

What's he doing back?

Sorry, I thought it was you. Right, time for Splat Of The Day.

And it comes from Rafael in Round One.

He had a blast until he was knocked off his feet

and collided with the incline.

Yeah, you can almost see the surprise in his eyes as

if he's had the shock of his life, like he's just found out

that his best friend has replaced him with a shop dummy.

It was an honest mistake, OK? Anyway, we can't discuss that now,

as it's time to look back at the journey to the crown.

Tobias was fastest round the moat, finished second in Round Two,

and didn't disappoint in the Final.

So let's hear from our new ruler. All hail King Tobias.

My first act as King of Splatalot is to throw one of you in the moat.

I'd love to throw all of you in, but today, it will be you, Kook.

That's payback for Kookaburra's awful behaviour in Round Two.

-Payback. I like the sound of that.

-What do you mean?

It's my bro, right there, brobra.

-I see, so this is your idea of payback, is it?

-Yep.

We'll have plenty more splats for you next time,

but for now, we'll leave you with the Splatapult ceremony.

Take it away, Kook!

I need a life guard! I need a life guard!

Preferably a good-looking one.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd