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SPOOKY LAUGHTER # Creepy ain't the word
# Freaky ain't the word
# Sneaky ain't the word
# See what I've observed
# There's no easy way to describe this geeky place
# Even geeky place doesn't tell you what I need to say
# This is Strange Hill
# Where a talking frog can eat your face
# It's very, very random
# You'll get used to these debates if you stick around
# Although I wouldn't recommend it
# When they used the name "Strange", mate, they really meant it
# There's some things in life with which you just don't mess
# On every vest I got the letters SOS
# Cos you never know what might be lurking round the corner
# And what it might do if it ever found or saw you
# Keep the lights on in the hallways, all day
# Things won't always tend to go your way
# Watch your back and be prepared
# Can't wait for 3:30 See you there. #
SCHOOL BELL RINGS
"..The Corn Laws did not affect merely corn.
"Barley was also affected. As were certain types of rice..."
Oh... Must stay awake...
But every word, more boring than the last!
Oh...! Only 30 pages to go.
1883 was another interesting year.
It consisted of 365 days.
Of those, 52 were Mondays.
52 were Tuesdays. But only three were Wednesdays,
after a ship carrying the nation's Ws
was sunk by an inconsiderate giant squid.
MITCHELL MAKES INSECT NOISES
Mitchell, stop! You're so distractible!
-You're such a yo-yo!
My yo-yo! Brilliant.
That's it for today. Don't forget your projects are due tomorrow.
A history project? When has he ever mentioned this?!
Every day this term. When have you not been paying attention?
-Every day this term. You done yours?
Mine is about the Strange Hill building and its many mysteries.
Guess I should've emptied the milk out first.
My project's about the electrical storm
that nearly destroyed the school in 1881.
OK, I have one afternoon to do this.
Well, 15 minutes - I don't want to waste an afternoon.
I'll copy something from the library.
-Are you, um, totally crazy?!
-Like, boy is INSANE!
The library! The library! Ah-ha-ha-ha!
-What's wrong with the library?
-He said it again! Noooo!
Nobody goes into the li-berry!
No-one who goes in ever comes out!
What? That's crazy!
That's why nobody goes in.
Because of the BOOK.
Pleeeeease change the subject!
A book so boring that if you read it...
You. Might. Vanish.
-Yeah, good one! Way to fool the new guy.
-I don't joke about no book!
Not even a joke book, fool!
Donald went to the library yesterday. Poor Donald.
Poor, mysteriously-vanished Donald.
You are crazy people. I need to pass my report.
I need books. Books in library.
Now I know libraries can be scary places,
full of books by Beeeeatrix Potterrrrr!
-But are you going to help me or not?
just try to scare yourself out of me!
I don't know the meaning of the word fear.
I know a lot of synonyms for it, though.
"Filling my pants with raisins" comes to mind.
What are you doing here?!
We're students. Students use school facilities. I attend this school.
-Here I am.
-Shhhh! Talk quietly!
Somewhere up there is the world's most evil book.
Oh! No, I guess not.
Let's do my report then.
There's a big old book. I bet that book's full of history.
Or book bugs. Either way, neat!
"A Most Intriguing History Of Strange Hill High,
"by Bartlemass Baddooee, 1881."
-Mitchell, this must have something good for your project!
You guys start looking for a topic for me
and I'll go find a pencil so you can write it up. For me.
"Strange Hill High was founded in the year 12 by a man named John.
"There was not much going on in Britain,
"so John had time on his hands..."
Hmmm... Pencil, pencil.
Ooh, The Big Book Of Tanks!
"The year 14 wasn't much different than the year 12,
"except that John was now known as "John The Acorn Eater".
Urgh, get to an interesting part!
Even the interesting parts aren't interesting!
"1066 - had a visit from Norman."
Ooh, go to the Great Storm of 1881!
You can't make a big, electrical storm that destroys a school boring.
Here we are! The Great Storm of 1881!
"The day began, as most school days do, at 8am.
"At 8:30, the skies were still clear.
"At 9, a bell rang out.
"But it was not the storm bell, merely the regular 9am bell."
"At 10am, nothing happened and it soon became 10:01..."
Where'd they go?
Did you see where my friends went?
-The friends I came in with.
-No, you came in on your own.
-No, I didn't.
-Yes, you did.
-No, I didn't.
-I see only you.
No, I came in with two friends.
Maybe you imagined them.
Are you an only child?
Yes, I am. But there were three of us.
You're a very persistent young man and I don't like that.
Three of us.
I'll check the records.
Nobody has been in here for... 12 years.
Look, you really must go. It's closing time.
It's 11:15 in the morning.
OK, I'll go.
Going is good. Goodbye.
Where are we?
As far as I can tell, we've been abducted by aliens.
Which ones, I cannot say.
That's crazy. Why would aliens have an old broom?
RESONANT METALLIC ECHOING
What's this? What's that sound?
Don't you know what it is?
Travelling at light speed!
We are most certainly on a spacecraft!
Yes, that book must've been some sort of star-gate,
A draw for the bravest and brightest.
We have been chosen!
Take me to your leader.
CHILDREN RECITE: 19th April, 1605...
We come in peace! Under the shadow proclamation Section 44...
..April, 1605 was a Wednesday....
And the 21st was?
Would it be a Thursday, Master Balding?
No, Shackleton! There was no Thursday!
Thursdays were destroyed in the Gunpowder Plot
and we had to make do with a cobbled together day called Wednefrisday.
Yes, Mr Balding is an alien.
Now, children, if you'd all like to wipe clean your slates...
Fascinating! This must be how they digest their prey.
..and write down today's date.
May 5th, 1881. Why does that date look so familiar?
-The Great Storm!
It's the date of the storm that destroys the school!
-We've got to...
-..rescue these kids!
Mr Balding, you don't know me, but you do, well, you won't yet,
but you will. Listen, there's going to be a terrible storm today
and you have to get everyone to safety!
Young lady, I cannot have this type of disruption in my class.
There's going to be a disruption, all right -
b-b-b-boom! Smash! Smash! Aargh!
I'll have to send you and your compatriot to my office.
In the name of the Interstellar Peace Treaty, we...
1001 Party Hats. Cool!
DOOR HANDLE RATTLES
We're locked in!
The Great Storm is coming and we're stuck in a room
with stuffed dodos and...
Ew, what is that?
No, Becks, don't you realise what's happened?
They've selected us to be part of their alien zoo!
A Most Intriguing History Of Strange Hill High.
What's that doing here?
Oh, where was I? Oh...oh, yeah, my friends!
The book they were reading might have a clue.
Find the book and... Aw, filing cabinets?!
Where's the computer?
That's got to be it!
HE GROANS AND STRAINS
A Most Intriguing History of Strange Hill.
Hmm. Becky and Templeton had this book and went missing.
So did Donald.
So must've all of these kids!
Book, prepare to be read!
Well, skimmed through, actually.
CHORAL VOICES: # Aah-aah! #
-"Written By Bartleby Balding."
That's Mr Balding! What's going on here?
It's the operator's manual for the spaceship!
And Mr Balding is the pilot.
Or he's a spaceship himself, operated by tiny aliens.
-Let me see.
-What? No, that's nuts!
THEY GRUNT AND STRAIN
-Wait. I'm all gasped out.
We just caused it to say, "Written by Bartlemass Baddooee," which is
what it says in the future. So if we did that, that means
we can use the book to communicate with whoever reads it in the future!
That is the most absurd thing I've ever heard.
"The Great Storm of 1881.
"The day began, as most school days do, at 8AM."
-BECKY AND TEMPLETON:
-Wake up, Mitchell!
'We got sucked through the book.'
'Ignore him! But help us! We're stuck in 1881!
'The Great Storm is coming!
'Turn the page!'
"Baddooee is Balding. It's his book.
"He's behind all the disappearances.
"Get Balding and get help. And don't get distracted."
How could Mr Balding have written a book hundreds of years ago?
Mr Balding is immortal!
Or at least really, really old.
Oh, hello, young Mitchell.
Just what I expect a time-bending, school-destroying villain to say
as he falls into my trap!
Would you like a cup of tea?
No, I'm fine, thanks. Are you feeling at all trapped yet?
What's your game, Baldy? Destroy the school?
Destroy the school?
I love the school! Been here my whole life.
I was writing a book about it, once.
Yeah, a book so boring it's opened a borehole in space and time!
Hmm, that boring, eh? Oh, dear.
Been around so long, history just lost its pizazzle.
You remember the last time you felt pizazzled?
Ooh, uh...the 12th century. It was a Wednesday.
Hmm. You said you love this school?
Think about all the amazing stuff that happens here!
I've just been here a few weeks
and already I've seen stuff that would pizazzle your pants off.
Like when they found that mummified king in the basement!
Oh, that's the sort of thing that you find exciting, is it?
Yeah. Skeleton with a crown? Duh.
Now, listen. Exciting is the opposite of boring, right?
And your book was so boring it sucked people in.
So if you can make your book exciting...
It might stop sucking!
In so many ways! It might reverse the borehole!
Spitting out everything it's swallowed! Brilliant!
How did you come up with that?
I don't know. I'm upside down.
Guess the blood's actually making it to my brain for once.
Odd. I thought the storm would've hit by now.
Are you ready to...finish your book?
Which number pencil shall I use?
-I'm only kidding.
I'm going to use a pen.
Looking for this?
Oh, yes, that's it. Thank you so much.
Dude, she's being sarcastic.
Uh, librarian lady, you do know that book does some horrible things?
It keeps my library clean. Clean of children and their sticky hands!
Bending the pages, marking them,
wiping bogies on a Henry Wadsworth Longfellow!
HE CHUCKLES Wadsworth.
Awful children like you.
Now, perhaps you'd like to come here and read a nice,
long passage from this book?
It won't work on me. I have ADHD!
Mr Balding, start writing exciting stuff!
THEY GRUNT AND STRAIN
It's hard to think of anything exciting that's ever happened to me.
Tons of stuff happens here!
Last week, we found a boy
who was living in the lost and found for 100 years!
Oh, yes. Peter! Rather an excitable boy!
The storm's coming! But it's coming from inside!
We've got to warn the kids!
Initiating panic phase. Roger.
Prepare for the paper cut of your life!
-You! What's your name again?
-Ernest, Miss. Ernest Shackleton.
Ernest, remember I told you about that storm?
Well, it's happening
and I need you to help get all these kids to a safe place.
Have you ever been brave before?
-Well, it's as easy as being scared, but with less worry.
So I want you to be brave and get everyone to the basement!
"And then there was that time when a mysterious sailing ship,
"devoid of passengers, washed up on the shores of Strange Hill"
-"And then there was The Battle of the Library!"
"The End. For now."
It's the mother ship!
Actually, it's the eye of the electrical storm!
My precious books! They're all scuffed!
As books should be. Don't you see, old girl?
History's nothing if it's not lived in.
And a book is not a book until it's read.
You did it!
All along, the Great Storm of 1881 was just you rescuing us!
The Galactic Federation's sure to be pleased.
So, after all that,
I bet Mr Balding gave you a good grade on your project.
# This is why we stay out of the library, yo!
# Out of the library
# Out, out of the library
# This is why we stay out of the library, yo!
# Out of the library
# Out, out of the library. #