Christmas Rules! Swashbuckle

# A band of naughty pirates Took some jewels from me

# I hid on board their pirate ship And sailed off out to sea

# But they weren't watching where they went

# And shipwrecked on the sand

# I want to win my treasure back Will you give me a hand?

-ALL:

-# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho!

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, go, go, go! #

-Will you help me win my treasure back?

-Yeah!

-Shall we make the pirates walk the plank?

-Yeah!

Well, let's hear you, then, me hearties!

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho!

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, go, go, go! #

Swashbuckle cheer!

-AUDIENCE:

-Arrr-harrr!

CHEERING

Merry Christmas, my hearties, and welcome to Swashbuckle!

-AUDIENCE:

-Arrr-harrr!

My name's Gem and it's great to have you all on board.

Now, are you ready for a festive, rip-roaring pirate adventure?

Great! And will you help me get my sparkly Christmas jewels back from

-those very pesky pirates?

-Arr-harr!

Oh, thank you, my hearties.

Now, where is Captain Captain?

Have you seen her anywhere?

BOOING

Stop that booing.

The Pirate Handbook, that I wrote, clearly states no booing

at Christmas.

Oh, for once, we actually agree, Captain Captain.

Well, rules are rules, Gem.

Even at Christmas?

Especially at Christmas. Now, where are my Christmas pirate crew?

Cook! Line!

# Deck the deck with boughs of seaweed

# Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-arr-harr!

# 'Tis the season to be pirates! Fa-la-la-la, la-la...

Stop!

# La

SHE WHISTLES

# La-la-la-la! #

We must follow the Christmas rules for a perfect pirate Christmas,

and rule 452B clearly states no singing until after

Christmas dinner.

But, Captain Captain, Christmas shouldn't be about rules.

Yeah, it should be about having fun with your friends.

Yeah, Christmassy fun.

We are having fun, aren't we? Aren't we?!

-BOTH: Yes, we're having the time of our lives!

-Yes, good!

Now, take this. As long as we follow all of these Christmas rules,

we'll have the most perfect pirate Christmas ever.

Yes, captain.

AUDIENCE SIGHS

Well, Christmas rules or no rules,

I still need a Christmas swashbuckling team to help me

win back my jewels. Merry Christmas, Squawk.

-Who are my festive helpers?

-Merry Christmas, Gem!

Playing today, Izzy!

Izzy is seven, and has a cat that can do somersaults.

Her Swashbuckle name is Washboard Izzy.

Ho-ho-ho, it's Freddie!

Freddie is seven and he wants to be a zookeeper.

His Swashbuckle name is Frightful Freddie.

Season's greetings, Lydia!

Lydia is seven and loves squeaky guinea pigs.

Her Swashbuckle name is Lagoon Lydia.

Christmas cheer for Isa.

Isa is six, and she likes funfair rides.

I hope those pirates will be fun and fair today!

Her Swashbuckle name is Anchor Isa.

Merry Christmas to my festive team of swashbucklers,

here to help me win back my sparkly Christmas jewels from

Captain Captain and Cook and Line.

But I need to make sure that you are ready for the challenge,

let's do the Swashbuckle salute. Let me see you all marching.

Put your hands on your hearts.

-Here we go! Eye patch. AUDIENCE:

-Eye patch.

-Pirate hat. AUDIENCE:

-Pirate hat.

-Swashbuckle cheer! AUDIENCE:

-Arrr-harr!

Oh, we're full of festive cheer as well.

What do we have to do today?

You daring swashbucklers need to work as a team, as you take part in

different pirate games.

Every time you win a game,

Captain Captain will give you a jewel for your treasure chest.

Win all five jewels and one of the naughty pirates will walk the plank

into the ship's mess.

Here is our festive treasure chest.

So, when you win back my five Christmas jewels from

Captain Captain, we'll pop them in here to keep them safe from her.

Not going to happen, Gem.

Christmas might be a time for giving,

but I'll be keeping all of the jewels today.

Well, we'll soon see about that, Captain Captain, because I'm

in a Christmassy mood and in a winning mood.

So, bring it on, Squawk. What's the first game?

The first game is Buried Treasure.

The aim of the game is to fill all the chests with golden treasure.

All you have to do is find the buried treasure,

and put it in the right chest.

But look out for Cook and Line, who will try to hide the treasures.

And here are the five festive treasure chests we need to fill with

the golden treasure.

So, let's have a look in the first one to see what we're looking for.

We need...

..a golden boot, OK.

And we can find all the golden treasure over there in the sandpit

where Cook and Line are fooling around, as always,

so do look out for them.

You have as long as it takes for the octopus to reach out across

the screen, and close the treasure chest to play the game.

Izzy and Freddie, will you go first for me? Brilliant.

-Are we ready to play?

-Arr-harr!

-Then swashbucklers away!

Come on, let's find that golden treasure.

We're looking for the golden boot.

That's it, Izzy. Oh, no, Freddie, look out for the fish.

Yes, they've got it! Well done!

All right, let's get it in the treasure chest.

Open the next one for me. We're looking for a golden feather,

a Christmas golden feather.

Have a good rummage around.

Watch out for the flying sand.

-Cook's very hot right now.

-I think Cook's got it.

-Cook!

-Hide that feather!

-Well done, brilliant!

-Give it back!

-Good girl, Isa. That's it!

OK, we need three more bits of treasure.

Let's put it in the treasure chest.

-Open up the next one for me, Freddie.

-That's it.

We're now looking for a key, a golden key.

Dig around in there. See if you can find it. That's it, Izzy.

-There we go.

-Keep looking. Dig around.

Whoa, hang on! Line's got it!

Cook and Line are throwing it to each other!

Good game, boys!

Oh, well done, Freddie.

-He knocked it away!

-That was a great catch, Freddie.

Well done, into the treasure chest. That's it.

OK, now let's open the next one. We're now over halfway.

We still have two more pieces of treasure to bring back.

We're looking for the telescope. They got it straightaway!

-That telescope would make a good present.

-Well done, Izzy.

What's the last thing?

We are now looking for an anchor. The anchor is the last one.

We can do this. Have a good dig around. Running out of time.

Come on, Izzy, dig around, dig around. 15 seconds.

Come on!

Yes, they've got it! Into the chest!

Ten, nine, seven, eight... Yeah!

Brilliant, well done, Swashbucklers! Ha-ha!

Squawk, you got the bird's eye view. Over to you.

Our team were as busy as Christmas elves.

Izzy set to work finding the boot.

Isa looked tickled when she found the feather.

Freddie stopped the pirates playing catch with the key.

The telescope wasn't hard to spot.

And the anchor followed quickly.

A lovely present, Gem.

It's a win!

CHEERING

Yes! Well done, Swashbucklers.

You did it!

You've won back our first jewel,

so, Captain Captain, you know the rule.

ALL: Send down a jewel!

Well, seeing as it's Christmas, Gem,

I suppose I can give you just the one jewel.

CHEERING

Here's the green jewel. Oh, what a lovely Christmas present!

There you go, Lydia. Into the chest, please.

And a big cheer, my hearties. Come on!

CHEERING

So only four more of those Christmas beauties

and one of the naughty pirates will have to walk the plank

into the stinky ship's mess. ALL: Eewww!

BOTH: One, two, three...

-Merry Christma...

-Stop right there!

SPLOOSH, GROANING

Christmas rule 452 subsection C, the crackers.

Pulling crackers happens after the smoked salmon course,

-and before the Christmas turkey.

-But Captain...

And rule 42D, turkey must be served with sea sprouts.

But no-one likes sea sprouts, bleurgh!

It's in the rules, you have to have them.

And Christmas dinner will be served at 2pm, and not before.

Then we will watch the Pirate Queen's speech.

Then and only then we open the presents,

taking it in turns in alphabetical order,

and then we will all watch the Christmas film.

But, Captain, all these rules,

it's spoiling our Christmas fun.

-Rubbish!

-LAUGHTER

Rules are what make Christmas fun, aren't they?

-Aren't they?!

-BOTH: Yes!

WHIMPERING

Oh, I love Christmas.

HUMMING DECK THE HALLS

Well, even though Captain Captain is spoiling Christmas

with all of her rules, we can still win back another of my jewels.

-So, Squawk, what's the next game?

-The second game is Potty Portholes.

The aim of the game is to knock down all the portholes.

All you have to do is collect the soft green cannonballs,

load them into the cannons,

and fire!

But look out, because Cook and Line will try to put you off!

CHEERING

And here is one of the green squashy balls you have to collect

from the baskets over there under the seaweed and the snowballs.

Bring them back here to the cannons and fire them at the portholes!

Look out for the pesky pirates throwing snowballs,

and dancing beautifully with the snowman.

