Episode 6 Splatalot

Welcome to Splatalot!

The magical kingdom where ten brave young warriors

go head-to-head with those despicable defenders,

as they compete to capture the much treasured Splatalot crown.

-Shamone!

-Can the defenders keep the castle safe from the onslaught

of the attackers?

Or will the attackers overcome all obstacles

in their quest to rule the kingdom?

So, who will tumble, who will tilt, who will teeter

and who will go splat?!

-He's Dick.

-He's Dom.

And this is Splatalot,

the mythical game show that's muckier than a wet dog in a sandpit.

And messier than your bedroom.

It's a special edition today,

because our final will take place at night!

But don't worry, we won't scrimp on the splats.

No-one has ever accused us of splat-scrimping.

No, we don't intend to start now.

-What's a splat-scrimper exactly?

-No idea.

The show starts with all ten attackers

trying to cross the merciless moat.

The fastest six will then attempt to ditch the dungeon.

The four who survive that will then compete in our night-time final

for the right to claim the Splatalot crown.

That crown looks even more majestic in the moonlight.

We've got a long day and three rounds ahead of us

before anyone claims it. Here's the moat challenge in more detail.

The attackers start in the splatter pool,

which launches them towards the slippery slope.

At the top they'll find the rolling mace.

And then it's a slippery slide down the impossible incline,

followed by a steady step across the beastly battle-axes.

The bridge of disaster leads to the wavering warhead and the finish line.

When you break it down like that it sounds pretty much impossible.

It's about to break down even more,

because it's time to introduce the villains of the piece.

Please look away now if you scare easily.

-Aaargh!

-I did warn you.

Defending the moat today is the archer with an appetite, Vane.

The chain mailed mischief-maker Madeva. And...

-Kookaburra.

-The fun-fuelled feather duster from Down Under.

Vane is fearless!

-KOOKABURRA CROWS

-Aaargh!

So, we're ready for round one. On splatzookas we have Kook and Madeva,

and it's a sleepy Vane on the aqualizer.

Here's attacker number one, Tianna.

Watch and learn, boys!

So what are we about to learn? That Tianna splats superbly?

Make your way, make your way! Show the boys what you got.

Cardina-lawri!

Do you know, I think Madeva just SHOUTED Tianna into the moat.

Yes, but I think the rolling mace had something to do with it.

Tijuana - do you want a splat?!

Tijuana, who's your favourite defender?

Not you!

Well, that's just a terrible decision to make,

because I've got a loaded splatzooka here.

Good point, Kook.

Despite Kook getting her name wrong, I think Tianna should reconsider.

Let's try it again, Tijuana!

Who's your favourite defender?

-You.

-Yes!

Brave job. See, now you can go.

Well, she's a quick learner.

And a quick splatter. That's her second one.

So far, the rolling mace and the battle-axes have proved tricky.

Yes, Tianna got round Kook, but can she get round this course?

Should have said the battle-axes, then you would have been OK.

How will she do on the bridge?

Tijuana's here, I love Mexican food!

Her name's not Tijuana, it's Tianna!

And Tianna's about to take another trip!

Watch and learn, she said. Well, I've watched her splat repeatedly,

and learnt that she's not a Mexican city.

-Is that all you've got?

-I got some of this.

I think I've learned that Tianna is quite a fighter.

She's splatted a lot,

but now she's made it over the finish line in 6:04. Not bad.

Rice does not grow on the plains!

Wise words there from Brendan, our Michael Jackson fan. Who's bad?!

Oh, dear, this could be a long round.

I've heard you like the King of Pop. You can call me the Queen of Splat!

That's funny, cos Brendan just wants to be called the King of Splatalot.

Down the incline, and ron-con-cooma!

You need to reflect. Look at the man in the mirror.

Ah, Kook's a Michael Jackson fan too.

No, he's just spotted the enormous mirror that's appeared.

Two splats for the price of one.

Slippery!

Aw, buffins macaw!

Check this out, Brendan's not moonwalking, he's moatwalking.

