No Longer Naughty Pirates Swashbuckle


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No Longer Naughty Pirates

Pirate-themed physical game show. Cook and Line decide to give up being naughty, but Captain Captain isn't buying it.


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Transcript


LineFromTo

# A band of naughty pirates Took some jewels from me

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# I hid on board their pirate ship And sailed off out to sea

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# But they weren't watching where they went

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# And shipwrecked on the sand

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# I want to win my treasure back Will you give me a hand?

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-ALL:

-# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho!

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# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, go, go, go! #

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-Will you help me win my treasure back? ALL:

-Yeah!

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-Shall we make the pirates walk the plank? ALL:

-Yeah!

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Well, let's hear you then, me hearties!

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# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho!

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# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, go, go, go! #

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-Swashbuckle cheer! AUDIENCE:

-Arrr-harrr!

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Harrr! Arrr-harrr! Wey-hay! AUDIENCE CHEERS

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Ahoy there, me hearties,

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-and welcome aboard the Scarlet Squid for Swashbuckle!

-Arrr-harrr!

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I'm Gem and it's great to have you all aboard.

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-Now, are you ready for a rip-roaring pirate adventure?

-Arrr-harrr!

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Great! And will you help me win back all of my jewels

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from those pesky pirates?

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-ALL:

-Arrr-harrr!

-Thank you.

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Now, where is Captain Captain? Have you seen her anywhere?

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ALL BOO

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Those boos don't bother me.

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I've got the naughtiest pirates in all the seven seas.

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They'll help me keep all the jewels today.

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-WHISTLE BLOWS

-Cook, Line!

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-POSH VOICES:

-After you.

-Thank you.

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BOTH: Yes, Captain Chief Admiral Pirate Tremendous

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And Incredibly Nasty - the Third.

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-Oh.

-Oh. Or should I say Captain Captain for short?

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THEY LAUGH

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Stop it!

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That's a very, very good salute.

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Well, thank you tremendously, Captain.

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And may I say, Captain, you're looking jolly, jolly well today.

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-Oh, yes.

-Why, thank you very much.

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Wait a minute!

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You two are up to something.

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-IN OWN VOICE:

-Well, Captain. We're fed up of being naughty pirates.

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-IN OWN VOICE:

-Yeah, those goody-goody Swashbucklers

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win way more jewels than us and they're never naughty.

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That's why we've decided to be good, well-behaved pirates from now on.

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But no! I need naughty pirates to win the games!

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-POSH VOICE:

-Dreadfully sorry, Captain,

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but good things happen to good pirates.

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So it's au revoir to our naughty days and hello to being good.

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Toodle-oo!

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Well, even if Cook and Line are being good today,

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we still need to win back all of my jewels.

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So, Squawk, let's meet today's Swashbucklers.

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-Playing today we've got Charlie!

-CHEERING

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Charlie is seven, and he loves to build stuff.

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His Swashbuckle name is Commodore Charlie.

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-Make way for Remy!

-CHEERING

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Remy is six, and he loves finding cool rocks on the beach.

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His Swashbuckle name is Raging Remy.

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-Introducing Ben!

-CHEERING

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Ben is seven, and he can do a frog impression.

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His Swashbuckle name is Barge Master Ben!

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-Here comes Sully!

-CHEERING

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Sully is six! He has a pet tortoise called Leo.

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Maybe he'll put those pirates back in their shell.

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His Swashbuckle name is Sea Dog Sully!

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CHEERING

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Ha-ha! Welcome aboard to my newest team of fantastic Swashbucklers.

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They're here to help me win back my jewels from Captain Captain.

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But I need to make sure you're all ready for the challenge

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so let's do the Swashbuckle salute!

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Let me see you all marching!

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Put your hand on your hearts!

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Here we go!

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-Eye patch! ALL:

-Eye patch.

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-Pirate hat.

-Pirate hat.

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-Swashbuckle cheer!

-Arrr-harrr!

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Yes, we're ready. So, Squawk, what do we have to do today?

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You daring Swashbucklers need to work as a team as you take

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part in different pirate games.

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Every time you win a game,

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Captain Captain will give you a jewel for your treasure chest.

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Win all five jewels

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and one of the naughty pirates will walk the plank into the ship's mess.

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Here you go, Swashbucklers. This is our treasure chest.

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So when you win back my five jewels from Captain Captain,

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we'll put them in here to keep them safe, OK?