-Izzy and Isa, will you fire the cannon?

-Yeah.

-Thank you!

I'll give you this to start off, OK?

Freddie and Lydia, you collect the green balls, OK?

Right, then, my hearties, are we ready to play?

ALL: Arr-harr!

Then Swashbucklers, away!

Oh, yes, well done, Isa, first one down. Good girl.

And another one down! We've got two down already.

-Merry Christmas.

-That's it!

Look out for Line throwing snowballs at us as well.

And another one! Well done. And another one! This is brilliant!

Isa's very good. Well done, my hearties.

That's it. We've got four down already. Five more to get,

-and plenty of time.

-Ho-ho-ho!

Yes, Merry Christmas, Cook, thank you very much.

Joy to the Swashbucklers!

Joy to the Swashbucklers! Ho-ho-ho, Line.

Yes, well done,

another one down, brilliant!

Oh, that was a close one.

Another one down! Well done, Izzy!

And another one! You girls are brilliant!

Throw some snowballs!

Oh, look, it's snowing all over Line!

Quick, let's get another one down while they're not paying attention.

Don't let them put you off. Yes, well done, Isa.

Just one more left to go!

It's Christmas! I want to win!

Time it just right, wait for those rowdy pirates to get out of the way.

Christmas dancing.

Yeah! CHEERING

Well done, you got Cook in the festive tummy.

Then we managed to knock down the last porthole.

Well done, my hearties.

Squawk, you've got the bird's eye view, over to you.

Our swashbuckling team of Christmas stars!

Isa quickly knocked down two portholes,

then Izzy joined in, and more toppled.

Freddie and Lydia fetched squashy cannonballs

as Cook and Line threw snowballs.

The last porthole fell before Captain Captain jingled the bell.

It's a win!

CHEERING

You've done it again, my hearties!

Well done, you've got our second jewel,

so, Captain Captain,

you know the rule!

ALL: Send down a jewel.

Oh, if I must.

But this is the last Christmas present

you're going to get from me today, Gem!

CHEERING

This is the best present, Captain.

Thank you, and there you go, Izzy, into the chest, please.

CHEERING Come on, Swashbucklers!

Enjoy it, Gem.

I'm off to see if Cook and Line are following my Christmas rules

for a perfect pirate Christmas.

TWANG

Cook! Line!

Put those down!

CLATTERING

Presents are to be opened after the Pirate Queen's speech

and that's the rule.

But, Captain...

And what's this?

Rule 235P,

only red tinsel is permitted on a pirate Christmas tree.

These presents are the wrong shape.

These decorations are too small.

The tree is too tall and...

BOTH: But, Captain!

Christmas isn't about rules.

It's about having fun!

# Tinsel, mince pies, presents please!

# Reindeer, sleighs and Christmas trees

-# Snowmen, sprouts and mistletoe

-Carols, turkey, cards and snow

-# Christmas pudding, fairy lights

-Holly, ivy, tasty bites

-# That's why we just love this day

-BOTH: # Christmas Day is oh so great

# Christmas day is oh so greeaat!

# Fun, fun, fun, fun It's Christmas time

# Fun, fun, fun It's the time to shine

# Whatever Christmas means to you

# Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun

# Just have fun Forget the rules

-# Cranberry sauce and gingerbread

-Stockings hanging on your bed

-# Chestnuts, elves and carol singing

-Tinsel, gifts and all the trimmings

-# Bells and snowmen, Santa Claus

-Cold outside and warm indoors

-# Wrapping paper, decorations

-Christmas cake and salutations

BOTH: # Christmas day is oh so great

# Fun, fun, fun, fun It's Christmas time

# Fun, fun, fun It's the time to shine

# Whatever Christmas means to you

# Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun

# Just have fun forget the rules

# Ooh ooh ooh

# Ooh ooh ooh

# Now I see it oh, so clearly

# Christmas rules are oh, so dreary

# It doesn't matter what you do

# It's what Christmas means to you

# Fun, fun, fun, fun It's Christmas time

# Fun, fun, fun It's the time to shine

# Whatever Christmas means to you

# Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun

# Merry Christmas, everyone!

Merry Christmas!

CHEERING

All right, then, my hearties,

you now have to find three more of my jewels in the final game,

Shipwreck Rummage, so to get us ready for it,

let's do the Swashbuckle salute one more time.

Let me see you all marching.

Put your hand on your heart.

Here we go.

-Eye patch! ALL:

-Eye patch!

Pirate hat!