That is bad - but not in a good way.

And so's that. Is that really the right way to defend the moat?

Back to Brendan at the wavering warhead...

But no, he's slipping, sliding like a smooth criminal.

That was...bad?

Everything's just so bad.

-Shamone!

-But that time of 3:15 is good.

Brendan, do you have a bunch of less talented siblings too?

-I love sparkles!

-Here's sparkly Stef.

Wow, what a splatapult!

She's actually an incredible 5.2 metres above the moat at this point.

Yeah, but not for long. See what I mean?

-Hey, Madeva.

-Yeah?

I heard there's a big executive coming later,

so be on your best behaviour.

What did you say to me, Kooky?

A big executive? Kookaburra's up to something. Kaka-riki!

Well, whoever they are,

they're missing out on some superb splatting from Stef.

And she finishes with a time of 6.36. Here's Caleb.

Freedom!

You want freedom?! Ha-ha! Consider me the SPLAT-UE of Liberty.

Thanks, Madeva - and Caleb loses his footing.

Yes, he made a free choice.

He decided he'd rather be IN the moat than listen to Madeva's jokes.

-Very good job.

-Kookaburra being nice, trying to put Caleb off.

And it does - cinnamon-mutation!

Well, Caleb says he wants freedom, but he couldn't escape

the clutches of the battle-axes when it comes to splatting.

-They never fail to deliver.

-That's how you splat!

He can't escape from Madeva either!

But Caleb's no longer a prisoner of the moat, because he's finished.

Where's that exec? I'm getting tired.

-Here comes thunder!

-And here comes ketchup-hating Chloe.

I heard you hates CATSUP, is that right?!

And I hear Madeva can't pronounce "ketchup"!

She's afraid of ketchup, lucky for her I only like mayo.

Well, the ketchup-mayonnaise debate ends

as Chloe finishes in 9.45.

Guys, it looks like the big executive is coming in.

I might take a break.

He's definitely up to something.

Now, with six attackers going through

and only five more to come, we can safely say that whoever's

leading at the halfway mark is through to Round Two.

So let's check out the leaderboard to see who that is.

It's Brendan, with that impressive time of 3:15.

Tianna, Caleb and Stef are all pretty close.

But Chloe looks in trouble, with that time of 9:45.

So, times under six minutes are what the next five attackers are after.

That could be achievable.

But it also depends on what mood the defenders are in.

One thing for certain is the course itself,

which is always in the mood for splatting.

So, before we get back to the action, what do you make of Kookaburra today?

-You mean all this big executive nonsense?

-Ridiculous, isn't it?

Even if the top boss of CBBC itself turned up,

-that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

-What do you mean?

-Well, it's not like I'VE done anything wrong.

-But I have?

-Is that what you're saying?

-I'm not saying anything.

Is that what other people are saying?

Well, apparently they think you could be a lot nicer to me.

-And you should be a little bit more spontaneous.

-More spontaneous?!

-I need to think about that.

-Why not just pie yourself in the face?

-Don't think about it, just do it.

-But...

-Be spontaneous!

Do you want to keep your job or not?

Brilliant! Here's the leaderboard again.

Brendan's already through to the next round, but the others are going

to have to sweat it out to see if their times are good enough.

Madeva's back on splatzooka, Vane has the aqualizer,

and Kookaburra, wait a minute!

-I think we're about to meet the big executive.

-What?!

Get 'er done!

Did you just make me pie myself for no reason?

-Can't talk now, Tristan's on the course.

-Hello, everybody.

I'm the executive. But you can call me Wally.

Wally? How appropriate!

How did he move so fastly?

Tristan impressing the executive with his bridge-crossing skills.

Oh, wow. This kid's quick.

He grabs the pole, and clears the moat with spontaneous ease.

-I'm warning you.

-And he's there in 1:33.

That kid was amazing!

For the motherland!

Here's self-proclaimed genius, Austin.

Oh, yeah!

Austin - I hears you intelligent.

You's a regular Eisenstein.