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That treasure chest will stay empty, Gem.

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Even if my pirates are being goody-goodies,

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they'll still stop you from winning back these jewels.

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Well, I say goody-good luck with that, Captain,

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because we Are ready to win back all of my jewels.

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Squawk, what's the first game?

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Your first game is...

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SQUAWKS

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The aim of the game is to knock down all the portholes.

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All you have to do is collect the soft green cannonballs,

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load them into the cannons and fire!

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But look out, because Cook and Line will try to put you off!

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CHEERING

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And here's one of the green squashy balls you need to find

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from the baskets over there, covered in slippery sloppery seaweed. Eww.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Eww!

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But look out - when you fire them towards the portholes, there

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will be two very...nice and kind pirates there to perhaps help us?

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Interesting. Now, I've got Remy and Charlie.

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-You're going to be firing the cannons, aren't you?

-Yeah.

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Brilliant. Let me give you that one there to start you off.

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-And Sully and Ben, you can go and collect the balls, OK?

-Yeah.

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You have as long as it takes for the octopus to reach

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out across the screen and close the treasure chest to play the game.

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So, me hearties, are we ready to play?

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-AUDIENCE:

-Arrr-harrr!

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Then Swashbucklers away!

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Mind those pirates.

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First two down!

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Boys, that was amazing!

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Look at that! Great!

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It's good we've got nice pirates around today,

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they're not even noticing!

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And another one down! Well done, Remy.

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This is no time for cleaning!

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That's it, Charlie. Have a good shot over there by Line.

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He's cleaning the floor, trying to get in the way.

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But they're being very well behaved today.

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I quite like these nice pirates.

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Well done! Oh, no! It's stuck! That's not fair.

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We hit it, it didn't fall down, did it? Try again, Remy.

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That's it, Sully. Go collect some more balls.

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Stop dancing!

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That's it. Yeah!

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Well done, Charlie. Very good.

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We've got the sticky one down.

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Right. We've got three, four, five more portholes to knock down.

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Now only four. Well done, Remy.

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That's it, Sully. Well done, Ben. Collect up those squashy balls.

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And another one is down! Brilliant!

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And another one! Two to go!

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Oh, no!

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Trying to get two right now. Oh, that was a close one.

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Try again, Charlie. That's it, line it up!

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Yes! Well done! Only one more to go.

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Look out for Cook, he's... Yes! CHEERING

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Even with Cook standing right in front of it,

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we still got the last one down. Brilliant!

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Squawk, you've got the bird's eye view - over to you.

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SQUAWK

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Our crew wipes the floor with those cheeky pirates.

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Charlie and Remy knocked off the first two targets,

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Sully and Ben gathered more balls while Cook and Line danced.

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Remy polished off the last porthole. A clean sweep, Gem.

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Well done, it's a win!

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CHEERING

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We did it! Well done, my hearties. You've won back our first jewel.

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So, Captain Captain, you know the rule...

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-ALL:

-Send down a jewel.

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Oh, I don't care, it's just the one jewel.

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And you're not getting your hands on the others, Gem.

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CHEERING

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Here's the red jewel. Brilliant. There you go, Sully.

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Into the chest for us.

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Well done, me hearties! Yeah! CHEERING

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So now we only need four more of those sparkly jewels

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and one of those naughty, or good,

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pirates will have to walk the plank into the stinky ship's mess.

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-Ha-ha! AUDIENCE:

-Eww!

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-IN POSH VOICES:

-After you.

-After you.

-No, after you.

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-No, after you.

-No, after you. I insist.

-No...

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Hook, Line, why aren't you slopping out?

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But we are, Captain Captain.

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Yes, a good pirate always lets his esteemed colleague slop out first.

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I want the old naughty Cook and Line back. Pirates shouldn't be good.

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-They should be naughty. Slop out now!

-BOTH: OK.

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-After you, old chap.

-No, after you, I insist.

-No, after you, I insist.

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-No, after you...

-Oh, just give me that!

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BOTH: How terribly rude.

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Well, goody-goody pirates can still end up in the stinky ship's mess.

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Right, we are ready to win back another of my jewels.

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Squawk, what's the next game, please?

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The second game is Wacky Whirlpool.

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The aim of the game is to fill all six holes in the whirlpool.

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All you have to do is collect the cannonballs and roll them

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down the ramp and past the fish.