Pirate hat!

Swashbuckle cheer!

Arr-harr!

Yes, we are ready for the challenge.

Come on, then, Squawk, let's do it.

It's the Shipwreck Rummage!

The aim of the game is to collect the rest of Gem's jewels

that have been hidden around the shipwreck.

Use the map,

because X marks the spot where each of the jewels could be found,

but be careful!

Cook, Line and Captain Captain have hidden the jewels well

and they must all be in the chest before the time runs out.

CHEERING

Right, Swashbucklers, you have to find three of my jewels.

Let me show you the treasure map.

Up in the captain's Lookout, we have the purple jewel

in either the barrels or in the treasure chests.

Then in the middle deck we have the blue jewel in the pool of pearls.

And in the lower deck, we have the red jewel over there

in the shark tank.

So, Izzy and Freddie, you're going first for me.

-What colour will you go for?

-Blue.

-Off to the pool of pearls!

All right, then, my hearties, are we ready to play?

CHEERING: Arr-harr!

Then Swashbucklers away! Come on!

Rummage the wreck with Freddie and Izzy.

# Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la. #

Into the pool of pearls.

It's snowing, Swashbucklers!

There's blue.

Merry Christmas.

-CHEERING

-They've done it!

-Yes, they've got the blue jewel! So, girls, where next?

-Red jewel.

Down to see Ethel and Gertrude in the shark tank.

Look out for their Christmas hats! Off you go, girls.

Lydia's off already!

That's it, well done!

Here come a pair of Christmas jumpers.

-Into the shark tank!

-Hello, got some seaweed for you!

Isa grabs red!

Hey, come back with that, that's my jewel!

Yes, they've got the one in the shark tank,

so now right to the top, to the purple one there.

Look out for Captain Captain.

Off you go, brilliant! That's it.

And into there. Well done.

One jewel to go!

Will Izzy and Freddie be top of the Christmas tree

as they climb to the lookout?

-It is a little bit slippy!

-The snow's made it slippery!

The snow's made it ever so slippery!

-Freddie's got purple!

-Oh, no!

Come on!

Even Line can't stop them now.

Bring it into the treasure chest as quick as you can!

-Hurry, Izzy!

-Into the chest!

CHEERING

Yes! Brilliant! Well done, my festive hearties.

Squawk, you got the bird's eye view. Over to you.

This rummage was a Christmas cracker, Gem.

Freddie and Izzy dived in a snowstorm of pearls for blue.

Line waved seaweed, but Lydia and Isa found red.

Captain's gift of fish didn't stop them grabbing purple.

A sleigh ride into the slop for those pirates.

It's a win!

CHEERING

Well done, my hearties. You did it!

Thank you so much for winning back all of my festive jewels.

I am so proud of you! So I'd like to hand my jewels out

-for you to hold on to for me. Here you go, Izzy.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome. One for you, Isa.

-Thank you.

-Here you go, Lydia.

-Thank you.

-And here you go, Freddie.

-Thank you.

-That's all right.

And the blue one for me! Let's hear it for my Swashbucklers.

CHEERING

So, my hearties, we now have five jewels,

so you know what that means?

Now it's time for the naughty pirates to walk the plank,

but which one will it be?

Well, actually, Freddie, it could be all three if we land down here

on the triple slop drop. Let's hope so!

So, which one will it be?

Freddie, spin the wheel to see.

Big spin. All right. Will it be Cook with the white hat?

Or will it be Captain Captain with the black Christmas hat?

Or will it be Line?

Or will it be all three?

Let's see.

It's going to be...

..THE TRIPLE SLOP DROP!

CHEERING

So, all three of you naughty pirates,

it's time for all of you to... ALL: Walk the plank!

CHANTING: Walk the plank!

This is the worst Christmas ever!

BOTH: Merry Christmas!

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

Come on, Captain.

I'm not going in, it's Christmas!

CHANTING: Walk the plank!

-You know the rules, captain.

-I do know the rules, Gem.

-Come on.

CAPTAIN CAPTAIN WAILS

Merry Christmas!

ALL: Ewww! GEM LAUGHS

Oh, I can't think of a better gift than seeing those pesky pirates

covered in festive slop.

Merry Christmas, my hearties.

See you soon for more Swashbuckle.

CHEERING

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go

# Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho!

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go

# Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho!

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go

# Take on the pirates, go, go, go! #

Swashbuckle cheer! ALL: Arrr-harrr!