E=mc bam, baby!

More absolute nonsense from Madeva.

But her splatzooka does all the talking here.

That paintball knocks Austin off the mace, and into the spume.

-He's back up, though.

-Show me your intelligence.

More chat from Kookaburra, and more splats from Austin!

Well, he slid down the incline by the seat of his pants,

and it doesn't take a genius to work out why.

Poor old Austin lost his footwear after he fell off the mace.

Shouldn't have skipped gym class, champ!

And Kook shouldn't have skipped charm school.

Now, how will Austin's bare feet cope on the battle-axes? Badly!

You've got to feel sorry for him.

This slippery course is practically impossible without shoes.

So, understandably, Austin pulls out and does not finish.

I will destroy this castle!

And burpy Andrea flies like the wind.

I heard you can burp the alphabet.

I've got indigestion too. But it don't sound like the alphabet!

Too much information from Madeva there. Crimson rozella!

Finally, an attacker after my own heart. A woman who belches.

And Andrea knocks the wind out of the defenders' sails

with an amazing 3:07.

Here's attacker nine, Kiyan, who says he gets scared easily.

Ahhhhhhhh!

Kiyan could well be in the wrong competition.

But it might just be a clever ploy to fool the defenders.

-We ain't got all day.

-Maybe not.

I ain't got the time, child, come on! Move!

The thing is, Kiyan hasn't got the time either.

That's the slowest splat we've ever seen.

There's no point even slowing down the action replay.

Kiyan knows he's too slow.

But I doubt he'll scare so easily after this brave effort.

I just got confirmation that this is a new Splatalot world record.

For the slowest time!

Congratulate yourself. Jump in the moat again!

it's a record, but not the one he wanted.

I wish I was in pink!

I'd have thought colour coordination would be

the least of your problems right now.

Our song-loving attacker's at the slope, and is about to meet Madeva.

Yes, I want to hear you sing. Madeva's a fierce singer, you know.

Madeva's hard on the ear at the best of times.

-But she was on song with that splat!

-Sing us a bar or two.

# I want to hear you sing, yeah yeah yeah... #

Missy-belly-bath!

Mandy's out of tune with the mace, and lands flat in the moat.

Onto the axes...

Chicka-parra!

Well, the first step is often the hardest, as Mandy just proved.

But once again she's on song when it comes to landing in the moat.

Sadly, 9:35 is not fast enough to qualify for the next round.

Should have worn pink.

But she does end on a high note.

So, through to Round Two are Tristan, Andrea,

Brendan, Tianna, Caleb and Stef.

Excellent! What a splatty first round that was.

And Ditch The Dungeon promises to be just as messy.

Remember, this round determines who our finalists will be,

so it's all to play for.

Yes, we're about to lose two more attackers,

leaving just four to battle it out in our spectacular night-time final.

DOM BLOWS RASPBERRY

-What was that for?

-Just being spontaneous.

Sorry, I just couldn't resist.

I thought it was obvious that Kookaburra was up to something silly.

I never thought you'd pie yourself in the face.

Well, I blame you, entirely!

-And I will have revenge. Oh, yes.

-HE LAUGHS EVILLY

I can still hear you, you know.

Anyway, I'm sure there's a bunch of people who'd like to

-get on with the tournament.

-Ah. Yes.

You're right. Let's get back to the game.

Here's a reminder of the six remaining attackers,

who are about to ditch the dungeon.

We have Tristan, Andrea, Brendan, Tianna, Caleb and Stef!

If you're new to Splatalot, then shame on you! Where have you been?

What he means is, if you're new to Splatalot,

here's Round Two in more detail.

I know what I meant!

So, in order to Ditch The Dungeon,

the attackers have to break out of the stock market,

cross the splat wall and then make their way up the lonesome ladder.

Of course, they do all of this while fending

off the defenders, who have all manner of slimy, grimy weapons.

Once at the top of the dungeon, they must claim a flag

to secure their place in the final.

So, two attackers won't make it.