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But be careful - the whirlpool will be spinning and Cook

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and Line will be trying to stop you.

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And here is one of the soft cannonballs you have to

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collect from the crates, way over there.

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Bring them back to the ramp and roll them down into the holes.

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But look out today for two very good pirates.

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Line is over there with his two fish, handing them out

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as a fish dinner and Cook is cleaning the cannonballs for us.

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But do watch out for those two pesky pirates,

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they're still naughty at heart, I can feel it.

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Charlie, can I give you this ball here to start you off? Brilliant.

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-Me hearties, are we ready to play? AUDIENCE:

-Arrr-harrr!

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Then Swashbucklers away!

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Go on! Oh, that was a close one, Charlie.

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You nearly got the first one in there. That was a very good start.

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Oh, yes! We've got one in! Well done, boys.

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Cook, what are you doing with those fish?

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-We were about to get into that hole.

-Sweep the cannonballs away, Cook.

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OK, Sully, here we go. Oh, no. Bashed into a fish again.

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-Have another fish.

-Oh, no, not again!

-Come on.

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-You really need a fish.

-You've got one in.

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Five more holes to fill, me hearties. That's it.

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Well done. Yes, well done, Remy! CHEERING

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We got one in! Let's try again.

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Oh, can we get that one in as well? Oh, Cook!

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Oh, that was close.

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-So sorry, Gem.

-I thought you were being nice!

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Yes, don't clear them out of the holes. That one went in!

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Well done, Sully! That's it.

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Is that one going to get in? Oh, it just bounced off some fish there.

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Will it bounce off Cook's toes into the hole? Almost. Cook!

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Oh, no, there's a fish in the way. But it helped us, Sully.

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CHEERING Brilliant, well done.

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Only two more holes to fill.

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That's it, wait for them to come round.

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We're coming up to the last ten seconds, me hearties.

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Ten, nine, eight, seven,

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six, five, four, three, two, one...

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BELL RINGS

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Oh, good effort, me hearties. Never mind.

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Squawk, you got the bird's eye view - over to you.

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SQUAWK

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Our Swashbucklers were put through the rinser this game!

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Charlie rolled a ball right in the middle

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but then Cook brushed another away.

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Those cannonballs just wouldn't go in the holes.

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It was fun, Gem. Good effort.

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But, sorry, this was a lose.

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Aw, never mind, me hearties.

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Don't worry, because we could still win that jewel back

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later in the Shipwreck Rummage, all right?

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Aw, Gem. No jewel for you.

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But I do have another little gift for you.

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AUDIENCE BOOS

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What is this? Let's have a look.

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Hang on. It's... Phwoar!

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A stinky old fish bone!

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Captain Captain, that's really naughty of you.

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What did you expect? I'm a pirate. I'm supposed to be naughty.

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Speaking of which, it's about time I got Hook

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and Line back to being proper naughty pirates once and for all.

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-IN POSH VOICE:

-More seaweed tea, Line?

-Don't mind if I do, old chap.

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Ugh, are you two still trying to be goody-goody pirates?

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-We certainly are, Captain.

-Yes, our days of being naughty are over.

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-After all...

-BOTH: Good things happen to good pirates. Chink.

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Pirates are not supposed to be good.

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-And I don't think you can resist being naughty.

-Not us, Captain.

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BOTH: Chink.

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See this extra big bucket of slop?

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This is no ordinary bucket of slop.

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This is an extra gloopy, supremely stinky bucket of slop.

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Extra gloopy.

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Supremely stinky.

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Oh, yes. And a proper naughty pirate would maybe, I don't know,

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pour this bucket of slop over their captain's head.

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-NORMAL VOICE:

-That would be very naughty.

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-POSH VOICE:

-Which is why we should never do such a thing.

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We wouldn't? Oh, no, we wouldn't.

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Come on. Look at this super gloopy slop.

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Imagine how naughty - yet fun - it would be to slop your captain.

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No, Captain. We're no longer naughty pirates.

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We will not slop you.

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Now look here - I'm ordering you to be naughty.

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-I want you to pour slop on me!

-NORMAL VOICE:

-Hold on, Line.

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If we don't slop her, we're disobeying orders.

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Which would make us naughty pirates.

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But if we do slop her, then we're obeying orders,

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which makes us good pirates, but also naughty, too.

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I'm not going to lie, I am really confused right now.

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Look, take this bucket and pour it over my head. Be naughty!

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-NORMAL VOICE:

-Oh, all right, Captain. If you insist.

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-There you go!

-Oh!

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-Actually, that was really naughty. You have a go.

-OK, OK, OK.

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-Oh! Fun!

-Yes, well done, boys.

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Oh, Captain, it's great being naughty again.

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THEY LAUGH

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Being naughty is brilliant!

0:16:090:16:11

I haven't quite thought this one through, have I?

0:16:110:16:14

-LAUGHS

-There you go.

0:16:140:16:16

-Moving on...

-LAUGHTER

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Good to see those naughty pirates back to themselves again.

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OK, me hearties.

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We have to win back four more of my jewels now, to make sure

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one of those naughty pirates ends up in the stinky ship's mess.

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So to get us ready for the Shipwreck Rummage,

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let's do the Swashbuckle salute one more time.

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Let me see you marching!

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Put your hand on your hearts!

0:16:400:16:42

Here we go!

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-Eye patch. ALL:

-Eye patch.

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-Pirate hat.

-Pirate hat.

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-Swashbuckle cheer!

-Arrr-harr!

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Yes! We're ready!

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It's the Shipwreck Rummage.

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The aim of the game is to collect the rest of Gem's jewels

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that have been hidden around the shipwreck.

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Use the map because X marks the spot where

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each of the jewels can be found.

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But be careful - Cook, Line and Captain Captain have hidden the

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jewels well and they must all be in the chest before the time runs out.

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CHEERING

0:17:190:17:21

All right, me hearties,

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you need to find four of my jewels now in the Shipwreck Rummage.

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Let me show you where they are on the treasure map.

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On the top deck, we have the purple jewel in one of the birds' nests.

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Then on the middle deck, we have the blue jewel

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in the crates of rats and mice.

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And on the lower deck, we have the green jewel in the rope store

0:17:390:17:44

and the white jewel over in the hammocks.

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Ben, Charlie, you're going first. What colour will you go for?

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-White.

-All right, then, we're off to the hammocks.

0:17:510:17:53

-Are we ready to play? ALL:

-Arrr-harrr.

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Then Swashbucklers away! Come on! Let's do this!

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They're off.

0:18:010:18:03

Charlie and Ben barge through the beach balls towards the hammocks.

0:18:030:18:08

-CHARLIE:

-Go away!

-LINE:

-It's in one of these!

0:18:080:18:11

Line's up to his naughty tricks again!

0:18:110:18:14

I think I see it!

0:18:150:18:18

-Keep rummaging! Yes! Well done!

-They've got it! No!

0:18:180:18:23

OK, they've got the white one. Boys, where are you going to go next?

0:18:230:18:25

-Sully?

-The blue.

-You're going to go for the blue one?

0:18:250:18:27

We're off to the rats and mice. Off you go.

0:18:270:18:30

Well done! Brilliant! Right, me heartie. Into there.

0:18:300:18:33

That's the white. They need three more.

0:18:330:18:36

-Sully tears across the middle deck with Remy.

-Hi, Swashbucklers!

0:18:370:18:40

-There's the rats and mice!

-Oh, where's it going to be?

0:18:400:18:44

Cook is making it tricky!

0:18:440:18:47

It's a whirl of pearls and they're digging deep!

0:18:470:18:51

-Remy has blue!

-CHEERING

0:18:510:18:53

OK, boys, they've got the blue one. They're coming back.

0:18:530:18:56

-Where are you going next?

-The ropes.

-To the green one, to the rope store.

0:18:560:19:00

Off you go. Well done. Blue one goes in there.

0:19:000:19:02

Charlie and Ben speed off to the rope store for the green.

0:19:040:19:07

What a mess!

0:19:100:19:12

Ribbons flying!

0:19:140:19:17

They don't want sausages! Oh, Ben's got green!

0:19:180:19:21

OK, they've got the green one.

0:19:210:19:24

Now we have to get the purple, right at the top. OK. That's it. OK.

0:19:240:19:27

Ready, steady, off you go! Well done!

0:19:270:19:30

OK, let's get the green one in. Here it goes. There. Yeah.

0:19:300:19:35

One jewel to go. Line chases Remy and Sully up to the top.

0:19:350:19:39

The purple is in the bird nests.

0:19:390:19:42

We're running out of time!

0:19:420:19:44

-LINE:

-You're running out of time!

