Ken Kong Strange Hill High

Mwah-ha-ha!

# Creepy ain't the word

# Freaky ain't the word

# Sneaky ain't the word

# See what I've observed

# Is there's no easy way to describe this stinky place

# Even geeky place doesn't tell you what I need to say

# This is Strange Hill where a talking frog can eat your face

# It's very, very, random, you'll get used to these debates

# If you stick around, although I wouldn't recommend it

# When they used the name strange mate they really meant it

# There's some things in life with which you just don't mess

# On every vest I got the letters SOS

# Cos you never know what might be lurking round the corner

# And what it might do if it every found or saw you

# Keep the lights on in the hallways all days

# Things won't always tend to go your way

# Watch your back and be prepared punk

# Wait for 3:30 see you there. #

BELL RINGS

Take that! And that!

And now right between the eyes!

Woo-hoo! I love woodworking! It's the one class without rules.

Rules would only stifle your creativity, my doves.

Oh my!

Though an occasional glance at the Safety Rules couldn't hurt.

Some fine looking' model airplanes..

Ah, a British Blingways Airbus, beautiful.

You could fly to the mall in that one.

Thanks, Mr M!

Miss Butters, what it lacks in aerodynamics,

it makes up for in nails.

You're too kind, Murdoch.

I'm just the caretaker, what do I care?

Abercrombie's too cheap to pay a real woodworking teacher.

Dare to dream, Bishop. Dare to dream.

Like, that's not even a plane.

Plane, plane-eating eagle. It's all good.

Like stop eating my airplane!

Arr-har-har!

Young Tanner's a free spirit, a maverick and I take me

hat off to him and possibly my shoes and socks.

His plane-eating eagle's no match for this little beauty, My Bee-52.

Whoa! I said model airplane, but um...

..how much do ye charge fer first class to Fiji?

Book now and I might even make some seats.

Attention, pupils.

The annual surprise swimming assessment

will take place in 10 minutes precisely.

Surprise.

Surprise swimming assessment?!

A school full of monsters, ghosts and rips in the very

fabric of time and space, and you're alarmed about a swimming test?

If it involves me making an effort, I'm concerned. Deeply concerned.

He's not content with actual tests?

Now Abercrombie has to test our swimming skills?

It's a safety thing.

In a school like Strange Hill, he doesn't want pupils to go

missing, or be sucked into a vortex or whatnot.

Where's a mysterious vortex when you need it?

"Do this, do that," I'm sick of rules.

Stop being sick of things.

See? Even the walls are telling me what to do.

How can I blossom as an individual with all these rules

constraining me, putting me in a little box like, like some object?!

You just don't want to go swimming, do you?

Nah. Too cold!

No kits, no swimming!

I'm sorry, but I refuse to take part in such lawless behaviour.

Don't forget mine, third locker, second shelf.

No swimming kits, no swimming assessment.

The genius of this plan lies in its simplicity.

They don't know how to swim.

Assessment commences in five minutes.

If you don't have a swim kit, one will be provided for you.

-Eh!?

-What!!?

THEY ALL SHIVER WITH COLD

Hey, no glaring, I tried to get us out of this.

Well, I'd like to get out of this.

I look like a peppermint stick that's about to be licked, yo!

The poor tailoring and itchiness of this garment will not be forgotten.

Well, at least the pool is heated, right?

Of course it's heated. November to January.

It's February.

DUCK QUACKS

The rules for today's assessment are simple. All pupils must

swim to the far side of the pool and back in one hour or less.

Give up, you fail. Stop and sink, fail.

On your marks, get set, get lost.

LOUD SPLASHES

SONAR BEEPS

It's not so bad once you're in.

Ha-ha! I'm a sprightly dolphin, darting through the waves.

You know, I wouldn't mind swimming if it wasn't so wet.

I'm so cold I can't feel my fingers.

Templeton, they're my fingers. Let go.

Can't go on ... Too exhausted... Sentences fragmenting.

Bex, chill out.

I-I-I a-a-a-mmmm.

It can't be that much further.

Hmm, 20 minutes in. Time for a nice siesta.

This pool's endless. We could be out here...

..forever.

It's like that weird watery place I saw on TV -

people disappear there, never to be heard from again?

Time goes all loopy.

The Bermuda Triangle?

No, Cleethorpes.

Whoa, whazzat?

Look, it's an island!

Land ho, yo!

Woo-hoo! Last one on the beach is a weak swimmer.

Don't give up now, pool pals. Follow me to victory!

Uh, yeah. Catch you on your way back.

Wow! A tropical island paradise.

It's like that drawing on the bottle of my mum's suntan lotion.

Now this is my kind of swimming test. No swimming, no tests.

Here we can do whatever we want, no matter how crazy.

Like roller-skate on coconuts!

Speaking of coconuts, a giant banana!

Whoa! You're not going to worship it?

Please. I don't worship everything.

All hail our fruity overlords.

This island has giant fruit everywhere!

Giant fruit is fun fruit!

Food, sunshine, no Abercrombie - this really is paradise.

I declare this Mitchelltopia! Land without rules!

I was thinking Banana Town, but OK.

Mitchell, this is madness.

Every country has laws, even well-behaved countries like Canada!

Not me. From now on I'm not even obeying gravity.

SOMETHING ROARS IN THE DISTANCE

Ooww!

I don't think we're the only ones on this island.

Like, where's Matthews when you need someone to panic?

By the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea!

SOMETHING ROARS AGAIN

What is that? It's not very nice.

Er, it's probably just a beaver, or global warming.

SOMETHING ROARS AGAIN

It's a very persistent beaver or warming!

Mitchell, I've got a bad feeling about this.

Bex, you get a bad feeling on Christmas Eve.

Reindeer on rooftops. Chimney based travel.

It's an accident waiting to happen.

Whatever it was, it's stopped now.

So, if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to my carefree lifestyle.

And bowling for pineapples.

LOUD NOISE

THE EARTH SHAKES

Whoa!

NOISE GETS CLOSER

Strike!

See, nothing to worry about.

Giant earthquakey footsteps? Nothing to worry about?!

I'm so glad you agree.

No, Becky is right. We're not alone.

What makes you so sure?

Just a feeling. And the giant footprint we're standing in.

There's only one possible explanation...

All hail

the Great Island Beast And/Or God And/Or Experiment Gone Wrong.

We must honour him.

But how? I'm only used to worshipping pop stars.

By coming to our senses!

And having a good time in Mitchelltopia, land without rules!

No!

It's the rule of mysterious islands everywhere -

we must honour him with...

a sacrifice.

Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Templeton!

Eh?

This wasn't quite what I imagined.

Someone was hungry. Still think it's a beaver?

Let's just say I'm keeping an open mind.

Listen, we must be getting closer.

Follow that amateurish beatboxing.

HE BEATBOXES WITH A TRIBAL SOUND

La-la-la-la-la-la-la, like, la-la-la-la-la-la, for sure.

If I can just loosen these vines.

Achh! So close.

Poor Templeton!

We've got to rescue him before that giant mysterious beast does

any number of horrible unknown things to him,

it's all so mysterious it's a bit thrilling I wish I could enjoy

it but our friend's in trouble and we must - Mitchell, where'd you go?

Over here. I came up with a plan 10 seconds ago.

Great Island Beast, we summon you.

ALL: Eat this guy, not us!

Eh?

Behold, I am the great island beast.

We kneel before you, oh mighty one.

Yeah, keep doing that and don't look up.

Ahhh!

Spare me oh mighty one, for I am chewy and taste peculiar.

Templeton, it's us. Come on.

Oh

Uh-oh!

All hail the giant one!

That's weird. How come they're still praising us?

They're not. They're praising him!

Whoa!

That's definitely not a beaver!

-ALL:

-Aaaah!

How come he's wearing the same costume we are?

Hang on a sec. That's no island beast.

He's just a giant kid.

I want my worship back.

Sh! He's probably more scared of us than we are of him.

Well I hope so, cause dude ruined my no rules paradise.

He made us look like mindless sheep.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Let's blame him for everything.

Stop it!

The poor boy isn't doing us any harm,

the least we can do is let him speak.

Go ahead, giant boy, say something.

A-R-R-G-H-H-H-H-H

Sorry. It's been a while since I had someone to talk to.

I'm Ken.

Oh.

Hold on. Ken? Ken Kong?

Yeah! You guys from Strange Hill High, too?

-ALL:

-Yeah.

What is going on?

Years ago, Ken Kong was an exchange student from Mongolia.

That explains it.

Actually, Mongolia's a lot like England, but with fewer pop stars.

I was normal sized until I got here.

Giant fruits must have made a giant boy.

Yeah, and giant stomach upset too.

KEN BREAKS WIND

-ALL:

-Ewww!!!

But I like it here. No Abercrombie.

Say what now?

No Abercrombie. No rules.

During the swim test, I found this paradise and never wanted to leave.

till you guys ate all my fruit.

-BURP

-Sorry 'bout that. Are you going to eat us?

Nah, too much effort.

Pleased to meet you. Mitchell Tanner.

Ahhhh...

So that's it?

We're stranded on an island without food now

and you two are just going to sit there?!

Mitchell, it's bad enough I have to deal with you.

Yeah, good luck dealing with him!

And what are we going to do?

Sit here and wait till the fruit grows back?!

How long does it take ginormous epic fruit to grow?!

Don't know. Never really thought about it.

My man!

THEY BOTH SNORE

..apricots...

One of these days I'm going to stick up for someone who appreciates me.

Right then.

If they're not going to help us get off the island,

they're going to help us get off the island.

OK, as soon as he swims by!

Ah, there you are, chums!

Let 'er rip, cowboy!

OK, but make up your mind - am I cow or boy?

-ALL:

-Hooray!

What the? It can't be...

It's a new school record - for everyone.

HE BLOWS WHISTLE

Tanner!

What the... Abercrombie?!

Abercrombie?!

No it can't be. It's - it's Ken Kong!!!

Aaaaaah!

Oh, sorry. It rumbles when I'm hungry.

When's lunch?

No! It's Ken Kong, come back to wreak horrible vengeance upon me!

He went missing and when his parents asked about him,

I panicked and said he was fine.

Now how am I going to explain this?!

In Mongolian, I presume.

It's not a big deal. Kids grow.

To 300 feet?

You could just apologise and tell the truth.

Never! There must be a better way.

Come on, you know you want to wreck it.

No! However fun it is to see Abercrombie terrified -

And he does look so cute and scared there in the window.

Hi, Mr A!

You mustn't destroy the school.

Just a little bit.

C'mon, Bex, when are we ever going to get this chance again?

OK, you may not like rules, but have you ever heard of limits?

Nope, I must've not been paying attention during that lecture.

Heh heh heh.

We won't wreck the school.

We're just going to have some harmless fun with Abercrombie,

just terrorize him a little.

Well, I want no part of it. Put me down.

Over there

Where I can watch.

He's with Tanner!

I'll tell you one thing - they're not up to harmless fun.

We've got to crush them, before they crush us!

Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Abercrombie, yum yum yum!

Aaaaah! To the kitchen!

Can't believe he fell for that.

What does "fee-fi-fo-fum" even mean?

How quickly can you bake a giant cake that's really a trap?

Does it have to taste good?

-No.

-Consider it done.

Hey, there's Mr Creeper. Let's give him a start.

What is he, a plant?

Yeah, long story.

Hey, Creeps! I found a new recruit for the basketball team.

Ace! He's a bonzer bloke for the b- ball bizzo!

He shoots, he scores!

Uh-oh!

He's destroying the school. Hurry up!

Hold your horses.

Do you want frosting flowers on your cake or don'cha?

Oh, yes, but hurry!

Oh, Ke-en! I bet you're hungry?

Am I ever!

Well, I've made a cake in honour of your return.

Ken, no! It might be a trap!

Headmasters never give anyone cakes!

Sure, we do.

There are those occasions when, er, you know, on the day you were born?

Birthdays.

Yes, that's the one.

And there's that one where everyone's full of cheer...

Christmas?

Never heard of it. Just eat the cake!

Ken! No!

Sorry to do this, son.

This violates the Caretakers Code of Conduct, but...

Mitchell, n-o-o-o-o!

Aghhhhh!

Luckily, your flagrant disregard for the Laws of Physics allowed

-you an extra long fall.

-Awesome.

I didn't know there was a man with a net in that cake, I swear!

I thought he was just buttercream!

Nice try, Mr A.

But why do you always have to make excuses?

Why can't you tell the truth?

I do tell the truth!

Always. Well, that's a bit of a fib.

See, I told the truth!

We'll see about that.

Aaarrhhhhhh!!

What are you going to do to me?!

You left me on that island. Maybe you'd like to visit it?

Oh, you can see everything from here. Bishop! No ball playing!

Think you got bigger worries at the moment, innit?

On a clear day, you can see forever from this cake.

Mitchell, I know you're enjoying flying in a crazy bee plane

and buzzing a giant cake...

You gob thab right!

..but don't you think you should be rescuing Abercrombie?!

Please, Kenneth! I get air sick.

I have an allergy to clouds!

Do I gotta?

Mitchell, there's one rule you have to follow...the rule of decency.

That's not really an official law. Outside of Canada.

Mitchell!

Ken, don't do it! I know breaking rules is the best thing ever,

like when you see a sign that says "No talking" so you just know

you have to keep talking until you've talked so much that...

Mitchell, stop being me and concentrate!

But there's a limit.

You cross that line, you're not a cool dude with an attitude,

you're just the bad guy.

Hmm. You make a good point.

Arrrrrggghhh!

Whoops!

Arrggghh!

Whoa!

Uh-oh, speaking of limits - the elastic band!

-ALL:

-Aaaaaah!

Ken! Thanks! You did something!

You made an effort.

Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.

THEY ALL CHEER

Aw, shucks.

Kenneth, I'm sorry I didn't tell the truth

and forgot about you for five years and repeatedly lied to the

Mongolian ambassador while you were stranded on that island!

It's cool, Mr A. Giant bananas.

Hang on?

I would if I were you.

Bye! Thanks for coming! Find your way to get... Oh...

It is bittersweet, isn't it?

He's been away for so long, he hasn't seen his parents, he-

Nah, I'm just sad I didn't get to pull more pranks with him.

With his size and my brain, man the stuff we could've done!

Right, I'm going to count to three.

One, two...two and a half...two and three quarters...

# Just beware when you are in the Deep end cos I don't really see

# The end, and no-one knows What's on the other side

# So it ain't somewhere I'd like to go yo. #