But the ones who do won't have an easy time either,

-because they'll be up against three fresh defenders.

-Fresh?!

Have you ever stood up next to one of them? Pwoof.

We have the baddie with moat breath, Thorne.

The fragrantly foul Faetal.

-And the soap-shy...

-Skabb!

He never showers.

We're going to give you an education.

-I have my high school equivalency.

-Skabb went to school?!

So, the attackers are in the stock market.

They all look pretty positive, focused and ready to go.

But that's pretty much how I'd describe the defenders.

So this could be quite a contest.

KLAXON

And they're off. Once out of the stocks, they head to the gate.

Which they seem to be having trouble with.

It's a gate! You see that big lock on it(?)

And at last, it's open.

-Not very bright, these attackers, already.

-Skabb's angry.

Andrea, don't swallow this, because if you do it might make you belch.

Faetal is here to teach you to be a lady.

-Tristan! What's 9 + 9?

-What?!

-Slime!

-Well, Skabb did promise to educate the attackers.

Brendan, I heard you like Michael Jackson.

Well, I bet you can stop till you get enough!

Oochy-pock! Another big splat from Skabb.

Brendan's a bit of a thriller! Isn't he? You should beat it, Brendan!

Who'd have thought that Skabb was a Michael Jackson fan?

Don't you mean Michael Splatson?

Not funny.

-Andrea, if you burp the alphabet we'll let you get up for free.

-No!

I can't belch the alphabet, but I can say it.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V,

-W, X, Y, ZED.

-It's ZEE!

-It's Zed.

-It's Zee.

-It's Zed.

-No, it rhymes.

Only the defenders could have an argument over the alphabet.

Meanwhile, Thorne is sliming Tristan.

Yes, it's a full-on slime attack.

After a slight delay, Tristan loses his grip and down he goes,

all the way to the moat. Musta-mackera!

Luckily for him, Andrea was there to break his fall.

Incoming!

Uh-oh, Skabb's on the multi-shot splatter batter.

The multi-shot splatter batter?

Yes, and that won't make life any easier for the attackers.

Thorne prefers a good old slimeball.

See? Simple and effective - just ask Tristan.

I would, but he looks a bit busy, especially if we make him

-do it again.

-Yes, this is a splat to savour.

Tristan slips and slides, trips up Tianna,

slides some more and finishes with a lovely 360 spin.

Sometimes, this is more of an art than a sport.

Get down from there! Yucky!

Skabb is seriously sliming Andrea, but she's hanging in there.

What is wrong with her?

BELCHING NOISE She's not budging, just belching.

And her bad manners are simply too much for the other attackers.

Here's a riddle for you all.

What's large, green, and called the ball of doom?

The ball of doom!

It's the ball of doom, it's a rolling splat-fest!

And it's coming our way!

DICK AND DOM SCREAM

Oh, dear, that's not good.

What are we going to do now?

OK, we're professional presenters, we must entertain at all times.

But how?

I know, let's both pie ourselves in the face.

Three, two, one!

Oh, yeah.

-How's that for a knockout?

-Couldn't have put it better myself, Thorne.

-That was mean.

-Hey, you did it to yourself.

-What's wrong, buddy?

-Why can't you just move off?

-Who's up for a game of poker, eh?

Well, the defenders are talking the talk,

but the attackers are almost at the top.

The ball of doom has spurred them into action.

Tristan is the first to break through -

yes, he claims the first flag.

But Andrea won't be joining him just yet.

Brendan looks like he could be the next one through,

but Thorne holds him up, allowing Caleb to finish in second place.

-And Brendan's down!

-My stick!

-Ah, this is good -

Brendan's taken Thorne's poky-pipe with him.

That could help the other attackers.

So, two flags claimed, two remain.

And we have three attackers in contention.

Skabb tries to slow them down, but Andrea crosses the finish line.

And Tianna trips, which allows Stef to get there before her.

How unlucky!

So, Stef and Andrea go through,

and Tianna misses out by the smallest of margins.

Brendan won't be going through either.