0:19:440:19:45

-Quick, Remy!

-COOK:

-Oh, I can see it.

0:19:450:19:49

-That's it!

-THEY COUNT DOWN FROM TEN

0:19:490:19:52

-QUICK!

-Three, two... BELL RINGS

0:19:560:19:59

Yes! CHEERING

0:19:590:20:02

Yes! You did it! Whoohoo!

0:20:030:20:07

Well done, me hearties.

0:20:070:20:09

Squawk, you got the bird's eye view - over to you.

0:20:090:20:11

Well done, you guys!

0:20:110:20:15

Our Swashbucklers raced around the wreck.

0:20:150:20:19

Ben and Charlie didn't nap in the hammocks as they found white.

0:20:190:20:23

Remy eked blue from the rats and mice.

0:20:230:20:27

Sausages didn't stop Ben spotting green.

0:20:270:20:30

And they found purple nesting on the top deck.

0:20:300:20:33

Those naughty pirates will be back where

0:20:340:20:36

they belong in the ship's nest.

0:20:360:20:39

-It's a win!

-CHEERING

0:20:390:20:41

Wow! What a finish! Remy, you were so speedy.

0:20:430:20:46

Well done, me hearties. You won back all of my jewels. Thank you so much.

0:20:460:20:51

So now I'd like to share them out with you to hold on to for me.

0:20:510:20:54

So there you go, Remy, you can hold on to the green one for me.

0:20:540:20:57

And there you go, Sully. Got the red one there for you.

0:20:570:21:00

-Charlie's got the white one.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

0:21:000:21:02

-The purple one for you, Ben.

-Thank you.

-That's all right.

0:21:020:21:05

And the blue one for me. Let's hear it for my brilliant Swashbucklers.

0:21:050:21:08

CHEERING

0:21:080:21:12

So, now we've got all five of my jewels. You know what that means.

0:21:120:21:16

One of the naughty pirates has to walk the plank,

0:21:160:21:19

but which one will it be?

0:21:190:21:21

Ben, come with me over here to this wheel

0:21:210:21:23

because I need to show you something.

0:21:230:21:25

If it lands over here, it means all three pirates

0:21:250:21:29

go in for a triple slop drop! Ha-ha! So it's time to spin the wheel.

0:21:290:21:33

Who's it going to be? Let's see. Big spin.

0:21:330:21:36

Will it be Cook, with the white hat?

0:21:360:21:39

Captain Captain, with the black hat?

0:21:390:21:42

Line, with the red bandana?

0:21:420:21:44

Or will it be all three naughty pirates?

0:21:440:21:49

Let's see.

0:21:490:21:51

It's the triple slop drop! CHEERING

0:21:510:21:54

Yes! Ha-ha! So, Cook, Line and Captain Captain,

0:21:540:21:58

-it's time for all of you to... ALL:

-Walk the plank!

0:21:580:22:02

-THEY CHANT:

-Walk the plank...

-I don't want to!

0:22:020:22:06

-Go on! Go on!

-You go in first!

0:22:060:22:10

-It's so smelly!

-OK, here goes.

0:22:100:22:13

-Well done. Didn't they do well?

-Come on, Captain.

-Bye-bye, everyone.

0:22:170:22:21

-You as well. Come on, Captain.

-What?

0:22:210:22:24

-THEY CHANT:

-Walk the plank! Walk the plank!

0:22:240:22:26

CAPTAIN CAPTAIN WHIMPERS

0:22:260:22:28

CHEERING

0:22:320:22:34

-AUDIENCE:

-Eww!

0:22:340:22:37

Ah, it's good to see those pirates back to their old naughty selves

0:22:380:22:42

and back where they belong in the stinky ship's mess. Yes!

0:22:420:22:46

We'll see you soon for more Swashbuckle!

0:22:460:22:49

CHEERING

0:22:490:22:51

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho!

0:22:520:22:57

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho!

0:22:570:23:01

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, go, go, go! #

0:23:010:23:06

-Swashbuckle cheer!

-Arrr-harrr!

0:23:060:23:09

Cook and Line are behaving completely out of character - speaking politely and moving gracefully. They are fed up of losing games all the time and have decided to be more like the Swashbucklers by being well behaved instead. After all, 'good things happen to good pirates'. Captain Captain isn't buying it, and she needs naughty pirates to win back the jewels. But Cook and Line are adamant, they have left their naughty days behind them.