Troll The Dumping Ground

Yarr! 'Tis Speak Like A Pirate Day, me hearties. Yarr!

Hm. Ben and I are building a rocket. You could be, like, a space pirate!

I'll leave you to it.

And as I reach into the temple plane, and...

Sorry, I couldn't find my hat. Where do you want me?

Shazam!

Whoo! That was awesome!

-That was cool, man!

-How did you do it?

-A magician never tells.

THEY LAUGH

-Eurgh! Where are the Frosted Loops?

-In there.

-Awesome! Wholegrain Hole-ys, my favourite!

-Why are you so happy?

Don't tell me you finally finished writing your game.

Yep. The story's all done.

Just need to make sure everyone's got their character sheets.

Now, there's 14 of us, but I've only got 13.

I can't work out who I've missed. Me, Sammy...

-Oi-oi!

-..Bailey...

-Yo!

-..Sasha...

-What?

-..Tyler...

-Yes.

-..Ryan, Carmen...

-Ola!

-..Kaz, Tee...

-Yep.

-..Jody, Finn...

-Eh-up, lads!

-..Billie and Toni.

-13.

-Sounds like everyone to me.

I'll read them again.

Me! Me, me, me! You forgot me!

Now, I need you all to promise me that you're not going to flip out,

but there might have been a slight problem

with this week's grocery order.

A few things were ordered that shouldn't have been...

Oh, please tell me this doesn't affect the high-wire centre.

This affects the high-wire centre.

-Mike!

-What?!

-It seems I made a few miscalculations...

Resulting in a few major cash-flow issues.

It's only temporary.

And I'm sure that we'll be able to afford it again soon...ish.

-Oh, it's so unfair!

-Every time!

Great, now we've got nothing to do(!)

Oh. There's something to do.

Two words - Dungeon Destiny.

-GROANING

-Are you being serious?

Please tell me that is not your role-playing game.

Um...well, technically, it's sort of

an ARG/chaotic fiction mashup with dragons.

What's that?

You're telling me we're giving up the adventure centre to play that?!

Yeah, because of the money.

-I can get the money.

-We could do some fundraising.

I could do a sponsored silence.

I'd pay to see that.

Nah. Sponsoring's so last year.

What I've got planned is going to bring in the big bucks.

Excuse me? You do know begging's against the law?

I'm not begging, I'm fundraising.

For...poor, neglected care kids.

To go to a high-wire centre.

What, you think just because we're in care,

we shouldn't be allowed to high-wire?

Let me get my purse.

Oh...my...

GOSH!

-What's wrong, Bailey?

-The TV, it's broken.

Is that it? I thought you'd hurt yourself!

Yeah, what do you mean, "Is that it?"?

He's right. Kaput.

What are we supposed to do now?

I don't know. Why don't you give Mo's game a chance, hm?

Yeah! Go on. Right, just give me two seconds.

I need to go and get my cape.

-Did he just say cape?

-Yep.

Here you go.

You're selling that for £10,000?!

It's what its worth.

I know, it's a bit silly, isn't it?

It's a BIG BLUE blob.

It is. And I think it's kind of awesome.

Do you like art, Floss?

No, not really, Iona.

I'm not great at it. Actually, I'm pretty rubbish.

I can barely colour in.

Do you want to know a secret?

Me neither. I always go over the lines.

That's why I'm a curator.

I'm good at finding art.

Something inspiring, beautiful,

in places most people don't expect.

Because the real secret is anybody can make great art,

even poor, neglected kids who are rubbish at colouring in.

Glad tidings...mighty adventurers.

And welcome to the quest known to the layfolk as Dungeon Destiny.

Hold it! Hold everything!

I've totally saved the day.

Mike's just told me that the deposit for the high-wiring

is still good for 24 hours,

so we're raising the money today and going tomorrow.

-How?

-We're putting on an art exhibition!

All we need to do is line up a bunch of hip art types.

If we do a bit of schmoozing and give it

the hard-done-by-care-kids routine,

we're bound to end up with some serious moolah.

And I'm not just talking poxy sponsor money, either.

Floss has played a blinder!

She's our little superstar.

All down to Floss.

Nice one, Floss.

-Floss is awesome!

-BOTH: Floss!

Floss!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

So in the gallery I was just in,

it was mostly blobs and old folk looking sad.

I still don't get why people will want to buy our paintings, though.

Trust me, these people buy anything.

What about DD?

You were all dead keen a minute ago.

Dead-keen might be pushing it.

Well, Sammy and Finn were.

Really, Finn?

You'd prefer to play the game rather than help out?

He didn't say that.

Wow, Finn, you're really good at impressions!

Sounded just like Sammy there.

Soz.

Let's do it!

And...play the game later.

Right! Who wants to be on blob duty?

-What is it?

-It's Mike when Mischief did a poo on the doorstep.

You said sad and old. There you go.

Hm.

Hm!

Who don't you paint something of your own,

seeing as you know so much about art?

I've told you, I'm the curator.

Now, this one's promising, but it could be better, Finn.

-This one's good and all.

-We all know Tee's good at art.

-Yeah, but it's a bit "blah"...

-You what?

It needs to be more personal. About your fears, your pains.

It's a cereal box.

I know, do Jonah being blown up in a tank...

Maybe it's on fire. And he's got his head out of the hatch, like, "Argh!"

Do you know what? I don't want to be in your art exhibition any more.

You know what, Floss? Maybe this was a bad idea.

-But I'm saving the day.

-It doesn't need saving. You've got my game.

-We gave it a go, Flo.

-Don't call me that!

You can have that one if you like. It's just...nice dragons.

Right! Rules.

It sounds complicated. But basically...

-I'm sure we'll pick it up as we go.

-You can't just rush in.

How hard can it be?

All right, all you've got to do is roll the dice,

move around the board, pick up the card.

I'll go first. I can do magic, yeah?

Yeah. You hold the Runes of Kranak.

-So, I use my magic to take Finn out of the game.

-What?

-She can't do that.

-Actually, she kind of can.

I mean, you can do whatever you want in Dungeon Destiny.

-The only limit's your imagination.

-So, the sleeping spell.

-For, like, 100 years.

-Floss!

-What? You said I could do what I want.

So be it.

But rest assured, the chances of success are very slim.

For such a powerful spell, the adventurer must throw a 19 or...

over.

THEY GASP

-20! No way!

-Come on, Finn, we've got some blobs to paint.

So, technically, we could just knock each other out with spells

-whenever we wanted.

-Yeah, I think maybe we should see the rules.

Oh, my...!

You can have this one, too.

It's me as a space pirate.

It's nice, but let's stick to the stuff

that will work in the exhibition.

Come on, Finn, you've got more paintings to do.

Now is the time for the adventurers to discover their birthright.

To..see what character you are.

Oh.

A warty troll?

I thought a princess would be a bit too obvious.

What, so I can only be a princess or a warty troll?

Yeah, well, you're not a human nurse.

-Why do we have to share a sheet?

-That's because you're twins...

in the game.

A warty troll?

Well, I'm a gnat, so you can swap with me if you like.

-Yeah, actually, go on.

-Wait, you can't do that.

Mo, you said the only limit was your imagination.

Right, is there anyone else who wants to swap?

Yes, I do.

-Me.

-I want to swap, please.

-I do.

No, no, no.

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

Floss, I'm sorry, but you can't just invite strangers here.

I thought, as it's for the trip...

And I really appreciate what you're doing.

Thank you for asking me first. But it's a no.

He'd have found out eventually.

And you can't pull off a whole exhibition in one afternoon.

Yeah, well, it's done now.

So you might as well go and play the game.

I'll stay here and keep Finn company.

-Really?

-Go on, enjoy yourself.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-See you later.

So, Space Pirates?

No, we're not giving up yet.

Bright night.

Bale of the seventh realm.

Phone me through.

Welcome back, Samacus.

You are now in the dark corridors of the dungeon's inner sanctum.

How dark?

Um...very.

It can't be pitch black though,

cos then we wouldn't know where we are.

There are candles, it's a dungeon.

If we've got magic and that, why are we still using candles?

Couldn't somebody have magicked a light bulb?

It's actually quite a good point.

Maybe they prefer candlelight.

-What are you thinking?

-That I prefer to stare at a blank telly.

Good plan.

Finn, what are we doing up here?

If Mike doesn't want us selling paintings, how about a jumble sale?

Jumble's hardly going to get us much money.

Hang on.

They're Tee's old paintings.

She must have forgotten about them.

Look.

Blobby. Iona will love these.

Great, I'll go and ask Tee.

Yeah, the thing is, if we ask for people's permission,

they can say no.

Congratulations, you have escaped the Whirlpool of Tears.

-Thank goodness for that!

-But, yeah, how long is this game?

Um...

abandon all hope!

Abandon all hope!

For here, the pernicious Worgs of Brantiok.

SNIGGERING

Right, that's it.

Get out.

As dungeon master, I officially expel you from the game.

What?

I don't think even you can do that.

Er, yes, I can.

He's Almalite, he's too low.

Go!

Right, OK. Soz!

You lot need to learn that DD is not a laughing matter.

Maybe Sam was right.

We should have asked Mike.

What are you doing?

Drawing's good, so if we say you painted it,

then she won't get suspicious.

Oi, don't go wussing out on me.

It's for the high-wire trip, remember?

Come on.

Iona, I took your advice and became a curator.

And this is the artist I found, Finn.

Oh, hi. OK.

So, what do you think?

Right, yeah, they're really good.

I love the use of colour.

So, what do we say for three of them?

Oh, I can't buy them.

What? Why?

I'm not really looking for any more acquisitions at the moment,

-but if you're serious about curating...

-Never mind about that.

Surely you can buy just one.

100 quid?

I'm sorry, Floss, really.

I thought you wanted to help.

Finn hasn't had the advantages most kids have.

You know?

Um, does your care worker know you're here?

Finn's had a really tough life. It's not getting any easier for him.

He gets bullied cos of it.

You're the one who said you can find beauty

in places you don't expect it.

It's a no, Floss, OK?

Can I help you?

Finn! Stop ignoring me.

You shouldn't have said I've got a tough life.

Oh, come on.

-Everyone loves a sob story.

-Leave me alone.

You've no right to be like this.

All I was trying to do was raise money.

So don't you dare tell anyone different, OK?

Or I'll give you a tough life.

What was that? Did Floss just threaten you?

Finn?

In my last school, I was bullied by somebody who used to be my friend.

It only stopped when I told someone about it.

-What are you two talking about?

-Nothing.

CHANTING FROM NEXT DOOR

Expellia! Expellii!

Grimior e mortis!

Expellia!

Can we play again?

Um, well, I suppose we are a little short on adventurers.

-So, what are we doing?

-Well, we're at the really good bit,

the slaying of the Grimior dragon through ancient incantations.

So, the dragon's slain by Ortrek.

What if the dragon...isn't slain?

Well, that's the point of the game really,

otherwise...it's not that fun.

That's true. And YOU have a tough life!

Mo, is there a spell that can take Sammy's voice away?

There's no such thing, is there?

-The only limit's your imagination...

-Finn, don't be scared of me.

What you on about, Sammy? Nobody cares.

-If she said something to you...

-Stop it!

The paintings were Tee's.

-What?

-Shut up, Finn!

Floss...

-She's been threatening him.

-What? I was just trying to help.

By telling that lady I'm bullied.

-You're the one who's the bully.

-Think what you like.

I don't care. And you can play your stupid game without me.

I want to go. Transfer me, whatever.

I don't want to stay here any more.

Yes, I am Floss Guppy's care worker, yes.

Sorry?

-But you've always said you want to stay for ever.

-Say again?

Let's face it, you practically run the place.

Well, maybe I don't belong here any more.

Maybe...I've grown up.

OK, thank you. Yes, thanks.

Are you sure there's nothing else you want to tell me?

Yes, like...exactly how many times have you gone into town today

without permission? Hm?

That was Children's Services on the phone.

Some gallery owner has contacted them saying

you've been in her shop forcing a boy - a victim of bullying -

into selling his paintings.

-Hm?

-I didn't force him.

And anyway, they weren't even his.

Oh, who did they belong to, then?

Some other "poor, neglected care kid"?

Can you come back later, please?

I was trying to raise money for you.

I don't know why I bothered.

So...I'm going.

So?

Is this it, then?

Is this the sort of person you want to grow up to be?

Are you missing Harry?

At least Harry noticed me.

Oh...

This was about you not being the centre of attention, wasn't it?

And raising the cash was meant to make you more popular. Hm?

I suppose, but now they all hate me.

Floss...

you really hurt Finn.

Right, then, I'll set up a meeting between you,

so you're going to apologise properly, OK?

# We crossed this line

# Do you find it hard to sit with me tonight?

# I've walked these miles but I've walked 'em straight lined

# You'll never know what it's like to be...

# Fine

# Don't know what you want

# Don't leave me hanging on... #

I'm sorry.

Although I'm not sure I'm the one you should be apologising to.

I lied to the gallery lady that he'd been bullied.

But it's not a lie any more.

What were you thinking, Floss?

-It's not like you.

-Maybe it is.

Maybe I'm just horrible.

Maybe I always have been.

-Floss, you're not horrible.

-I was today.

-And I reckon I have been before, as well.

-Floss...

-You don't know, Tee!

Maybe I was born horrible.

Maybe that's why my mum left me in the nail bar.

Look, I have no idea why adults do the things they do.

But I do know one thing -

you are a rude, gobby, little show-off.

But you're not horrible.

So stop pretending to be.

Take a seat, yeah?

Floss?

I'm...I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

# Tough girl

# In the fast lane

# No time for love

# No time for hate

# No drama

# No time for games... #

-I thought you one and Finn were...

-We've just finished.

-He's with May-Li.

-That was quick.

It's just a word, isn't it?

-Sorry.

-What?

I need your help.

You're nice, so could you teach me to be nice?

So Finn and everyone else will like me again.

Go on. Say something.

You usually never shut up.

Oh. See? That's why I need your help.

Stuff just comes out.

Look, it's easy.

Just...think about what that person wants and do that.

Um...sorry for ruining your game, Mo.

And...sorry generally.

I'm going to find a way to still raise money.

Maybe a sponsored silence?

-Mo, you like Wholegrain Hole-ys, don't you?

-Yeah.

Right, cos they're also the reason why our groceries are so expensive.

Someone added 29 boxes to the order!

Look, it just wasn't plugged in.

Is this your handwriting?

Please tell me that you didn't set all this up

just so that people would play your game.

-Floss, I'll give you a hand.

-Mo!

-Mo!

-Mo!

Was that always there?

Space pirates. Cool.

I made it specially.

It's, um...great, thank you.

I was a bully today.

And I hated it.

So...I'm going to try really hard to be nice from now on.

Like you.

CHATTER

How's that nice thing going?

If you need any practice, you could teach me your pirate voice,

that would be really good.

Well, what you do is -

you do it from the side of your mouth, like this.

Ya-harr!

-Ya-harr!

-Ya-harr!

-Ya-harr!

ALL: Ya-harr!

Ya-harr!