Tristan celebrates and so does Caleb.

No celebrating for poor Tianna,

as she and Brendan take their slides of shame.

-Have some of this, then!

-Someone needs to tell Thorne to calm down.

-He should save all that slime for the final.

-Nobody mocks me!

No, almost everyone I know mocks him.

He should let the finalists have their moment of glory.

Those finalists are Stef, Caleb, Tristan and Andrea.

They will be competing for the right to rule the kingdom of Splatalot.

But remember, they'll be competing for that right at night.

It all adds to the drama. There's something

so exciting about the final taking place when it's way past my bedtime.

And when's that, normally?

Well, it's never later than 7:30 on a school night.

You're all right, then, my sleepy friend - this is a splat night!

So, with the final just around the corner

it's time for a Splat stat attack. Here's the Splat stat hat.

-What are you doing?

-Being spontaneous. Ooooh...

Stef has qualified last in both rounds,

so might struggle in the final.

Andrea has finished second and third so far.

And Caleb is our most improved attacker, with a fifth

and second to his name.

But Tristan is the favourite, having finished first on both occasions.

-Did you enjoy that?

-I don't know, really, it just kind of...

-Words came out of my mouth.

-I'm going to have to give it a wash now.

That's rich coming from you,

you think having a shower is when the dog licks your face.

Here's a reminder of today's finalists!

We have Tristan, Andrea,

Caleb, and Stef.

They're about to do battle with each other.

But they're also about to do battle with all six defenders.

They're a mixed bag of rage, mischief, nonsense,

stupidity, ruthlessness and tomfoolery.

And those are just their good points!

Here's the Final Round in all its flame-lit glory.

It starts with a trip across the dire mire

and the barrier of all barriers.

Then it's a totter over the terrifying Ts,

which lead to the scary-go-round.

Then the attackers head to the gruesome twosome.

They then have to make it past the clobbering cannons,

head down the royal ramps and leap onto the rock wall.

And whoever climbs to the top first will become our new ruler.

Thorne's looking dapper in his hat,

Skabb and Vane are having an awkward moment,

Faetal and Madeva look focused,

and Kookaburra is unusually silent on the aqualizer.

The attackers look extremely confident.

Stef's in pink, Andrea's in stripes,

Caleb's in yellow and green and Tristan's in red.

And they're off!

-So, the first challenge is the dire mire.

-Tristan's there first.

Tristan and Caleb attempt the barrier, and they're over!

Although Tristan lands slightly more gracefully than Caleb,

which gives the favourite a slight lead.

Here he is at the gate, look at him go!

Faetal and Madeva don't have time to react

and Tristan takes the Ts in his stride.

Oh, no he doesn't - the rules say he has to land on his feet.

What a shame. It's Caleb's turn now.

I think it's Caleb - he's completely covered in mire mud.

The water blast just misses him, but he's down!

Well, at least he can wash that mud off in there.

Doubt the moat's any cleaner than the mire!

Stef is on the Ts - Barton and the beans!

-The Ts are terribly tricky tonight.

-Terrible!

Prove us wrong, Andrea.

Go on. Aw!

-She just jumped in.

-Exactly, Madeva.

Tristan ties the Ts again, and once more he crosses them with ease.

This time he makes his landing! He's on fire tonight!

Can Caleb match him?

He's much slower, but it's steady progress,

and yes, he's over, too!

Tristan's made it onto the scary-go-round

and is speedily heading over to the gruesome twosome.

Start splatting the news, I'm fogging today.

He certainly is.

Tristan jumps into a cloud of vapour,

but amazingly he makes another landing!

Ladies, what are you doing!? Hurry up and move!

You've got the girl power, girls!

Do it together!

Andrea! Andrea! Andrea! Andrea!

That didn't seem to help Andrea - how about Stef?

Stef! Stef! Stef!

-Oh, that's better!

-Yes! Stef succeeds on the Ts,

but has some catching up to do.

Now, can the cannons slow Tristan down?

He's teetering...

and slattocks!

Finally, we found an obstacle he can't do.

I was beginning to wonder if he was human.

You can call me the chairman of the castle.

I haven't the foggiest what he's on about.

Neither has Caleb, as the fog restricts his view.

Straight down the middle!

The replay shows exactly what Thorne means -

Caleb can't see clearly and falls right between the gruesome twosome.

On the count of six - one-two-three-four-five-six!

Oooh! Bachelor's bump!

Spanners in the night, exchanging goo grenades.

In case you're wondering, Thorne is a Frank Sinatra fan.

-I wasn't.

-Fair enough.

Caleb on the cannons... Ooh, and it's a clobbering!

Stef's now approaching the gruesome twosome, and she...

That wasn't even a leap, was it?

Andrea's turn now, and, well, she just copied Stef.

This is unusual.

Hey! Ladies first! You've got to wait!

This is even more unusual!

Thorne's helping the attackers. Andrea even gives him a hug.

Surely not Skabb, as well?

No, course not, it's Skabb.

What's this? Skabb's being attacked by a bee!

Which is the perfect opportunity for Andrea to get her own back.

Stef's there, too.

They both make it past the cannons and the bumbling defenders.

I understand you can't sleep without a nice glass of water, here we go.

Whoa!

Kook unleashes the aqualizer, but it doesn't stop Stef.

She's on to the royal ramps.

And Andrea is about to join her!

Stef leaps, but no, it's too slippery.

At night, you can really see what a big part the aqualizer has to play.

SINGING

Have they forgotten they're supposed to be defending the Kingdom?

Hey, guys, can I be part of the Splatpack?

OK.

Oh dear, oh dear.

And that, folks, is the dictionary definition of "awkward".

The defenders need to concentrate now,

as Andrea's about to jump and Caleb's not far behind.

Oh! Andrea doesn't jump, she splits!

If she's not careful, the others are going to use her as a bridge!

Kook turns up the water pressure, and he needs to -

Tristan's now also on the ramps.

Can Andrea sort herself out?

Yes she can! She's onto the wall.

But Caleb and Tristan are ready to join her.

Caleb leaps...

and blew it.

Yes, in these wet conditions it looks like Andrea

had the right technique, after all.

But Tristan still decides to leap, and he's made it!

Well, he has made pretty much every leap he has tried today.

This is amazing! Two attackers on the wall at the same time.

It could not be closer. The defenders just look helpless.

And Tristan makes it over first, he reaches for the Crown,

and we have ourselves a new champion and ruler of Splatalot!

Are you kidding me?!

The defenders are stunned. So is Andrea.

Caleb at least had a go at the wall, and so did Stef,

but Tristan is our new king!

That has to be one of the best Finals ever!

Each attacker had their chance

and two of them were in it to the bitter end.

You've got to feel sorry for Andrea,

but Tristan never gave up and truly deserved the top prize.

But, who's won the consolation prize?

Well, he's only gone and won that, too.

Yes, the Splat Of The Day goes to Tristan in the second round.

Thorne sent him slipping, sliding and splatting into the moat.

He even landed on his archrival, Andrea.

They've been inseparable all day.

Here's how Tristan became king.

He started with a super-fast trip round the moat...

..then in the dungeon he was the first to grab a flag,

making him the red-hot favourite for the Final.

He nearly lost out to Andrea, but he dug deep

and emerged our victorious new ruler - all hail King Tristan!

My first act as King of Splatalot

is to have one of you thrown into this swamp.

I wish I could do it to all of you, but tonight it will be you, Skabb.

Well, I'm not sure I agree. I thought Kookaburra was bad.

Vane was terrible, and Madeva was full of nonsense.

Then, of course, there was Thorne and Faetal...

-That's all of them!

-Oh, yeah!

Well, that's it for another splendid Splatalot.

All that remains is the highly enjoyable moat ceremony,

which this week takes place on the scary-go-round.

Take it away, Skabb!

We'll have plenty more splat for you next time. So, until then...

-BOTH:

-Keep splatting!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd